Journals of the Royal Alchemist

by Ashfur

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, Comedy, Random, Princess Celestia, Anthology, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 11527

A collection of adventures and research from the royal alchemist, Arcane Catalyst

Arcane Catalyst, ageless royal alchemist, has had hundreds of adventures over the years. This is a collection of his field research studying various creatures and enviornments in the thousand years he was alive before the events of MLP.

An anthology of research notes, done in comedy style.

Fantastic cover art by Amalgamzaku aka Mix-Up

Published 2019-03-31 22:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2022-07-27 13:21:58 UTC

Entry 0: I got a journal!

Princess Celestia, Sol Invictus and current ruler of the land of Equestria, trotted down a long row of vibrantly colored tents and stalls. Canterlot was still under construction in some of the outer neighborhoods, but already the central market had been set up, even before the castle had! A lovely breeze brushed past her, the aroma of the many wares carried on its currents. She detected the scent of freshly baked bread, the strong, earthy odor of soil and flowers, and even the slightest hint of that new ‘perfume’ that had recently been invented. Ponies milled about the market happily, usually keeping to their own tribe as tensions from the unification still were fresh in their minds, but all in all it was shaping up to be a perfect day for some light shopping and interacting with her subj-

BOOM!

Everypony in the market recoiled or started to flee as one of the market tents got blown sky-high, a colorful trail of green smoke trailing behind it. Celestia watched as a small figure fell out of it, grabbed the corners of the tent and used it as a parachute to slow its descent to the town below. The wind actually seemed to be carrying the improvised skydiver in her direction actually… Which was good, considering she was planning on stopping by his shop anyway. Spreading her wings, she took to the air to meet her destructive, but genius royal alchemist.

As she approached, the pony’s features came more into view. Clinging to the tent was a bright orange pony with a horn jutting out of his forehead. His mane and tail were unkempt, a vibrant purple that extended into yellow tips, and he was wearing a now-singed lab coat that covered up the majority of his torso and flank.

“Arca. Dare I even ask what happened this time?” Celestia inquired as she zeroed in on her friend.

“Princess-boss! Hey! I was just… erm… enjoying the weather! I totally wasn’t trying new experimental recipes in the middle of market hours because I got bored! Oh, and there was something else I wanted to ask you, actually, what was it…” He let go of the tent with one hoof and scratched his chin in thought. “Oh yeah! Could you please fly closer so I don’t fall and hurt myself?”

Celestia simply rolled her eyes and flew in close enough to allow her royal alchemist to let go of his parachute and grab onto her foreleg. Normally it was against the law to grab royalty in such a manner, but there never really was a clause for airborne rescues so she figured it wouldn't count. Plus, Arcane Catalyst was a bit of a hugger when it came to close friends. Tackle hugs, to be exact. So, she touched down and allowed her friend to let go of her leg. ‘Honestly, Arcane, ponies could have been hurt! What were you thinking?”

Arca shrugged. “I was thinking that I'd never mixed my instant fire potions and high explosive potions together, why do you ask? Oh, for the record, they actually mix well, but it's not to be shaken lest it explodes! I was also thinking that it's a shame orange doesn't rhyme with anything.”

“Nevermind, Arca. Do you happen to have that potion I ordered?” Celestia asked. “The pegasi tribe is hounding me about the anti-feathermite shampoo and I would like that sample as soon as equinely possible.”

“Of course I do! What kind of Royal Alchemist would I be if I didn't have your orders ready on demand? I have it in the reserved potion rack in my shop tent! Which is… uh… oops.” The tent finally drifted down, a few dozen potions toppling over and spilling across the cobblestone path. Arca scanned the wreckage with his bright green eyes, finally settling a gooey blue puddle of some fluid. “Nevermind, I found it! It's right here. You don't mind some dirt, right?” He sheepishly grinned at Celestia, only to be met with her usual motherly glare of disappointment. “Okay, okay, I'll fix up another one by tonight! Now please excuse me while I go get lunch.”

“Are you going to clean this mess up first?”

“Fine.” Arca lit his horn and lifted a huge chunk of the ground into the air with his magic, levitating it alongside him as he made his way to his favorite bakery for some bread. “I'll clean this up and have it back tomorrow!”

The solar princess watched as he left, then glanced at the massive hole in the middle of the market. “Goodness, that colt needs a hobby. I wonder if sending him on vacation would calm him down a tad… Arca! Hold on a moment.”

The unicorn turned back around, taking a moment to polish his goggles. “Yeah? What do you need, Princess-boss?”

“I think you've been working very hard lately, and I'd like to approve that trip to the Everfree Forest you asked for. Some fresh air away from the city would probably do you some good. Just be sure to take some guards with you, and for the love of Faust, don't make it all about research. You need some time off every year to maintain your mental faculties!”

April 27, 15 A.N.M. (After Nightmare Moon)

Hello! My princess-boss Celestia got me this journal to ‘keep me occupied’ when I'm not brewing my potions. My name is Arcane Catalyst, Royal Alchemist of Equestria and super-smart inventor. I'm gonna use this journal to keep field notes on all the crazy creatures this world has to offer, and a few notable adventures I have collecting rare ingredients! I look forward to this, it's been ages since I've been approved for field research! So what if Celestia called these research trips ‘mandatory vacations’, I have my travel bag packed and I'm ready to tackle all the places this world has to offer! My first destination is the Everfree Forest, and I've heard talk of mighty beasts made of wood who live there. I wonder what kind of potions I can make with them!?

-Arcane Catalyst was here

Author's Note

Ages ago, Arca was still the same loon he is nowadays. No surprise there!

Welcome to the newest anthology of Arcane Catalyst's adventures outside of Rainbow Falls in the main story, The potion shop.

Entry 1: Big Wooden Woof-Woof

May 5, 15 A.N.M.

My Princess-boss Celestia is mad at me and I don't know why. The expedition went off without a hitch! I found so many cool and interesting things to experiment with! Like, I found these weird blue flowers that made me a mare for a few hours, all I did was test it on the group of guards I was assigned! But I kept them safe from monsters! I don't think that's what made her upset, though. I think it was the souvenir I brought back…

“Did you hear something, sir?” One of the less decorated members of the guard force dispatched to ‘protect’ Arca (more like protect everything else from him) glanced warily over his shoulder.

“Nah, it's probably just the lingering effects of the poison joke. Keep your eyes peeled, though. My vision is still a little warped from it.”

“I don't know, I just feel a little uneasy. Like we're being watched by… something.”

Suddenly, a roar pierced through the forest. Twigs snapped as a monstrous jumble of wood and leaves crashed through the underbrush, growling and baring its wooden teeth at the group. The recently discovered species of monster known as the timberwolf stared them down.

“Oh shit, run for your lives!” The guards booked it back towards base camp. Arcane was left unattended, standing still in shock as the beast stalked closer.

“Oh, sweet mother of my princess-boss…” Arca's eyes went wide as the distance closed between them, it looking more ferocious by the second. “It can't be… this can't be real…”

“PUPPY!”

The unicorn tackle-hugged the timberwolf, knocking it backwards onto its back. “Belly rubs for you! You get all the love and snuggles! Oh my goodness, I love dogs so much! I didn't expect to find one out here! Are you lost? Do you need ear scritches?” Arca kept pinning the beast, its struggles from being trapped slowing as its instincts told it that it was no longer the alpha. Finally, it relented, relaxing and allowing Arca to give it affection.

“Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?! You are! Yes you are! Do you wanna play fetch the stick? Wait, you kinda are a stick… wait, I know how to know what you want! Hold still, this might sting a little.” Arcane hit the timberwolf with a blast of magic combining a language spell with a pacification spell. He soothed it by rubbing the creature's head gently as the magic wormed its way down into its magical core, changing its behavior for the better...

Celestia sat on her throne discussing recent land disputes between earth ponies and unicorns in the local area when a timberwolf crashed through the throne room doors with her royal alchemist being dragged along due to holding onto the leash around its neck. All the guards sprung to attention, but it was too late, as the beast leapt into the air, pinned their beloved ruler, and… licked her with its big, leafy tongue?

“Hey! Down! Bad dog! No jumping on other ponies!” Arca yanked on the leash, pulling the timberwolf off of Celestia. “Sorry! I'm still training him. I found the poor guy lost in the woods! Can I keep him?”

“Arca… you brought home a TIMBERWOLF?!” Celestia couldn't believe what she was seeing. One of the most vicious creatures in the everfree and here it was sitting like some common housepet with minimal prompting!

“Oh, is that what breed he is? I was calling him a wooden woof-woof until now. Hey, watch this! I implanted a spell to let us know what he's trying to say! Say hi to the princess, boy! Speak!”

From within the timberwolf, a monotone voice echoed out, muffled slightly by the wood that made up the torso of the creature.

“WAG WAG WAG. I AM MISTER SPLINTERS.”

“See?!” Arca beamed at Celestia. “He's friendly!”

The solar monarch paused for a moment. “Um… Arca, did that… ‘dog’ just say ‘wag wag wag’ instead of wagging its tail?”

“I AM MISTER SPLINTERS”

“Shush, boy! I'll get you a treat later, okay? Now lay down.”

The timberwolf, seemingly named Mr. Splinters, complied. “I AM MISTER SPLINTERS.”

Arca nervously shuffled his hooves in front of the throne. “Okay, so maybe I caused some irreversible damage to its magical core-brain thing and it's about as intelligent as a gecko now. But he won't hurt anypony and he needs somepony to care for him so can I adopt him please please please?! Meadowbrook never let me have a dog!”

Celestia took a deep breath in through her nostrils and sighed a rather large sigh. “You know what, maybe this will actually teach you some responsibility, Arcane. Keep it fed and don't let it go after anypony and we'll see if it's worth keeping… I guess.”

That got Arca's eyes to light up like fireworks. “For realsies?!”

“Yes. Now please get your new pet out of day court so it doesn't scare my subjects. Please.”

“Okay! You won't regret this, I promise! Say thank you to the princess, big guy!”

“I AM MISTER SPLINTERS.”

“Good boy!”

So yeah, I have no idea why she got so upset with me keeping Mister Splinters! So I may have essentially caused massive brain damage hitting him with the translator spell, but he's not trying to maim anypony anymore! Regardless, I took him home and made him a nice bed to sleep in out of fresh soil and a few leaves. I set it up where the sun can shine on him to allow for photosynthesis, and he seemed extremely pleased with this, crying out “I AM MISTER SPLINTERS” as enthusiastically as a monotone talking dog-thing can. He also hasn't howled at the moon, which is nice, and that reminds me that it's nearly been 16 years since she got banished as Nightmare Moon, so Celestia might need some cheerful words. And speaking of THAT, I wonder what Celly thought about my new pal who is demanding walkies. Anything you wanna add to the journal, Mister Splinters?

I AM MISTER SPLINTERS

-Arca

Dear Diary,

One would think that after thirty years of knowing him, my royal alchemist would no longer surprise me. And yet… still, he continues to confound me. He brought home a TIMBERWOLF! It's times like this I wish emotions were allowed to be seen more on royals in public. You should have seen Lord Spin Dizzy run like a madpony out of the room in terror!

-Celestia

Entry 2: Special Eyes

October 25, 30 ANM

Celestia is mad at me again. What's an alchemist to do? All I did was follow orders! Now I have to fuss around with medical textbooks I've never touched to fix a magical problem I have no training in… and I'm not allowed to just use dark magic to fix it, either!

So, the apothecary at the hospital has been out with the feather flu for the past week. Naturally, the director asked me to fill in for her. Because I'm a unicorn who totally doesn't have wings. At all. And the one time I did was… Celestia said I need to say it was a side effect. I still have nightmares about the lynch mob calling me a 'freak who does not deserve wings' and trying to kill me for 'being possessed by Nightmare Moon'. Ugh, I need to go for a walk and try to get that memory out of my head…

...Anyway, since I CLEARLY don't have wings I can't catch the feather flu, and even if I did I have a grand panacea on hoof that can cure any and all ills. So I was asked to sub in for the normal medicine pony. I thought it was the best idea ever! Why the director was so hesitant I'll never know.

So this unicorn mare comes in, yeah? To my little counter where I've set up. Mostly I've been dishing out anesthetic potions and pain relief gels, but this mare is different. She walks up holding a diagnosis paper, not a prescription! And yeah, I know only the doctors are supposed to read those. But I have a doctorate! In alchemy, not medical science, but still! What's the difference between highly invasive surgery and mixing a few explosive chemicals in a vat? None!

So she walks up, and says, "Can you help me?"

And I ask, "Sure. What's your issue?"

"I have macaroni dominoes… no, musketeer dalmations… you read it." So I take the diagnosis, and I say,

"It says here you have macular degeneration. It's a vision problem."

"Ah, I see."

"Not with macular degeneration you don't."

I'm not sure why she was suddenly glaring at the wall. There weren't any paintings, and I wasn't standing there. Was she mad I came up with that joke first? Eh, I digress. I decided that since I can't do eye surgery without permission, I'd fix the issue with potions! So I set to work. I had a working potion within a few hours! And it restored her sight using the biggest workaround I've ever thought of.

You know that one spell that unicorns learn at like… third level advanced thaumaturgy studies? The one usually only used on a theoretical basis because of the sheer quantities of mana it needs? Yeah, the one that lets you see the magical signature of living things highlighted in color based on their emotions.

I enchanted her left eye with that.

So, it turns out pouring the mana reserves equivalent to roughly 50 unicorns directly into somepony's eye is very painful. And bright. All the staff on the first floor are being treated for temporary flash blindness and you could see the flash from Canterlot Castle. I don't think I've ever seen Celestia move as fast as she did. She wasn't pleased.

Long story short, macular degeneration is incurable! You only manage the symptoms until you go blind. So I kinda did the right thing? I still got in a lot of trouble and had to pay a few thousand bits in damages, but the hospital also got slammed for 'borrowing the royal alchemist without notifying the royalty'. Apparently I'm mentally unstable? I feel fine. Anyway, since the effort required to un-enchant her eye is too much even for me (unenchanting is WAY tougher!), we left her eye as it is. It gave her a lazy eye, though, although I bet she could still see though it if it worked. Regardless, at Celestia's suggestion, we are working on a list of things I am not allowed to do. So far all we have is 'Arca may not perform any medical procedure he is not qualified for, unless it is a life or death emergency.' It's a start. Maybe we can make lists for specific places? I dunno.

As a side note, I asked around, and after getting laughed out of ten different eye doctors because "There's no way you can enchant an eyeball!", one well regarded doctor said that IF it was possible (it is), the enchantment might be able to be passed down. So if I ever meet any gray ponies with wonky yellow eyes, I may need to ask them a few questions...

Author's Note

"How did you even do that, Arca?"

"Uh... I got lucky?"

Entry 3: Arca accidentally saves the day

February 12, 33 ANM

So, I'm writing this in my lab, while I'm brewing a kickin' new potion. No, seriously, it temporarily strengthens your back legs to kick better! And I decide to test it. Perks of being able to recover from anything means I don't need to worry about hiring testers. So I chug the potion, and decide to look for the biggest, heaviest thing I can find to dropkick as hard as possible. And then I realized what I can use! Imma go do it!

February 15, 33 ANM

I am no longer allowed to kick the giant door to the throne room.

Actually, Celestia locked my lab for three whole days as punishment for causing a scene, so I couldn't get to my journal until now. Normally I would have been put in prison for a few days for pulling a stunt like that, but it turns out I helped her this time so I just got a flick on the ear and an order to not try again.

From what I've been able to gather, it seems like an evil pony who practiced dark magic broke into the throne room and threatened to cast several different curses if his demands weren't met. Now, Celestia is pretty skilled at dark magic thanks to her and I studying it to try and free ~~Nightmare Moon~~ Luna. If we consider King Sombra to be the de facto master of dark magic, a Phd at the top of his field, then Celestia at least has a bachelor's degree from all the research she did to save Luna. I roughly have a middle school education of dark magic from helping, mainly because I focused on abyssal magic instead. Shoggoths are pretty friendly once you get over the whole 'should not be physically possible' thing they have going. Lotsa weird stuff out there, especially that triangle dude.

Anyway, so you have two of the best dark magic users in the world (not like we want to acknowledge that fact) and this dark magus is threatening Celestia with a curse. Remember how I said she had the equivalent of a college degree in dark magic? Yeah, this guy essentially just left kindergarten. His curses still woulda been dangerous, but fixing them wouldn't have been more than a moderate inconvenience. He was gonna cause this low-level plague or something. So Celestia was trying to talk the guy down, when WHAM!

That's when I kicked the door. Off its hinges. I think I put too much oomph shrooms in that batch. The whole door fell forward! Tore up the floor and everything. The poor stallion got buried in rubble and is recovering from his injuries after we pulled him out! He's been placed under heavy security.

Or at least he would be recovering if he didn't keep trying to use more dark magic to escape. That stuff draws from the caster or a vessel as fuel, unlike mana, so he's hurting himself in the long run. I really, really hope he hasn't figured out the legendary 'Dying Curse', which adds the power of an emotional magic surge and the power released by killing the caster to create a near-unbreakable curse! The only folks who can pull that off and live are the alicorns, and they'd be in critical condition afterwards. But I digress. I noticed the culprit knew way less dark magic than me, and got in WAY more trouble.

So I pulled Celestia aside yesterday, and asked her, "Hey. Clearly I know WAY about dark magic than that guy. Why is he getting 15 years in jail and I'm just locked out of my lab?"

Celestia just kinda smiled and explained that I was capable of handling that much energy now without ripping off parts of somepony's soul. Yeah, apparently that happens. I never noticed since I have much more magic. Neat, right? Well, I guess not really. Celestia said it best. "Corrupting dark magic is best left to those who have the will to never surrender to it, and the maddening knowledge of abyssal magic is best left to those who are already crazy."

...did she call me insane? In a roundabout way? Huh. I may need to collect an apology for that one. After I figure out where she went. She hid herself away for heat week, but I can always try my new super hearing potion! I'll be able to hear everything that's happening in the whole city with perfect clarity! I can't wait to try it!

February 16, 33 ANM

Celestia has booked me my first therapy appointment.

Entry 4: Beat the Heat

July 11, 33 ANM

It's REALLY hot.

Like, I don't know what the problem is, but my lab is sweltering. First I thought I'd accidentally put on one of my insulated winter lab coats by mistake, but nope, it's just that hot. I've checked the windows, they work fine. I've tried spritzing water in the air. It doesn't work. The sun is beating down outside and if this keeps up I'm going to have to chug a water breathing potion and hide in the moat until nightfall.

Normally, I'd go over to the throne room and just ask Celestia if she could please tone down her pet fireball in the sky. But she's in a meeting with a foreign dignitary, and she's smart. She put cinnamon broomsticks in front of the doors to her meeting room! I HATE those things! They have way too strong a smell.

I swear, the moat is looking more and more tempting with every passing second. But then I wouldn't get any work done. Although, Celestia HAS been telling me to take a day off on occasion…

I have an idea.

Celestia sol Invictus was having a bad day. She was hosting the first diplomatic meeting with the recently established yak nation, and it was not going well.

"Yaks upset! Sun horse no agree to trade deals! Too hot in room! Treats provided too rich, not crunchy enough! Room smell like cinnamon too much! Colors of room too bright!"

Celestia grumbled under her breath, desperate for the conversation to get back to actual topics instead of complaining about literally everything. She had never seen anything quite like this society, one built almost entirely on complaining until the other side relents. It was more like a pack of adolescents as opposed to anything else. Her only hope was that they wouldn't reach a point where-

"Yaks leaving!"

-the ambassadors would do that. The group of ten yaks stood up, knocking the table to one side as they moved toward the double doors of the fancy meeting room. They flung the door open unceremoniously, the doors swinging inward to reveal a literal wall of water. It held position just long enough for some fish to swim past, and if one had sharp eyes, they would have seen all the guards were begrudgingly standing in their usual spots with extra long snorkels in their mouths.

"New complaint! Humidity in hallway too hig-" That was all the head ambassador got out before the water flooded forward and slammed into the occupants. Celestia barely had time to throw up a weak shield spell before she suddenly had a ball of wet yak impact the bubble and swept all of them into the current.

Celestia poked her head above water a few moments later, having been carried through a school of fish and into the hallway. She gasped for air as she paddled in the waves, panic and adrenaline making her wonder just what was the cause of her castle, which was situated on a literal mountain, was flooded. And then the reason came floating by.

"Aloha, Princess-boss! It was hot out and you were busy so I fixed the problem myself." Sure enough, Arca was drifting by on an inner tube, wearing sunglasses and a teal lab coat with pineapples printed on it. He also had a glass of pink lemonade with a tiny umbrella in it.

"ARCANE CATALYST!"

"What? Did you want a drink too?"

Celestia knew she was going to need a drink after this. A very alcoholic one. "Arca, WHY is the castle flooded, and where the buck did you get all this water?!"

"Oh, I drained the moat with a portal. I got the feeling you didn't want me interrupting your meeting."

"Fix it!"

Arca shrugged. "Can't."

"And why not?!"

"Because it's my day off. You told me to start taking days off from work, remember?" Celestia was about to bust out the Royal Canterlot Voicetm when Arca gestured to his left. "Plus, those guys seem to be enjoying it."

Sure enough, off to the side, the group of yaks were having a blast in the water, splashing around and knocking over several dozen expensive things as they moved about. "Yaks take back insults! Sun horse has fun castle!" "Yaks love pool to play in! We take trade deal!" "So long as yaks have place to splash, yaks are happy!"

July 12, 33 ANM

So turns out I actually need to NOTIFY Celestia that I'm taking the day off. Before the day I'm not working, more specifically. Also I'm not allowed to flood the castle again.

On the plus side, I did a diplomacy! The yaks were really happy with water to cool off in, and thanks to their thick coats they held the water and stayed cool for the whole visit. They smell about as good as a cinnamon broom, though, in my opinion. Wet yak is not a pleasant scent. Celestia has, thankfully, decided to install a pool in the castle for recreation and future yak visits.

I still had to clean up the mess and put the water back in the moat, unfortunately. The whole first floor is still soggy and might have some mold if we aren't careful. But I have a bigger problem… it's sweltering again! And I can't do what I did yesterday, Celestia said I couldn't!

…wait, I have an idea. Should deal with the mold too.

July 13, ANM

I am no longer allowed to freeze the castle to make the throne room into an ice rink.

Author's Note

July 11, 33 ANM

Some days I don't know whether my alchemist is a genius or an imbicile. That being said, I was trying to find room in the budget for a pool.

Now, those bits will come out of the newly established Arca damage fund. I can already tell it's too small to cover the destruction he causes annually, but it's a start.

-Celestia

Entry 5: Potion Seller

October 21, 33 ANM

I had an interesting occurrence at the market today. See, I was walking along when…

Arcane Catalyst trotted past a few stalls in the Canterlot market. Ponies happily peddled their wares, and many were seen haggling with practiced ease. Arca loved the market, there was always so much going on! So many things to find, and if he got lucky, some rarer ingredients or books. Or snacks.

Of course, he had his own stall to run, and he figured he should get back before the force field he cast over it wore off. At least, that was the plan. But as Arca turned around, his ears perked up. Standing a short distance away from him was an interaction going on at a stall. It seemed like an argument.

More alarming was that it appeared to be an alchemy shop, and the customer was a royal guard.

The guard slammed his hoof down on the counter, rattling a few errant bottles. "Have you no respect for Her Majesty Celestia's Royal Guard?! I will say again, Potion Seller, I am going into battle and I need your STRONGEST potions!"

The merchant, irritated at the guard's continued insistence, pulled his potions out of reach. "I have plenty of respect for the guard, but I tell you again, these potions are too strong for you! My strongest potions would kill a dragon, let alone a weak stallion like you!"

Sluuuuurrrrrp…

Both stallions turned their heads to the sudden noise. While they had been distracted, Arca had simply walked up and, with his usual lack of regard for safety, had picked a potion at random and chugged it.

He smacked his lips and let out a satisfied exhale, as the other two looked on in shock. "...meh, I've had better tasting potions. You were right about this being enough to kill a mortal, though. I can taste the conquesta dust in this, I'm impressed you got your hooves on any. You can only find it in the depths of the eternal blizzard where the Crystal Empire used to be, and-"

"Y-you utter fool! Do you even realize what you've done?!" Potion Seller grabbed Arcane by the head with his forehooves and stared him in the eyes. "You drank that, that means that-"

"Yeah, yeah, I'll die in twenty minutes, I've heard it all before, blah blah blah." Arca rolled his eyes. "All it does is give you prime-of-life skill until it wears off and you 'die', which is incorrect. It ages you 100 years over 20 seconds, and I have a workaround for that. Seriously, you could have picked so many different things to give an equivalent strength boost. What good is the strongest potion if you can't use it?"

"Are you dense?!"

"My boss didn't name a metal Arcanium for nothing, so I assume so. At least, that's what she told me."

"You are going to die! Mortal fool!"

Arca shrugged and turned to face the other stallion, the one from the royal guard. "So, you're going into battle and need the good stuff, huh?"

"Y-yes. I came to see this potion seller because I need only the strongest potions to vanquish my foe!"

"Whatch'a fighting?"

"Far down the cliff, on the border of the Everfree forest, there's been sightings of a hydra that-"

"Count me in, then! I'll get my stuff." Arca flipped a 100-bit coin onto the counter to pay Potion Seller, who was looking more and more exasperated by the second. "Keep the change, friend!"

"B-but what about acquiring strong potions?!"

"I'll brew some back at my stall. I'll give you potions so strong that you'll make that hydra wish it had never been born! But a raid boss is no fun without friends. I'll grab Mister Splinters and my gear, and we can take it down together!"

As Arca and his new friend Potion User walked off, Arca's body briefly glowed as the conquesta dust attempted to age him. Potion Seller fainted as he saw that the mysterious pony was actually capable of handling his strongest potion.

"Shouldn't that have killed you?" Potion User asked.

"Nah," Arca shrugged as he ushered the knight into his tent. "Old age can't kill a rock."

"What?"

"Nothing!"

…turns out conquesta dust is now illegal, by the way. Has been for a while, nopony told me. Anyway, that was yesterday. I didn't die, obviously, because (loathe as I am to admit it) the growths on my sides do mark me as Innovation incarnate. Anyway, I'm about to go and fight this hydra with my new best customer, Sir Potion User! He uses potions in battle. I like his style, so I gave him the strongest potion I could brew on such short notice.

October 22, 33 ANM

Court had to be cancelled this morning. The staff are in a panic because a massive explosion just leveled a small chunk of the Everfree forest. Under normal circumstances I would be quite alarmed at such an event, but shortly after I got a letter from Arcane asking if, hypothetically, it would be possible to transport a hydra-sized object from a hypothetical forest up a hypothetical mountain to a hypothetical capital city before it rots, so a hypothetical alchemist could use it for ingredients.

I'm not sure if I should tell him he's not subtle.

I also just received another message from Arca that reads: 'Nevermind, I got it.'

That colt worries me. And now I need to find a place to store an entire dead hydra.

-Celestia

Author's Note

One ~~puuuunch~~ potiooooonnnnn!!!
epic lute solo because guitars haven't been invented yet

Entry 6: Drink in Moderation

Celestia's Journal, January 30, 35 ANM

Today was perhaps one of the most embarrassing moments of my tenure as princess of Equestria.

It was supposed to be a perfect day, planned down to the minute. For the first time, I had finally managed to arrange a banquet with all the Lords and Ladies in attendance, every last one. It was supposed to be a feast to celebrate unity, and to discuss how each province of Equestria was doing without needing to send letters across long distances.

The banquet started off well enough. Everypony took their seats, and the servants brought out some appetizers as we chatted. And then, to kick things off, everypony got a glass of Violet Hills wine. It's some of the most expensive wine in the world, given the quality and how difficult it is to import. I personally only have fifteen bottles in storage, and I had set aside six in the wine cellar so there was just enough for each noble to have a single glass before we moved on to less expensive wines.

"A toast," I remarked, "To our cooperation towards a brighter tomorrow." And we all drank our wine in one one gulp. It tasted different than expected, but we all finished our glasses and let out a sigh.

"I say, that tasted quite- WHAT HAPPENED TO MY VOICE!?" I glanced over, the voice was one of the most feminine I'd ever heard. Sultry, too. To my surprise, it had come from none other than Lord Wild Wind, who usually sounded gruff and irritated.

"Wild, Wind, are you alright?" I asked, before immediately slamming my hooves over my muzzle in embarrassment. My own voice was masculine, deep. It was as though the perfect stallion from any mare's fantasies had switched his voice with mine! The whole room erupted into pandemonium as everypony realized their voice was different. Some were squeaky and high pitched, others aggressive and powerful, but always, ALWAYS was not a match for the pony speaking.

Under normal circumstances, I'd look to Arcane as the root cause, but I locked his laboratory today so he wouldn't cause any disruptions. My only guess is that some of that vile Discord's magic must have been on a delayed curse, or something similar. I've launched an investigation, and had to do so without speaking out of embarrassment. Thankfully my voice has returned to normal.

January 30, 35 ANM

So, I'm sitting in my lab in the castle, waiting for a few potions to finish brewing. I may be the best at what I do, but I am still only one pony, so I can only have so many potions brewing at once before I risk not being on time for an important step.

I should probably mention that my lab is located on the first floor of the castle, away from the throne room. It's near one of the gardens, which serves as both a way to reach most of the fresh herbs I need and an evacuation route in case of a problem. It's a one way door, too, mainly so I can't get in that way if Celestia locks me out of my lab like she did today. Thankfully I dug a secret entrance from the wine cellar to my lab.

So, my potions finish brewing, and I realize that I've forgotten to restock on glass bottles since there's been a bit of a shortage recently. So I sit down and think, where am I going to store these potions? It's not like I know a place with lots of glass bottles that is cool and dry and dark and then I realized I know exactly where I needed to go.

So I got to the wine cellar, right? And I take like ten bottles off the shelf, and they're all from this really obscure region of Prance called the Violet Hills. They were the only bottles from that place, so it must be small and not important. So I emptied all 30 bottles down the drain in my lab, washed them out, and filled them with potions. It was a special brew, too, since Hearts and Hooves day is coming up. I'm not making love potions this year after the fiasco last year, so instead I decided that I'm making a voice changing potion to give ponies the confidence to confess their love to their crushes. I put the bottles back on the shelf in the wine cellar until I can get more glass bottles, but Violet Hills is such an obscure, out of the way place that it shouldn't matter. All they do is make wine there.

Anyway, Celestia wrote me a letter asking me to help with an investigation going on. Apparently she thinks there's a bit of Discord's magic lingering around? Something about a dinner party. I'm just glad she didn't come ask me herself, otherwise I'd have to explain why I'm in my lab when she locked it, and I don't want her finding out about my secret way in. Or that I can pick locks.

Also, the voice changing potions disappeared, somehow, probably related to the chaos magic if there is any. Probably for the best, if I didn't clean out the wine bottles completely there's a chance the potion would make the voice of the drinker into the voice perfectly suited to seduce themselves. That'd be awkward. It's not worth reporting, so I just brewed some more, in actual bottles this time.

Author's Note

Present day, Rainbow falls

Celestia was reading Arca's old journals with permission when a certain entry caught her eye. She considered breaking out the Royal Canterlot Voice tm to yell at Arca, but decided it was best to let bygones be bygones, given how long ago it had happened. She took a sip of her drink, and her eyes went wide as she recognized the taste. Her voice came out the same way it had all those years ago.

"ARCA!"

"Oh, a new customer! Hold on sir, I'll be right down!"

Entry 7: Forever Family

September 29, 35 ANM

How the BUCK am I sixty years old?!

Seriously. It feels like just last year I was celebrating my 30th birthday. I mean, I was, since Celestia issued a royal decree that says I can legally call myself 30 years old from now until the stars die out, but that's besides the point! HOW DID I GET TO BE SIXTY?

Two entire generations of ponies have been born, grown up, and settled down while I've been doing nothing with my life! All I've done is revolutionize medicine and alchemy and saved countless lives in the process. Most ponies barely make it past 40 in this day and age, and I didn't even earn my cutie mark until I was 30! 30 for the first time, not last year. That was my 29th 30th birthday.

I hope I get another cauldron this year. My old one broke last week when I tried using it to sled down the steps in the grand hall. Cast iron beats marble stairs, who knew?

Anyway… I need to go for a walk. Alone.

The field was quiet when Arca approached, the dark of night making it eerily beautiful. Ponhenge hadn't changed much in the 44 years he'd been visiting it for. Six stone obelisks. But to Arcane Catalyst, only one of them was his reason for visiting.

There was a faint, faint trace of Mage Meadowbrook's magical signature on the obelisk. Even Celestia would have missed it, because she didn't have the knowledge of abyssal magic to scan for it. But it was cold, unfeeling, lost. Arcane sighed, placing a hoof against the stone. It would be so, so easy to tear the Pillars back out of limbo so he could see his mother again, but with no counter for the Pony of Shadows his friend Stygian had become, there was no reason to break the veil to retrieve them. He could wait. He had all the time in the world.

"One day," he whispered. "One day I'll save you, and you'll say you're proud of me. That I did good. I miss you so much, mom. But I have to be an adult, and that means being patient until I'm ready. Promise me you'll keep waiting?"

No response.

"While I must confess I have never known the burden of motherhood, I have no doubt that Meadowbrook would gladly wait for ten thousand years or more for you." Arca's ears perked up at the new voice, but he recognized it immediately, and allowed his guard to drop once more. Turning around, he saw Princess Celestia laying next to a nearby tree on a small bed of leaves she'd plucked from the nearby bushes. A modest cake was in front of her, a single lit candle illuminating the gloom. "Happy birthday, Arcane."

"Princess-boss…" Arca's eyes felt moist. "You followed me here?" He slowly walked over to her, laying down next to her so they could both look at the ruins.

"Arca. I may get a bit… snippy, at times thanks to your antics, but do not let your mind doubt that you are anything less than family. To both me, and Luna. See?" Celestia pointed up at the moon, still low in the night sky and just above Meadow's pillar. "She's waiting for you too. The whole family is here, and we're not leaving you."

"It will take a while, Celestia. To make another Philosopher's Stone that will work."

'We have plenty of time. Even if it's not you who frees them, I promise you, Arca, that one day, you and Meadowbrook will be able to hold each other in a tight hug again. And I will once more be able to look up and see the true beauty of the night sky… Luna did always make it better than me."

Acra snuggled up close to Celestia, finally taking a slice of cake for himself. "You promise?"

"I promise. All we have to do… is wait."

The night was quiet as the two shared in the confection. It was another few minutes before Arca let his last thought for the night known.

"Waiting is nice and all, but I'd rather not wait on this blanket of poison oak leaves."

Celestia tilted her head. "Poison what now?"

"Discovered it last month."

"What does it do?"

"Make you regret using them as a bed, for starters. Thank goodness I have a lab coat to keep me safe."

Author's Note

For those who are curious, here's the timeline.

-May 10, 17 BNM - Arca attempts to get as far away from the Hayseed Swamp village as possible before turning into a tree, and meets Meadowbrook, who saves his life. Likely due to the extent of his sickness, he remembers nothing of his past beyond a few basic details.
-August 18, 14 BNM - The Pillars of Equestria banish the Dazzlings.
-September 9, 9 BNM - Meadowbrook and the other pillars seal themselves in limbo to trap the pony of shadows.
-November 19, 9 BNM - Celestia visits Hayseed Swamp and recruits Arca as her royal alchemist/protogé. Canterlot begins construction.
-June 21, 1 ANM - Luna is banished
-December 1, 1 ANM - Celestia gives Arca the green light on his Philosopher's Stone project
-September 29, 5 ANM - Arca uses his 30th birthday party as an excuse to get Celestia out of work so they can attempt to create a Philosopher's Stone
-September 29, 5 ANM, 8:36 P.M. - Arca steps into history by succeeding (kinda), and accidentally makes himself immortal in the process, locking his body's age at 30.
-September 29, 5 ANM, 8:37 P.M. - Celestia orders her builders to reinforce everything near Arca's lab.

It's worth noting that this did require me to go back and retcon a few dates in Potion Shop chapter 16, "How I met your Princess", but they shouldn't be noticable and now we have an order of events.

Entry 8: The Janitor's Apprentice

"And would you like to explain why you thought it was a good idea to start a food fight in the mess hall?" Celestia glared down at Arcane, whi currently only had one eye available to look back at her. This was due to the pie still covering half his face, oozing its sweet insides down his neck. His tail was wagging excitedly.

"Because it's the MESS hall, Princess-boss! That means it's for messes!"

Celestia pressed a hoof to her forehead, squinting her eyes closed. Yup, there it was. The migraine of the day, for once not caused by the squabbling nobility trying to push their agendas. "Arca, while I will let that slide as it is technically a valid argument in your mind, I can't have you doing this. Just… get this place cleaned up by the time day court is over. Okay?"

"You got it, Princess-boss!" Arca saluted, sending some spaghetti flying off his foreleg and onto the nice tile with a resounding splat.

Celestia walked off, likely to go grab some of Arca's migraine relief potions from her medicine cabinet. This, however, came at the cost of leaving Arca to his own devices.

"Hm. Lots to clean up. I bet I can make this easier. TO THE LAB!"

April 17, 36 ANM

Celestia asked me to clean up the entire mess hall. Thankfully, I forgot to return this old tome on time to the archives, and I think I can use it to help. I'm allowed to use forbidden magic with caution. And if I clean the whole castle, Celestia will be really happy and maybe approve my research into bottled lightning! It's just some cleaning. What could go wrong?

And so Arca ran back to his lab, scribbled an entry into his journal, picked up a broom, and got to work.

Celestia let out a sigh. She would almost, almost take Arca's nonsense over the current court proposal going on in front of her.

"I mean, just think of the potential! The convenience! And I have more than proven that I am fully capable of handling such power safely." Gem Shine was one of the most well known of the 'sorcerers' in Canterlot. They often pushed the boundaries of magic, yes, but often dipped into morally gray or outright dangerous areas to push technology further. For one of them to appear in court was rare, but Gem… Gem had come asking for a very particular book, for animating inanimate objects. He had brought in several tests of magical strength to prove his prowess, and his compatriots had spilled quite a bit of ink as they wrote down the results faster than her mages could check them for validity. Thankfully, Celestia had an ace up her proverbial sleeve.

"Gem Shine, I will once again remind you that the animate object spell is forbidden for good reason. That being said, even if I did want to give it to you, my hooves are tied. The spellbook is currently in the possession of one of my own mages, and he's very busy so he cannot meet with you to hoof it over."

"YOUR MAJESTY!" A group of guards rushed in the throne room doors and promptly shut them, most of the earth pony guards holding them closed. Some of the greener guards looked utterly shellshocked, as though they had just seen their first war. "WE HAVE A SERIOUS PROBLEM!"

"Arca again?"

"Yes, ma'am! He took some supplies and-" the guard did not get to finish as the doors of the throne room burst open with a mighty BANG.

And then they marched in.

Brooms. Dozens upon dozens of brooms and mops, marching in formation as they carried buckets of water in wooden arms extending from their handles. They proceeded to march towards the nearest mess on the floor of the throne room and dumped buckets of water upon it, after which the mops swabbed it up and they moved on. The issue was the sheer number of them. The hall to the throne room was clogged full of mops and brooms, and while Celestia was sure the floor underneath had never been cleaner, it was impossible to see.

And riding atop the sea of cleaners was none other than Arca, riding in his cauldron like a miniature boat. He seemed to be enjoying himself as he reached down and grabbed a tomato from the cauldron, tossing it to another spot that looked like it needed cleaning. "Over there next! Troops advance!" He paused, waving to the group at the throne. "Hi Princess-boss! Hi everypony else! I'm CLEANING!"

"I take it back," Gem Shine added worryingly. "I don't think I want to study that spell anymore."

Celestia smiled. That saved her the problem of needing to explain the dangers of spells that had good reason to be restricted to all but the greatest magi. "I appreciate it. Now let me deal with this." She stepped around Gem, approaching the horde of sentient supplies. "Gee Celestia, why haven't you ever considered having foals?" She mumbled under her breath. "Probably because I already adopted one off of Meadowbrook. ARCANE CATALYST!"

The sudden shout of his name startled Arca, who was in the process of throwing yet another tomato to 'guide' his makeshift army around. This made him overshoot, and the tomato splattered straight on Celestia's flanks.

And then all the brooms and mops turned towards her with purpose.

"Oh no."

April 18, 36 ANM

So the castle has never looked cleaner! Celestia isn't happy though, because once the mops caught up to her they scrubbed her so much the fur on her flanks are gone. It'll grow back but for now she looks like a baboon. She didn't like that.

She also cast the counterspell on my little flock of cleaners, which had the adverse effect of making them explode into splinters. Then she took the spellbook back while I was trying to help the servants who all decided to do a porcupine impression.

She let me keep one of the brooms and one of the mops, though! Apparently my lab 'needs tidying up' and 'papers and leaves strewn across the floor is not becoming of the royal alchemist' and whatnot.

…oh shoot, I forgot to clean the mess hall. My little army never were on our way there when we got sidetracked in the throne room. I hope somepony else got to it before the Prench dignitaries arrive today.

…nope, I hear yelling. I think this might be a good time to go gather ingredients in the mountains. I'll write more later gottagobye!

Author's Note

Arca is, unlike a certain mouse, fully capable of handling and directing an army of brooms.

That doesn't mean he's supposed to do that.

Entry 9: Where's Arca?

Three sharp knocks sounded on the door to Arca's lab. There was a subtle click as the door swung open, Celestia poking her head in. "Arcane, I need to talk to you. Some Zebrican herbalists are asking for some rarer ingredients from the Everfree and I was wondering if you could escort them to… the… locations?" She looked around. The lab was silent. The lanterns and magic crystals were off. "...Arca? Hm." She turned to her secretary. "Bullet Point, did Arcane have anything scheduled for today?"

"No, your majesty."

Welp, that was the red flag to end all red flags. "Scramble the guards. Either Arca's been taken by somepony, which would be bad, or he's outside and unsupervised, which would be WORSE."

January 10, 37 ANM

Do you know how hard it is to brew 17 different potions at once? It's very hard. And I'm gonna have to do it when I get home. But, such is life. I sold off most of my stock at a discount for a charity sale to support the local orphanage. Ironskin potions, cold resistance, pain relief, dreamwalking, and more! I even got authorized to sell a few temporary wing potions to some curious earth ponies that wanted to try flying, it was great! Plus, I wanted to help get some extra bits for the poor foals. I've been orphaned twice, I know how much it hurts.

But yeah, I can only do so much at any given time, even I can't brew more than five or six potions at once. And I need someone to watch the lab while I'm gone. Maybe it's high time I follow in mom's hoofsteps and get an apprentice of my own.

Still, it's been a super productive day! I probably shoulda told Celestia directly that I was going to be out working the charity sale, but she's a smart mare. It's not like me disappearing off her radar for six hours is going to cause a panic.

Arca put down his journal and got up from his spot under the oak tree in the back yard of the orphanage. He glanced up at a sudden commotion, there appeared to be a contingent of royal guards racing across one of the streets in the upper district. "Hm, I wonder what those guys are looking for. I am technically a knight… maybe I should get my armor and help?" He paused, contemplating his options. "...nah, I want food. Mister Splinters, watch the stand while I'm gone, okay? Remember, it's a charity sale, so half off regular prices."

"I AM MISTER SPLINTERS. BALL. BALL. BALL." The orphan foals were certainly happy playing fetch with the pup. Taking that to be confirmation that everything would be fine, Arca set off to find food. Which, in the case of Arca, meant heading to the bakery. It wasn't a far walk, and he could overhear a conversation from inside.

"And you haven't seen him?"

"If I had, sir, I'd tell you. You know he's a regular customer here. He was talking about a charity sale. I'm pretty sure there was one going on at the mason's guild. Maybe check there?"

"Good idea. Thank you for your time." A group of guards ponies sprinted out of the bakery and right past Arca, who was keeping a low profile so as to not interrupt. And then he calmly strolled into the bakery.

"Crispy Crust! Hi good to see you how you doing gimmie bread."

"Ah, Arcane! Good to see you." Crispy reached over and grabbed a loaf of pumpernickel bread off the display case, where heating crystals were keeping it warm. "You know, the guards were just in here looking for you."

"They were?" Placing a few bits on the counter to pay, Arca picked up the bread in his magic and unceremoniously took a bite off the end of it. "I coulda told them I was here if I knew that. I wonder why they needed me."

"They were in a rush, but apparently nopony at the castle knows where you are."

Arca blinked, his muzzle already eating at the soft, porous insides of the bread, which was the best part. "No, that's not possible. I told Celestia I was going out for the day, and gave her an address, AND a timetable. I wrote it all down and put the paper in the box on her desk!"

"What box? You forget I've never been in the castle, unlike you."

"Oh. Celestia has two boxes on her desk with paperwork in them. I put the note in the box labelled 'Out' because I was going out for the day."

Crispy, who had worked in his family's bakery his whole life and had never heard of an in or out box, nodded. "I suppose that makes sense."

"Yeah, although I didn't have any paper on hoof so I used one from Celestia's desk. I hope she doesn't mind."

"HEAR YE, HEAR YE!" A crier called out from outside, catching the pair's attention. "PRINCESS CELESTIA HAS ISSUED AN OFFICIAL ROYAL PROCLAMATION!" The young colt looked down at the paper he had been given. "IT READS AS FOLLOWS: I AM GOING TO THE HOME FOR LOST FOALS FOR THEIR CHARITY SALE. I HOPE TO SEE YOU THERE. ALSO PLEASE GET ME SOME CHAMOMILE FROM THE MARKET, MY SUPPLY HAS RUN OUT AND IT WOULD MEAN A LOT TO ME!"

"Hey, I wrote that, not Celestia!" Arca groaned, watching all the ponies in the market make a beeline for the stands that sold flowers, hoping that they would get in the princess's good graces. Other ponies rushed toward the orphanage, hoping to meet Celestia there. "Welp, I better head back to the charity sale."

Arca returned to the charity sale to find the place mobbed. High ranking nobles were arguing over who got to adopt one of the foals. Others were swarming Celestia, who had, after hearing the announcement, decided to save face by cancelling her afternoon off to attend the event. Much to her annoyance, though, she was dealing with an increasingly large pile of chamomile flowers, and on top of that, she had to call the special guard contingent that often helped care for Mr. Splinters so they could get the scary timberwolf away from the nobles.

"Hey, Princess-Boss! You got me chamomile!"

Celestia's Journal, January 10, 37 ANM

For all his chaotic antics and uncoordinated ideas, Arcane does manage to push things in the right direction more often than not when it comes to sciences and magical studies. However, on rare occasions, he manages to make the stars align to cause good things for all involved.

Today the Home for Lost Foals had its entire population of colts and fillies adopted by the nobility. I was… let us say, unaware that I had an appointment there, but it worked out in the end. The number of foals that got a shot at a much better life today was staggering, and I have put measures in place to make sure they are taken care of instead of just kept as a means to curry favor with the crown.

Also, Canterlot is suffering a slight chamomile shortage, which is usually only a concern to potioneers due to their medical use. It shouldn't last long, but with the surplus the castle has acquired through… generous donations, we have been able to send most of the surplus to hospitals and clinics across the city. And what's more, after Arcane experimented on some of the excess, it actually makes for a splendid tea! It has calming properties, as well, so I will make sure Arca comes to like it. I need all the help I can get.

Author's Note

Any time Arca goes missing, regardless of time period, is IMMEDIATE cause for alarm. Because for all the good he can do, an unsupervised Arca tends to lead to an explosion that probably could have been prevented.

Entry 10: The Itch

February 20, 38 ANM

I wonder if I can convince Celestia to call this month Febrewary.

Anyway, I've got a problem. And… I'm not sure how to describe it. The castle's been quiet for the past couple days, since we're having some water issues I haven't been able to make any potions. And I feel… itchy, for lack of a better word. Really, really itchy, but not in a physical sense. I can't scratch it. It has no physical spot.

No, I'm not having an allergic reaction, believe me, I checked.

So, I went to see Celestia. Usually in these kinds of situations, she has experienced something similar, so she has some sage advice. Note to self: stock up on sage. Anyway, the meeting was very informative. I learned a lot of things.

The door to Celestia's room creaked open in the late evening. Celestia sat up, it wasn't like her guards to walk in unannounced, so she had to be prepared for anything.

In this case, 'anything' was Arcane Catalyst, who was shivering slightly and actively seemed sick. Some of his color had faded, he was sweating a bit, and there were bags starting to form under his eyes. "Princess-Boss? Do you have a moment?"

"Arca!?" Celestia was on her hooves in an instant. Here was one of her smartest and closest friends, despite his antics, and he looked like he was about ready to pass out. "What happened? Are you alright?"

Arca looked up, his movements slower and less erratic than normal. "I… I don't know. I can tell that something is wrong, but I don't know what. I haven't been sick in decades, and my spare dose of Grand Panacea didn't even work, so it's not an illness. I just feel so…"

"...itchy?" Celestia asked, finishing his sentence for him. Arcane's eyes went wide, blinking a few times.

"How- how in Tartarus did you know that?"

"Frankly, Arcane, I'm surprised it took you this long to start feeling it. Come here," she patted her bed with one hoof, quietly casting a soundproof spell on the room. "And take off your lab coat. I need to speak with Arca the alicorn, not the Arca my subjects know."

Arca looked around the room warily. It broke Celestia's heart to see him so scared about something he should have been proud of. Seemingly satisfied that there was no other creature in the room, Arcane Catalyst removed his lab coat and hung it on a nearby hook, revealing both his cutiemark, a shimmering red gemstone with a spiral pattern, and a pair of wings, which were horribly unkempt and in need of preening. Clambering up onto the bed, Arca let out a dejected sigh. "I hate this. I hate these," he remarked, flaring a wing out. "But, for you, I will reveal these… deformities."

"And you know I couldn't care less about what tribe or even species you are," she replied, nuzzling him. "Anyway, you said you were itchy, yes?" A nod. "Luna and I have the same problem. It's because we're not doing what we're supposed to do."

"I don't follow. Did I break a rule?"

Celestia wanted to jokingly point out that he'd broken at least a dozen by walking into her room unannounced, but this was a serious moment. "No. Why don't we test that brain of yours. I get itchy if the sun isn't in the sky by the time it should be, and it gets worse the longer I delay. Now, why do you think that is?"

Arca pondered for a minute before the answer fit him. "You're the alicorn of the sun."

"Indeed I am."

"So if you don't raise the sun…"

"It's like a warning system, Arca. It is my duty to raise the sun every morning and set it every evening. When I don't, my body lets me know, the same way my body lets me know when I'm hungry, or tired, or sore. For Luna, she got antsy when the moon is off-schedule. To this day I make sure it's on time, if only to make her time on the moon a tiny bit less painful. So tell me, then. What duty is Arcane Catalyst, the alicorn of innovation, ignoring?"

"Potions?"

"No."

"...bloodletting?"

"Bloodletting isn't the answer to everything amd you know that."

Arca placed a hoof to his chin in thought. If it wasn't either of those, it had to be something recent. Something directly correlated to when his 'itch' started. "...the rockslide. It redirected the river and caused the water shortage."

"And Canterlot will be in danger if somepony doesn't invent a solution." Celestia smiled. Already she could see the negative effects reversing as the gears turned in her alchemist's head. By the time he was done, he wouldn't even realize the 'itch' was gone.

"What if we built an aqueduct? No, that would take too long. Clearing the rockslide would cause too many problems logistically, so the best solution would be to try something with the river itself, but that wouldn't be good either because then we'd need to UNdo that once the rockslide is cleared." Arca was off the bed and pacing about. The solution was right there, his magic was nudging him in the right direction, he just needed to-

"THE MELTWATER!"

"Elaborate?" Celestia hadn't gotten off the bed, but she was smiling. This, this was the Arcane Catalyst she knew.

"The snow on the peak of the mountain drips down through the ground and into the caves under Canterlot like a natural filter. There's a lake down there! Remember? We used the island in the middle of it for the ritual to make the Philosopher's Stone and oh my stars I just realized how I can reuse that spot because the leylines are still twisted there. Be back later, Princess-Boss! I'M GONNA GO SOLVE A DROUGHT!" Without a further word, Arca was back in his lab coat and out the door.

Celestia got up from her bed and trotted over to the window to lower the sun. She didn't let it show, but her conversation with arca had taken her past when sunset was supposed to be, and she had been getting 'the itch' as well. Hers happened a lot faster, too. With that settled, she poured herself a glass of wine.

And then a knock came at the door. "Your Majesty?" A guard called from the other side. "A geyser just erupted in town square. The guards have already called a code Orange."

"Oh, buck me."

…So it turns out that if I'm not following my heart by making potions, especially NEW potions, my destiny is to innovate. To create. My cutiemark is pushing me to move the technology and magic of this world forward. Sounds like a fun hobby! And it gives me an excuse to cause explosions, since the biggest part of innovation is learning from your mistakes in experiments.

And I solved the water problem! See, the spot where I kinda-accidentally made and fused with the Philosopher's Stone has some REALLY potent magic as a side effect. Enough to let me mess with gravity. So I set up a permanent enchantment on the ritual site. There's a reverse waterfall, kinda like a geyser, shooting up to the roof of the cave, which is right under town square! A bit of digging and boom, fresh water for everypony. Celestia said she was proud of me, and we're gonna make a structure to help hold the water so the market isn't soggy all the time. She called it a 'fountain', and I bet it'll look great in town square.

On a side note, I'm itchy again. But this time it's because I accidentally invented itching powder.

Author's Note

And once Again Arca simply does a science and innovates a (helpful) disaster.

Celestia should know better, but she also knows how hard it is to stop 'the itch'. It's part of why she lets Arca go wild on his experiments.

"Continue testing." -GlaDoS