Fluttershy and TreeHugger get baked (Happy 4/20 Fim)
Fluttershy was iceberging on her couch, wearing some fly slides that Rarity had made her out of the hemp to keep her hoovsies warm at home time off from work to play, “Man, I sure do appreciate that generous ass horse. She’s made my life exponentially more comfy. Don’t you agree, Angle Rabbit?”
Angel bunny turned to her with the speed of not very fast, “That bitch laughed at my dick. I cried for that hoe.”
“That sucks, man.” Flutterhigh said.
Several hundred thousands knocks at the door interrupted their conversation, “Oh shit, I hope that’s not the weed police.” Futterbar became a state of liquid, and slid off of the couch until she washed up at her front door. She transformed the door into a state of no longer being closed, “Oh shit It is my Zebra-American. What does it do, Tree Hugger?”
“Greetings fellow horse. I have aquired the tetrahydrocannabinol. The time is upon us to become trees using the tree.” Her earth appendages led her into the cottage.
Tea Hugger sat together with Fluttershy on the couch and delivered onto this bowl a big holy weed, “Are you prepared for terminal ingestion of this substance, Fluttershy?”
“Kill my dead ass, homie.”
“I will assist your suicide with this dish of green squish.” Flea Mugger lit the fires of Olympus. SlutterFly kissed the barrel, and blew her brains out with the future chronic. Butterfly filled her entire body with the good smoke for nine hundred seconds, and then turned herself inside out, “What a turn of events.”
Green Horse agreed, “No mortal was designed to handle such power. Observe, I will tempt death itself.” She took her bowl, and put the entire thing into her mouth, crunching the shards of broken glass and morsels of flaming mother earth alike, swallowing its contents forever, “Behold, I am become weed.”
“Fuck.”
One entire single big knock hit the door, “Fuck,” said Flubbershy again, “If the police ask; You’re not a weed, okay?”
“Affirmative.”
Yellow Scared Horse drifted over to the door and sacrificed it to the Elder Gods, “Oh damn, it’s you, homie. Had me mad frightened.”
“Good morning, Fluttershy!” a slithering draconequus glided through the air with ease, “It’s such a wonderful day outside, you know. And I was simply wondering if you’d like to accompany me for a tea party in the meadow.” offered Discord, contorting his body around Flyhorse, “I’ll bring my gravy boat puppies~!” he teased playfully.
YellowScared stared blankly, “Nah,” she pushed him out of the door with a very long hoof that pushed him away to a location that was very far away forever, “‘Fuck outta here with that gay shit, zigga.”
“B-But Fluttershy!” Discord did not go away very good, “You’re my dear friend and I really wanted to spend time with you today. I just don’t understand. Why don’t you want to come to my tea party?”
“Leaf water banquets are inefficient methods for succumbing to the influences of medicinal herbs.” said Tree Hover.
“What!?” gasped the Lord of Chaos, “Are you two smoking Weed together? And without moi!?”
“Yeah.” replied Quiet Horse plainly.
“Oh Yeah? W-Well...” Dejected, Discord stormed in and threw himself against the couch, almost tossing off the little hippie pony, “Well, I can smoke weed too! I used to be quite the sick stoner back in my hay day!” He chuckled in a very fatherly way, “I smoked so much of the dank kush, you wouldn’t even believe!”
“Can you don’t?” pleaded Flutterno.
“Please cease all vocal functions at once.” Tree Lover agreed.
“Here!” Discord snatched an old yellowed bowl from thin air, “Damn son! Where’d ya’ find this?” before crudely packing it with the hippie’s herb, “I’ll show you just how to smoke, like a boss!”
Flutterdie shattered into fifteen quintillion pieces.
“This behavior is absolutely unacceptable.” Treenut Butter malfunctioned, “At this moment, I am seething with very angry.”
“Oh hush,” the draconequus giggled flamboyantly. In a poof, Spike, the worst character on the show, appeared with a confused scream. Discord grabbed him like a fat whoopie cushion and squeezed him until fire snorted out of his gullet, alighting the bowl, “Now beat it, you fat nasty trash!”
“Yeah, you suck, Spike.” Agree Buttershy.
“But I’m endearing!” and then he wasn’t endearing anymore because Discord teleported him away, hopefully into a trash compactor.
“Now watch as I light this sticky icky.” Discord huffed, the embers in his pipe glowing, but it didn’t last long. He began coughing uncontrollably. Discord attempted to compliment the chronic, but his bluff went up in smoke.
“Your moves are weak, you look like a freak, the door you should seek.” Fluttercry roasted as Discord’s dignity slowly died.
“Negative” Trash Hugger disagreed, “Sensors indicate bacteria. Current territory status; contaminated by boomer microbes. Immediate quarantine and disengagement recommended.”
“Yo, let’s go eat some burgs. I’m famished as heck.” Flutterbye and TreeTree exited the couch in a most verbose manner, they then evolved into a two pony horse costume, exiting post haste with a vengeful Neigh!
Discord cursed the world, and he finally caught his breath as his cough subsided, “Curse that Tree Hugger, stealing my best friend Fluttershy away from me. I’ll show her!” Like a puzzle, He rearranged his body parts so he was suddenly standing from the couch. He attempted make his way to the door, but the door said, “Hey there buddy, stop! You don’t have enough doors to get through here.”
“Excuse me? But that’s preposterous!” he reached for door knob.
“No, you can’t have my knob.” the door blushed and his knob suddenly went flaccid.
“What in the world!?” he tried to tug and pull at the knob, but he couldn’t get anything out of it.
“Man, stop. I’m tired, okay?” the door explained, “Go get my viagra from those giraffes over there.”
Discord pouted, “Well, I never!” he’d had his full of fallace for the day and threw himself out of a window, which was made of frogs. It was very slippery and slimy, “Gross!”
“I’ve had it with this silly pony! I’m going to town, and I’m going to find Fluttershy and Tree Hugger, and I’m going to tell them exactly how I feel!”
Sugar Cube Corner was exceptionally busy that day. It was a very special day and a long line of anxious ponies extended out the front door.
“What’s going on in here?” Discord took a peek inside, butting in between a few of the customers.
A particularly peeved customer glared up at him, “They’re out of cakes, or some shit.”
“What? Pinkie Pie is out of cakes?” he threw up a delightful laugh, “What? Did she stuff her fat mouth with all of them at once?”
“I mean, probably.” an octopus answered sarcastically, waving around a wild tentacle, “It’s not her fault though, man. She has the autism.”
“I just wish she had more self-control. Autism, although socially debilitating, is no excuse for poor behavior.” added a gigantic Rush Limbaugh peering out of the floorboards, nearly cracking the bakery in two.
“Oh, you’re right Mr. Limbaugh,” agreed Discord, “But I’d prefer to be patient. She’s my friend and I want to respect her disabilities no matter how inconvenient they may be for her.”
“You know what? I think you’re a really good friend, Discord.” added the the entire 2015 New England Patriots team in unison. “I love you, man.” even Tom Brady was there, suited in an entire case of armor made up exclusively of Super Bowl rings.
Discord couldn’t help himself, “Oh, Tom, you really are a true American hero.” a single proud tear ran down his cheek as he gave Tom a big hug, to which the crowd gave a live studio audiences’, “Aww...” but it was too late! Tom Brady began to deflate like an ordinary and completely traditional football that hadn’t been tampered with in any way whatsoever.
“What have you done, Discord!?” cried Bill Belichick, “Look at how you’ve massacred my beautiful football boy!”
“Father! Please help me!” Poor Tom Brady began to shrink, “My rings! My precious rings!” his hundreds of Super Bowl rings began to slip off of his deflating skin all at once, “I can’t believe you’ve done this!”
“I’m so sorry, Tom Brady! I never meant to hurt you this way!” He dropped Tom to the ground, rings flying into every corner, and made a break for it.
“He’s getting away!” Bill shouted, “After him!”
Thankfully Discord was able to evade the vicious and predatory nature of the New England Patriots’ legal team. “Goodness, I’d better be careful around football.” he poofed from corner to corner around town, “Now where is she? Where is Fluttershy?”
Discord searched high and low, between sandwiches and inside of ovens and even inside of abortion clinics, but he couldn’t find hide nor hair of the pegasus.
He snarled in frustration, “Where did she-!?” and suddenly, there she was with that putrid hippie, eating tasty burgers inside of a glass dodecahedron surrounded by white snakes. “Oh, for the love of... Fluttershy!”
“Huh? Discord?” she turned to the direction of his voice.
The shapeshifter made his way over, determined to restore his friendship with the love of his life, but the floor was made of spaghetti, and the meatballs were aggressive, “Fluttershy! It’s me, your good pal, oof-!” he was suddenly struck by a Brie Larson made of Spanish, who had just happened to be floating by, “..D-Discord!”
It was an arduous journey, but eventually, Discord’s determination won out. He entered the layers of geometry, knocking Tree Hugger to the ground and beating her half to death before wrapping his arms around his favorite pegasus, “Oh, Fluttershy! I’m so sorry for my behavior earlier today. I guess I was just jealous....”
“Profané tu cuerpo y coloqué miles de huevos de araña dentro de tu colon.” replied a relieved Fluttershy, holding her dear friend tightly.
“Oh! Me too, Fluttershy. Let’s never fight again.” Discord smiled, tears bubbling at the corners of his eyes.
“Voy a robar tu alma mientras duermes y te sacrificaré por satanás. Después de que mueras, te visitaré en el cementerio y escupiré sobre tu tumba, tu pila o basura inútil.” she smiled softly.
He couldn’t let her go, pressing her cheek against his furry chest. Discord was in bliss, so happy to finally be reunited with the pony he cared most about.
Mayor Mare stood by, pinching the arch of her snout between her eyes with a sigh, “How could you allow this to happen, Princess Twilight? What an embarrassment... He’s supposed to be your friend!”
“I-I’m sorry, I had no idea.” Twilight apologized.
Discord lapped up the same puddle of saliva that had pooled around his mouth against the street, “I... where is my far away... spoon? Fluttershy has my... long cereal...!”
A pair of cuffs locked around his wrists held behind his back, “Get up, you sicko!” a police pony dragged him up to his limp feet. Another officer snuck a hard punch to his gut when nobody was looking. Although obviously, people were actually looking, but no one had sympathy for the monster.
“He’s being charged with public indecency, attempted sexual assault of a minor with the use of a football and drug possession slash public intoxication of a controlled substance.” Mayor Mare listed, “Now, what are we going to do about this?”
Twilight groaned, “You know what? Honestly? He’s not even our friend. He’s just some idiot we keep around for laughs.” She’d had enough, “I don’t know, put him in a statue again?”
Flutterchad materialized from a hoard of bees, belly full of burg and having had the best day of her life, “Yeah, that guy’s a total dip. His moves are weak.”
“Affirmative. This unit demands the degenerate’s execution.” agreed Bee Hugger, “The weak should not be allowed to live.”
“Yeah! Kill the shit out of him.”
And that’s when Pinkie Pie appeared, “You know, I may have a solution to all of our problems!”
“Really...?” Mayor Mare challenged.
“Yeah! Just let me handle him. It’ll be easy peasy!” she snorted, “Right, Twilight?”
The Princess just rolled her eyes, “Do whatever you want. Just don’t talk to me, loser.” and she teleported away.
“You knwo what? That’s good enough for me,” Mayor Mare nodded, “He’s all yours, Pinkie!”
Without a second thought, the pink pony bounced over to her wonderful friend Discord, taking him by the tiger paw, “Let’s go silly! To my basement! I have something fantastic to show you!”
“Wait! Tom...! Where’s my beautiful son...? Tom Brady? Is he a bicycle too? His tires are deflating... again.”
“Absolutely!” Pinkie gingerly escorted him to Sugar Cube Corner, where he would be certain to meet his final end.
Hours later, Yellow Quiet and her good friend Tree Horse sat on the curb outside of Sugar Cube Corner bouncing to Soda City Funk.
“All done!” Pinkie opened the front door, releasing an aroma of freshly baked cupcakes. The warm cinnamon smell masked the stench of dried blood and burnt flesh.
“Boy, I don’t know what all those screams were about, but this sure is delicious!” remarked a local pony taking a bite out of one of the fresh morsels.
“Absolutely scrumptious!” another celebrated.
Soon the entire town was taking part in another of Pinkie’s famous festivities.
“And one for each of you!” Pinkie delivered muffins to both Uttershy and Toilet Hugger with a delightful giggle.
“This confectionary delight has proven to be exceedingly appetizing.” Pea Hugger complimented, “It fills me with both joy and luster. You have my eternal gratitude, and your life will be spared on the day of reckoning.”
“Yea, this is fire.” Flutterdie agreed, “Yo, who’d you kill to get this recipe, Pinkie Pie?”
Pinkie Pie smiled, “Nobody important!”, and then everypony laughed.
The End.
