We're not in Philadelphia anymore
Consciousness, a thing that all sentient beings have. A thing that I am gaining right now.
I can feel my back now. I can tell I didn’t wake up in my bed or any of the chairs at the bar. Am I on the floor? Nope, I feel grass. That means I’m outside…
That can’t be good…
Last thing I remember was floating in the middle of the ocean with the rum ham. Wait… WHERE’S THE RUM HAM!? Oh yea, I lost it. We lost it… I was with someone else?
I opened my eyes and quickly closed them from the sun light beaming directly into my eye sockets. Go point your light somewhere else sun. I wanted to say that but my whole face was numb for some reason, like the dentist put WAY too much novocaine. Maybe that’s what happened? But why would the dentist drug me… unless he was one of those spies those damn Russians sent after me. Why are Russians sending spies after me?
Oh, there we go! I can feel now…
“YEEEOOUCH!!!” I heard some kid say. Wait… I said that…
I shot up and then fell back down due to pain being absolutely EVERYWHERE.
“OOWW WHY GOD!” I screamed to the heavens hoping that God or some other entity could make the pain stop. Then it did.
“Thank you, all powerful Jesus Man.” I said again to the heavens extremely dizzy.
“Hello? Oh shit I heard a child!” I heard some other voice say a sizable distance away. I wondered what child they were talking about. Oh well, someone is here who can rescue me from this awful place! Wait… what place am I at?
I slowly sat up and opened my eyes to see birch trees surrounding me. Well I wasn’t in Philadelphia anymore, that’s for sure. I lifted my numb hand to rub my head.
That’s not a hand!
I move my “hand” only for that orange rectangle in front of my face to obey the same commands.
“I think I had too much of the white powder.” I said… in a child’s voice again.
What the hell’s going on? Wait that voice mentioned hearing a child scream… I screamed… I sounded like a child…
Then suddenly a horse with a large head, wings, light blue fur and a rainbow mane jumped out of the bushes scaring the absolute shit out of me.
“HOLY CHERNOBYLEES!!” I yelled in shock. I seem to have spooked the large headed horse as well. I suddenly became extremely dizzy again and laid back down.
“Please take me home Mr. Horse.” I said in my head trying to telepathically talk with the horse.
“Are you okay!? Oh no, you’re not… I better take you to the hospital!” said the horse.
Well HALF of my message got across.
Wait.
The horse talked… that’s not too strange.
Before I could think about it any longer I lost complete feeling of my body and all I could see was darkness.
Oh hello consciousness again! How ya doin? I wasn’t doing so great when you showed yourself LAST time.
I could feel a bed under me. That’s a good sign. All that stuff was probably a dream and I would wake up in my shitty apartment.
I feel something under my ass.
I didn’t poop the bed again did I? (It’s a long story)
I open my eyes to see a white ceiling. Okay my apartment has a white ceiling. I look to the side to see a wall with childish wallpaper. My apartment doesn’t have that… or does it? I regain complete feeling of my body and notice MULTIPLE differences.
My legs feel completely fucked up. Not a little but A LOT. So do my arms, and my head, and my back, and my everything. At least there’s no more pain.
I sit up and look down at myself… to see an orange hairy man like usual. I can’t really be that hairy? Or that orange?
“Uuuuugh…” I groaned. Beautiful, I STILL sound like a child, ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC.
I look the other way… oh! There’s a mirror with a small bright orange horse pony thing in it.
That’s me isn’t it… please don’t be me.
I move my arm, it move’s it’s arm.
Goddamnit
“I need a drink.” I say only to see a white horse pony with a nurse cap at the doorway looking at me in shock.
“What?” the horse said.
“What?” I repeat.
“Nevermind.” The white pony shook her head. “How are you feeling little one?” the nurse pony said with a smile.
“Like a drugged up horse creature that got hit by one of those Japanese trains.” Was my simple wholesome reply. That was how I felt. I blame my cold whore wife for all this.
“All righty then.” The nurse pony got a clipboard and asked me. “Can you tell me who your parents are? Do they live in Ponyville?”
“What kind of hippy liberal town is Ponyville? And my parents? They’re real pieces of shit that’s who!” I yelled grumpily. My neck hurts.
“HEY! Don’t use that language! How did a colt your age even learn those!?”
I defensively said “I’M SORRY! Sometimes I can get a little mad when I wake up in places other than my apartment or the bar! Speaking of the bar I really need a drink. You got any beers?”
“Beers!?”
“Yea ya know that delicious awful liquid that you’re supposed to inhale to prevent the voices in your head convincing you that killing yourself is a wholesome activity?” was my simple reply.
The nurse pony put her head in both her hooves and mumbled something about “disturbed” and simply walked out of the room. Well that was strange.
Wasn’t I supposed to freak out over being a small kid horse? Nah, weirder things have happened, besides I’ll probably wake up soon from this drug/drunk mixed together dream.
I put my head on the soft pillow and began to drift to sleepland.
Author's Note
I need an editor don't I?
Well this can't be TOO bad for a first fanfic right?
Please dump your criticisms here they are extremely helpful 
Welp it’s that time of month again. The time when that slippery bastard who calls himself the landlord comes and consumes way too much of your money. I can afford it, I mean, I’m a millionaire! I own a mansion somewhere else. Why do I choose to live in a shithole apartment instead of a luxurious mansion? Because I hate myself, that’s why.
I’ve never actually seen the landlord before, so I just dig a hole outside of the apartment and put the money in there and the next day it’s gone so I guess that’s how you do it.
Once I did this I turned around and headed back to my room but once I got to the door I saw myself, another version of me but in a troll costume.
“Do you have the toll?” it said.
“What?”
“You gotta pay the troll toll.” It said again
Oh! I remember this! Me and the gang were doing a play of “The Nightman Cometh”. It didn’t end well but it was fun while it lasted. Suddenly Mac appeared in his weird ninja costume.
“You must pay the toll to continue consuming that boy’s SOUL!”
Consuming the boy’s soul? Continue? What’s going on here…
I look inside the apartment door to see an orange colt with a purple mane dressed in Dennis’ blue full body suit. It just stares at me with big sad eyes.
I’m done
I turn around and try to walk away only to see the colt again right behind me.
“Please don’t steal my soul mister.” It said.
Then darkness…
I wake up.
“Uuuughh.”
I wake up hurting like usual.
My neck still hurts.
I’m still a pony. Goddamnit.
I open my eyes to see I’m still in that room with the frilly wallpaper. I have come to the conclusion that I am residing in a hospital. The children’s part of it judging by the wallpaper.
There’s a large plastic cup of water on the table next to the bed but I’m not drinking it. Last time I drank something from a mysterious source I woke up in someone else’s house covered with cookie dough. It was pretty tasty though…
…
…
…
I gotta do something.
Maybe I can try walking or running in this new form I’m in?
I have to learn how do run soon anyways incase some mafia decides to chase after me.
It’s inevitable.
The door to the room opens and that same nurse pony from the other day walks in.
“Alright apparently you were found unconscious in the middle of White Tail woods so I’m going to ask you some questions. What were you doing in the woods?” the nurse pony said.
“I saw a pokemon.” Was my terrible humorous answer.
“What’s a pokemon?”
“You dunno what they are? Forget about it then.”
The nurse pony shook her head and wrote something on her clipboard. I’ve always wondered what doctors write on those.
“Alrighty you remember your name right?”
“Frank.”
“Frank?”
“Yea, there something wrong with it? I got a last name but I ain’t telling it.”
The nurse wrote some more on her clipboard.
“Ah shoot, you might have a case of amnesia. Are you sure you don’t remember your name?”
“I said my name was Frank! You got a problem with it?” I said rather annoyed.
“No, your name is Tender Taps.”
Tender Taps? What kind of gay name is tha…
Then something in your brain burst sending a tsunami of memories right into your face. Memories of someone named Tender Taps who wanted to be a dancer.
Dancing? He must be gay or something.
“Do you remember your name now?” said the nurse pony.
“Uh huh.” I said with a blank look still processing years of memories coming at me all at once.
Oh look! Your neck no longer hurts! Isn’t that neat.
“Goodie! Do you remember anything else?”
“I stepped on a cake. It didn’t end well.” Wait, was that in my memories or that colt’s?
It happened to both of us apparently…
“Uh okay then! Your parents are in the other room I’m going to talk with them real quick. You want to see them?”
Completely avoiding the question, you pointed to the cup of water on the bedside table and said, “You put anything in the water?”
“No?”
You lunged for the cup as if it were going to disappear in a few seconds and somehow grasped the cup with your two orange rectangle arms and gulp down the water like you would an alcoholic beverage.
The nurse pony briefly gave you a strange look and then got up and left.
…
…
…
Did I steal a kid’s body?
Wouldn’t be the first time that happened, but this time it’s different. (Another long story)
…
I have come to the conclusion that I don’t want to be in this bed anymore.
I sit up put my back legs over the side of the bed. The ground is a pretty good distance away. That’s a problem.
Maybe if a roll on my stomach and slowly slide down it could work.
(THUMP)
“Damnit!” I cursed. I probably have to stop doing that now.
Well my carefully thought out plan didn’t work out well and JESUS why is that bed so tall? Or am I just small? Hey that rhymed!
I shakily stand up on my four legs. Walking can’t be so hard, it’s like crawling but not as painful. I take one step with my right front leg. Then back right leg. Then front left. Then back left.
I begin to walk a little faster. Hey this isn’t so haAAAAA
(THUMP)
“GAAAH!” Curse this horse body and curse my whore wife for putting me through this!”
I shakily get back up again. Back at square one.
At least I can outrun a snail in case one tries to chase me. Or a crab.
There’s a pony in my class named Snails.
Wait… what? Oh yeah, Tender Taps' school. I despise that name.
The door to the room then opened and I saw the nurse again, with two other ponies.
Author's Note
Better? No?
Funny story, I completely forgot that there's a bright orange colt named Tender Taps in the show and I was just planning on having Frank turn into a random delusional colt. To be honest I was just gonna copy Minalkra's story but luckily someone mentioned this in the comments and now I'm changing the direction of the story.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aDhAEmODyzw
