Road Trip

by MisterNick

Rating: teen
Tags: Random, Adventure, Maud Pie, Ember, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Other, Treehugger, Comedy
Length: 8272

Tom and Harmony are on vacation. Just how much trouble can a sentient rock and the Tree of Harmony get into?

Tom (the rock) and Harmony (the tree) are on a trip when disaster strikes. Now the pair are looking to get home but the road back may be a bit longer than either planned.

This story was written for the Season 9 Bingo Writing Contest

My dance card was as follows:

Ancestral Lands
Baltimare
Fillydelphia
The Tree of Harmony
Dragonlands

Published 2019-04-04 18:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-04-13 09:36:31 UTC

Started With a Big Bang

The E. S. S. Pineapple Princess was one of Equestria's finest luxury liners. It had all of the modern accessories, safety features and entertainment options that any creature could want. It even had a late night fireworks show. So, when the vessel exploded two days out from port it made headlines around the world.

It wasn't just that the boat had exploded that caught the attention of papers. It was the fact that every single occupant on that ship had survived. When readers discovered how much damage had been done to the vessel and how quickly it sank it was darn near miraculous that there were any survivors.

Over the next few days passing boats sailed by to pick up the stranded ponies, griffons and other species. During the rescue mission both rescuer and rescuee noted the large tree floating in the water with a boulder perched upon it. Occasionally they would hear a disembodied call for help but when nobody could be found the ship would inevitably turn away and leave the boulder and tree floating in the sea.

As the last boat drifted over the horizon the tree lifted its upper half and said, "Well that's the last of them. Looks like we're on our own."

"Oh that's just fine. Just great," muttered the boulder as it rolled further back on the tree's trunk.

"Now Tom I warned you that this wouldn't work. Once they didn't see anything they recognized that would be shouting they were out of there. At least I managed to use my magic to shield them from the blast." The tree gauged the horizon and sighed, "Looks like we'll have to swim."

"Swim," questioned Tom who rolled up closer to the upper half of the tree, "Do I look like I can swim?"

"Fine. I'll swim, you just hold on."

"How do I, a boulder do that ol' pal?"

If the tree had eyes it would have rolled them in response. Instead it wrapped a couple of the sturdier branches around Tom. Slowly it began to wiggle its roots and other and began to do a respectable back stroke through the rolling waves. Tom, who was less than pleased at the situation however muttered, "It's all your fault anyway."

"What do you mean my fault," said the tree as it stopped stroking.

"Ancestral pony lands for a vacation spot? Harmony, I swear you've lost your nut sometimes."

"I work with a lot of ponies. I was and still am curious," replied Harmony indignantly, "Besides you blew up the boat."

Tom squirmed indignantly on Harmony's trunk, "First off we were stuck in the luggage room and I wanted to check out more of the ship."

"Good luck with the stairs."

Tom ignored that and continued, "Second how was I supposed to know they would have steel chains down there."

"And you just had to..."

"When you see steel you fight it! That's the rock way," exclaimed Tom. It sighed and tilted to one side, "How was I supposed to know that somebody put the fireworks nearby as well."

Harmony resumed paddling as a lull fell over the duo. Slowly but surely they cut through some waves and rode others. Even the monsters of the deep stayed away, perhaps confused at the odd pair that made their way over the dark ocean waters.

Tom set their course as best as it could. Being a boulder with an occasionally "magnetic" personality had its uses. Yet, in spite of its usefulness it did have its limits and when night had fully fallen and the moon hung larger than either could have recalled they both agreed to ride the current for awhile. Tom new that even a magical tree had its limits and that it was best not to push them, especially in the ocean.

"Hey Tom," began the tree quietly.

"Yeah?"

"Is it true, you know, that you know where the ponies came from before Equestria."

"I wouldn't have said it if I didn't."

"Where?"

"Why," answered Tom sounding tired even though it was unlikely what with him being a boulder.

"I just need to know," said Harmony as one of its branches swiped at the water gently, "After all if I or we ever attempt this trip again I want to know where to go."

Tom grumbled inaudibly before finally saying, "Well okay but just don't let it get around. Some of those caller vines I hear can't keep a secret."

"It's safe," replied Harmony excitedly, "Tell me."

"Okay well earth ponies come from the land of Akitt. It's a hilly land that at the time was ruled by a magical cat. They left seeking to get out of the nip trade."

"Okay," said Harmony with some suspicion.

"Now unicorns as anyone could tell you came from a land who was named after its ruler. His name was Scot."

"Scot? What kind of name is that?"

"Now he was a ram of great importance and was able to control his lands with something called whiskey and the love of a good scrum."

" ... What?"

"It wasn't until his wife, Bonnie chucked a caber at him, missed, and hit the lock on the paddock that held all the unicorns captive that they were able to flee to freedom and Equestria."

Harmony didn't answer. It was afraid to answer. There was no way that any part of that tale was true. No place called Scotland could possibly exist. Yet, with a wave of one its branches the tree beckoned for Tom to continue.

"Now the pegasus race actually ruled themselves though it was a tyrannical rule. They came from the Ponies Republic of Saucer and ..."

"Okay that's enough."

"What? I didn't even get to the part where they arrive in their flying ships and their leader crashes into a volcano," replied Tom insistently.

"Look, I may be a tree but I don't need this much fertilizer in my life."

"Well I'll tell you one thing you might want to believe," said Tom as he settled back on Harmony, "If you look straight to the west there you'll notice the skyline is much lighter than before."

Harmony focused in that direction. Tom was right it was much brighter, "Is that..."

"Baltimare. It's the city of the fish and VD."

"We're almost ...," the tree began excitedly before turning a questioning gaze to Tom, "VD?"

"Ventriloquist dummies. Scourge of your kind and play rooms everywhere. Let's get paddling but if you could try not to hit the docks."

"Why not the docks?"

"We'd only end up under them and the last thing I need is a case of lobsters," said Tom with a shudder.

The night was dark, as it often was when several passing clouds crossed in front of the moon and dimmed its light. Fortunately for the pair they'd managed to make landfall just past the docks on a small beach. Tom slowly rolled up the sand as Harmony followed, its roots twisting along and propelling it much like the tentacles of an octopus might across the sand. For a time neither said anything to the other as they made their way to the train depot that waited by the dock.

Tom considered the freight cars quietly. They were the easiest way to travel but presented a series of problems. The most obvious being how was to get in. The boulder figured that maybe the tree could lift it up and in but, even then the ponies would likely attempt to chuck them off as soon as they were discovered. The second issue was that neither of them knew just where any of these cars were going. As Tom considered those points it turned its attention to Harmony and noticed that the tree was looking significantly more droopy than normal. "Hey Harmony are you okay? You look ... not so good."

"Sea water is bad for trees," said Harmony, "That includes magical ones."

"So what do you need to be okay," asked Tom as it scanned the depot.

"Fresh water would be good. Some sort of nutrient rich earth might be nice too," said Harmony, "This ground is too ... it's seen better days."

Without a word Tom slowly began to roll through the train yard and scanned it for anything useful. The tree followed it as they made their way between train cars and various shipping containers. It wasn't until they neared one of the large warehouses close to the ocean near a partially filled train car that they stopped. "Here we are," said Tom.

Harmony noticed the small t shaped piece of metal that jutted out of the ground about two hundred yards away. A shudder ran up the tree's trunk as it noticed Tom roll back just a bit. Harmony quickly shifted its attention back to its travelling companion, "No Tom! I know it's metal. There's a lot of it here but please let's not ..."

Tom launched itself forward as hard as it could toward the small metal t at a speed that Harmony didn't think the boulder was capable of achieving. As quickly as it could the tree set after its travelling companion and demanded it roll back to it that instant. Tom, however would not be denied.

Tom struck the small metal t with a loud crack and sent it careening into the wall of the warehouse and left a hole in the wall. No sooner had the small t been dislodged when a loud rumble shook the ground beneath them. Tom quickly pulled back and before Harmony could ask a geyser of water shot out from the spot where the small t once stood.

The water fell and splattered along the dirt and gravel of the train yard as Harmony positioned itself under the spray. Quickly the tree's roots snaked about and began sucking up as much water as it could. "How did you know that would happen," asked Harmony as it drank.

"I've rolled around enough to know what those little metal things hold in 'em," said Tom as it rolled back further with satisfaction, "You're welcome by the way."

"Thank you Tom," said Harmony as its roots sucked up the pooling water. "I do have to wonder how long it's going to take before someone notices what's going on. Anything like this is sure to draw attention."

Tom scoffed at the notion that anybody would notice by the time the left. In truth however, the rhythmic tapping of the water on the ground had garnered attention from the darkest corners of the ocean side train yard. From those shadows the most daring members of the pincer packing population scuttled their way to the rhythmic sounds of the falling water.

The clicking of their chitinous across the ground slowly roused caught the boulder's attention. Tom silently rolled a few more feet away from its companion to see what the clicking was. The clouds parted and to his horror he saw them. Crabs. Dozens of them all headed directly for him. The rock froze in place as they neared. It wanted to shout, call out a warning but it couldn't.

Suddenly a light sprung from the other side of the train cars. "What in the name of Tartarus ..." began the loud gruff voice as it hurried toward the car. His pace only stopped when a small dim glow from the other side of the train car was followed by the appearance of a familiar purple alicorn who strode quietly from around the car, a large yet pleasant smile plastered on her face.

The flashlight wielding pony gasped as his jaw dropped at the sight of the particularly shiny princess standing in front of him. "Oh hello," she said sweetly to the security guard, "I didn't know you were here."

"Princess Twilight Sparkle," he asked as he took a half step back. The figure nodded to him which prompted him to ask, "What in all of Tartarus are you doing near what looks like a busted fire hydrant at night in a Baltimare shipping depot?"

The shiny Twilight continued to smile vacantly then blinked once before answering, "I'm here ... to help a friend ... with a very important friendship problem."

"At the depot?"

"Yes," replied Twilight, "After all acts of friendship can happen anywhere at any time. Sometimes the kindness that can be extended between two ponies..."

"Oh jeez," bellowed Tom as its voice trembled in fear, "I've got crabs all over me and they're on you too!"

From behind the train car several loud smacks echoed through the night. The shiny Twilight continued to stare vacantly at the guard. "W-who's that," stammered the flashlight pony.

"My friend," replied Twilight as various crunching and squishing sounds came from the other side of the train car, "Apparently we have crabs."

The flashlight pony's eyes widened and the color left his face. His eyes darted about quickly before focusing on a point just beyond the purple alicorn. "Well my brother was in the navy and he told me ... look ... just ... hit them with some medicated shampoo and you should be fine."

"Why thank you," said Twilight as she approached the flashlight pony, "You're a good friend! Would you like a hug?"

"No no," said the pony as he took a few more steps back, "You have more than enough to deal with!"

"Well thank you regardless," said Twilight.

"Of course. Anything I can do ... well almost."

"Actually ... there is something."

It took very little to convince the security guard to have the tree load the boulder and it on to the nearest available train. It was common knowledge that when a vacant eyed princess asked something of you it was done. Not only that, you did it without question at double time.

No sooner had they been loaded on to the train that it blew its whistle and was on its way. The train pulled coil cars, flat cars, refrigerated cars and various boxcars. In the boxcar closest to the caboose Harmony and Tom sat quietly among various parcels until they were certain that they wouldn't be disturbed. After a long period of silence Tom piped up. "No direct line to Ponyville," he muttered.

"Well what do you expect," asked Harmony, "It's not the biggest city out there. However, I figure after one or two switches we'll be on our way."

"Beautiful," said Tom quietly, "We don't even know where we're going right now."

"Well, at least we're away from the ocean and those cr..."

"Don't even say that word," said Tom with a shudder.

"You know I never had seafood before," said Harmony, "It was really quite good. I may have to try it again when we get back."

"Well, I'm glad you're so content," said Tom as he rolled toward the door where he sat.

"You know... I don't recall a thank you for skewering those ... c - words off of you. I mean ... it was rather nice of me."

Tom shifted where he sat and muttered something quietly. In response Harmony raised one of its lower branches to this side of its upper trunk and tilted its top in the rock's direction. "I said thank you," replied Tom with a grumble.

"You're welcome. Good manners will get you everywhere."

The pair fell back into silence as the train car rocked back and forth along the track. The seconds became hours and slowly, through the cracks in the side of the car the dim light of morning began to creep in. Tom, in its desire to get a lay of the land, bumped the door to the car a couple of times before turning toward Harmony, "I need to get a look and see just where we are."

"What's the magic word?"

Tom growled. It couldn't believe how difficult the tree was being. Silently he vowed never to go with Harmony to any beach, river or lake as long as it rolled. Finally, in a sweet yet sarcastic tone he answered, "Well, dear friend if you don't mind could you please open this door so that I might look out and get a sense of where we're headed? I mean at least that way we could get an idea as to just how far we have to go."

Harmony extended a branch to the door, "Why not at all friend. Glad to be of help." With a tug the door yanked open exposing the car to the early morning sun.

If Tom could have winced it would have. Harmony slowly slid over to the rock and gazed out of the car with it. The warm morning air rushed over the pair as they scanned the side of the rail for any indication as to just where they were headed. Yet, scan though they did as the pastoral landscape rolled by nothing presented itself. Tom rocked away from the door, tilted upward and shouted, "You know it would be nice to have some sign as to exactly where it was we were headed!"

A moment later Harmony tapped the rock with one of its branches. "How about that one," asked the tree as it pointed to a sign that officially read 'Fillydelphia Railroad - No Sleeping on Track.' Underneath that official pronouncement someone had painted the words 'by the way you're welcome,' under it.

"Ask and ye shall receive I guess," muttered Tom.

"It seems so."

"Well, it sure took us long enough to get to this point," said Harmony as the tree slid back into the train car.

"You know what this means don't you? It's time for a song."

"On the down beat," answered Harmony.

We're riding the rail to Fillydelphia

At least that's the end of the line (unless you count Ponyville)

This trek has been hard, this we'll say for sure

I'd bet you even money we'll meet Maud and Tree Hugger (of course)

Riding the rail to Fillydelphia

We hope that we make real good time

They say this is the town known for sisterly love

Of course all you ever hear are the boos from above

(Santa never had a shot)

We certainly do get around

Like a stud in early springtime we're Filly bound.

We're riding the rail to Fillydelphia

This train rattles more than a snake (hiss)

If we're diverted we'll just head into the Dragonlands

That certainly would put the kibosh on any of our plans.

Riding the rail to Fillydelphia

Things should turn out just swell.

If any evil tries to stop us we know we'll be just fine.

After all we've made all the way to season nine!

We certainly do get around

Just like Lombardi's trophy we're Filly bound

or a group of colonists looking to declare independence

from a distant king we're Filly bound!

Harmony Takes Fillydelphia

At some point during the train ride Harmony fell asleep. While Tom never really needed to rest the tree did find the occasional nap to be helpful. After all even the tree noted that sitting in a cave most of the time did become a dreadfully dull experience. It only made sense to spend periods of that time unconscious.

Harmony awoke with a start and noticed that the train was no longer moving. The tree stretched its limbs, muttered and asked if they were in Fillydelphia yet. However, when the tree got no response its gaze drifted in the direction of where it had last seen Tom. The boulder however, was gone and in its place sat a note.

Harmony quickly slid over to the note and speared it with its branches. How the boulder had managed to learn the fundamentals of writing without any limbs was beyond the tree's comprehension. Regardless Harmony read the note:

Harmony,

Sorry I didn't wake you up. It would have been impossible anyway . For a tree you snore unusually loud. How you do that is something I'll never understand.

Anyway, these weirdoes in tie-dye showed up while you were asleep. I don't think they were bankers because they didn't want a piece of me. That's a good thing. Anyway I'm going to be at their place near Take On Me Creek Park. Chances are you'll find it pretty easily.

Sincerely,

Tom

PS: Come quickly and bring pizza and chips. They might distract them.

Harmony felt several of its smaller branches twitch. Tom couldn't be serious. It was daytime. How could a tree simply waltz down the streets of a city and go unnoticed? What the heck were pizza and chips? Finally, and most importantly just how much trouble might Tom actually be in and where was this park?

The tree shook its upper branches in frustration. Then it focused on what it needed first and foremost. It needed a disguise. Harmony glanced about the boxcar quickly and formed the only plan it could under the circumstances. After several minutes of tearing and fixing pieces of its fallen brethren together, Harmony created what it considered the ultimate in sneakology. It was a large fragile cardboard box.

With its new getup the tree slunk out of the boxcar and wound its way past the work ponies. Its sight was limited to the small holes cut in the sides that various branches poked from and the direction it was going. Yet, in spite of the difficulty in visibility the tree made very slow and steady progress across the yard.

As it moved, Harmony silently cursed Tom. How dare that rock leave it alone in the car. It could have just as easily avoided detection behind one of the packages onboard . Now Tom could be in trouble, something that caused a sinking feeling in the trunk of the tree.

"Hey," shouted a gruff voice that froze Harmony in its place. If the tree could have gulped and then held its breath it would have. Instead it waited as a blue pegasus slowly flapped down in front of it, a newspaper in its mouth. "Winky did you see the news?"

From off to the side a more timid voice responded, "No I didn't have time to get the paper."

"Check it out, " said the gruff voiced pony, "Parasite Packing Princess Too Friendly For Own Good. I guess that friendship princess gets around eh?"

"Well, it says at the bottom that she denies the claim," replied Winky a slight yellow earth pony.

"Of course she does. She don't want it to get out that she likes a dude in Baltimare," said the gruff pegasus.

The conversation between the two ponies continued longer than Harmony would have liked. The entire time they spoke the tree's mind whirred as various uneasy feelings welled up within its trunk. This trip was a mistake. It knew that now. "Hey who left this box here," said the gruff pony as it swatted Harmony's flimsy cardboard disguise.

"I haven't the slightest," said Winky.

"Well, get a jack and get it outta here before the boss sees."

Winky muttered something about how the gruff pony should stay by it until he got back. The gruff pony simply snorted in response and said, "It's not like it's gonna walk off, besides I've gotta hit the head. We'll talk later."

Once they were gone Harmony wasted no time in propelling itself out of the train yard as fast as it could. What it found outside of the yard was more gray and rock than it had ever seen before. Fillydelphia may have been a large city but pretty it wasn't.

In the distance several smoke stacks peppered the horizon and belched out a blackish gray haze. No matter which way the tree looked it saw nothing but ponies hurrying to and fro, none smiling and some swearing under their breath at unseen others who in their minds had wronged them. Harmony felt ill. It needed to get away.

Quickly the tree in its box shuffled down the graffiti laden sidewalk. Desperation slowly began to leak through its bark and onto the box. The rapid slapping and sliding of Harmony's roots on the pavement were loud as the tree propelled itself forward toward the most awful sound it could imagine. It sounded like someone rhyming but to an off kilter and horrific beat. No sooner had the tree turned the corner that it plowed into what was making the sound and those that accompanied it.

"What the eff," shouted an angry voice.

Harmony stopped in its tracks and slowly turned about. In front of it stood five angry ponies. None of them looked particularly clean with their matted and ratty manes of multiple colors. Their vests and shirts were torn and grimy. The leader wore a bandana and glared at it with rage. "That was our tunes. We're taking it out of you right here and now!" The leader then pulled a large knife from his vest while the lackeys grabbed some bats and chains they'd left near the building.

"You're dead meat jerk weed," chimed in one of the goons.

It was an accident. Harmony knew it and if it were possible it would have explained it to them. Heck it might have even offered to fix the player. Yet, in that moment something shifted within the tree. Somewhere deep within it a flame began to burn. 'I am no weed. How dare they,' thought the tree. Tom could be in serious trouble, this city clearly hadn't even made the slightest attempt at being harmonious and these street tuffs were going to try and hurt that which had held back the Everfree and done what it could to facilitate a better world on its ill-advised vacation? It could not stand.

The tree reached down with its branches and lifted the front of the flimsy box disguise that quickly fell apart in its branches as it tugged. Bits of cardboard clung to the tree's branches as its elements shimmered with an angry glow in the direction of the thugs. The hidden element of magic slowly emerged from the tree's trunk and joined in.

The thugs stood dumbstruck. They quickly dropped their weaponry and began to back away quickly. "Hey no problem here buddy," said the leader as a satchel fell from one of his lackey's belts.

Dude my bits," he whined as the leader pushed him back.

"Leave them," shouted the leader as he bolted and dragged the lackey with him.

The glow quickly left Harmony as it examined the various objects left by the thugs, most importantly the bits bag. The tree had developed a working knowledge of what bits were after listening in on the various conversations of students at Twilight's school. The question of how much things cost however escaped the tree as it counted the coins.

It wasn't long before the tree felt as if it were being watched. It jerked its upper branches up away from the satchel and noticed that there was a rather sizable number of ponies staring at it with looks of both awe and concern. Harmony was in the open.

The tree couldn't run from these ponies. It certainly couldn't hide so it did the only thing it could think of and pointed at the broken music player that had previously pumped out the horrible noises, "Not harmonious."

The ponies looked about unsure as to what to do before the tree raised one of its branches, "I need a ride."

A pony dressed like some sort of office worker quickly ran to a yellow coach and threw open the door, "G-get in," she said after some argument with the driver.

"Thank you small pony," said the tree as it climbed into the cab and dropped the bits on the driver, "Take On Me Park and quick."

With a whinny they and some squealing tires they were off.

When the cab dropped Harmony off at the park it was clearly a bit away from where ultimately the tree wanted to be. Therefore Harmony trudged around the park's forest until it saw a large grassy clearing. The tree muttered to itself about the entire situation as it gazed at the homes from the edge of the park's forest.

The appropriate house was easy enough to find. Sitting in front of the entrance of one of the dilapidated buildings were two tie-dye clad ponies. One of them was staring up at the roof's overhang with his mouth open. The other was busy amusing himself with a trash can lid by spinning it. He whooped, hollered and clapped his hooves together as if it were the greatest thing he'd ever seen.

They didn't seem to pose too much of a threat however, one thing did. While the tree watched the pair more than one police vehicle passed by very slowly as if looking for something. There wasn't a doubt in the tree's mind that they were looking for it.

Whether it was the scene with the punks on the corner or the fact that it was a wandering tree and chances were no pony had ever seen a walking tree before were both very likely answers. Then again, it could have also been because maybe the tree had smacked one of the passing police vehicles with one of its branches for trying to pull them over which led to a six cart pile up. When Harmony thought about it that was the most likely reason.

The tree grumbled to itself about the situation and waited for the vehicle to pass. Tom may have started the trouble but the tree knew that it had made things much worse. At some point it would have to apologize and explain itself to the ponies of Fillydelphia. Maybe they'd understand.

For a moment Harmony felt itself relax and thought that it might be easy enough to reason with these odd ponies at the house. Yet, that moment passed when it saw a pony with a scruffy beard carrying a sledgehammer start to walk by. "Hey guys I got the hammer! Now we can smash 'em a good one," he shouted before entering the building. The two tie-dye clad ponies cheered.

There was no time for Harmony to think, it just acted. From across the large green field the tree charged the house. Tom was in trouble there was no doubting it. It cleared the distance in a matter of seconds and with a swing smacked the pony who had been staring upward.

"Hey," protested the trashcan lid pony feebly as the tree rushed by followed by an, "Oh ... okay go on."

Harmony charged through the house as its limbs flailed wildly knocking ponies left and right. It saw a statue of a prone pewter pony and it smashed it with a swing. When an odd orange metal thing waltzed it's way Harmony growled and zapped it with its elemental magic.

"Aw dude," whined one of the ponies, "It broke the princess dude!"

It was then Harmony saw the pony with the scruffy beard as it attempted to hide behind a lamp. "Where is the boulder you took from the train," demanded the tree.

The pony meekly pointed in the direction of the backdoor. Harmony turned about and looked out the large glass door and saw Tom sitting rather quietly next to a gray pony with lavender hair dressed in a rather conservative dress. Next to it was the largest piece of metal Harmony had ever seen and yet Tom wasn't attacking it.

Harmony was taken aback. There was no way that was Tom. "What in the..."

"Dude just like go out there or something," muttered the scruffy one, "He won't shut up about anything."

That sounded like Tom.

Harmony opened the backdoor and slid outside and heard Tom's voice. It was cheerful and not sarcastic. Something had to be wrong. "Tom," called out Harmony, "What in the actual..."

"Hey Harm," said Tom, "This is Maud. You know ... from the song."

"The rock said that he was building something big and I guessed a ship," said Maud, "I was half right."

"Okay first it can't build anything and ... the rock? Its name's Tom," replied Harmony.

Maud looked over at Tom, blinked once and said in an even tone, "Oh," that neither indicated acceptance or disappointment.

"We need to get out of here Tom they are going to smash you with a sledgehammer," said Harmony as it wrapped its branches about the boulder.

"No they're not," said Tom as it wiggled from the tree's grasp over to a large wooden bin of fruit, "It's for the watermelons. They're going to smash them at the party they're throwing. Some sort of harmony thing or something to try and get the city to be more ... you know friendly."

"Woah dude," called out a female voice from the house, "What ... who smashed the robot princess and the pewter duder?"

"Who ...," began Harmony.

"Tree Hugger is back," said Maud flatly, "I'll tell her what's up."

Harmony sat dumbstruck in the backyard as Maud headed back inside the house. Tom asked the tree what had happened but Harmony just stood in place unsure of what to do next. It wasn't long before Maud led a green earth pony outside.

It was obvious to Harmony that this was Tree Hugger. The green earth pony wore a flowery bandana and sported a faded red and orange mane. There was something about the pony that reminded the tree of dirt but it couldn't place what exactly. As she approached a small frown set on her muzzle, obviously unhappy as to what had happened within the house. Before Harmony could say anything the pony asked both it and Tom a question, "Like how do you two talk like us?"

"Friendship magic," replied Harmony.

"Chaos magic," said Tom adding, "Seems pretty obvious."

Tree Hugger nodded some, "You rock dude have an aura similar to Discord. Like you need to work on you chakras and find a center." She then turned to Harmony and cocked her head to the side a bit. The pony gently put its hooves on the tree's bark and hummed a bit. "You're not all here are you," she finally said.

Harmony pulled away from Tree Hugger while the others looked on at the tree. After several awkward moments of silence Harmony finally answered, "It really was the only way I could get away."

"What's that mean," asked Tom.

"Her aura is split in two it's almost as if...," Tree Hugger's voice trailed off and her eyes widened, "Whoa dude that's way not cool."

"What is it," asked Maud.

"I created a doppelganger of myself and left it below ground in the cave. It sits and sort of acts like I would for the most part but with a percentage of the power," said the tree quietly.

"I told you to just uproot yourself," grumbled Tom, "You can never completely get away from work can you?"

"If the ponies needed me I wanted to be available for them," replied Harmony as it dug at the ground sadly, "Instead I watched a ship sink, apparently caused a scandal, broke a music box thing, caused a six cart pile up involving law enforcement ..."

"And the house," chimed in Maud flatly.

"I thought Tom was in danger okay," rumbled Harmony, "How was I supposed to know that hammer was for watermelons?"

Tree Hugger raised a hoof. "Dude I get it. You thought your friend was in danger. You were willing to do what it took to save him. I can respect that."

"Really," asked Harmony.

"Of course," replied Maud as she reached into one of the pockets of her dress and pulled out a rock of her own, "I'd do anything for Boulder. He's my foundation. Sometimes I wish I could be as steady as him."

"You may have smashed up some things and done some damage but, things can be replaced. Good friends can't," said Tree Hugger as she put a foreleg around Harmony's trunk, "I totally get it dude."

If it were possible for Harmony to get misty eyed it would have done so. In that moment with sun starting to lower itself on the horizon the tree felt a universal acceptance that it hadn't felt since the trip began. It was even about to say something when a series of sirens echoed in the distance and some flashing lights started to flood the neighborhood.

"Uh-oh," said Maud in her usual flat tone, "I think today's events are about to come to a head."

"What do we do," asked Tom, "I mean I can make like a garden piece but they're gonna notice Harmony."

"Yeah, she is pretty unique," agreed Tree Hugger.

"Quick," said Maud as she opened the back of the cannon deftly, "You two get into the cannon."

The tree and rock stood still unconvinced for a moment. "Do it guys it's not like they're going to be too patient here," said Tree Hugger, "We'll stall as long as we can."

Tom, not needing anymore encouragement rolled into the cannon. "But, what about your house and all the damage I did," said Harmony, "Shouldn't I ..."

Tree Hugger raised a hoof, "It can be fixed. The spirits can be realigned and in time everyone will move on from this. Do good in this world Harmony. That's the best way to make today right."

The tree nodded and climbed in to the end of the cannon. Maud promptly closed the back of it and grabbed the rope for it. She then tugged it and with a concussive blast the boulder and the tree shot into the evening sky.

"How far do you think they'll go," asked Tree Hugger.

"Pinkie says this cannon could blast something to the Dragonlands," said Maud evenly, "In any case they're clear."

"Yeah. Okay let's go talk to the police. Maybe they'd like some watermelon."

Off with a Bang

If it weren't for Harmony's blast into the ground below that slowed their descent Tom and the tree would have been smashed to pebbles and pulp upon impact. Even so once the pair had managed to gather some semblance of the who and the what neither particularly wanted to move. So the rock and tree sat in their crater and surveyed their surroundings.

It was a hellish landscape. They were surrounded by dark black mountains. Several volcanoes leaked lava that flowed in an unending river of molten rock. "I think I should have slowed our decent a bit sooner," said Harmony.

"Why?"

"Well I mean this is ... obviously we've fallen at least a million miles straight to ..."

"No," said Tom as it slowly rolled over the lip of the crater, "It's nowhere near hot enough."

Harmony extended its branches out and wrapped them around Tom who rolled forward slightly and allowed for the tree to climb out of the hole. "Well if it's not ... there ... where are we?"

"Dracoterras."

"Gazuntite."

Harmony cocked its upper branches to one side, "I didn't say anything."

From the shadows of one of the rocks a blue dragon emerged. "I did. Name's Ember. I was the Dragon Lord of these lands."

"Well that stinks. Take it easy. We're trying to get back to Ponyville so ..."

Harmony swatted Tom and then asked, "Why the past tense?"

Ember raised an eyebrow, "You know the fact that I'm talking to a tree and a rock must mean I'm going nuts."

"No no," replied Tom, "It's totally normal. Just ask the residents of Fillydelphia."

Harmony swatted Tom again which caused the boulder to turn back about and bump the tree, "You're the one wanted for multiple felonies there not me!"

"You blew up a cruise liner!"

"Yeah? Prove it. I wanna see that court case," said Tom as it tilted up towards Harmony's upper branches.

Harmony tilted up and noticed that Ember had begun to walk away. "She's leaving," replied Harmony.

"Thank goodness she's a real chatterbox," said Tom, "Now, let's figure out how we're going to get back to Ponyville."

"You know," said Ember over her shoulder, "If you help me regain control of these lands ... I can help you get home. Just a thought."

Harmony hurried to catch up to the dragon without saying a word. Tom noted that some of the trees roots had small red crystals attached to them but said nothing of it. Instead it decided to follow the pair much to its chagrin. "This better be a quick story," said Tom, "I've got things to do."

Ember told her story as they traveled. A month had passed since the dread lich Ping Pong had seized her staff, the symbol of her authority, while she'd been away on a diplomatic mission. When pressed she later admitted that she'd gone to visit the changeling king for the Hive Hop and had wanted to dance with someone who wouldn't turn it into a contest.

"I wanted to do something fun and with less struggling on my partner's part," said Ember sheepishly.

"Gross," said Tom.

"Anyway, I was in the middle of the hully gully when Ping Pong summoned all of the dragons back here. In no time at all," Ember snapped her claw, "They'd been turned into zombies."

"What's a zombie," asked Harmony as the tree tried to shake the crystals off of its roots.

"Typically it's a creature that is raised from the dead and is forced to do its master's will."

"Oh you mean like when ponies are summoned to do work by the Cutie Map and have no choice but to do it right," said Tom.

"Sure," replied Ember with an eye roll.

The trio continued along a winding mountain path until they were looking down at a castle below. It was large and made of a dark granite. At the top of a central tower a robed skeletal figure stretched its arms to the sky. The wind carried it's maniacal laughter followed by a series of chants to some unknown source of power.

"Well it's been fun," said Tom, "I've gotta roll so ... yeah drop me a line tell me how it all went." With that Tom began to roll away.

"Come on Tom this is our chance to make up for all of the things we've done on this vacation."

"You're the one who feels guilty about what you've done. Not me."

"Come on," said Harmony.

"If he wants to go let him go."

"Wait a second," said Tom, "How come you call me a him. I'm a friggin' rock."

"Well, your voice is deeper where as the tree's has a more feminine and lyrical quality to it."

"Wait," said Harmony, "Are you saying I sound pretty?"

Ember blinked, "Is this really the time or place?"

The boulder and the tree both agreed that it wasn't. Tom continued to roll away as until the tree stopped it. "Please Tom. I'll be your best friend."

"I don't need a best friend who wants to stay rooted in one place. I'm a rolling stone Harmony. I gather no moss!"

"Okay if you do this for me you pick when and where we're going next and how."

"What about metal?"

"Smash as much of it as you like. I won't say a word."

Tom tilted a bit and looked at Ember who appeared to be drawing up some sort of plan. "I don't like her."

"Why?"

"She eats crystals."

Harmony poked the boulder, "So what?"

"I'm a White Castle rock okay? We have standards."

Harmony's small branches twitched violently. However, seeing that made Tom finally relent. After a minute or so the pair were back in front of Ember who started detailing her plan of attack and began to list all of the possible weaknesses she thought Ping Pong might have.

"Harmony," interrupted Tom.

"You know it's rude to interrupt," said Harmony.

"Slingshot me right now."

"What?"

"Do it."

Without another word the tree wrapped its branches around large rock and began to swing it. Ember ducked as the giant boulder swung faster and faster until finally the tree let it loose. Tom flew through the air toward the Lich who noticed all to late what was headed for him.

"Here comes the boom," shouted Tom.

Ping Pong shrieked and tried to move but wasn't fast enough. With a resounding crunch the giant boulder landed on the lich and smashed his upper body into dust. Tom turned about just in time to see the lich's legs roll up and then fade away under him leaving the Dragon Staff unclaimed.

Ember, with some effort, carried the tree down to the top of the tower. "Holy smokes! How did you know that would work?"

"Guessed," said Tom.

From within the castle and around its grounds much rumbling and grumbling echoed as the dragons awoke from their trance. When they were clear headed enough Ember explained to them what had happened.

"Well then this is a day of celebration," declared a purple dragon, "The evil lich at last is dead!"

Then as if on cue they began to sing:

Ping Pong the lich is gone

Now we'll sing a joyous song

Ping Pong the stupid lich is gone

Hey let's eat some gems

Then drink fire

And raid pig pens

Ping Pang Pong the lame-o lich is gone.

So it went and as the dragons celebrated and gifts and treasures were heaved upon the tree and rock. "Oh thank you all so much," said Harmony, "But honestly all we really want to do is go home."

Ember laughed, "To be honest you two could have gone home at any time."

"What?"

"Those crystals on some of the roots of Harmony there. They're return crystals. Just smash them and you'll be taken anywhere you want."

"Oh for the love of ...," growled Tom.

"Now now," said Harmony as it wrapped its branches about the boulder, "No need to grouse. We've done our good deed..."

"Let's go back to your house," said Tom.

Without another word Harmony slammed its roots on the ground smashing the crystals. Before the pair knew it they were tumbling back into the cave that Harmony called home only to be stopped by a big black crystal spike that protruded through the ground.

"The heck," asked Harmony as it examined it's cave, "What ... what happened here?"

If Tom could have blinked it would have as it tried to get its equilibrium back. "Looks like your copy got sloppy."

Harmony sighed and glowed as it reabsorbed the power that the doppelganger once held. The tree sat quietly for a bit before it muttered, "They probably think I'm dead."

Tom shook back and forth, "Dead you say?"

"I should somehow let them know that ..."

"What was it you said about anywhere I wanted to go back there?"

The tree slumped, "Now Tom honestly this isn't the ..."

"When, where and how," said Tom with a tone of satisfaction.

Harmony grumbled, "Fine. Where?"

"Follow me."

Tom led Harmony through the Everfree forest until the rock reached the foot of a cliff. Without a word the rock rammed itself against an outcrop of rock. Slowly the rock facade slid down and revealed a cave that Tom rolled into. Harmony followed Tom until they reached the end of the cave.

At the end of the cave was a large triangular metal construct that was pointed upward. The rock pushed another outcrop on the wall and the top of the cliff opened up. "Wh-what is this," stammered Harmony.

"Maud was partly right. I was building a ship but this isn't any ship. It's a spaceship."

"A what ship?"

Tom pressed a button on the side of the ship and made a door open, "I've pieced it back together from various bits I discovered while rolling around the forest."

"How? You haven't the ability to grab anything and you hate metal!"

"Chaos magic and ... I don't hate it when it serves my purposes."

The tree tried to protest but the rock reminded it of what it had agreed to. Harmony sighed quietly, "But ... what of the ponies? What if they can't ... "

The rock pushed a button and started up the music, "They'll find their way. They had before we got here. They will after."

A million suns shine down but I see only one

When I think of you I think I'm over you

I find I've just begun.

"Are you sure," asked Harmony as it slid toward the craft, "Shouldn't we bring someone with?"

"Unless some overly positive freckle faced kid or a surly drunk shows up there's no reason for us to bring anyone," said Tom, "Besides we did our good deed."

The years move faster than the days
There's no warmth in the light.

Without another word Harmony entered the ship. Tom pushed the button and shut the door behind them silencing the music. After a brief countdown the ship rumbled to life and blasted through the opening in the top of the cliff.

It was rough at first but once they were clear of the planet's gravitational pull, Tom and Harmony looked out the front of the ship quietly in awe. "It's so beautiful," said Harmony quietly, "But where do we go?"

"Where ever we want," said Tom, "Nothing can hold us back now."

... the same stars in the sky. The days seemed so much kinder when we watched them you and I.