A new frontier. Eh. Oh yeah, God. Goddamnit. Fuck. Anyway, yeah. Twilight was smothering her naked body with Pinkie Pie's blood. Jonah watched from afar and he was somewhat aroused. Yikes. Cronenbergian to the max, daddy. So, yeah, space program, millions died, lots of sex, postmodernism, yadda yadda yadda. You must know the drill by know. I guess. I don't know anymore. She had done this because Pinkie Pie had once again insulted Jonah. Jonah then strapped Applejack to a chair, rammed a funnel down her throat and connected said funnel to a vat of liquefied cheesecake. Jonah flipped the switch thingy and the cheesecake went down Applejack's esophagus. After finishing that job, he crammed Pinkie Pie's remains into a tiny escape pod and shot it out into cold, dark abyss of space.
"Good job, Jonah. You showed those thots their place." said Twilight.
"It wasn't any punishment, you crazy fuck! I was blasting Pinkie Pie into the void of space so you wouldn't get incriminated and I was just trying to make Applejack obese like every true Texan! Do't get me wrong, I appreciate your support, though." replied Jonah.
Then Rarity came in with some Ketamine-laced cookies.
"Bitch! You postmodern fuck! Anus shit!" said Rarity.
Jonah then ate a Ketamine-laced cookie.
"What is society? The existence of the individual is a refutation of society's ideals. Thus, the only truly ethical system is anarcho-capitalism." pondered Jonah.
"Bitch, please." said Twilight Sparkle.
Suddenly, the evil Braeburn came up as a hologram on the spaceship. The snivelling, sneaky cunt said to our heroes:
"Yo, bitches! The dimensional merge is coming! We're all gonna die!"
"Fuck you, Braeburn!" said Jonah.
Jonah then wobbled a bit because he ate a Ketamine-laced cookie. Fuck.
Jonah then disconnected the cheesecake tube. Applejack was now 300 pounds. The minimum size for any true Texan.
"Thank you, pardner!" she said "I was worrying that I was getting dangerously thin!"
The ship entered hyperdrive.
"What the fuck, ship AI?" said Jonah.
"Sorry, Jonah." said the ship AI "The levels of postmodernism are getting too high. We are dangerously close to breaking the fourth wall."
Jonah then punched through the computer screen, slapped the viewer for having read such a stupid fanfiction instead of reading worthwhile works of art such as that Dan X Pinkie Pie crossover thingy.
The ship then entered the fuck galaxy.
"Fuck." said PussyAss, the ship personal commander leopard.
"Well said, PussyAss." said Jonah.
The dimensional merge was all like:
"Yo. I'm a dead world on a metaphysical level. I used to be the DabVerse but now I'mma kill you all!"
"You gay pussy of an eldritch abomination!" said Jonah, before pulling out a gun that was like the size of a bus, ramming it through the wall of the ship with his enormous strength and blasting that fucking eldritch abomination.
The dimensional merge got slightly weaker but was all like:
"OK, that was swag but is that all you got?"
The dimensional merge then put some airpods on.
Applejack then launched herself into space using an escape pod, jumped out and ate the dimensional merge. Jonah then teleported the ship into her area, saving her from dying of asphyxiation.
"I feel slightly bloated." said Applejack.
She then violently shat out the dimensional merge.
In the new world, everyone was back where they were meant to be among the barren redness.
"Shit, mane. We're at, like, the fifth impact now." said Jonah.
"If we tally the times an End of Evangelion-like disaster happened on the DabVerse as well as on this universe, yes." said Twilight, who was now obese (350 pounds) and a Texan.
Jonah then noticed he was a Ganguro girl who weighed 400 pounds. She then vomited. Jonah and Twilight then had slimy, greasy intercourse on a pile of rubble. Rarity woke up to see that she too was a fat fuck. Ditto for everyone else who's alive. I lost count.
Applejack woke up and everyone saw that she had lost her fatness. Dismayed to see her in such a condition, everyone decided that the most moral thing to do was to put her down so Jonah suffocated her by sitting on her face with her phat ass cheeks.
Jonah and Twilight then pranced around the red-tinted remains of Ponyville in order to laugh at the corpses of those who had died.
"Ha-ha! We are immortal and you are dead! Dingus!" the two jeered in unison.
Then Discord rode up on a horse while Lil Nas X's Old Town Road blared frim a stereo that had been placed on the top of his head and was all like: "I need your help to destroy the world!"
Jonah excitedly leapt on the horse but her weight combined with that of Discord caused the horse to collapse and rupture its spleen. Discord then lifted Jonah with his psychic powers and due to the laws of relativity, they both grew to Godzilla size. Jonah then crushed the pony planet between he thighs. She and Discord then saved the Mane Six from dying, even those who were already dead (they were resurrected but at the cost of them being obese now). Then Tupac and Jaden Smith came out of nowhere and demanded a rematch of the basketball game they had with Discord. Discord abruptly finished the game by hurling Jonah into the basketball hoop.
"Well, shit." said Tupac "He threw an obese ganguro girl into the hoop. That's like five thousand points."
"We forfeit." said Jaden Smith.
The two rappers were about to leave when Applejack cried out "Jaden, I love your music!"
The two suddenly fell in love and had intercourse. Then Rainbow Dash typed "I need you" into a laptop with her massive buttcheeks in an attempt to cause the sixth impact but the attempt failed because the world had already had the maximum number of impacts.
Suddenly, Jonah jumped out of the basketball court and used Discord's magic to travel back in time so she could fight the biblical character Samson. Jonah threw a punch but Samson blocked and then punched Jonah in the stomach. Her stomach rippled slightly but the impact was cushioned by so many layers of fat that she barely felt anything. Samson's shock left him open to a knee to the groin. To finish him off, Jonah then sat on his face.
"I wonder," thought Jonah, "are the things I've done truly justified? I destroyed the world because I thought it could never regenerate into something good. I flattened Applejack because she would never be obese again and thus she would be constantly in a state of longing. I wanted to protect my friends. They're happy now. Happy and obese."
Jonah then came across Delilah and laughed at her for being so thin.
THE END
