Hearth’s Warming Eve Is Here Once Again

by Split Scimitar

Rating: teen
Tags: Original Character, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Equestria Girls, Mario, Main 7 (EqG), Big Macintosh, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Human, Granny Smith
Length: 19035

Rarity gathers her friends for the holiday season in Chicago. Being a Chicago native myself, who else but me to join in the fun?

The holidays are upon us, and For The First Time In (what feels like) Forever, Rarity and her friends are spending the holiday together.

As a Chicago native, I would be remiss not to suggest going there for the holidays, so we do. This is good for me, because now I can show my city!

I have no reason to believe that anything could go wrong on this trip. After all, what could be more fun then meeting Rarity’s friends? Plus, for Rosalina and I, this will be our first holiday season spent in Chicago together. Having lived in the “Ice World” when we met, this will be a nice homecoming for us, and a happy Hearth’s Warming for Rarity and her friends.

Mario tag as Rosalina is my wife. No other characters appear.

Rated T for mild abrasiveness.

Published 2019-04-26 06:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2019-05-09 23:46:28 UTC

Before The Fun, There’s Preparation

Brace yourself, it’s that time of year again!

On request from Rarity, I am tasked with picking up Fluttershy in addition to another friend Sunset Shimmer, who lives in Phoenix.

“Hello Miss Shimmer, I have been tasked by Rarity to transport you as well as some other friends of ours for this year’s holiday in Chicago. I will need to know when and where I can pick you up. Thank you very much. I look forward to meeting you.”

No sooner am I prepping N318AS when a text comes up on my phone.

“Hello darling! I land at 20:55 on Thursday.”

“Perfect! Thanks for letting me know. Waiting on a reply from Sunset.”

“Thank you darling! Toodles!”

“Cya!”

After loading 3 Mercedes G63 AMG onboard, I text everyone asking if they’re bringing anyone else besides themselves. I have no doubt that at least one of them will bring some friends. I just need to know so I don’t under-pack cars-wise.

“Hi Captain. This is Fluttershy. Please let me know when you land in Seattle.”

“Hello Fluttershy. I’ll pick you up. Are you bringing anyone else besides yourself?”

“Okay. Thank you. I’m not.”

Before I can send a reply, suddenly call from Phoenix.

“Hello?”

“Hi, is this Captain Max?” A woman’s voice responds.

“Speaking.”

“Great! Sunset Shimmer here. How are you today?”

“Not so bad. Yourself?”

“Pretty good. So, Rarity says you can take me to Chicago.”

“I can and I will. When should I be in Phoenix to pick you up?”

“I’ll do you one better: I’m in Palm Springs. Where can I meet you?”

“I live in Victorville. Anywhere works.”

“I can meet you at your place.”

“I’ll text you the address!”

“Sweet.”

“Pleasure to talk to you. I look forward to meeting.”

“As do I.”

“Bye.”

“Bye.”

A quick text of address follows with a read receipt. As I wait for her to get here, I wonder what she’ll be driving.

My answer comes minutes later as a car comes racing down my street. When it stops, I slowly approach a red Nissan 370Z.

“Sunset Shimmer?” I ask after the drivers window lowers.

“That’s me!” She responds with a smile.

“Split Scimitar, but I prefer Max. Pleasure to meet you.” I say offering my hand.

“Nice to meet you,” she says eagerly shaking it.

“Come on in, my Fairlady,” I quip holding back a laugh. “That’s just a little car pun.”

“I noticed,” she smirks back.

After I load her suitcase onboard, I show Sunset to the terminal just in case she needs to use the bathroom. Not needing to go, Sunset boards immediately, so I give her a passenger brief. She laughs at some of my gimmicks and gets comfortable after I finish.

Once pushed back, I fire up the engines after a quick cabin check. Seeing Sunset comfortable and asleep, I turn off all the cabin lights and taxi to runway 35.

Rosalina has the clearance by the time we’re lined up. With Sunset asleep and the night our only guide, our current departure time of 18:26 places us into Seattle at 20:48. Add an hour plus or minus a half, and by the time we leave Seattle, we could be racing the overnight hauls.

Once on the ground in Seattle, I check on Sunset. Having seemed to enjoy her evening nap, I ask if she wants to join us to pick up Fluttershy, and she accepts. I then request the courtesy car and order a couple hundred gallons of fuel. With 2 hours to return, I receive the keys to a Subaru Outback.

I-90 gives us some trouble up to the WA-18 exit. No surprises there, I ask Fluttershy if she’s ready via text. Fortunately for us, she has been, so after she texts me her address, I make up for lost time, eager to see her about as much as Sunset.

When we arrive at Fluttershy’s house, Sunset and Rosalina give her a hug while I load her bags. Before we pile back in, Fluttershy hugs me and says,

“Um, I don’t know if you like Din Tai Fung, but I didn’t want to see you hungry.” She says as she hands me a bag of what appears to be some dumplings and fried rice.

“Oh, thank you so much. You’re so kind. I love Din Tai Fung.”

“Oh. I’m glad.”

“Our of curiosity, what do you usually order?”

“I usually stick to dumplings, but I also like their potstickers.”

“Okay! I am under obligation to ask: are you vegetarian?”

“Yes. Um, I mean, no. Well, actually, kind of. I prefer not to eat meat.”

“Have you tried their meat entrées?”

“Yes, and I enjoy them. What I can’t eat are slimy seafoods like octopus or squid.”

“Mmhm, my wife’s the exact same way. She can’t eat cephalopods. Makes her sick.”

Once I climb in, I say “Alright, we are good to go. You two are our only passengers. Everyone else is meeting us in Chicago.”

“Sweet!” Sunset exclaims.

“Yay,” Fluttershy concurs.

On the way back, a field of visual static scrambles my vision. I shudder for a brief second, swerving wildly to avoid a perceived obstacle in the road. Everyone in the car squeals as I shake my head to regain my vision.

“Are you falling asleep?” Fluttershy asks.

“No. Thought I was gonna hit something. Sorry.” I respond as my breath starts to waver.

Just as we get off the freeway, a massive chill runs down my spine, causing me to shudder again.

“Ok, that’s it.” Sunset interjects. “Stop the car.”

“Sunset!” Fluttershy exclaims.

“The terminal is right there. I’m fine.”

“Are you gonna be able to make it to Chicago tonight?” Sunset asks nervously.

“I’m fine. All I need is some food and water, the former courtesy of Fluttershy.”

“Uh huh,” she replies with a little more than a grain of salt.

After I take care of the other fees, I naturally head for the bathroom. Suddenly, my heart rate climbs and a hot flash rips through me. The urge to go intensifies in a rather comical fashion as each step becomes quicker and quicker (batch 16. 16, people! Get out of the way!) With millimeters to spare, I reach the toilet just as, you guessed it: I engage in an involuntary personal protein spill. A tossing of the cookies, if you will. (Vomit. I vomited, okay?)

A symphony of queasiness, unstable gas, “fire” burps, and eventually blood participate in the contraflow. A few rounds of that along with more heart palpitations and ringing in my ears force me to hard reboot.

When I restart, I sport a seismographic heartbeat and another overwhelming purge of my stomach’s contents. Eventually, I clean up the mess, wash my face, and rinse my mouth out.

I return to the lobby and find the other three talking.

“Ready?” I ask with a Step of Pep.

“Are you?” Sunset answers back.

“I’m fine. I appreciate your concern, but it’s nothing I can’t handle.”

“Uh huh,” she replies much the same as the last time.

“Flight plan filed?” I ask Rosalina.

“Yeah. Let’s go!”

Because of noise restrictions during quiet hours, I request ground power to start the engines. Soon, we’re alight and get our clearance via CPDLC. Completely as filed, as direct a routing as we can get. Rosalina heads to sleep after we pass 18,000 feet, so I’m a single pilot operation from here. No changes in route, and fuel looks good all the way to Chicago with about 2 1/2 hours reserve.

Cruising at 33,000 feet, I dig into Fluttershy’s gift while admiring a nice weather system making its way south. As we hit some turbulence consistent with a wind shift, Rosalina wakes up. She then grabs my hand and heads for the cabin.

“Night, babe.” She says to me.

“Love you.” I say asking for a goodnight kiss. “Door open’s fine.”

“Good morning,” I greet the cabin after parking the airplane. “Local time is just shy of 5 AM. Feel free to pick any gate here except for A1, which is the gate we’re parked at now. Each Gate is an enclosed “suite.” You can fit a family of four in each of them. I think it’s two beds apiece. Take your pick. The layout is all the same. The only thing that will change is the view of the airplane parked at each gate. Unfortunately, because this was formerly an airport, the bathrooms and showers are across the hall. Hope your dormitory experience wasn’t a bad one.”

“Sounds good. Thanks for the ride,” Sunset says as she sleepily heads to gate A2, suitcase in tow.

“Fluttershy,” I ask handing her her suitcase in the jetway. “Have you heard from anyone else about this trip by chance?”

“Um, no. Sorry.”

“That’s okay. I was wondering if anyone has talked to you, since you two and Rarity are the only ones who’ve talked to me.”

“Oh. No. Sorry. Um, where would you like me to sleep?”

“There’s another bed at the next gate over.” I say gesturing two gates down.

“Okay,” she responds tiredly grabbing her things and heading for A3.

“Sleep well tonight.”

“Good night.” She whispers as she retreats to her room.

After a groggy rise and forced removal from bed, I time check and trudge to the shower. A good move on my wife’s part for knowing me, I’m soon ready for the day.

About 40 minutes later, Fluttershy joins us at the former security checkpoints, now acting as the combined main room/foyer.

“Is Sunset up yet?” I ask.

“I think she’s still asleep. Should I wake her up?”

“That’s up to you. I don’t need to show you the city. That’s just hometown pride.”

Fluttershy only smiles in response before I send a text to Rarity.

“Hey, do you have any information on anyone else coming? I have Fluttershy and Sunset with me, but when does everyone else get in?”

“How about I check on Sunset then.” Fluttershy responds as she heads back to our gates.

“Sure.” I respond. “No rush.”

Rosalina and I then share a kiss after she leaves.

“So sorry darling,” Rarity texts back a few moments later, “let me send your contact information to my other friends. They’ll text you. 21:00 at O’Hare for me?”

“Yes. Please text when you get off the plane, not when you land. Could take a while taxiing and all.”

“Okay darling! I can’t wait to see you!”

“Same here!”

A few minutes later, another text comes in.

“Howdy! I’m Applejack. Rarity told me to text you about our gathering.”

“Yes! Split Scimitar, but just call me Max. A pleasure to speak to you. How many are with you, and when you plan on arriving?”

“We’re approaching St. Louis now, so we still have another 6 to 8 hours.” “And we have four with us.”

“Thank you for letting me know. Do you have my address?”

“No.”

“34ChampionsRoad Peotone, IL.”

“Thanks!”

“I shall see you this evening!”

“I look forward to it!”

Just then, Fluttershy returns.

“I’m sorry. Sunset is a heavy sleeper. Even my efforts weren’t enough to wake her up.”

“That’s alright. Applejack just told me that they’re still a few hours away.”

“Yay.”

“Should we be tourists?” I ask Rosalina.

“I’d wait until everyone arrives.”

“Should’ve made a list, huh?” I say but quickly bite my tongue, starting to sound like my mother.

“I suppose. Do you have any ideas?”

“Not that I can think of off the top of my head.”

*Text!*

“Hey, this is Rainbow Dash. Rarity told me to text you.”

“Split Scimitar, but just call me Max. Good to hear from you! When will you be arriving in the Chicago area, and how many are in your party?”

“Arriving this evening, and I have a +1.”

“Awesome. Did you drive or fly?”

“Flying in.”

“What airport?”

“ORD”

“Time?”

“19:50.”

“Cool. I look forward to meeting you.”

“Awesome!”

“Ms. Rainbow Dash confirmed!” I then say to the others.

“Yay,” Fluttershy responds. “Is she bringing Scootaloo?”

“If she’s her plus one, then yes.” I say putting my phone down. “What should we do today?”

“I think you should sleep. You had a really late night.” Fluttershy says.

“I’m all ready for the day, though!” I say looking at the two of them. “But, knowing me, I either crash in the middle of the day; or, get a second wind and then have two sleepless nights in a row!”

“I don’t want to take that risk,” Fluttershy says nervously.

“Neither do I,” Rosalina affirms.

“It’s settled then. We go until I crash!”

“No!” Fluttershy asserts, firmly staring me down. “I don’t care if Sunset walks in right now all ready to go! You’re going to sleep. Now!”

“I won’t argue.” I say only after Rosalina backs her up.

Just as I turn around, Sunset walks in, all ready to go.

“Hello Sunset.” I say just as she walks in, clad in long jeans, knee-high boots, and a thick leather jacket. “I’ve been grounded by the others on account of last night’s red eye.”

“Your wife is grounding you because you had a late night last night?”

I respond only with a large yawn.

Holding back a giggle, Sunset looks towards the other two standing firm and says, “good call.”

With that, they head out as I head for bed.

When I wake up, I brush my teeth again having sported SERIOUS morning breath. A ramp check shows the missing car is LANGKA, so after I grab my phone, my notifications reveal a 5-minutes-old message from who I presume is our final party.

“Good afternoon. I’m Twilight Sparkle. Rarity told me to reach out to you regarding our gathering?”

“Yes. You’re in the right place. Thank you for your message Miss Sparkle. 3 questions: By land or by air? Approximately when will you arrive? How many are in your party?”

No sooner do I reach out to text Rosalina asking where they went when the reply comes almost instantly.

“By car. This evening after dinner time, and there are two of us. My brother and I.”

“Splendid! Please let me know when you arrive. Do you have my address?”

“34 Champion’s Road in Peotone?”

“That’s the one.”

“Hooray! I will see you this evening!”

“I look forward to meeting you.”

Rosalina’s reply of “Lincoln Park Zoo” is met with a read receipt before I compose yet another text to Rarity.

“Hello, will it just be you or will you have company?”

“Sweetie Belle will join us, and my parents will be spending just a day with us.”

“They won’t be with us then?”

“No. They’re going on vacation.”

“Where, if you don’t mind me asking?”

“They have a timeshare in Vegas.”

“Oh nice. See you tonight!”

“See you later!”

“Hey Captain!” Sweetie Belle texts. “Can you pick up my parents and I from the airport in like an hour?”

“Yeah. I only wish you had let me known sooner. I‘ll be late. Where from?”

“Midway.”

“On the way!”

In no time, I grab DJABBIC and make for MDW. Expecting pretty heavy traffic, I try and make good time on I-57 and Stevenson, despite heavy, and I mean HEAVY rush.

Thanks to CarPlay, I can still hold text at the wheel. Just as I get off Stevenson, Sweetie Belle announces baggage claim. So many cars are crawling between the lights, by the time I reach Terminal Loop, the family has already asked where I am 9 times.

When I do finally reach them, the airport traffic is so bad, Cicero is backed up to Stevenson.

“I apologize for my haste, but this airport traffic is horrendous.” I say pointing to the sat nav display.

“Eh, no problem. Pleasure to meet ya! Hondo Flanks! I go by Magnum!”

“I know!” Their mother concurs. “I’m Cookie Crumbles, but I just go by Betty.”

“Split Scimitar, I go by Max. Pleasure to meet you both. I don’t mean to pry, but why come here instead of just going direct to Vegas?”

“So we could spend another day with Sweetie Belle here.” Magnum responds. “And there’s only one Spirit flight to Vegas from Minneapolis, and it leaves at 6 am. Through Chicago, we have so many more options.”

“When are you leaving tomorrow then?”

“9:30.”

“Cool. I’ll pick you up at 7:00 in case of traffic.”

“Not a problem!”

Since they’re just spending the night, I decide to loan them my condo at Hancock. When we reach the building, I show them to the unit and grab the spare key from my safe box. By now, Rarity should already be airborne, so I decide to wait until she lands to text again. Once everyone gets settled, I text Rosalina and ask where they are, and almost immediately she responds with,

“Returning from Water Tower.”

”Perfect!” I reply. ”I just got Sweetie Belle and their parents. We’re in my condo at Hancock. You want me to meet you on the ground?”

“Yeah.”

“Wilco.” I respond before I ask, “Sweetie Belle, want to meet Rosalina, Sunset, and Fluttershy with me?”

“Yeah!”

A few minutes after we get to street level, in come the three. Empty handed.

“Shopping in the car?”

“What?” Sunset responds.

“Is your shopping in the car?”

“Oh. Yeah, it is.”

“What’d you guys get?”

“Shoes, handbags, the usual.” Sunset responds with a valley twang.

“Well, excuse me princess.” I clap back before continuing. “Ok, sit-rep. Rainbow Dash arrives in an hour, Rarity half an hour after that, Twilight and her brother around the same time, and Applejack and her family an hour after them. The former two are arriving at O’Hare, and the latter two are driving. Rarity’s parents are upstairs, all four of them are spending the night here, then their parents are catching a 9:30 flight to Vegas out of O’Hare. Then the whole gang should be back together again.”

“Shouldn’t you be on your way to the airport then?” Rosalina asks.

“I’ll leave in about 10 minutes.”

“Alright then.”

“What are you gonna do now then?“ I ask the others. “I know it’s getting chilly out.”

“I don’t want to bring anybody down,” Sunset says, “but I am getting kind of tired.”

“That’s alright,” Rosalina responds. “I can take you back if you want.”

“Sweetie Belle, Fluttershy? You have choices. Come with me to pick up Rainbow, go with Rosalina back to Peotone, or in the case of you Sweetie Belle, you can head back upstairs.”

“That’s fine; I’ll just go back up.”

“Sounds good. Night Sweetie Belle. See you in the morning.”

With that, Fluttershy and Sunset choose Rosalina, so I head for ORD alone.

“Just landed.” Rainbow Dash texts as I fire up the 6.3L Mercedes Big.

“Okay. Have you parked at the gate yet?”

“No, they said we’ll be taxiing for a while.”

“Cool. Do you have checked bags?”

“Yeah.”

“No problem. Just let me know when you have everything you need.”

“Aight”

I follow Rosalina out and take my time getting back to Kennedy. By this point most of evening rush has died down, but I still drive like I’m fighting to preserve every last drop of petrol, even though I’ve barely dented the gauge.

At the Edens split, I decide to have some fun, letting the engine roar as I head for I-190. When I reach the airport, I head for the cell phone waiting lot and ask,

“Airline?”

“American.” “I’m also at baggage claim now.”

“Cool.” I respond as I divert from the cell phone lot and head for the long line of arrivals at terminal loop.

While I wait for her, I drop the windows and decide to let the outside air temp of 37º chill the cabin.

My search for her ends as soon as it begins, as I spot who I can only assume would be her by the rainbow colored locks of hair amongst a crowd at baggage claim. Since they’re still congregating and it doesn’t look like the carousel’s even started, I head for another loop.

“Ready.” Rainbow texts no more than 30 seconds later.

I then CarPlay back, “cool. That was fast. I know it’s dark, but look for an orange Mercedes G-Wagon.”

When I return to baggage claim, the same rainbow haired girl I saw flags me down, so after finding a clearing a few feet ahead of her, I park.

“Rainbow Dash?” I ask after I get out.

“You’re the Captain?”

“Split Scimitar, but you can just call me Max.” I say as I grab her bag.

“Awesome!”

“Pleasure to meet you.” I say shaking her hand after loading her suitcase into the boot. “Where’s your plus one?”

“She‘s actually with my other friend Pinkie Pie, who is also coming. Has she contacted you?”

“No,” I respond as I jump back in. “I guess that’s one more to add to the list.”

“Ugh!” She groans as she pulls her phone out.

I give a hard power application that echoes through the terminal loop before I say, “thanks for joining us! Fluttershy and Sunset Shimmer are already here, Rarity lands here in an hour, and both Applejack and Twilight are driving in, both of whom we should expect in an hour or two.”

“Glad to be here. Pinkie and Scootaloo were supposed to contact you, but I guess I have to call her, since I assume they didn't.” “Hey Pinkie, I just got in to Chicago, where are you?” “That’s… not going to help me.” “Okay. Hang on.” “She doesn’t know where to go?”

“Where is she?”

“Uh, just past I-88.”

“What interstate?”

“290.”

“Well, that’s 294 now. Can she meet us somewhere?”

“Pinkie, where should we meet you?” “Uh, somewhere in Hinsdale.” “Where?” “Ok, bye.” “There’s a Whole Foods right off 34.”

“Cool. To Tri-State!” I say as I head for I-294.

Making good time and plenty of exhaust noise, I reach the Whole Foods, where a Nissan Frontier is waiting for us. After I pull up next to it, Rainbow scans the truck and says, “yep. That’s her!”

I then park the car and head out to meet Pinkie Pie. I don’t usually have a sense for people, but this one is giving me a bit of a “disturbance in the force” vibe. No idea why.

“Hi!” She exclaims excitedly.

“Hello.” I respond rather stoically.

“I’m Pinkie Pie, and I plan parties!” She exclaims extending her hand, startling me just a little.

“Split Scimitar, but you can just call me Max.” I respond shaking it. “I fly airplanes.”

“Interesting name. But you’re cool.”

“She can be a real handful, but she‘s an OG.” Rainbow says.

“Really? I didn’t notice.” I respond monotonously.

“I’m pretty sure she’ll drive you insane.” She snickers having seen the look on my face.

“What?!” Pinkie exclaims. “Why would you ever think that, Dashie? I mean, I know we just met and all, but I always get super excited when I meet new people because I just LOVE making new friends so I can spread happiness!” *Squee!*

“Sorry. Once she gets going, there’s no stopping.” Rainbow whispers in my ear.

“I understand. I’ll admit though, people that chipper make me nervous.”

As she catches her breath, Rainbow introduces her companion.

“Max, this is Scootaloo, my soul sister.”

“Hi there! I hear you have airplanes.”

“I do,” I smile back offering my hand.

“Cool!” She responds shaking my hand in enamor.

“Anyone want to join me to pick up Rarity from O’Hare?” I then ask the lot of them.

No takers. “Anyone? No? Okay. Pinkie, I think you need my address. Let’s exchange contact information.“

“Ooh! I love getting numbers!”

“Oh alright then.”

“Hey! That’s Old Peotone!” Pinkie exclaims when she maps it.

“Yep.”

Before I can give Pinkie the gate code, Rosalina texts,

“Sunset and Fluttershy are asleep. I can get Rarity.”

“She hasn’t texted me yet, so if you still want to, you can.”

“That’s fine. I’m already on my way out.”

“Ok. I’ll let her know. Thanks for covering.” I finish to Rosalina before composing a new text.

“Hey Rarity, Rosalina will be picking you up.” I then say to those around me, “Okay, never mind. I guess I can just take you to my place.”

“Hooray!” Pinkie Pie exclaims.

“So, your car?” I ask obligatorily.

“Nope. Older sister’s.”

“Good stuff.” I say as Dash and Scootaloo join me.

Giving a good rev after startup, I withhold a ‘teenage boy in a fast car’ smirk as Dash puts her belt on. I check the security of Scootaloo’s belt and put her in gear after Pinkie starts up hers.

As we make good time on I-57, I spot a G-Class going the other direction. I’m pretty sure it was Rosalina, but my eyes could’ve fooled me.

My reply from Rarity comes just as we reach my airport.

“Okay darling. I’ll see you tomorrow then?”

“I’ll be taking your parents to the airport, so yes. Tomorrow.”

“Fabulous, darling! Toodles!”

After all three of them pick their own gate, I get two texts within a few seconds of each other.

“Hello,” Twilight’s message begins. “I’m running just a little behind. I’ll let you know when we get closer.”

“Howdy Captain,” Applejack’s text says, “we’re about 5 minutes away. Sorry for coming so late.”

I send the same message to the two of them, “It’s no trouble. Hope all is well. We’re still waiting for [Applejack/Twilight] too, so it’s all good.”

As the clock passes 21:00, I head to the front to wait for our inbound traffic. A few minutes later, two cars roll up to my position.

The first car under the light is a Subaru Legacy. I head up to the window and greet the driver.

“Good evening.” She says. “I’m Twilight Sparkle.”

“Miss Sparkle. Pleasure to meet you.” I greet her offering my hand. “Split Scimitar. But you can just call me Max.”

“Nice to meet you.” She says shaking my hand. “I know I said I was bringing one more, but he had a last minute emergency.”

“Aw, that’s unfortunate. Nevertheless, welcome. Just follow me in.” I say heading to the F-150 behind her.

“Hello.” I respond as the driver lowers the window. “Split Scimitar. I just go by Max.”

“Well, Howdy do, Captain Max!” She says excitedly offering her hand. “I’m Applejack, and as promised, I’ve brought my family.”

“A p-p-p-p-pleasure.” I say as she gives me a proper country shake. “This here’s my brother Big Macintosh.” She points to the passenger seat. “My lil’ sis Apple Bloom,” pointing behind him, “and the legend herself, Granny Smith!” She concludes, both backseat passengers asleep.

“Fantastic! If you’ll follow Miss Sparkle and I, I’ll show you around!”

“Yeehaw!”

After closing the gate behind us, I direct them to the garage, parking on level 1 of 14. After everyone steps out, I point out each gate for lodging.

Now that all parties are in Illinois, I head to sleep just shy of 23:00, excited for another holiday season.

Author's Note

During this past holiday season (Christmas 2018-New Years 2019), I had a bunch of panic attacks, with no specific triggers, nor an identifiable source. I don’t want to do anyone who suffers from anxiety a disservice, but what is portrayed is as much as I can remember and put into words.

CPDLC stands for Controller–Pilot Data Link Communications. Essentially, it works like a pager. Communication with Air Traffic Control this way keeps the radio waves clear, especially when a route of flight has to be amended.

Langka is Tagalog for jackfruit, popularly used as a substitute in pulled pork. I personally enjoy it most as a snacking fruit.

DJABBIC stands for “Don’t Judge A Book By Its Cover.” The car is affectionately named Terence.

Stevenson is I-55, short for the Adlai Stevenson Expressway.

Edens is I-94, which runs concurrent with I-90 up to the split. I-94 then heads north to suburbs where I’m from while I-90 heads towards O’Hare.

Kennedy is the Kennedy Expressway, which runs from O’Hare on I-190 east to I-90, then meets I-94 where they run concurrent, ending at I-290 near Grant Park.

(I love freeways.)

Railroad Player, Freight & Baggage Handler

An alarm set for 6:20, I wake up at 5:57. Rosalina’s still asleep, in fact so are the rest for that matter. As I admire the view of the plane parked in front of me and its two neighbors, I take a deep breath and head for the shower.

As I run the water to get it warm, I check on the family, who despite disowning me still keep me in their group chats. Out the front door in 20 minutes, I quickly but quietly fire up EVRFREE, reaching Hancock at 6:56.

Sweetie Belle answers the door half dressed and runs back to her bedroom. In about 3 minutes, she emerges with some suitcases. Her parents are still getting ready and her own bags are packed, but Rarity is still asleep. We’ll just pick her up after we drop their parents off. This in mind, Sweetie Belle’s bags go by the front door as we wait for her parents to finish getting ready.

Once all loaded in the car, we have 25 minutes before morning rush and no time to lose. Since they’re flying Spirit, I race to Terminal 3, where upon arrival, a busload of coaches block me in and begin unloading. I sigh in exasperation as I unload their bags. Once all their bags are offloaded, I exchange a handshake with Magnum, a hug from Betty, and snap a picture of the three of them at their request right before they head in.

Thankfully, some of the coach passengers clear a path for me, and so when I clear them, I punch the throttle and get the heck out of O’Hare. Kennedy is still kind to us, but once we meet Edens, I hit the brakes at the Addison/Kimball bend. Not quite a sea of red, but enough to be red on the maps track. To avoid local exit congestion, I try for the express lanes, which should be open if they aren’t already for traffic inbound to the city.

After some aggression to get into the left lane, the next opening beckons, and I take it, along with quite a few others. I actually manage to reach 70, which I hold for a few seconds before the express lanes’ pace matches the local lanes.

A CarPlay text to Rosalina validates only the Apples up and running, which makes sense, seeing as it’s not even 8:00 yet. Matter of fact, Sweetie Belle has already fallen asleep. I send another text to let me know when everyone’s ready. Most attractions don’t even open until 10, so I’d like for everyone to be ready by 9 so we can miss morning rush.

When we finally reach the city, I stay in the express lanes until our exit. We then pick up Rarity, who is all ready for the day, then get back on Dan Ryan towards I-57, putting my foot hard down all the way to our exit.

Once we reach the airport, I make some conversation with the Apples.

Big Macintosh, a man of few words, exchanges mostly yeses and no’s, so his two younger sisters do most of the talking. Applejack, the elder of the two, shares a nice story about their work, which in contrast to an ever-changing industry still farm the old-fashioned way. After running back to her room, she returns with a sample of her product.

Just as I finish my glass, my heart drops to my stomach, I ice over like an NFL kicker, my heart rate climbs and body starts to tingle.

I let out a suppressed groan and breathe shallowly enough to sound hyperventilated.

“Everything okay?”

“Uh, sure I guess.” I respond desperately trying to appear normal.

“Well, I know we just met and all, but Rarity tells me you have a bit of a troubled past.”

“I never told Rarity that.”

“Maybe it was from Sweetie Belle then.”

“Eh, well. I’m surprised either one of them told you.”

“Sorry.”

“Don’t be. I’m not afraid to admit that I was raised a spoiled brat. Any stories you’ve heard are just me playing the victim.”

“Well, bless your heart, sugar cube.”

“Thanks.”

Applejack can only laugh in response. I start laughing with her but quickly stop. I take a step back, clutch my chest and feign coughs, but as ride it out, I hear only a single sentence.

“Look what you did.”

I remain silent and suppress other voices as I see Applejack start to calm back down. Trying my best to recover before she notices, I lean against a wall and take a few deep breaths. My heart rate is taking off again, and despite no real signs of distress, I only utter out a “bless my heart alright” as the aggravations slowly subside.

Applejack though gives me a confused look and asks, “You okay? You seem a little off.”

“Really?” I squeak out nervously. “*ahem*, I mean, what could be better? I’m spending the holiday in good company, I’m living my childhood dream, and have been able to enjoy every minute of it. Why would I have a reason to be off?”

“Well, ya’ seem nervous for starters. Pardon me for askin’, but have you been… uh, abused?”

“No. I grew up the envy of all who knew me. Spoiled rotten from a young age, disciplined a fair amount. I had my rebel phase, drove myself to near suicide, and out of it came an airline pilot with a chip on his shoulder, an albatross around his neck, and the jadedness of a pensioner. Why ask?”

“Behavior raises some curiosity. More than just simply being nervous.”

“I realize I’m in no position to even act like I’ve been dealt a bad hand, because I haven’t by any means. Still though, I feel like life has screwed me in more ways than I would’ve ever imagined.”

“I know how ‘ya feel. When my parents died, I thought I would never be able to run the farm. Big Mac and I worked hard, and though it’s no picnic, we still get to enjoy ourselves.”

“That’s nice. I’m very happy for you. If you don’t mind me asking, when did your parents pass?”

“I was 10.”

“I’m so sorry.”

“Me too. I miss ‘em more and more every day.”

“I’m sure. I miss my family too.”

“Applejack?” A voice calls from the walkway.

“Come on in!” I say.

“You want to join us for a morning walk?” Granny Smith asks.

“Oh, yeah. Let’s go. You wanna come, sugar cube?”

“I’ll pass. I have to move airplanes around.”

Applejack only chuckles as we head out to the ramp. Rainbow and Scootaloo are throwing a football outside as all four Apples head outside with me. Before I reach the Tug, I call my restaurant in town to cater for us, since I’m a terrible cook, and I could never cook for such a large party.

N318AS is staying here, and instead N925VA will make the journey back. As I push the former plane back, the game of catch outside is directed my way. As soon as I see the ball thrown, with clear intent to include me, I’m left with no choice but to stop the tow and watch the outcome. You can imagine how terrified I am of causing a nasty accident, especially with an airplane under tow.

Rainbow Dash catches the pass and jumps onto the passenger seat in one fluid motion, crashing into me and almost knocking me off my seat as Scootaloo excitedly runs towards us, high on excitement from having witnessed an epic play.

“You wouldn’t mind if I, uh, joined you for a joyride in one of your rigs, would ya?” Dash asks high on adrenaline with the blush and heavy breaths to show for it.

“Don’t you fly F-18’s?” I respond, silently wishing I had an enclosed Super Tug with me.

“Yeah?”

“Prepare to be disappointed then.” I respond taking the tug out of gear, which makes her face drop. “Hehe, I’m just kidding. One of these days, definitely.”

She then squishes her cheeks and squeals out, “so. Awesome!”

After I make the switch, I head back to the terminal. The Apples are having a conversation with Dash and Scootaloo, Fluttershy and Rarity are both on their phones. Sunset? Where’s she? A quick check of rooms leads me to assume that she’s asleep. As if she hasn’t established herself as a late riser already. Once I figure out what to hit and when, I count my money and decide to tackle MSI, since it’s the farthest out of downtown.

When the last of us are ready for the day, I call everyone to the ramp and make an announcement to kick off the festivities.

“Good morning everyone. Thank you for joining us. Credit is due to Miss Rarity for getting me in touch with all of you.” I pause as Rarity acknowledges my comment. “My name is Split Scimitar. You may know me as “The Captain,” but you can just call me Max. I admit I don’t have a firm itinerary planned, since I don’t know how many of you have been to Chicago. However, we can remain flexible by choosing our stops around how the day plays out, rather than stick to a rigid schedule. There are three cars for the fourteen of us. We will need a driver for the third one. Any takers?”

None. Most of them kind of shy away, so I then introduce some counterpoint.

“You know, the four Apples can take one car.”

Applejack speaks up with, “well, I guess we can.”

Rosalina offers them the keys but Applejack declines and says, “why don’t you drive us?”

Rosalina nods as Rarity then steps up and says, “I’ll drive the third car then.”

That settled, the others now begin to choose who they want to ride with. Rosalina and the Apples take DJABBIC, leaving Rarity and Sweetie Belle to choose their companions as I give them the keys to LANGKA.

After about 2 minutes, I end up with my two original passengers from Seattle plus Twilight and Pinkie, as the two duos - Rarity/Sweetie Belle and Rainbow Dash/Scootaloo, elect to travel together.

“Alright! Looks like we’re ready to go. I catered dinner tonight, which we’ll have around 18:00. Best we beat the evening rush on the way back here.”

Right before Pinkie climbs in, Rarity stops and says, “Pinkie, why don’t you drive? You’re more of a local than me.”

“Okie dokie, Loki!” She says as she jumps right out, leaving me with Sunset, Fluttershy, and Twilight. They hop in and I tell them, “first stop, MSI.”

When we reach our destination, I head for parking and check out lines. About a 20 minute queue, I group text the drivers to meet at the front entrance while I grab the tickets. Only three spots ahead of me, I make a group purchase and give everyone their ticket.

“Alright, this is the Museum of Science and and Industry, easily one of if not my favorite museum out there, but I’m also a technology person, so that’s probably why. Some of my favorites include the transportation exhibit featuring a Boeing 727 in the ceiling and The Great Train Story, if you grew up with Thomas the Tank Engine like me. Let’s meet back here in about 3 hours. Beware of some exhibits that charge extra for entry. Just request a receipt if you want to see it so I can reimburse you. Have fun!”

Rosalina decides to stay with me as I in a complete surprise stay in the Boeing ship and listen to some chatter about airplanes. I laugh as some of the youth chat about being a glorious pilot. News flash kid, it ain’t all it’s cracked up to be.

Even though the cockpit is sealed off, I admire the flight engineer’s panel just as a small crowd comes aboard. I quickly escape to rejoin my childhood staple: The Great Train Story. As I interact with the exhibit, I smile contentedly but am stumbled by yet more heart palpitations. Deep breathing doesn’t work, and a trip to the watering hole doesn’t help either.

When Rosalina leaves to explore other exhibits, heart palpitations give way to an overall tingly feeling that fades into acute numbness. In fact, by the time I circumnavigate the museum floor, I take a seat shivering in terror. As I try to clear my mind, I head for the bathroom and clutch my chest as I reach a handicapped stall because the tingling has spread beyond my chest. Eventually, I start to convulse and collapse onto the bathroom floor, struggling for air as my vision starts to go.

As my vision goes white, I punch the throttle and climb above the cloud tops. When I fully recover, a few people are crowding the stall, so I get up as quick as I can. Some people give me dirty looks, but as soon as I exit the bathroom, I literally run into Fluttershy, who blushes heavily and apologizes as I do.

As I insist it wasn’t her fault, a shooting pain of skin-tearing proportions shoots up from beneath my sternum. I writhe in agony and collapse to the floor again as Fluttershy squeals. The sound of my thud surely attracts a crowd as Fluttershy tries to help me.

“Max! What’s wrong?!”

“Don’t know.” I slur out. “I’ve got a shooting pain in my chest. Out of nowhere. Get me some water and a cola.”

“Okay…” she responds as she runs off.

A security guard soon helps me up and asks what happened. I half-heartedly explain that I tripped over my shoelaces, which he somehow buys, since my shoelaces are loose but far from undone. He soon leaves and reminds me to be careful just as Fluttershy returns.

“Here’s your water, and your coke.”

“The coke is for me. The water is for you.” I say as I present her with a $20.

“Oh, thank you.” She says blushing.

“We’ve only been here… 2 hours?” I say taking a sip. “Anything else you want to see or do?”

“Um, no. Unless you do.” She responds timidly.

“I’ve seen most of these exhibits a handful of times already. What’d you see?”

“I stayed mostly in the genetics lab because of the baby chicks.” She says with a blush.

“They are cute aren’t they?”

She nods brightly in response.

“Have you seen the others?”

“No. Not since we got our tickets.”

“Oh well. If you’d like, we can head back to the meeting point anyway.”

“Okay.”

Sure enough, Rosalina is there waiting for us with Scootaloo.

“Hey! Finished early?”

“Yeah!” Scootaloo responds. “The jet engine was so cool!”

“Yeah?” I respond.

“When are you gonna take us up?”

“One of these days.” I respond as Twilight and Rainbow return. I ask what they did: while Dash had a Ball at Science Storms, Twilight excitedly gives a brief synopsis about Numbers In Nature.

A few minutes later, Pinkie shows up with a toy made in the Fab Lab as well as a top. I reimburse her with a $20 as Rarity and Sweetie Belle tell us about their pursuits in U-505, both mild history buffs. The Apples soon join us and talk about farming tactics vs their choice exhibit on agriculture as Sunset explains her fascination with tornadoes to beat my budgeted 3 hours by about 25 minutes.

After we head up Lake Shore Drive, I point out Soldier Field and Museum Campus for later as we continue up to Navy Pier for a spot of lunch at Billy Goat’s Tavern. Apple Bloom, the only Cubs fan amongst us, gets excited as she bursts out “fries and a Coke!”

Only I roll my eyes having understood the joke.

A fantastic lunch despite some resistance from Sunset leaves us very satisfied. I apologize to Sunset and Fluttershy, our vegetarians, but insist that it is one of my all time favorites in town.

Our next stop is Sears Tower’s Floor 103. Most of the young‘uns are pretty put off by the glass balconies, but Rosalina and I have nothing more than a laugh as I point out views from the Lake and to the rest of the city. My city. The greatest city in the world.

To take advantage of free parking on the other side of town, we head to my personal underground garage at the Chicago Spire. Conveniently located just a few blocks from Hancock and Water Tower Place, I lead a charge to Garrett’s before I show the others my monster penthouse.

As I give them The Grand Tour, who but Rainbow Dash should suggest we just stay here instead, what with there being “more than enough living space for all of us.” I present the idea to the rest of the group, who all approve, unanimously.

After everyone “bids” for a bedroom, I bring everybody to my pièce de résistance, the world’s highest indoor pool. Located on the 300th floor enclosed with greenhouse glass, the place is truly a masterpiece. 2/3 Olympic size, depths of 5 to 15 feet. At the deep end is a 4-tiered diving board with two springboards at 1 m and 3 m, plus two static platforms at heights of 5 m and 7.5 m.

The pool is currently covered and drained, so I ask if anyone would want to swim largely as a joke but on the off-chance someone does. The choice to turn fill the pool rests on our guests.

“Well, I don’t know about any of you, but I can improvise.” Sunset says.

“Whoa there, Sunset!” Exclaims Rainbow with a smug look on her face. “Eager to impress?”

“Shut up, Rainbow!” Sunset snaps back. “You’re just jealous!”

“Alright everyone.” Applejack intervenes. “Let’s not get too excited before the holiday even starts.”

Rainbow then claps back, “you just wanna show off!”

[“No I don’t!”

“Never mind.”](https://youtube.com/watch?v=FhT1jxVX4I4&t=0m26s) I quickly say to calm everyone down. “It was a joke. I don’t need a dimmer station.”

“Demonstration.” Rosalina instinctively corrects, which makes me chuckle.

“I wouldn’t mind swimming though.” Pinkie says.

“No, Pinkie. You can’t skinny dip.” Sunset quips back as if by instinct, to which everyone, even Pinkie, breaks down laughing.

Rosalina chuckles as I facepalm. I then say to the group, “Well, what’s your verdict? If yes, it’ll take a whole day to fill up.”

“Just fill it then.” Pinkie calls back. “Whether we do or not, at least it’ll be available.”

“Oh alright then. Fresh from the Lake, coming right up.” I say as I pull the big lever that initiates the auto fill and retract the cover.

Rosalina then surprises Twilight by inviting her to her condo to show her her library. Twilight’s eyes gleam like a kid in a candy store as she gleefully leaves with her.

Now that we’ve solidified our move to Spire, now comes the fun part, moving out of the airport.

At SMG, everyone cleans out their space at the terminal. In the case of the two cars that drove in, they decide to take their own cars into the city with us. Despite her best efforts, before Rarity can close the back, two suitcases tumble out of LANGKA’s boot. Seeing this as I start EVRFREE, I immediately shut it off after the gauges come alive. I then whisper, “god… damnit” as an enraged Rarity screams, so I go help them out.

Applejack then comes to my aid and pulls all the suitcases out so I can rearrange them. When we finish, Rarity blushes as Applejack and I high five, then Rosalina starts DJABBIC to say she’s ready. After Rarity jumps in and starts LANGKA, I start EVRFREE up again and lead the 5-car convoy to Chicago.

Just as everyone gets settled in their room, I get the delivery call. I meet the delivery man at ground level and make multiple trips for the various trays. Once I tip him and send him on his way, I group text “soup’s on everybody!”

Sure enough, the Apples make their way down first as I open the first few dishes up.

Sure, it’s from a restaurant I own, but nevertheless, it’s a spot on 9.5/10, only because some items have fallen victim to steam soak, or more accurately, condensation sogginess. Nevertheless, I open the food for the taking after I pull out some dishes and silverware.

As we all enjoy our first meal together, I take a step back after everyone starts conversation. I take in the sight before me and join the rest. One who takes a particular interest in me is Pinkie, having saved a seat for me. As she and her group start to pick up speed in a conversation, she grabs my hand and rests her head on my arm. Rosalina sees this and smirks. I flash my wife a look of “help,” but she nods and lets me have this one.

At meal’s end, I bus dishes and load the dishwasher as the city lights take prominence at civil twilight. I let out a small smile as Sunset joins me at my side opposite Rosalina.

“Thank you for hosting us for this trip, Max!”

“You’re so generous for offering your insanely spacious penthouse to all of us!” Rarity chimes in as she searches for a bottle of wine for the evening. After grabbing a chalet for everyone, she selects a Chardonnay perfect from the wine closet for the steak dinner that some of us had, and by some, I mean not Sunset or Fluttershy.

“Speech from Captain Max!” Pinkie exclaims as the last person fills their glass.

I chuckle as the others raise their glasses, so I speak up.

“I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to spend your holiday with us. Credit is due to Rarity, who helped organize this. We still have a few tourist attractions left to visit as well as my own personal favorite eats. I hope that after showing you the tourist traps and some of my favorite local eats, you can see why I love my hometown. Here’s to a great one!”

A chorus of “Cheers!” rings throughout the penthouse as I down my glass like a shot, followed by a swift grab for a second. Rosalina peers over as I gently sip this second one. I let out a sigh as she puts her hand on my shoulder.

“I know you don’t like to admit it, but something’s been up with you.”

“Is it that obvious?”

“Yes. Is something bothering you?”

“I don’t know, that’s the thing. I shouldn’t be. I’ve met new people. Great people. I have no reason whatsoever for anything to bother me. I have no fears for the future beyond what I would deem a healthy amount, my past has no reason to haunt me, and I have you.”

“Hmm.” She responds. “I know I haven’t been everything you’ve wanted me to, but being married to you is the best thing I’ve ever done.”

“You have been everything I could ever want. Please don’t think otherwise.“

“No I haven’t, and you know it.”

“Fine, I admit it.” I respond rather facetiously, downing the last of my glass. “In all seriousness though,” I quickly continue, “You would know if I felt an issue in that department, because I would've said something. There is absolutely nothing else I would want from you. You’re there for me when I need you. You understand that I value my alone time, and are more than willing to respect it. I haven’t seen that in many others. I can’t begin to describe how much you’ve meant to me over the years we’ve been together.”

She eventually walks away, having been rendered speechless and blushing bright red. After the bottle goes empty, courtesy of Rainbow and me, I start the dishwasher as Rosalina kicks me off the sink and does the rest of the dishes. In response, I decide to head to bed early.

Author's Note

The Dan Ryan Expressway is I-90/I-94 concurrent south of I-290, and ends at the I-94/I-57 interchange.

SMG is the airport identifier for the [fictional] Chicago–Gusty Garden Airport.

Big Shoulders Bear Down

Early to rise the next morning, I head for the shower and mentally map out today’s plan. With Lockie, my brother-in-law, coming in to town for this evening’s Bears-Saints game, it only makes sense for the three of us to go together. Unfortunately, for obvious reasons, Lockie has one extra ticket.

“Howdy, Sugarcube!” Applejack greets after I enter the kitchen. “What would you like for breakfast?”

“Looks like pancakes. Thanks for offering!” I respond as I take in the scent of fresh batter.

“Think nothing of it!” Apple Bloom responds. “What would you like with them?“

“Caramel Syrup?” Applejack suggests.

“Praline?” Granny Smith adds.

“Pear Jam?” Apple Bloom finishes, to the apparent disdain of her kinfolk, who immediately all start laughing, AB herself included. Must be an inside joke.

“Take ‘yer pick, Cap’n Max.” Big Mac asks just as the first few hit the griddle.

“Eh, surprise me. Is that a bad idea?”

“Eeyup.”

“Eh? Well… I’ll just grin and Bear it.”

Lockie doesn’t arrive for another couple hours, so the joke came a little earlier than it should’ve. Unfortunately though, that joke is over their heads. Not that it was an easy grab anyway.

Chuckling at my own joke, I then pop some DayQuil for my sinuses and Advil for muscle soreness, having fallen asleep in a funky position last night. A swift shot of whiskey to wash them down is immediately met with a hostile reaction from the kitchen.

“You’re gonna get yourself killed one of these days.” Applejack says disdainfully.

“I’d say something back, but you’ve been through a lot worse than me.” I snap back under the buzz of my first drink.

“You said so yourself: grin and bear it.”

“And I am. Like so.” I say as I down some more pills with another shot, further enraging the middle Apple.

As I pour another shot to finish off the bottle, Rosalina emerges from the bedroom ready for the day. I quickly down the glass before Applejack goes redder than her family name and strips the the glass from my hand, downing the rest of it angrily. Unfortunately for her, it’s Fireball. As soon as she downs it, she audibly objects, slamming the glass back on the countertop, to which I respond with a smirk as I get the text that Lockie has landed.

“I’m here, I’m waiting.”

“Checked bags?”

“No, just a large carry-on.”

“Awesome! We’ve got some new friends with us, so be prepared for an adventure.”

When I send the text, I grab the keys to EVRFREE and head for Stevenson.

At Midway, plenty of luxury limos and rideshare providers are picking up passengers, but there’s no sign of Lockie.

“Upper level now. Arrivals is at a standstill.” He texts.

“I’m stuck down here, but stay where you are.”

10 minutes later, I pull up curbside, he tosses his bag into the back seat, and hops in.

“Lockie, my man! What’s up?!”

“Not much, just the game later this evening.”

“What’d‘ya think? NFC Championship preview?”

“Eh, not really? I’ve got good eyes on a Bears-Eagles NFC championship game.”

“Are you kidding, I really don’t think the Bears are gonna qualify this year. 9-7 will miss the playoffs easily.”

“Oh please. 7-9 can clinch a division.”

“In the AFC! Detroit’s out at 7-5. Doubt Minnesota will leave second.”

“Could be worse. You could be Green Bay.”

“We do not speak ill of the dead.”

We reach Spire in about 90 minutes. With the whole morning ahead, Lockie and his sister head up to their condo to catch up. I return to my condo and dig out another bottle of fireball from my bag, filling a glass next to the flapjacks touting a dab of butter, some caramel syrup, a healthy dose of pear jam, and a heapin’ helpin’ of praline.

“Those are yours, sugar cube, and for the love of your life, please put the drink away!”

“Why do you protest so?” I say sounding like Rarity. “You’ve already got me for mental instability, the least I can do is enjoy a few drinks.” I say as I take a shot.

“I don’t know what’s going on in your life, and I know you don’t want to hear this right now, but the honest truth is, it’s the holiday. You’re in great company, as are we. A drink or two is fine, but 1. Not this early in the day. And 2. Not when you have a fun day planned for us.”

“I do?”

“Yeah, I heard you talking to yourself.”

“Great, more of a mental case for you.”

“Aw, lighten up, sugarcube. I know you’re eager to impress. This is your hometown!”

My face changes slightly as Applejack knows she found what it took to brighten up my day.

“Thanks for the support.” I reply stoically.

“Yer’ welcome, sugar cube. Though normally, I’d expect Pinkie Pie to be the one to cheer you up.”

Just then, a voice calls from across the room.

“Cheering up?! Who’s sad??!”

“Not me, I’m dead inside.” I reply monotonously.

“Hahaha, you’re not a robot, silly!”

“What?”

“Where’s the nearest sweet shop?”

“Two blocks north.”

“Want anything?”

“Uh,” Applejack mentions, “I made flapjacks for us already.”

“I can get you a coffee! Or a tea, or juice, or something else.”

“I’m alright,” I respond, “thanks Pinkie.”

“Applejack?”

“Nah. I’m good.”

“Okie dokie, Loki! Be back soon!” She says as she steps into the lift.

“People that chipper make me nervous.” I think to myself.

“Morning, Twilight.” AJ calls out as I dig into my breakfast.

“Good morning to you two too!”

“Did you want anything from the coffee shop? Pinkie’s on her way, if you want to text her.”

“Eh, do you have coffee here?”

“K-Cups and the coffee maker are next to the toaster and ovens.”

“Cool, but I’m trying to cut back on coffee.”

“Anything you want, sugar cube? We ain’t got much. I was hoping we could go grocery shopping today.”

“What time is it?” I ask checking my watch. “If you want, you can go grocery shopping now, since I imagine most of the others are still asleep. $400 should cover it?”

“Thank you kindly for your generosity.”

“Hey! That’s my bit!” Rarity says as she bursts out of the lift.

“Flapjacks sound good this mornin’, Rarity?”

“Sure. But keep it light on the toppings.”

“On it!” Applejack shouts as she pours more batter onto the griddle.

As I eat, Dash and Scoots roll in with Sunset, leaving Sweetie Belle as the last one out. When Sweetie Belle does join us, the last of the batter goes, and to wash down breakfast, some more fireball. A blow of 0.04% prompts Applejack to exclaim,

“Heavens to Betsy, Max! How much did you drink?”

“Everything you saw, and then some.” I say feeling hot in the face.

“I’m amazed it isn’t higher.”

“Maybe it is. Don’t know how accurate these things are. Besides, at .04%, I’ll likely experience nothing more than glare sensitivity and slower reaction times.”

“You can’t drive then.”

“I know. Now that everyone’s here,” I say redirecting my voice to the crowd, “who wants to drive the big green Mercedes?”

“Why can’t you?” Twilight asks after a short silence.

“Day drunk on fireball.”

“What?!”

“Oh! My.” Fluttershy utters.

“At least I can be fun now.” I say under my breath.

“No you’re not.” Applejack asserts back. “This may come as a shock to you, but you become even more unfunny when you’re drunk. Your decision to get drunk this early in the day forces me to take some steps to make sure you stay safe and out of jail.”

“What else besides not driving then?”

“You are to be accompanied by one of us at all times, and only when you need to use the bathroom can you leave.”

“Fine, fine.”

“Hey, gates open in a few hours. When do you want to go see the museums?” Rosalina texts.

“We can go now.”

“Meet us at ground level then. 20 minutes.”

“Yay.” “Alright everyone,” I then call to the crowd, “leaving in 20 minutes.”

“Where?” Pinkie says as she emerges from the lift with 3 cups of coffee and a bag of donuts.

“Museum Campus. Field Museum, Shedd Aquarium, and Adler Planetarium.”

“Cool! Who ordered coffee?” She says as those who requested orders grab them.

“Pinkie,” Applejack says to her, “Max is drunk and can’t drive. Can you?”

“I should ask first,” I chip in, “how familiar are you with the city?”

“A fair amount. It’s just been a few years.”

“Good enough.”

“Okie dokie, Loki!”

”Wow Max! You wanna party already?!” Rainbow shouts from across the room.

“Hell yeah!” I respond, which further enrages Applejack but makes the others laugh. In response, I say, “see, I DO become funnier when I’m drunk.”

“Ha ha, sugar cube. You’re stayin’ with me.”

“Fine. Fine.”

“Hey, no fair! I wanted him to show me around!” Dash shouts back.

“He’s just gonna take you up in his airplane and expect some “favors” in return.” Applejack retorts.

“I’m sorry.” I respond sorrowfully, obliging to AJ out of spite. “I hope we can still be friends.”

Both Dash and AJ wince at my comment as Apple Bloom and Scootaloo start tittering.

“Don’t you dare egg him on!” The blonde says to her sister.

“Gotta admit though,” Apple Bloom responds defensively, “that was pretty funny.”

I smile innocently as Applejack goes red again.

“Okay, let’s get downstairs.” I say as I acknowledge her fury. “I think the high(-rise) life is starting to get to some of us.”

“Not. Cool.” She snaps back at me as I call the lift.

On the ground, I introduce Lockie to the crowd by his real name, Lachlan. The convenience of living right next to Soldier Field is revealed in the game day parking: $65, add $15 if tailgating,

Nevertheless, as I share a few cheers with fans, Lockie reveals his Saints jersey under his jacket. I smile as we stop in front of Soldier Field on the Museum Campus side to brief the day to everyone.

“Alright, this is Soldier Field, home of the Bears and a Veterans Memorial. There are three museums here that we’ll explore. Field Museum, Adler Planetarium, and Shedd Aquarium, in that order.”

After I grab the tickets, I repeat the MSI spiel. “For exhibits requiring additional admission, request a receipt and I’ll reimburse you. Meet back here in an hour.”

Applejack comes good on her promise and stays with me, as do the rest of her family. As I show them around the fossils in the foyer, I admit that I’m not much of a fan of archaeology. Fortunately, a docent by the name of Petunia picks us up with the small group she’s currently leading.

When the tour ends, we have half our time slot left over, but Apple Bloom spends some extra time with the fossils and Granny Smith trudges back to the precious stones with her elder granddaughter, where we meet Rarity.

No surprise seeing her here, Rarity begs Applejack to take me, and she does. She excitedly takes me by the arm as she takes pictures of many of the stones on display. This activity spares us 15 minutes, so after she does some stone shopping herself at the gift shop, we meet the others and continue on to Adler.

While the others wait at Man Enters the Cosmos, I purchase the tickets, where Twilight decides to stick with me.

Here, we share a few intellectual laughs as she geeks out about the maths of astronomy, since astronomy is the reason she got into math as a kid. Over time, that love became a marriage of career and passion, appropriate for the head of astronomy at Butler, due to become chair of the Physics department, and tenure shortly after that.

As she starts talking about more than simply the exhibits themselves, I can’t help but feel a sense of admiration-based attraction to Twilight for her intelligence, her intellect, slight innocence and relative naïveté, but most of all, her drive for her career, fueled by a passion for what she loves.

After we return to the lobby having exchanged a few more jokes and laughs along the way, the others meet us having been a little unimpressed by this museum, except for Applejack, who displays a sense of renewed hope. Inquiring minds, she was moved by a bit on shooting stars. Gladly, this trip was pretty good for some, but my shining moment is to come, onward to Aquarius!

After I issue the tickets, I give each of them to me, and guess who shows up after a docent brings her to the front? Melody!!!

We share a tight hug and tear-filled reunion as I tell her, “so, putting Marine Bio to good use, huh?”

“Spot got really sick, but we’ve nursed him back to health, and everyone loves him!”

“Fantastic! What are you doing specifically now?”

“I’m Spot’s trainer! He remembers mom, so I guess he really likes me for that reason.”

“I’m so proud to see you here! I thought you would’ve gone into medicine after your residency in Kauai.”

“I was, but when I heard the news about Spot, I just had to come take care of him.”

“I am so proud of you!”

“Thank you dad!”

I then introduce Melody to everyone, including Lockie, who has not met her despite knowing about her for quite some time.

Since Melody does want to show me her workplace, Applejack lets me be. As she gets me up close and personal with Spot, I share a petting, because I was there with Ariel assisting in his marine recovery efforts, and I personally transported him here to Shedd*. Fortunately, he does remember me.

After he and I share a heartfelt reunion of our own, I leave them to prepare for the day’s show, meeting Apple Bloom.

“Max, I have to ask: why did you decide to get drunk this early?”

“Eh?”

“And another thing, why Fireball?”

“It’s virtually the only thing I can drink that doesn’t make me vomit immediately. Surprising as it is, I have a high tolerance, but I’m still as featherweight as you can get. That’s because I get Asian flush.”

“What’s that?”

“Basically, my body lacks the enzyme to digest alcohol.”

“You look fine though.”

“Sometimes it shows, sometimes it doesn’t. I know I have a high tolerance, but I’ve been told I turn red after one hard cider, which is ironic, because those things are like 10 proof.”

“You know, Max, I’m not the best person to tell you this, but if you’re having trouble, why not talk to somebody?”

“I refuse to seek professional help, because I did once, and it actually accelerated my suicidal thoughts.”

“Ouch. I’m sorry.”

“I’m the one who should be sorry. I didn’t ask you to come here to Chicago just so I could bum you out.”

“It’s alright. I wouldn’t‘ve asked if I didn’t expect it.”

“You know, I like you, Apple Bloom, and your sister I deeply admire. Your family has gone through more hardships than I could ever imagine, and you did it all together.”

“I was really young when our parents passed, so I don’t have as strong a connection as AJ or Big Mac.”

“Still valid though.”

“If you want to talk about it, I wouldn’t mind hearing your stories.”

“I appreciate that, thank you. Maybe later, when I’m not showing you my city or eating the greatest pizza in the world.” I respond with a wink and nudge, which she giggles at.

“Apple Bloom! There you are!” Her older sister calls.

“Yeah. I found Max and we started talking.”

“Did he give you his sob story to gain sympathy??”

“No!” She insists. “If you would get over his overreacting to things, you would understand.”

“Ok, fine. What’s on ‘yer mind?”

“Later, when we’re not so, public, or in a place where we should be having fun.”

“Fine, but we need to tackle this problem at its source.”

“Obligation to say “been fighting this since high school. No end in sight.””

“Suck it up, buttercup and make some lemonade.”**

“Wouldn’t be the first time I’ve heard that.” I respond covering up a flare of anger.

“Good, now smile, It’s a Beautiful Day, and you’re with us. You’re a part of the family.”

“I’m honored.” I say as we group hug.

“Showtime’s at 15:30, meet at the amphitheater entrance 15 minutes before.”

“Cool.”

“Awesome!”

“Yay.”

That gives us about 45 minutes to explore until then, so the three of us continue to walk around.

When showtime rolls around, all 15 of us take a seat in center house, just outside the splash zone. Once we all get seated, Fluttershy sits next to me as Melody introduces herself as Spot’s trainer. I beam with fatherly pride as Fluttershy eagerly waits for the show to begin.

A beautiful show complemented by a compliment from the star of the show splashing me in particular, to the laughter of my company, I shed some liquid pride as the show wraps up. Fluttershy, having been enamored throughout the whole show, begs me to go backstage to meet him.

A few strings, Melody’s approval, and the three of us go back to meet Spot. Immediately, Fluttershy has a bit of a cute attack. I make sure he knows she’s friendly, but to my relief, the two of them get along rather nicely, probably more than us two, but I chalk it up to Fluttershy being Fluttershy.

As Melody and Fluttershy bond with Spot, I get texts asking where everybody is. I ask if everyone can come in, and after Melody checks with her coworkers, she approves. I give them directions, and after we all squeeze in, Melody’s coworkers leave to clean the show tank, as per schedule.

As all of us have some fun, Rosalina pulls me aside. With about an hour until the gates open, Rosalina and her brother are gonna leave now. I give them $200 in $20’s as Lockie gives me some $100’s.

“Thanks for breaking those,” he says, trying to avoid accepting money from me. I give my wife some more, to which she winks at me as they leave for Soldier Field.

After about a half hour with Spot, Melody decides to put him to bed, so once we leave, she asks where we’re going for dinner. No surprises as to what peoples’ sentiments are, I decide to be brave and go for Uno.

Pointless to walk, we pile in and head for the restaurant. I ask Rarity to check on the wait for Due after we park on the roof at the closest garage. I text “45 minutes” for Uno, and two minutes later comes “30 minutes“ for Due. I decide to just wait for the original after asking how hungry everyone is. As all of us wait outside in quickly chilling weather, I gather everyone close and channel my inner docent.

“This is Pizzeria Uno, the birthplace of Chicago-Style Pizza. Due, where Rarity came from, is the second location, but exact same otherwise, opening 12 years after this location in 1943,” I say pointing to Uno, “and 1955.” I finish pointing back down Wabash. “Ironically, the original intention of Pizzeria Uno was not pizza, but rather, Mexican, just for some variety, as they would’ve been one of very few Mexican restaurants in Chicago at the time. If you like deep dish pizza, this is where it all began!”

Pinkie, the Illinois native, then chimes in, “Eh, I prefer Gino’s.”

“I hope we can get to them. If you still would like to do a city tour, I can arrange that. Tour bus or directed by me, it’s up to you.”

“Why would we pay for a city tour when we can get one from you?!” A voice shouts from the back, sounding like either Scootaloo or Rainbow Dash.

“Because sometimes, it’s better for someone whose job it is to point out the best parts of the city do it than someone who is from the city but been far removed for many, many years.”

“No way! You wanted to show us the city, you’re showing us the city!”

“I won’t argue.”

“Max, party of 13!” The host shouts from the front door.

“Wow!” I shout to myself as many a waiting customer give me dirty looks. “That was fast!”

Given the size of the establishment, our tables are no surprise spread out. Nevertheless, after everyone looks over the menu, I move between tables strategizing what pizzas should go to which tables, and as a result, make seating arrangements as appropriate. The final arrangements are as follows:

At one table is Fluttershy, Rarity, Sweetie Belle, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and Scootaloo. With me at the other are Twilight, Sunset, and the Apples.

Each table will receive the same set of the following pizzas:
- Cheese and Tomato
- Chicago Classic: sausage, cheese and tomato
- Numero Uno: sausage, pepperoni, onions, bell peppers, and mushrooms.

Two rounds of refills later, the first pizzas roll out. One by one, each of us except for me go beady-eyed as we dig in.

Having dinner this late works to our advantage, as there is only one piece left collectively, which I ultimately eat to avoid leftovers. After the bill, despite insistence for proration from Rarity, we head back to Spire, where I outline tomorrow’s expected itinerary of a city tour, weather dependent, and Oven Grinder for dinner.

All good for the night, Rosalina and Lockie report their return to her condo, a 35-35 tie game, and dinner at Au Cheval “so [Lockie] could have the best burger in America.”

Author's Note

Rosalina’s brother, Lachlan, nicknamed “Lockie,” is modeled after this artwork by Peach-X-Yoshi.

*Melody is the daughter of Ariel and Prince Eric in The Little Mermaid II: Return To The Sea. When I first started writing back in 2011, I took a particular liking to the film and so I wrote myself in as her father instead. Prince Eric by default became a non-biological but nevertheless very influential figure in her life, and in fact she was closer to him than she ever was to me. Spot is an orca whale from The Little Mermaid TV series, and his being under Melody’s care along with the whole scene at Shedd is a callback to my very first days of fan fiction. As mermaids and merman, Ariel and I save Spot from poachers and nurse him back to health, eventually giving him a forever home at Shedd when it was revealed that he had lost his pod and was all on his own (that’s where I deviated, as in the series, Spot reunites with his pod). Truly the definition of self-insert, but alas, those works have since been destroyed, but their memory lives on here. No Disney or The Little Mermaid tags available.

(Bonus points if you know what makes Melody special in the MLP-verse).

**Nothing hurts more than when a friend tells you to suck it up, stop complaining, put a smile on, and make some lemonade. Makes my blood boil. Like I can just drop my sadness and be happy. It’s not that simple.

One More Day

Next morning, as I wake up to cloudy skies blanketing the city, I check weather and time. It’s gonna be a cold one, with a maximum temperature of just 1°C. Nevertheless, I’m ready before 8:00, so I head downstairs.

“Morning, sugar cube! You’re up early this morning.” Applejack calls as I step into the kitchen.

“Morning. Flapjacks again?”

“They’re a regular in the Apple family! Apple Bloom wanted to try and experiment with different flavors.”

“Potato and chocolate chip! Found the recipe online!”

“Ooh. Sweet and savory. I’m game.”

“I’ll warn ya now, Max,” Apple Bloom says bringing a plate of her own to the table, “I’m a horrible cook, and an even worse baker.”

I respond with, “oh, now” and take my first bite. The first thing to hit my mouth is a lot of salt with only a dash of sweet, then a unicorn hits me.

I wince at the sudden and intensely concentrated bursts of taste as Twilight pats my shoulder, sitting down next to me.

“Whoa. A bit of excess on the sweet.” I say as I reach for my glass of OJ and acknowledging Twilight with a nod.

“Awh.” Apple Bloom pouts, cutting into her own stack.

“Still, I love this! Did you use full sweet?”

“Huh?”

“Full sweet chocolate chips?”

“No. I always use semi-sweet.”

“Hmm. Must’ve just been an unlucky bite.” I say as I continue eating. “Great job though Apple Bloom. I could never match this. My compliments to the chef.”

“Thank you Max! it really means a lot.” She says, to which I smile brightly in response.

“Twilight,” Apple Bloom asks, “potato chip and chocolate chip pancakes?”

“Ooh. Sweet and savory,” Twilight responds, “sounds delicious.”

“Let me know what you think.”

As the two of them carry conversation, I get the door, revealing Rosalina and Lockie all ready for the day. They ask what do, and I reply with,

“City tour and Oven Grinder.”

“Perfect.”

“I just hope the queue isn’t too bad.”

“Shouldn’t be. Besides, it’s the perfect place to wrap up the tour.”

“Yes indeed. How many are here?” She asks conducting a head count. “5 missing.”

“Sunset, Rarity, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, and Rainbow Dash?”

*ding*

Out of the lift come all but Dash.

“Rainbow Dash is just stepping out of the shower.” Scootaloo says with a chuckle.

“Great… How long does she usually take?”

“Anywhere from 10 to 30 minutes.”

With city traffic just approaching the end of morning rush, this is the perfect time for the city tour.

When we pile in to the cars, and volunteers give their phones, I launch the conference call after hooking up Bluetooth.

“Can everybody hear me okay?” I ask over the line.

“All good in the jackfruit!” Pinkie calls.

“And you’ve got ears from the orange!” Says Applejack to get us going.

“Yay. Let’s start our tour at the obvious: our residence. The Chicago Spire has a rather interesting history. Originally broken ground when I was a wee, ~~the country’s hardest~~ recession hit especially hard, in fact cancelling the original project by the time I started high school. The site stood dormant for years with a hole in the ground that would’ve served as the base. That hole has since been filled by this here garage of mine.” I finish as we exit Spire and head north to catch LSD.

As the convoy catches up, I continue. “Standing at 4,096 feet from street level to the tip of the mast/lightning rod, this building boasts the highest residences in the world, the highest indoor swimming pool, the largest floor count at 300, highest sky lobby, the world’s highest restaurant space, which currently sits vacant as we look for future tenants, and of course, the obvious: the tallest building in the world, 1.5 times taller than the next tallest, the Burj Khalifa in Dubai. But enough about the pride and joy of my city, let’s head to the next point of interest, for those of you that are fans of architecture, the Robie House.”

Just as we jump onto LSD, I take a breath and continue, “on the way down, let me introduce you to the southern extension of Lake Shore Drive, or as Illinois natives like to call it, LSD. No, this is not a euphemism or a code word. Just the initials. Famous for its 3-level concurrency with Wacker Drive in the financial district, this is the place to cruise on a beautiful summer day with the windows and/or top down. Of course, let’s not forget about the many beaches the city has to offer along beautiful Lake Michigan. Our next point of interest will be Grant Park, highlighted by Buckingham Fountain, which was donated by the daughter of a grain magnate in honor of her brother in 1927. Often called the front door to Chicago due to its southerly location from the rest of the city, the fountain itself is surrounded by four sea horses, which represent the four states that border Lake Michigan: Wisconsin, Illinois, Indiana, and Michigan. From spring to fall, the fountain features water shows 3 times an hour from 0800 to 2300, the night shows complete with choreographed lighting effects. Quite a pretty display if I say so myself.” “Approaching on the left is Museum Campus and Soldier Field, home of the Chicago Bears, as well as the three museums we visited yesterday. Soldier Field is a “living, breathing memorial” to those in service past and present, despite controversy surrounding its major remodel back in 2003. If you’d like more information, I can discuss that later. On the right for those of you motoring enthusiasts, is the eastern terminus of I-55, the Adlai Stevenson Expressway. That is the modern supplantation of Route 66. If you were interested in driving along the Mother Road, this is where she began. Aviation enthusiasts will also note Northerly Island Park, the former site of Meigs Field, closed in 2006 for security reasons, and McCormick Place, the largest convention center in North America. We have a bit of a ways still to the Robie House, but if there are any questions, please don’t hesitate to speak up.”

No questions as we leave LSD and roll into University of Chicago. “Welcome to the University of Chicago, and the Robie House here on the right.” I finish pulling up to some open parking spots right in front of it. “Built by Frank Lloyd Wright for its namesake, this is the last of his houses designed in his studio in Oak Park and the last of the Prairie School architectural style that soon went out of style after this house was completed. Unfortunately, after a residence of about 14 months, the house had to be sold due to the owner’s financial and marital misfortunes. The death of his father and collapse of his marriage forced the sale of the house, which was almost torn down, much to the protest of Wright himself, who demonstrated with many Uni students to preserve it, which today continues to stand and is a US Historical Landmark for its design and construction.“

As the group take pictures, I hang around and check for police or other cars. Once ready, we continue up, taking Dan Ryan past U.S. Cellular. At the city’s worst interchange, Jane Byrne, we take Stevenson for United Center, where I quip, “welcome to Chicagoland’s worst interchange, en route to United Center, home of the Bulls and Blackhawks.”

When we reach UC, I ask if anyone wants to step out and stretch. None accept, so I instead park and double check the route, during which time a question pops up.

“Did Mrs. O’Leary’s cow knock over a lamp?” I hear over the line, sounding like Apple Bloom.

“Actually, no. That was a myth fabricated by political machines to bash Irish immigrants. Believe it or not, anti-immigration sentiments are not exclusive to our neighbors to the south. Anyway, while the fire did in fact start in a barn, there is no conclusive evidence as to what started it. The only reason the fire spread so catastrophically is because that year was especially dry, and it was a particularly blustery day, so embers could travel for miles and start new fires, and they did. It also didn’t help that most of the city was built upon wood. That’s why there are so many brick buildings in Chicago today.“

“Oh. My.” I hear Fluttershy from behind me.

“Are we ready to continue?” I ask chuckling at her remark.

After unanimous approval, we catch Eisenhower E for Franklin/Wacker to [Upper] Wacker. “Up next is a pride and joy of the city, Sears Tower. Built in 1973 by Sears Roebuck & Co, the design for the building came about by use of a cigarette box. if you remember from the history video when we were there, the shape of the building came from pulling individual cigarettes in the box to different heights, forming a bundled tube structure, which explains its odd ends. Standing at 1,453 feet, it was at its completion in 1973 the tallest building in the world until 1998, when the Petronas Twin Towers in Kuala Lumpur surpassed it. The Sears Tower could’ve been the tallest building in the world by leaps and bounds, rivaling Spire, but the FAA had to limit the height of the building to protect air traffic, as two runways at O’Hare at the time were NW-SE, which meant the approach path took them virtually right over downtown. Even so, the building is virtually all office space, with the largest tenant being United Airlines. There are actually two observation decks, weather dependent, one on floor 99, and the one we visited, on floor 103. SkyDeck’s glass balconies are a staple of the tower, allowing for a straight view down to the surface below.” I pause as my heart rate climbs slightly thinking about a visit long ago when I planked on one in a stupid attempt to get likes.

“Our next stop,” I say as I fight to catch Monroe St, “is the Art Institute of Chicago. Home to many famous artworks including Picasso’s The Old Guitarist, Georges Seurat’s Sunday afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jette, The Child’s Bath by Mary Cassatt, Edward Hopper’s Nighthawks, and most famously, Grant Wood’s American Gothic.”

As we stop outside the entrance, traffic builds up just as a few motorists block the intersection. Horns blare, tingles go up my spine, and my hands start shaking, afraid of not being able to move and incurring the wrath of those behind us. Since we’ve come from the south, our next stop is Cloud Gate. “In a few blocks, we’ll pass by Cloud Gate, aka The Bean. If you’d like to take pictures here, let me know and we’ll go, because we have two days of trip left, and one of them is free as air.”

“Can we go to Au Cheval?” Pinkie asks over the line.

“I’m game, except it can’t be tonight.”

“Tomorrow then?”

“Why not? I also planned on Michael Jordan’s Steakhouse. Sorry to you vegetarians out there.”

“It’s fine.” Sunset says behind me, since the only vegetarians are both with me.

“Our last few stops will be Magnificent Mile, John Hancock Center, Wrigley Field, and Oven Grinder. John Hancock is a multi-use, mostly residential mark of the Chicago skyline. Opened in 1969, much like Sears, Hancock features a tubular architecture as part of a late modern structural expressionism which features X-bracing to protect the building against high winds, the lake effect of which the city earns its endearing nickname. 5 years older than Sears, its own completion made it the 2nd tallest in the world after the Empire State Building, but before we reach Hancock, Michigan Ave and Chicago’s Magnificent Mile!” I exclaim as we cross DuSable. “Simply put, the 5th Avenue of Chicago. Nike, Tiffany, Louis Vuitton, Saks Fifth, Neiman Marcus, and more. Some of you have already made yourselves familiar with this stretch of road. On the immediate right is Hotel Intercontinental, home of Michael Jordan’s Steakhouse. Also here just east of the corner of Michigan and Ontario is Garrett Popcorn, yet another Chicago staple that we’ve already visited. Again, if any of these points interest you, please don’t hesitate to let me know and we’ll make time for it. Also, as we approach John Hancock, one more bit about the Great Fire. Seven buildings in the burn area survived. Two of those buildings are the Water Tower and Pumping Station, both of which we’ll pass shortly.”

When we pass Chicago Ave, I call out, “Pumping Station on the right, Water Tower on your left.”

At the end of the road, we enter LSD, where Rosalina pitches in that this is her favorite part of the city for the beaches and shoreline. As traffic worsens, I take a look beyond the lake. Just as forecast, with the clock approaching 16:00, the weather has changed. By that, the sun is approaching Twilight and there’s a thick layer of fog on its way in.

Before it gets too dark, I wrap up our city tour with a seasonally derelict Wrigley marquee. “This, is, Wrigley Field. The Friendly Confines. Home of the Chicago Cubs, and the Bears from 1921 to 1970; famous for its refusal to install lights for night games until 1988, the rooftop bleachers across Sheffield Ave in right field as well as the Ivy-covered outfield brick wall. Opened in 1914, Wrigley Field is the second oldest ballpark in the major leagues, trailing Boston’s Fenway Park, which opened in 1912. Coincidentally, the Ivy of choice for the outfield wall is known as Japanese or Boston Ivy, which is very well-suited to Chicago winters compared to the common English or European Ivy it once bore. Chicago is a city steeped in tradition, and Wrigley Field is a perfect manifestation of that.”

We leave LSD at IL-64, where once we turn onto Clark, I search for parking. “Our final stop on this tour is Chicago Pizza and Oven Grinder Company, a restaurant located right across the street from the site of the famous Valentines Day massacre of Al Capone fame. The restaurant didn’t actually open until 1972, but the original building, according to theory, is where Al Capone stationed lookout men for said massacre. There is however no evidence to support this theory. However, onto the restaurant. This location is famous for their “pizza pot pie” and “Mediterranean Bread.” For our large party, we’ll split into two parties. One of 8 and one of 7. And on that, bombshell, that concludes this city tour. If there are other questions about the city, please direct those to either Rosalina or me, or the internet. I’d just like to say that it has been more than an absolute pleasure to be able to show you all my city, and I hope you enjoyed it as much as I have.” And with that, I hang up, marking a total call time of 3 hours, 42 minutes, 37 seconds.

After heading two blocks north of Oven Grinder, I circle back down Clark and grab three spots at the Lincoln & Clark Y intersection. Much to my surprise, the man who comes out to take names recognizes me from the last time I went to the restaurant a while back. Same with Rosalina. Since this is a popular place, no one signs in with a host. Instead, the host remembers you by face, and will personally call you without needing to take a name. Pretty cool system if you ask me.

I tell him we’re a party of 15, expecting an 8 and 7 split. Queue time is in excess of 45 minutes, but no one really seems to mind.

As we continue queueing, a few fancy guests in their fancy cars show up and conversations erupt as Rosalina and Lockie wait beside me. We get called at the same time, but the most hungry ones go with Rosalina and Lockie - Rainbow Dash, Scootaloo, Pinkie, Sunset, and Twilight. That leaves me with Fluttershy, Rarity, Sweetie Belle, and the Apples. Sat at tables on opposite corners of the floor, I remind Rosalina that the order is 2 Mediterranean Bread and 2 1-lb pot pies each for the table. Drinks here are all water, except for an iced tea from Fluttershy.

As conversation carries on, I have a few sips of water as shooting pains bloom out of my ribs, again. As I clutch my chest and consciously breathe, my ears start to ring, my eyes widen, my vision starts to go, and a voice shouts, “you’ve failed. You’ve let everybody down: family, friends, colleagues. But most importantly, you failed yourself.”

I ask for some more water, but the juddering and buffeting continues, evidenced by a difficulty to hold the glass firmly, trying with all my might to suppress the voices inside my head. Fluttershy’s eyes widen nervously, so she nudges Applejack. The two of them look at me then get Rosalina. When she comes over, I show her my ‘rock steady’ hands.

“What’s wrong?”

“I-I-I don’t kn-n-n-now. I’ve never felt better, and yet the v-v-v-vvoices in my h-h-h-head are trying to tell me I failed, that I let everybody down.” I say with breath shakier than San Francisco.

“Remember what I told you. Those words are not true.”

“I don’t know what’s causing it. For all I know…” I pause, “I could just be nervouscited about this trip. I mean yeah, I had a couple of mild outbursts on the way here, and a couple while we were exploring museums, but I just did a city tour! I got to show off Chicago! I’m sure you know how eager I was to do that, especially with everyone else. I’m so proud of myself for that.”

“Me too. I forgot how happy Chicago makes you.”

“I’m glad.” I say glad that the conversation is at least dampening my panic. I take a deep breath and then say, “I’ll be fine.”

“Please don’t hesitate to let me know what you need.”

“Of course.”

“Oh, and by the way,” Rosalina says to me before she heads back to her table, “when you ended the tour, I had never heard you so happy since we got married.”

Shocked by her revelation, I completely overlook the fact that the shooting pains are gone and the voice has been silenced.

“This is unbelievable, Max. What’s gotten into you?” Applejack says.

“I honestly don’t know. I’m not in dire straits nor do I have a reason to be. I’m going to take a punt that I’m stuck in a mental rut of ‘if nothing’s wrong, then something’s up.’”

“Where did ‘ya learn that?” Granny Smith asks just as confused as her granddaughter.

“Well, I guess that’s due to me feeling a need to prove myself even when I don’t need to. I mean hell, the whole reason I wanted to do a city tour is to show you how much I love Chicago.”

“That doesn’t answer the question.” Applejack responds. “Why would you feel a need to prove yourself?”

“Eagerness to impress, I guess? I don’t know really.”

“Then what?” Applejack asks back, an assertive seriousness leaving her mouth.

“I guess the best way to put it is, “having grown up needing to shout just to be heard has manifested itself to where I subconsciously show myself off, often rather loudly, to prove, mostly to myself, that I’ve made it. I’m everything I wanted to be and was expected to be. A pilot as per me’ own wishes, and financially secure with millions, per the family.”

“So, you’re compensating?” Apple Bloom asks rather naïvely.

“If you want to call it that. I guess I project my own perceived insufficiency onto others, and for that if it’s off-putting, I can only apologize.”

“It’s alright, sugar cube.” Her older sister then responds with the voice of a mother. “If I may be honest with you, when you look past all this,” she says pointing to me, implying some kind of façade, “at your core, you’re a really nice and genuinely all around good person. You just have a troubled past that you’re letting define and control you.”

“Thank you, I appreciate that.” I say just as the Mediterranean Bread for both our tables arrives. “This is Mediterranean Bread. As you can see, it’s pizza dough brushed with butter, olive oil and Mediterranean herbs.”

As each of us dig away at it, one piece is left. None oblige until Apple Bloom finishes hers, to which I encourage her to take the last piece. She declines, saving room for the pie, but no one else takes, so I send it to the other table, where Pinkie goes for it. The waiters quickly bus our dishes as conversation from Applejack and Rarity takes hold.

Apple Bloom and her grandmother then start talking as Sweetie Belle surfs her phone. Oh how I wish I could have a cigarette to soothe my nerves.

Before too long, our pies arrive, and immediately we all dig in after the all-clear has been given, that is to say, after certain people decide to snap pics and upload. Suddenly, my phone blows up with tags in social media posts. Apparently, because it’s the day before the holiday, the optimal algorithm time to upload is now, or something like that. Whatever the case, plenty of posts from various accounts tag me in them along with a wave of follow and friend requests. All accepted and followed back, we dig in happy, hungry, and content.

As we dig in and chat between tables, I enjoy myself watching the others enjoy themselves. As I sip away, that voice in the back of my head still faintly shouts, “you’ve failed yourself! You’re not good enough.”

As that voice rises in volume, I listen in on some conversations and check my phone. Some family group chats go off with holiday well wishes, but for obvious reasons, I can’t say anything. Nevertheless, I smile knowing that the family still has some semblance of togetherness, even though I was the only one who ever really reached out to them. I don’t regret that decision, but it does kind of pain me to see that my own siblings give the cold shoulder to blood relatives, especially because I got so much stink from my siblings and parents for even associating with that part of the family.

Before I rant on too much about that, I get the bill. A total of just over $350, which includes a hearty tip for large party outside of normal gratuities. Rosalina’s is exactly the same, so after she covers, I reimburse her, which she refuses, so I give the money to Lockie, who promises to get it to her. As thanks, and for his airfare, I give him money of his too. He also refuses despite my insistence, which he finally obliges to, mostly to shut me up.

When we leave, the restaurant noticeably emptier now, but the queue breathing some sighs of relief, we pile in and head for home. Tomorrow, my favorite pizza place is holding a special for us at the holiday, by my gracious request and a handful of opportunistic staff who would love overtime pay at a considerable premium for working on a holiday.

That night, as everyone slowly retires for the night, Lockie and Rosalina go to their condo, so I get ready for bed now. Doing everything in my power to silence the voices in my head for good, I end up one of the last to retire. After routine maintenance and a hearty amount of sleep aid, I pass the heck out, knowing that tomorrow will be a good one.

Author's Note

Eisenhower is I-290.

Jane Byrne is where Kennedy meets Eisenhower just west of Grant Park. South of this interchange, I-90/I-94 is known as Dan Ryan until I-57.

It’s All Worth It In The End

ZzzQuil done good, I wake up with enough energy to jump into the shower. Unfortunately, that energy wears off by the time I reach the kitchen. Enjoying fresh tap water, sourced from the only All-American Great Lake, I beat the Apples to the up, but only by a few seconds, as when I finish my first glass, the lift dings, revealing the core four ready for the day.

“I win.” I say. “Good morning and happy holidays!”

“Morning, sugar cube.”

“Happy holidays!” Granny Smith adds. “The night treat you well?”

“Uh, okay I guess. I’m a little excited right now. I have the best Chicago pizza many years running for dinner.”

“I’m still full from last night.” Apple Bloom whines.

“Eeyup.” Big Mac cracks back in agreement.

“Well, then be mindful of tonight. I’ve got plenty of fun in store, mostly food. I get really excited about Chicago pizza, and I’m showing you my favorites. I won’t get to show you the lower end of the pizza spectrum.”

“The lower end of the what now?” Applejack asks more confused than the others.

“Of the four major Chicago pizza chains, I rank them as Giordano’s, followed by Gino’s East and Uno/Due in a close tie for second, then Lou Malnati’s as the best. It also just hit me that Sunset can visit both Lou’s and Gino’s, as there are locations in Phoenix.”

“Oh that’s alright.” Sunset chimes in, appearing behind the Apples.

“Hello Sunset. You’re up early this morning.”

“I know. I just woke up and couldn’t go back to sleep.”

“I hope that’s not a bad thing.”

“Thanks.” She says jabbing her fist into my arm and peeking into the fridge.

“What? I’m just concerned that you might crash in the middle of the day.”

“Maybe.”

Before the next person comes down, I get a call from the restaurant.

“Hello?”

“Hi, is this Max?”

“It is.”

“Hi, this is Lou Malnati’s Lincolnwood calling, how are you today?”

“Very well, yourself?”

“Not too bad. I have you with an expected party of… 15 for tonight’s private event?”

“That is correct.”

“Excellent. Would you like to pre-order your pizzas so that they’ll be ready when you all get here?”

“Um, sure. That way, as soon as everyone is seated, we can grab drink orders and then roll them out.”

“Excellent, one moment please… go ahead.”

“Okay, um. First off, all pizzas will be large. Just to keep things simple.”

“Sure.”

“And to keep things simpler still, two of each deep dish pie.”

“Two Lou’s, Two Chicago Classic, and Two Cheese?”

“Yes. Six pizzas in total.”

“You want to throw in anything else?”

“Um, a few orders of the garlic cheese bread.”

“You got it.”

“And that should complete the order.”

“Alright, 2 Lou, 2 Chicago Classic, 2 Cheese; and is 3 good for the Garlic Cheese Bread?”

“That’s all correct. Can you hold for one second?”

“Yeah, no problem.”

“Thank you. One moment please.”

Placed on hold, I wait patiently for the other end of the line.

About three minutes later, the music cuts.

“Hello Max, you still there?”

“Yes, I’m here.”

“Would you like to do an open bar? I have my manager here with me. He can talk to you about that.”

“Sure.”

“No problem, one moment please.”

“Hello?” Another voice responds. “Is this Max?”

“Yes sir.”

“Okay. Um, you want to do an open bar?”

“I’d like to just in case, but I don’t know if they’d want to or whether they’d actually use it.”

“It won’t be a problem either way.”

“What cancellation rate is there if we decide not to?”

“Nothing extra. We’ll only charge what you buy.”

“Okay, then we’ll go ahead and do that.”

“You got it!”

“Thank you so much!”

“No problem. Now, let’s just make sure everything is correct. You’re set for 19:10, 2 Lou, 2 Classic, 2 Cheese, 3 Garlic Cheese Bread, and open bar.”

“Uh, yes.”

“Sounds good. You’re all set.”

“Will this interfere with company picnics or family times?”

“Actually, no. The staff on duty tonight volunteered for it.”

“Well, I wouldn’t want to intrude on their time. If I may ask, what’s the overtime pay for this shift?”

“Time and 3/4.”

“I’ll raise you to 2. Consider it extra gratuity.”

“You’ve got yourself a deal. My staff will be very grateful.”

“Perfect. Will I be seeing you tonight?”

“Not me, sir. My parents have invited us to their house in Palatine.”

“No problem. Safe travels and happy holidays to you!”

“Thank you sir, same to you.”

“Thank you. Bye now.”

“Bye.”

Since our only plan is Lincolnwood at 19:10, out of the city at 18:05. Until then, breakfast, ideas, and see where we go from here.

Dishwasher loaded and on a delayed start, I propose, “anywhere you want to go? I know Au Cheval was a request.”

“They open on the holiday?”

“It’s a bar. I don’t see why not.”

“Let’s go then.”

“Dinner isn’t until 19:00, so we can eat there at around 14:00. Is there anywhere or anything you want to do in the meantime?”

“Uh, do you want to walk around Magnificent Mile?” Pinkie suggests.

“Anyone want to go shopping?” I ask everyone.

“Same place as last?” Sunset asks.

“Pretty much. It’ll be on Magnificent Mile, of which Water Tower is a part.”

“Why not?” A few respond with uncertainty.

“There’s Zara, Saks Fifth, Nike, Cubs store, Neiman Marcus, Tiffany, Rolex, Cartier… uh, that’s all I can think of off the top of my head.”

“Works for me!” Pinkie exclaims.

“And I must simply NOT let a trip to a place such as this one go without a trip to Tiffany!”

“Never took you for a Tiffany girl, Rares.” Applejack quips with clear intent of provocation.

“Oh, pfft, Applejack, don’t be absurd!” Rarity scoffs back, which makes the blonde chuckle.

“Any takers for Magnificent Mile?” I ask one more time.

Sunset, Rarity, Pinkie, Sweetie Belle, Apple Bloom, and Fluttershy all oblige. The rest of the group eventually concurs, and seeing it as an opportunity to at least, in the words of Granny Smith, take a walk to get out of the condo, we pile into the lift.

When we get to Michigan Ave, I stop at Intercontinental, designating Michael Jordan’s Steakhouse the rendezvous point at 13:00. Rarity, Sunset, Pinkie and Fluttershy make for the shops as Rosalina decides to take Lockie to MJ’s for lunch. Granny Smith takes her grandchildren for a walk, and Apple Bloom convinces her two besties to join them, so Pinkie, Rainbow Dash and Twilight join the 3 of us for a light meal.

Being Michael Jordan’s Steakhouse, I tout the Delmonico but highly recommend pretty much everything else on the menu. I admit, we should’ve made a reservation, so after consulting with our waiter, I warn that we have many others coming in from Magnificent Mile. After talking with the hostess, we get moved to a bigger table that’ll fit us all, with the same waitress.

Not 15 minutes after we order, the first shoppers return. A quick peek at the hair reveals our trend-setting fashionista. In one hand is a single midsize bag, bearing the likes of Tiffany. No surprises there, I try and peek inside the bag, but instead of snatching it away from prying eyes, she reaches into her top and pulls out a beautiful necklace she’s wearing that complements her decidedly wintery outfit.

I give her beady eyes as a joke, to which she immediately reacts with, “stop staring! That’s not very becoming of either of us, especially for you!”

“Pardon me for admiring a very pretty design.” I say in my defense as she blushes.

When a few more join us, I pass the Delmonico steak I ordered around. Each of the others takes a bite except for the obvious, leaving two more bites for me, which I finish easily.

After I close the tab, we return to Spire, swap some things, then pile into cars for Au Cheval. North Water–McClurg–Grand–State, across Bataan-Corregidor, to Randolph. Scattered parking for the three cars, I grab the table as soon as I park. Largely open seating, 3 booths of 5 apiece should fare well here. The service is surprisingly slow, even for a holiday.

A waitress/waiter team, the latter in training, handle us for the afternoon. After plenty of suggestions, each table will split a burger, to be sensible. With only one other party here, we go through drinks, glad that Applejack is at another table, so I have a single shot of Chocolate Martini and nothing else besides water and coffee. When the last bits of burger are whittled down, I close the tab amidst a few lively conversations from our other tables. With still a few hours before Lou’s, we return to Spire and ready our stomachs.

When we roll onto Kennedy, traffic is pretty heavy, especially because winter is coming late this year. Nevertheless, I play it aggressive and maintain an average of 86 until we reach Edens, where the speed of our convoy matches the highway number - 94.

Hot brakes at the Touhy off-ramp, we grab good spots due to being the only ones here besides employees.

The pizzas and garlic bread are already there, and so after the whole group plays dibs, we all gather round for the pizza. Each person grabs a slice to kick things off. Just as I expected, a few keep their dinner light. In fact, the heaviest eaters are Rainbow Dash and Applejack. No surprises there, I spend most of the evening joining in the occasional conversation, watching the drinks tab rack up all the while.

The dinner itself kind of goes late, with plenty of leftovers. At this point, I ask for the check. A hefty tip and gratuity for the 2 times overtime bonus yields a total dinner cost of $405.91.

After the last of the food gets boxed up, I carry plenty of leftovers back with me for the night. Back at Spire, I decide to dip my feet in the hot tub, where I’m joined by my wife. I chat with her for the brief time she stays, but after a goodnight hug and kiss, she quickly leaves to take Lockie to her place.

A few minutes later, I call the lift back to get me. When the doors open, Apple Bloom is standing inside the car.

“Hi Max!”

“Howdy Apple Bloom. You look unusually energetic for thanksgiving… midnight.”

“I’m not a Black Friday type, and I still have some energy left. Figured I may as well hang out up here.”

“You have swimwear?”

“No, but a few laps won’t hurt.”

“Fair enough. Have fun, but no skinny dipping.”

“Thanks!” She responds as she takes off her clothes, jumping in the pool as the lift doors close.

Back at the lobby, Sweetie Belle and Scootaloo are comfortable in front of the tv, watching a movie. I smile at the two of them as I head for the master. My evening routine exhausts me perfectly to bed, so I declare this holiday gathering a success!

Next morning, I pour some cereal to finish the milk, joined by Rosalina, Lockie, Twilight, and the Apples.

“Lockie, when do you leave?”

“16:45.”

“Cool. No one else is leaving today, right?”

“We weren’t planning on driving back until tomorrow.” Applejack answers.

“Same here.” Twilight says.

To my surprise, Rosalina pulls me aside and says, “I know it’s such short notice, but Lockie needs me to go with him.”

“Do you need me with you?”

“Not really. We need to go through our parents’ stuff since he needs to free space at his house.”

“Oh. How long will you be gone?”

“I can’t say. There’s supposedly a lot of stuff to go through.”

“Would you care if I was with you?”

“It’s fine if you do, but you don’t need to.”

“No problem if you don’t.”

“I don’t think you’ll need to be there actually. I will however let you know if I do need you.”

“Yes, please do. Same flight as Lockie then?”

“Yes.”

“No problem.“

Soon, everyone is ready, and as a treat from my own Chicago trips, I set course for Affy Tapple. A real treat for our farmers, featuring, nutty, plain, M&M, you name it. One of everything? Sure.

While the others enjoy their Caramel Apples & Apple Sweets, I make a quick stop at Oberweis because I’m the only one crazy enough to get ice cream in a Midwestern winter.

Once we return to Spire, I delay the drive to Midway by 25 minutes since we have some extra time. I ask if anyone wants to join, but only Applejack accepts.

Once we pile in, everyone wishes each other well, and bags loaded, I head for MDW. Stevenson gives us some trouble, but Cicero really gives it to us. No surprises there, I soon reach the departures loop, finding just enough space behind a departing car to drop them off.

I make quick work of unloading, and as soon as I close the boot, I give hugs and kisses as they head in to check their bags. After they join the long queue for baggage check-in, I climb back in and traffic check, to which a guard clears me in to a line of slow-moving traffic out of terminal loop.

As soon as I get onto Stevenson, I get a text from Rosalina. I open it to see what she says, and CarPlay announces,

“I want a divorce.”

Author's Note

Thank you for sticking with me to the end. I had some fun with it, since this is loosely inspired by events that happened to me spending the holiday with two sides of my family that are virtually at war with each other. Me having to play the middle man and getting flack from my parents and siblings for even associating with that side of the family really threw me for a whirl.

I am a proud Chicagoan. My previous fan fiction work in the other 2 universes I’ve worked with - Disney and Nintendo, have a significant Chicago story within them. Now it’s MLP’s turn. Writing this helped alleviate some of the tensions from my panic attacks, which is reflected in the way it’s written.

Individual adventures on the way!