Hands are a handful

by will1982

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Lyra, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Bon-Bon
Length: 3950

Lyra gets hands. Sadness ensues.

Lyra gets the fingered appendages she's always wanted, but will the social implications prevent her from
fully enjoying her new hands?

Published 2012-08-09 03:04:07 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-13 22:24:16 UTC

Chapter 1

Hands are a Handful
A My Little Pony fanfiction by will1982
Chapter 1-final draft (8/8/2012)

A/N: The text is rather small, you can change it at the top right if you want

Lyra sighed as she trotted down to the Ponyville library. She knew they wouldn’t have anything on humans, but it’s not like there was something else to do today.

When Lyra walked in the door, she was greeted by a warm smile from Ponyville’s resident librarian, Twilight Sparkle. Lyra was about to speak up, when she was interrupted by Twilight.

“I have something, Lyra.” Twilight trotted to the back and arrived a few seconds later with a dusty old tome.

“This is a book written by a philosopher that was obsessed with humans. He dreamt up spells that would supposedly allow a pony to gain ‘hands’. He was considered insane and put in an asylum before he could try these spells. However, they didn’t take his book. Here you go.” Twilight gave Lyra the book.

Lyra was speechless. “I-uh-really…”

Twilight spoke up. “Just take it.” She gently nudged Lyra toward the door.

Lyra walked slowly out the door, trying to process this. I could get hands? She thought. No way.

The lyre-playing mare arrived at her apartment a few minutes later.

Thank Celestia Bon-Bon is at work today. I can just tell that she wouldn’t approve of this! Lyra thought to herself. She cracked open the journal and began reading. It was scrawled in rather unintelligible writing, but Lyra knew it would be worth it.

-2 hours later-

Lyra’s ever-curious eyes were still glued to the book, but they were only doing it begrudgingly. The pony had gotten to page 127, and it was all mindless, babbling notes! Lyra decided to take a break, and glanced at the clock. It was 3:00 already!

Bon-Bon will be home soon! Lyra thought worriedly. She looked around the room. Today was my cleaning day! The now-panicked mare began rushing around the apartment, frantically cleaning and tidying up the place. As she was polishing the last table, Bon-Bon tiredly walked into the living area.

“Hey Lyra” she grumbled as she slumped onto the couch.

“Oh, hey Bon-Bon. How was work?” replied Lyra in a friendly voice.

“Ah, the usual.” Bon-Bon said. She began examining the room. “Wow, you really did wonders on this place!” she said in a more excited tone.

Lyra smiled and said quietly “Unicorn magic!”

Bon-Bon’s eyes met the table in front of her. “What’s this?” she said curiously, referring to the book Lyra had been reading.

Lyra panicked in her mind and hurriedly replied “Oh..er.. that’s nothing!” as she snatched the tome. She quickly magicked it into a corner and calmly trotted over to the couch.

Lyra is a crazy pony. Bon-Bon thought, pushing away the topic in her exhausted mind.

The two ponies spent the rest of the evening doing rather mundane events, such as eating, chatting, and just relaxing. At 10 o’clock, Bon-Bon decided to retire for the night.

“Goodnight, Lyra.” Bon-Bon half-yawned.

“’Night Bon-Bon. See ya tomorrow!” Lyra sang in a singsong voice.

Lyra waited in the foyer until she could insure that Bon-Bon was asleep. Once she heard light snoring coming from the bedroom, Lyra decided it was time to read. She snuck over to the corner where she had hidden the book a couple hours ago. Slightly less excited than she was before, Lyra opened up the large journal and began to read.

-15 minutes later-

Lyra was on page 201 by now. She was beginning to get to the good stuff, as the writer exclaimed his studies with monkeys and their fingered appendages.

“I can believe that these baffling…tools are very useful and versatile for the monkey. In my studies, these creatures can use their fascinating appendages to press and manipulate objects that a pony would have great trouble using.”

The next couple pages were just like this, explaining uses and anatomy of hands.

After page 215, the writer began talking about fictional creatures he dubbed “humans,” of which Lyra knew well. He explained that they may possess these “hands” just as the monkeys do, and went on to explain a very complicated spell that he believed would allow a pony to gain human-like hands.

Lyra studied the spell over and over, and after reading it approximately one million times, she felt confident that she could pull off this ridiculous feat of magic.

--Try 1: Lyra’s horn sparked and lit a lamp on fire, causing normal lamp to become soaking wet/charred lamp.

--Try 2. Lyra got one eighth of the way into the spell, before she noticed a cute little bug sliding across the ground. Long story short, the bug is now a pile of ashes.

--Try 3. The spell is halfway complete! All seems well, until Lyra starts daydreaming about what she could do with her new hands. Spell failure.

After many, many tries like this, Lyra was exhausted. It was 2 AM, she didn’t have hands, and the room was a mess.
Better try next time… Lyra thought sadly. She flopped onto the couch and fell into a fitful sleep.

--Unknown amount of hours pass—

Lyra woke up and groggily glanced at the clock. 12 PM it reads.
At least Bon-Bon wasn’t there. She probably rushed out for work hours ago, somehow not noticing the monumental mess that Lyra had managed to create.

Before she tried that spell again, Lyra wanted to be ready.

-1 hour later-
The room was covered in layer upon layer of bubble wrap. Lyra had covered up anything that might get damaged if something went wrong
.
“I’m READY!” she shouted.

Lyra calmly pulled out the book. She read over the spell a couple of times, and began.

--30 minutes later—
The bubble wrap is twisted and burned in some places. Lyra is covered in ash and smashed wood.

I give up. She thought, disappointed.
But then she realized…

I haven’t even read the whole book!
Lyra hovered the book over to her, sat in her favorite chair, and continued reading the massive literary wonder. It continued discussing humans, not mentioning the spell.
Until page 304, that is. It reads, in very sloppy and nervous-looking writing

“They’re coming. Just remember… when a unicorn performs a spell, it’s the object they’re focusing on, not themselves…”
Lyra flipped through the rest of the book, only to find blank pages. But at least she found the solution to her dilemma: Focus on yourself.

Chapter 2

Hands are a handful
Chapter 2: Final draft (8/10/2012)

It's such a nice day Bon-Bon remarked as she trotted through the sunny streets of Ponyville, loaded with saddlebags full of fresh vegetables.

Bon-Bon had just left work, and was looking forward to getting home and seeing what Lyra was up to at their apartment, probably studying "humans" or the like. Sometimes Bon-Bon did just not understand that mare.

After saying "Hi" to everypony she recognized, Bon-Bon was finally in front of her apartment, gazing at the solid wooden door.

With a quick twist of her hoof, the door creaked open, allow her to see what was inside.

The living area was completely untouched. Normally it would be covered in books, notes, or something related to humans.
In fact, Lyra was nowhere to be found. Bon-Bon searched the entire apartment, and Lyra was gone.

That is, until Bon-Bon opened the closet to put her saddlebags away. Sitting in there was an unconscious Lyra, the charred remains of anything that was in the closet, and a book. Bon-Bon, only mildly surprised by Lyra's mess. This seemed the kind of thing she would do.

But when Bon-Bon picked up Lyra to haul her to the couch, she noticed something.
Lyra didn't have front hooves. She had...paws? What were these things again?

Oh, right. They're hands. Bon-Bon remembered. She picked up the cyan pony and dragged her to the couch, laying her in a comfortable position.

Bon-Bon had no other choice but to wait.

--2 hours later--

Lyra awoke with a start. She couldn't quite put her finger on what happened. One second she was trying that spell, the next second she woke up here. Wait, finger? Lyra glanced down and saw, not a pair of hooves, a pair of cyan hands! Lyra tried to stand up, but due to her new appendages and the fact that she just woke up, standing up was really more tumbling off the couch onto the floor. After her disorientation wore off, Lyra managed to get to her hooves..er... hands..er..hands and hooves.

Lyra sat on the couch in her trademark position, stared at her hands, and began to cry. But these were no tears of sadness, for they were they were tears of joy. She was sobbing uncontrollably. She had HANDS!

After a sobbing period of 5 minutes, Lyra stood up. She stumble-walked to the fridge, grabbed a bottle of water with her hands, and fell over. Without having the two hands to balance herself, it was a bit tricky to use them without falling over. And then she realized: she didn't know how to use hands.

Well, did anypony else know how to use them?

Lyra racked her brain. Maybe not anypony, maybe any dragon!

Although excited, Lyra did not want the public to know of her new appendages just yet. She wanted to know how to use them first.
Lyra, being the crazy mare she was, had prepared for this miracle. She thought it would never happen, but Lyra prepared nonetheless.

She grabbed a pair of cyan-colored hooves and slipped them over her hands. Although a bit less stable, Lyra knew having to use these was better than getting premature attention for her fabulous fingers.

Lyra trotted out the door, a large grin on her face. She still couldn't believe this was real, but a couple of pinches from her new hands proved that this wasn't a dream.

--5 minutes later--
After a short walk through town, Lyra was at the massive tree that is Ponyville Library. She knocked on the door with her fake hoof, and Twilight could be heard clopping to the door. The studious unicorn greeted Lyra with a smile, and invited her in.

"How was the book?" Twilight asked.

Lyra just slipped off the fake hooves.

Twilight began to babble on how "it's not possible" and "this is historic!"

While that went on, Lyra went off to find Spike. He was found just a few feet away, reading a book in the kitchen, effortlessly using his claw-finger things to flip through the pages.

"Hey Spike!" Lyra said confidently.

"Hey Lyra" Spike replied, not even looking up from his book.

"Spike, I was wondering..." Lyra started.

Spike looked up from his book, noticing Lyra's hands, his eyes widening.

"Could you help me learn how to use my hands? You're the only..being I could think of that has hands..." Lyra finished rather nervously.

"Sure, Lyra. I'll give you the basics." Spike set his book down and stood up, cracking his knuckles in the process.

"Okay, Lyra, wiggle your fingers."

"How?"

"Um..imagine each finger is a little hoof, and you can move them all at the same time." Spike explained. At least that's how he thought it worked, but the little dragon didn't have hooves.

After 10 minutes and numerous explanations, Lyra finally managed to move more than one finger at a time.

The duo spent the next three hours doing various hand exercises and tasks. By the time Lyra stepped out of the kitchen, she could grasp, write, and walk more easily, all thanks to her new hands.

Before she could get out the door, Lyra was asked by Twilight to do an interview.

"An interview?" asked a puzzled Lyra.

"Of course! You're the first pony in recorded history to have hands!" replied the excited unicorn.

"It'll only be a few questions." Twilight asked, while wearing her best puppy dog face.

"Alright." said a slightly annoyed Lyra.

"First question: What does it feel like having hands?" asked Twilight, putting on a professional tone.

"Well, it's like having a lot of small, long hooves...I guess. It's hard to explain."

"Do you think hands will make your life easier?"

"Of course."

"And why would that be?"

"They're very versatile."

"Thank you for your time." said a satisfied Twilight.

Slipping on her fake hooves, Lyra walked out the door while saying "No problem."

Celestia's sun was beginning to set over the land of Equestria, and it was a truly beautiful sunset.

Stopping before the entrance to her apartment building, Lyra gazed at the setting sun.

Life is great.

And tomorrow, Ponyville will see Lyra's hands.

Chapter 3

Hands are a handful
Chapter 3: Final draft: 8/13/2012

A/N: My prereader can't preread this chapter, so please try to point out any mistakes in the comments

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Ugh. Bon-Bon always sets the alarm too early. Lyra thought as she dragged herself out of bed. Before she was even out of the bedroom, Bon-Bon had already packed her saddlebags and brushed her teeth.

The exact opposite of Bon-Bon, Lyra was not a morning mare. During the morning, she hated everything in Equestria until she got her cup of beloved coffee.

Lyra sat down at the table and tried to blink that tired, crusty feeling from her eyes. She kept blinking furiously until Bon-Bon set a cup of ~~heaven~~ coffee on the table.

Lyra picked up the mug by the handle, taking slow sips of the deliciously bitter liquid. As she slowly regained her critical thinking skills, Lyra remembered what she was going to do today.

She looked down to see what she was using to hold the mug.

--30 Minutes later--

Lyra was ready. She had taken a shower, which really "cleaned" up her morning (I'm not funny). She had persuaded Bon-Bon to go with her in her first trot through Ponyville with hands (exposed ones, at least).

After milling around for a bit and just cleaning up, Lyra was ready. She opened the door (with her hand, of course) and stepped out confidently. Lyra flexed her fingers and began trotting, Bon-Bon beside her.

It was a truly beautiful day. The sun was shining, the birds were chirping, and there was just a good vibe in the air. The grass was waving gently, and there were a few patches of puffy white clouds in the sky. As expected, Lyra got some pretty weird stares from a handful passing ponies.

Most ponies looked interested, with a slightly confused look on their face.

But there were some ponies that just looked mad. Why would they be mad?

But Lyra really didn't care. She had the hands that she's always, and at least she had one friend. And that one friend didn't judge her for things she liked.

After a happy little walk throughout Ponyville, the two mares decided to get a snack at Sugarcube corner, as neither of them really had breakfast.

A bell rang as they walked in, alerting Ponyville's resident fourth-wall breaker, Pinkie Pie, to their presence. She bounced up to the duo and asked what they would like.

"We'll just have two cupcakes." said Lyra.

"Okey dokey Loki!" replied Pinkie, as she hopped away happily.

The two decided to make small talk for about 15 seconds before Pinkie came back with two cupcakes, fresh from the oven.

After setting down the cupcakes on the table, Pinkie stared at Lyra's hands for exactly 2.4 seconds before saying "Here ya go!" and starting to trot away.

"She didn't say anything." said Bon-Bon.

"But she stared..." remarked Lyra.

"Oh, sorry about staring, Lyra." Pinkie said sincerely.

"It's just I've never seen a pony with hands." Pinkie then proceeded to stare at youthrough your...imagination, while bouncing away from Lyra & Bon-Bon.

"Typical Pinkie Pie." said Lyra, unsuprised.

The two made small talk while they ate their cupcakes. These were even better than normal, Pinkie must have put extra care into this batch, or maybe they just improved their ingredients. After they finished their food and left a tip for Pinkie, they left, Lyra leading the way.

"So, what do you want to do now?" Asked Bon-Bon.

"Want to go to the park? I don't wanna spend all day inside." replied Lyra hopefully.

"Sure." replied Bon-Bon. It's not like there was anything better to do.

Lyra got more of the same weird looks as she and Bon-Bon walked through Ponyville, heading towards the park. After walking with a couple minutes and getting some more stares, the pair of mares arrived at the park. They sat on the bench, Lyra assuming her trademark position. After looking around and seeing nothing, Lyra asked Bon-Bon if she wanted to play some games.

"What kind of games?"

--1 hour later--

After attempting to thumb wrestle, (not possible with hooves) play Rock-Paper-Scissors (Bon-Bon always got rock) and other "hand games" Lyra sadly realized that she couldn't play any of those games with her friend.

Lyra suggested they go for a walk instead.

Bon-Bon, rather bored, gladly accepted the offer to get some exercise. Lyra led the way to a short little trail through the woods.

The duo just walked through the woods, admiring nature, and the sun shining through the leaves. There were animals busy at work, trees waving in the wind,

After they left the woods, the pair decided to return home for the day, trotting back to their apartment in a couple of minutes.

"Thanks for the great day Bon-Bon, I really enjoyed it." said Lyra in a sweet, appreciative voice.

"No, thank YOU for the great day!" Bon-Bon replied, blushing slightly, then sitting on the couch and picking up Hayrey Potter and the Unicorn's Stone, the newest hit book in Equestria.

Lyra decided to relax and read a little too. But she wanted to read something different. She picked up that old journal, sad to see that she destroyed most of it when she performed the hand spell.

But as she opened the cover, a note that hadn't been there before fell out.

It read:
"3..."

Three what? Lyra pondered.

I know it has something to do with the spell, because it's apparently the page right after it. 3. 3 what?

Lyra sat there, pondering all types of threes, like three bits, three bananas, three milkshakes, and all other types of crazy stuff.

After about an hour, Lyra had gotten to dates. Three years? Three Months? Those were too big. Maybe three days?
But what could three days mean?

Maybe three hands? No, that's dumb.

Maybe the spell wears off in three days. But Lyra couldn't be sure, it had a thousand meanings!
But she knew who could be sure.

Chapter 4

Twilight Sparkle rubbed her hoof against her head in frustration. She couldn't seem to figure out what that number meant. She had run multiple tests, and verified that it was part of the journal, but it held no magical properties, which was interesting considering it contained magical spells.

"Is there anything you could do?" Lyra pleaded.

"Well, I could..." Twilight said in an unsure voice

"Could what?" Lyra said in an excited voice.

"I could perform the magicka granus el-perfaso spell."

"Speak Equestrian."

"Er...it's a spell that can decipher most cryptic writings, but it is extremely exhausting and will destroy the item trying to be read. It might not work either..."

"It's worth a try, isn't it?"

Twilight, knowing Lyra's unrelentless personality, gave up arguing and prepared to perform the spell.

--10 minutes later--

After performing multiple tests to verify that she was both mentally and physically prepared, Twilight Sparkle did feel ready.
Her horn lighting, Twilight began the spell. She was soon enveloped in a deep magenta glow, stopping Lyra (who was protected behind a magic-proof glass sort of thing) from seeing what was happening.

--2 minutes later--

Just as Lyra started to get tired of waiting, there was a bright flash, and then the light subsided, revealing an unconscious Twilight. The note was gone, and Lyra began to get worried that the information was lost. Lyra sat on the couch, waiting for the sleeping unicorn to wake up.

--5 minutes later--

Twilight felt woozy.

"Whear urm I?" she said in a groggy, exhausted voice.

"Well, you performed a spell...and passed out." replied Lyra.

As her critical thinking slowly returned, Twilight remembered what happened.

"Oh, about your note...here's what it means..." she grumbled.

Twilight proceeded to write a series of odd-looking glyphs on a pad of paper.

"Uhh..Twilight?" Lyra expressed.

"Yes?"

"Uh, I can't read it, do you think you could translate it to Equestrian?

"I could, but translating from Ancient Ponyglyphs to Equestrian represents a rough loss or distortion of 12.3567 percent, if that's fine with you."

"Um...yes?" said a rather confused Lyra.

The purple unicorn then proceeded to translate each glyph into rough Equestrian. The result was this:

Three hand days

Peering over at it, Lyra tried to deduce what it meant.

"What does it mean, Twi?"

"It means your hands will only last three days."

"But I got them yesterday!"

"Well then you have two days left. Go ahead and use, unless you would like to study with me."

Lyra walked out the door, her mind filled with sadness.

I try this hard, and my reward only lasts three days? she thought miserably.

As if on cue, it began to rain.

Well, if I just mope around the next two days, I won't really enjoy my hands, will I?

Even though Ponyville had seen her hands already, she was gonna take it one step further.

Lyra was not gonna let Ponyville just passively see her hands.

She was gonna make a show.

And that way, everypony in Ponyville would see hands. As Lyra was obsessed with the titular appendages, that was good. She wanted everypony to know what hands were.

But what would she do in this show? After poring her brain for a while, Lyra came up with the following routine, all involving hands:

Warm-Up: Play the piano (why do they make pianos if almost nopony can play them?)

Act 1: Type faster than nopony before, with the typewriter!

Act 2: Juggling

Act 3: Cup stacking (Look it up!)

End: Use various hand tools with more finesse than ever before!

Well, Lyra didn't know how to do these things. She had some hand tools and cups, but where would she get a ball?

Pinkie Pie.

So off Lyra went to Sugarcube Corner to find the ever-knowing being named Pinkie Pie. Lyra recalled Pinkie Pie saying "I have balls stashed all over Ponyville in case of ball emergency!"

--5 minutes later--

As Lyra trotted in to Sugarcube Corner, she was immediately greeted by the sugar-powered energy ball known as Pinkie Pie.

"Hilyrahowareyoudoingwantacupcakethey'refreshbaked!" she said so quickly that it was tough to understand.

"Um, no thanks Pinkie,I just want to borrow a couple of balls."

"What kind of balls? I have mini-balls, giant balls, rubber balls, paper balls, apple balls, any kind of ball!"

"Uh, do you have juggling balls?"

"Well of course I do silly! Be right back."

With that, Pinkie rushed into the back. A few clanks and rustles were heard, before the pink pony emerged with a dusty old set of juggling balls.

"Here you go Lyra! Keep them as long as you like!"

Not about to question why Pinkie had a bunch of juggling balls, Lyra set out to practice.

Alright

Here's the deal: I'm really busy.
Putting story on hiatus.
Will write on next school break.
Which is... Christmas!

WOO YAY MORE TIME TO PROCRASTINATE

Listen to this, meanwhile.