Rarity is Drunk. Again.

by Equimorto

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, Random, Narcotics, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Rarity, Sex
Length: 1618

Having received a message from the unicorn asking to see her, Twilight goes to Rarity's house to see why. It turns out the mare has been drinking too much again. Twilight is rather unamused by the event, and by its consequences.

When called to the unicorn's house, finding Rarity drunk and blasting power metal on the speakers was not what Twilight had hoped to find. Unfortunately for her, things would only get worse from there on. Though Rainbow's opinions on the events of the night would turn out slightly different from the alicorn's.

Published 2019-07-27 16:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-07-27 16:00:01 UTC

We should maybe do something about her

"Did you want to see me?" Twilight asked as she pushed open the slightly ajar door to the unicorn's kitchen. She stopped.

The first thing that stood out was the smell of alcohol permeating the room. The second was the aggressive guitar opening beginning to loudly play in the background. The third was the pile of bottles, some broken, left in the middle of the room, right in front of her. The last was the mare sitting past those bottles, slouched over the table, her mane splayed out below her head.

Twilight rolled and closed her eyes, taking a deep calming breath and resisting the urge to leave the building.

Rarity lifted her head, her eyes hazy and half-lidded, and she turned around to look at the alicorn. "Oh hi Twilight."

"Hello, Ra-"

She was stopped by the unicorn holding up a hoof. "Shh!" the white mare slurred out, "I like this song. It's about me." She held her hear out, and Twilight did the same, catching the singer's 'I am God, the only one,' as it was blasted by the speakers. Curse the time Shining had left one of his CDs in her castle.

Twilight put a hoof to her forehead and sighed. "Listen, Rarity, I'm starting to think you might have a problem. Now, why don't you go to bed, and we'll talk about it when you're rested?" And sober, she added to herself.

Rarity got up and began to walk towards her. Or, she tried to, at least. The result was more similar to a rock tumbling down a mountain, if Twilight had to be honest. She pointed a hoof forward. "I ain't got no pro-" She dropped on her hind legs, kneeling, leaned back and looked up, her front legs limp to her sides. "I AM YOUR LIGHT ON THROUGH THE NIGHT!" she yelled in sync with the music.

Twilight groaned. "Now, now. Get here, and I'll help you into bed," she said, walking towards Rarity with an outstretched leg ready to support her.

Rarity looked at her like she was seeing her for the first time. "Are those wings?" she asked, pointing to Twilight's back.

Twilight stopped. "Uh... Yes, those are wings, Rarity."

"Rarity?" Rarity looked around the room. "Who's Rarity?"

"I can't believe you're that dru-"

Rarity interrupted her with a giggle. "Oh silly, I was just pulling a prank on you." She got back to her hooves. "So how's your mother doing, Trixie?"

Twilight rolled her eyes once again. "My mother is doing perfectly fine, thank you," she said, forcefully grabbing Rarity and pulling her up over her own shoulder. "And so is Trixie's, I believe."

The unicorn aimlessly flailed her limbs around, and gave an indistinct mutter of disapproval. "Where are we going?" she asked, annoyance in her voice.

"I'm taking you-" Twilight huffed, passing through the threshold of the kitchen and initiating her ascent of the stairs "-to bed, where you can-" Another huff "-have a nice, relaxing night of sleep, and then we can all-" A grunt "-talk about this in the morning, okay?" She stopped at the top of the staircase, loudly panting.

Rarity spluttered from behind her, "Sure."

Twilight gave a sigh of relief as she felt the unicorn's weight disappearing from her shoulders. She then gasped in terror, upon realising Rarity's weight had disappeared from her shoulders. She turned around to frantically search for her, but found nothing. Above her, a peculiarly equine-sounding howl resonated through the night, and she teleported to the roof with a grunt to find Rarity sitting there, staring at the Moon.

"Have you seen Spitfire recently?" the unicorn asked.

"Uh... No? I don't think so," replied Twilight, looking around the roof to find a suitable path towards the other. "Why do you ask?"

"I want to bash her head to pieces with a crowbar."

Twilight stared up at Rarity with a jerk. "You what? What has she done to you?"

Rarity looked back at her. "Oh, her? She's done nothing, actually. There's just this one pony that I really hate and he kind of looks like her. God I fucking hate him. I really fucking hate that piece of shit."

Twilight gulped. "Well, okay, maybe we'll need to talk about this too once-"

"Hey, is that Rainbow Dash?" Rarity pointed a hoof to a figure moving through the night sky. "It looks like her. Should we call her?"

Twilight hesitated. "I don't know if-"

"Hey Dash, you empty-headed cunt!" Rarity yelled, waving her front legs around. "Down here, you fucking idiot!"

Twilight lurched forward. "Rarity, don't-"

Too late. The blue dot stopped and turned towards them, then streaked towards the rooftop in a prismatic blur. "Hey, what did you just say about-"

Rainbow never finished that sentence. As soon as she was close enough to the roof, Rarity pounced towards her, grappling her in the air and sealing her mouth with a kiss. The two fell to the ground below, and it was only thanks to Twilight's reflexes that they landed safely and slowly.

The princess teleported to the ground beside them, finding the two still entangled around each other, Rainbow trying to wriggle away while Rarity held her captive.

"Think you can give her a cock, Twi?" the unicorn yelled. "Ah, fuck it, this'll have to do."

"What the fuck is she doing?" Rainbow helplessly yelped as Rarity began to turn around on top of her, bringing the pegasus' head between her legs and moving her messy purple tail out of the way.

Twilight's groan sounded like a considerable chunk of a mountain breaking off. "She's drunk, just ignore her," she flatly explained to Rainbow. "Rarity!" she yelled to the unicorn, "Stop right now and get back to your house!"

Rarity stopped and heavily pouted. She sat down on Rainbow's face, the pegasus below her spasming as her ability to breathe was taken from her, and looked at Twilight, crossing her hooves.

Twilight sat down in front of her.

The two stared in each other's eyes for a few seconds, the occasional thump from Rainbow's hooves as she bashed the ground in a futile attempt to get free the only sound heard.

"Do you not pity me, Twilight?" Rarity suddenly asked.

"For what?"

The unicorn threw her head back, bringing a hoof to her forehead. "Oh, Twilight! I am forced here, forced to live inside this filth while these worms crawl around me!"

"Worms?"

"Worms," Rarity replied, more serious for a moment. "Worms. Worms. WORMS." She flailed her hooves around maniacally. "They crawl on the streets, and flood the cities! A sea of maggots, writhing and twisting! And those who rise above are but fatter worms, put there by the other worms, worshipped by worms! Obese worms up on their towers of filth staring down at the sea of worms below them, and they smile, and they don't know they are worms!"

Rainbow Dash feebly twitched, as her consciousness slowly faded due to a lack of oxygen.

Twilight sat there, speechlessly staring. She closed her yes, inhaled deeply, and opened them once again. "Rarity?"

"Yes, Darling?" the unicorn asked, combing her mane.

"You're drunk."

"Next morning I'll be sober, and they'll still be worms!" the white mare snapped back, throwing away the small mirror she was admiring herself in.

Twilight's eye-roll produced a sound of its own, like overworked grinding wheels straining under pressure. With a flat expression, she lit her horn, and grabbed hold of Rarity's body, lifting the unicorn from the ground.

"Release me!" she yelled. "Release me, you vile traitor! This is mutiny, this is treason against the Heavens! Release me, I tell you!"

Rainbow Dash jerked up with a loud inhale, her mane messy and dusty. She shakily got to her hooves, turning towards the alicorn. "So, huh, what now?"

Rarity pouted from her upside-down position in mid-air.

Twilight ignored her. "Now I'll bring her home, and then put her in bed, and tomorrow morning we'll have a talk about her non-problem." She stared up and down Rainbow's body, then asked, "Are you alright?"

"Uh, oh, yeah, sure," the pegasus replied, bringing a hoof to rub the back of her neck. "Don't you, ah... Don't you try something like that again, okay?" she said towards Rarity, weakly brining up her foreleg to point at her while a light blush spread across her face.

Somehow, Twilight's expression flattened even further. She smacked a hoof against her face, and brought it dragging down with a motion that should have peeled her skin off if judging by the sound it made. "You enjoyed that," she simply stated, as emotional as an equation.

"W-What?" Rainbow drew back. "I- N-no! I-I'm not a-a s-sub or... any... No!"

"I have bondage gear at home, darling!" Rarity chirped in.

Rainbow drew back further, scrunching up her face as more blood rushed to it.

Unamused, Twilight turned around and began to head back to the inside of Rarity's house, carrying the unicorn in her magic by her side.

Rarity waved goodbye to Rainbow, a sultry smile on her lips, then turned back to Twilight. "So how about we set Spike on fire? Or-Wait, was it Fluttershy? I can't quite remember. Anyway, we should totally, like, murder those guys, I'm so tired of having to look at them."

"Shut up."

Rarity rolled around in the air, mumbling something to herself. "HIT ME, NAIL ME, MAKE ME GOD!" she suddenly yelled as loud as she could, as she heard the song reach the end of its last verse from inside her kitchen.

Twilight sealed the unicorn's lips with her magic, a rather angry frown on her face.