All Our Things Are Horse Things!!

by MythrilMoth

Rating: teen
Tags: Adventure, Equestria Girls, Flash Sentry, Main 7 (EqG), Trixie, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other
Length: 2267

The shipwrecked passengers of the luxury yacht follow Sunset Shimmer and friends on an epic journey to take a shortcut home.

The yacht's wrecked. Spring Break is ruined. The cruise patrons are stranded on a deserted jungle island. And the crew of the yacht just...left them...somehow.

Sure, there'll probably be a boat, or rescue planes, or something, but why wait for all that when there's a perfectly good portal in the middle of the dark, spooky jungle that leads to a shortcut home?

Well, that and a long hike through another dark spooky forest. And a complete change of species.

The story of how the Canterlot High gang got home after the yacht sank.

Published 2019-04-09 02:20:02 UTC
Last updated 2019-04-09 02:20:02 UTC

Because Really, Why Wait For A Rescue Boat?

A crowd of high school students and shipwrecked cruise passengers walked in a thick knot through the dense foliage of a dark, damp jungle.

"The Great and Powerful Trixie demands to know why Sunset Shimmer and her friends are making us all walk deep into this dark, creepy jungle full of who knows what horribly dangerous animals!"

"I'm kinda with Trixie on this one," Flash Sentry said, looking around nervously. "I mean, I trust you girls and all, but this place kinda has horrible, painful death written all over it."

"I just saw a big hairy spider," Bulk Biceps said, hugging himself tightly and shivering. "I'm scared of big hairy spiders!"

"I mean, we could have waited for the rescue planes!" Trixie continued to complain. "Or a boat, or...or however the crew got off this island!"

There was a pause. The entire group stopped moving.

"How did the crew get off the island?" Applejack asked, scratching her chin. "Ah don't rightly recollect them radioin' fer help or nothin', do y'all?"

"Nope," Pinkie said. "I didn't hear any planes or helicopters or anything either." She blinked. "Weird."

"I thought they just took a lifeboat back to the ship to wait for the Coast Guard," Twilight Sparkle said with a mild frown.

"Which isn't an option for us because there's way too many of us and we barely made it here in one piece," Sunset Shimmer said from the head of the group, pushing her way through thick leaves and low branches.

"All the more reason we should be waiting on the beach for a rescue!" Trixie pointed out with a dramatic throw of her hand. "Not...not traipsing through the jungle like...like characters from some shipwreck movie!" She frowned. "And what are you doing with that stupid-looking stick? Are you trying to set yourself up as a rival to the magic of Trixie?"

Sunset frowned as she planted the butt of the Staff of Sacanas in the loamy ground and glanced back at Trixie. "It's something we had to borrow to save all your lives," she said. "And I was going to return it once we got back to Canterlot. It's just..." She bit her lip. "I guess I'll be returning it on the way back instead."

"Which, again," Trixie insisted, "this jungle is the exact opposite of the way back!"

"She's right," a woman in the group said, holding her frightened daughter protectively close. "The sensible thing to do would be to wait for the Coast Guard to send rescue ships."

"But that could take days," Twilight said. "Trust us, and we'll all be back in Canterlot City in a few hours!"

"Hours?" someone murmured. The word was bandied about in hushed conversations through the group, while they pressed on into the darkest part of the jungle.

"Is this more of that crazy magic stuff that follows you girls around?" Bon Bon asked. "Don't tell me you've found some kind of warp tunnel or something that leads back to Canterlot!"

"Something like that," Sunset said. "It's a bit more complicated. But it's totally safe! Just...well..." She bit the inside of her cheek.

Rainbow Dash favored the entire group with an enthused grin. "Trust me, it'll knock your socks off! It's totally gonna rock, and we'll all be back home in no time!"

The others looked around at each other. "Well," Flash Sentry said, "these girls have saved all our lives several times over by now. I say we go with it, whatever it is."

Once the assorted passengers had finally assented (with Trixie still casting doubtful aspersions but following along anyway), the Rainbooms clustered together around the three girls who were actually leading the party. "So, uhh...whut are we doin' exactly?" Applejack whispered.

"I'm trying to keep up a brave face, but this jungle is very scary, even if some of the animals are more friendly-sounding than they look," Fluttershy added.

Sunset glanced back over the entire group, then leaned in close. "There's a portal here," she said. "We're going to Equestria."

Applejack, Fluttershy, Rarity, and Pinkie Pie gasped. "Equestria?!" Rarity whisper-shrieked. "As in Equestria Equestria?"

"Yes," Sunset whispered back harshly. "It comes out on the other side in the Everfree Forest, and from there it's only a couple of hours' trot to Twilight's castle and the other portal."

"And then we'll all pop out at CHS!" Pinkie said, eyes wide. "It's perfect!"

"Yeah, except for the one little hitch that's probably gonna freak at least half our little group out," Twilight said.

"What hitch is that?" Rarity asked cautiously.

"We're all gonna turn into ponies," Rainbow Dash said.

"Actually, I was referring to the giant man-eating plant monster we'll have to fight off to get to the portal," Twilight said, adjusting her glasses. "But yes, the equine transformation thing is probably going to cause a panic."

Fluttershy froze. "G-giant p-p-plant monster?!" she cried.

Sunset grimaced. "Yeah, apparently it germinated across the portal and grew right on top of it," she said. "But we didn't see any more like it on the other side, so if we can just get past the one, we should be okay."

"What is it with Equestria an' giant plant monsters?!" Applejack grumbled in exasperation.

"Honestly? They pretty much only exist in one or two places in all of Equestria," Sunset said. "It's just that portals keep popping open in that one specific place."

"It...kind of makes sense if you think about it," Twilight said thoughtfully. "I mean, if these portals aren't natural phenomena, it stands to reason you'd open them in places where they're difficult to find and have their own natural defenses to keep people out. And if they are natural phenomena, then the magic they're leaking into the surroundings are causing strange anomalies."

"Well, any portal that's sitting open in the Everfree Forest is bad news no matter how it got there," Sunset said. "We're just lucky the portal opens onto this deserted island miles away from civilization. The Everfree Forest is, well..." She grimaced. "Not someplace you want to go camping."

"It didn't seem that bad on the way to Ponyville," Rainbow said. "Just kinda, y'know, dark and spooky."

"And if we're lucky, it'll stay that way," Sunset said.

Flash Sentry suddenly materialized at Sunset's elbow. "You girls sure are doing a lot of secret whispering up here," he said. "It's starting to make the rest of the group a little nervous. Not me, of course, I totally trust you, but you know how it is with, well..." He rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly.

Sunset smirked. "Uh-huh," she said, casting a significant glance at Twilight, who smirked back.

"It's just, well..." Flash stuffed his hands in his pockets. "I coulda sworn I overheard you say something about Equestria and my—the other Twilight?"

"Pretty easy to overhear stuff like that if'n yer snoopin' 'round like a dog suckin' after an egg," Applejack said with a teasing grin.

Flash flinched as if struck. "Sorry," he said. "I just—yeah..." He started to drop back, but Sunset rolled her eyes and snagged his elbow, pulling him forward.

"We're just teasing," she said. "Yeah, there's a portal here, and we're gonna use it as a shortcut home."

"Cool," Flash said. He coughed. "S-so, umm...we'll probably see—"

"Aren't you over her?" Sunset asked with a frown. "I told you you're better off—"

"Yeah, I am," Flash said, nodding rapidly. "I just, well...I just wanna see her one last time, y'know? I mean, I never really got to say goodbye to her."

Sunset's face softened. "She'll be happy to see you, I'm sure," she said.

Trixie marched her way up to the group at the front. "There is entirely too much secret whispering up here!" she said imperiously. "As your Greatest and Most Powerful FRIEND, Sunset Shimmer, I demand you not keep me in the dark!"

Sunset rolled her eyes. "Is the entire cruise going to come up to us one at a time and ask for the whole story?" she wondered.

"Looks like it," Pinkie said, popping a handful of candies into her mouth.

"Well we don't have time for that," Sunset said. "So I'm sorry, Trixie, but you'll just have to wait until we're ready to tell everybody at once."

Trixie sniffed haughtily. "I see," she said, turning up her nose. She frowned suddenly, then, squinting at something above their heads. "Am I seeing things, or are those vines...moving?"

Rainbow Dash looked up and grimaced. "Oh crap, it's spotted us," she said.

"How?" Twilight cried. "We're nowhere near the portal yet!"

"Calm down," Sunset said. "Those are ordinary creeper vines, there's nothing magical about them." She squared her shoulders and pressed on.

The column of castaways grew considerably more agitated and nervous as they plunged deeper into the jungle. Tropical birds warbled and croaked, tropical insects buzzed and bit, and the various small mammals hiding away high in the treetops peeked curiously between lush foliage, their shining eyes twinkling like dark diamonds in a green sky. Rainbow Dash took the lead, peering dramatically around every leaf, shrub, and vine that blocked their path. After almost forty straight minutes of walking, she held out a hand to stop the group. "We're here," she called out. She looked up at something out of view of the party, then looked at Sunset. "What's the plan?"

Sunset pursed her lips. "Twilight, Rarity, keep the plant monster busy with your magic," she said. "Rainbow Dash and I will get everyone into the portal one at a time. Applejack, help whichever of us needs help. Pinkie, back up Rarity and Twilight. Fluttershy...you go through the portal first, something tells me you'll be more useful to us on the other side."

"Right," Fluttershy said hesitantly.

"I'll go behind her," Flash said. "So she won't be alone over there."

"Thank you," Fluttershy said.

Rarity peered around the tree Rainbow Dash was hiding behind, and her face went slack. "Oh my," she said. "This brings back some rather unpleasant memories."

"Suck it up, you've got this," Sunset said. She cleared her throat, then raised her voice to address the group. "May I have your attention please! We're about to usher everybody through a portal that's disguised as a quicksand pit. It's being guarded by a...well...nevermind what's guarding it, because we'll be keeping it busy while we sneak you all through the portal. Once you get to the other side, line up in as orderly a fashion as you can manage, stay together, and please try not to freak out. Well...much."

A great deal of very confused, uneasy murmuring met Sunset's words.

"What do you mean by 'portal'?" the woman with the young daughter asked skeptically.

Sunset braced herself. "We mean there's a magic portal here," she said. "It goes...somewhere else. And from there, we'll use a different portal to go straight back to Canterlot."

"Umm, Sunset, darling?" Rarity called nervously. "It would seem the, ahem, protector of this portal knows we're here. It's becoming...rather agitated."

"Right," Sunset said. "Everybody get ready! Line up right here and be ready to RUN!"

The group lined up where indicated, shuffling into a more-or-less agreed-upon order behind Fluttershy and Flash Sentry, with Trixie right behind Flash. The Rainbooms gathered into two groups, with Applejack hanging back near the tree line and Fluttershy stepping hesitantly between Rainbow and Sunset. As soon as she laid eyes on the quicksand pit and the giant plant monster, she let out a muted scream. "Oh my goodness," she whimpered.

Vines snaked toward the girls as three giant, carnivorous heads descended from above, sappy jaws snapping. "Wow, this thing grew more heads since we came back!" Rainbow said.

"We can deal with it," Sunset said. "Rarity, go!"

Rarity extended her hands and constructed three large diamond shields, sending them flying up to block the leafy green heads. The plant monster immediately shot several vines toward her; Twilight seized the vines in her magic and wrestled them back. "First group, go!" she called out.

Sunset and Rainbow grabbed Fluttershy and ran with her to the quicksand. Flash Sentry kept pace behind them. "Oh my goodness oh my goodness oh my goodness," Fluttershy whimpered as Sunset pushed her down into the quicksand. A huge flash of golden light lit up the clearing.

"First one through!" Rainbow called.

Flash looked up at the plant monster, then down at the quicksand. Swallowing, he jumped straight in...

* * * * *

Light—far too much light—gave way to pitch blackness. Spots blinked and flashed in Flash's eyes as he tumbled to a stop on rocky, gritty ground. "Oof," he muttered, blinking owlishly, trying to gain some semblance of vision.

"Who's there?" Fluttershy's voice whisper-shrieked in panic.

"It's me, Flash," Flash answered. "Fluttershy? Where—"

"Over here," Fluttershy whispered. "Trying to...find some light..."

Trixie bounced out of the portal next with a loud wail, smashing into Flash and knocking him to the ground. "Trixie wasn't ready!" she complained loudly.

"This way," Fluttershy called out quietly. "There's an opening—"

Flash tried to stand up, but found it hard to get his feet under him. Somehow, it seemed easier to crawl on all fours, so he did so, with Trixie trailing behind him, complaining all the way.

After a few minutes, the three teens found themselves in a dappled clearing with blue-green grass and low-hanging canopies of leaves. A small, rippling pond of clear water stood off to one side. The little group stumbled over to the pond and leaned over it.

Three small, brightly colored ponies stared back at them.