The adventures of Bumbaclot by Feefle (Don't mind the "where"'s)
Once upon a time there was a guy who was human named Bumbaclot. He lived in the land of poners for some reason that I cannot explain.
The poners didn't seem to care that he looked like a skinny shaven monkey with the
ability to speak and have a name as amazing as Bumbaclot.
Bumbaclot didn't really have many friends, however he did live in Princess Celestia's
prestigious refrigerator. Which is an amazing place filled with everything that is cool and stuff. He liked the cold because he was originally from northern Canada.
One day, Bumbaclot really had to go to the washroom, but first he wanted to find
something that I cannot explain. If he didn't fulfill his destiny, he would
not be able to go to the washroom. Therefore this story is a matter of life and death
and should be taken seriously.
Bumbaclot set out to look for "her" for help. He didn't know her name, but I think it used to be Twilight Sparkle. No one in the land of poners knows what you're talking about when you mention that name. So instead, you probably have better luck saying "her",
you can only imagine how difficult it must be to find this nameless individual.
The reason why she changed her name to nothing is because she began an obsession
for peabnut bubber and cheese. She stole a ribbon from Rarity and superglued it to the
back of her head while she was staring at Applebloom who was trying to get her head out from a well. Her butt mark also changed from a magical star thing, to a simple peanut. Which is pretty cool.
Bumbaclot could not find her, she must have been fishing for peabnuts at the end
of the world which is pretty cool and scary at the same time.
Bumbaclot thought to himself, he wondered if anyone else could help. He looked through his list of friends, one of them being the lazy princess who did nothing but eat bananas and chicken nuggets all day. He thought the importance of this quest would probably get that lazy woman off the couch. He went and told the princess what was wrong, all she did was bounce bananas against a trampoline taped to her wall and caught them with her mouth.
She said "If you where a banana, where would you go to find the king of all bananers?"
Bumbaclot replied, "You could probably find him in my quest. If you come with me, I guarantee we will find the king of all bananers. And if we don't, I'll just fall asleep on you so you don't get a tummy ache from one of your episodes."
She agreed, and then proceeded to get up. She could not move without getting three thousand heart attacks, so she fell asleep. "Oh well" said Bumbaclot.
Bumbaclot was getting desperate, he really needed to go to the washroom but still hasn't begun the journey. He looked through some more poners that he knew.
Pinkie Pie was insane and would be nothing but a burden on his quest, she would also try to light his hair on fire. Bernie AKA Fluttershy was afraid of peeled grapes, Rarity would be drinking railroad soda which would make her really sleepy, and Milk AKA Applejack would just make him constantly count her freckles.
There was one more poner that Bumbaclot could consider and that was Rinbow Slish.
She changed her name by accident when she flew into a giant pickle jar. Derpy made it so she could have her own personal swimming pool with all the pickles she could eat.
Rinbow Slish lived in that very pickle jar. She swam with Derpy all day every day and drank pickle brine.
Bumbaclot approached the giant pickle jar and yelled "Hey Derpy, have you seen Rinbow Slish?". Rinbow Slish popped her head out from the pickle jar, she said that Derpy wasn't even here. Bumbaclot felt like a fool.
Bumbaclot told Rinbow Slish of the situation. She said she would come with him but first she had to grab some extra pickles for the adventure. Bumbaclot waited for about six hours, all he could see was Rinbow Slish appearing and disappearing in the cloudy pickle brine, swimming through it like a nervous fish. Finally, after holding her breath for six hours she popped out from the brine. She said she couldn't find any pickles and was extremely unhappy so she started crying.
Derpy appeared off from the horizon with a big bag of cucumbers ready to be pickled.
She came up to Bumbaclot, grabbed his shirt with her mouth and ate it. This is completely normal to Bumbaclot, Derpy regularly eats his clothing, except for his underwear for obvious reasons.
Rinbow Slish asked Bumbaclot if they could wait for the cucumbers to be pickled. She said it would take about a month or so. Bumbaclot replied "I've been holding it for over six hours now. I think I am going to explode." "Fine, we'll go without any pickles, but don't complain when I start pickling everything we see on the way" said Rinbow Slish.
And so, Bumbaclot and Rinbow Slish finally set out on their journey. They didn't know exactly where to go so they just wandered around like simple minded animals relying on instinct.
But then, all of a sudden, they found "her". She was sleeping on top of a lonely chimney. Bumbaclot yelled out "Hey... you! Wake up!" She got surprised from the sudden noise and fell through the chimney. She landed at the bottom and rolled out covered in soot. Then the chimney collapsed and fell down behind her with great hilarity. Everyone laughed so hard that Bumbaclot ended up going in his pants.
She felt bad for Bumbaclot, so she removed the soiled pants from him, pulled off her tail (It was fake), and wrapped it around him. Bumbaclot felt great, he asked her if he could keep the tail. She said she didn't have any extra tails but whatever, it's all good. "I could just attach a cheese log or something as a substitute."
Bumbaclot asked her if she wanted to go on his journey with Rinbow Slish. "I would love to go with you. But first I have to sing my "Going-on-an-adventure" song." "Is your song really long?" asked Bumbaclot. "Nope" she replied. "Ah-hem... *Inhales* Sheeeeeeeeee... sheee sheeeeeee sheshe sheee sheeeeeee sheshesheeee she."
"That's it?" asked Rinbow Slish. She nodded and they set off.
They threw each other instead of walking, that way they wouldn't get tired. "This was a great idea Rinbow Slish" she said. "Now I don't have to worry about excercising and losing weight. I love my weight, it's what makes me beautiful". She proceeded to devour a big hunk of fattening cheese. It was disgusting and beautiful at the same time to Bumbaclot. Disgusting because it looked revolting being eaten, but beautiful because Bumbaclot hated the sight of cheese.
Bumbaclot and his crew tossed each other for several hours, not really getting anywhere. Bumbaclot thought to himself "Maybe this adventure is pointless, maybe my life is already complete living in Celestia's fridge amongst all the poners." Then Rinbow Slish's insanity began to kick in. She started pickling trees and flowers, attempting to make something to eat for herself that resembled a pickled cucumber.
Bumbaclot and her tried to restrain Rinbow Slish but she overpowered them by trying to pickle them. Bumbaclot and her where covered in brine and smelled like old garlic and vinegar. "Well, at least you don't smell like cheese anymore" said Bumbaclot to her. Rinbow Slish flew off into the distance pickling everything along the way with her magical jar of pickle brine.
Now there was only two of them left. Bumbaclot said "Oh forget it, let's go home. We'll never make it." "Don't give up Bumbaclot, you should do whatever it is you had to do." replied her. "But this adventure has no real purpose, the reader doesn't even know what it's about". exclaimed Bumbaclot.
"Oh, whatever let's go home then. I am tired and dizzy from being thrown and smacking my head against the ground for hours." "Mmmm' kay."
And so, Bumbaclot and her went home. Their quest was a complete waste of time.
The End
