Spike finds out Smolder is a guy
Silence
"Spiiike! Wake the hell up! We have to be at the school in 5 minutes! Get moving you lazy fuck!" Twilight screamed from the kitchen.
Slowly, Spike opened his fungus-infested eyelids, squeezed his boner and got out of bed "…Uhhh Twilight, but today i had an appointment with the phsychologist. I know those dreams about marecock don't come just because. There must be a trigger for it and the phsycho…"
"GET MOVING ALREADY DAMNIT"
Spike, reluctantly, grabbed his stuff and walked to the front door "Alright, but i'm not going with you, you crazy bitch"
Twilight sighed and slowly followed Spike, crestfallen…
The school was, as usual, not crowded at all. Granted, it only had the same six autist students and nocreature else.
As Spike walked through the school grounds, he witnessed the same kind of stupid behavior the students did on a daily basis:
Sandbar was rolling a joint with Pinkie Pie, with him continuously sniffing her mane with an awestruck expression, as if King Sombra had just farted in her face.
Hidden in a corner, Ocellus was cutting her fetlocks with a razor blade. It was a hard task with her black eye obstructing half of her vision. She squinted as she felt her anus prolapse once more, dribbling blood. It seemed that the latest "CARING AND LOVING YOUR FRIENDS" class with professor Fluttershy was more loving than usual.
Yona was at the cafeteria. Being the fat bitch she is, she was ingesting a huge pile of shit professor Applejack brought from her home last week. Applejack looked at her silently, with a grin in her muzzle
Spike suddenly heard an atrocious moaning near him. As he gazed ahead, he realized it was Gallus listening to disgusting music on his earbuds. He wore a sweat stained Sleeping With Wubcakes shirt --Celestia knows how long it has been since the last wash-- and had the same deadpan expression he wore everyday. For him, being at school full with despicable creatures was better than give Grampa Gruff's stinky salamy a lick.
As he kept pacing towards his office, Spike tripped with something on the floor "AH SHIII…"He stumbled hard on the hallway, and could hear Pinkie's annoying giggle. Once he got back to his feet, he looked back at the ugly sack of feathers laying on the floor "Silverstream, you fucking waste of flesh!". Silverstream was not breathing: She had a syringe impaled in her clitoris and was drooling a foamy yellow substance out of her eyes.
Spike didn't bother any longer and moved on to his office. He could hear Twilight screaming indecipherable gibberish outside. As he reached his desk, he rearranged some of his porn magazines that were oddly out of place, and proceeded to sit, ready for another depressing day at work.
Just as he was turning on the computer…
Knock knock
~sigh "Come in"
The door slowly, very slowly opened, revealing a petite, orange draconian figure…then suddenly the door fell violently to the floor with a loud thump.
Smolder boldly approached the desk "Hey Spike! Guess what: I asked Ember if i could burn down the Apple farm while they are all asleep, and she said yes! Can you believe it? My very first act of arson. This will be in the minds of ponies for many years to come and i'll be well known in the dragon lands for…" Smolder continued rambling with a stupid grin on her face, ignoring the fact that Spike was paying absolutely no attention to her.
That was until something in Smolder's crotch called his attention. At first he thought it was just an hallucination --surely all the stress brewing from his shitty job, to living with a radical feminist to having wet dreams with marecocks was reaching its boiling point. Spike closed his eyes and took a deep breath, barely getting the scent of fresh piss into his nostrils, and looked again. Nope, it was definitely there: a small, tubular shape was between Smolder's legs. The cylindrical chunk of flesh twitched slightly, leaking on single drop of slimy liquid. At this point, Spike did not notice that Smolder was no longer talking…
"…You like it, huh?"
Spike winced. His cheeks were a fiery red, more intense than the fires from the bombing of Hiroshimare "Wh…what? What a-are you talking about?"
Smolder wore a devilish smirk as she slowly approached Book Horse's number one assistant "Oh, do you think i am a retard? That i am as dumb and ignorant as our LSD colored professor? What was her name? Rainbow what?…"
"You are a boy! You are a fucking, viril lad! But…but" Spike stammered "You look just like a female! What the shiiii-SHIT" He fell short of words as he felt a bulky, long pulsating hot shape rubbing against his scaly and pathetic falus.
"Just hush, you cute lizard. Your body clearly wants this…" Smolder whispered in his ear, slowly rubbing her reptilian tongue in his neck afterwards.
"…oh…ohhh" Spike felt his dick barely growing in size. He proceeded to slowly stick a claw inside his tight, smelly asshole…
"SPIKE!!" Twilight stormed into his office "HOLY SHIT, SANDBAR IS FREAKING DEAD! THIS FUCKING HUGE PONY REFERING TO HIMSELF AS 'The Living Tombstone' BROKE THE FRONT GATE AND…what are you two doing?"
Smolder was clearly in shock --hearing the news of his deceased friend-- and fainted, hitting her head with the desk with a loud POP!. Her penis reduced to it's original size as Spike's office was stenched with the smell of dragon blood and precum.
Twilight fumed like a rabid dog "SPIKE! We are in a very dare situation and you were about to engage in sexual intercourse with a student AND A MINOR!?"
"But…I am younger than-"
"I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT! From this day on you are fired, and i dont wan't to see your crapface in the castle again! You hear me, you tiny turd? NEVER AGAI-"
Twilight couldn't finish, as she was completely vaporized by a green laser beam accompained with what can only be described as a deep, rumbly fart sound.
Spike grabbed his cock in fear, hearing deep footsteps approaching the door, where Twilight stood seconds ago.
A skinny, grey pony with a blue mane and a pair of Beats by Dr. Doctor headphones stood on the doorway. He was holding a dildo shaped cannon that was almost twice his size. His gaze drifted towards the trembling dragon, and his poop colored eyes met Spike's
"…It's you…The Living Tombstone…fuck…fuck! What do you want from me?"
The pony didn't reply. Instead, he pressed a button on his cannon. Suddenly, a very, very shitty synth melody was playing out of nowhere…
"No…No! Please!" Spike cried "Not that song! I swear dude, we didn't intend to forget you. But man, you dropped the music scene! It was your freaking fault! If you hadn't left, we would still love you. Please, please, don't do this to me!
As the melody wen't on, a hihat cymbal sound could be heard, marking the tempo of the apocalyptic piece. Time slowed down in Equestria…
Spike was sweating in every part of his body: Forehead, armpits, anus, legs…
Tombstone opened his muzzle slighly, and a monotone phrase started to come out of his throat…
"…I'm not a fan of puppeteers"
Spike's testicles exploded in a gory fashion, his eyeballs melted to a gross, gooey substance. His limbs cracked one by one and his brain burned to dust. His soul left his body, and as he ascended to the skies he saw the spirits of countless ponies, griffons, and all creatures imaginable perishing with the thumping rhythm of the remix of a once popular DJ.
