I Miss You

by Silver Cloud

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Sad, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Romance
Length: 4049

Rainbow Dash misses Twilight Sparkle, and lets her know by writing letters

Sometimes, all it takes is a letter to let them know...

Published 2012-08-30 15:54:02 UTC
Last updated 2012-08-30 15:54:02 UTC

I Miss You

Dear Twilight Sparkle,

I'm getting better at this letter thing now, aren't I? I think that's the first time I've done the salutation correctly, ever! That's what it's called, isn't it? Starfire's been helping me out with that kind of thing. She is way too smart for her age – seriously, how did you teach her so much? Oh, and speaking of exactly that, I've got some great news: Princess Celestia told us that she wants to personally tutor her! She's going to spend some time in Canterlot at the palace, but we can visit each other any time. I'll be keeping an eye on her, but I know that she'll be in good hooves with the Princess, and I know you'd approve. You should have seen that filly's face when Celestia told us. She had the biggest smile I've seen in months. You'd have been so proud if you were here.

Anyway, I've got a few small other bits of news, and then one important thing to say. It's something I've needed to bring up for a while, but just haven't had the courage before. I think I'm ready now though.

So, I've been flying with the Wonderbolts a few times now, just light training stuff. Mostly just watching and copying the others' warm-up routines. I have to admit, I haven't been as awesomed-out as I expected. It's still amazing, obviously, and I'm loving every minute of it, I just thought that if I ever got to actually join, it'd be somehow even cooler than it is. I don't know exactly what I even mean. They've been great to me, and even when I start doing the serious stuff, I'll still have loads of time to see everypony, and they said I won't have to do too much publicity stuff if I didn't want to. Considering what Soarin said to me back when they asked me first, they've been so nice.

Turns out that Applejack was serious about sending Applebloom to Canterlot to that boarding school. I had a chat with Scoot when they told everypony. She was herself of course, and she said she'd be fine. I could see she was upset though. I think she told me that she didn't need to do any more school and that she'd find a job somewhere. I told her that was dumb. So, I did a little talking to AJ and Rarity about the whole thing, and in the end I made the choice I think you would have. When I told Scoot that I was gonna pay for her to go with her friends, I think she almost fainted! It was funny, but it felt really good. It makes me happy to be able to help, and Luna knows we can afford it. I really think they're gonna have a great time together, and it makes such a difference that it's all three of them.

Oh, and you wouldn't believe the latest bit of gossip! I'm not really a big one for this kind of thing, but it seems that Fluttershy and Rarity have gotten very close, if you know what I mean! To be honest, I'd never have seen it coming, but I was talking to Pinkie and apparently she overheard them talking about it. It's hard to believe, but Pinkie's usually a pretty reliable source when she hasn't been made to Pinkie Promise to keep a secret. They haven't told anypony yet, but they've been spending a lot of time together for a good while now, so I guess I shouldn't be so surprised if it is true. It seems so weird, but I guess sometimes you just don't know what's going to happen, do you? You're just going along with your life, minding your own business, and then, suddenly, something comes out of nowhere and knocks you off your hooves. I'm glad for them though. Nopony should be alone. Just got to do something about AJ and Pinkie now, right? I don't think they'd really be into that kind of thing, but then again, I could be wrong. As unlikely as it might be, it has happened before.

Anyway, this is that bit. The important thing I mentioned before. It's kind of hard to find the right words, but I hope you'll get the message.

What we had together was amazing. Without doubt you were the best thing to ever happen to me. Better than a thousand Sonic Rainbooms. A million. If I had to choose between getting to captain the Wonderbolts and losing my wings, then you'd have to call me an earth pony, as long as I got to see you again. There is nothing I wouldn't do to have you back. But I know that's not going to happen. So I'll remember the good old days. The days when we were together, and I could tell you to your face how much I cared for you. And I still care for you. I still think of you every day. Still feel you with me. I wish, so much, that I could hold you just once more. That I could show you how much I love you, and how much I always will.

But I've been doing a lot of thinking recently. Like, a lot a lot. And it's made me realise a few things about my life, and about what I need to focus on now. It's not that I don't want to write to you any more, just that I think it's time I tried to start properly moving on. It's going to hurt, but I know the worst of the pain is already over, and I'm only making it worse by not doing this sooner. So, this will be the last letter I send you. It's not easy to say, or even write this, but it's past time I accepted that you're not coming back to me, no matter how much I wish for it. I'll never forget you or the times we had together, though. Never. I don't think I could if I tried. I really, sincerely hope you're happy, wherever you are.

I love you, Twilight Sparkle. Now and for always...

I miss you.

Dear Twilight,

I know I'm writing less and less now. The girls say they're worried about me, they say it's "unhealthy" to keep writing to you... They're probably right of course, but I don't know. I guess it's just tough, trying to pretend that you've stopped caring. Because you don't, not ever. I know it hasn't been forever yet, but I just won't. I'm not going to stop, and I'm never going to forget. Like I always said, I don't love you for a day, or for a week, or a month, a year, a decade. I love you forever. Until I draw my last breath, and longer if I have any say in the matter.

Anyway, Princess Celestia seems to be more or less okay again. She's started taking court again, and it's just that little bit warmer during the day. She visited Ponyville last week, and spent a while talking to Starfire. She wouldn't tell me what it was about though. I guess I'll just have to wait and find out, although I really don't like it when ponies keep secret stuff from me. I guess I'm just as curious as you. I hope whatever they were talking about was good, anyway. They were smiling a bit, so I'm not too worried about it being anything really bad.

Oh, Fluttershy's finally come out of her cottage too, which is good. We've been trying to get her to talk to other ponies for weeks now, and we'd kinda started thinking she might stay in there forever. She's out now though, and I got to talk to her yesterday. We just chatted, not about anything really important. She told me how her birds had been getting on over the last little while, and I told her about I mostly just listened. She's been spending a lot of time over at Rarity's recently, and I've heard them laughing a few times when I've passed the Boutique. Apparently, Rarity was the only one she'd talk to when she was hiding in her house, apart from the animals of course, and only when nopony else was around. To tell the truth, I feel a little down that she didn't trust in me too. I've known her longest! Not cool. Really though, I'm just glad she seems to be doing alright now.

AJ had a really good harvest this season, so she's had a few extra bits recently. I helped her out a bit with the bucking. It was nice, just spending some time together. I think she wants to send Applebloom to some fancy boarding school in Canterlot that Sweetie Belle's going to as well. It sounds like it'd be a big change, and not just for the girls. I'm not sure AJ really realises just how much she'll miss her sister if she goes up to this place... Castleview, or something like that. I don't know for definite, since I didn't hear it first-hoof, but I am a little worried for Scootaloo if they do go. She'd probably do okay for herself, but I think she'd still miss them. Hopefully something will work out there for them.

Pinkie Pie is still pretty crazy, same as always. Somehow, she managed to get herself stuck in a tree last week. Luckily, there were a couple pegasi nearby who got her down, but when they did, she just kept babbling about some talking chocolate sculpture, and eventually, they just put her back up in the tree! It was pretty funny, but I don't think she was very happy by the time I went to rescue her. Although, sometimes, I catch her sitting really quietly by herself, just staring at nothing. It's a bit worrying, but I think she'll be alright in time. We all will. You just left us so suddenly, and it came as such a shock, we barely knew what had hit us. It's been agesa long time quite a while now, but we're still picking ourselves up. We'll get there, as long as we still have each other, and we stick together.

One other thing – I decided to take up the Wonderbolts' offer of a place. Or rather, Starfire decided for me. I don't know how it'll work exactly, just that it's going to be hard, but she reminded me of something you always told her: that dreams are there for a reason, and if you don't chase them... well, then that makes you a pretty sad pony. It's funny how such a young filly can be so wise sometimes. She's so grown up now. It's a little sad, but at the same time she's so beautiful. So I said yes, more for her than for me. Because she's the thing that pushes me now. I can't let her down, not like I let y I just can't. She reminds me so much of you...

I miss you.

Dear Twi–

It's been a while. A lot's been happening recently, so I haven't had much time to write. I've got so many things I want to tell you about. So many things you're missing.

Starfire's still upset, of course, but she's doesn't really cry any more. She still misses her mom. I've been letting her just find her own way, but I don't really know if that's the right thing to do. It's just that every time I try to go to her and comfort her, I can never find the right words. We always just end up hugging for ages. If you were here, you'd know what to do. What to say. Then again, if you were here, you wouldn't need to say anything.

Spike's taken over running the library for the moment, at least until somepony else takes the job. This whole thing has been really hard on the little guy. He looked up to you like a big sister, and for you just to suddenly be gone has hit him bad. He's just been really quiet most of the time, only talking if somepony talks to him. I think hope he'll get over it eventually, but it's hard to know. He's only still a baby dragon after all.

Fluttershy's practically become a recluse. She's even worse than Spike – she actually won't talk to any of us. She just hides away in her cottage and won't come out. I tried asking some of her animals to get her to come out, but she won't even listen to them, which is kinda worrying. I really don't know what to do about her. She's one of my oldest friends, and it hurts that she won't even talk to me. I suppose the best thing to do is to give her time, but I'm really not sure. I just don't know what to do about anything... I wish you were here. You'd know.

Celestia's apparently been getting Luna to take her court sessions for her. The Sun's seemed a little less bright recently too. I guess things really are bad if the Princess of the Sun can't do her job properly. Not that I'm saying she can't! I know you loved her, almost like a mother... It's just that she's been around for years and years. You'd think that if anypony could handle something like this, it'd be her.

I haven't really seen much of the other girls recently, but I think they're mostly doing fine okay. They're getting by anyway. It's been hard for everypony. Life is supposed to go on though. I almost wish it wouldn't, but I know eventually I'm going to have to smile for everypony, and pretend that I'm happy again. I don't know if that's even truly possible anymore.

Oh, and the Wonderbolts finally offered me a place. I asked them if it was supposed to be out of sympathy or something, but Soarin just told me that they weren't that nice. I laughed a bit at that, first time in ages I found something funny. I told them I'd think about it though – I know I've still got it, I'm still the best... but there's other things on my mind right now. I've got to think about Starfire, and everypony else who still needs me in Ponyville. I'm just not sure it'd be the best thing right now. Well, that's something for the future anyway. Right now, I just want one thing. Need one thing.

You, Twi.

I miss you.

Dear Twilight

The funeral was today. The weather pegasi made sure that there wasn't a cloud in sight, which was pretty cool of them. Although, I kind of feel like it should have been raining. It would have seemed... right, somehow. Why should we get a pretty sky, if you're not there to enjoy it with us?

I think all of Ponyville turned up, and a lot of ponies from Canterlot came too, even the Princesses. They held the moon and the sun together in the sky through the whole thing, just for you. It was so beautiful... The second most perfect kind of Twilight. Celestia was pretty bad, she kept crying when she was trying to speak, and eventually she just had to step down.

I did my best to keep a straight face when it was my turn, but it was so hard... So hard, Twi. I was supposed to know what to do, what to say, but I just... didn't. Where was I supposed to start? What could I possibly say that could explain every thought I'd ever had of you, every emotion I'd felt for you, every memory we'd shared together? I stood up in front of the whole crowd, and opened my mouth, and nothing came out. I just couldn't find the words to show how much I loved you. So I told them the truth. I told them I loved you, and I sat down. That's it. Nothing more. I think they understood, though.

But I didn't cry then. No, it took our little Starfire to do that. She squeezed my hoof and got up, trotting in front of everypony to the beautiful memorial statue Luna created for you. She stopped, turned around, and said, "Twilight Sparkle is the best mom in Equestria." Not was. Is. She was so brave, not a single tear. Not then, anyway. I couldn't help it though. Seeing her like that, so fragile yet so strong, just pushed me over the edge, but she walked back and hugged me without saying a word. I was so proud, Twi. So completely lost without you, but so proud.

Almost everypony had something to say, memories to share. I don't think there was a single dry eye there. Everypony misses you Twi.

I miss you.

Twilight

I saw the girls today. They're all pretty shook up. None of us expected this, not at all. How could we have? We weren't prepared to lose you, or anypony I guess. We've known each other for so long now, but we're still so young... Too young.

Fluttershy's especially bad, I don't think she's stopped crying since she heard the news. The others were upset too, though. We all were are. It's like more than just losing a friend, or a partner. It's like losing a part of ourselves. Some part of our lives, a part we loved so much we couldn't explain if we tried, is gone. The part that had you in it.

Spike's completely devastated. He asked me whose number one assistant he's supposed to be now. I told him I didn't know. He's sitting staring out the window as I write this.

Starfire's distraught too of course. I'm most worried about her. I just don't know how I'm going to manage to bring her up like you would have wanted. I mean, what if she turns out like me? She needs somepony in her life who she can really relate to. I love her so much, but I was never that pony for her. I can encourage her, and help her, but I can't be you, Twi.

I ran away from my mother. I can't imagine how it feels to have hers taken from her.

And then there's me.

I miss you.

Twilight–

I wish you'd never gone to that stupid place. They didn't even need you that much. All that time you spent, and those ungrateful foals never appreciated you, not the way I did do. And just look what happened! Some stupid colt decides it's a good idea to bust into a magic practise area in the middle of class! It's all his fault! You didn't have to try to save him! And why didn't you at least just do something else? Like, just shield him or something! You were supposed to be the best! Surely you could have done it without k thought of another way. I'd throw him in front of a thousand fire spells if I could just have you back. The little idiot didn't even get in trouble! He was just told to go home. Yeah, I get that it was an accident, but that doesn't matter now, does it? Nothing matters.

It's just not fair, I didn't even get to see you before... It's not fair. I want you back.

I miss you.

I don't get it. How could this have happened? Twi, please write back, tell me this is all some weird joke. You're not really gone. I didn't really get there too late. You're just hiding out somewhere, waiting for me to fall for it. Right?

WHY?! Why? Whywhywhy? This isn't fair! Why did this have to happen? You didn't do anything to deserve this. I didn't do anything to deserve this! Did I? You're the smartest, best, most powerful unicorn ever. Why couldn't you fix it? You looked after me for so long, but you couldn't look after yourself? No, it's not fair. I should have been there to help you! Why didn't you contact me with magic? I could have gotten there so much quicker! I flew as fast as I could but it wasn't enough! They just told me I was too late when I got there. Just shook their heads and walked away, and it was just you and me. But you couldn't hug back. It's not fair!

Please come back, Twi! I need you! I love you!

I miss you.

Twilight,

What are you talking about? What happened? You know I love you too, of course I do! Nothing could ever change that!

Why can't you come home? And what's with all the "one last time" stuff? Are you hurt?

That letter really scared me Twi, don't play games about serious stuff like that. I don't think I could live without you. I need you with me. Even just these last two weeks has been horrible without you. I love you so much, it hurts just knowing you're somewhere I can't see you or talk to you. Or hold you.

I don't know what all that stuff about "fixing what's happened" was about, but if somepony's hurt you, you can be darn sure I'm going to "fix" their face with my hoof! I'm coming over right away – I don't really know why I wrote this reply, but it's done now. I guess I'll just deliver it to you myself. Heh, put the mailmare out of a job. "Rainbow Dash's Mail Service: Delivered Before You Know You Sent It!"

I really need to see you, it's been too long.

I miss you.

Dear Rainbow Dash,

I'm sorry, Rainbow. I'm not going to be able to come back. Something has happened here.

I want you to know that I love you so much. The time we've had together has been the best of my life, and even though we didn't always see completely eye to eye, I don't regret a minute of it. If I had to live my life again, I would only make one change, and that would be to have met you sooner. We accomplished so many things together, saw so much, and had such a good time while we did it all. I know I meant as much to you as you meant to me. It's funny how right it felt for us to be together, like it was the most natural thing in Equestria. I truly believe that we were meant to love each other, Rainbow, and even if we weren't, we did a pretty good job of it anyway! You were the best thing that ever happened to me, and you even managed to give me the most precious gift in the world, something no other mare in Equestria would could have.

When I took this job, I knew it would be tough. Being apart from the ones you love is never easy, or fun. But I also knew it would be worth it, to know that you would always be there for me to come back to. I never had to worry that I would wake up alone, because you would always be right there with me in my heart. It might sound silly, but it's true. I smelled you every time I woke up, saw you every time I turned a corner, heard your laugh on the wind, and felt your hooves around me every time I slept. You were there, even when you weren't.

I know you're going to want to try to fix what's happened, but believe me when I say it's too late it's not your fault and there's nothing you could do to help. It's for the best that you're back home. It would only have hurt you more if you were here.

I'll admit, I really do wish I could have seen you just one last time. Held you. That would have meant a lot to me.

Please, take good care of Starfire. Remember, I love you forever.

Goodbye, Rainbow.

Twilight.

Hey Twi,

When are you coming home?

I miss you.