Anon joins Grogar's Group (Dadonequus Discord)

by CrazedLaughter

Rating: mature
Tags: Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Tirek, Queen Chrysalis, Cozy Glow, Profanity, Random, Violence, Death
Length: 1503

Having been pissed off by Twilight one too many times, Anon decides to join Grogar's league of evil for some revenge.

Having been pissed off by Twilight one too many times, Anon decides to join Grogar's league of evil for some revenge. Of course, like everything else, it doesn't go as well as anyone could hope.

(This is not canon to the main story)

Published 2019-04-07 08:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-04-07 08:40:01 UTC

Let the evil commence!

Author's Note

Reminder, this is not canon to the main story

Let the evil commence!

And there you were, sitting among three other villains. You knew how you got here, you finally got tired of Twilight's shit. But goddamn, when Chrysalis invited you to this shindig, you did not expect some G1 reject to be running the whole show. This Grogar guy, apparently he’s the biggest of bads and the most ancient of evils, enough to even get Chrysalis shaking in her boots. To you? He was just some stupid goat who didn’t seem to enjoy the fact their were two foals within his court. Whatever, better than the shit you had to put up with back home.

“When you told me you had a powerful ally, I was not expecting yet another foal. Is this truly the best evil that Equestria has to offer? Why is he even here?” Grogar asked, his impatience already nearing its peak.

“Do not be fooled by his meager appearance. Anon here is capable of unspeakable evils and horrific acts that-” As Chrysalis spoke, she suddenly felt a tinge of fear upon meeting eyes with the powerful blue goat, causing her to shift her words towards Tirek. “That even Tirek isn’t capable of.”

“Also he’s my bewstest fwien-OMPH” Cozy Glow, seemingly happy that you were here, goes to give you the greatest hug she could muster, only to be bucked immediately by a defensive Chrysalis.

“Back off, worm! You have your own idiot, he’s mine!” Chrysalis barked at the young filly.

Tirek looked to Chrysalis, a smug look on his face as he leaned over the table. “Idiot, am I? I believe I was the closest to conquering Equestria. What did you do? Crash a wedding? Bahahaha, pitiful!”

You don’t know what it was, but his words stung. Chrysalis was indeed your friend at this point, and you would not stand for his shit. You hop up onto the table, and start barking angrily at the centaur. “Shut the fuck up, Tirek. You literally just stood there and ate skittles like a retard!”

Tirek actually was taken aback, surprised by your irritated action. Not only caused by your sudden verbal strike, but because he didn’t understand some of the words you had said to him. “What? What does that even mean?”

“It means you just stood there and let yourself get hit by a beam of friendship. I would have dodged it of course, what defeated me was actually impossible to evade compared to a straight beam. In other words... “ Chrysalis looked to him with a smug face of her own and simply said “Eat shit, you suck.” before holding out a hoof towards you. You chuckle, and give her a hoofbump.

Tirek actually looked hurt by those words, he was actually upset. He leaned back and shivered a tad as he mumbled to himself. “...Why does this hurt worse than Scorpan’s betrayal?”

“Enough!” Grogar bellowed as he stomped his front hooves on the table. “I tire of this nonsense! I demand to know what this foal can do! At least the other one is capable of powerfully evil schemes, this one only seems like an idiotic loud mouth. Again, why is he even here?”

“Well, he has a magical bag of tricks. And albeit his horn no longer works, his ability to do evil, as I said, is beyond what most would expect. As for why he’s here…” Chrysalis leaves it to you to further explain why she brought you over to this evil council.

“Twilight. got sick of her shit.” You state simply, brushing off your hoof adorably as you did so, a look of snoot on your face.

“Hm? So, the princess has garnered the hate of even children, has she? Tell me then, what did she do to you that caused you such anguish?” Grogar began to calm himself, becoming intrigued that such an angry little child could hold on to so much hatred. It was foreign to him, to see a foal so angry, and so he wanted to know more.

“Ok, so get this, the stupid tree of harmony thought that I needed to learn patience or some crap like that. And I was like ‘I am patient, and a goddamn hero. I don’t need to listen to your shit, you’re just some fucking tree spirit.’. But what does she do? She forces me to take her test anyway, and traps me behind a check-out line at Wal-Mart. Just drops me off there, just like that, and everypony in front of me was a goddamn old lady and-” But before you could continue, Grogar holds up his hoof to stop you, confused by your words.

“A Wal-Mart? What’s a Wal-Mart?” Grogar asked, then looked to Chrysalis “It sounds like some worthless shopping center ponies would build.”

“Well, actually, it’s a shopping center built where Anon is from. From some of the things he’s shown me, it seems rotting in Tartarus or suffering some horrid disease would be a better fate than entering such a place.” Chrysalis remarks.

“A shopping center? You expect me to believe a shopping center could foster such pain?” Grogar scoffed, unconvinced.

“Fuck you man! People have died waiting to get to the damn checkout! Wars have come and gone while having to wait for the cashier to count fucking pennies! And god help you that none of your shit is broken when you get up there, because you might as well hang yourself if you have to go all the way back to the line. And even then, those fat chicks on the motorized carts? One look and your dick commits suicide forever, it’s that fucking bad! And she forced me through it! So you know what I did? I went over to that goddamn tree, and jizzed all over it! But oooooohhhh no, when Twilight found out about that, it was apparently a big issue. How was I supposed to know liquidized lust would corrupt the tree and turn the Everfree into a giant tentacle rape forest? Serves it right for trapping me in that fucking line.” You exclaim, like a little ball of hatred and anger. “She made me give up my goddamn horn. What a bitch.”

Chrysalis just looked down and shook her head “Poor Sombra, he never stood a chance the moment he got the idea to destroy the tree.” As mournful as she looked, she suddenly chuckled evilly as a cruel smile filled her face “At least we know his rear isn’t endless darkness, bwhahaha.”

“So that’s why the forest suddenly came to life and did him in. Wait…” Again, Grogar was confused. “What is ‘tentacle rape’? I’ve not heard this term before.”

“Not important, so what’s the plan?” You ask, primed to take some revenge.

“My plan will demand your obedience and the obedience of your fellow creatures. Indeed, you all will need to learn how to coordinate yourselves and work together to bring my plan to fruition. Until then, you all don’t need to know anything yet. And if you have a problem with that, then you will see exactly why I am the most feared being in Equestria.” Grogar explained, standing tall to appear imposing to you all.

“Are you serious? Do you realize how easy it is to actually kill Twilight? Or do you just expect us to go with the usual grand scheme?” You ask, wholly unimpressed with his words. Like fuck, how many villains have said that shit before?

“I expect you to follow MY PLAN, you foolish foal. I will not show you mercy if you oppose me, so I suggest you calm yourself, and know your place.” Grogar looked down on you, demanding your obedience.

“Holy christ, nope, fuck this.” Almost immediately, you pull out a shiv from your mane and quickly strike Grogar right at his chest, and through his heart, killing him instantly before he could utter another word. He just falls forward, dead, easily defeated by violence at atleast TV-MA level. “I do not need to go through a complicated plan just to fail. So fuck it, I’m just gonna go shank a princess. Chrysalis, you in?”

“Sounds like a plan.” Chrysalis looks to you, and nods, slowly bringing her hooves together as her grin becomes one of a happy one. As if she could finally see her revenge coming to fruition.

“Cool. Gonna need somepony to pork along the way, so just take the filly and let’s go!” You say as you hop off the table, shaking your hooves to try to remove as much goat blood as possible, before stepping forward with determination on your brow.

Chrysalis just followed along, using her magic to drag along Cozy Glow as she begged out “WAIT! I DON’T WANT TO BE PORKED! I DON’T WANT TO BE POOORKED!”

And Tirek? He just stood there, utterly confused and bewildered. All he had to say was. “Wait, what just happened?”