Chapter 1: da hecc jus happen?
Eyyyy, whoever you are. My name is Magic, Bowser's only female friend and friend in general. If you are reading this, why? Anyway, since you ARE reading this random shit, I guess I need to tell you some EXPLAINS.
It was a somewhat rainy day, and me and Bowser were laying in the rain, enjoying it while it lasts, since we don't get rain very often.
"Why does rain smell so good?" Bowser asked me. Or at least I think he asked me...
"Well, I can actually explain that! It smells good because the chemicals in rain disperse when the rain hits the ground." I said quickly.
"Nerd," he started. "Next you're gonna tell me why chocolate milk tastes so good."
"Geez man, just ask instead of commanding me! Chocolate milk tastes good because-"
"NONONONONONOOO I DON'T WANNA KNOW! STOP TALKING!" Bowser ever so RUDELY interrupted me. Then I just stared at him with a face that said "WTF bro?" Then we just burst out laughing because we're that kind of people. Then suddenly we heard a BZZRT-NUUURRRR as a portal similar to one of mine opened up in front of us. huh, that's strange, I'm the only one who knows how to make portals around here...
"Where do you think it leads to?" Bowser's loud voice broke my magical paradox, saving my brain from breaking itself.
"I-I'm not sure. Let's look in it and see if we can peer into the other point of transport." As I leaned in to look down on the portal, all I saw was a bunch of murky clouds. "Well, that idea's been yeeted out the window." I said as I faced Bowser. "You know my rule, 'if you can't see the other side, don't even bother risking your hide.' Although I would like to kn-" a sneeze was building up in my nose, and, being the stupidhead that I am, sneeze-yeeted myself into the portal.
"Magic! I'll save you!" Bowser tried to grab my hands, but, momentum being our downfall, Bowser got pulled into the portal with me, and we fell down.
I had no idea how far up we fell, but all I know is that I felt like my insides and outsides were being twisted into themselves. It did not feel good. When we finally hit the ground, I had fallen on top of Bowser's gut. He seemed... Different...
"Augggh... What da heck just happened...? Why do I feel so weird? What is this place? I have so many questions..." Bowser groaned as I tried to get off him. But my arms and legs wouldn't cooperate. Or should I say... LEGS AND LEGS?!?!
"OHMIGAWD WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS SHIT!?!? WHERE ARE MY ARMS?! AND MY FEET!? AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!" I shrieked as I accidentally kicked Bowser in the face. "AHDUHEGHDJSHDSG" and I scooted away from myself, trying to get the hooves off me. Not long after, Bowser started to panic too.
"WHAT HAPPENED TO MY CLAWS?! WHY AM I A HORSE?!?!" Bowser roared while trying to stand up.
As I calmed down, I started to recognize where we were.
"Bowser, hold on a minute. I think I know where we are! In Equestria!" Then I heard a voice behind me say:
"Uh, yeah. Where else would you be?" It sounded familiar for some reason...
"Fury? Why are you in the... Pony... Oh. WELL, I'M STUPID!! Anyway," I turned toward Bowser to make introductions, "Bowser, this is Fury! He's a Changebat lich. Fury, this is Bowser, the Koopa King."
"He looks more like a dragon-turtle pony than anything else. Does he have any magical powers?"
"Why don't you ask him yourself? I can talk y'know. I'm not stupid. Also, Magic, how do you know this place? And this guy?"
"Well, you know I like to hop through different universes, right? Well, I just happened upon Fury when I came through here one time." Then I noticed that something was... Off, about Fury. He seemed sort of worried. And he wasn't wearing his helmet! And his friends weren't with him! THIS IS NOT NORMAL!
"Fury, where are your friends? Coconut, Nebula, Kana, Thunder, and Jen, where are they? And your helmet, why aren't you wearing it? Why do you look worried?" I bombarded Fury with a dozen questions before Bowser interrupted me.
"I know it's fun to play 50 million questions," Bowser said angrily, "But we gotta get out of here before Mario kills my family and destroys my castle, Magic! He'll for sure take advantage of us being gone!"
"Bowser, how about I send you back, so you can wreck his face, and I help Fury with whatever the heck happened to his life. Sound good to you bro?" I asked, hoping that he would accept.
"Yeah, sounds good. Now open the portal!"
"Sheesh, man calm down!" I channeled my energy into the portal, but the energy shot back at me. "Owch, that hurt." so, again, being the stupidhead I am, I tried harder. quadruple the amount of energy shot back at me, and I went FLYING into a tree. "AH, FUCKING MOTHERFUCKER THAT HURT LIKE A BUTT CHEEK ON A STICK!!" I screamed in pain as Bowser and Fury were sharing some popcorn and laughing at me. "First of all, IT'S NOT FUNNY, I THINK I BROKE MY SPLEEN, and SECOND of all, where the hell did you get that popcorn?"
"Plot convenience." Both Bowser and Fury said in unison. ha, get it? UNI-son? cuz we're in Equestria? I'm just gonna leave... Not really, I need to finish the story! or at least my segment...
"OKAY, SINCE THAT DIDN'T WORK, I'll try something else! Bowser, since APPARENTLY I can't make a portal back, you have to stay with me and Fury."
"WHAT?!? But Mario's gonna destroy everything I love!"
"Bro, you could always rebuild your castle, but you can't rebuild your son. So here's what I'm thinking. Perhaps I could bring B.J. to us, so he'll be safe from Mario's psychopathy and head bonks. Sound good?"
"Yes, please. I don't want Junior to get hurt. I-I would just die."
"HOLD ON A MINUTE NOW," Fury barged in screaming "BOWSER HAS A FECKING SON!?!?!"
"Yeah, bro. Is that surprising...? I don't get why you're so confuzzled about that." I didn't even know why Fury was screaming.
"Does that mean...?" he pointed at me, "that you...?" he pointed at Bowser, "are you...? did...?" I finally caught on onto what Fury was suggesting, and I DIDN'T LIKE IT.
"Oh, GAWD no! Bowser? No! And I'm human, for Pete's sake! How the fuck would that even work?" The look on Bowser's face was halfway offended and halfway relieved. "Let's just get Bowser Jr. in here and get going. Now, be prepared to catch him! he'll fall within a ten-foot radius." As I summoned B.J., I heard him screaming as he fell... directly on Fury's back.
"OOF! Oh, god how much does this child weigh?! I think he smashed my insides..."
"Whoa... what happened? I was painting a picture when Mario barged in, and I fell through a portal and... Wait, WHY DO I HAVE HOOVES!? I WOULD LIKE TO KNOW WHAT'S HAPPENING!" B.J. said whilst blinking and rubbing his head.
"Junior! I'm so glad that you're okay!" Bowser said as he ran towards B.J. to give him a hug.
"Papa! why do you look so weird? Is that supposed to be Magic over there? And what am I sitting on?"
"Yeah, I would prefer if you would get off me please?" Fury squeaked out from underneath B.J. "I have something I need to say."
"Um, sure, okay." And B.J sort of... fell over trying to walk on two legs. "Ow."
"Thank you, Tiny Bowser. Speaking of sons being okay, Thunder is hurt! I don't know where he is, but all I know is that he's hurt. He's just a little dude, he can't survive if we don't get to him fast. I'm afraid he'll die!"
"Wow! how hurt is he? If I know what injury he has, perhaps I could pinpoint where he is based of of the pain waves he's giving off."
"Magic, you could do that? That's so cool! Anyway, I believe that he has an infected shoulder, as well as some broken ribs."
"Geez, that's pain! let me try..." my itty-bitty little horn started to glow, and I could feel the pain waves emanating off of Thunder's tiny body. "This way! He's this way!" And my horn pointed me towards a mountain.
"Let's ghooooooooo! We don't have much time!" Fury yelled like a warrior.
"And so the adventure begins! Let's go dad!" B.J. said courageously as he hopped on his dad's back.
"Lead the way, Magic!" Bowser said.
Chapter 2: Lightning and Thunder
Um... Hi? It's Bowser. And, if you had read Magic's chapter, you would know that we headed off to a mountain to find the faceless bat named Fury's son, Thunder. Apparently he's hurt? My question is WHY THE FUCK WOULD FURY LET THUNDER OUT ALONE INTO A FUCKING MOUNTAIN!? WHAT THE FUCK, FURY!? I started to hear and feel Junior laughing really hard, Magic staring at me strangely, and Fury was rolling on the ground, he was screaming with laughter.
"Bowser," Magic started as she clicked her tongue on her teeth. "You do realize that you just screamed curse words at Fury in the third person... What the absolute fuck?" Apparently I had actually screamed that part that was in all caps... And at that point, I just wanted to yeet myself out a window.
"Just so you know, Bowser, I didn't leave Thunder in the mountains. He was kidnapped by Chrysalis and left to die, so, not my fault." Fury had finished his little chuckle party on the floor, and was trying to explain what happened. The thing is, I have no idea who the heck Chrysalis is, but it sounds like a bug.
"Fury, that was not helpful. I don't know who Chrysalis is, and I want to know why- Um..." I struggled to find the right word, "They would kidnap someone so insignificantly small."
"Hey, Thunder may be small, but he's really powerful. He a friggin alichangebaticorn! Which is an alicorn mixed with a changebat. Yep, his mum's an alicorn. I know how to get girls, bro." Fury yelled at me. But in the background, Magic was fighting with her horn, trying not to get pulled away, the signal was so strong.
"Hey, I know that y'all are talking about Jen," Magic yelled at us while being dragged, "But meanwhile, Thunder is ridiculously close. So follow me please before I go yeeting into another tree." Fury ran off after her.
"Dad?" Junior was going to ask me something, "What if we never get back home? Will I ever see Ludwig and the others again? And what if we can't get back home, what'll we do?"
I just smiled at my son and said; "Junior, home is where the heart is. As long as you're with me, I'm already home. And I'm sure that if we can't get home, Magic would bring the Koopalings to us. Does that make you happier?"
"Thanks, Papa. You're the best!" And he hugged my back as I walked over to where Fury and Magic were standing.
"Magic, I was wondering, if we can't get back home," I started, "Will you bring the Koopalings to us? And who's Jen?"
"If you really must know, Powser," (Magic calls me Powser sometimes due to my invention of the POW block.) "If we don't get back, at leaste we'll be safe from Mario. And Jen is Fury's wife and Thunder's mum, who has also been kidnapped by Chrysalis, and put into a cocoon, as well as Coconut Cream, Orkana, and maybe Nebula, Fury's friends. The only one that hasn't been captured by Chrysalis is Thunder, and even then he's really hurt. And speaking of Thunder, he's this waaaaay!" Magic screamed while being pulled away by her horn.
"SHIT, MAGIC HAS BEEN YEET! WE HAS TO FIND HER!" I was confused by Fury's broken English, but got the gist as we ran towards her general direction, calling out for her.
"Magic? Maaaaagic! Where are you?"
"Marco! Marco!" Fury screamed.
"Oh, like that's gonna work!" Was he seriously trying to play Marco Polo in this moment?
"Polo! I'm over heeeere!" A voice in the distance shouted
"Welp, it worked so SHUT UP POKEY!" Did Fury just call me Pokey!?
"Move over Faceless, I'm gonna try!" I shoved Fury over. "Reeeed Robin!" Both me and Junior roared.
"Yum! Great, now I'm hungry, THANKS A LOT! I NEED SOME MAC N CHEESE RIGHT NOW!"
"Magic! Is Thunder with you!?" Fury shoved me over, making Junior fall off my back.
"Um... More or less... Do you mean physically or mentally? Physically yes, but mentally, no."
"WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU MEAN!? IS HE CONCUSSED!? TELL ME WHAT YOU MEEEEAN!" Fury screamed in the most unholy shriek I've ever heard in my life. Then I got an idea.
"Yeah, Magic could you explain, please? If you keep talking it'll help us find you." Then Fury looked up and facepalmed. Probably at the fact that he didn't figure that out earlier. Suck it Fury.
"Well, I believe he's unconscious. He's breathing, but it looks pained. The infection on his shoulder is pretty damn bad, I hope we don't have to cut it off. That would be absolutely abysmal." Magic started to rattle off on what Thunder looks like, how she could heal the injuries, and then a random rant on why eons are the best unit of time. Then we finally found her when she was trapped in a paradox. (Praise Shaggy because my brain was starting to hurt.) "But if nothing is nothing, then something has to be nothing, so nothing is nothing, but-" But then Fury saved us from the paradox.
"OH MY GHAD BE QUIET PLEASE BEFORE MY BRAIN EXPLODES! PARADOXES HURT! CAN WE JUST GET THUNDER AND GET OUT OF HERE, PLEASE!" Fury shrieked again in that unholy voice.
"No, don't move Thunder! At least not until he wakes up. We don't know which ribs are broken!" Magic shouted when Fury was in the midst of picking Thunder up. "We should stay here until he wakes. Then I can heal him, then we can get moving." She turned to me and Junior, "Bowser, B.J., can you start a fire? It's getting dark out. Fury, stay with Thunder and call me if he wakes up." Then we disbanded as Junior and I headed into the forest to get wood.
"Papa? Did you notice anything strange about Fury and Thunder?"
"Well, aside from the fact that Fury has no face, his eyes are blue fire, and Thunder looks like a white tiger in a pirate bandana, no. Anyway, just look for some sticks, twigs, and some dead leaves. I want some campfire Hot Pockets!" Junior started laughing at what I said, and grabbed a bunch of twigs, as well as some leaves. I found a buttload of sticks and we headed back towards Fury and Magic.
"How do y'all feel about having some campfire Hot Pockets with marshmallows for dessert?" Magic asked when we got back.
"That's what I was thinking!" I swear, sometimes she can read my mind.
"Sounds good to me! Thunder loves Hot Pockets, and I know this isn't logical, but maybe he'll wake up at the smell of them." So we sat down and are gonna have some campfire Hot Pockets.
Author's Note
Eyyyyyyy y'all! For those of you who enjoyed the first chapter, thank you! It means a lot to me.
