Different world different problems

by WUBZ-_-Vinyl

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Suicide / Self Harm, Queen Chrysalis, Profanity, Adventure, Discord, Violence, Princess Celestia, Crossover, Death, Main 6, Devil May Cry, Gore, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Dark, Princess Luna
Length: 5352

Well, nice to see you here! Glad to see you drop by, it sure is nice to have company. After my arrival things sorta got a little crazy. Stop by, eat your popcorn and drink that soda! Because this party is getting crazy! Lets rock!

Been a while since i've spoken to someone who wasn't a douchebag. Well then, how do I begin? Tons of adventure... learning what my purpose here is.... things like that.

But you're not here for that, you're here to see me kick discord's ass aintcha? Well... you might be in for a treat. Stick around and you might just hear me say "Jackpot"

Dante~2019

Published 2019-04-25 14:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-10-03 10:02:07 UTC

Chapter 1- Prologue (Unedited)

Author's Note

Hey guys, this is currently unedited and sorry for the ending of this chapter, (If it is abrupt) I hope you guys don't think so. If there's anything that I can improve upon please give me any criticism so that I may improve in the future :) Thank you and have a good day.

Chapter 1- Prologue (Unedited)

Well this sucks, whoever said that being imprisoned in stone for a couple hundred years deserves a punch in the mouth. No action, no women, no demons to kill, bored to death and worst of all, no pizza! I would have prefered hell and fight Vergil with no hands then go without that guilty pleasure of mine.

Sadly, you don't always get what you want in life. A price I have to pay upon coming here.

Oh yes, I didn't just come here. I was forced here. It wasn't until that white coated horse with a sun tattooed to her ass decided that I was too "Dangerous" in the hand- sorry "Hooves" of ponykind.

For these last two-hundred years, I've been sitting here in this admittedly nice looking garden full of flowers and shit with a HUGE creak in my neck and my devil arms taken. Not only that, but I have this Discord talking to me in my head. Yeah, my life sucks that bad.

"Oh, don't be like that Dante old pal! Are you still upset that I beat you in poker two years ago? I did win fair i'll have you know!"

I roll my eyes in my mind.

"No, I'm not upset about that. Okay maybe a little but that's not the real reason I'm pissed off here." I exclaim within my thoughts.

Discord tuts in a mocking way that echos throughout my mind.

"Language Dante! Do you kiss your mother with that mouth?"

Staying silent is the best way to go, throughout these past two-hundred years I've been patient and have lost it a few times because quite frankly. Discord is MUCH worse than Jester/Arkham ever was. And, that's saying a lot. So having patience around Discord is almost an impossible task, such as keeping quiet is. Unfortunately, he isn't having any of that.

"Resorting to the silent treatment now are we Dante?" His laughter booms throughout my skull at such an intensity that if you were standing right next to me, you would think my head is vibrating.

Resisting the urge to shout I talk as calmly as I can.

"Do you have a plan on getting us out of here yet or not?"

"Straight to the point hmm? I wouldn't normally do this but you are SUCH a riot to be around my friend! For that I will tell you, listen carefully."

I hold my metaphorical breath as I listen in.

His voice whispers so softly and gently that It takes almost all my strength to listen to him.

"Here's the plan Dante, we simply have to... wait another eight-hundred years!" At that point, almost all my patience for the last two-hundred years around him went out the window.

Feeling my blood turn into an inferno of rage and turning into magma I feel myself about to let it out but I can sense a presence close to me, and it's not Discord.

Staying silent and listening in to the sounds of voices surround itself around me I can barely make out what they are saying.

"And this statue that you see here class was a human, yes a human! But a nasty and evil one, as you can see here the writing on the statue describes him as 'the legendary demon killer Dante'."

A bunch of ooh's and gasps sound throughout the area in front of me, causing me to figuratively smirk.

The voice then continued.

"It's okay class! He has been imprisoned here for two hundred years and he will never be released to terrorize any of us ponies anymore! Now, any questions class before we move on?"

There's silence for a few moments before a young voice with a country flair speaks up.

"Um, excuse me miss Cheerilee but, this here feller Dante. What exactly did he do to get imprisoned here?"

Oh this is going to be good.

There's more silence before this, 'Cheerilee' speaks up again, only this time she seems shaken by her question.

"W-well Applebloom, he uh..." I can feel the tension rise before another voice perks up, a small and boyish voice.

"Why does he look angry?" Suddenly I feel as if I have a thousand eyes on me.

Discord finds it to be the perfect time to pester me like always.

"Well Dante old pal, you seem to have some fans."

Despite being a bit annoyed at him I can't help but feel good about it.

"Maybe, but then again, at least it's more than you."

I can FEEL the frown on his face! Priceless!

Now with that out of the way, Cheerilee seems to answer this question like she didn't hear the one about me before.

"Well Rumble, you see, the story goes that mister Dante here actually isn't from equestria. And when he came here, he and the ponies didn't get along very well. Threats were made on both sides and he.... killed one." A chorus of gasps and screams were heard, also I was sure I also heard a thump as well.

"Is that what white horse said? That's not even close to how it went." I shake my head.

There were voice's everywhere screaming absurdities like.

"B-but that's horrible!"

"Thank goodness he was imprisoned!"

"He shouldn't be anywhere near anypony ever again!"

"Does he like parties?!"

Not....what I was expecting to hear from that last one.

"Now class settle down." Ms. Cheerilee urges.
The shouts and screams don't stop.

After countless attempts to get the children to behave Ms. Cheerilee suddenly stomps her hoof on the cobblestone with a resounding THUMP and uses her own version of the royal canterlot voice. Or how I would like to call, 'The best way to make someone deaf' voice.

"I SAID QUIET!!!!" The fillies and colts go so quiet after that, that you could hear a pin drop in the distance.

"Well then, seems like she's got a set of lungs on her alright." Discord laughs in my head loudly.
"The chaos! So sweet and beautiful!." He appears in my head and slumps down onto my old beat up couch that belongs in my shop. "It truly is too bad that I can't really taste it while being imprisoned here."

I just shrug at him and cross my arms while sitting on my desk focusing on my imaginary sword leaning against the door to the bathroom.

"You really should liven this place up a bit Dante old pal, I mean seriously, how can you live like this?!." Discord proceeds to teleport all over the place, even on the ceiling. Upside down and all.

I shrug once again and him and say.

"Well, I'm not going to do that because it's my shop. And I didn't ask you to be in here, so get lost." He overdramatically falls onto the couch with a resounding thud when he lands on it, with his lion paw over his heart and eagle talon over his forehead in a 'I'm about to pass out manner'.

"Oh, you wound me so my friend. Can't I just stay for a little tea?".

All he gets is a deathglare in response, to which he sighs and snaps his fingers. Disappearing in a bright flash of light but not before saying.

"Oh, you're no fun Dante, lighten up will you?"

With a sigh, I walk towards the couch and plop down on it. Going so long without actually feeling anything makes it all the more special to get out of here.
I run my hand along the cheap leather not truly feeling it. Just from what I can remember, which isn't much.
Oh well, I can wait as long as I get silence like this more often.

I put both my hands around the back of my head and cross my left leg over my right while leaning my head back and relaxing.

Now this... is more like it.

I was interrupted from my relaxing by a faint voice, a voice that is.... VERY familiar.
I sift through my memories and can only find one voice that fits.
It's HER!!!

The anger starts flowing and I'm having a hard time holding back, suddenly realizing the situation I'm in, I can't really do anything but listen.

"Dante." I hear her, she's right in front of me.

For a quick second I could swear I could see a yellow light flash into the stone imprisonment. What she says next proves true.

"Hmm. I see that you are really eager to come out. Is it for freedom, or revenge I wonder?"
Oh you have no idea.

Another flash appears.

"Not that I can blame you that is, but there is a matter of great importance that we need to discuss Dante." What is she on about?

My rage slowly subsides... for now.

This is interesting, what does she have to say?

After a few seconds all is quiet until she says in a calming and almost relieved voice.

"Good, I'm glad to see that you're at least willing to co-operate. Now before I do this, just know, if you cause any harm, and I mean ANY harm to my little ponies. I swear that you will never see the light of day again." I smirk.

Well, she's finally grown a backbone underneath all that fluff. Good for her.

The golden glow wraps itself all around my field of vision and all over my body. I can hear the sound of cracks forming and with that, Air! I can feel the air! But before I jinx myself I decide to stand perfectly still, even with freedom at my fingertips.

More resounding cracks appear and so does the air over my exposed skin. I almost can't wait anymore until.

CRACK-CREAK-CRUNCH.

I start feeling the weight of gravity on my shoulders. A strange feeling after so long...
Then my legs give out a little causing me to kneel down and put my hands on the resting place I was standing on for the last two-hundred years.

My first breath of fresh air, it was so sweet. Like candy from a candy store.

Breathing copious amounts of fresh air I begin to slowly stand up, causing relieving crackles and pops all over my stiffened body from staying in one place for too long.

I groan in pleasure as I begin rolling my arms around, resulting in more pops. I do the same for my legs.

After all that is done and over with, feeling great aside I step down from the pedestal and look right into her bright magenta eyes. That's looking a bit nervous.

I smirk.

I like that, be very afraid.

She has an ivory white coat with a prismatic wavy flowing hair. Tiara adjourned on top her head with a amethyst jewel stuck in the middle.

"Well, well. If it isn't Celestia herself!" I stretch my arms out like i'm going to give her a hug. Only for her to frown at me.

"If it wasn't for dire emergency, you wouldn't even be talking right now." I roll my eyes at her and cross my arms.

"Well, 'princess' I'm here and i'm talking right now, what is it you want? And why have you released me after what? Two-hundred years? You are one cruel mistress. Even crueler than demons." She takes a step towards me as calmly and as regal as possible.

"You know exactly why I put you here Dante." She looks at me sternly.

"Why? because I told you that I was Half-demon half-human? Just because the demons I fight are complete brainless little shits, doesn't make me brainless or completely evil! I have control! they don't, simple as that." I stare right back into her eyes with a fierce look.

"That remains to be seen." I don't stop my fierce look.

"If that was true then why didn't I kill you all those years ago huh?" I point at her.

"If it wasn't for your kind heart for the 'ponies' you love and care about, I would have killed you right now for wrongfully imprisoning me."

She just stands there staring at me with a blank stare refusing to say anything, until she looks back into the sky and starts lowering the sun does she talk.

"Come, we have much to discuss Dante, and like I said before. Try anything and I will cast you back to stone immediately. Do you understand?" Once the moon peeks up from the horizon does she turn back to look at me.

I look down at the ground in thought before I glance back up and her still with my arms cross.

"Whatever." I mutter and before I can finish I feel the wind caress my lungs soothingly and lets me taste it's wonderful breeze.

I sigh lightly before fully looking her in the eyes.

"Well, lead the way then Celestia." I smirk a little.

Chapter 2- Reunited with an old friend (Unedited)

Chapter 2- Reunited with an old friend (Unedited)

"Well, lead the way then Celestia." I smirk a little.

She nods and then turns towards a doorway into the castle and starts walking with me following closely but not too close.
Along the way, I take note of all the architecture and intricate designs that are splattered all throughout the walls and pillars that accompany them.

I give a low whistle as I look around, not noticing that her ear flicks a bit at the sound.

"A lot has changed since i've been away. Wonder what else has changed Celly." I smirk.

We round a corner and with it came her response that sounded borderline forced.

"Well, if you must know Dante, since your imprisonment. My sister has been released from Nightmare Moon's control and she now stands by my side as how it should be. We rule side by side once more." Now that catches my attention.

"Well now, I never knew you had a sister Celly. She hot just like you?" I smirk only for her to stop and turn back to be with a fiery look in her eyes and her face with a light blush that I almost couldn't see it, almost.

"D-don't you even think about it Dante!" She then pokes her hoof rather roughly against my chest and it hurts a little but I'll never say that to her.

I smirk.
"What? Doesn't she control some sort of heat element too? Just like you? Also, you stuttered." God im such a smartass, I love it.

She facehooves with a lightly heavier blush on her face.
"That is besides the point Dante, also" She gets close to my face with a fierce look that I haven't seen from her before and she adds. "If you know what's good for the sake of your stallionhood, you will stay at a reasonable distance from her at all times." Her horn glows threateningly, unfortunately it doesn't faze me.

I decide to test fate a little, bad idea.
"Or else what?" Just then everything went white and I feel myself slam into the wall, HARD. Harder then what I was expecting, and is that blood?
I cough and yet there's a little bit of blood that comes out.

Damn, that hurt too.

I look up at her with a sort of shocked look.

"Surprised? I've had many years to reinforce these walls with a special magic so if you were to escape and come for me, my sister, or my little ponies. you would be in for a treat."

At that I sigh and get up and walk to her with my hands up like I surrender.
"Alright, alright, I get it. I'll behave for your sake. Happy?" I put my hands down and she seems pleased with herself.

After that little outburst, we head around another corner only to see a large set of gold doors with emblems of Celestia's cutie mark on each side.

She turns her head towards me again with a menacing stare that screams "Better not think about it." before we are at arms reach from the doors.

I just shrug at her and look at her with a "I don't know what you're talking about" face.

When we reach the massive doors, I can hear a bunch of muffled quiet voices on the other side and I can't make them out. Not like I can truly try anyway, because Celly opens the freaking door before I'm ready to meet whoever else is on the other side of the door. Or multiple others.

Both of the doors creak as she opens them with her magic and steps in with me in tow.
The chatter quickly dies down as I see multiple ponies at the table, 7 to be exact. All different colors and different tribes.
As I study each of them I hear the dark blue one clear her throat before talking to Celly right next to me.

"Sister, Is that the creature thou hast explained in, shall we say 'colorful' words earlier when thou accompanied us to thy champers earlier for some exquisite tea?" I study her more intensely than the others and I can't tell whether she likes me or is disgusted by me.

With that Celestia responds with, "Indeed dear sister." She goes to the table at the end and sits down on the biggest chair there.

Figures
I smirk.

"Come, sir Dante. Sit with us." Celestia beckons me over to which I just simply lean/sit with one leg curled inwards on the table opposite of all of them with my arms crossed and stare at her with an amused smirk on my face.

The blue one clears her throat again and my attention turns to her.

"Thou art in thy presence of royalty sir Dante, we ask that thou treats us with respect." I just shrug.

She frowns and the other ponies around her and Celly start whispering while taking a glace at me every so often.
Even with my special hearing, I can't hear what any of them are saying, which is bad for me but honestly? I couldn't care less, as long as I got my things and get the hell out of here that's all I care about.

It wasn't until Celestia clears her throat, that the other ponies hush up.
"Well, It's safe to assume that you all are wondering why we are here on this lovely night, besides Luna of course."

"Ahh Luna? That's her name?"
I glance over at Luna who is staring at me intensely with a mean glare in her eye.
I just give my cocky smile, which results in another more fierce glare and maybe a bit of shock too?

It wasn't until what Sunbutt said earlier that I was brought back into conversation.

"Before we get started, we should introduce ourselves. Twilight?" She looks at the purple horse that's this supposed 'Twilight' and she nods at Celly, then looks at me with a hesitant glance.

She clears her throat and stutters a little bit which causes me to smirk.

"H-hello sir Dante, my name is Twilight Sparkle, student of princess Celestia. And these are my friends." She looks at the pony at her left side and introduces her. "This is my friend Applejack." The pony in mention just stares at me intensely like she's trying to find any flaws in my design.
I just smirk and cross my arms amused.

"And next to Applejack is Rainbow Dash." I look at the cyan rainbow-haired pegasus and raise my eyebrow at her.
She does the same, with an unimpressed and cocky look.

"So, this is the real life equivalent of skittles? ." I hold back a chuckle, luckily no-one noticed.

"That shy pegasus mare next to Rainbow, her name is Fluttershy." I look at the shivering, trembling, mess of a mare that's hiding her face behind her mane. Normally I would feel good about it but in this particular case, I can't help but feel for the poor mare.

I decide to break the silence, and speak for the first time since entering the large room.

"Hey." I speak softly and slowly approach Fluttershy, I slowly get down on one knee a few feet from her and try to be as gentle as I can.

"It's okay, I won't hurt you. There's no need to be afraid." I very gently place my hand behind her ear and scratch it only to be surprised by a sudden squeak that escapes her lips.

"Heart. Officially. Melted."

For the first time I see her look up at me with her green eyes and while she still seems nervous, she's also more comfortable.

"U-um, mister Dante sir, it's nice to meet you." Her quiet voice speaks so softly and nothing above a whisper that only trained ears could hear. Luckily for me, I do.

I just smile.

"You too Fluttershy, you too." I stand back up and look at everyone else to see shocked faces.

I just cross my arms.

"What?"

I walk back to my spot on the table and Twilight clears her throat again and points to the opposite side of the table, at an alabaster white unicorn with a stylish mane.

"I like her already."

"That unicorn over there is Rarity, ponyville's fashionista with a boutique of her own." Rarity simply looks at me and looks away.

"Charmed." She says with the accent of a spoiled girl.

"Annnnd nevermind."

Twilight points to the pink mare with the crazy mane and looks like she had too much cocaine. And before she could finish.

"This is Pinkie Pi-" Said mare bounces up from her chair and rams right into me, causing us both to tumble to the floor.
No amount of training could have prepared me for that or the onslaught that came out of her mouth.

"HimynamespinkiepiewhatsyoursohthatssillybecauseIalreadyknowwhatitisyouknowwhatitstimefora-" I reach up and clasp my hand around her mouth so I don't hear her continue her onslaught of jumbled up words. She still tries to talk but it's all muffled.

I lean in and she suddenly goes quiet, looking at me with wide blue eyes.

"Pinkie pie is it?" She nods. "Pinkie, I absolutely love parties and would really like one sometime soon but please for all that is holy. Please keep your mouth shut about it for now okay?" I see her hair deflate abit and I feel like a dick.

I pull my hand away from her mouth and look at her.

"Tell you what, after all this. You can pull me a party kay?" She suddenly brightens up like nothing happened and squeezes me hard.

"OKAY!" She runs back to her chair with a bright smile on her face and acts like nothing happened.

I pick myself back up and lean against the table with my arms, looking directly at Celestia I say.

"Well then, since introductions are done, why don't we get this done shall we? I am rather bored to death and just want to kick some ass already." All the mares visibly cringe at my language except Luna and Celestia. Luna just looks shocked while Celestia couldn't care less.

"Eh, she's used to it by now."

Luna shakes herself from her shock and clears her throat before turning to Celestia.
"Right, sister. Thou hast told thee about affairs that hath been occuring with the accursed changelings and such?"

Celestia nods her head.
"Indeed dear sister, also there are enemies that have risen as well. I'm quite sure Dante is familar with them, as he has fought them almost his whole life if I am not mistaken?" She turns to me only to find that I'm smiling like a kid on christmas.

"Demons huh?" All the other ponies gasp, even Luna.

The whole room fell silent, it wasn't until a few moments have passed that Twilight decided to be the one to speak first.

"D-demons?! B-but princess! They were a myth in the history books!" Twilight exclaimed with shock and disbelief upon her face.

To which Celestia sighs.

"Yes Twilight, they are true, as sir Dante here is living proof." All 8 pairs of eyes are on me and I can only stand there and chuckle.

"Well now, demon's and these so called 'changelings' huh? So that's what you needed me for Celly isn't it?" All the others faces are just in shock while Celestia is looking at me with a hard look in her eyes and the pink pony is just smiling like crazy.

"Yes." Celestia's voice rings out before she adds. "Are you willing to accept this task Dante? Or do you want to go back to being stone for another thousand years?" The whole room goes so silent that you can hear a pin drip.

Hmm, now that's something to think about.

That is until Luna breaks the silence.

"Sister, we do not mean to alarm thou but," She looks at me in a condescending sort of way. "We do not think that sir Dante is capable of performing such a task, let alone be victorious." My smirk fades and so does my nice look.

"She did NOT just say that."
"Oh, she did." I tell myself.

I'm not going to let her get a one-up on me so let's see how she handles this.

"Luna, right?" She looks into my eyes with a hint of anger, her tone makes it more noted.

"It's 'princess' Luna to thou knave, best do well to remember that." I just start laughing.

The ponies are horrified by the events, except skittles. She seems like she wants something to say.
I look over at her.

"Something you want to say skittles?" That did it, and so she flies up to my face and pokes her hoof in my chest menacingly. Or trying to be.

"Yeah there is something I want to say! Stop being a jerk to the princess and treat her respect or else I will kick your sorry flank all the way to the moon in ten seconds flat! And the name is Rainbow Dash, do you hear me!?" Her voice is like nails to a chalkboard but I hold my tongue about that, not about another matter of her hygienic issues.

I wave my hand in front of my face like something smells bad.

"You smell that?" She just looks confused for a moment before I put the nail in her coffin.
"Get a breath mint skittles, your breath smells like ass."

The reactions all around were different.

Celestia was keeping a straight face but the look in her eyes told me that she was 'mildly amused', Luna had a hoof over her mouth, blushing like crazy and I heard her mutter "Such uncouth language, we are not used to such words."

Rarity looked absolutely disgusted, Fluttershy looked like she was going to faint, Pinkie Pie was laughing up a storm, Applejack was chuckling a little here and there despite still giving me that glare of distrust, Twilight's face went pale and finally Rainbow Dash's face was RED. Like, red as my coat red.

But before she could TRY and hurt me Celestia cleared her throat and used her magic to put skittles back to her seat.

I cross my arms and look at them all with a wide smirk.

"Now then, since that is out of the way, I ask you again Dante, will you help us or not?"

I put a index finger and my thumb around my chin in mock thought, rubbing my stubble.

"Hmm, well that sounds awful that this is all happening but. What happens when all this is over?" I look into her magenta eyes and stare.

"We... we will talk about that when the time comes." Heh, figures.

"Alright well... I do have a request." Her eyes darken a little bit before she decides to finish speaking for me.

"You wish to have your weapons back yes?" I smirk.

"That's the one." We sit there in silence, waiting in anticipation for Celestia to say something. Noticing all eyes on her she speaks again.

"I might consider it." Suddenly I hear someone spit out their drink in a comical fashion before they shout out.
"WHAT?!!" I look over to see that it's skittles. Shocker.

"Princess you can't do that! He might try to kill us all or something!" I snort at that.

Before skittles can carry on, Celestia has a fierce look in her eyes that would cause a grown stallion to shut up and sit down.

Rainbow sits back down like she has her tail between her legs and stays silent.

My stare goes back to Celestia who has her eyes shut and seems to be in deep thought.

"I have decided what course of action to take." Celestia says loudly, surprising everyone at the table, even me.

"Let us go to the courtyard." She charges her horn before turning to me. "Oh and sir Dante, all of your weapons will be there for you to choose which one to use." The room fades into white and I can feel myself split in two, just not in a bad way. It's kind of pleasant actually. Kind of like being in a hot tub but without the water.

Suddenly the sound of crickets reaches my ears and the feel of soft wind blows in my hair, making it wave gently.
the view of a large empty courtyard with a bunch of wooden targets reaches my sights. Along with the six mares and two princesses.

I can hear the sound of a pony mutter "Woah" and when I turn around, I see all of them besides the princesses huddled up around all my weapons that are placed neatly next to one another hanging on weapon racks, with Luna taking quick peeks here and there.

Everyone, suddenly wanted to know what those weapons were.

The worst one was Twilight, as she was looking at every single one of them with detail. She turns to me and forgets to zip it.

"How did you get all these weapons? Are you special? Please, I need to study them for science!" I just smirk at her and walk up to the rack with all my weapons.

"You will see these in action soon enough Twilight, don't you worry about that." Before I can reach over to grab them Celestia addresses me directly.

"Dante." I turn towards her.

"Yeah?"

"You can only take ONE for now, you need to earn my trust before I," She narrows her eyes at me. "let you have them all, so you can only have one."

I cross my arms and frown at her.

"Hey, if i'm going to do this then I need all of my weapons."

"It's either one or you go back to stone." God she's a real bitch.

I decide to test my luck a little.

"You need me, otherwise I wouldn't be out here with you all trying to fight YOUR battles."

Everything suddenly goes quiet until Twilight perks up.
"He has a point princess..."

Celestia's eye twitches and she spreads her wings.
"Enough! Either you pick one or you go back to stone, what is it going to be dante?"

I just shrug and turn back to look at my weapons.

"Hmm... what's it going to be? Oh I know."

And then I pick rebellion gently and smirk at Celestia.

"This one sunbutt."

She speaks calmly but her eyes deceive her.
"Are you sure that is the one you pick Dante?" She asks.

I look back to my weapon and smirk at it, then turn back to her.
"Yeah, i'm sure."

I then face the targets with dedication clear on my face with rebellion at the ready before I give a little shout and run towards them.

"It's showtime!"

Chapter 3- The meeting of two evils (Unedited)

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