Harsh war cries rang out through the air, mixing with the ringing of clashing weapons to form a cacophony of battle. All around Paper Quill, ponies fought, the shining gold of the Royal Guard’s armour contrasting with the dull metallic sheens of their opponents’ as their weapons locked, each side pushing for victory. Pegasi flew overhead, unleashing heavy rocks upon their opponents below as bursts of magic streaked from ranks of unicorns, swatting them from the sky.
She found herself backing away, watching in horror as a Guard, a mere ten feet from her, cut down their opponent, only to be slain from above as a pegasus dropped a boulder onto their spine. Blood pooled along the ground, mixing with dry dirt to create a disgusting mud that stained her hooves. She found herself checking every direction, seeking a way, any way, out of this hellish world she’d found herself in.
A harsh yell rang out behind Paper, echoing above the sounds of battle, embodied in a voice that pricked the edges of her recognition. “Traitor!”
Turning, she found a blurred pony, indistinct in form and colour, rushing her, a spear held in a dark blue aura beside them. Before Paper could react, the pony leapt up, pulling back their spear to deliver a death blow.
Instinct took over as Paper lowered her head, firing off a panicked spell that struck her attacker. The beam of magic punched right through their armor like tissue, sending them crashing to the ground in a heap. Another voice rang out from behind her, so loud and panicked, it seemed to shake the very air itself.
“NO!”
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“NO!”
Paper Quill shot up in her bed, sending the covers flying as her panicked cry echoed through the still air. Sweat dripped from her matted coat as her heavy breathing slowly calmed her racing heart. Shifting to the side of the bed, she gently lowered all four hooves to the floor of her room, making her way on trembling legs towards the door that led to her exterior balcony.
Stepping onto the cool concrete of the terrace, she took a deep breath of the chilled night air, letting it flood into her lungs. A soft breeze blew by, carrying away her sweat and fear into the sky and letting her calm her frantic mind. Folding her hind legs, she settled her plot against the paved surface as she gazed at the majesty of the stars above.
Gentle twinkling lights filtered through the heavens, sending their calm strength to the ponies below. Paper traced out the constellations, easily finding the patterns in the unshifting sky and letting their familiarity soothe her frayed nerves. The darkness of the universe above called to her, enticing her to release her emotions into its encompassing void, until her mind had settled into a semblance of sanity, and the rhythmic thumping of her heart slowed to a calmer pace.
She’d never known why the stars called to her, but she was always glad they did. They were a static symbol for her to connect to, a rock in the storm of life. She truly needed such strength now. She stayed there, basking in their glow, until Celestia began to lower the moon, the faintest tint of pink creeping over the horizon as a warning of the sun’s impending appearance. As her stars faded from the sky, Paper’s head slumped down into her chest, her exhaustion pulling her into a dreamless slumber.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Paper Quill rushed through the streets of Ponyville, holding back the urge to violently yawn as she attempted to pull a brush through her purple mess of a mane. Ponies scurried about town, forcing her to twist and turn in an odd dance to avoid crashing into anypony and making her impromptu styling session even more challenging.
Everything seemed a blur, though whether due to her speed, or her racing mind, she couldn’t be sure. The only constant was the space she had, the gap between buildings that made up the haphazard road. Suddenly, the houses parted, leaving a wide open space for the town square.
Wait, isn’t there supposed to be a—
Her inner voice was rudely interrupted by a large, heavy object slamming itself into her head.
—statue.
Paper stumbled backwards one step, then another, before collapsing uncomfortably onto her flank. Shaking her head, she looked up to see the sleek bronze form of Equestria’s Princess of the Night, her body carefully moulded from the metal. Glancing down, Paper quickly read the inscription for what seemed like the millionth time in her life:
In honor of Princess Luna,
Who fell in war while fighting the traitor Starlight Glimmer,
Trying to protect us all from her tyranny.
With a short huff, she stood, leveling an angry glare at the statue’s unmoving eyes.
“Buck you too.”
With that, she raced off, now even more nerve-wrackingly behind schedule. Turning the last corner, she raced down the path and up the short staircase of the crystal castle, before ramming her hoof heavily against the door. A moment later, Spike opened her oaken impediment, briefly glancing at her before waving her inside. She rushed in, looking around for her employer as though she might have hidden herself in some corner.
“Where’s the Princess?” Her nerves threatened to overwhelm her. She was late enough as it was; she’d rather not waste time wandering this maze of a castle looking for the princess.
Spike’s response quickly gave her an answer. “She’s in the throne room, but—”
“Thanks, bye!” Paper rushed off, expertly navigating the halls to the intended room. Panting, she burst through the doors, already rambling an apology.
“I’m so sorry, Princess, I promise it won’t...happen...again…” She trailed off as she realized she and the purple alicorn were not the sole occupants of the room. A distinct white unicorn was staring at her while a yellow pegasus had pressed herself into a corner, both of their cutie marks glowing distinctly to match the projection above the map.
“Sorry, I’ll just leave…” Her cheeks warm, she attempted to beat a hasty retreat.
“Oh, it’s fine darling, we don’t mind. We were just finishing up here anyways.” Rarity’s distinct lilt echoed through the room. Paper, relieved by the lack of anger in her voice, took a few tentative steps forward, placing herself beside the Princess.
The three ponies continued to talk business while she waited for her chance at the alicorn’s attention, trying her hardest to stifle a persistent yawn. Minutes passed, each shaving at her willpower, until she could take it no longer and a yawn seized control of her jaw and forced her eyes shut.
Paper reopened them to find everypony else staring at her, sending another warm flush to her cheeks. She embarrassedly slunk away, hiding behind the Princess in the hopes they might just forget what had happened. She was not so fortunate, as Rarity followed her with a concerned expression. “Darling, you look absolutely exhausted. Are you all right?”
Her eyes darted to the corners of the room, seeking a place to escape the attention. “I’m fine, just—” Another yawn cut her off. “Tired.”
Fluttershy’s gentler tone spoke up from behind her, startling Paper. “Oh, well, um, if you need some help sleeping, I know some lullabies that help my animals. I don’t think I’d be much help with a friendship issue anyway.”
Paper smiled gently. “Thanks, Fluttershy, but I think I’ll be fine.” She reached out a hoof to reassure the yellow pegasus, only to have the other pony shy away. “What’s wrong?”
“Sorry, you just remind me of...somepony else…” Fluttershy meekly squeaked.
“Oh. Starlight?” Paper winced as she said the traitor’s name aloud.
Fluttershy nodded, still keeping distance between the two mares. “She was our friend, just like you. But then…”
“The war.” Paper finished for her, thinking back to when she herself had heard of the battles raging across northern Equestria, started by the Princess of Friendship’s once-student. “I promise, I won’t go starting any wars, Fluttershy. Besides, Starlight’s dead now. She can’t hurt you anymore.
Fluttershy seemed more at ease with her presence now, but her mood hadn’t been emboldened, instead spiraling down into further negativity. “If only I wasn’t so worthless, maybe she’d still be our friend…”
The Princess made her way past Paper and over to the yellow mare, gently tapping her shoulder with her hoof. “Fluttershy, you’re not worthless. Nopony ever thought it, and nopony ever will.”
Fluttershy’s soulful eyes welled with tears. “Then why’d he leave? Why’d he go and leave me behind? It’s been five years, and he hasn’t even stopped by even once! I wasn’t good enough for him, and now I’m not good enough for anypony.”
Despite her extreme reaction, Twilight’s voice remained strong and kind. “Discord leaving had nothing to do with you. He promised he’d be back, remember? I’m sure he just got caught up in something and hasn’t been able to return yet. Besides, maybe you’ll find something interesting and chaotic he might like. That’d be a nice gift for when he gets back, right?”
Fluttershy sniffled as she wiped tears from her eyes. “I...I guess so.”
Twilight smiled. “Then go out there, fix a friendship, and bring home a cool souvenir for him, okay?” She gently nudged Fluttershy towards the door.
Despite Twilight’s encouragements, Fluttershy’s eyes remained downcast as she slowly made her way out of the room, while Rarity followed behind at a more moderate pace. “Rarity?” The princess’ voice rang out. “Look after her. Please.” And with a gentle nod, the fashionista, too, was gone.
With the room clear of distractions, her employer turned to her second assistant. “Are you sure you’re okay? There’s nothing troubling you?”
Another yawn escaped. “I’m sure, Princess. Just some nightmares. I’m sure they’ll leave soon.”
The Princess’ eyes narrowed, her expression shifting from concern to ferocity with a swiftness that startled Paper. “Nightmares? What about?”
“Nothing.” Paper shifted uncomfortably, unnerved by the intensity of the princess’ stare. “It’s fine, nothing to worry about.”
The alicorn’s eyes seemed to dig into her soul, causing Paper to almost miss her words. “You’re sure you don’t want to talk about it?”
Paper nodded enthusiastically. “It’s not like they’re uncommon nowadays, with Luna no longer around to protect dreamers.I’ll sleep well tonight, I promise.” She said, hoping her affirmation would return the Princess to her perky, neurotic self. The alicorn’s stare relaxed, and her expression softened. “Alright. Let me know if they become a problem. I’m sure Zecora has a remedy if you need it.”
The Princess made for the door, calling out “I’ll be going over the Celestia’s new tax laws in my office if you need me. I’m always here for you, Paper, if you want to talk.”
Once her employer had completely disappeared into the hallway, Paper let out a sigh of relief before consulting her planner. Noting the time was significantly later than she’d like, she reworked the schedule, moving less important tasks and narrowing it down to the necessities.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Seven hours later, Paper limped out of the library, nursing several papercuts to her coat and wincing whenever she brushed against the walls. Stupid anti-theft enchantments. I was trying to reshelve the books, not steal them. She carefully made her way to the washroom, emerging a few minutes later with a slightly damp coat and a handful of paper towels clutched in her teal aura, dabbing away the water before disposing of them in a nearby trash can.
Letting out a small sigh, Paper checked her planner again. Alright, check the mail. Easiest thing today. She efficiently made her way to the foyer, through the doors, and down the steps to the small mailbox labeled “Twilight Sparkle” in bright pink paint.
I wish she’d put a flag on the mailbox, she thought to herself as she stared into the empty container, so I don’t have to walk over here just to check if there’s any mail. Groaning, she closed the cover and turned around, coming face to face with a cross-eyes gray pegasus.
“Mail for...uhh...Twilight Sparkle?” The mailmare read intently off the envelope precariously balanced on her right hoof, stumbling around in an attempt to keep it from teetering of the flat surface.
“I’ll bring it to her, thanks.” Paper stifled another yawn as she snatched the letter from the mare with her magic. Turning and trudging her way back up the crystal steps, she couldn’t help wondering why whoever had written it hadn’t mailed it via dragonfire, as most of the Princess’ correspondents did. Ah, well, once she dropped off the letter she’d be done for today, and could go home to get some much-deserved rest.
After six years on the job, walking in to a crazed Twilight barely fazed Paper, though she did let out a small sigh. Ugh. Here we go again. Of course the Princess had found something that had worked her into a tizzy, pacing a groove into the crystal floor as her head rubbing turned her mane into a growingly unkempt mess. Despite her own appearance, the office remained surprisingly neat, each stack of papers neatly squared away on her desk and not a book out of place on the shelves.
Paper cleared her throat loudly, a tried and true method for gathering her employer’s attention. This time, however, the sound seemed to slide off her. Paper tried again, slightly louder. Again, nothing. Exasperated, the unicorn raised her hoof before slamming it down onto the crystal floor with a CLACK.
This time, Twilight finally broke away from her monotony, her head swiveling as she sought the origin of the noise. Rolling her eyes slightly, Paper tapped her hoof on the floor again, though more gently this time, drawing Twilight’s attention to her.
“Paper! Are you here to take me up on my offer?” The other mare’s voice had an odd strain to it, covered in so many layers of forced control that Paper could barely hear it.
Paper frowned as she tried to recall. “Which offer?”
“To talk over you nightmares and find a fix, remember?” Twilight seemed to be nearly vibrating at the prospect, leaving Paper with conflicted feelings. Either the alicorn was excited to help her with her problems, or…
“No, no, it’s fine. Actually, I’m here to give you this.” Paper held out the envelope with her teal aura, passing it over to Twilight’s magenta effortlessly. A quick RIIIP of an envelope later, the letter was discarded among the papers piled on the desk, and Twilight had returned to her pacing, seemingly uninterested in the contents.
“Are you alright, Princess?” Paper mentally rolled her eyes. She asked every time, and every time she’d get a long tirade about whatever issue was bothering Twilight this week. What had it been last time? Spike not sending a response to a letter she’d sent only an hour before? Or was that the time before? Honestly, it was getting hard to keep track.
“No, it’s nothing.”
Well, that’s odd, Paper thought. Stepping onto her employer’s path, she gently put her hoof on the other mare’s withers, just for a moment. “It’s not nothing. You’re worried about something. Tell me.”
Twilight’s eyes never budged from the floor, but paper could see the droplets of water sliding from her muzzle to the crystal floor. “I’m worried that my friend isn’t letting me help her with her nightmares.”
“Princess, it’s just nightmares. They happen all the time now. I’m fine,” Paper gently reassured her. “I’m sure I’ll sleep just fine tonight.”
Twilight raised her gaze to meet Paper’s, and while tears streamed down her face, her eyes spoke of frustration and despair. “THEN WHY WON’T YOU TALK TO ME ABOUT THEM?”
Startled, Paper tried to respond, but Twilight cut her off before she could say anything, her voice strained. “Just...go home. Your shift is over anyway.”
“But—”
“Go!”
Defeated, Paper wound her way through the maze of hallways that made up the castle and trudged her way back home. The entire time, her mind couldn’t stop swirling, wondering why Twilight cared so much about a simple nightmare. The thought’s plagued her long after she’d eaten, long after she’d tucked herself in, following her into the late night, until her sheer exhaustion overtook her.
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Soft pink petals drifted gently down from above, perfectly framing the arch of flowers Paper stood under. Her white dress drifted gently in the wind, spilling down the three steps and onto the long carpet that led from the building entrance out to the podium. A dozen ponies stared up at her from their seats, stationed carefully on either side of the aisle, waiting.
A nervous thrill ran up Paper’s spine, and she shot a look towards a pony in the front row. He looked so familiar...her father? He smiled gently at her and nodded, bolstering her slightly. She closed her eyes, trying to calm her jitters, but no matter how hard she tried they remained steadfast.
A minute passed, with her eyes glued to the building doors for every second. Nothing. Paper felt her hind leg twitch as the nerves amped up. Surely a minor issue had gone wrong and they’d be out promptly, nothing to worry about.
But another minute passed. Then another. Then five more. Each second felt like an eternity, stretched out forever. Paper shifted restlessly as the murmuring began. Nopony knew what was going on, least of all her, and it sent her into overdrive, pacing back and forth as another ten minutes came and went.
Though she couldn’t say exactly when, as she’d stopped paying attention to the time a while ago, her nerves overcame her entirely, and she collapsed to the podium floor, curling up into a ball as tears flowed freely, soaking her dress.
Through her tears, she could see people leaving, shooting her pitying glances as they made their way out. A moment passed before she felt a presence over her, followed by a gentle hoof on her shoulder. A hoof she’d known all her life, and in her distress she held onto her father for dear life, her world turning upside down as she came to a realization.
Her lover, her fiance, wasn’t coming.
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Everything was damp. Her pillow squished under her hooves, her blankets felt suffocating, and ever her sheets glued themselves to her back as her eyes slid open. Groaning, Paper rolled over to escape the bright light pouring into her room, trying to get just one more minute…
The obnoxious beeping filled the room before she could even think of falling asleep again, heralding in a day she felt utterly unprepared for. She wearily threw her blanket aside, flopping out of bed hooves first. As she blearily crossed the room to the bathroom, her routine kicked in, her magic flipping the covers back and straightening them out.
The warm spray of the shower did wonders to clear her morning bleariness, though her exhaustion remained. Yawning, she scrubbed down her coat and mane with shampoo, making sure to keep stray suds from her eyes. As the last of the soapy water sluiced off her body, she quickly shut off the tap, luxuriating in the steamy air, letting if fill her lungs with warmth and humidity.
The air quickly found a chill, and Paper found herself reaching for the comfort of her towel, the rough fabric pulling the water from the depths of her coat and whisking it away. Flicking the towel into the laundry bin, she opened the door, shivering as the seal was broken and the last of the warmth fled into the wild. Feeling tired yet clean, Paper started towards her bedside table, intending to grab her hairbrush, when she noticed something out of the corner of her eye: her sweat-stained bedding.
With a groan, Paper quickly stripped the sheets and pillowcases, tossing them into the laundry bin behind her before heading for the door. A brief jaunt through the hall brought her to a closet, from which she quickly selected some new linens, and then she was back in her room, remaking her bed with precision. Her unexpected detour complete, she finally grabbed her brush, quickly flipping it though her purple mane before making her way to the door.
The little coffee shop just down the street always had delicious muffins, and today was no exception. Raspberries and white chocolate was a time-tested combination, and it sated her hunger once more today, quickly washed down by a large cup of the strongest coffee they had. Now feeling properly awake, Paper slid out into the street and began making her way back to the Princess’s castle, her leisurely pace a nice contrast to the hustle of the previous day.
A short walk was just what I needed, Paper mused as she stepped through the castle doors, letting them swing shut behind her. Her hoofsteps echoed through the empty rooms as she made her way down the hall, as she had for years, her muscles remembering the labyrinthian layout even if her mind didn’t. Tall doors passed on either side of her, stretching on an on until she stopped in front of the room. Pushing open the doors, she listened for a moment, not wanting to barge in again, before stepping into the main hall.
“Hey, Paper!” came a chipper voice. Paper looked over to see a pink pony, sitting on a chair adorned with a balloon inscription. “Want some pancakes?” Pinkie held up a plates stacked high with the delicious breakfast starch.
“I’m fine,” Paper raised her hoof to cover a yawn. “I grabbed a bite on the way over.”
“Aww, c’mon Paper! They’re Pinkies pancakes, they’re almost as awesome as me!” Rainbow’s nasally pitch floated down from above, where the blue pegasus was floating lazily as she balanced her own plate on her belly.
Paper’s stomach gave out a pitiful growl at that. “Already ate, huh.” came Applejack’s country twang from her own engraved seat, an eyebrow perched a bit higher on her face than might be polite.
“A muffin is a bite, but I guess I’m still a bit hungry. I suppose a couple pancakes wouldn’t go awry.” Paper gave a sheepish smile, only to follow it with a surprised yelp as a pink tornado emerged from nowhere and deposited her at the table with a plate of warm pancakes. “Thanks, Pinkie.”
The first bite of fluffy goodness vanished down her throat all to quickly, and before she knew it the rest of her breakfast had followed. Leaning back, she let out a small sigh that morphed into a yawn.
“You alright, sugarcube? You seem a mite tired.” Applejack’s voice sounded genuinely concerned, but Paper couldn’t help but roll her eyes. Here we go again.
I’m fine. A bit tired, but I had some coffee earlier that should kick in any time now.” Paper spoke softly, hoping this wouldn’t turn into a repeat of yesterday.
“More nightmares?” Twilight’s voice was soft, controlled, but still carried an odd tone to them. Not just worry but...something more.
“It’s nothing. I guess I’ll go get started on work.” Paper hopped off her chair, striding towards the door in hopes that it would end the conversation. She barely made it a few steps forward when she found herself immobilized by a purple field.
“Please, Paper. Just talk to me about them already!” Twilight stepped into her field of view, forcing her words into Paper’s face. “I want to help!”
“I don’t want your help! I just want to go do my work!” Paper struggled against her magical bonds, her heart racing faster as she realized how truly trapped she was. “Why can’t you just let me go? Do you have nothing better to do?”
“There’s nothing better for me to do than help my friends!” Twilight’s voice was clipped now. “You mean everything to me!”
“Then go find a coltfriend or something, because I DON’T NEED YOUR HELP!” Paper roared.
For a moment, everything was still, the only sound the thundering of Paper’s heartbeat as Twilight’s eyes morphed from anger to pain. Then, the spell broke, sending Paper tumbling to the ground as Twilight teleported away.
“Buck. I really messed up, didn’t I.” Paper slowly found her way to a sitting position, feeling worse emotionally than physically.
“You couldn’t have known, Paper.” Spike appeared beside her, placing his own purple tail down onto the cold crystal.
“Known what? That yelling at her like that would hurt her? Of course I did.” Paper hung her head. “She’s just been acting so weird lately...I guess I overreacted because of it.”
“Maybe. But I meant you couldn’t have known that relationships would be a sore point for her.” Spike said softly. “Her last relationship didn’t end well. She hasn’t been on a date since.”
Paper’s eyes widened, and she turned to stare at the dragon. “I really bucked up, didn’t I.”
Spike raised his claw to her face, wiping ay tears Paper hadn’t realized were falling. “Yeah, you did. But you can still fix it. Just...give her some time first.”
Paper sniffled a bit. “Al...alright.”
Time passed, and despite her best efforts to dive into her work, she found she couldn’t get her mind off of her mistake. Guilt and shame flushed through her as the moment swirled through her head, again and again. Talking to Spike helped, for a while, but even that eventually fell short, leaving her more stressed than before.
Seeking just about anything to occupy her mind at this point, she decided to go with the first thing that came to mind. Her magic grabbed a book from a bookshelf on the side of the room, opening it to the first page in the hopes it might distract her, just a little. As page after page passed, she finally found release from her guilt, her focus keeping her from realizing as exhaustion roared up to claim her.
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Paper didn’t blame HER. Yes, SHE’d left her heart trampled on, but it was in HER nature to look out for others. No, Paper blamed everypony else, everypony her love felt a need to help. They’d taken HER affection, stolen HER time until she’d forgotten their love had ever existed. But Paper wouldn’t let it stand. She’d take back her love’s feelings, and make HER forget about anything but them being together.
It helped that she couldn’t see their faces, their lives. From up here, high upon the mountains above Canterlot, she could only see them as specks, hurrying about in their own little rush of importance. In her mind, she knew these ponies had lives, families, and lovers. In her heart, she couldn’t care less. She’d chosen her path, and nothing would sway her from it.
As she gently stepped back from the ledge, she smiled gently. Her wedding day would come again, and this time, everything would be perfect. Cherry blossoms would float through the air, SHE would come striding down the aisle, everypony would cheer, and everything would be as it should be.
But first, she needed to get rid of those pesky distractions...
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A soft prodding in her side woke Paper abruptly. With a loud yawn, she picked her head up from the book she’d been reading as she blinked away the bleariness.
“Are...are you alright?” a soft voice from beside her asked, wavering slightly.
A jolt ran through Paper as the repetition of that question overflowed. “I’m fine, okay!” she snapped at her nuisance.
A soft meep drew her attention to who exactly she’d just snapped at, leading her to wince as she saw the pink and yellow form curled up in a corner. “Fluttershy! I...I didn’t realize you were back.”
A slight shudder through the figure was the only response. Paper cursed mentally as she remembered their last interaction. “I’m sorry, Fluttershy. I’m just a bit frustrated. I promise, I’d never hurt you.”
A single eye poked out from behind a wing, meeting her gaze before folding back down again. Slowly cantering over, Paper sat herself down next to the other pony. “Fluttershy?”
“Yes?” Came the muffled reply, trembling slightly.
“Do you want to come out?”
“No” the quiver had subsided somewhat, giving Paper hope that she might be able to apologize.
“Can I say I’m sorry?”
“Yes.” The quiver was gone entirely.
“I’m sorry, Fluttershy. I didn’t mean to hurt you.”
An awkward moment passed, then another. Paper stood to leave, feeling decidedly uncomfortable. As she turned away, however, Fluttershy’s voice caught her attention.
“Wait.”
Paper turned back to the pegasus, seeing her uncurl herself to reveal a small statue. Smooth marble formed Celestia’s body, the gentle contours smooth and graceful until the collided violently with the onyx of the cake costume the monarch was wearing, and looking very surprised at being in such a state of dress.
“Do you think it’s good? As a gift for Discord, I mean?” Her voice had picked up a tremor again, but this wasn’t the same. It wasn't fear, it was...hope?
“I think he’ll love it.” Paper smiled gently, her heart swelling as she saw just how happy her friend was. Then, her world shattered as Fluttershy did something Paper had never thought she’d see again.
She smiled, her presence lighting up the room in a way only Fluttershy could. The little gesture lifted Paper’s spirits, and made her wonder if anything really was possible.
“I should go. I have another apology to make.” Paper stepped back, not wanting this moment to end but knowing that it had to eventually.
And just like that, the smile was gone. “Twilight?” Fluttershy stared deep into Paper’s eyes, searching for...something. Paper nodded. “Good luck.”
With that, Paper stepped through the door, intent on correcting her misstep with her employer.
No...my friend.
As she approached the door of the Alicorn’s office, a small grating sound echoed through the crystal, so faint she could barely hear it, yet loud enough she knew it wasn’t her imagination. Another of her magic experiments? Intrigued, she opened the door and peeked inside.
Her employer stood casually near a shelf, picking up an entire bookcase’s worth of scattered books and carefully sorting them back into place. Odd, Paper thought idly. It was unlike her to let a mess get this bad, especially in her own office. One more thing to add to the list of Twilight acting weird, I guess.
She opened the door fully, making her way inside the rather chilly office, before closing it behind her. Carefully setting the surveys down on her desk, she quickly trotted over to the Princess’s side, scooping up some books with a casual greeting. “Need a hand?”
Twilight whirled around, eyes blazing as she moved herself between Paper and the shelf, blocking Paper from getting any closer. “You shouldn’t be here! Get out!”
Startled, Paper took a step back, her heart sinking. “I-I’m sorry I just wanted to apologize!”
“Apology accepted. Now. Get. Out.” Twilight growled under her breath, taking a step forward to match Paper’s retreat.
“But—”
“NOW!” Twilight’s voice echoed through the room, sending Paper galloping for the door. The moment she’d cleared the room, she slowed, kicking the door closed hard enough to slam it. As her emotions finally settled, she found her fear morphing into another feeling, directed entirely at Twilight. She’d just been trying to help, to apologize, but the anger she’d left within the princess had stepped in to ruin it.
Something about that didn’t sit right with her though. If she’d still been angry about earlier, why say she’d accepted the apology? And why had she been so careful to put herself in between Paper and what she’d been doing?
Despite her best efforts, Paper couldn’t quell the pool of anger welling up inside her as her fuse finally ran out. Snorting angrily, she huffed her way through the castle, through the front door and down the street towards home. Enough was enough. Tonight, she’d find out exactly what Twilight was hiding, starting with whatever she hadn’t wanted Paper to see on that shelf.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Paper quietly slunk into the office, carefully sliding the door shut silently. Her eyes quickly locked on the bookshelf, reshelved and piled high with tomes and novels, that the Princess had been so oddly protective of. Now that she had time to properly examine the wood structure, she realized something about it felt off, and it took Paper a moment to place exactly what: While the other shelves in the room were receded into the wall, this one seemed set against it, almost as if it wasn’t meant to be there. Drawing closer, she scanned the edges for something unusual, out of place. Finding nothing, she decided to browse the collection. Surely there was something Twilight didn’t want her to see here.
Hmm, let’s see: Daring Do and the Sapphire Stone, Shadow Spade and the Murgese Falcon, The Art of the To-Do List, something in Old Ponish...The Accurate Timeline of Equestrian Villains? Why would the Princess have a book of revisionist history?
Gently grasping the book in her magic, she slid it out from its place, making sure not to disturb the other tomes. As soft moonlight spilled into the vacant gap, a slight glimmer caught her eye from the very back of the shelf: her cutie mark, emblazoned in gold leaf on a leather base. A shiver ran down her spine.
What in Equestria?
Setting aside her contraband, she grasped the surrounding texts with her aura, extracting them and piling them neatly off to the side, allowing her a better look at her discovery. It was a short, wide book, thin in content but sturdy in structure. The gold leaf extended beyond just her centered cutie mark, expanding across the cover in an intricate pattern that gave the impression of the night sky. Gingerly extracting her contraband, she shifted it about in her aura. No author, no lettering, just the goldleaf. She carefully opened the cover, letting out a small gasp at the contents.
It was clearly a scrapbook, three photos taped to paper with precise corners and a perfect alignment that spoke to an organized mind. Yet it was the contents that drew her attention: each of the images depicted her in some way. Her with the Princess’ friends, enjoying some ice cream at Sugarcube Corner. Her beside a grey earth pony she didn’t recognize, grinning as they flew kites together. Her, splayed out comically as she napped in the Princess’ library. She turned the page, finding more pictures. So she turned another, and another, and another, and another, and another, each filled with pictures of her, pictures she never remembered taking, pictures of events that never occurred to her. Pictures of her enjoying time with ponies she’d never met, pictures of her focusing on complex research, pictures of her and the Princess romantic dates… Each one shocked her more than the last, until she finally found one that caused her to stop cold.
A chill ran up Paper Quill’s spine. Before her, plain as can be, was a birthday party, no more disturbing than any other image she’d found: her and the Princess’ friends, her blowing out candles, and a pile of gifts in the background. Except for the banner, hung high above the entire ordeal, and easily legible. A banner that read “Happy Birthday Starlight Glimmer”. Her heart stopped as she stared at the image, trying to understand. No explanation, no excuse she could think of explained it, could rationalize the images she’d uncovered. None, except the one she refused to realize.
She tried to reason with the world. Surely it was impossible? A mere prank, meant to get some laughs at Pinkie’s next party? Maybe Twilight had met her twin sister she’d never known and had convinced her to go along with it? It couldn’t be true! She wasn’t a criminal, she’d never gone to war with the nation! Thoughts whirled in her psyche like a hurricane as her mind struggled under the weight of a revelation she could not yet accept. Every second sent her spiraling downwards, her magic growing less stable with every question she asked.
Why is the name of the most famous traitor in Equestrian history in a picture of my birthday party?
Why is there a picture of a birthday party I never remember having?
Why?
Why?
Why?
Wh—
The sound of the book hitting the crystal floor shook her from her reverie before echoing through the room and beyond. Barely a moment passed before the Princess appeared, blocking the doorway in a flash of purple light. The alicorn let out a small gasp as her eyes locked on the book, still open to the page that had disturbed Paper Quill. She quickly locked eyes with Paper in shocked silence.
Paper stared at her as tears pooled in the corner of her eyes, the sense of pain lancing through her heart as she realized. This was no prank, no trick. This was the truth, one that Twilight had kept from her.
She was Starlight Glimmer.
“You knew. You knew and you didn’t tell me.” Her hooves trembles as she backed away, putting distance between her and her betrayer.
“It’s fine, Paper. I’ll explain everything. Everything will be fine.” Twilight murmured in a gentle tone, as if soothing a wounded animal. Slowly, carefully, she advanced, gradually closing the gap between them.
Each step Twilight took echoed through Paper’s mind, a thundering impact that shook the foundations of her world, and sent her scurrying further back, further away. Her thoughts swirled with questions, emotions, and, most of all, fear. Fear that she’d discovered a secret she wasn't meant to. Fear that Twilight would do something terrible.
She nearly jumped as her plot run abruptly into a wall, leaving with no further space to retreat. Still, she slid further back, pressing herself into the wall, her hooves scrabbling on the hard floor.
All the while, Twilight kept advancing steadily, softly cooing, “Shh, shh, calm down, everything will be fine. I’ll explain everything, I promise. Just relax, deep breaths. You’re going to be okay.”
Her heart pounded harder and harder as the distance between the two mares grew smaller and smaller. By the time Twilight was a mere few steps away, she thought her heart might burst from the strain, and her breaths had shortened to the point that she felt as if she was drowning. Three steps between them. Two. One. Paper clamped her eyes shut, waiting for pain, for rage, for...something.
She jumped at the feeling of two legs wrapping around her, pulling her close in a warm embrace. Twilight’s murmurs became whispers, gently breathed into her ear as she hugged Paper. “You’re all right. Just relax, everything will be okay.” Slowly, she opened her eyes, her still-trembling form slowly relaxing as she grabbed onto Twilight’s words like a lifeline.
Everything will be fine. Twilight will explain how this was just a big misunderstanding, and then everything will go back to how it was.
Paper returned the hug, wrapping her forelegs around Twilight as her tears broke loose and streaked down her face. Her wracking sobs echoed through the room as she cried, partially in relief, partially in fear, partially in some emotion she could never put a name to.
As her sobs died away and Twilight’s murmurs faded to silence, Paper felt more clear headed than she ever had before, her mind empty of any thoughts. For a few minutes, she simply leaned on Twilight’s shoulder, letting the last of her emotions drain away. Finally, Twilight broke the silence, whispering once more in Paper Quill’s ear.
“I’m sorry.”
With that, Paper felt the tingle of magic within her mind as her consciousness faded away to darkness, her memories slipping away from her into a great beyond. As she tumbled into unconsciousness, a single remaining fragment, the lone piece to escape that all-consuming spell, rose up to meet her.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
It all felt so familiar: soft hide under her hoof, warm breath on her neck, and the sunlight gently trickling through the translucent drapes, casting the room with a gentle light. A soft purr put a smile on her face as she felt her partner shift beside her. She couldn’t help but whine in protest as the covers were thrown off, letting a wave of cold air bombard her as the warmth of her partner vanished from beside her. With goosebumps spreading over her skin, she scooted herself down the length of the bed, back under the blankets.
She couldn’t help but giggle a bit as she felt the familiar tingle of magic spread over her, tearing the blanket away from her. Paper vainly flailed her hooves above her, trying to keep the warmth from leaving, only to feel it slip away entirely.
Paper felt herself stretch out on the bed, letting the coolness drive the last shred of fog from her mind, before falling flat on the bed. A moment later, she felt a hoof gently poke her leg. Trying to stifle her giggles, she shifted her leg away, splaying herself out on the bed. The hoof followed, it’s gentle proddings growing into soft strokes before becoming full blown tickling.
“Mercy, mercy!” Paper laughed as she writhed around on the bed, trying to escape her lover’s incorrigible hooves. Eventually, her contortions sent her tumbling over the edge, landing on the hard floor with a soft thump. A concerned face poked over the bed, worry etched into the eyes, sending her into another fit of giggles. A gentle smile broke out over her lover’s face, as Paper’s world was swallowed by a pair of deep purple eyes.
“Morning, sleepyhead.”
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
A slight tear trickled down Twilight’s face as her spell caused the last of Paper’s memories to flow into the glass jar. Stoppering it and setting it aside, she gently picked up Paper in her aura, resting her carefully on her back before teleporting both of them to Paper’s room. Making sure not to disturb her passenger, Twilight made her way over to the single bed occupying the space, letting out a small sigh as she gently lifting the covers and slid Paper underneath them.
As her aura grabbed the covers to pull the covers up and over the sleeping pony, Twilight found herself hesitating. To see the form of Starlight, laying in bed as moonlight spilled through the window, raised in her a desire she knew she could never fulfill. She wished with all her heart she could climb in beside the sleeping form of Starlight, as she’d done so long ago, and awaken too early to her marefriend’s thunderous snoring. Starlight was gone, and while Paper Quill was her in every physical sense, she would never be Starlight.
The thought sent a sharp stab of pain into her heart. Steeling herself, she forced herself to look away, breaking her trance at the sight of the most beautiful mare she’d ever known. She made her way out of the room, resisting the urge to look back with every step. Once she’d cleared the doorway, she slowly swung it shut behind her, careful not to disturb the pony on the other side. Her task complete, she closed her eyes as she charged a teleport home.
With a flash, her castle materialized around her, the tall ceilings and echoing acoustics leaving a lonely feeling in contrast to Paper’s cozy abode. Her office remained as she’d left it: books piled beside a bookshelf, desk piled with papers and documents she had yet to complete, and sitting on the floor was the glass jar, glowing gently with an aura of magic.
Occasionally, the shimmering light would shift, just for a moment, into an image, a memory. Twilight shivered as the lights danced together to form her face, a look of anger and fear engraved in her visage. She remembered why, the terror raging inside her when she’d learned of Paper’s “nightmares”, but she still couldn’t escape the haunting expression she’d had.
Did I really look like that?
The image danced away into the maelstrom once more. Twilight closed her eyes, gently reaching out her aura to the jar.
What I looked like doesn’t matter…
The jar lifted slowly, as if filled with a heavy weight. Making sure not to bump anything around her, she made her way to the bookcase, the same one Starlight had searched just a short while earlier. Steeling herself, she sent out even more of her magic to shove it aside, sending the heavy wood scraping across the crystal floor.
Despite the weight, it only took a moment for the door to appear, set into the wall like any other, yet carefully concealed from prying eyes. She let out a sigh as she finally released her hold, only to stiffen as she felt the gentle brush of glass against her cheek.
Horseapples…
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Paper’s flank was cold as it pressed up against the wall, keeping her from retreating any further as Twilight advanced upon her. Her quick breaths left her lightheaded, but she could only keep trying to back away, paralyzed by the fear within her. Despite the serene expression on Twilight’s face, there was a sense of malice and purpose to her stride, which set a heavy tension in the air.
Paper’s eyes squeezed shut as Twilight got closer, blocking off all sight and letting the sharp clicks of hooves on crystal grow louder and louder. The sound grew to be the only sense she possessed, a deafening booming in an endless void, until, suddenly, a heavy form slammed into her chest, knocking the breath from her lungs…
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
The vision shattered like glass as Twilight hastily pulled the jar back from her, her lungs heaving as she tried to reclaim her breath. Her legs trembled in the aftershock of adrenaline as she gathered herself. She’d never realized exactly how terrified her marefriend had been when she’d been discovered nosing in places she shouldn’t have been, both this time and every time before.
No, that wasn’t true. She’d known. She had just tried not to think about it. An excuse she could use no longer. She couldn’t ignore the price she’d lain at the hooves of her friend now.
Yet, she knew if she had to go back and change it, she wouldn’t. She’d made her decision long ago, and not even this would keep her from standing by it. She would not lose Starlight again.
She shook her head, scattering the last shreds of the emotion that had paralyzed her just a moment before. Gently opening the door, she carefully stepped forwards into the darkness beyond the shelf, making sure to keep a healthy distance between the glass jar and her body. A moment later, the room came alive as the enchanted torches recognized a living body within their domain and ignited.
The room wasn’t large, by any means. Its modest size was easily lit by a pair of torches, and the walking space was a touch cramped. No furniture adorned the room, yet a single fixture stood out: every wall had inset shelves, stacked three high from floor to ceiling, and upon which sat dozens of jars, swirling with light, just like the one she held. Carefully maneuvering the jar, she slid in firmly in beside another, completing the length of shelf. Out of habit, she made note of the remaining space.
“Only one shelf left. Going to need to expand soon.”
She turned back towards the doorway, intent on leaving, but found herself hesitating. Her eye had caught on a jar, the light swirly with more energy and violence than any of the others. A jar that wars worn and chipped with age, yet still held firm its contents.
She slowly made her way over to that jar, making sure not to disturb any of the others from their resting places. With the size of the room, it only took her a couple steps to find herself staring into its depths. Like the others, images swirled inside. Images of a small town where every pony shared a cutie mark. Images of Twilight and her friends, seen from rooftops and alleys as she scuttled in the shadows. Images of clouds, the same day repeated on loop as a spell pulled time into a knot. Images of a school, students racing about as teachers calmly herded them back to class.
Images of Twilight alone, as they spent dates talking over food, and nights sharing a bed. Their best moments, smiling and laughing. Their worst moments, spent arguing and fighting. Their mutual pain at their failed wedding. The sheer agony they both shared when Starlight broke off their relationship. But what hurt most of all were the images of war.
Memories of death and violence swirled through the light, as Starlight’s army marched on Canterlot. Twilight remembered the battle in vivid detail: every soldier felled, every drop of blood spilled would be forever engraved on her memory. She wished Starlight had been willing to share her pain, wished there was something she could have done, even now. Yet, all she could do was look back on the past, and live it so no other would have to. She slowly reached out her hoof, tapping it against the glass and letting it pull her back in.
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
The swirling light solidified in her vision, into the form of the Sun Monarch, Celestia, staring down at her with an expression of sheer hatred even as tears rolled down her face. Beside her, Cadence looked on in sorrow, seemingly unable to bring herself to intervene in what was to some. A moment passed where the world moved without sound, before it too suddenly sprang into being.
“-brought this army to our door! You killed my sister, killed Luna, and I will never forgive you for it. Now DIE!”
Celestia’s horn lit with magic, swirling in a vortex beyond imagining as it called down the heat of the sun, charging it into a lance of death. The monarch rearing back was the last image Starlight saw before her eyes slammed shut, waiting for her death.
Waiting...for a death that never came.
A familiar voice rang out, one that she could never forget as long as she lived. One that had been engraved on her heart. The voice of the Princess of Friendship. Her lover.
Her betrayer.
“STOP!” Starlight’s eyes snapped open as that single word echoed across the battlefield. Her once-marefriend had planted herself between her and the other Alicorn. Though the rage in Celestia’s expression hadn’t faded, the lessening glow told Starlight the white-coated mare had dispersed her spell.
“Step aside, my faithful student. She killed my sister, and will answer for it. Or do you plan to betray Equestria as well?” Her voice caught on the last word.
“You’re right, she does need to atone. But this isn’t the way, Princess.” Twilight’s voice was astonishingly firm, considering all that had happened.
“Move, Twilight! Or else I’ll-” From the corner of her eye, Starlight noticed Cadence reach out her wing towards Celestia, placing it gently on her aunt’s withers. Celestia met the Princess of Love’s gaze, before the younger alicorn slowly shook her head. Celestia just stared for a second. Then the moment passed, as she looked back to Twilight, her voice quivering with anger.
“You still love her.” It wasn’t a question. “But...how can you still love her? How can you want to save a monster like her? After she killed so many? After she killed...Luna…” Celestia’s voice broke as her rage finally shattered, draining her of energy. The sun alicorn slumped to the ground, tears streaming down her face. “How…”
Cadence knelt down next to the weeping goddess, sweeping her wings around her in a comforting embrace. Twilight took a tentative step towards her mentor, but a single look from Cadence made her hesitate. A moment passed, indecision between going to her mentor’s side and dealing with her errant marefriend evident in her every action, before she turned to face Starlight where she still lay. The expression engraved on her face sent chills down Starlight’s spine, because it wasn’t the face of the Twilight she knew. This was the face of a monarch delivering judgement, the face of authority laying down punishment.
“Starlight Glimmer, you have waged war against our kingdom. You have proven that you are too dangerous to let live, and thus, you must die.” Then Twilight’s expression softened, becoming full of sadness and regret. “Yet you are also my friend, and so, you must live. I can think of only one solution. You, Starlight Glimmer, will die, your personality sealed away until the end of time. You, Starlight Glimmer, will live, by spending the rest of your days as another person.”
Magical energy swirled around Twilight’s horn, more than Starlight had ever seen before, even when she’d cast the time travel spell. Then, it suddenly flowed forwards, a river of power spiraling straight into her mind. She felt her entire being detach itself, bit by bit, as new memories, experiences, and ideals flowed in to replace them. Before everything went dark forever, she heard Twilight speak one final word.
“Goodbye.”
/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\/\
Twilight took a couple steps back as a wave of vertigo washed over her, followed by an unpleasant feeling of nausea. Bracing her legs, she focused on balancing as the sensations faded, eventually allowing her to walk once more. Shaking her head one last time, she watched the jar that was all that remained of Starlight, the real Starlight, hoping to see just a little bit more. But the images had faded, leaving behind only shifting light and hypnotic energy. Letting out a deep sigh, Twilight turned to the door, shooting one last hopeful look over her shoulder. Then, she left, gently closing the door behind her as the torches doused their flames.
As the last of the light was cut off by the door, the room was illuminated only by the swirling energies of the memories, resting on their shelves. Row upon row of shining jars, holding the experiences of her once marefriend, who blamed the world for her troubles. They had waited before, and would wait again, until Twilight would give in once more, and come back to visit the past.
She always did.
Author's Note
This took me forever to write. Not sure why.
Anyways, hope you guys enjoyed.
