The Weekly Equestria News

by StormLuna

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other
Length: 5992

Equestria's only reliable news source.

In a nation full of fake news, you have to be careful who you trust. With us, you don't have to worry about that. Unlike ENC and ENN, we are reliable, unbiased and only report the truth.

Published 2019-04-09 18:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-06-17 17:50:17 UTC

Pony Eating Parasprites Attack Fillydelphia!

Article by Written Script

FILLYDELPHIA- For ages all parts of Equestria have had problems with parasprites, particularly in areas right along the Everfree Forest but this time the attack was quite a long ways away as it hit in Fillydelphia. What happened was downright terrifying as not only did the attack caused plenty of damage but fatalities were involved as well.

We all remember the time when the parasprites attacked Ponyville in 2010 during the preparations for a party for Princess Celestia. During the attack, Twilight Sparkle cast a spell to cause the little beasts to go from eating food to eating anything but food. In the end it was Pinkie Pie who drove them back into the forest with her one-pony orchestra. For over eight years, the bugs were not seen anywhere in Equestria.

It was early this spring when the creatures were seen again, only this time it was in Fillydelphia. Something had changed about them though, rather than going after food, they began to go after ponies. The first attack was on West Fillydelphia Elementary on the west side of the city and they did not take any prisoners. Like they used to do, they consumed their meal in one bite. The day of the attack, Black Board, a first grade teacher watched in horror as they opened their mouths wide and swallowed her students whole.

She did everything she could, including raiding the school's music room to get the proper instruments but unfortunately, she was not able to get all the necessary instruments and her whole class was consumed. After that, the beasts attacked the kindergarten class but their teacher, Sunny Flowers, was a unicorn and was able to drive them away, from that school anyway.

Throughout the day, the youngest foals were attacked and consumed across the city, including the nursery at Fillydelphia General. Finally after a couple days, Prince Shining Armor arrived, drove the creatures out of town and cast a force-field around the city. Now this does cause some problems, for the force-field to work, Shining Armor has to stay in the city and now there are concerns Yakyakistan may attack the Empire and take it for themselves.

Scientists are unsure as to why the bugs gained the ability to eat ponies. Some of the old-fashioned ponies are blaming Discord, the Lord of Chaos but those who are familiar with the Everfree Forest and what some areas can do to creatures, believe that it was fumes from volcanic vents on the east side of the forest that caused the bugs to mutate into the deadly creatures they have become.

Princess Celestia is warning all citizens that if they see the bugs that they are to stay inside and contact unicorn members of the local pest control to come and fry them with their energy. When asked about communities where there are no unicorns, Princess Celestia made the following comment, "It sucks to be you, doesn't it?"

Princess Celestia Has Love Child from a Commoner!

Article by Written Script

CANTERLOT- Ever since Equestria was founded after the fall of Ponyland and the arrival of Celestia and Luna, the royal pony sisters have always conducted themselves in a way that us commoners don't, including complete and absolute abstinence from any sexual activities. Ever since the beginning, that is what was expected of them and what was believed was true until recently a very powerful unicorn, a unicorn with no formal training in magic, was discovered.

This unicorn, who we shall call S.G. to protect her privacy, was at one time a brutal dictator who stole cutie marks and then engaged in an epic time travel battle where she bested Princess Twilight Sparkle until the princess used persuasion to get this unicorn to stop showing off and proving how much better than her she was. Unfortunately for Princess Twilight, this unicorn continues to prove that she is better than her and when her powers were discovered, news quickly reached Princess Celestia that her former protege was being bested by what some called "a random unicorn off the street."

When the princess learned of this and was questioned by the media, she denied the accusations that said unicorn could be her daughter. She claimed that like her sister and a lot of other mares in Equestria, that she is a lesbian. Naturally most of the nation bought this but we did not. One of our insiders managed to break into the genealogy wing of Canterlot Tower and discovered that Princess Celestia had given birth to a unicorn filly roughly twenty-five years ago. We also learned that the father lived in Sire's Hollow so we decided the nation deserved to know the truth so we decided to visit the father, who shall be known as F.L. and see if it checked out.

After visiting this unicorn stallion, it was proven that S.G. is indeed the daughter of him and Princess Celestia. After the news broke in the Sire's Hollow Daily News, Princess Celestia finally admitted the truth. From what we understand, S.G. is currently in Canterlot awaiting ascension and coronation. Not everypony is happy that there will be a new princess in Equestria, particularly S.G.'s teacher and mentor, Princess Twilight Sparkle.

When asked what her thoughts were Twilight ranted, "I can not believe that my mentor would hide such a dark secret and I can not believe that she is going to ascend my student into being a princess after everything she has done!" The princess was obviously angry but when she learned that S.G. would have the same level of power as Celestia herself she continued, "That is nepotism, she is only doing this because she is her own flesh and blood! I will sue!"

We contacted Princess Celestia about Twilight's comments and she stated, "Princess Twilight has no case, S.G. is being ascended because she is of a royal bloodline, which counts much more than merely being my protege. If she sues, I'll take those wings, that title and castle away from her, especially if my daughter wants the castle. After everything that I have done, I believe I owe my daughter anything she wants!"

S.G. has declined to comment on the situation and given everything that has gone on we don't blame her but Princess Celestia did make one further comment, "Not only will my daughter be a princess but I have chosen to not only make her father a prince but I have also decided to marry him."

Princess Luna is infuriated over the situation and is demanding that she be allowed to take any mare she desires as a wife and only commented, "A certain yellow pegasus in Ponyville would make a great trophy wife."

Manehattan Mayor Proposes Constitutional Republic

Article written by Written Script

MANEHATTAN- In a rally in the nation's biggest city, the city's mayor, High Rise, suggested something that nopony has ever suggested before. He brought up the idea of scrapping the monarchy entirely and making Equestria a constitutional republic. In his speech to his supporters, he stated that Equestria has fallen behind in the world. He stated that every other nation on the planet has moved beyond what he described as an "archaic and antiquated" form of government.

Also in his speech, he made bold claims that not only does he plan on rallying the nation around his ideas that he believes that under enough pressure, that the princesses would abdicate and that he could easily win election and become Equestria's first president. When asked why he would suggest such a thing he stated, "I simply think it is time that we get out of the dark ages and allow all ponies to have a say in how the country is ran, not just the Alicorn princesses."

The crowd at the rally was for the most part showing a great amount of support for their mayor although there were a few working class unicorns who were booing him and calling him a traitor until security had those unicorns escorted out. The mayor took the jeering in stride though and told his supporters that unlike how it currently is where Celestia punishes dissidents, that Equestria will have free speech laws protecting all ponies if his goals are achieved.

His statements and goals were met with mixed reactions across the country. Many of the more progressive ponies in the larger cities seem to support him and think that it is time for the monarchy go but more traditional ponies along with a majority of the nation's unicorns and the entire city of Canterlot are opposed to his ideas and many are calling for him to be charged with treason. The ponies that are angriest though are the princesses.

Princess Twilight in Ponyville is not quite so angry as she is disappointed. She is questioning High Rise on why he would suggest such a thing. She is wondering why he would advocate for Equestria to move on to a form of government that is full of nothing but corruption, lobbyists and voter fraud. "Why would you want this?" she asked in a letter to the mayor, "Do you not see how horrible things are in nations that use that system of government?"

Princess Luna however was much more displeased. She went on a rant how High Rise must obviously not pay attention to international affairs and that he is a complete moron if he thinks that system of government would work here. She, like Princess Twilight, went on about how constitutional republics are full of bought off politicians who care nothing about their constituents, that they only care about themselves.

Princess Celestia was even less thrilled. While she did not say anything about the flaws of that style of government, she did bring up that advocating such things could warrant his arrest and being put on trial for treason. While she has yet to make a decision on it, she has stated that she will have a meeting with her fellow princesses on whether or not to pursue treason charges.

Princess Starlight however was enraged and judging by her reaction, High Rise would receive no mercy if it were just up to her. In an interview with Princess Starlight, she was blunt and straight to the point, "My mother has been the rock that has held this nation together for over a thousand years. If it were up to me and me alone, High Rise along with his supporters would be judged by their actions and be burned alive right here in the courtyard under my mother's balcony. Treason is treason and the only good tyrant is a dead one."

High Rise has currently gone into hiding after learning of what Princess Starlight said. A spokespony for him has said, "Mayor High Rise has gone into hiding and shall remain so until Princess Celestia reins in her psychotic daughter." Needless to say though, insulting the primary princess's daughter probably isn't winning him any brownie points among the other princesses and is likely only fueling Princess Starlight's desire for his execution further.

Space Aliens Visit Princess Celestia & Princess Starlight

Article written by Written Script

CANTERLOT- In what was an unexpected and unprecedented event, a saucer shaped object descended from the sky and landed in the west castle courtyard in Canterlot. Many ponies ran from the object but the unicorn guards surrounded the object with their horns flared up, ready to strike it. When the door opened, an orange skinned biped alien with a very ugly toupee descended down the stairs, followed by other bipeds clad in black along with another one with a camera. When the alien reached the bottom of the stairs it asked the guards to take it to their leader.

The guards did as requested with their horns glowing the whole time. When they arrived in the throne room, Celestia too flared up her horn upon seeing the alien. The alien claimed that it came in peace and that its society had been listening in on radio and TV signals coming from our planet, Equestria in particular and was curious about our society and wanted to get to know more about us.

Princess Celestia was unsure what to think of the alien and noticed that the aliens clad in black appeared to have objects that could be used against her. This did unnerve her so she summoned her daughter, who she knew would have no problems or regrets in putting them in their place to join them and watch them. When Princess Starlight arrived, her horn was glowing bright and the aliens became very nervous.

During the introductions, the alien identified itself as Domp. This brought out suspicion from our princesses but they allowed the alien along with its guards to join them on a tour of the castle grounds. Starlight in particular kept an eye on the aliens clad in black knowing that those objects they carried could be used against them. After the tour, the alien that seemed to be their leader challenged the princesses to a game of golf.

Our princesses agreed and while the alien claimed that it was a master of the game, it flat out sucked. The alien wound up finishing 26 over par which was pathetic compared to Princess Celestia's score of 17 under par and Princess Starlight's 22 under par. When the alien was throwing a fit, Princess Celestia couldn't help but laugh, "Damn, you're worse than an earth pony at this game!"

After throwing a fit and shouting a few profanities, the alien calmed down and decided to have a luncheon with the princesses where matters of warfare were discussed. The alien discussed these things known as nuclear weapons, which are rather popular in the My Little Human comic series with our princesses. He began to discuss how destructive the weapons could be and immediately our princesses knew that something wasn't quite right about the alien.

After a threat from the alien, our princesses ordered it and the other aliens to board their ship and leave Equestria forever. The aliens did as requested and took off. While Princess Celestia was certain that we wouldn't have to worry about them using these weapons against Equestria, Princess Starlight did not trust the aliens one bit. Once their craft got airborne, she fired a powerful bolt of magnetic magic at the craft, causing it to short-circuit and crash. When our princesses arrived at the crash site, it was discovered that there were no survivors.

When news was released involving the aliens, their meeting with the princesses and what they said, the nation was thrilled to learn of their demise. While Princess Celestia seemed to show a bit of sadness in revealing the news of the deaths, Princess Starlight was not in the same mindset. In an address to the nation she shouted, "Buck yeah, I taught those freaks a lesson! If any more of them come, I'll wipe them out too!"

Princess Celestia is a bit worried that her daughter may bring about an interstellar conflict but given Princess Starlight's powerful magic, most of the nation believes that she could wipe out any invasion from any aliens that may cause us problems and I for one think she could easily conquer any planet she wanted to on her own.

Pony/Human Hybrids Found in Cave

Article written by Written Script

VANHOOVER- Guards exploring the forests off to the east of Vanhoover were on a routine patrol when they noticed what appeared to be a campsite along with fallen trees near a cave. The guards initially thought it was likely ponies that didn't bother to clean up their campsite until they heard voices and saw light coming from inside the cave. Again they figured it was likely ponies out camping but that would not be the case.

When they went into the cave, they encountered what appeared to be pony/human hybrids. The creatures they saw had unicorn horns but they were walking upright similar to the humans that anthropologist Lyra Heartstrings has in captivity. Given the appearance of the creatures, the guards figured that they would likely have some magic so they were careful to approach the creatures.

The guards attempted to communicate with the hybrids but all they got out of them were grunts and moans. They were unsure what to do with the creatures and believed that with them walking upright, that perhaps Ms. Heartstrings would be able to handle them. After the guards left the forest, Lyra was contacted and she along with her sister traveled to the campsite along with some unicorn guards to acquire the creatures for study.

Upon arrival, Lyra was obviously excited but her excitement caused the hybrids to attack her with their magic. Colgate however, grasped all four of them in her aura and they have been transported to a research facility near Dodge Junction. From what we understand, DNA testing was done and the results were shocking to scientists. The creatures do have pony DNA in them but after analyzing DNA taken from Lyra's humans, it was discovered that the creatures have absolutely no human DNA in them.

While Lyra is wanting to keep the creatures as pets, they have been deemed too dangerous for a private citizen to possess them. The creatures have since been taken to a much more secure research facility where they will be kept indefinitely. When questioned, government researchers stated that they plan on searching the forests for more of these creatures. The Equestrian Bureau of Genetic Anomalies has stated that such creatures could pose a serious threat to the citizens of Equestria.

When Princess Celestia got word of the creatures, she ordered that if any citizens encounter them that they are to contact local authorities but issued a different order to the nations powerful unicorns, "If you see them, detain them with your magic and contact law enforcement."

Alligator Robs Convenience Store

Article written by Written Script

MAREAMI- Mareami, a prime vacation spot in Equestria is also home to one of the highest crime rates in Equestria has reported one of the strangest crimes in recorded history. A couple weeks ago, a biped alligator walked into a convenience store carrying a sword. Video surveillance shows that a younger earth pony mare was working the counter and apparently the alligator saw an opportunity. The footage shows the alligator pulling out the sword and demanding that she hand over the money.

The mare refused and when she did so, the alligator swung his blade at her, cutting her forehead open. Other customers took action and brought the alligator down while one called the police. The alligator would not be easy to detain until a unicorn walked into the store and easily grabbed the alligator with his magic. When the police arrived, the alligator was fried with magic and the body was taken into custody. The clerk was taken to Mareami Memorial Hospital to be treated for her injuries.

When the alligator's corpse was taken to the police station, the first thing that was done was calling The Equestrian Bureau of Genetic Anomalies who handles biped creatures, which seem to be on the rise across Equestria. The bureau did genetic testing on the creature and while it did have alligator DNA, no human DNA was found. The bureau is not sure why so many biped hybrids are showing up across Equestria but they have been in contact with the princesses who have vowed to send guards out to apprehend any and all bipeds and in the case of dangerous ones, exterminating them.

Currently in Mareami more unicorn police officers are being hired and put on patrol since they seem to be the ones most suited for the job. While we at The Weekly Equestria News believe that any type of pony could handle them, Princess Celestia is mandating that unicorns be the ones to handle such things since they have magic.

Media outlets such as ENN and ENC are requesting to see the body but from what we understand, a unicorn fashionista in Ponyville purchased the remains and made saddlebags out of them to sell at her boutique.

Princess Starlight Does Away with the Nobility

Article by Written Script

CANTERLOT- As many ponies know, it is the princesses who make the laws that we all must abide by but one thing many do not know is that it is the nobility who gives them advice on what should be passed and offers suggestions to them that they normally will listen to. The princesses have done this for centuries but those days have come to an end, a very unexpected and in the eyes of the working class ponies, a very deserving end.

During a recent meeting with the four princesses, Prince Blueblood had suggested to the princesses that they, the nobility, should be given special privileges and even be allowed to make the laws that Princess Celestia sets. While Celestia was initially open to the idea, the other princesses had their concerns and in the case of one, was going to make sure that such a thing would never come to pass.

Princess Luna let it be known to the nobility that while the princesses do listen to them as they have for centuries, that they would not be allowed any direct involvement in making the laws that the princesses set and enforce. Princess Twilight also voiced her concerns. In an interview with her she stated, "I know the nobility has had some influence for centuries but to allow them to have that kind of direct power is simply going too far. That kind of power is reserved for royalty and royalty alone." She then added, "Even I don't have nearly as much say as the other princesses because I am not of a royal bloodline."

Princess Celestia's daughter, Princess Starlight however went into a furious rage over their requests and went as far as to hold a nationally televised press conference. In the press conference, she exposed their desires to the nation and deemed the nobility as threats to national security. Given that she has been granted some special powers by Princess Celestia, she issued an executive order that all assets of the nobility were to be seized and that they be thrown in Tartarus for all eternity "solely for existing."

While Princess Celestia is shocked that her daughter would take such extreme actions over the requests, she wasn't completely surprised. When she was questioned about the matter she simply stated, "While many may think what my daughter did was extreme, she is my daughter and if she wants do to do something, then she shall be allowed to do so." She then added, "Well anything short of forcing my sister and I out and declaring herself as the sole ruler of Equestria of course."

While many ponies across Equestria have loathed the nobility and how the princesses will listen to them, many ponies think that by Celestia giving Starlight that much power and basically allowing her to do almost anything she wants regarding governance, that Equestria could be on its way to a de facto dictatorship ruled by a pony with humble origins, origins that could very well lead her to target any and all elite ponies in Equestria.

Here at the W.E.N. however, we welcome the additional powers that Princess Celestia has given her daughter. If anypony is going to look out for Equestria, it will be Princess Starlight.

Unicorn Caught With Human Pet!

Article by Written Script

PONYVILLE- Many ponies across the land enjoy the "My Little Human" comic books and all believe that they are just myths and the objects of said comic book but a sighting of an actual human was caught in Ponyville. The local anthropologist and human enthusiast Lyra Heartstrings was caught dragging one out of the Everfree Forest and eventually into her home. This was something that shocked many and like we always do, we believe the nation deserves to know if what was seen was true.

When we decided to pay this unicorn a visit, she had the human in her basement, tied up and was trying to feed it. We asked Lyra why she had the human and she stated that she simply wanted one for a pet so she went to where she knew she could get one. Lyra became more confrontational when asked where in the forest she could get one and threw us out of her house.

We then approached Princess Celestia and after questioning, she let us know that not only was Lyra a student of hers but that the location of the portal to some other world did indeed exist and Lyra must have known where to find it. This caused us to want to know where she learned this. When we approached her over the location, she burned us with energy and yelled, "You're not taking my Megan away from me! She is my pet!"

We know there are plenty of ponies close to Lyra so we approached her elder sister, Dr. Colgate over the issue. She too was at first confrontational until she brought up the castle of the two sisters and a map with the location so like what any good reporter would do, we found this portal and went through it.

On the other side not only did we find two other humans but also a bunch of small-eyed fat ponies looking for this Megan that Lyra was holding captive. We told the other humans, known as Molly and Danny Williams. The two bipeds seemed rather friendly and asked about their sister. We decided to reunite them and brought them back to Equestria to retrieve their elder sister. When we arrived at Lyra's house, that would not be the case.

Not only was Lyra present but so was Colgate and after a rather violent confrontation, Lyra now has three human pets. We are not sure if the fat ponies from the other side of the portal will come to rescue these humans but Lyra did say this, "Nopony is going to take my pets away from me, NOPONY!"

Her much more powerful older sister too stated that she would make sure that nopony, whether it be a pony from the other side of the portal or anypony here in Equestria tried to take her sister's pets away from her that there would be hell to pay.

Nightmare Moon Cult Found

Article by Written Script

CANTERLOT- For about one hundred years after Princess Luna's corruption and banishment to the moon, there had been secret sects in Equestria who not only worshiped her but have cursed Princess Celestia's name. It was after Princess Celestia made the worship of Nightmare Moon illegal and punishable by death that the cults disappeared, or so we thought.

Recently a sect of unicorns in a remote part of the Everfree Forest have been discovered that still practice the highly illegal religion. The unicorns were discovered by royal guards on a routine patrol not too far away from the Castle of the Two Sisters. When approached, the guard stated that the unicorns were very dark in color and had eyes that resembled Nightmare Moon's. The guards also stated that the unicorns were using magic on a sparkly purple blob of mist. While they couldn't be sure, they believe that perhaps it was a remnant of the villain that escaped lunar banishment and that they were trying to re-create Nightmare Moon.

When the report reached Princess Celestia she was not one bit thrilled. She has ordered her guards to hunt down this sect and bring them back to Canterlot so she can put them on trial for treason. Princess Luna however, is against the idea and has brought up a law protecting the worship of any and all deities, regardless of how evil, from prosecution. Ponies close to the two sisters have their concerns that this could cause Princess Luna to become Nightmare Moon again and cause Princess Celestia to turn evil herself.

Other ponies right now are trying to reconcile the disagreement with Princess Twilight actually siding with Princess Luna on the freedom of religion issue while her student, Starlight Glimmer, is siding heavily with Princess Celestia. When questioned on her reasoning she stated, "Princess Celestia has been nothing kind to this nation and these ponies are biting the hooves of the pony who has been our nation's rock. Such disloyalty needs to be punished."

While Princess Celestia is obviously pleased with Starlight's support, she is disgusted with her former protege. She knows that Princess Twilight has grown closer with Princess Luna over the years and when asked about the situation she grunted, "Princess Twilight is obviously a little tyrant who probably wants to get my sister in bed." She then became more serious as she continued, "Perhaps I should just take those wings away, that title away and that castle away and give them to Starlight since she is loyal to me and has better magic."

Princess Celestia has since sent guards out looking for this sect but no trace of them have been found. In one final statement the princess stated, "If you see them, you are to kill them and bring their corpses to me. Trust me, I will make it worth your while."

Flurry Heart Attacks Royal Guard

Article written by Written Script

CRYSTAL EMPIRE- Many ponies close to the royal family in the Crystal Empire can tell you how Princess Flurry Heart seems to love her Auntie Twily. During a recent visit by Princess Twilight to the Crystal Empire, everything was the same. The moment she arrived, she immediately flew off of Princess Cadence's back to be with her aunt. One thing that almost nopony knows about though is how protective Flurry Heart is of her aunt.

While the two were out mingling with the citizens of the empire, a tan coated guard bumped into Princess Twilight and gave her a smile and offered to take her out to lunch. Princess Twilight declined but apparently Flurry Heart did not like the guard "flirting" with her aunt. In what shocked many ponies in the Empire, Flurry Heart took off after the guard and was chasing him around the city. Princess Twilight tried to catch her but to no avail. Eventually Flurry teleported onto the guard's back and clamped down on his ear and bit part of it off.

After she bit part of his ear off he was running around trying to shake her off but she then clamped down on the other ear and eventually Princess Cadence and Prince Shining Armor came rushing out of the castle to see what the commotion was all about. When Cadence saw her daughter attacking the guard, she tried to pull her daughter off the guard's back but every time Cadence tried to grasp her in her magic, she used her own magic to deflect it.

Eventually Flurry Heart turned her magic loose on the guard and blasted him with an incredibly powerful bolt of magic. She continued to zap the guard until he was unconscious and when her parents finally got to her, she was sitting next to the guard giggling and laughing. When she saw that Cadence was angry she put up a protection bubble and flew off to her Auntie Twily. While Princess Cadence was trying to aid the guard, Prince Shining Armor joined his sister with Flurry Heart.

The guard is currently in a coma in Crystal Empire General and is not being allowed any visitors. When Cadence addressed the media she was clearly shaken up by her daughter's violent actions against the guard. Prince Shining Armor however, was proud of his daughter. During our interview he stated, "I'm glad my daughter attacked him. He is a lousy guard, he is lazy and worst of all, he has flirted with my sister. Perhaps if we are lucky he will remain comatose for good."

Princess Twilight too was happy that Flurry Heart did what she did. While her brother let his thoughts be known, Princess Twilight simply laughed, "It looks like it is time to buy more presents for Flurry!"

What the future has in store for the guard, should he ever be able to resume his duties, we are not sure but Shining Armor was overheard telling his sister that he is either hauling him to Tartarus or talking to Princess Celestia about banishing him to the moon for flirting with her and it sounds like Princess Twilight is in agreement with him. It sounded like she thinks he needs to go too.

Princess Celestia Ashamed of Her Former Protege

Article by Written Script

CANTERLOT- For many years, dating back to when she first took her in, Princess Celestia has always held Twilight Sparkle in the highest regards. She always admired how she focused on her studies and how she finally made friends when she relocated to Ponyville to continue her friendship studies. There have only been two things that have caused Celestia to be disappointed in her. The first being her constantly being shown up by her daughter and the other being her recent behavior.

Twilight's behavior in the Ponyville Day Spa is what has caused Celestia to become ashamed of her. Many local patrons have become upset when Princess Twilight and a friend of hers, Fluttershy will spend all day in the steam room. Most ponies wouldn't think anything of it but the fact that the princess always puts a lock spell on the doors makes many ponies wonder what she and her friend are doing in there. Some citizens have even gone as far as to lurk outside the steam room while they are in there together and the sounds they hear certainly aren't family friendly.

We chose to interview the friends of these ponies and while they knew the two enjoyed their spa days, they had no idea that Twilight actually put lock spells on the door. Applejack and Rarity, two of the spa's other primary patrons also spend plenty of time in the steam room but when interviewed, both of them stated that they never lock the doors. Applejack however is becoming frustrated because as time has passed, Twilight and Fluttershy are hogging the room more and more.

We also contacted the owners of the spa and they have admitted that they allow the two to lock themselves in the steam room because Twilight has been paying them a good amount of money for exclusive usage. When asked how she paid, Aloe stated, "Oh she uses the government credit card."

When asked about her fellow princess using government funds for her spa time, Princess Celestia was not one bit happy. "She's doing what? She's using federal funding for spa time, spa time that she may be engaging in unprincess-like behavior?"

During her interview with us, she was calm for the most part but others in the palace have heard her shouting at guards, yelling at maids and going on rants about Princess Twilight's behavior to her daughter all the time. Princess Starlight is currently refusing to comment on the activity out of respect for both Princess Twilight who is a friend of hers and naturally she is declining out of respect for her mother.

Our insiders did eventually wait around and catch Princess Twilight and Fluttershy, a friend and former element bearer, coming out of the spa with guilty looks on their faces. When asked about their activities, Fluttershy hid in her mane and Twilight went on a rant about how she is being stalked before burning our insiders with her energy and then the two running off to what is apparently Fluttershy's cottage for what we are assuming are more activities that would upset Princess Celestia.