Authors’s Note: Cupcake Treat: This story is an adaptation from a mock interview of Pinkie Pie that I did with the author Sleestack. It went downhill (Or alternatively, got better, depending on who you ask) very fast. I wrote the voice of Pinkie Pie, the action scenes and most description, and Slee wrote as the mystery pony, and kept our story going, because I normally wouldn’t write like this. Any thoughts, Mr. Stack?
Sleestack: Yes. Yeah. Read this and enjoy it. Also, read this and if you like it, you’d probably like my fic, Navigate, (edited and preread by Mr. Treats here) it’s about a-
Cupcake Treat: Don’t tell them! They need to go look it up and read it themselves! (Do that, by the way)
Sleestack: Alright, alright, but let’s stop this screenplay style bickering. It’s getting corny. Just roll the fic!
(Commencing Story)
Pinkie bounced about Sugarcube corner holding a washcloth, mopping up various stains (mostly frosting) on the floor, earning her bits for emergency items and party supplies. Suddenly, the door opened, revealing a tan stallion wearing a brown fedora. “Are you Ms. Pie?” He asked.
“I’m sorry, we’re closed! Feel free to come tomorrow for more delicious treats! Same bat time, same bat channel!”
He continued to walk in. “I’m not here for a delicious treat, Ms. Pie. I’m here to discuss something with you.”
“You don’t sound very happy, what’s wrong Mr... What’s your name?”
“Call me Mr. Stack. And it’s not that I’m happy, it’s just that I want to get this over with.”
“Why wouldn’t you want to hang around? Well, I guess we are closed, but what’s wrong?”
“Nothing is wrong, Ms. Pie. Well, there is, but we’ll get around to that later. First, I want to know, would you be interested in a... special assignment?”
“Like a secret mission?” Pinkie gasped, “Do I get to be a spy?”
The mystery pony smiled. “Yes, yes, something like that. Tell me, what interest do you have in law enforcement?”
“I love Sherclop Pones novels! And all those Agatha Christie whodunits, I’m just glad my best friend Twilight happens to be a librarian, well, lives in one anyway!”
He was taken aback by that statement. “Those exist here?” he closed his eyes and shook his head. “I mean... so, you enjoy reading about catching criminals, have you ever thought about... doing it yourself?”
“All the time! I actually did once, although Twilight did most of the deducting...”
“Well, my coworkers and I have been mulling over giving you a... position. We were looking at your potential to be a crime-stopper. And we were just wondering what you were thinking about it?”
“That sounds amazing! I’ve never actually worked on cases like that before! Where do I sign? I’m sure Mr. and Mrs. Cake won’t mind.”
“Well, hold on. First, some questions. First, are you willing to stop any evil-doer that needs to be stopped?
“If I can stop them doing evil, of course! Why wouldn’t I?”
“Would you be willing to stop such evil doers by any means necessary?” he asked, grimly.
“I don’t know... I wouldn’t want to miss one of my friend’s birthday parties... Other than that, sure!” Pinkie says, obviously not knowing what he means.
“It’s not a matter of whenever it is necessary. Your ki- ahem. Your crime stopping schedule can be adjusted to your needs. It’s a question of however it is necessary.”
“I can tickle ‘em till they break, no matter how they scream.” She replies, with a stoic solemn look.
The pony returned this with a very concerned look. “Well, if it needs to come to that, we’ll allow it. Last question. Will you be willing to accept the consequences?”
“I don’t know what could really go wrong here. These are evil-doers, it’s not like everyone’s gonna yell at me about doing things with them!”
The pony smiled again. “Alright.” He put out his hoof. “Welcome to Operation Frosting.”
Pinkie also smiled and in turn accepted the offered hoof. “That’s a great name, but I suppose great minds think alike! When do I start?”
“You’ll start when we give you a call. You’ll know.” He said, breaking the hoof-shake and stepping back. “And as for the name, thanks. I came up with it myself.”
The mysterious tan pony trotted back out the door and into the night from whence he came.
Pinkie began pacing back and forth comically while very visibly having an internal monologue, complete with hoof motions.
Oh boy! This is so cryptic and strange! Just like the movies! What’re we gonna do? He stumbled over something though... “Your ki-” Maybe he’s gonna train me to be a kung-fu master! It’ll be just like Kung Fu Pony, except I’m not fat, and I guess I don’t sell rice.... Oh no! I’ll have to leave a note to tell Mr and Mrs. Cake I’ll be gone... but wait, When will I be gone? Oh well. I can explain it later. No one ever minds too much where I am anyway. Even Twilight thinks like everypony else now, “It’s Pinkie Pie”, like just accepting a fact. I hope I’m a fact! I sure wouldn’t want to be fiction, but maybe it’s nice! I’ve never tried being imaginary... Maybe a whole bunch of people would be happy reading about me, or watching me, or listening to me on a radio play even! Maybe I could be a dastardly villain, and tie Rainbow Dash to the tracks! And then Applejack would come and try to stop me, it would be so fun!
Pinkie turned, inadvertently looking at the clock, and proceeded to do a double take, noticing it was fairly late.
“Whoa!” We musta been talking a while! I need to get my sleep and refuel my imagination tanks!
The next day Pinkie Pie had just given a box of cupcakes to Lyra, “Don’t eat them all in one place!” The minty green unicorn said something over her shoulder as she left, but it was drowned out by the ringing of the telephone on the desk. “Sugarcube Corner, Ponyville’s premier sweets shop!”
“Ms. Pie?” said the voice from across the line.
“Yes? Oh! It’s you! What do I get to do??”
“I’m afraid nothing, today, Ms. Pie. Today is your orientation. And I’m afraid I can’t do it over the phone. Is there anywhere in particular you’d like to meet?”
“Hmmm... How about... The bowling alley?”
“...you have one of those? Sure. Is it likely that you’ll see any of your close friends there?”
“As far as I know, none of them have bowling as a hobby, so 50/50.”
Ignoring her crazy logic, he said,“Alright. Meet me there.”
The pink party pony took about 3 minutes bouncing and chatting all the way. Eventually, she walked in, soaking up the activity, the clash of bowling ball against pins. The eternal struggle of seeing just how much havoc you could wreak in a straight line. She surmised. She looked to the far side of the building, and saw the dust-toned stallion sitting alone at a table, writing something down on a notebook of some sort. Pinkie immediately sidled up to a wall, and began tip-hooving over to where he was sitting, looking around once or twice to make sure nopony was looking. They were used to this kind of activity by now.
“Hello, Ms. Pie.” said the pony, unsurprised, without even looking up from his writing.
Pinkie pulled a newspaper out of her mane and promptly began pretending to read it. “So, what’s the scoop?”
He shook his head and laughed. “I like your dedication.” he said. “So, question. Do you know what makes some ponies evil, and others, not?”
“Well, evil ponies always try to hurt everypony. You know they’re really evil when they hurt an innocent pony!”
“Hmm. I mean, what drives them to do such things? I mean, nobo- nopony in their right mind would want to hurt someone like that, right?”
“I don’t know why anypony would be evil. I guess I wouldn’t know because well, I’ve never tried.”
“Well, we’ve wondered the same thing for a long time. But recently, we discovered the reason. It’s a chemical, produced naturally within the body. In small amounts, it leads to selfish, and frankly just mean behavior. Nothing alarming. However,” he put the notebook away. “with some individuals, the amount of this chemical is very large. And in cases like these, that is where you get ponies who hurt people.”
“That sounds like something Twilight would know about. She’s probably say something like ‘Hasn’t there been some research into an antidote?’ or something like that.”
“Well, two things. One, you can never tell Ms. Sparkle about this. Any of this, especially the chemical. Second, we have worked out a sort of cure, and that’s where you come in, Ms. Pie.”
Putting on her best poker face, she says neutrally “Go on...”
“You are now part of a process. This process has multiple steps, of which you are the first step. You are The Drainer.”
“Oooh, how cryptic! I don’t suppose literally become a drain?”
“No. What you do, is you rid the chemical from the... subject’s body.”
“But how do I get it out of them? Or know if it’s there?”
“We will find victims of the chemical for you. You don’t need to worry about that. And as for ridding the chemical...” he reached underneath the table, and pulled out a long, reflective knife that shone the force of an overhead light into his eyes for a fraction of a second, but he barely noticed. “I assume you’ve seen one of these before, Ms. Pie?”
“Sure, but I don’t see how that helps. I just use those to slice and serve cake.”
“Yes, but this tool can serve another use as well. When placed against the skin of a subject, the chemical is attracted to the metals in the knife.”
“Wow, that seems really useful! I wonder why more ponies haven’t done this yet? Is it a really hard spell enchantment or something?”
“Well, this chemical was only very recently discovered. And this tool was only perfected a few days ago. We just need someone who could handle using it.”
“I guess I do have experience using a knife... You’ve come to the right pony!” She said beaming, before quickly resuming a conspiratorial manner.
“Indeed. We needed to pick the least evil pony in all of Equestria.”
“Least evil?? Why didn’t you go to Fluttershy? She’s more innocent than a newborn foal!”
“Our records show she has rage control issues. We need someone level headed.” He looked at the pink pony. “We need someone reasonable. Err, we need someone who...” he looked down, trying to grasp the right words. “We need someone who won’t raise suspicion! And Fluttershy, she has too many animals to take care of. If she was gone for too long, people would start noticing that her animals aren’t being taken care of.”
“Am I going to be gone for a really long time?”
“Not very long. At one time. You are going to be gone for short periods of time, but quite often.”
“So I’m gonna be like a Drainer Delivery Service, ready on call!”
“Yes! Precisely. Now, a few rules you’ll need to follow: One: Never tell anyone... anypony about this. We can’t have the general population knowing about our missions.”
“Easy enough, don’t go telling people I’m James Bond.” She stated, deadpan.
“Bond... yeah... Anyway, Two: When the knife is given to you, it is very important you don’t use its abilities on any other being. The metals are very dangerous, and the effects of it can only be reversed in surgery, and we only want to have to perform surgery on subjects we are already planning to use it on. Understand?”
“Well, as long as you tell me the right ponies, nothing can go wrong!”
“Indeed. And one last rule: There’s no going back.”
“Well, as long as I’m on the side of good with you, I don’t get why I would!”
“Okay. I will give you your first assignment tomorrow night, with further instructions. Copy?”
Pinkie made a radio static noise “Chhk, roger!”
“Yes. You’re free to go now.”
Pinkie went back the way she came, still tip-hooving, until she got out the door, proceeding to bound all the way back. She got back to Sugarcube Corner, Mr. Cake was at the register, having taken over her position. “Hey, good to see you back. Can you take over again?”
“No problem!” The rest of that day was uneventful.
The next day, Pinkie found herself once again bouncing down the street, when a suspiciously placed pay-phone began to ring. Pinkie bounced over and answered. “Yes Mr. Suspicious Pony?”
“You’re catching on.” said the voice. “Tonight, sunset, Equine Cafe. Wear something to conceal your identity. Got it?”
“Of course!” Promptly hanging up, she mumbled to herself, “Kinda bossy if you ask me.” The phone rang again. Pinkie Pie answers again with “Oh no, what is it??”
“I heard that.” a click.
A pony in a dark suspicious hoodie trotted in and sat down next to a tan pony.
“Evening, Ms. Pie.” he said. “Are you ready for your first assignment?”
“Ready, willing, and fully enabled!” She said, giving a small salute.
“Alright. You see that mare sitting on the other side of the cafe? Don’t make it obvious you’re looking.”
She suddenly put her opera glasses away, whistling and looking away.
“...fine, then. Did you get a good look at her, though?”
“Yep, what about her?”
“We’ve received a tip that she was keeping something in her house. Something that makes a lot of noise, you know? So, we sent over a team to her place, and we’ve found out she has quite an interesting hobby.”
“What is it, Ooh, is she in a band? Does she leave her synthesizer on random?”
“She kidnaps colts, and keeps them in her cellar. What she does with them, is up for debate. But we have a team at her house recovering them. It’s up to you to take care of her here.”
“That’s terrible, but take care of her here?” She gave a confused look. “But I figured this was supposed to be secret?”
“Yes. Of course. I misspoke. We’ll wait for her to leave. Then, you follow her. Wait til you get to a secluded area, and then, sneak up on her with this.” he pulled out the knife from under the table. “You’ll put it up to her neck, and make a slicing motion. Then, get out of there. The chemical will be pouring everywhere. I’ll go in and get rid of the... the subject. I have a special coating on my hooves that allows me to deal with the chemical. You come back here, unless you got any on you. Then you need to go to somewhere with few ponies and try to wash off the chemical. Then come back here. We’ll rendezvous and then you can go home. Got it?”
“Okay, so you really really don’t want anypony to know it’s me?”
“Yes. It is crucial to the mission’s success. Also, make sure she doesn’t know you’re following her. We suspect she may be armed.”
“Armed? What’s an arm?”
“...oh yeah. She may be carrying a weapon.”
“...You say weird things sometimes. Anyways, I’m off!” she said, as she trotted off, and proceeded to hide on a nearby balcony behind a potted plant.
Sea Swirl was walking home, and the stars were the only real indication that she needed to get to bed. She heard a small rustling sound from a nearby bush. The dolphin-flanked pony regarded it as simply a noise of Luna’s night and continued onwards.
Pinkie was tensed up, ready to spring. Gummy appeared next to her, momentarily distracting her. “Go home! This is secret business!” She took his blank look as a yes. All the houses were dark. Nopony was here to see what she was about to do. The pink earth pony sprang from behind Sea Swirl, taking a slightly awkward slice from behind her neck, only partially cutting her throat.
“Gahhk!!” She attempted to scream, but was muffled by the continuing blood flow. Pinkie knew that this probably was not enough, and attempted to make a better cut, but her wild magic gripped her hoof, shoving her off, just to the side. She made a few more slashes, and the blade finally hit home after the fourth try, completely stopping Swirl. She fell to the ground, now silent.
“Oooh, I hope she’ll be okay... GASP!!” She noticed that some of the bad juices had spilled on her hooves inadvertently during the intense struggle of good versus evil. Suddenly, from behind her she heard hooves hitting against the ground. As she turned to see who it was, she saw the fedora-wearing pony running full speed toward the two of them. As he got to them, he halted.
“Good job,” he said in a breathy voice. “I’ll take care of her. You... you go wash up and meet me back where we said.”
Pinkie purposefully did not bounce, but hurriedly trotted to the main fountain, eager to get the bad juices off of her hooves. As she washed off the juice she finally came to a realization. This... This is the same stuff that I saw when I tripped as a filly and skinned my knee on that rock! Am I... Am I... Evil?? She looked into the fountain, at her reflection, as her mane suddenly deflated, and she became amazingly sullen. She trotted slowly back the the cafe, finding the tan pony.
“Great, great job, Ms. Pie. I think you’re the best Drainer I’ve ever seen.” he noticed her depressed disposition. “What’s wrong?”
Pinkie Pie was very split on whether to tell him or not, fearing the consequences. “What do you do with the ‘subjects’?”
“Well, I sent her on a carriage over to our care facility. They’re going to repair the damage to her neck, nurse her back to health, and, more likely than not, give her therapy once she realizes all the evil things she’s done.”
“Umm, well, I think I have the same juices she does... What do I do?”
The stallion turned his head for a second, and then turned back. “What makes you think that, Ms. Pie?”
“Well, a couple of times, I’ve hurt myself, and I kinda noticed that same sort of thing, like when I accidently gave myself a papercut looking through Twilight’s books. Was that evil?”
“Looking through books? No, lots of good people read.”
She didn’t mention that Twilight didn’t know she was looking through her books. “Well, okay. But if I’m not evil, why did that stuff appear?”
He looked surprised at this. “Oh. Well, um, that’s something that all ponies have, whether they’re good or evil. And the chemical mixes with it, and disguises itself as that. You’re not evil. You’re fine.”
That sounded remarkably like an excuse to Pinkie’s ears, but she knew ponies only did that when they meant they were doing something better, like a surprise party, so she accepted it. “Okay... So, I just go home now?” She said, looking slightly more hopeful.
“If you want. I’ll have another assignment for you tomorrow.”
“Well, I’ll be ready!” Her mane had poofed up again, and her color had come back, and she tip-hooved down the street. She slipped into bed in the second floor of Sugarcube Corner, with a sound conscious, mercifully unaware of what she was actually doing in her new line of work.
In the morning, after her miniature workout, she walked down to the desk, and found a small piece of paper. Turning it over, she read (to herself) Meet me at the Aloe and Lotus Spa tonight.
Bouncing in the door, the bell jangled rather noticeably. She spotted the mysterious, presumably spy pony.
“Evening again, Ms. Pie.” he said, not looking at her. “Ready to work your magic again?”
“But I’m an earth pony, silly!”
The pony snapped his head in her direction. “You call yourselves that? But how do you...” he shook his head again. “Anyway. Have you seen your next subject? It’s kind of hard to miss him.”
“Him? Who is it?”
“Oh that’s right. You haven’t scouted the area, have you?”
“Not yet, I just got here! How should I go about looking for him?”
“He’s hard to miss. Very hard. He’s pretty... big. You’ll know him when you see him.”
“Okay, so it’ll be just like before, and make sure nopony sees?”
“Yes. But there will be something different about this time.” He pulled out the knife, with a little bit of the chemical still caked on the very tip of the blade. “Not only will you need this, you’re also going to need this.” he pulled out a syringe, filled with a clear substance. “Like I said, he’s rather large, and this will slow him down substantially.”
“...Do I just stick the pointy end into him or something? Seems like it would hurt...”
“It makes him sleepy. He has a history of assault, so he’s going to try and take you down. This will stop him from being able to use all of his strength.”
“Okay, seems easy peasy, but what do I do to stop people from seeing me?”
“He’s going to be moved into a private room. I’ll distract the spa owners, and that’ll be your chance to have him to yourself. Got it?”
“Roger! Over and out!” She bounced over to the front desk, ordering a basic hooficure as a ruse/excuse to get in. She walked in, letting Aloe begin to file her hooves.
“Excuse me, ma’am? Could you please come over here? I’m in town because of a disappearance last night, and the pony in question was last seen here. Could I have a few words with you, please?”
Aloe looked slightly remorseful, glancing at him and back to her and back again. “Nopony else is there. I’m gonna have to have you wait, sorry...” She went back to the tan pony in the lobby.
Pinkie removed her hooves from the stand and began a search, appearing out of a potted plant and examining Snowflake. Her “employer” Heehee! That sounded silly! was right! He was huge! But, she had a job to do. He seemed calm enough, slightly snoozing, so she went around to the side his neck was, and, knowing no better option, suddenly jabbed the needle in deep, neglecting to actually push in the syringe’s plunger. While she was well outfitted, for better and worse, she was not well informed. The gigantic freak of a pegasus began flailing about and whacked Pinkie Pie with a hoof in his confusion, sending her into the wall.
He attempted to fly in an awkward manner, and ran sideways into the other wall, jamming the drug (and the rest of the syringe) into his system. He fell down in a writhing pile, attempting to breathe around the plastic tube shoved through his neck. After about half a minute, he stopped convulsing, and breathing for that matter. Pinkie Pie found it quite hard to slice through his meaty neck, but with some hard work and determination, she managed to get the evil juices flowing out, this time not splashing herself with any of the wicked liquid. She tucked the knife into her mane, and thought this had gone pretty good.
Pinkie Pie began to trot out, sure that nopony had seen her. She had just about gotten to the lobby when Rarity spotted her. “Oh, Pinkie! My dear, I had no idea you came to the spa!”
“Oh, hiya Rarity! I was just getting a hooficure, but I’m going now!”
“But darling, won’t you stay with me and get a full treatment?”
“Well, I think Mr. and Mrs. Cake might need me back at the bakery, but otherwise, I’d love to!” She proceeded to scamper out to the lobby.
As she was making her way out, she passed the mystery pony. “Distract the owner for me. I need to take care of the subject.”
She instantly had a hoof-full of party poppers and proceeded to pull the strings on them. While most ponies were used to this kind of action, the spa ponies were not. Aloe and Lotus both galloped in, the latter said in a decibel below yelling “Please keep it down, these ponies are trying to relax.!”
From inside the spa, Pinkie could see the tan pony making his way out of a window. He turned around and moved his hooves in a “wrap it up” motion.
Refraining from singing “Winter Wrap Up”, Pinkie quickly apologized “Oh, sorry! I’ll keep it down next time!” and left.
As she walked out, the tan pony was standing right outside of the entrance. “Great job. But, I’m afraid I have some bad news.”
“Oh no! What’s wrong?” Pinkie gasped out.
“Your friend, the white pony. You are associated with her, right?”
“‘Associated’? We’re the best of friends!”
“Well, I’m deeply sorry to say, I’m fairly certain that she contains the chemical herself.”
“WHAT?!?” Pinkie yelled, and then looking around to see that nopony was watching anyway. “Rarity can’t be evil... I know she’s good! She’s one of the Elements of Harmony! How could she not be a good guy?”
“Well, it’s entirely possible she was only recently infected with the chemical. But while I was in there, I saw her pouring some types of liquid into another pony’s bath. She threw the bottles out, and I saw they weren’t bubble bath or lotions. They were serums that can cause hair loss and skin damage. And to me, it didn’t look like she was having any regrets about doing it.”
“But.. Well...” She stammered, “Of course she didn’t have any regret! She couldn’t know what they were! Nopony even sells stuff like that!”
“True. Not in Ponyville, anyway. But some doctors and chemists over in Canterlot have been known to have them. And it’s pretty easy to get on the black market. Or whatever the equivalent of the black market is for you.”
“I guess she could have gotten some while she was there...” Her color faded slightly, but her mane stayed true. “Well, there’s only one thing left to do. Let’s make her better!!”
“I like that attitude. I’ll give you a call tomorrow night. We’re going to make your friend better!”
“I really hope she can get back to her old self soon...” Pinkie only bounced halfway back to her house. The other half she trotted, and she came back to her room, careful not to wake up the rest of the house as she did so. Leaping into bed, she almost instantly curled up and fell asleep.
It was strange. For the first time in a long while, she had a nightmare. She saw the giant pegasus flying towards her, twitching violently and she was seized from behind, as Sea Swirl grabbed her and held her down. Snowflake seemed to be flying in pursuit all night, and she couldn’t understand why. Surprisingly, when she tried to laugh them away, it made them angrier, making the hulk of a pony nearly fall out of the sky.
Pinkie Pie woke up a couple hours before dawn, and couldn’t fall asleep again. Her mane was more frazzled than normal, with multiple hairs out of place. She skipped the morning workout, and brushed her hair a bit in the mirror. She saw a note on the door. She turned around, walked to the door and grabbed it reading: Be at the fountain, one hour after sunset.
The stars were brilliant overhead. Luna’s night was more beautiful now that Luna was back. Pinkie hadn’t noticed however, thankfully, she was able to catch a nap during the day. She was back at The Fountain of Realization as she had now dubbed it.
On the edge of the fountain, she saw an envelope with Ms. Pie written on it. Pinkie opened it, and it revealed the knife, with a thin layer of the chemical running along the length of the blade, and another note, reading ‘You’re on your own this time’.
Pinkie Pie was very nervous. She had always had that strange pony to tell her what to do. She bounded down the streets of a sleeping Ponyville, to the Carousel Boutique. Opening the door with extreme care as not to ring the bell. All the lights in the combination store/house were off, but Pinkie could still see well enough. She followed the petite breathing sound, to a small pile of blankets. Must be Sweetie Belle, and she wasn’t the evil one. Listening for another tone of breathing, she opened the door to a bedroom. On an extremely posh bed, Rarity slept with blinders on, and a velvety soft blanket pulled up to her neck.
Pinkie crept up, appearing right next to the recumbent unicorn, and attempted to pull down her blanket for a clean slice at her neck. Rarity stiffened at the motion. pulling back on the blanket, she incoherently mumbled, “...Myy...ine.” She rolled over and into a fetal position, conviently revealing the side of her neck. Pinkie looked at her fabulous fashion designer friend, for some reason having a slightly off feeling, suddenly not wanting to do this. She knew this was the right thing to do though. She carefully pushed her hoof with the knife in between Rarity’s hooves and her neck. She carefully sliced from the far side to the near side. It was the strangest thing. She didn’t even wake up. There was no fight. No struggle. Something was wrong here.
“Rarity?” No response. “Rarity?” She shook her a bit. All she got in response was a muffled gargling noise, and nothing more afterwards, as a crimson stain spread onto the bed.
From behind her, she heard the sound of hooves being put together. Clapping. “Congratulations, Ms. Pie. Another fine, fine job. But I’m afraid you have one last job you should take care of tonight.”
“...” Her mane deflated in a most pitiful manner. “What? What is it...”
“You probably know her. Sociable, enjoys having fun, pink. Our sources tell us that she killed three innocent ponies, all with the same knife.”
“...innocent?” Pinkie hoarsely whispered.
“Oh yeah. For some reason she believed one was harboring colts in her house, and that another one was assaulting people, and that her own friend was bathing other ponies in harmful chemicals! I swear, the things she makes up sometimes...”
“...killed.” She rumbled out.
“Yeah. Killed. Dead. Not coming back. It’s a shame, really. But hey, that’s life.”
“You know nothing about life, you monster!” Pinkie roared. For the second time in her life, she was actually angry.
“Really? I think I know more about life than you, you fucking talking abomination of an equine! I am from the world which your God was born. And it is real. I am real. Whatever you are, you are not. You are just fiction.”
“I know I’m not real. But at least I had standards.. What you’ve done... Why? Why would you do this to a world you hardly even know?”
“Heh.” he smiled. “Consider it an exercise. You need to know how to push people to do what you want, of course. But it’s more impressive to know how make them want to do it.” He turned around and began to walk away. “But anyway, it’s been nice working with you, Ms. Pie. I look forward to if we ever do it again.”
Pinkie materialized in the doorway as he was about to leave. “How many worlds have you ruined?!?”
“Well, I think you and I have different definitions of the word ‘ruined’. I like to think I ‘deepened’ this world. But anyway, how many? Probably no more than the average writer. But in the way I did this one? This is my first with directly interfering. You see, I decided to ‘borrow’ a world created by my associate, Mr. Treats, just to see what I could do. And I think I’ve done a good amount. Wouldn’t you agree?”
“No. No. I don’t believe this. You’ve made everything shallow and evil, in the guise of a good spirit. I don’t need any associates to know that the evil juices flow through you!” She leaps at the tan pony knife first. But in mid air, she is suddenly halted forcefully.
“I knew that would come in handy.” said the stallion. He lifted his fedora revealing a glowing horn. “I like that I’ve been able to leave you with the killing instinct, Ms. Pie. Is it just natural for you now? Is killing something you want to do now?”
She hung her head in defeat. There was nothing more to say to that.
“Listen, Ms. Pie. If you are really upset by all this, that is to say, all my hard work has gone to waste, then you can ask nicely and my associate Mr. Treats might be willing to change everything back for you. I really don’t care. I’ve got this all down on paper now, and I think it’s a great little murder story. Especially that last line. ‘Rarity? Rarity?’ Aw, it’s so killer!”
There was no response. She simply hung there limply until finally saying “Fine. You win. Take your games someplace else. These are terrible party games.”
“Psht. Says you.” Said the tan pony, as he walked past her and out the door. Once he was gone, she dropped to the floor.
Extremely thankful that Sweetie Belle had not woken up during the whole ordeal, she turns straight at you. “You. You’re the reason it’s gone on like this. The reason I was made to kill. Why Rarity is DEAD!” Walking towards you, she steps through the monitor, covering your view of the screen. She shows you the knife, still caked with the “evil juice” of the innocent, and she reaches up with her blade-wielding forehoof.
The End.
And the other author went on to write an innocent fic about Pinkie Pie planning a party for Bon-Bon. Pinkie was back in her canon reality, but now she was wiser about the ways of human nature, and went out of her way (even more) to spend time with her friends, only hoping that she would never be forced into murdering again. She had went to Rarity. Turning down her amazing energy for just a while for her friend, they had enjoyed a day at the spa. She tried and failed to shake the memory of Snowflake, mostly because she had seen him outside, somehow staying aloft as he flew towards the market. She felt remorse for things that had now been made to never happen. All she could do was move on.
"Living well is the best revenge." - George Herbert
