Twelve Years a Cat

by UV Unicorn Laser

Rating: teen
Tags: Spike, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Sex, Twilight Velvet, My Little Pony: The Movie, Slice of Life, Night Light, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2960

Starlight Glimmer has one goal. To save Twilight's parents from financial ruin.

When Starlight Glimmer receives a letter from Twilight's parents asking for help, she takes it upon herself to step up. Armed with a pet store, Spike, and two tickets to a spa resort, Starlight sets out to save the day. By any means necessary.

Published 2019-04-01 04:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-04-01 04:10:01 UTC

In which Starlight takes over a pet store

On most days, Twilight’s castle was a bustle of activity. Sometimes a meeting, other times a party. Occasionally—and by this we mean at least weekly— there was a friendship problem to solve. Friendship problems meant that Twilight’s assistants, Starlight Glimmer and Spike, had the day off.

Today found the duo lounging in one of the castle’s innumerable sitting rooms. Starlight Glimmer was sprawled on a plush recliner chair, idly paging through some dissertation on foreign cultures, whereas Spike was buried in yet another of his comics. A typical day off for them, really.

“Spike, I’m bored.”

“Mhm.”

Starlight sighed and slumped down in her chair, book dropping on her face. Spike was to be no help at all, it seemed.

“Burrrp!”

Or not! A glittering swirl of dragon fire settled above them, a square letter appearing with a pop moments later.

Catching it in his claws, Spike frowned. “Huh. This isn’t from the Princess.” He squinted at the return address and postage, then sighed. Only one pony he knew sent mail by dragon fire with postage paid. “It’s from Twilight’s mom!”

Starlight’s curiosity piqued, she tossed her book to the side and moved to sit beside Spike. “What’s it say?”

“It’s addressed to Twilight. I don’t know if we should open it.”

Starlight put on a winning smile, “Oh come on, Spike! This could be super important! Twilight will understand, I’m sure.”

“Fine,” Spike sighed. With a clawtip, he carefully opened the letter and began reading aloud.

My dearest Twilight.

I hope you are doing well. I read your letter about your last adventure, and frankly I’m rather worried about you and your friends. I don’t know what an umbrum is, or why it had a friendship problem, but please be careful!

Anyway, I’m sending this letter because once again, your father has messed up everything. He went and invested our entire retirement fund into some pet store in Baltimare. Baltimare! We don’t even live there! He’s adamant it’s going to be the solution to all our money problems, again, and that everything will be fine. Except we got a letter from the shop today, telling us that if they couldn’t boost sales by the end of the month, they would be closing it down. All those bits, gone.

I’m sorry to ask for something so big, but is there a chance you could do something princessy for us? Maybe a bailout, or a government subsidy? Perhaps that quiet friend of yours, Fluttershy, could help? She likes pets, right? I’m willing to put up with the nepotism if it means we can retire in peace.

Please get back to us as soon as possible,

Love, Twilight Velvet.

P.S. Your father sends his love from the time-out corner.

Starlight coughed. “Well that can’t be good. Is this, uh, a regular problem for them?”

“You have no idea.” Spike sighed. “What are we supposed to do? This is urgent! But Twilight and the gang are all busy with their latest disaster!”

“Hmm,” Starlight mused. “Maybe… Maybe we can help instead!” She grinned wide with budding excitement as she looked down at Spike. “We can prove to Twilight that she can trust me with important friendship things, and help her parents out all in one go!”

Not bothering to wait for an answer, Starlight grabbed Spike in her magic and cantered for the door, the baby dragon’s sigh echoing through the halls.

----------------------------------------------*~~*------------------------------------------------

The shop was smaller than she had expected, plain letters across the top announcing it as the “Sunny Bay Pet Store.” Still, Starlight had seen worse. Donning a winning —and totally not manic— smile, she pushed open the door and stepped inside, a faint jingling coming from somewhere above.

A mare’s tired voice called out, “Welcome to Sunny Bay Pe — Starlight? Whatever are you doing here?”

Tracing the voice to the rear of the shop, Starlight spotted a familiar face behind the counter.

“Mrs. Velvet! I came as soon as we got your letter!” Starlight exclaimed, trotting up to her.

“B-but I sent that to Twilight!”

Starlight waved a hoof dismissively. “She’s off on official Friendship Business again, Spike and I were the only ones home. But don’t you worry! We can handle this, no sweat!”

Sweating profusely, Mrs. Velvet nodded slowly. “I-if you say so, Starlight.”

Beaming, Starlight clapped her hooves together and lit her horn, placing a pair of tickets on the counter between them. “Good, good! Now that that’s settled, here’s a couple overnight passes to the premiere spa in Baltimare, the For Horses, By Horses Spa and Resort!”

Mrs. Velvet’s eyes went wide. “Wh-what? How did you even afford that?”

Eyes gleaming with mischief, Starlight resumed her dismissive hoof waving. “Don’t you worry about that. Now go, the both of you, and don’t you worry about a thing. By the time you get back, this place will be rolling in bits!”

Giving an apprehensive smile, Mrs. Velvet nodded silently and ducked into the back room. Murmured conversation filtered out, and moments later she returned with a wide smile, followed by a similarly smiling Mr. Nightlight. They said not a word as they trotted out the door, breaking into a gallop as soon as they had crossed the threshold.

Starlight nodded in satisfaction, finally turning her full attention to the shop she planned to save. As far as pet stores went, it was uninspired. Pedestrian, even. She idly browsed the aisles, Spike having wandered off at some point, musing over the predicament. The problem, Starlight surmised, was that pet stores all sold the same thing. So why would anypony care to visit this little unknown store, she wondered?

“Hmm,” Starlight hummed aloud. “Maybe if we sold something new… but what would it be?”

Starlight paused in the book aisle, frowning in thought. Out of the corner of her eye, she spotted a book on exotic cat breeds. An idea sparked, and she hastily grabbed the book in her magic, cantering off in search of her scaly companion.

“Spike? Spike! Spi~iike! I have an idea!”

----------------------------------------------*~~*-----------------------------------------------

Twilight Velvet took a deep, bracing breath, and pushed open the door to their pet shop. A jovial tinkling rang out above her, and she stepped in from the sunny Baltimare street, Nightlight following cautiously behind her. Twilight Velvet blinked a few times to clear her eyes, then blinked several more.

The shop interior was nearly unrecognizable, the aisles and cages having all been removed or tucked against the walls, leaving a spacious area in the center. And it was full of cats. No, not quite. Lounging about the place were a bunch of cat people? Cat beings?

Standing on two feet, the cats were taller than a pony, with bright, intelligent eyes. They wore various fanciful outfits tailored to their fur, and were all happily chatting with each other or tossing balls of yarn about. One was busy licking a bowl clean, his nearby companions snickering quietly.

Starlight’s face peeked out from the back room, and she hissed quietly, “Hey! Places everyone, we have a customer!” Donning a bright smile, she stepped up to the counter and gave a cheery welcome, as if she’d said nothing else.

“Welcome to the Sunny Bay Pet Store, the finest purrveyor of exotic cat breeds! How may I help y— Oh, Mrs. Velvet, Mr. Nightlight! Welcome back, how was your spa visit? Ooh, you’re going to be so excited, I solved everything!”

Twilight Velvet didn’t immediately respond, still staring at the “exotic cats.” She shook her head, then bit her lip, finally looking to Starlight. “Um...” she started, then paused.

Starlight giggled into a hoof and stepped out from around the counter, Spike in tow, and trotted over to the mare. “I told you I had everything under control, didn’t I?” Taking a deep breath, she continued, not giving Twilight Velvet a chance to respond.

“I figured, pet stores, they all sell the same thing, right? So what if, and this was a stroke of genius if I do say so myself, instead of the usual things, we sell something new and exciting? And so I saw this book on exotic cat breeds, and remembered a book I was reading yesterday on foreign cultures, and said to myself ‘Hey! Those Abyssinians are cats, right? They’re super exotic ones, too!’ So I grabbed Spike and we went down to find some, and talked about with them, and we all decided this was a great idea! It didn’t take long to set up the new store, and we already sold like, six of them! Isn’t that just great?”

Twilight Velvet turned her wide eyed stare on Starlight, processing all of this. She frowned, then bit her lip, the frowned even harder, sparing a glance for the Abyssinians who were trying their hardest to not look like they were eavesdropping. On a conversation in the middle of the store.

“Umm... Starlight...” She began, voice unsure. “These… Abyssinians, was it? They’re people, right? Isn’t this...” Twilight Velvet trailed off, frown deepening. “These are people, not pets! Isn’t this wrong?”

Starlight blinked twice. “Of course not! I already told you, they agreed to everything!”

Twilight Velvet buried her face in a hoof. “Starlight, dear. We appreciate the help, really. But this is just… wrong. You can’t sell people! That’s illegal!”

Laughing airily, Starlight gestured towards the Abyssinians. “No, no, they love this! Free room and board, no work to do, and all the treats they could ever want!”

“I.. But. Guh-” Twilight Velvet spluttered, looking to Nightlight for help.

With a sigh, Nightlight stepped up and cleared his throat. “Starlight, you know this is slavery, right?”

Starlight gave him a deadpan stare. “Well duh. Of course I know it’s slavery. I know this because hypnoslaves, remember? Making pony slaves is wrong, I get that. But this time, it’s okay, because they’re cats! Right, Mr. Tiddlesworth?”

One of the calico Abyssinians, presumably Mr. Tiddlesworth, started and sat upright. In a smooth, cultured voice, he replied, “Mmm, oh yes. This right here is purrfect. I mean, a cat’s gotta eat, and to eat, a cat’s gotta work, right? But then this here Starlight, cool cat that she is, came up and told us ‘Hey, I got a job for you! Just wear this cute jacket and meow at the ponies, and you’ll be happy and fed for no work at all!’ How could we say no?”

Starlight glared at him.

“Uh, what I mean is, meow?”

Starlight smiled. “You see, Mr. and Mrs. Velvet? Nothing to worry about. Everyone wins, everyone’s happy. We’re making a fortune, too! First one sold before we were even properly open to business, to that jelly maker that lives in Ponyville. Not sure how he knew, but whatever!”

Nightlight sighed, echoing his wife with a hoof to the face. “Starlight. Please. Slavery is wrong, you know this. Our daughter talked to you about this! These Abyssinians, they can talk. If you keep a thing in your house and force it to keep you company and work for you against its will, and they can’t talk, it’s a pet. But if they can talk, and think, it’s slavery.”

The three ponies paused, looking at Spike.

“Does he-”

“He’s kind of like a parrot, I’d say he doesn’t count.”

“I’m not a parrot,” Spike grouched, polishing his chest with a claw. “Besides, they said they were cool with it.”

Twilight Velvet opened her mouth to reply, but was cut off by the bell jingling.

A pale green mare stepped in, eyes blinking to adjust to the dim light. “Excuse me, is this the place that sells the Abyssinians? I need twenty males, for breeding purposes.”

“Oh, do you have a female already?” Starlight asked, preemptively cutting Twilight Velvet off.

“Please, let’s not complicate this with questions of who owns what, yeah?” The mare stated bluntly. Her horn lit, and a large sack of bits floated up to the counter, landing with a heavy clink of gold bits.

Eyeing the bag critically, Starlight nodded. “Give us three days. Thank you for doing business with the Sunny Bay Pet Store!”

The mare merely nodded, departing as swiftly as she came. Twilight Velvet stared at the bag of bits, biting her lip.

“That’s a lot of money.”

“Yep!”

“And you’re sure you’re okay with this, Mr. Tiddlesworth?”

“Mmm, yes.”

Twilight Velvet let out a weary sigh and leaned against Nightlight. “Honey, we’re probably going to Tartarus for this. But at least we’ll be able to retire, right?” Getting a reassuring smile in response, she looked to Starlight and nodded resolutely. “Okay, give us the rundown.”

----------------------------------------------*~~*-----------------------------------------------

“So, this column here is our expenses per cat, with a breakdown here for housing, food, adorable outfits, and work visa paperwork. What the government doesn’t know won’t hurt them. And in this column, we have—”

The bell jangled once more, drawing Starlight’s, Nightlight’s, and Twilight Velvet’s attention from the finances book they were poring over.

A mare in a conspicuously large trench coat, hat, and mustache glasses tentatively stepped into the shop. She stopped on the threshold, staring in shock at Starlight, Twilight Velvet, and Nightlight. Nervously, she started to back out, freezing mid-step as Starlight’s magic encased her.

“Whoa there! Don’t be so shy, come in, come in! How can we help you here today at the Sunny Bay Pet Store?” Starlight chirped, tugging the disguised mare into the shop against her will.

“Wha—” A muffled voice filtered through the mustache. “L-let me go!”

“Relax, my fine friend! I’m guessing you’re here for an Abyssinian, correct? Don’t worry, there’s absolutely nothing wrong with wanting one! So, what color would you like? We have Tabbies, Tuxedos, Calico, and even a Siamese!” Starlight gestured to each as she rattled on. “If you don’t find what you’re looking for, I’ve got a catalogue you can peruse as well,” she said, pointing to what appeared to be a swimsuit calendar.

Looking positively overwhelmed, the trenchcoated mare stared in disbelief at Starlight. “I, uh..” she started, then trailed off. Clearing her throat, she continued in a very small voice, “I want a Calico, please.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t quite catch that.”

“A c-calico, please.”

“One more time?”

“Ugh! Starlight, I want a Calico!” The mare huffed angrily and stomped a hoof, the sudden motion knocking the cheap glasses from her face. She froze, eyes wide and fearful as Starlight paused.

“Wait a second, how do you know my n—” Starlight cut off abruptly as she turned to look at the mystery mare. Staring back at her was none other than Twilight Sparkle. She opened her mouth to ask a question, only to be cut off by Twilight Velvet.

“Twilight?! Wha... what are you doing here?!” She blurted, looking nearly ready to faint at the revelation.

Wincing, Twilight put her forehooves up defensively. “I-it’s not what it looks like! I was… uh,” she trailed off, thinking quickly. “I was getting a friend for Spike! He gets lonely sometimes, yeah! T-that’s it! Ha, haha… ha.”

“I knew it, Spike is a pet!” Nightlight interjected, seemingly not at all bothered to see his daughter there.

“I am not!” Spike called out from the side of the shop. Twilight Sparkle turned to see Spike lounging on a heating rock. Under a heat lamp. Next to a rather disgruntled iguana.

“Riiight,” Nightlight replied, turning back to his daughter. “So, Sparky, now that you’re here, maybe you can settle this for us once and for all. Is this, or is this not, considered slavery? Please take into consideration that the Abyssinians are, and I quote, totally cool with it.”

“He’s right,” Mr. Tiddlesworth purred happily and winked at Twilight Sparkle. “We are totally cool with it.” Grinning, he sprawled back against his cushion. “I mean, me~ow.”

Starlight smiled once more in satisfaction.

Twilight didn’t respond at first, having gone very red in the face. “Uh. Right. So… yeah. Sure, I’m uh, cool with it.” She mumbled, stumbling a bit over her words. She opened and closed her mouth several times, eyes darting as she deliberated. “Um, Starlight?” She finally asked. “May I please speak with you privately?” Without waiting for a reply, Twilight’s magic grabbed and walked primly into the back room, dragging a snickering Starlight with her.

With them gone, the shop grew quiet. Twilight Velvet and Nightlight resumed looking over the finance books, muttering to themselves. Mr. Tiddlesworth returned to his job, lounging with professional perfection in his adorable little jacket. And Spike had fallen asleep at some point, now hugging the iguana close like a stuffed toy.

Some time later, a still red Twilight Sparkle hurried from the shop, murmuring a goodbye to her parents and Spike. Starlight sauntered out a moment later, smiling wide, and sauntered up to the counter. “Excuse me, Mr. and Mrs. Velvet? I’m going to go ahead and take Spike home, if that’s alright with you. He worked very hard to help me set this all up. I wrote detailed instructions on how to run everything, and which city inspectors to bribe. It’s in the budget, don’t worry.”

They looked to each other and nodded. “Thank you, Starlight.” Nightlight said, softly. “We’re in your debt. Even if this is… morally questionable.”

“You’re very welcome.” Smiling in satisfaction, Starlight scooped Spike up in her magic and started for the door. Halfway there, she paused.

“Oh, and Mr. Tiddlesworth? You’re coming home with us.”

Author's Note

Credit goes to King of Beggars and Aragon for assistance pitching and smoothing out the plot.
Credit also goes to my wife (may she rest in peace) and Bok for editing assistance. But mostly my wife (may she rest in peace).