Author's Note

Fic Contains The Following:

Legal in Neighbraska Bonus

To Glory! Bonus

Smashing, Smashing Everywhere Bonus

Fancy Smashes Bonus

The Only Useful Part of Sandbar Is His Dick Bonus

Drowsy Blowjob Bonus

Yona Sucks A Lot of Cock Bonus

Spit-Roasted Yak Bonus

Multiple Creampie Bonus

Unearthly Noises Bonus

Best Friends Who Eat Out Way Too Often Bonus

Mine Eyes Have Seen The Glory of the Smashing of the Yak

Dust drifted down onto the table with every heavy breath Yona let out. Occasionally a small piece of debris would work its way out of her braids and drop to the floor. The green pony in the corner of the room would glance over now and then, and add a note to her report, but made no move to grab a broom.

The door behind Yona opened, and the pony guarding her rose to her hooves, saluting. For her part, Yona was too busy fuming to pay attention.

“Congratulations,” a voice said. “My deputies were most impressed by the damage.” The perky, cream-coloured pony who sat across from her had a bigger hat than Prince Rutherford. She set her golden badge down on the table, angling it so Yona could see she was The Sheriff Pony. “And they've seen a lot of bar fights in their time.”

Her Power Smash had gone true, then. Yona's shoulders relaxed an inch. If nothing else good came out of tonight, at least she upheld yak standards.

Sheriff Pony eyed the small pile of debris between them, then leaned down to consider the larger pile on the floor. “Miss … Yona, correct? I'm Sheriff Star Lily. I'm sorry for not allowing you to clean up, but you're carrying a great deal of evidence with you. Did my deputy ask if you were injured at all?”

“Our helpful informant indicated she was fine,” Green Pony offered from the corner. “She also indicated she was of age of majority, as were all her friends, understood she wasn't being held, and was free to leave at any time. We were waiting for you before we proceeded with evidence collection, due to, um, extenuating circumstances.”

“Quite,” Sheriff Pony said, looking Yona up and down. She took her hat off and set it down beside her badge, allowing a waterfall of lilac mane to spill over her shoulders. “Miss Yona, I'm also sorry you've had to wait. We're used to simple fights down at The Peppered Pegasus, and breakage of the occasional table or window. You, however, have kicked up a rather large can of worms.”

In the past, Yona wouldn't have recognized the metaphor, but three years in the School of Friendship and assimilating five other cultures into her worldview had given her quite the education. However, she'd also learned the value in playing dumb to get information. And right now, she wanted information. “Yona not see any worms in cans there. It bar, not bait shop.”

Sheriff Pony rubbed her foreleg across her muzzle, hiding her grin. “Well, what I meant was, you've revealed something to us, something we've only guessed at before tonight, and some ponies aren't happy about it.”

Yona grunted, settling, and dislodging another small shower of dust and wood fragments. “Good. Ponies should not be happy about lies. Lies hurt.”

“I'm sure smashing hurts more,” Sherrif Pony noted, no longer hiding her smile. Her gaze flicked towards the door, then to the green pony behind her, still taking notes. “Miss Yona ...”

“Yona fine enough,” she offered. “Just Yona.”

“Very well. Yona, from what your friends out there all tell us, you were simply passing time while waiting for your train back to Ponyville, correct?” Sheriff Pony folded her front hooves together and looked very interested.

Yona nodded. Woods scraps pattered onto the floor.

“Whose idea was it to go there?” The question was gentle, demanding answers without being demanding. “I know dining options out here in Omareha are limited, but we have a very good canteen at the train station. You could have stayed there.”

Indignation warred with her sense of co-operation, and Yona restrained herself from getting up onto her feet again. Five of the Six, the ones who weren't ponies, often had to explain their reasons for 'being' somewhere, and it irritated her. Sandbar almost never had to justify his presence, so why should she? But so far, Sheriff Pony had asked nicely. Respect meant respect returned.

“Ponies afraid of unknown.” she finally said. “We stay in station, huddle together, then leave? Ponies breathe sigh of relief and go about day. But we go out, wander around, spend money? It make us familiar, mean more to town. All part of making friends.”

Sheriff Pony seemed to understand. “So, nopony implied you should go to the Pepper for any other reason than to be seen?”

“Wanted good food,” Yona admitted. “Sit in nice place.” She scowled. “Place nice. Then ponies lie to Yona.”

“Yes, tell me about that,” Sheriff Pony said, leaning forward. “Nopony quite seems to have seen what went on ...” She gestured encouragingly.

“Yona finish food before friends.” She shrugged. “Happens, with appetite. Yona already have one mead with food, could handle much more, but yak drinking too much make ponies nervous. Instead, Yona stretch legs and admire wood carvings on bar. Overhear talk about 'glory hole in back room'. Yona always taught to seek glory for herself, as well as for all yaks. Sound like good way to make Headmare and Counsellor Ponies proud.” Her shoulders moved and a rumble filled her chest. The debris pile on the floor grew larger. “Turn out, it not what Yona thought.”

Sheriff Pony blinked, the first break in her amused persona. “Go on?”

“Yona go down hallway in back of bar. It narrow, but ponies move aside, mostly. Smug Pony ask Yona if she there for reason. Yona say she want chance at glory, can smash well if needed. Smug Pony say he have room for Yona.” Her head drooped, then she looked up and scowled. Stamping a front hoof, she dislodged a section of doorframe that bracketed her shoulder. “He insult Yona by sticking pony thing through hole into face without asking! Yona not take insult like that, so Yona smash!”

Suddenly doubling over in a coughing fit, Sheriff Pony turned around towards Green Pony. She cleared her throat and asked hoarsely. “Do we have this, uh, Smug Pony, Deputy?”

“We do, ma'am, and he's known to us.” Green Pony's grin could not be any wider. “Minor nuisance, mostly. Not his first roust for this sort of thing. First stint in the hospital for it, though.”

“I see, I see.” Sheriff Pony didn't turn back around, although she spoke loudly enough for Yona to still hear her. “Deputy, I believe the rest of my conversation with Miss Yona will be off the record. We have all the testimony we need, and I'll arrange for evidence collection shortly. Please go and assure her somewhat anxious friends that we'll have her back in their care quite soon.”

Saluting, Green Pony gathered up her notes, bestowed a wink on Yona, and left the room. When the door clicked shut behind her, Sheriff Pony shook herself and turned back towards Yona. “Okay, no one can hear us. Miss Yona, and yes, I know, it's 'just Yona', I'm going to declare this a case of cultural misunderstanding. Do you know what that means?”

Yona knew what that meant. It meant she wasn't in too much trouble. Ponies used 'misunderstanding' around her often. “Yona familiar with term.”

“Good.” Sheriff Pony took a breath. “Now, believe me when I say, you did nothing wrong.” She reached her hooves forward, pressing them to the tips of Yona's. “You didn't understand what that term meant, and you felt it was something much more … well, innocent than it was. Ponies assumed, they scared you, and you reacted with reasonable force.” She pressed her hooves against Yona's, subtly testing her strength. “Um, reasonable for a yak.”

“Yona not scared!” She snorted indignantly, but she still let Sheriff Pony cover her hooves. “Yona offended at assumptions. That not honourable behaviour!”

“True,” Sheriff Pony allowed, “but they weren't clear about their intentions for you. Those back rooms … move around. We learn of one, maybe we shut it down, and they just open another one elsewhere in town.” She sighed. “Some ponies like it, and they do … um, things like that for a few bits. The thrill of not being seen, of having somepony on one side of the hole or the other. It's mostly harmless, and not illegal, so we only take action if something big happens.” Pointing her hoof at Yona, she smiled again. “You qualify as something big.”

“Why called 'glory hole'?” Yona wanted to know. She didn't care what sex things ponies wanted to do with other ponies, or if they asked her nicely to join them in it. Offences like besmirching honour, however, she cared about. “Glory not anything like that.”

Curling her hoof, Sheriff Pony coughed into her foreleg, her pale cheeks shaded red. “I, uh, don't know where the term came from, Yona. It's been around for ages, and doesn't have anything to do with the honour somep- um, someone like you has obviously gathered in her life.”

Yona heaved a sigh and slowly sat down, lowering her head and resting her chin on a clear portion of the table. “Yona understand,” she said mournfully, resisting the urge to plant the rest of her face on the shiny metal surface. She had too much sawdust in her braids and eyelashes. “Yona not happy, but she understand.”

“Okay.” Sheriff Pony closed the folder beside her, got up, and replaced her big hat, tucking her badge back into her pocket. “Good. Thank you, Yona. You may leave, and take the train home to Ponyville, but I can't let you take half the Pepper with you.” She came around the table and gingerly patted the yak. “If your patience can hold a bit longer, my crime scene pony will clean you up, and I will deal with all the unhappy ponies here. That's my job, and I'm very good at that.” She perked her ears and tried a smile. “Your friends can sit with us while we do this, that's allowed. Do you want to see them?”

Grunting, Yona nodded. She didn't want to say anything else. Her thoughts were too jumbled to make any more sense.

-~~-~~-~~-~~-

“If we'd known, we could have stopped you,” Gallus pointed out over lunch.

Yona grunted. She hadn't slept well, and the morning's graduate-level Friendship courses hadn't improved her mood. “Please. Gallus just flap around and laugh when Yona smash things.”

“He also ranks the smashing out of ten,” Smolder added, sitting down with her tray and putting her back to the rest of the student population. “Personally, I'd rate that a six, at best. Even the fallout was lacking.”

“The investigating officer was really, really nice, though,” said Ocellus. She sorted through all the greens on her plate. “And the sheriff's office was an upgrade over the police station in New Neighico.”

Smolder rolled her eyes. “We are never setting claw in a town called Talent or Consequences again. Especially when only one of us has a cutie mark, and it's for ...” She shoved at Sandbar, who'd unwisely chosen to sit beside her. “What's your talent again?”

Sandbar shrugged. “We didn't need it. Yona's Five Star Frog Smash there did the trick.”

“Trick?” Silverstream echoed, “It brought the house down!”

“Literally!” chorused Smolder and Gallus, then they both cackled and high-fived paw to claw across the table.

Yona grunted.

Concerned, Silverstream pressed up against her side, snuggling her feathers against Yona's shaggy coat. “Guys, Yona might still be traumatized!” she hissed. “Nogriff deserves to have that done to them!”

“Good thing it wasn't me,” Smolder said. She flexed her claws and let a curl of smoke waft from her nostrils. “Yona left an imprint of that dude in the wall. I'd leave nothing but a shadow.”

Ocellus buzzed her wings, hovering in her seat. “Sheriff Star Lily said she would give the ponies responsible an 'endangering the public' fine, given they insulted a yak. Apparently Neighbraska has a territorial law against being recklessly stupid.”

“Nice,” Gallus commented, “but also, a shame. Stupidity helps keep the population in check.”

Sandbar raised his hoof and opened his mouth, but closed it again as he caught Gallus and Ocellus' gaze.

Yona grunted.

Her friends all looked at her and stayed silent.

She resisted the urge to flip the table. It wouldn't be fair to their lunches. “Yona not traumatized. Yona still not understand.” She had said she understood to the Sheriff Pony, but it had just been the fastest way of ending the conversation.

Gallus craned his neck and peered around the quadrangle. Most of the ponies who attended the School had finished lunch and gone to do other things before the afternoon bell rang. Others still hung around the tables or the fountain, talking and laughing. No one was close enough to overhear.

He dropped back down. “What, don't yaks have anonymous sex?” he asked. “We would try it in Griffonstone, if it weren't such a dump. There are plenty of holes, but right beside them is another hole, across from another hole, beneath yet another hole, so there's not a lot of privacy. You pretty much know who you're engaging with.”

Smolder sniggered. “What happens if you fill all the holes?”

Ocellus made a face. “Don't answer that, Gallus. We have too many holes in the Changeling Hive for me to think about them like that. For once, there's information I can stand not knowing.”

“Yona not care what ponies do in the dark,” she interjected. “Yona thought ponies care about glory, but that? That not glory. Princess Headmare Pony bring glory to town, to family. Fast Blue Pony do same for herself. But Yona not understand how glory hole have glory at all. Make Yona grumpy.”

“Let it go,” Smolder advised. “It's not like you can wander Equestria, asking at seedy rest stops and bars for their glory hole, and then smashing it in by right of vengeance.” She considered that. “Although, that'd make a really cool movie.”

Sandbar chuckled. “They'd have to rate it 'Cutie Marks + 6', just because of all the smashing.”

Yona rolled her eyes and tuned out her friends' foray into filmmaking. She wasn't hurt, even though she'd smashed a couple of walls, a door, and more than a few crates. Her horns and coat had protected her head, and she had no cuts or nicks. Sheriff Pony and her helpers had given her the best care outside a yak hot spring spa, too. Not only had they politely asked about undoing her braids, they'd brushed through her mane and shawl to make sure she wasn't hurt, then rebraided her mane in the proper yak style.

Her confusion roiled, though. Even knowing the griffons' strange version of pride, the dragons' lack of honor, and the hippogriffs' tendency to hide in the face of threats, Yona still believed all creatures understood the concept of glory. Where was the glory in rutting part of yourself through a hole for some other creature you'd never see?

Lunch ended soon after and her friends scattered to their various research projects and classes. The smartest thing she could do was return to her room, lie down, and close her eyes. Soft pony bed was excellent for napping. Perhaps when she awoke, a clearer mind would give her better answers.

Instead, Yona slipped out through the side archway to the sports field, and made for the equipment shed. Her training trunk lay on a middle shelf, and she hefted it onto her back. She would achieve a clearer mind the best way possible: by being a yak.

A hoofball game took up the middle of the field, while other ponies engaged in a steeplechase around the track. Yona bypassed them, wandering over to a bare patch of empty grass with a few extra hay bales lying around, far enough from everyone. She knelt to slide the trunk off onto the grass and deftly flipped the latches open with her horn.

Ironwood stakes lay in neat rows inside, along with a stack of alternating blue and white ring targets, designed to neatly split apart when struck in the proper spot. Yona considered, then grabbed a stake in her teeth and carried it over to jam it into the turf. One here, three there, another pair stacked sideways, yet another canted at a high angle. Targets went over the tips, sometimes on the top, sometimes one at each end. She laid out the course from the lowest level, shoving in hay bales here and there as needed. Her brain needed a complete routine, starting from the basics.

The last thing she removed from the trunk was her helmet, and Yona flipped it into the air. Catching it with her head, she clamped it against the base of her horns, and pressed down with a hoof to make sure it stayed snug. Stretching her neck, she rolled it from side to side, loosening up. She shook each leg, and arched her back to pull out the night's stiffness. Her sides flexed as she puffed her breath in and out.

To a yak, glory meant overcoming the odds, smashing through the biggest barrier one could find, and standing before all of Yakyakistan as a conqueror of obstacles. That was one way. Some yaks brought glory to their kind through yuvidaphone playing, or making armour. Then there was Yona's way.

Prince Rutherford had sent her to this school, to this empire, to bring yak ways to ponies. Ponies would appreciate yak culture, learn to strive for perfection, and make their home better. Some of that had come true, and not just for ponies. Yona Yak made her friends better, and they made her better in return. Yak strength stronger when her friends stood by her. She had taken that truth into her soul early on. Her glory lay in being the best friend she could.

Why, then, did this abomination of a hole annoy her so much? The ponies she knew wouldn't bother with that sort of thing, and even she couldn't reach all of Equestria with yak standards. Smolder was right, too; she couldn't travel the land and smash every single glory hole she came across.

All four hooves dug into the turf and Yona snorted. Clear the course first, then she could clear her head.

Smash. Level One. Clear A Path.

Yona lunged forward, throwing clods of earth up as she charged. The basics. Head down. Eyes up. Weight moving.

The first target snapped clean off as her forehead plowed through it, the ironwood pole not vibrating an inch. Yona slid to a stop, slewing around and lashing out with a back hoof that cracked through another target. Her head swung, looking for opponents who would come for her after the first two strikes, and feinted at them to drive them back. She dipped down and scooped with her horns, flicking her powerful neck up. A target spun into the air, and she reared up to meet it as it fell, front hooves catching it in mid-spin, smacking it to the ground, and snapping it in two.

Smash. Level Two. Find And Defend Your Space.

Once she'd pushed the first wave of attackers back, she would need room. Hooves splayed, Yona stared down an imaginary horde, then peeled off to her left and ducked past a pair of ironwood poles, her horns piercing the targets atop them. As they fell apart, she trotted into an open space, surrounded by a ring of targets at various heights. She paused, chest heaving, taking in everything she could. Intimidation was key, as opponents who hung back would watch her smash the foolish ones who attacked first.

Leaping, Yona led with her hooves. They snatched a target clean off a pole and she brought it up to her face, driving it into the ground with her helmet in a Power Smash. Her head snapped up in a toss again, showering dirt over the area, then she whipped around with a snarl. If anyone had been on her horns for that toss, their scream and thud while she stared down any other opponents would give pause.

She braced against an imagined rush, kicking out low at targets that represented knees and ankles. As they popped, Yona 'chased her tail' defensively, keeping her own legs moving. Whirling, she wrapped her forelegs around a propped-up hay bale, and fell on it with her full weight in a Spiral Smash. Her shoulder drove it into the turf, Yona rolling over it, tucking her chin in to keep her horns free. If she landed wrong on her back with her horns lodged in the dirt, her neck would suffer. And a yak on their back was easy to attack.

Yona uncurled as she hit her feet again, and charged towards the tree she had wedged a target in. Someone might be in the air, and if they threatened her, she had to show she was an equal threat. She sprang, all four legs off the ground, and gathered her hooves together. Bounding off the trunk, she knocked the target off the branch, with a flurry of leaves raining down. She smacked it and heard the crack as it split.

Smash. Level Three. Fear The Yak.

Steam curled from her nostrils as she snorted, now riled up. If an opponent still insisted on attacking, despite repeated demonstrations of yak superiority, stronger smashes could be employed. Yona had only a few in her repertoire, but the more she practised, the more they would become instinct.

Muscles moved beneath her thick coat, and she fell on a hay bale, scooping it up in her horns. Rearing, she snapped her neck and threw it out of the circle, taking out a target. A Smash of Fate took out a middle bale in a stack of three cleanly, the top bale landing neatly atop the bottom. The top bale then fell victim to a Grab and Smash.

A Northern Lights Smash flung a victim in a skid across the grass, and Yona charged in pursuit. She leapt up a short stack of bales, breathing harder, and as she soared off the top, she spread her body wide as Father Yak himself had taught her just last year.

The Five Star Smash connected, crushing the hay bale beneath her. The stuffing billowed everywhere as Yona crash-landed. Her ribs protested the impact, driving the breath from her body, and Yona rolled off with a groan. She clambered to her hooves, puffing, and swept through a slow circle, tracing her space out ahead of her with a hoof. After that smash, who would stand against her? Snorting a final challenge, she looked around.

Empty poles greeted her, some askew. A swath of churned up grass and earth lay around her. The hoofball game had stopped, as had the steeplechase, and everypony had their gaze fixed on her.

Yona stared back at them, then turned away. It was nothing they hadn't seen before at the School, if any one of them paid attention. She practised often enough, offered to teach smashing techniques, but ponies refused to risk their heads, even with helmets.

Flopping down in the shade of a tree, Yona pawed her helmet off. It thumped to the ground and she shook her mane out as she lay there, panting.

“That's really something to watch, every time.”

Counsellor Pony walked up to Yona, two mugs held in her light blue magic glow. One dipped in front of her in offering and she accepted it. “Thank you,” she said, sipping at the water. “Pony could learn. Magic may vanish, but pony can smash if needed.”

“Oh, I don't think my head's hard enough,” Counsellor Pony said with a laugh, “and I'm not the 'crushing' type. I prefer talking my way out of problems.”

“Ponies talk lots,” Yona muttered, taking another drink. “Then they run because they seem weak. That why dragons not respect ponies, but respect yaks. Griffons respect yaks, too.”

“Ponies respect yaks, too, as friends,” chided Counsellor Pony. “The reason the griffons do is because the yaks smashed up Griffonstone in the last century over a failed alliance. Respect from fear isn't the same thing as being friends, Yona. You know that.” She sat down beside her and patted a foreleg. “I don't suppose you'd like to talk about it?”

Yona eyed her. “How much Counsellor Pony know?” She was sure the Sheriff Pony hadn't sent a report to Headmare Pony, but one never knew. Nopony had brought it up, so she had figured they were in the clear. Besides, if Headmare Pony worried every time some pony panicked at seeing a yak, she would have worn a groove around her desk from pacing.

“Let's pretend I know nothing, which isn't very hard,” Counsellor Pony admitted. “I saw you start at the basics, which you only do if you're upset, and so I'm here to listen.”

She blew a heavy breath out, settling her weight down and gulping more water. “Yona offended, but not sure why. No one here!” she hastened to add, as the pony looked alarmed. “It happen on trip back from Dragon Bowl with friends. Yona visit glory hole, hoping to cover self in glory, make you proud. But it not what Yona thought.”

The expression on Counsellor Pony's face defied description. “Um, could you pretend I know even less than nothing and give me some more detail?”

Yona cocked her head. “Yona overhear ponies talk, think she have chance at glory, but it just ponies playing tricks. Sheriff Pony try to explain, but Yona still not understand why words used for perverted thing.” She explained what had gone on in Omareha.

“Oh. Oh.” Counsellor Pony's face didn't quite clear up, but the strain left her ears. “Oh, Yona. It's not always easy when you find out something like that. Like the time someone offered me grass over in Sunset Shimmer's universe.” She stuck her tongue out. “Not the tastiest stuff I've ever had, but it turns out you're not supposed to eat it.”

“Friends say same thing, that Yona just learn to live with knowledge, but it hard.” Yona fought a pout, rolling the empty mug between her hooves. “Yona come to Equestria to make it better, because yaks make things better. Things not good? Add a yak. It get better.”

Counsellor Pony laughed at that, as if it were a joke. “Yona, you will get over it eventually, because you know it's not the only way to use that word. You know what it truly means, in your heart.” She reached out and pressed her hoof to Yona's chest. “Glory lives here, inside you, and you've shown that before, to both Equestria and Yakyakistan. We're all better for knowing you, and having you in our lives.” She finished the drink in her own mug (Yona suspected empathy cocoa) and got to her feet. “Come on, let's clean up your course. I'll reassemble the targets.”

“Counsellor Pony too kind.” Unicorn magic could put them together faster than Yona could, and she appreciated that. “Yaks might never use magic, but that not mean we don't appreciate pony magic.” She heaved herself upright, then froze as the words bounced around in her mind. “Wait. Yona have breakthrough!”

Counsellor Pony looked over her shoulder, her wide smile sparkling. “Great! So glad I could help!”

“Oh, yes. Counsellor Pony help lots.” Yona smiled to herself and trotted after her to help uproot the ironwood stakes from the ground.

-~~-~~-~~-~~-