Author's Note
Hello folks!
So, The Haunting Of Hill House series on Netflix and especially the scenes with Olivia Crain, inspire me heavily. So this was kind of a rewrite and slightly different take (and a ponified one at that) on episode nine- "Screaming Meemies".
I was sad, and this came out. So... I won't say enjoy it because, you know, it's sad. But just... relate to it, maybe? I don't know.
Do with it what you will.
The Sun Will Set For You
My children are my life.
Three year old Sunrise Daybreak, and my one year old twins Scarlet Dusk and Golden Flash. What would my life be without them? I do not know, but I would never like to find out. My name is Ruby Glint, and I work in Ponyville as a jeweler.
My husband passed away six months ago, and it’s been me and my children ever since. The grief of losing him has twisted me up and tried to eat me and spit me out more than once. But I keep going, because my kids need me. This does not mean that I do not have problems. I haven’t slept well in months. When I do sleep, I dream. And they’re so vivid I don’t always know I’m sleeping. Nightmares have twisted their way through me, with my husband and children dead on metal slabs, jaws wired shut. Instead of one life, the nightmare took all four. Holding my children is how I know I am awake. And when I have nightmares I go to their rooms and lean down and listen to the sound of their breathing to calm me down.
My family has had a proclivity to mental illness. Mother had a mood disorder and father had dementia in his later years. I am used to being around insanity. I am not, however, used to being insane. But living the way I do, constantly caring for my children, working long hours, never knowing if I’m awake or asleep- that must be what insanity is, isn’t it? Maybe no two insanities look the same. But this is mine. This is the shape it takes.
Tonight I am at home. My children are in bed. I am in the living room when a mare walks in. I straighten, sure that I am asleep, smile, and greet her.
“Hello.” I say.
“Hello there, lovely.” She says. Her coat is ice blue, her mane white, and her smile disarming. “How are you doing tonight?”
“I’m fine. Dreaming again.” I say.
She nods. “Dreams are good to have. I have my dream in my children.”
I smile. “That’s the best kind of dream to have.”
She grins at me. “I just adore my two. They’re my whole world and then some. Is there anything better than seeing them and knowing that they’re yours? That you created this miracle and you get to keep it forever?"
“Nothing is better than that.” My words are sincere and true.
“Is there anything you wouldn’t do just to be with them?” She asks.
“Nothing.” I say immediately. It’s the truth, too.
“I look at my little ones and I think about how fast they’re growing up. I’d love to just freeze the picture and keep that moment, and live in it forever.”
I nod. Every mother in the world understands this. “I know what you mean.”
“There’s nothing I wouldn’t do for them. You know that too, though, don’t you? You look like you’ve been giving them one hundred and ten percent of your efforts, and you look exhausted.”
“I just haven’t been sleeping well. Except for now, I think.”
“What’s been keeping you up?” She asks.
“Nightmares.”
"Why? What are you afraid of?”
I take in a shaky breath. I shut my eyes and set down my book. "Every time I close my eyes, I see them lying there. My babies… Every time I look, they're dead. Just like my husband. And I just… I can't see my life without them." When I finish the words, I'm shaking, trembling with fear. "I don't know what to do to make it stop.”
She comes over to me, puts her hoof on my shoulder, and for a moment it's as if I'm awake.
"Oh sugar, I understand. Really, I do. Let me ask you a question, then. What is the difference between a nightmare and reality?”
"I don't know anymore." I say, and I realize I am crying.
"There is one difference. Love." She says.
"Love?" I parrot, confused.
"Nightmares don't understand love. Tell me somethin': Do you love your children?”
"More than anything.”
"You would do anything to keep them safe, wouldn't you?”
"Of course.”
"Would they feel safe if they saw you right now? So scared and afraid when you’re the one they need to be strong?”
I stop. I freeze. She's absolutely right. "No…" I say. "No they wouldn’t."
"That's right." She says. "Keep telling yourself that it's just a nightmare. Because the love that you have for those kids will keep them away.”
I can breathe again. "You're right. You're absolutely right." I say. She smiles.
“Of course I am, love.” She smiles.
I nod. “Thank you.” I say to her.
She smiles at me, and then she’s gone, just like that.
I carry those words inside of me. They keep me going through the dark days, like a talisman of hope I carry at my chest. I tell myself that the nightmares can be combatted by my love. But… the stronger that love seems, the more crushing the nightmares. But on the other hoof, it makes it easier to know when I am having a nightmare also.
Tonight, I know I am having a nightmare.
Every room in the house is emptied of life, and the love that carried me through the darkest days of my life. I open every door, and no one is there. No babies are crying, no toddler is coming to the room asking for water or extra hugs and kisses. I am panicking.
I'm at the banister of the stairs. I almost go down them. But…
There's only one way out of this. One way out of this hellish dream.
I have to die.
The thought doesn't terrify me. Not like it would most people. Dying doesn't scare me anymore. What truly scares me now is the thought of my children dying, like I've been dreaming of constantly for weeks on end. There is no respite from those dreams. And those dreams make death feel like a release. Better me than them. I would do anything to be with them. This included.
I go back up the steps, toward the banister. A few of the wooden poles holding it up had broken off in the years. I had been meaning to fix it, but I haven't had the money to, and just put a barrier there to keep my children from going through there. I climb over it onto the scant bit of flooring left before the seemingly endless drop to the ground. I'm shaking, trying to muster up the courage to go. I keep reminding myself that this is just a dream.
It's just another nightmare.
I shut my eyes, picturing my children safe and snug in their beds. I can feel the mare behind me. I can practically hear her silent encouragement. I hold fast to it. I need it. Then, I shut my eyes.
“Let me wake up." I say.
Then, in a moment of courage that has never failed to amaze me, I do it. I jump. Moments of my life flash before me. My fillyhood, my wedding, the births of my children. I hold their faces tightly in my mind.
I'll be there soon, my loves.
But something is wrong. I feel my mane flapping against my face, feel my stomach dropping the way it does when I fall- really fall. A split second of realization and clarity comes to me. I am asleep, but it doesn’t mean I couldn’t have sleepwalked. And just before I make impact- real impact, I hear the words one last time:
It's just another nightmare
Then, there is nothing but darkness.
