The Siege

by -TheStoryteller-

Rating: everyone
Tags: Main 6, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1660

Twilight just wanted to get back in her castle. Was that too much to ask?

It started out as a perfectly normal day. After a picnic with all her friends, Twilight just wanted to get back into her castle. The day just got weirder.

Another Monty Python pony version.

Published 2019-04-28 23:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-04-28 23:10:01 UTC

The Taunting

Twilight smiled as she wiped her mouth and said, “That was wonderful Pinkie! You really outdid yourself with the cakes this time!”

Pinkie blushed as she said, “It was no trouble, Twilight!” Looking around at the rest of her friends, she added, “Did everypony get enough to eat?”

Rainbow and Applejack lay side by side, holding their stomachs. “I’ve had enough for days, Pinkie,” said Rainbow.

“Ain’t that the truth,” added Applejack. “Hoo-ee, Twilight! When you said ‘picnic’ ah didn’t expect all this!”

Twilight was about to reply further when a crowd of ponies suddenly appeared in the distance. They looked around, then one spotted Twilight and her group and came running up to them.

“Princess Twilight! Princess Twilight!” one panted. “We need your help!”

Twilight got to her hooves along with all of her friends and said, “Why? What’s the matter?”

Another pony, a farmer by the look of him, said, “Somepony has taken all our livestock! The ducks, the chickens, the sheep! Even some of the cows that were in town are just gone!”

Applejack recognized the farmer and said, “Now hang on Corn Shucks. What do you mean, ‘taken’?”

“Just that!” he cried. “They’re all gone!”

“We’ll find them,” said Twilight. She turned to the others and said, “Let’s all head back to the castle and put these picnic things away. We can begin searching after that.”

So saying, they all gathered up the plates, cups, and basket, then headed back to Twilight and Spike’s home. It didn’t take long for Twilight to notice something else was wrong.

When they got to within a block of the castle, they saw a shimmering over the building, as if a force field had been erected.

“That’s strange…” said Twilight. “What’s going on here?”

They all walked up to the castle, and Twilight put out a hoof. Sure enough, it was immediately repelled. Just then they noticed movement, and a pony appeared at one of the balconies. He was wearing a pointed, metal helmet and was sporting a bushy mustache.

“ ‘Ello? Who eezeet?” he called down.

“Hello?” called Twilight. “What are you doing in my castle?”

“Your castle?!? Zees ees ze castle of my mastaire, zee new ownaire. Begone!”

Twilight stamped her hoof. “I am Princess Twilight, and I demand you leave at once!”

“We Prench-folk do not caire for your foolish titles, so-called “Preencess!” I shake mah private parts at you, you empty-headed ponies!”

Rainbow shouted up, “What are you Prench ponies doing in Ponyville?”

“Mind your own business!”

“Now look!” cried Applejack. “You open this door right now!”

“No chance, daffy Ponyville types! I blow mah nose at you and call your door-opening request a seely thing! Your mothair was a donkey, and your fathair smelt of horseapples!” He then began blowing a loud raspberry at the ponies below, while they all stared up at him. Afterward, he smacked his lips.

Fluttershy spoke up. “Excuse me…but is there somepony else up there we can talk to?”

The Prench pony sneered, “No! Now go away, or I shall taunt you a second time!”

Turning to her friends, Twilight said, “Let’s just ignore them; walk away. We’ll figure this out.”

As they left more Prench ponies began appearing at the balcony, hurling insults and making rude gestures.

They all trotted a short distance away then began conferring with one another.

“As long as that force-field is up we can't get into the castle,” said Twilight.

“Maybe you, Rainbow and Fluttershy can try an aerial assault?” suggested Applejack.

“Oh, I don’t know,” said Fluttershy. “Maybe if we just ask them nicely, they’ll leave?”

“We tried that, Fluttershy, and they taunted us without mercy,” said Rainbow. “It’s time for a more direct approach!”

But then the mystery of the missing livestock was solved, as they all heard a “boing” and then they were pelted by sheep, ducks, a cow or two and chickens as they were being hurled over the castle walls.

“Sweet Celestia!” Twilight cried as she used her magic to catch the sheep and cows, while the others ran for cover. The only other pony trying to help was Fluttershy, as she flew up to catch an errant sheep that Twilight had missed.

“Baaa!” The sheep looked at Fluttershy. “Thaaanks!”

Fluttershy started to reply but was drowned out by the sounds of hooting and yelling. As she landed and gently set the sheep down, she said, “We have to get out of here before they throw more poor sheep and cows!”

“Fluttershy’s right; this ain’t workin’!” cried Applejack as she cast a wary eye up at the Prench. “Let’s regroup somewhere safe!”

With that, Twilight and her friends quickly retreated, causing the taunting to get even louder.

“That’s right, run away before we really let you have eet, you empty-headed wipaires of other pony’s bottoms!”

“That’s it!!” cried Rainbow, as she turned and began flying back up to the castle but was promptly seized by Twilight in her magic.

“No, Rainbow, we have to go!” yelled she. With that, they all left and went back to Ponyville Town Hall.

Twilight paced up and down as she furiously tried to think of a solution, muttering to herself. All her friends plus the Mayor were there. They each exchanged worried glances. They all knew Twilight was OCD at the best of times…this predicament might just drive her over the edge.

“The direct approach got us nowhere, neither did talking to them, can’t break through that force field... Spike's visiting our parents in Canterlot, so we can't contact Princess Celestia…there must be a way!”

Then Pinkie’s face lit up. “Oh! Twilight! I know! Why don’t you try teleporting us all in?” Twilight stopped pacing.

“Now, why didn’t I think of that?” She looked at Pinkie with gratitude, who in turn smiled back.

“It’s okay, Twilight. That’s why we’re here!”

“Ah say we do it under cover of night,” added Applejack. “Wait ‘til they’re all asleep, then we pounce ‘em!” She smacked her hooves together to emphasize her point.

“I like the sound of that!” said Rainbow. “Let’s make them pay for taunting us!”

Fluttershy fidgeted with her hooves. “Couldn’t we…couldn’t we just ask them to leave once we get in there? It sounds like you all want to fight them. If…if you don’t mind my saying…”

Rainbow sighed and looked around at the others. "Fluttershy...we may just have to! They probably won't leave on their own." The rest all nodded as Fluttershy in turn sighed.

"Alright...but only to stop them from throwing any more poor animals!"

"That's the spirit, 'Shy!" exclaimed Applejack. Then she looked around. "How about you, Rarity? You been awful quiet."

Rarity tossed her head and said, "A lady does not engage in fisticuffs." Then her gaze hardened. "But in this case, I'll make an exception. Those uncouth louts deserve a good thrashing!"

"Then it's decided," said Twilight. "We wait until nightfall, then surprise them!"

Under a full Moon, the Mane SIx crept up to the castle. They all paused, listening.

"So far, so good. I don't see anypony on the walls," whispered Twilight. Turning to the others, she added, "Alright, everypony group up tight. I've never tried to port this many ponies at once; it may be tricky."

"You can do it, Twilight," whispered Pinkie. "Let's do this!" Twilight nodded and began to light her horn as they all drew closer. A moment later there was a 'pop' as they all were transported just past the invisible barrier.

"You did it!" cried Rainbow.

"Not so loud!" whispered Twilight. "That was the easy part. Let's make our way inside."

As quickly and as quietly as they could, they made their way to the front door, only to find it locked. "Drat!" said Twilight. "Alright all, group up again. I'll port us inside."

But before she could charge up her horn a second time, they heard laughter coming from the parapet above them, and then something plopped down on her shoulder. Then on her head. Then on all of them. They all shrieked, but Rarity was the loudest with, "My mane!" And then, the smell hit them. The stench, O sweet Celestia, the stench! Twilight looked around, and they were all covered in the horrendous filth. Then she looked up in shock, being careful to keep her mouth closed, at the jeering Prench ponies above.

"So! You theenk to outclever us Prench folk weeth your seely knees bent, sneaking about, advancing behavior! Take that, you bed-wetting types and begone!" This was followed by more laughter and taunting.

Reeking and soaked, Applejack had had enough! Rearing back, she slammed her back hooves into the door! It held for a moment, while Applejack screamed, "We're going in!" and struck the doors again. They shattered and fell to the floor, as she and the others raced inside, with Rarity quickly outdistancing the group.

"I will beat them all to a pulp!" she furiously screamed as she lead the way up the stairs and to the outer parapet. As they burst through the doors, they stopped...only to find...Luna standing there. Behind her, the Prench ponies smiled nervously and waved.

"Lu...Luna? What are you doing here? And who are they?" Twilight finally managed to ask. Luna smiled.

"Forgive me, Twilight Sparkle and friends. 'Twas a little joke on my part." Her nose wrinkled as she took in the sight of them all, then she lit her horn. "Here, let me help you with that..." Instantly, they were all clean. She then gestured behind her. "These are all actors I hired to play the parts of your enemies. They did their part most convincingly, don't you think?"

Twilight continued to stare at the Lunar Diarch, and she thought about all the things she wanted to say. But then, she made up her mind.

Turning to her friends, they all exchanged the same look.

With a low voice, Twilight said, "Get her."