Scootaloo Gets a Twilight Lecture

by SockPuppet

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Scootaloo, Sex, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 1129

Scootaloo needs to talk about sex. Unfortunately, she goes to Twilight for help, and gets a lecture, instead.

Scootaloo needs to talk about sex. Unfortunately, she goes to Twilight for help, and gets a lecture, instead.

(Possible unequivocal spoilers in comments)

And with a YouTube audio reading, apparently: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SUBgt876x8Y
They really nail the panic in Scootaloo's voice! I love it!

Published 2019-04-25 09:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-04-25 09:00:01 UTC

And Scootaloo learns things she didn't want to learn

Scootaloo leaned her scooter against the steps of the Castle of Friendship, slung her helmet over its handlebars, and trotted up the stairs.

She took a few deep breaths and closed her eyes. She raised her hoof to knock, hesitated, lowered her hoof, turned around, and started sneaking back down the stairs toward her scooter.

The door opened.

Scootaloo froze and hunched her shoulders, cowering against the blue crystal.

"Hey, Scootaloo!" shouted Starlight Glimmer. "I thought I heard somepony. What's up?"

Scootaloo's tail drooped. Her ears went flat to her skull. She turned around and looked up at Starlight.

Starlight frowned. "You've been crying, Scootaloo."

Scootaloo nodded her head. "I... I need to talk to Princess Twilight."

Starlight levitated the door fully open. "She's in her library. Need me to walk you there?"

Scootaloo trudged up the stairs and took a step into the castle. She looked up at Starlight. "No... no, thanks. This is kinda private. I know where the library is."

Starlight nodded. "I'll be in my room. You two come get me if you need me?"

"Thanks, Starlight."

Scootaloo sat at a table in Twilight's library. She slumped forward, head cradled on her forelegs. Her wings drooped down her flanks and off the edge of the chair.

Twilight levitated a cup of hot chocolate and placed it in front of Scootaloo.

"Thanks, Princess."

"Call me Twilight."

Scootaloo sipped at her chocolate.

"Scootaloo, are you ready to talk?"

"Can you lock the door?"

"Really?" Twilight raised an eyebrow, then zapped a spell at the door. It clicked.

"Tell me what's wrong, Scootaloo. Please."

"It's not... nothing's wrong... but I'm too nervous to talk to my aunts... and mom 'n dad won't be back in Ponyville for weeks." She sniffed and wiped her nose. "I miss mom and dad, sometimes. I mean, my aunts are great, but..."

"Would you be more comfortable with Rainbow Dash?"

Scootaloo said, "I'll talk to her, too, this afternoon, but I think you can help me with something that I need help with, first. Like, the sooner the better."

Twilight laid a hoof onto Scootaloo's. "Scootaloo, you're a good friend to me. I've spent years here in Ponyville, watching you grow up. I'll help you with literally anything I can."

"Thanks." Scootaloo sipped hot chocolate, and stared into the mug. "It's about... sex."

Twilight's wings lifted about an inch off her flank, her eyes narrowed, and her horn sparked. She growled, "Did somepony make you do something you didn't want to do, Scootaloo?"

Scootaloo looked up, eyes wide. Her jaw dropped open. "What? No! Princess, no, nothing like that! I'm just wondering if you can help me--"

"Thank Celestia! Now, it's LECTURE TIME!" Twilight squealed, leaping into the air and hovering above the table.

With a flash of magic, she summoned a dozen books and a white projector screen.

"No, Twilight, I--"

"At a certain age," Twilight began, projecting a cross-sectional drawing of a filly's insides onto the screen from her horn, "you'll find your body undergoing certain changes. Do you need a scroll and quill to take notes?"

"Twilight, no--"

"As your body gets ready for marehood, and foalbearing. Among the changes you'll notice are a monthly cycle, in which your body prepares for the implantation of a fertilized egg."

"I know that!"

Twilight fluttered down to the ground. "Oh, you do? Well..." She bit her lip, and projected a different image.

Scootaloo stared in horror as she recognized the new cross-sectional drawing as that of a stallion.

"Uh, Twilight, please, no, not right now--"

"When two ponies love each other, and they are adults, I cannot emphasize the adult part enough, certain things happen between them. During your monthly cycle, Scootaloo, you may find at certain times during your cycle, you have feelings. These feelings may be for colts, or for other fillies, but these feelings--"

"Colts."

"I'm sorry?"

"Colts," Scootaloo said. "My strong feelings."

Twilight blinked. "....really?"

"Colts!"

"Okay, Scootaloo, just, with your mane.... where was I?"

"Twilight, what I need you to help me with--"

"Feelings! Strong feelings for colts. When a colt gets to be about your age, well, changes take place in his body, as well. You're sure....?"

"Colts!"

Twilight charged up her horn.

"Twilight, please don't animate that drawing!"

"You don't want to see how this works? You're sure you... um... colts? Because, you know, colt parts. I mean, when I was your age, I kept practicing to teleport into the colt's... er, the restricted section of the library."

Scootaloo slammed her face into the table and tried to cover it with her wings, but her wings didn't reach.

"Twilight, please just listen to me. Please. I know about this stuff. Miss Cheerilee taught us in school."

"Miss Cheerilee? Really? I had to learn this from books. I'm impressed they teach it in schools now."

"I mean, Princess, really. This is a farm town. I watched ducks doing, you know, stuff when I was a toddler. And bunnies. And dogs. And pigs. This isn't what I'm here for."

Twilight made a sad face and then flashed magic at the projector screen. It disappeared. "Well... do Sweetie Belle or Apple Bloom need to know this? I've been looking forward to giving this lecture ever since I got all the new books with my new castle."

Scootaloo said, "Apple Bloom lives on a farm. They breed cows and pigs."

"The cows can talk," Twilight said. "The Apples actually decide.....?"

"And Sweetie Belle spends too much time at Rarity's place to not have trotted in on things she wishes she didn't know."

"Rarity? Really? Rarity?"

Scootaloo looked up, and quirked an eyebrow at Twilight.

"If you don't mind me asking..."

"Rarity?" Scootaloo said. "Stallions and mares."

"Well!" Twilight fluffed her wings and summoned the projector screen again, with a flash of magic. "Well! Okay! Maybe I should go through the whole lecture from the top, just in case there's a missing piece in your education."

"Princess Twilight! I know all about sex!" Scootaloo shouted, her wings fluttering.

"Then.... then why are you here?"

"I need an emergency contraceptive. And I'm too embarrassed to ask my aunts to take me to the doctor. I was hoping you would have a spell or something....?"

"Scootaloo, you had sex... today?" Twilight said, very slowly.

"About an hour ago. I boinked Rumble in the Crusaders' clubhouse. He, ya know, way all up inside me. I was having those feelings you talked about. So, I'm afraid my monthly cycle, is, you know, right now. Do you have a spell, or a potion, or whatever?"

"Scootaloo. You. Had. Sex?"

"Yes!"

"What's... what's it like?"

Author's Note

Know what I mean, nudge nudge?