Pets of Ponyville

“You're kidding me. You really, REALLY had better be kidding me, babe!” Angel gave Opal an askance glance, arms crossed over his chest while he considered the cat.

“Come on, darling, do it! We want this little amusing prank of ours to be played absolutely to the hilt.” Opal smiled hopefully and held out a large pet brush. They were both standing beneath Celestia's statue, the sun just past its zenith.

“It's bad enough I need to help my roommate brush her mane. And she feeds me! I'm not going to try to get that psycho bitch to sit still long enough for me to brush her whole body! That walking hairball is huge!”

“Now, darling... she's a very NICE bitch. Merely very energetic. You would not call Pinkie Pie psycho, would you?”

Angel tapped his chin. “Well...”

“Would. You?” Opal unsheathed her claws, digging them into the wooden handle of the brush, sinking rather easily into it. She also glared daggers at her lover, eyes going slitted.

“N-no! Of course not. Hey, come on veggie bun... you know me.” Angel approached Opal and drew her into a tight embrace, quickly muttering, “But I'm still not going to do it.”

Opal rolled her eyes and shoved the brush into his hands. “Just do it! Or somebunny won't be eating cherries out of the bowl he was expecting this weekend.”

Angel snapped a smart salute and placed the brush over his shoulder, like a good soldier. “I'll figure out something. Leave it to me, my carrot stick.” He turned to leave but called back, “Anything else you need me to do?”

“If you could, get her to roll in something pleasant, such as some flowers or perhaps a patch of wild herbs. Bathing a dog is... not the best of ideas when there is limited time. Meanwhile, I shall do my best to prepare our little Casanova. Just make certain she is here on time and that she does not, under any circumstance, come into town before the appointed hour.”

Angel nodded and then gave a splutter of his lips. “This is gonna be one of those days. There's just too much pressure in my day.”

“Well, Angel dear, that is what the princess dress and tongue depressors are for. You need only... wait.” Opal gave a saucy wink and languidly turned towards Sugarcube Corner.

Angel was off like a shot, madly hopping through the sparsely-populated streets of Ponyville, out into the farmland. Winona was waiting for him, but only barely. She was by the barn, fidgeting and running herself in circles, constantly looking out for the white streak. “Angel! Angel! You're back! Why did I have to stay here? Where did you go? What do you have there? Hey! I smell Opal! Were you bouncing her again?”

“Gaaaaaaah! Tact! Tact! Even I have it!” Angel dropped the brush, clawed his fingers and groaned to the sky. He then cleared his throat, slicking back his ears and picking the brush up again. “Ahem. I mean, no. I was there to get a brush and some tips on how to make this meeting go right. She wants me to groom you. And get you to roll in some flowers or some herbs or something.”

“Oh! Herbs! There are lots of those around the farm! Plenty of them. My owner has plenty of nice-smelling things growing everywhere.”

“Well, there's no surprise. But you need to roll in something before I can give you a brushing. And I can't believe that I, in my life, am saying this to anybody. I have spiraled out of control somewhere.” Angel slapped himself on the forehead and looked like he was getting a migraine.

“Ooh! Ooh! Ooh! I know! I know! I can take you to Applebloom's special herbs!” Winona snapped her head up and looked off into a distant part of the farm.

“”Special herbs”? Really?” Angel looked up incredulously and tilted his head at the dog. But it was too late, she was already running off. “Hey! Urrrrgh! Opal was wrong! I mean...” He glanced around wildly, looking a little fearful as he chased his fellow animal.

Winona ducked into a stand of trees that revealed a huge spread of plants, in neatly arranged rows. The dog sniffed slowly at the rows, tail wagging rapidly as she began to gingerly pick the plants from the ends and lay them slowly in a pile. “Here! Here! These special herbs.”

“Huh. You know, for a second I thought these would be a totally different sort of special herbs. I don't know why. Anyhow, just what kind of herbs are these and why are they tucked in here?”

“These are the herbs Applebloom got from Zecora. One of her tests for herbalism is to raise them. Mostly it's the cure for Poison Joke, plus a few more. She sends the Poison Joke cure to places, like Canterlot and a few little towns, wherever Applejack tells her. I guess it makes them some money.” Winona threw herself onto the pile, grinding her back solidly against the plants, working them into her fur, using the solidity of the hard-packed earth outside of the cultivated area.

Angel took a sniff of the ground mixture, wiggling his nose a little bit as the warm aroma swam around his his olfactory region. “Mmm, nice. Guess I can see why they use this junk in the spa. I prefer cat fur and carrots, but that's just me. Get on with it a little faster. I've got a LOT of brushing to do. And I'm only one rabbit. So let me get to it.”

“There's time! It doesn't take that long to brush me out. Fluttershy can do it pretty fast. She's really good at it. Didn't she teach you about that?” Winona looked across at the rabbit, seeming slightly incredulous.

“Hey! Come on, look at me! Yea, I'm HUGE when it comes to giving Opal the old buck-bounce, but I'm about as big as this stupid brush. It's not going to be very easy to get the job done. Wow. Never thought I'd be saying that either. This IS a weird day.”

“Now... I have brought you the one accessory piece that I believe will give you the proper appearance and draw together all your attire. You will be a Canterlot-ready classy gentlereptile.” Opal smiled, holding a monocle in her paw, letting it dangle from its chain.

Gummy stood before her, silent and inscrutable, occasionally giving a blink in his usual one-eye-then-the-other manner. He was beside his little tuxedo, which looked to have been pressed and cleaned, with a small top hat beside it. He opened his mouth and just let out a noise, the word, “Nice.”

“My word. You certainly are talkative today. That is excellent! No one likes a silent date. And Winona is a chatty bitch, much like your own Pinkie Pie. You must sweep her off her paws and win her heart with the force of your mighty personality and suavity.”

The little alligator glanced off, almost in two directions at once, in some semblance of the town mailmare. He opened his maw again and said, “Winona.”

“Yes indeed! That is the spirit, darling! Follow that feeling, cultivate those talkative instincts! Latch on tight and let it guide you. You can do this. You must! You must! You cannot disappoint the fair Winona, can you? Of course you cannot.” Opal's small burst of histrionics ended as she moved to the tuxedo. “Now, to dress. There may be much time remaining but if living with Rarity has taught me anything, it is that to properly dress a being requires endless fuss and focus.”

Gummy appeared to have no opinion on the matter, just standing and staring at nothing for a long, long moment. Then he scooted quickly over to Opal and stood up, bracing himself on his tail and his spread rear legs.

“Oh! My... yes. You CAN move rather quickly when the mood strikes you, can you not? Perhaps that should be part of your strategy of wooing? Prove you can match her manic energy and great lust for life! Surely that will impress the energized beauty.” Opal quickly moved in with a measuring tape, comparing marks made from measuring the attire to Gummy's body. “As ever, perfect. Rarity certainly knows her business.”

Gummy stood still for the measurement, as was his wont. His head was up, looking vaguely in the direction of the ceiling of Pinkie's garret. “Nice fit.”

“Of course. Now, hold those legs out and I'll get this wonderful piece of couture upon you to begin the process.” Opal took up the white shirt and slipped it around Gummy's body, sliding his legs through the sleeves and letting him get comfortable with it before she did up the small fasteners that held it on. “There. How is that? I don't want to to bind or twist under the jacket.”

“Perfect.” The reply was sincere, though the lack of expression on his face drained it of some of that sincerity.

“Wonderful!” Then came the tuxedo jacket, carefully slipped on and buttoned it up, adding the tie immediately afterward. Her deft paws were quite expert, making up the tie perfectly, resting it against the lowest part of his reptilian throat. “You look like a postcard.”

Gummy dropped back down onto all fours, blinking his eyes one by one. “Charming.” He dipped his head lightly, showing off the top.

“Oh! Of course! Your fine little hat.” She took up the tall top hat and settled it gingerly on Gummy's head. She brushed the top off and fell back onto her haunches with a smile. “Do you not look like a proper little canine-heart-breaker? Of course you do. Ahh, Winona will be wholly unable to resist your charm.”

“Monocle.”

“Pardon?”

“Monocle.” Gummy repeated, head turning just slightly to look at the lone accessory sitting off to the side.

“Of course. How careless of me.” Opal picked it up and clipped the end of the chain to the small pocket on Gummy's jacket. She settled the gold-circled lens over his right eye, slowly turning it left and right, to achieve just the right angle on the connection point of the chain.

Gummy stood there, attired like a proper gentlecolt, as often seen in the fashion magazines and other media. He did not seem overly impressed but then, he seldom did. He waddled his way over to a mirror to admire himself. In some sense. He mostly looked on the mirror in a manner functionally identical to his usual blank, glassy stare.

Opal came up behind him and adjusted the angle of his hat just slightly, adjusting it into a slightly more rakish tilt, a smile spreading on her face as she looked into the mirror. She hid her disappointment at the alligator's lack of response very well. “Yes. This is it. I'm almost disappointed it was so easy. Oh but that was mostly you. Seldom have I see such a wonderfully patient client. And didn't it all come together wonderfully?”

Gummy blinked in his usual way before responding, “Quite.”

Angel and Opal did their best to keep Winona and Gummy in place. It was easy to do with Winona. Angel had not been exaggerating about the difficulty of brushing the full-sized canine. He was operating under Opal's very specific instructions, requiring him to brush the rolled-in herbs, before he could even get to actually pulling the knots from the working dog's coat. And that was a complicated process given the difficult nature of her normal job. Even after that, there was the matter of actually brushing out the fur into a clean, properly-directed waving.

It was... unusual for Gummy. Gummy typically moved on his own schedule and in his own time. He could spend all day staring at a single point on the wall, if not moved around by Pinkie. He could also spend his day skittering about oddly, into all the nooks and crannies of Ponyville and near environs. His motivations were a complete mystery. That made Opal's job more difficult. She had to subtly move into his path, and keep him inside the garret.

At last, however, the hour was at paw. The sun slowly began to dip in the sky, prompting Opal to let Gummy out into the square. He needed very little prompting to skitter out through the bakery and out the front door, directly across to the square and to the great statue of Celestia. Opal was behind him to whole time, minding his outfit and making certain nothing spoiled the look of it.

She needn't have worried, however. Gummy was surprisingly agile and quick while walking about slightly elevated just on his feet, belly held up from the ground to not dirty the tuxedo in the slightest. He just scrambled up to the statue, climbed the base and stood beneath Celestia's rearing form.

They did nto have to wait there for very long. The barking was audible long before the annoyed ponies started leaping out of the way of the rushing ball of fur and slobber that charged through town, with a white streak charging behind her with desperate bounds. Winona was yapping her head off and burning out her natural energy with the power of her dash. “It's time! It's time! It's time! I'm coming! Here I am! Here I am!”

“Hey! Slow down! Slow down! I'm a rabbit, not Pinkie Pie! Get back here!” Angel was proving his stamina, not panting yet, despite not being quite as fast as his crazy charge. Still, he was pushing himself to the limit, using Winona's wake to keep himself from getting trod upon.

“Darling, no need to guard her any longer. The time is right.” Opal casually strolled away from the statue, slinking her way to a respectful distance and sitting down with a cheery smile.

Angel leaped away from Winona's wake and bounces his way over to Opal, grinning and pressing up against her. “Alright. Let the awkwardness begin.”

Winona galloped up to the statue and cast her eyes all around, eagerly panting. She looked high up, and around, until she finally looked down and to the center. “Oh hey Gummy! Have you seen him? Have you? Have you?”

The little alligator's response was to turn his head and rather lucidly inquire, “Whom?”

“My secret admirer! I had to come down and tell him it's really, really sweet. But that I can't really return his feelings.”

“What?!” The cat and rabbit cried out simultaneously, eyes going wide and fur puffing out.

Gummy's head went back to proper position, and he adjusted his tie. “I think I am your secret admirer.”

Opal went slack-jawed at that, pointing disbelievingly. “Since when could he speak so well?”

“Since when could he speak that much?” Angel asked, blinking rapidly and shaking his head.

Winona suddenly looked to the two, as if suddenly realizing they were there. “What? You didn't know Gummy is a genius?”

“A what now? Genius? Uhhh...” Angel looked disbelievingly on the blank stare Gummy was giving, as well as the slight sway in his tail “I'm gonna call “not possible” on that one.”

“No, really it's true!” Winona brought her head right beside Gummy's and gave it a little nudge. “Did you ever wonder why he's always staring like that? He's always thinking really, REALLY deeply.”

“My intellectual hobbies include calculus, theoretical thaumaturgy, logic puzzles and attempting to understand Pinkie Pie. I am afraid that may meet with failure.”

“Wait, wait, wait a moment...” Opal held up a paw, taking a deep breath and releasing it as a sigh. “I may be willing to believe that Gummy is some sort of hidden genius. Stranger things have happened. But... you two? In a relationship? Impossible. I would have known. You cannot simply hide such things from prying, romantic eyes such as mine.”

“Oh... well... sorry to tell you like this but... we've been together for a long time. I think we've been together longer than you and Angel! We're just really quiet about it.”

“Discretion, and propriety, are, after all, the soul of the true gentlereptile. And as my attire would indicate, I am thus, to the hilt, as it were.” Gummy continued to deliver his words with the same bizarre lack of attitude change.

“So then...” Opal looked all around, doing everything in her power to not look embarassed.

“Oh! This was very nice of you! It's not quite what you probably had in mind, I guess a blind date because you thought I was lonely. But it's still great! Another date with Gummy! And you even got him into his tuxedo! I love his tuxedo. He looks so... citified and handsome.” Winona nuzzled in at Gummy's neck, dipping little licks ever few nuzzles.

“I was quite aware of the nature of your game when first you mentioned Winona's name. You truly are a decadent pair. But such is a part of your ineffable charms. I do not hold it against you. It is only your way.” Gummy turned his head just slightly, rubbing gently against Winona. “And now my dear... we may enjoy time together.”

“Oh yes! This is so great! Thank you guys so much! I love a good date with him.” Winona went to town, locking the uncovered parts of Gummy's face, her tail wagging a mile a minute.

Opal looked on the touching scene while leaning against her love. Then, to break the silence between them asked, “How... how do you suppose they..?”

“Don't.” The rabbit lightly placed a paw on Opal's lips. “I've reached my maximum capacity for weirdness for the day. The next time I want to see anything weird it'll involve a bandit mask and twine.”

Opal nudged Angel softly and grinned. “And cherries, tongue depressors and my beautiful princess dress...”