The Best Laid Out Plans 3: An April Fools Trilogy

by Bysen

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Mystery, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Shining Armor, Equestria Girls, Twilight Sparkle, Twilight Velvet, Alternate Universe, Human, Drama
Length: 8657

It has been 3 years since Twilight told the Cadence and Shining to stop pulling pranks since they just kept backfiring. Which was why they'd never expect her to pull one now.

Prequels are not required reading but it helps. Actually, they're literally summed up in about a paragraph at the start of this story.
It has been 3 years since Twilight told the others to stop pulling pranks since they just kept backfiring. Which was why they'd never expect her to pull one now.

Cadence, and Shining are roughly 20 and Twilight is roughly 16. Also humans.

No alicorn princesses where harmed in the making of this fic. Depending on if you think <spoilers> is a princess or not. P.S. she is. At least in my heart.

The Best Laid Out Plans 0: An April Fools Prequal, coming next april first.
But then again I said that about this story in 2 and that took 3 years...

Published 2019-04-01 06:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-04-03 01:16:31 UTC

Again, still not technically set in April

“Mom?” Twilight asked as she walked into the living room. She’d grown a lot in the last three years since she’d hit her growth spurt. But most noticeable of it were her new glasses. They were only temporary though and with them her eyes should correct themselves within the year. She’d gone from a young girl to an awkward, lanky teen… the miracles of puberty. “I need to take a week off of school. Is that alright with you?”

Velvet, Twilight’s mother, was taken aback by the question. Twilight loved school so to ask to take a week off, it must’ve been a serious issue. “What’s wrong Sweetie, why don’t you want to go?” True, she had enjoyed her time at Crystal Prep less since Cadence and her brother had graduated, Cadence going off to college and Shining enlisting in the army, but she never seemed to dislike it at all.

“It’s not that I don't want to, but I’ve been working on a plan to prank Shining and I...”

“Wasn’t it you who yelled at the three of them to stop pulling pranks when you, Cadence and Chrysalis tried to prank Shining but got pranked in turn when Chrysalis faked her death and made you think Shining Armour murdered her, in revenge for when you three tried to prank him the year before that but Chrysalis told him about it and he turned it back on you but left her in a room with you and Cadence afterwards and you taped her to a flagpole leading to her abduction by that weird fluffy pink girl who gasped alot?”

“That was a really long run on sentence. And slightly confusing from a chronological sense.” Twilight replied. “But yes, that about covers the history of our pranks. Although it was a phone pole, not a flagpole and the girl's named Fluffle Puff. They're friends now so it all worked out.” she clarified which only got her a disapproving glare from Velvet. “Heheh… see… so far Shining hasn’t been pranked. So if I do this it’ll make us completely even. Plus I told them to stop pulling pranks. I never mentioned myself.”

It was the logic of a teenager alright. But Velvet couldn’t say she’d never done anything similar at her daughter’s age. “Alright, fill me in on the details first though at least.”

“Good, I was going to need your help too. And probably dad’s. I’m, going to fake my own kidnapping!”

Author's Note

Deleted line:
“That was a really long run on sentence. And slightly confusing from a chronological sense.” Twilight replied

Correct timeling...
Cadence [16] Twilight [12] wanted to figure out who Shining loved more so faked a kidnapping by Chrysalis, Shining's ex. Chrysy told Shining about it so he flipped the prank back on those two. He then releived Chrysy told him and left her in the room with them and they duct taped her to a phone pole. Fluffle puff may or may not have legit kidnapped her then.
1 year later.
Cadence wanted to get back at Shining and so did Chrysy. Twilight didn't but got dragged into it. Chrysy would get Shining drunk at a party and make out with him and Cadence would make him feel guilty about it. This never though and Chrysy stole his phone and faked texts saying she'd slept with him and he'd threatened her and then she disapeeared from school for a week after he'd ask to meet her in his back yard making Cadence and Twilight think Shining had killed her and buried her in the garden behind the shed. They dug her body up which was actually a pig carcass, Shining found them, they screemed, Velvet came out and asked WTF was going on and why Shining's ex was standing in the shed door laughing. Twilight then got super pissed and demanded no more pranks.
Current day...

Set in like August or something

Shining Armour had a week's leave from the army and had been back since Friday night. Twilight and him had spent all friday night catching up, playing games, talking about his life in the army and her school and what it was like having your own private learning room and assured him it was a ‘special’ room. They stayed up until 4am when their father can come down stairs and told them “Go to celestia-damned bed already I have to get up in two hours!”

Their father, Orion Comet [or OC for short], had gotten them to go to sleep but managed to wake up Velvet who had slept through all of it until then. He was promptly sent back downstairs to sleep on the couch he’d just kicked them off of.

The two siblings didn’t wake up the next day until about midday and after that spent much of that day talking too. Sunday however Shining went to the mall to meet up with Cadence and see the new Jaws remake. They missed most of it because they still hadn’t figured out that movies had been replaced by neighflix for that kinda thing years ago. He invited her to dinner and assured her the his room was sound proof enough. It wasn’t.

“Cadence!” Velvet low-yelled as she saw her obviously/hopefully future daughter-in-law and gave her a hug. “I haven’t seen you in months. How have you been?” she asked still hugging the girl. Well, young lady now. Cadence was taking classes and preparing to be a teacher. The last Velvet had heard is that she’d be interning under Principle Cinch back in Crystal Prep starting next semester. Velvet pulled away and looked up at the girl and… “Have you gotten taller?”

“I don’t think so. Have you gotten shorter?” Cadence asked with a cheeky smile. She’d started wearing heels because… well, does she really need a reason? Velvet pouted at this, mostly out of fear that she had but quickly noticed it was just a friendly joke.

“Well, watch your head on the hallway arch.” she replied with a smirk and stepped aside before heading back to the lounge room. The two of them followed. “Twilight isn’t with you? I thought she went with you to the mall this morning Shining Armour.”

“No. I haven’t seen her all day.” Shining answered. “She’s probably at the library. Wait, is it open on Sundays?”

“It’s a public library Shining Armour.” Cadance answered.

“Yeah… so is it open or not?” he asked right back. The next half hour was spent with the three of them discussing if a public service or a government facility would be open on the weekend or not. Velvet kept mentioning that Twilight would know and that the two of them should do more stuff with Twilight that she wanted to do, and generally keep an eye on her. You know, make sure you know what she’s up to and where she is.

They were finally interrupted by OC arriving home. Shining and him started on dinner in the kitchen where they belonged, while Velvet and Cadence got to have some ‘girl time’ together as those two dumb males [as Cadence and Velvet put it] put it. “Well… it’s not a real ‘girl time’ if we don’t discuss boys right?” Velvet said refilling her glass of wine, and by glass I mean coffee mug because she’s a classy woman, and offering to refill Cadences glass. After All the legal drinking age in Equestria is 18. Unlike those brutish simpletons down south in Eaglerica where it was 21.

Cadence however responded “No thank you…” as she took another sip, trying to hide her obvious cringe at the taste.

Velvet just chuckled at her, filled her own glass, closed her eyes and took a sip. Lowering the glass, she opened them again sharply and death-stared directly at Cadence. “What are your intentions with my son.” as she leaned in close. It wasn’t a question, it was a statement.

“Uh…” Cadence barely managed to mutter out. Sure, she knew this was a joke but Velvets eyes looked exactly like her father’s when he’d met Shining. She figured she’d use the same smart arse answer too. “The… same thing as you and his father?” she answered back.

“So you’re going to entrap him by getting pregnant, hmm?” she said, dropping her glare and downing her drink. Cadence’s face fell.

“I… uh… wot?”

“Pphhhaha… I’m kidding you. But seriously… are the two of you planning on a future together yet? After all, if you’re not dating to get married then you’re dating to break up.” Velvet joked once more.

“Hehe… ‘kid in you’.” Cadence tried to joke back. It was clear to Velvet that this line of discussion was making Cadence uncomfortable. And that was all part of the plan. On top of going along with Twilight’s prank, she was making sure Cadence was nice and stressed before it even started. OC was also giving Shining a similar talk in the kitchen right now as well.

Velvet wasn’t worried about causing any issues between the two of them though. The two would get married after Cadence’s four year of college and Shining’s four years in the army. Just like the gypsy woman said.

“Dinner’s ready.” OC walked in and told the two girls. “Um… did I interrupt something?” they both looked at him. “O...k… then…” he added before turning and leaving the room. Only to pop his head back in real quick and sayu “Oh, and Cadence, could you go up stairs and tell Twilight to come down for dinner? Thanks.” and he was gone.

“Twilight’s home?” Cadence asked.

“I guess so. Must've missed it somehow.” Velvet answered as she stood up and took her bottle into the dining room. Cadence went to head up stairs. Velvet caught herself. She never [rarely] drank in front of Twilight. It would be too much of a clue if she kept on drinking. She found the cork and forced it back in. It resisted as if it wanted to be drunk but Velvet finally got it.

Placing it back in the cupboard she took her seat just before Cadence came back downstairs. “Twilight’s not upstairs.” she wasn’t worried, just stating a fact as she walked behind her seat and leant on the still pushed-in chair’s back. “Should we wait for her?”

“We should but…” Shining nodded towards Dad’s Spaghetti that the two of them had made. Cadence sighed and pulled out her chair. Shining served up the plates and left enough in the bowl for Twilight. Though that was more likely for seconds than her. Giving a few extra meatballs to Cadence and only one extra to himself he finished dishing out the meal and sat down himself. “I’ll say grace. On top of spaghetti, all covered in cheese. I lost my poor meatball when somebody sneezed. Neighmen.”

“NEIGHMEN” the rest followed and dug in.

Author's Note

This chapter was split in 2 because it was 3 times as long as the other chapters and even though they all end at a solid point in the story and this one doesn't it just fits better word count wise.

Set in like August or something but a few days later

It wasn't a moment sooner that the doorbell rang. Naturally everyone kept eating in hopes that someone else would offer to stand up and answer it. Eventually OC told the table “I cooked dinner…”

“I have company.” Shining added.

“I am company. “ quipped Cadence.

“Well I'm drunk.” Velvet slurred.

“No you're not…” said all three in unison.

“Well it was worth a shot.” as she put down her fork and chopsticks, slid out her chair and stood up. Twilight hadn't been clear on how she'd announce her abduction. Velvet had expected a phone call with a scrambled voice on the other end. But a ransom letter made sense too. And as she opened the door there was no one there. Looking down she was proven correct as a small envelope lay on the welcome mat. Picking it up, she turned and headed back to the table.

Now was when she had to sell it. And so she chose to ignore the letter for the next fifteen minutes or so while she finished her meal. Placing the envelope on the on the coffee table, she retook her seat and finished dinner in time for OC to say “that’s the second time you’ve kicked me… if you don’t stop playing footsies my shoes are coming off and I’m joining in. Which naturally made Velvet kick his leg under the table. “That’s it!...”

Eventually, once all four of them had Shining’s burger king foot lettuce he’d gotten from the army base showers, had finished eating, Shining went for a second helping. Velvet whapped the back of his hand with a napkin “Leave some for your sister. Since you’re already finished, could you call her and ask when she’ll be home? Dinner’s getting cold.” his mother asked. Velvet flinched for a moment as she remembered the plan she’d forgotten about and the letter on the coffee table.

Luckily it looked like Shining was already getting up and Cadence was watching him so no one gave any notice to her slip up. Although the letter was going ignored now calling would be the first thing they did after opening a ransom letter. Shining talked up to his room and called. My little pony. My little pony. Ah-ah-ah-ah! My little pony, I used to wond-. The call was coming from inside the house.

Twilight’s ringtone rang throughout and quickly stopped “Did Twily just walk in?” Shining asked as he walked down the stairs. He didn’t see her and neither did the other three. “Did she leave her phone at home?”

“That’s not like Twilight.” Velvet replied.

“What about staying out late?” Shining asked.

“That is like her.” Velvet said as she stood up.

She knew this was all part of a plan but it wasn’t like she’d imagined it and she was still Twilight’s mother. Worry began to creep in just a bit. “I’ll call the library and see if Twilight’s accidently tripped their motion sensor again. In the meanwhile, her phone sounded like it came from the couch, it’s probably down a cushion. Could you call it agai-”

“Twily breaks into the library? That’s pretty hardcore.”

“No. I mean she stays reading when the library closes and doesn’t notice…” replied velvet as she finished her own phone out of her manpurse. She'd swapped with her husband a few years back and had kept his. And him hers. She hit the contact, a few moments passed and “Hello Harshwhinny, it’s Velvet again. I’m just calling to see if Twilight’s still at the library. … uh-huh … uh-huh … uh-huh… Ok, thank you.” she said with gritted teeth as she hung up. “Insufferable bitch…” she muttered to herself. “She’s not there.” Velvet said louder.

My little pony. My little pony. Ah ah ah- “Uh… mom. Your letter’s ringing.” Shining said, handing her the envelope she’d gotten earlier. It continued to play the theme song as Shining opened it. He didn’t recognise the phone but the words ‘Incoming call from B.B.B.F.F.’ told him it was hers. He ended his call and looked at… “Oh what the fuck?!”

The home screen was a photo of Twilight, tied to a chair with duct tape. Her hair was messy and strands of it had clearly been pulled out by herself when she tried to turn her head wrapped in tape that was fully around her covering her eyes and mouth, leaving her nose free to breath. She was missing a shoe and her shirt was stretched. The only piece of comfort it looks like who ever had done this had given her was a a single pen sized hole in the duct tape over her mouth so she could breath. She didn’t look battered or bruised but not much of her face could be seen.

Cadence gasped. “Does she have a boyfriend?” and stood up from her seat, hurriedly walking over to see that had surprised Sh- “Oh what the fuck!?!”

“Do I want to know?” OC asked, not standing up and not wanting to know. “You shouldn’t be looking at your sister’s phone to begin with.” He was either playing dumb about the prank or actually thought there was a dick pic on her daughter’s phone. Or both. He knew Cadence well enough that when she didn’t say ‘It’s even bigger than yours Shining’ that he knew it wasn’t that opinion and stood up to go look.

He had only just gotten out of his chair when “AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!” screamed Velvet as she hand-on-face pushed cadence out of the way. She grabbed the phone and read the letter that was on Twilight’s chest. Stabled to it.

We have your daughter
If you want to see her again leave
5000 bits
In a plastic bag in the bag recycling bin
At the library
Or you will never see her again
Call the police and we’ll know
This will be the only message

It was written in magazine cut outs and and looked crappily aligned.

“It’s fake.” Shining said dismissively.

Cadence, reeling from both the shock and the shove asked “What… are you sure?”

“That crappy wall behind her. That’s Chrysalis’ house. She’s trying to prank us.” Shining stated. He could tell by Cadence’s face and her mother’s amazing acting that both of them were still concerned. “5000 bits? That’s nothing. I have that. They’d ask for way more if this was real. At the library? C’mon. And this happened the week that I’m back and you’re here too? I don’t believe it for a second.”

And it convinced Cadence. His mother, knowing, was impressed by her son. Nonetheless “No, we can’t risk it! I don’t care if it’s a prank. If there’s even a 1% chance of it then we have to treat it as an absolute certainty!”

“That’s not how statistics work…” Shining said, recognising that line from, that movie he loved.

“No, that’s exactly how risk assessment works.” OC said, walking over, having not seen the picture yet. He was an architect and if a building had a 1% chance of failure that was treated as a certainty. “Think Chrysy kidnapped her?”

“‘Chrysy’?” Cadence asked with the slightest tone of jealousy. “And how do you know that’s her house?”

Velvet had cut the water works by now. He’d figured it out, there wasn’t anything she could do about it. Or was there? “Where does chrysalis live? I’m going there right now!”

“Sure, I’ll come with you.” Shining answered. Though didn’t actually answer the question.

“Me too.” Cadence added. “But how can we turn this back on them? I don’t want to call the police. If it’s fake then Twilight'll get in trouble too. Do either of you know any police who can give them a scare?” Velvet’s mind went to three ‘police’ she knew but their uniforms weren't exactly convincing outside of the strip club. She did however note to take Cadence there for her bachelorette.

“Wait a second… you’re in on this! Aren’t you?” Shining asked his mother. She’d given it away. Thinking about something else, she’d gotten too calm. And she may’ve been an alright actor but acting and poker facing where two different things! “You are!”

“N-no…. Hhhaaa… fine. I am.” Velvet confessed. “A-and so’s your father!” she added, trying to at least share the blame.

“I’ve got it!” declared Shining. “I know how to turn this back on Twilight.” he said as the camera zoomed in on his face, tilted slightly as dark bars filled the top and bottom of screen leaving only his evilly squinted eyes. “I’m going to need 5000 bits.”

Author's Note

Going to be honest... this was not the original plan at all.
I had a very solid plan for everything. At least I did 3 years ago...
Shining figuring it out was always part of that but Velvet admitting it was not. But I thought of something funny and figured, yeah, let's do that.

Actually, it's set in July, my bad

Cadence called Celestia, her [adoptive] mother and told her about the proposal. She immediately started preparing the wedding. Usually it was customary for the husband’s family to pay for the wedding but while his family was very well off, he was marrying into money big time. Like, retire at 25, buy a small town in the north and become mayor for fun type of money.

Celestia was coming around with Luna for dinner and celebration of the event. They assumed Twilight would be too. She’d either been nearby to see it herself or had someone there to ‘collect’ or… actually how beside the first option no one really knew but they all knew it was a prank so surely Twilight would figure out in turn that her parents had ratted her out to Shining who as usual, given their prank’s history, flipped it back on her.

Celestia with Luna and a bottle of expensive champagne. Very expensive champagne. VERY. “Velvet, Orian. I’ve heard so much about you. It’s great to finally meet. I’m Celestia, and this my sister Luna. I brought you a gift. Hope you like Blanc De Flancs. Oh, and there was this little box was...” Celestia stopped talking at she clearly wasn’t being heard anymore.

Velvet didn’t hear anything after Celestia had handed her the champagne bottle which she took with amazement. She didn’t know much about high class champaign but looking at the bottle she knew this needed to be on ice. OC was just trying to to feel emasculated at being the shortest person in the house, made even more noticeable by these two amazoness’ that had just walked in. “Take a seat, dinner’s just about ready.”

The smell of indian was in the air. They would’ve prepared something fancier but none of them knew ahead of time, save Shining who only knew by last night and let alone they’d have guests. Even Cadence hadn’t been expected to be here tonight. They sat down and awaited the engaged couple to serve up dinner. Why the celebrate-ies were cooking dinner was beyond anyone there but that wasn’t the weirdest thing today. Most of those things she would neglect to mention to her mother and auntie-sort-of-other-mother.

Oh god they’re going to ask for details… Twilight better get here soon with some context. Cadence set the plates and Shining served up the food. There was more than enough for everyone plus Twilight when she arrived and her place at the table was set. It was slightly cramped with six people at the table and would only get worse when she arrived. Food served, everyone at the table had the tact to not eat until Cadence and Shining had been seated.

“Are we expecting one more?” Luna asked looking at the seat set for Twilight.

“Yes, it’s been so long since I’ve seen Twilight. Will she be with us tonight? Or is away at college? I think she’d be about that age by now. I haven’t seen her in many years. Not since Cadence used to sit for her.

“Well, you see…” Cadence began.

“Long story, she’ll probably be a bit late.” Shining finished as he took his seat along with Cadence. “I’ll say grace.”

“Really? In front of guests?” Cadence asked. “Well, I guess it’s best they find out now than later.”

“Eh-hem” Shining said, closing his eyes and putting out a hand to either side of him. They took them and he began. “Good rice. Good curry. Good golly. Let’s hurry. Neighmen.”

While most followed with neighmen, Luna just snorted in laughter. They all dug in for about a minute before Velvet asked “Shining Armour, would you like some champagne?” as she motioned to the glorious monument of glass and ice in the center of the table.

“Not just yet.” he said, looking at her. Her eyes almost fully round. “Oh… yes, I’ll open the bottle.” and he reached oven and pulled the bottle out of it’s cooler. Undid the the covering and stared for a moment at the cork that was neither a pop off or twist of beer bottle cap. Celestia offered him a corkscrew and about a minute later, he opened the bottle and poured himself and his fiance half a glass. “Would you like so-”

“Yes!” and he poured her a glass. Then Celestia. Then his mother. Then Luna and his father. As he went to put the bottle back in the ice bucket, he noticed small ring box on the table.

“Oh yes, that was out on the doorstep when we arrived. There’s a note on the bottom saying ‘congratulation’ so I brought it in for you. I almost forgot about it with your mothers excitement over the bottle. Well, go ahead, open it.”

The small box was a velvet plush covered box that a ring or some such jewelry would usually be in. And with just about half a centimetre of duct tape was attached a note covering the top, wrapping over the front and going to the bottom. And the top of the note did indeed read’ Congratulations’ as one word cut out from a magazine. It read...

Congratulations
on your engagement
In celebration we got you a gift
P.S. we want bits, not the ring

Both Cadence and Shining looked sheepishly at one another. Peeling the note off they opened the box. The two of them stared for a moment. Then at each other and a wordless question was asked between them. The answer was yes. That was in fact a severed human ring finger in the box.

Shining was the first to say something. “Huh… I thought they said the first one would be the only message.

Wait, no, I went the wrong way, I meant September

“Might I ask a question?” Celestia asked, leaning over where she’d been sitting next to cadence. Her daughter looked at her and gave a very basic level of acknowledgement. “Why is there a human finger in that box?”

“A What?!” Velvet yelled, leaning over from her spot next to Shining. “Oh my god… how- she told me herself it wasn- what if- is that real? Is it real?!”

Shining poked it. Then poked it again. Then once more for good measure. “Not a chance.”

“I’m calling the cops.” Luna said immediately after.

“Wait…” Cadence interrupted as Auntie Lulu reached for her phone. “It’s not real. I think…” getting a raised eyebrow from both Luna and Celestia. “See… Twilight and we have this sorta prank war going on and well… okay, bare with me because it’s very stupid. So Shining proposed to me at the ransom drop site with a ring he’d bought with the ransom money…”

Both Celestia and Luna’s disapproving gaze shifted from Cadence to her fiance. “I can explain…” he defended. “See… it was funny. Because that whole prank war, well mom was in on it and told us she’d faked her kidnapping to prank us. So we flipped the prank on her-”

“Is this proposal a prank?”

“No!” Shining yelled. “I made share Cadence when I asked her. I love her and am so glad she said yes. Although… thinking back on it. This is going to be a weird one to explain to our kids if they ask us.”

“Kids?” OC asked.

“No, just… it’s just an expression.”

“No it’s not.”

“I mean… who else would ask?”

“You never asked us. And I think ours wins on that front anyway. But that’s a story for next year. Twilight’s finger.”

“Right. Twilight’s… fin...ger…” Shining muttered. “It’s… not real.” whether he believed that or was in denial at this point, even he was unsure.

“I’m calling the police.” Celestia said this time. “Whether it’s real or not the policy of Cantalot High, which I agree with, is in the event of a kidnapping to call the authorities and pay any ransom and make all efforts to ensure the student’s safety.” said said as she dialedo n her phone, pressed call and got answered. “ … There’s been a kidnapping. … Honestly, no I’m not sure. But better safe than sorry. … Yes, that would be best. … Wait, you actually can track mobile phones that easily? … Ok, I’ll stay on the lien until they get here.”

Only a few minutes passed, with Cadence giving a recap of the last 4 chapters and Velvet slowly slipping into the realisation that this was all real after all. While that was happening Shining was making a call of his own. “Nnnn… hello?” a very lazily answer came from Chrysalis.”

“Chrysalis, It’s Shining Armour.”

“Shining....” she said, barely registering him at first before perking up dramatically. “Shiny! To what do I owe the pleasure?”

“You know what this is about…” Shining answered deadpan.

There was a small pause before Chrysalis answered. “Oh… I’m sorry to hear that but… I’m afraid that my offer to get back together when you and Candy Ass broke up has ended. A lot can happen in two months and I’ve met someone.”

“No. Listen, I’m not playing around. I know you and Twilight are pulling another prank and it needs to stop. Now. Just came over with her and we’ll forget this ever happened. My…” he hesitated on the next words. Not because he already considered her this to him, no just that it was awkward to say knowing that both his mom and the one actually doing it could hear it. “My mom’s calling calling the cops now.”

Again, another small pause. Before laughter. “Oh that’s priceless. I almost wish I was a part of it. But unfortunately. I’m in Prance. Also you woke me up, it’s only 11am here. Here, speak to Thorax if you don’t believe me.” her voice dropped down as if no longer right next to the phone. “Say hello to mommy’s old boy toy.”

“Um… hello?”

“Put Chrysalis back on.”

“Oui.”

“Isn’t he just edible? He’s only 15 and I don’t even think that’s legal here. … hello? Did you know up on me?”

And with the regret of having put that on speaker phone for his parents, Velvet only fell deeper into dread. If it wasn’t Chrysy then who else could it be but a real kidnapping. “She’s lying.” Shining said was absolutely no conviction whatsoever. There was a knock on the front door.

“Police. We’ve gotten a call about a kidnapping.”

Velvet scream-cried “Just yell it to the whole neighbourhood!” and rushed for the door. She was met by two police in uniform.

“I’m Officer Spitfire. This is Officer Soarin’, with an apostrophe at the end instead of a ‘g’. And yes, that is his legal name now.” Spitfire said with a modicum of announces in her tone. “Are you the one who called?”

“No, I am. They’re here. I’ll just hang up now. Goodbye Sombre, it’s been nice speaking with you.” as she pressed end call and came to the door. “This might be a bit unusual. Came in… oh, this isn’t my house. Sorry.” and she gestured to Velvet who welcomed them in.

Velvet told them everything, tears running down here face. And the bearly audiable muttering under his breathe of ‘A little, yeah…’ from Soarin’, with an apostrophe at the end instead of a ‘g’ when she’d asked ‘Am I a terrible mother?’ didn’t help. For which he received a sharp elbow in the ribs from Spitfire. Eventually, they’d heard the whole story and had asked if this was some sorta prank twice. Both times receiving a ‘I don’t know!’ from Velvet.

“Soarin’, with an apostrophe at the end instead of a ‘g’, go to the car and put this into the system.” he nodded, stood and left for the cruiser parked out front. “Have you got a photo of Twilight other than the ransom one?” and she was instantly handed three framed postcard sized photos off of the wall. “Alright. This one will do.” she said before reaching up to the radio on her shoulder and pressing the button down. “Could I get an APB on a young purple girl, 16[ish], with glasses, dark purple hair with a pink streak usually in a bun. Last seen in or around Ponyville Street yesterday morning.”

A few seconds passed before “I think I got you girl. Saw her half doped up heading into the Washouts gang place on the corner of Sugarcube Weigh. Got charges against her? Could help us get a warrant to raid th pl-”

Spitfire was already rushing towards the door at this point. “Negative, girl is possible kidnap victim. I’m enroute to Sugarcube corner, sending you picture to confirm identity. Possible swat team needed.” and she sprinted to her car, light on, no sirens [yet] and she and Soari- her partner, screeched out of the driveway.

“Where are the keys?!” both Cadence and Velvet yelled in unison. Shining, Cadence, Velvet and OC all got in the car and pulled out in almost as much of a rush, Velvet behind the wheel. Celestia and Luna still standing in the driveway.

“I told you we shouldn’t have gotten an ewe-ber here.” Luna groaned.

Author's Note

Deleted scene
“I’m calling the cops.” Luna said almost immediately.

“Wait…” Cadence interrupted as Auntie Lulu reached for her phone. “It’s not real. I think…” getting a raised eyebrow from both Luna and Celestia. “See… Twilight and we have this sorta prank war going on and well… okay, bare with me because it’s very stupid. So Shining proposed to me at the ransom drop site with a ring he’d bought with the ransom money…”

“I’m calling the cops.” Luna repeated. “But for a different reason.” Celestia nearly leapt over the table at Shining Armour.

“Is this all just some prank?!” she asked/demanded, placing a hand on each of his shoulders and slowly moving them towards the neck.

“Uh…” Shining stuttered as the hand got closer to his throat. “Is it weird this is kinda turning me on?”

April

They had lost the cop car when OC had insisted on not letting his wife drive in the state she was in. He couldn’t follow them anymore like Velvet had been but he vaguely knew the location the two had mentioned. Arriving shortly after the two officers who as they pulled up right beside them quietly yelled “Don’t park right there they’ll see you. Leave. Now!” Velvet had stepped out of the car joined them, despite their reservations, hiding behind a parked car.

The two had a laptop and one of those long distance listening microphones she’d bought Shining Armour as a child. Though this one was likely a much higher grade. The two tried to shoo her off but but couldn’t, eventually just going with keeping her quiet and out of sight.

“They confirmed your daughter was the girl they saw. Backup is on the way and I’m trying to figure out if we need a warrant or have probable cause. N-no, get down!” Spitfire quietly yelled as Cadence and Shining came running over. OC still off finding a parking spot. “Take your mother and get out of here!” she tried commanding only to be met with a wave of panicked questions from all of them.

“Fartfire, it’s running.” Soarin’, with an apostrophe at the end instead of a ‘g’ said, sounding oddly familiar and using her nickname she preferred be keep secret. The two of them and also the three of them all looked at the screen. She could see them looking at the blue screen with red blobs on it and not knowing exactly what it was.

“Thermal imaging. That one there walking around is probably the perp. That one they’re walking over to on the couch that’s probably your girl. And that big red spot there is probably a fireplace that the perp is now throwing your girl into.”

“ARRRRGGGGHHHHH!!!!!” came from both inside and outside the house.

“And that’s probably cause.” Spitfire and Soarin’, with an apostrophe at the end instead of a ‘g’ rushed the building, guns drawn and kicked down the front door “Scum freezebag! I… I mean ‘freeze scumbag’. You can't write stuff like that. See, that's why sitcoms are dying.”

*gun shots*

Shining ran into the building. He was in the army, he wasn’t afraid of getting shot. He should be, but he wasn’t. Once he actually got shot next week he would be but not yet. Inside the building he saw on the ground Spitfire, who was reaching for another lot of firecrackers as the ones Twilight was holding started going off. Cadence and Velvet followed a few seconds after doing the absolute worst thing they could’ve done if this was a real firefight.

Velvet just ignored what she was seeing and ran past everyone, grabbing and hugging Twilight far too hard. “Mom… can’t… brea-” and at those words everything else she was seeing clicked in her head. “This… all… was fake?!” said yelled, crying hysterically.

Twilight whispered “Don't worry, I won’t tell them you where in on it. But you can drop the act a little.” she then said much louder to Cadence and her brother. “Gotcha! You bought it! Even after you figured it you still bought it!”

Shining, having certainly fallen for what her sister had planned, just stood there, a multitude of emotions running through his mind only managed to say “Is that… the girl who kidnapped Chrysalis?”

“Oh, yeah. I went to Chrysalis first for help but her aunt Matriarchrysalis said she’s off ‘whoring around ewe-rope’. Then I figured Chrysalis and Fluffle Puff where friends after their kidnapping so why not ask her for help.” Twilight answered, turning to Fluffle Puff who just blew a raspberry *pfft*

Shining, feeling a spectrum of emotions and having definitely fallen for the prank his sister had set for him looked to the cops holding firecrackers, the finger in the box that was still in his pocket and the wedding ring on Cadence’s hand. He only managed one word. “How…?”

Twilight smirked like th smug anime girl she was “Well…”

*oceans 11 music starts playing*

I told Mo-... no one.

“We know mom knew.”

Oh, well I told mom that I was going to fake my kidnapping. Then I went to Chrysalis and didn't find her like I said. Then I saw Fluffle Puff putting a heart shaped letter into her mailbox [which she was having trouble with because the mailbox was already completely full with heart shaped letters she’d been putting in there every day since Chrysy left] and then when you got home for the week I came here to her place and sent the letter. Then I played the waiting game.

The waiting game sucks, let’s play hungry hungry hippos!

And that’s it.

*music stops*

“That’s it?” all three asked.

“Yeah. Worked like a charm. Oh and that was a really nice touch getting the fake cops Fluffle Puff.” the girl said turning to the other girl. *pfft*

“Wait… SHE got fake cops. Does that mean that she also sent the second note? And the finger?!”

Fluffle Puff moved toward the middle of the group and prepared to explain.

*oceans 11 music starts playing except this time the rapid bongos are replaced by pfffffffffffft sounds*

But for the sake of voicing, just pretend Twilight is still talking.

So I took Chrysalis strategy from the lats prank and was willing to wait days in that bin outside the library. When you came on the first day I was disappointed I didn’t get to stay longer. It was quite comfortable in that big, snuggled in all those plastic bags. But then when you tried to reverse the prank,I knew I would have to come up with a new plan. Which by the way, I heard everything you said from right beside you in there and so I knew it was real. Which meant Cadence was guaranteed to tell her mother, Celestia.

All I had to do was contact Celestia and tell her about the plan. Because as we all know, Celestia is a huge troll. Originally all she was meant to do was to convince you to take it seriously but she took it a step further and called in a favour with Luna who called in a favour with Soarin’, with an apostrophe at the end instead of a ‘g’ to get himself and Spitfire, the Cantalot Highschool’s on-grounds police officers to assist. She would call them instead of the real emergency services line.

Spitfire would take the report and Soarin’, with an apostrophe at the end instead of a ‘g’ would go back to the car and on their radio’s closed circuit he would respond with the location

“When Spitfire muttered about Velvet being a bad mother I was worried you’d recognise his voice on the radio later. That’s why he never said a word in front of you.”

When we saw the car come past we knew it was time to start the show.

“And that’s when you through whatever it was into the fireplace?”

No, that was footage from the Simpsons. The episode where Moe becomes a father figure to Maggie. Maggie goes missing, they think it’s him who took her and they thermal image his house and he him put her in the over but it turns out to be a roast. Seriously, if you didn't figure it out there… you need to watch more classical TV. No, the show was just the firecracker.

*Pfffft’ing stops*

Cadence, Shining, Velvet, Twilight Spitfire and Soarin’, with an apostrophe at the end instead of a ‘g’ all stood stunned as Fluffle Puff finished her story. Spitfire spoke first. “Diiiiid anyone understand anything she just saids?”

“Not a bit…” answered Velvet. “But I have the odd urge to say season 14 of simpsons isn’t classic simpsons. Still Good though.”

“I’m here… what did I miss?” OC said, panting as he’d just run half a block from the only free parking space he could find.

*pfffting music*

Also OC was in on it

*pffting ends*

“I am going to kill my mother.” Cadence muttered aloud.

“How did you not recognise Spitfire and Soarin’, with an apostrophe at the end instead of a ‘g’?” Shining asked of his fiance.

“What? I didn’t go to Crystal Prep, not Cantalot High, remember? Mom said it was a conflict of interest being a student where she’s the principal.” Candyass answered. Then paused a moment before adding. “I’m going to kill Lulu too!”

“Wait… what about the finger?” Velvet grabbing Twilight be the hands and raising them to look at the perfectly intact digits. At that, Shining pulled the ring case out of his pocket. “How’d you get such a real looking finger?” she took it from him and opened the case in front of her daughter, picked it up and looked at it closely.

“Finger?” Twilight questioned, turning to Fluffle Puff. Then looking down at her recently and slightly reddened bandaged hand. She raised it in response as if to show off.

Velvet dropped the finger. “Oh my god!...” and backed away.

Twilight, appearing surprised by it, as is she didn’t even know, which she didn’t since technically no one understood Fluffle Puff [except Celestia apparently but i guess she’s used to dealing with ‘special’ children] and she was the real mastermind behind this prank, all she asked was. “You cut off your finger?” with a strong tone of confusion in her voice.

Fluffle Puff’s happy expression broke and as if it all came crashing down on her at once as she realised she should be in excruciating pain, let out a blood curdling scream.

Later

"If you ever do something like this again I will divorce myself from this entire family!” Cadence yelled at her parent(s). “And Twilight, Shining Armour... “ she used his full name which is universal for you’re in trouble. “If either of you pull a prank again we are finished!”

“Twili pulled the prank… why am I getting in trouble?!”

“EITHER!!! Of you…” Cadence screamed. “And I expect the same if I do.”

“I mean I only ever pranked you when you were planning to prank me…” Shining muttered to himself.

“Look at that, their first fight… in public.” Velvet cued and leant into her husband.

“Haha…” OC followed. “I’m going to be honest, these kids are pulling way more complex pranks than the one you pulled on me before we got married. Of course, we just called them practical jokes back then. You know, in 2000. But I suppose it did blow up in our faces almost just as much.”

“Hey, yeah…” Shining remembered. “How did you propose?”

“Uhhh… given what happened today, that’s a story for another year.”

“What? You even [passive aggressively] asked me to ask you. What a tease…”

Coming Next April Fools…
The Best Laid Out Plans 0: An April Fools Prequel… maybe!

1 week later

“Oh my go-argh!!” Shining groaned as he jumped out of bed only to hit the bunk above his in the barracks. “Did I ever tell Twili I proposed to Cadence? Oh well, I’ll just tell her next time I visit.”

And that’s when Twilight went away to college and their breaks never synced up again until 3 days before the wedding.

Author's Note

Well... this completely deviated from the original plan.
I may make The Best Laid Out Plans 3.5: An April Fools Rewrite [don't hold you breath] and if you wanna reads that, don't read the spoiler.
Neither the cops, Celestia or Luna where meant to be in it. The proposal wasn't either.
Original was meant to be a few days passed and Shining still wasnm't buying it. Velvet got more and more panicked and when the finger came [that part was intened] she flipped, called the cops who eventually foudn Twilight who was just confused as to why she thought it was real after she'd told her it wasn't and ultimately the prank was flipped onto her with Shining saying 'told you'.
As part of the no charges will be press, Twilight and all involve are legally barred from pulling a prank ever again.

The Best Laid Out Plans 0: An April Fools Prequel is more of a drama than a mystery so it won't [if it exists at all] have some BS sherlock style explanation at the end and just be a straight forward thing.

Set in like August or something but a day after a few days later

The two of them arrived at the library. Shining had gone with his mother to the bank this morning to get the money and cadence had gone with OC to Chrysalis’ house. Cadence wasn’t aware of what the plan was, only that Shining did have 5000 bits on him.

Cadence had had OC park on the opposite end of the street Chrysalis lived in and the two of them hoodied up and walked down to the address. They where both shocked at the house they’d arrived at. Large letters read ‘CONDEMNED’ across the door in red. Whether that was a joke or not was unclear as inside they saw an older lady, presumably Chrysalis’ mom watching TV while eating cereal directly off of the partition separators of her TV dinner, or in this case TV breakfast tray table.

They hadn’t gone inside, they had only looked through the window. Sneaking around back they peered through a window and found the exact spot where Twilight’s photo had been taken. The wall was recognisable from the cracked board third from the top. And if that wasn’t enough, there was a roll of duct tape still sitting on the table. They didn’t actually see Twilight there but this was confirmation that at the very least, they knew where she’d be. And where they knew where she’d be was…

“Here’s the spot.” Shining said as he stopped in front of the library recycling bin. He had a generic grey plastic bag and he looked genuinely nervous. Cadence, for her part, was trying to look like she wasn’t looking around while looking around trying to make it look like she was looking around. That made since in her head as someone trying to look for kidnappers instead of Twilight and Chrysalis. “Cadence… I’m worried.”

She put her hand on his shoulder. “There’s nothing to worry about, we’ll get her back.” she said, trying to sell the act. She leant in and kissed him as he raised the bag towards the bin. Wait… had Shining split them up this morning to turn the prank on her? That bastard! He would too. With that quick... suspicion at the very least, she was prepared for anything.

She wasn’t.

“That’s not what I’m worried about.” he said as he stopped the bag at about chest height, reach into it, pulled something that was clearly not 5000 bits out and threw the bag into the bin. “I’m worried you’ll say no.” and with that, he leant down on one knee. “Cadence… will you marry me?” and he opened the box with the ring he and Velvet had bought this morning.

Cadence was stunned. She blinked a few times. Deadpan flabbergasted. She looked around, looking for… anyone. She couldn’t see Twilight or Chrysalis, or even Velvet or OC who had stayed back at the car. It was just him. She turned back to him and in a low whisper with so much tone all her future students cringed in fear at that moment asked “Is this a prank?”

Shining smiled and shook his head and said aloud “No.” he then added in a much lower voice that could only be heard if Twilight or someone was hiding in the bin right next to them “Not on you at least. I’m going to say some stupid things in a moment… but this part, is 100% real.” and louder he said again. “I love you Cadence. Will you marry me?”

Cadence felt like she was catching on. The proposal was real. But the implication was the prank. “Did you spend your sister’s ransom on a ring… for me!?” the slightest hint of actual disgust registered on her voice. But it was far overwhelmed by joy.

“You once asked who I loved more. You or her. You have your answer.” he said, bringing back memories of how the first prank she and Twilight had pulled was started. This was borderline evil…

“Oh my goodness! Yes! Yes I do!” she fell down into him hugging and kissing him deeply. They parted after about ten seconds and Shining put the ring onto her finger. “Wow… you can really tell just by looking at it that it costs 5000 bits.” It didn’t. “I’m a luckiest girl in all Equestria! Who needs Twilight when I get this? And with the baby on the way, we can just replace her anyway. But let’s not call it Twilight if it’s a girl, alright?”

With that, Shining picked Cadence up and carried her out from the library ground. Cadence kicking and screaming happily all the way with yells of ‘We’re getting married!’ coming from both of them and random strangers congratulating them able to be heard by the very surprised person who’d been hiding in the bin the whole time. Her head raising up from it with a generic grey plastic bag sitting on top of it.

Elsewhere

“Full disclosure: I still haven't and never will answer which of you two I love more and the ring cost more like 500 bits. Mom stopped me from spending the full 5000 when she I told her my plan. So blame her.”