Twilight Sparkle grumbled as she made her way down the streets of Ponyville, very much on edge.
It was April Fools’ Day. A date she had never really cared for, but had never been strongly against either. At least, she didn’t until last year. Now, she had a reason to dread this so called celebration. And that reason was named Discord. Twilight wished she knew who had informed the Spirit of Chaos about this holiday. She had a forty page lecture already written.
And after what happened last year, Twilight was not going to let Discord do as he pleased today.
She quickly scanned her surroundings, trying to figure out what the prankster was up to. Sure enough, it didn’t take long to find Discord in the middle of town, putting some great scheme together. No doubt he was exaggerating the amount of construction he was doing, but the large dust cloud of rapid building did little to ease Twilight’s concerns.
“Ah, good morning, Twilight. How are you on this most glorious of days?” asked Discord, head poking out of the cloud.
Twilight just gave him an angry glare.
“Still sore about last year, are we? Well, let me assure you there will be no repeat of the mutant popsicles. I have not forgotten the long, long rant you shoved down my throat after that incident. As such, I decided to go with something far more subtle this year,” said Discord.
Twilight had to scoff at that.
“Do you even know the definition of the word subtle, Discord?” asked Twilight.
“My dear Sparkle Butt, just because it’s not my preferred method doesn’t mean I can’t utilize it once in a while. And I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised by what I’ve cooked up,” said Discord.
A moment later, the dust cloud faded to nothing, realing Discord’s big plan: a small wooden pillar with a large red button on top of it.
“And for the final touch,” said Discord.
He then put a sign down next to the button that read: Do not push.
“There we go. Now to sit back and enjoy it,” said Discord.
Then, with a snap of his claws, he vanished.
Twilight looked at the button with concern, before quickly realizing what his plan was. She let out a sigh.
“Let me guess, pushing the button will cause some sort of chaos to whoever pushes it. Because it says not to push it, whoever ignores the warning and pushes it anyway will have nopony but themselves to blame. That way, in the event that something goes wrong, again, you can avoid getting in trouble this time,” said Twilight.
Discord didn’t appear and respond. It was rather obvious, after all. Twilight rolled her eyes.
“Well, that’s just great. But as long as it’s nothing too dramatic I suppose I can let it go. Celestia knows asking you to do nothing on April Fools’ Day would be futile. But I for one will play no part in this. I’m going to go about my business and not push that button,” declared Twilight.
And so she turned and started to walk away. Because indeed, there was no way she was going to push that button. Sure, it was large, red, and very tempting, but Twilight knew better. Besides, it was obvious what it would do if she did push it. She’d get zapped with some weird pun-based condition that would wear off at the end of the day.
It’d probably be something about her cutie mark, judging from the Sparkle Butt comment. Perhaps it’d make her flanks literally sparkle. Or maybe change her mark into something inappropriate. Unless Discord just said that to throw her off and…
Twilight paused to look back at the button. The big, red button that just begged somepony to push it. Something about the “do no push” sign only made it more tempting.
“No. I’m above this. I am not going to let my curiosity compel me to deliberately expose myself to chaos magic,” said Twilight.
And yet, she couldn’t turn away, or shut out the possibilities running through her head.
Maybe it would make her unicorn again. Or maybe it’d turn her coat blue. Or maybe it’d give her extra legs, or another horn, or…
With a growl, Twilight forced herself to turn and walk away. That was how she was going to beat this. She just had to keep walking and not think about the button. Nope. She wasn’t going to do this. She wasn’t going to push it. She wasn’t going to wonder if it would give her the ability to see ultraviolet light or…
Twilight paused and turned back once again.
...
“No,” said Twilight.
...
“No!” said Twilight.
…
“No, no no!” said Twilight.
Twilight's legs started shaking. She was loosing her bucking mind. She was being utterly dominated by the all consuming urge to know what that button did. Her curiosity demanded to be satisfied. That big, red button was just begging her to reach out and…
Wait.
Twilight blinked. She realized she was standing right in front of the button, hoof raised and about to press it.
No. She wasn’t going to do it. She wasn’t going to push it. She wasn’t...
…
She pushed the button.
*Click*
And then Twilight’s flanks started to sparkle.
Twilight let out a moan.
“I knew it. I knew this would happen, but I still pushed it. Am I really this hopeless?” she groaned.
Cursing under her breath, she turned and walked away, her backside still sparkling like mad.
Yet she couldn’t help but feel satisfied for some reason.
Applejack whistled a simple tune as she made her way downtown, but it was a ruse to hide that she was on guard. She enjoyed April Fool’s day, but it meant Rainbow would have it out for her, and she’d end up spending most of the day pranking and counter-pranking. Not that this was a bad thing. Any excuse to knock Rainbow down a few pegs was a good excuse.
But while she kept her eyes peeled for Rainbow, she quickly saw the button: the big red button with a do not push sign next to it.
Applejack stopped to look at it, then glanced around.
“This is some kind of prank, isn’t it?” asked Applejack.
Some of the ponies walking pass gave nods or grunts of agreement. Applejack let out a sigh.
“Alright, so the question is, do Ah want to bother?” Applejack asked herself.
Well, on the one hoof the button was mighty tempting. She had to admit, whoever had set it up really knew how to make a real good attention-drawing button. And it wouldn’t be in the spirit of the holiday to just shut down someone’s prank. But on the other hoof, this smelled of Discord, and after last year…
“Hey, Applejack, what’s up?” said Rainbow Dash as she zoomed down from the sky.
After waiting a second to make sure Rainbow wasn’t about to throw a pie or something at her, Applejack pointed at the button.
“Oh. Let me guess, Discord?” asked Rainbow Dash.
“Ah reckon so,” said Applejack.
The two just stood there for a moment.
“Five bits says you’re too scared to push it,” said Rainbow Dash.
Applejack responded with a glare.
“Oh no, we are not turnin’ a Discord prank into another contest. Ah do not want to end up a giant banana again,” countered Applejack.
“All right, then I guess that means I’m the more daring pony,” said Rainbow with a smirk.
Applejack let out an angry snort.
“Ya know what, fine. Ah’ll push it, but only you have the guts to push it too, even if Ah end up in a frilly dress or somethin’ just as embarrassin’. And if ya don’t, not only is it official that Ah’m the more daring pony, ya have to do that again,” said Applejack.
Rainbow Dash winced. She really, really didn’t want to have to do that again. But her ego demanded that she not back down. Besides, whatever the button did, it couldn’t possibly be worse than that, right?
“Alright, fine. You’re on,” said Rainbow Dash.
With a look of determination, Applejack stepped up to the button. She took a deep breath, then reached a hoof out and pushed it.
*Click*
And then Applejack was a stallion. A stallion in a tuxedo, at that.
“What in the…” gasped Applejack as he looked down at himself.
Rainbow Dash just started laughing.
“Well, at least it’s not a banana again. And Ah guess Ah can see the joke here. Celestia knows Ah ain’t much for bein’ pretty. But still, really? This was the best ya could come up with, Discord?” asked Applejack.
Discord failed to appear and taunt them. Applejack let out a sigh and waited for Rainbow Dash to stop laughing.
“Alright, Ah pushed it. Your turn,” said Applejack.
“Sure thing. I mean, look at you. If I didn’t know you’re actually a mare, I’d say you’re one sweet piece of eye candy. Might be nice to try being a hunk for a day, myself,” said Rainbow Dash.
“Wait, what?!” demanded Applejack as his face turned red.
Rainbow just zipped over and pushed the button.
*Click*
And then Rainbow Dash was in a frilly white dress.
“What?! Really?! Oh, Come on!” cried Rainbow Dash.
Applejack chuckled, still blushing, as he watched Rainbow pick at the dress.
“Welp, Ah’d say that was worth pushin’ the button to see. Never thought Ah’d ever see ya in a weddin’ dress, Rainbow,” said Applejack.
“Wait, this is a wedding dress?!” exclaimed Rainbow Dash as her cheeks turned red as well.
*Flash!*
Applejack and Rainbow Dash turned in surprise to see Discord, on a boat in the middle of the street, holding a camera.
“Perfect! That one’s going in the scrapbook,” said Discord.
At was at that moment the two ponies realized their situation: a mare and a stallion, both wearing wedding clothes, blushing while looking at each other, in front of a pillar that from a certain angle could almost be mistaken for an altar.
“Discord!” They cried together.
Discord just waved as the vessel sailed away into the air, revealing the ship’s name: AppleDash.
Rarity tittered and hummed as she looked at the button.
“Well, I suppose it’s not really a question of, ‘do I want to push it?’ Because I most certainly do. Just look at it. Such a wonderful shade of eye-catching red, that perfect circular shape, and of course that, admittedly somewhat crude, sign of prohibition. This is a professional made big red button. I simple must compliment the pony who designed this,” said Rarity.
“Discord,” said a random pony walking past her.
Rarity blushed, and let out an awkward cough.
“Ahem… I mean, I must compliment the being who designed this. But as I said, it’s not the question of ‘do I want to push it,’ but rather, ‘do I want to put myself through whatever chaos this will most certainly cause?’ No doubt, Discord has some crude joke prepared at my expense. And I, for one, simply do not have the time to put up with such things,” said Rarity.
And yet, she didn’t just turn and walk away. She just stood there, staring at the button. After a moment, she shook her head.
“Now, Rarity. We don’t want a repeat of the chicken legs from last year. You are a lady, and as such you are above such silly temptations. You are not going to push this button,” she declared to herself.
She then turned away, only to turn right back around.
“Oh, to Tartarus with it. I’d never be able to get anything done today otherwise. It’d just haunt me all day and ruin my concentration,” conceded Rarity.
So, with a resigned sigh, Rarity pushed the button.
*Click*
And then Rarity was part squirrel.
Rarity responded with a shriek as she looked her new body.
“W-what is this?! My hooves are paws, my teeth are massive, and my… oh. My tail is simply gorgeous!” cried Rarity.
She quickly wrapped her new, extra fluffy tail around herself and hugged it.
“Oh… this is lovely. It feels like I’m resting on a cloud. Perhaps this isn’t as bad as I… what’s that?” said Rarity.
She’d noticed something shining in the distance.
“Shiny!” exclaimed Rarity before she dashed off.
While Rarity was pulled away by her drastically reduced attention span, Pinkie Pie arrived at the scene. She rubbed her hooves together with glee as she gazed down at the button.
“Oh, Discord. Such a simple display of reverse psychology to inflict chaos on the entire town. I, for one, approve. Let’s see what little prank you’ve set up to try and catch me off guard, shall we?” said Pinkie Pie.
She didn’t hesitate at all. She just reached out and pushed the button.
*Click*
And then Pinkie Pie was a mare.
“Tah dah! I’m… wait. I was already a mare! What a rip off!” cried Pinkie Pie.
Pinkie Pie looked back at the button.
“OK, that had to have been a fluke. Let’s try this again,” announced Pinkie Pie.
*Click*
And then Pinkie Pie was an earth pony.
“What the… What the hay is going on?” asked Pinkie Pie.
*Click*
And then Pinkie Pie’s coat was pink.
…
*Click*
And then Pinkie Pie’s cutie mark was three balloons.
“No. No no no. You are not doing this to me!” cried Pinkie Pie.
*Click*
And then Pinkie Pie was female.
“Gah! Discord! How could you?!” cried Pinkie.
Pinkie started to rapidly mash the button.
*Click*
And then Pinkie Pie was a party planner.
*Click*
And then Pinkie Pie had blue eyes.
*Click*
And then Pinkie Pie had a poofy mane.
*Click*
And then Pinkie Pie was a draconequus.
*Click*
“Wait, what?! NO!” cried Pinkie.
And then Pinkie Pie was a pink pony.
“Gah! Fine! Keep me out of the fun why don’t you, meanie pants!” cried Pinkie Pie with a huff.
She turned and started stomping off, but not a moment later she stepped on an envelope with her name on it.
“Huh?” asked Pinkie Pie.
She picked up the envelope and opened it.
For being such a good sport and seeing the joke through to its end, here’s a little something to make up for the trouble. -Discord.
And then Pinkie Pie was a white pegasus.
“Oh! I get it! What a Surprise! This definitely makes up for last year’s pony eating potato chips,” said Pinkie Pie with a giggle.
Fluttershy rarely set hoof outside her home on April 1st, for obvious reasons. But she was out of carrots, so she had little choice the matter. And as she made her way through town, she spotted the button.
Naturally, she was tempted to push it. Unlike the rest of her friends, however, Fluttershy didn’t just walk up to it.
“Oh dear. Discord, I hope you’re being careful this year. I’d rather not go through that sea of butterscotch again,” mumbled Fluttershy.
As she stood there worrying, Derpy flew by and accidently landed on the the button.
*Click*
And then Derpy Hooves was Ditzy Doo.
Ditzy looked down at herself in confusion, before shrugging and flying off. Fluttershy, meanwhile, let out a sigh of relief.
“Oh. That’s much better. I’m glad you learned your lesson, Discord,” said Fluttershy with a smile.
But before she stepped up to push the button herself, she needed to get her carrots first. She had her priorities straight, after all. She got her chore done, then she came back and made her way to the button.
“Um… I know this is a harmless prank of some kind, Discord, so I figured you’d appreciate it if you had the chance to use it on me and not get in trouble for it. Just… nothing too scary, please?” asked Fluttershy.
Taking a nervous gulp, Fluttershy reached out and pushed the button.
*Click*
And then Fluttershy was back at home, surrounded by her animal friends, with a cup of hot apple cider in her hooves.
“Oh. That was very kind of you, Discord. Thank you,” said Fluttershy.
She didn’t notice that she’d gotten her vampire fruit bat fang again, which made the cider even more tasty than usual.
And so it continued for the rest of the day. Ponies just kept on ignoring the sign and pushing the button.
*Click*
And then Diamond Tiara was a crystal pony.
She looked down in awe before striking a pose.
*Click*
And then Dinky was a pegasus.
She let out a squeal of glee and ran to show her mom.
*Click*
And then Colgate’s mane was made of toothpaste.
She nearly fell over, she was giggling so hard.
Discord, meanwhile, just sipped his soda and smiled as he watched the wackiness unfold on the screen in front of him.
“I should have thought of this centuries ago. Ponies are just lining up to join in the chaos, and all I had to do was tell them not to push the button. Even dear Fluttershy was happy to get into the fun,” he said to himself.
*Click*
And then Sweetie Belle was a robot.
*Click*
And then Scootaloo was a changeling.
*Click*
And then Apple Bloom was a lich.
Discord frowned and snapped his fingers.
And then Apple Bloom was a ghoul. Nopony noticed the difference, and the three friends ran off none the wiser to the near miss.
“Then again, having to keep an eye on things to make sure nothing dangerous happens is rather annoying. But even I have to admit the spaghetti war was a bit much last year. I’ll have to try and find a better balance next time that won’t stick me with another seven hour lecture,” Discord grumbled.
*Click*
And then Berry Punch was in a giant bowl of punch.
Judging from her expression of bliss, the punch was probably spiked.
*Click*
And then Cheerilee was a young filly.
She looked shocked for a minute, then ran off with a massive smile on her face.
*Click*
And then Celestia was a massive, fully grown dragon.
Discord blinked, and then proceeded to spit out his soda and laugh hysterically.
“Well played, Celestia, well played,” said Discord.
Celestia just looked down at her little ponies with an extra toothy grin.
Author's Note
Oh hey, another minimum-effort April Fools' Day one shot by that guy who wrote URBC. Maybe one year I'll come up with something actually interesting for April 1st.
And no, I do not ship AppleDash. It was just too easy a punchline.
