Definition

by BaeroRemedy

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Sad
Length: 2190

Applejack has to reconsider what it means to be her.

After an injury, Applejack wrestles with what it means to be Applejack.

Published 2019-04-10 20:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-04-10 20:00:01 UTC

Chapter 1

There’s something relieving about hard work. It’s almost a spiritual experience to pour your entire physical, mental and emotional strength into a task to make sure it is done not just well, but to your own personal point of perfection. At the end of the day, it just feels good to do your best.

Applejack lived for her work, and her work made sure she made a living. It wasn’t just a job or a task, it was her life. Everything she did was to make sure that her family could survive and thrive, and there was no greater reward than seeing the Apple family doing just that. It always filled her with such pride and exuberance.

Things were not going all too well at the moment, though. The family was struggling to do all of the work required, they were struggling to get enough money, and they were struggling to get along.

And it was all Applejack’s fault.

“Hey AJ, are you listening?” The farmer snapped her head up, which had been drooping ever so slightly towards the floor beneath. Around her, sitting in a circle in Twilight’s office, where all seven of her closest friends. It had been the princess of friendship herself that had tried to get her attention. They had been discussing something about the friendship school, but honestly AJ had been caught up in her own head.

“Ah...no, sorry, Twilight.” The earth pony removed her trusty, dusty hat and held it in her hooves. It was a little nervous tick of hers to play with the edges and fiddle with it. “My mind is kinda wanderin’ today, sorry ‘bout that.”

Applejack saw all of her friends, six ponies and one dragon, glance around at each other. There was a meaning behind the looks, something that they all understood but it was a loop that Aj was firmly left out of. Twilight looked back to AJ after a few seconds, as did the other fourteen eyes.

“Well I think that’s all we have to discuss for today, girls.” Twilight and everypony else stood up, and AJ followed suit. “Thank you all so much for coming in on the weekend. I know you’re all busy, so I really appreciate it.”

Pleasantries were exchanged between them all, kind words and parting hugs before they all went home or to their waiting jobs. AJ exchanged weak jabs with Rainbow and hug with Rarity as they exited the room. AJ herself, wanted to be the last pony to leave the room.

It wasn’t out of politeness of ingrained manners, it was because she didn't want to go home. Even the thought of it made her small smile fall away and her shoulders drop. She suppressed a sigh and made her way towards the door.

“Is it still bothering you, Applejack?” She turned around to see Twilight coming towards her, worry in those violet eyes. “It’s been three months now.” A hoof reached towards her back left knee, which AJ pulled away from.

“If I told ya ‘no’, would ya believe me?” It was both a sore knee and subject, still. A couple of months ago she had been doing her job, just as she had always done it. The form of her bucking had been fluid and perfect as always...and it just all went wrong somehow.

Her hooves had hit that tree, and there had been a vicious and audible ‘pop’ from her knee. Just like that, she couldn’t even support her own weight on it. The doctor at Ponyville General called it a ‘severe sprain of a patellar tendon’ and said she would be back to full strength in a few months.

Well it had been three months and she still wasn’t better. Sure, she could walk around on it fine, but galloping? Lifting? Bucking apples? They were painful and draining activities when once they had been fulfilling.

“No, I don’t think I would.” Applejack nodded, she knew she was a bad liar anyways. “Come sit down for awhile and talk with me?” She was lead over to a chair in front of Twilight’s desk. When she sat down, she was surprised that rather than taking the large high-backed chair behind the desk, the alicorn opted to sit in the seat right next to AJ. “Are you okay?”

That was a loaded question if ever such a thing was to be quantified. Applejack reckoned it was like that way for everypony, but it just made her brain roil with everything she could say in response. It flooded her heart with the entire spectrum of bad feelings and it just hurt to hear.

“I-Y’know...no. I’m not. I’m not okay.” There was that telltale feeling in the back of her throat, the welling in her eyes. Even just admitting that felt like a mountain of feelings had poured out. “I’m not okay, Twilight.” The earth pony did her best job to keep the tears from falling, she really did. But sometimes you just have to cry a little, for your own good.

“That bad still?” Twilight looked down to her knee sympathetically. “What did your doctor say about it?” That was the most frustrating part about it all, it was the most heartbreaking and infuriating thing about all of this.

“He don’t know nothin’, Twilight! ‘Just give it time. Keep doin’ your exercises and it’ll get better.’ Well it hasn’t!” The sadness gave way to a little bit of anger. The whole situation was ridiculous and shouldn’t have even happened. Even her doctor had said it was just a freak accident, her mechanics and everything weren’t to blame and she was too young to have the wear and tear for that to just happen. “I still can’t work on it! I can’t help with the harvest or makin’ cider this year. I’m just sittin at home or in a classroom all day doin’ nothin’ and bein’ useless!”

Applejack just wanted to kick something, she wanted to throw a tantrum and break things just to get it all out. She hadn’t really talked about the situation with anypony else, not this freely or candid. It was just all pouring out now.

“Applejack, you know that’s not true. You’re so important to this school.” Twilight placed her light purple hoof against AJ’s shoulder. “You’re instilling one of the most important traits, honesty, into so many young creatures. You’re bettering the world and it’s future here, you’re not worthless.” The warm and genuine smile that accompanied the words did make Applejack regret her choice of words a little.

“I-I’m sorry, Twi. I didn’t mean it like that.” She wiped away the tears that were starting to fall down her cheeks. “I like workin’ here, and teachin’ and stuff...it’s just…” She was searching for the right words, the right explanation to all of this frustration. “Hard work ain’t just somethin’ that I do, Twi. That’s who I am. I wake up every mornin’ lookin’ forward to draggin’ myself back to bed exhausted and sore. That’s...y’know, that’s what it means to be me. Goin’ out there and givin’ my all till I can’t give anymore is who I am. Now because of….this-” She gestured towards her now bad knee. “-I can’t do that. I can’t wake up and go to work. I can’t keep improvin’ and movin’ forward because I can’t even do my own work anymore.”

Applejack wasn’t sure if that all made sense or not,but it did to her. That was her heart laid bare. For the first time in her life, her body was failing her on a daily basis. It wasn’t sleep deprivation or something that a day off relaxing could fix. It was persistent and nagging, and just..omnipresent in everything she did or couldn’t do.

“I’ve taken it slow.” Applejack continued her venting process. “I’ve done my best to try and work around it, but it ain’t good enough. Only my best is good enough and I can’t do that anymore.”

“Well, maybe you just have to redefine your best.” Twilight’s voice was even-keeled and smooth, just as thoughtful and kind as ever. “I know it’s frustrating being limited like that, but sometimes we just have to roll with the punches, right? We take what life gives us and keep doing what is our absolute best for the moment.” Suddenly, the alicorn pulled AJ into a warm and deep embrace.

Applejack did her best to resist the hug at first, but she couldn’t for long. Her hooves wrapped around the princess, her friend, and wouldn’t let go. It became the only time in the past months that Applejack finally broke. She sobbed and buried her face in her counterpart’s fur. It felt safe, and it felt good.

“I know it’s hard, Applejack. We can have this...definition of ourselves in our own head that we feel we have to fill all the time, and if we don’t then we’re doing a disservice to ourselves or others around us.” A strong yet light touch went up and down her back, under her ponytail and to the nape of her neck. “But that’s not true. Sometimes in life we have to accept that we can’t be that perfect version of ourselves in our head. We have to try and work with what we now can do...or what we can’t. If something that can’t be changed is preventing us from reaching that definition, then we need to redefine who we are in our own head.”

Applejack felt that if there was one pony that knew about changing who they thought they were and what they could do, it was Twilight. Maybe the alicorn’s situation was the inverse of her own, but they were still parallel.

“You’ll be okay. You’ll get back to work and you’ll keep doing your absolute best every day. I know it and I believe in you. You just have to be honest with yourself and stop thinking about ‘can’t’ and instead start thinking of ‘how can I’.You’re still Applejack, that’ll never change even if the little things about you do. You’re still you.”

It was a powerful statement, one that flooded AJ’s mind with a bevy of emotions. One one hoof, she understood it and it did bring some solace to her sorry state to hear that Twilight believed in her. On the other hoof though, ‘redefining her best’ felt like giving up. It felt like giving in and letting this limitation win. It felt like weakness.

“I don’t like that, Twi.” Applejack decided to say. “I don’t like lettin’ this darned leg win, I don’t like it beatin’ me.” That’s all that was going through her head. She was weak. Some measly little part of her body had bested her.

“Beaten you?” The alicorn responded incredulously. She pulled away from the earth pony and their eyes met. Twilight’s were filled with a violet fire that came from deep down. “We’ve faced Nightmare Moon, Discord, Queen Chrysalis, Tirek, King Sombra, and so many other things over the years, and not once did any of those things beat us.” Applejack opened her mouth to object, there had been a few times where one of those things had beaten them, somepony else was just there to pick up the slack in her eyes. “They set us back, they made us change and adapt and work with what we had. They slowed us down, but they never beat us in the end.” Twilight’s gaze solidified into that of the wonderfully confident mare she had grown into. “Because, in the end, we had our friends.”

Applejack remembered back when something similar happened, within the first few months of Twilight being here in Ponyville. It was a little different, AJ had just been running herself so ragged that she couldn’t keep up with the workload. This was an inability to work altogether.

“Twi…” Applejack sighed and wiped her tears away. She didn’t know what she wanted to say, she hadn’t thought out any words or planned some great counter to Twilight’s little speech. All she had was that sigh.

“Let me go get the girls?” Twilight smiled that kind, warm smile of hers. “We’ll help you. We’ll do the best we can, like we always do. Together.” Applejack, her stubborn pride welling up in her chest, just let out another sigh.

Maybe she couldn’t work past this like she wanted. Not right now, and not alone. It was just tough to be sidelined like this when her whole life was being active. It was heartbreaking. Especially when she had to see the strain on her family. That was soul crushing.

“Alright…”

Applejack had to put herself in a new frame of mind until she was better. She couldn’t do this alone, she had to have help. She had changed for the worst and all she could now was work around it and work towards getting better.

It would be tough. Just like always though, her friends would be there to help her through this tough time.

Author's Note

Have a short little story I wrote for who knows what reason.

Enjoy.