Trading (Private) Places

“Attention, mares and gentlecolts of the court proper! May I have your attention, please!”

The royal chamber, which had been previously buzzing with the casual conversation of young and old alike, fell silent. Stationed at both sides of the hall, the audience obediently and uniformly gave their attention to a unicorn stallion--dressed pompously in a gold and pink doublet, complete with a large neck ruff and jingle-bell slippers--who stood in the very center of the chamber, just before the pulpit that rose up to two ornately decorated thrones. One throne was red with golden trim and the other dark blue with silver. It was noticeable, however, that the red throne was about a foot taller than the blue throne and slightly more centered.

“It is my pleasure as the Royal vizier, keeper of the Royal Seal, advisor to the Princesses, coordinator of the senate, both greater and lower chambers, arbiter of the high courts--”

“Retriever of our breakfast, hehe… ow!” a voice called out from behind the ornate oak door to the left of the throne. It was flanked by two guards who stood ready to open them when the occasion called for it. The ponies of the audience, as if on cue, uniformly turned to the door. The vizier looked as well. “Why did you bite us?”

“You’re being rude,” an older, more refined voice came through. “What if they could hear you?”

“We would not say anything behind their backs that we would not say to their faces.”

“I would certainly hope so. Thank goodness this door is soundproof.”

”Besides, do you question the fact that he is the one who fetches breakfast.”

There was a silence. One of the two guards stationed at the door moved to open it, but the other guard held a hoof up and shook his head. The pony in the ruff waited for a moment before continuing with his speech. He cleared his throat. “And without further ado…”

“Finally,” Luna said as she stared at the oak door before her. The beautiful carvings were totally lost on her as she slouched in wait.

“... I will call upon the altar colt to light the vigil in honor of those viziers who have previously served our Princess with poise and dignity.”

“Ugh, there’s more?” Luna said in disbelief. Celestia leaned over and quickly nipped Luna on the ear. Luna jumped, bumping against the door and nearly falling over in surprise. “Ow! Stop biting us!”

“No,” Celestia answered simply. “And you’re slipping into your old speech again.”

“Oh, bother,” Luna said rubbing her tender ear. “Always with the ‘I’s’ and the ‘me’s’. ‘We’ and ‘us’ are, in fact, measurably greater. Why don’t you act royal for once and speak for the crown?”

“Because I wish for the ponies to see me not only as a leader, but as a friend.”

“Pfft, friends. That Twilight Sparkle is having an effect on you.”

“Yes, she has. She has taught me many lessons on the value of friendship.” Celestia smiled fondly at the thought.

“Oh, we know. And not just the royal ‘we’. So does the whole castle staff. We can hear her teaching you all the way from our tower. ‘Oh, Twilight! Yes!’-- Ow!” Luna flinched as Celestia nipped at her ear once more. “We said to stop biting our ear!”

“This is completely false. Twilight is my faithful student and nothing more. And I wouldn’t have to bite you if you weren’t so rude.”

”Yes, we are aware that we are the fun princess and you are the biting nag.” She tenderly touched her ear, only to clench her teeth and seethe at the pain.

”Let’s just get through this day, please,” Celestia continued. “An ambassador from the griffon trade federation is coming tomorrow, and I have to draft an import proposal. We don’t need to stay here all night.”

”Most excellent,” Luna said, clopping her hooves together giddily. “We are excited to meet this griffon. We have many ideas to bring to the table.”

”....”

”....”

”....”

”What is it, Tia?”

Celestia rubbed the back of her head. ”Listen, Luna, I was thinking. Maybe, well… that it would be easier if I handled this trade dispute alone.”

Luna looked at her sister with an expression of disbelief. ”Sister! Again? You always do this!” She sat on her flank and crossed her hooves in a princess-like pout. “Why are we not allowed at trade negotiations? Are we not a princess?”

Celestia sighed. “Luna, we tried this, remember? Last time we brought you in, you told the Saddle Arabians we were going to invade them if they didn’t sell us their kerosine?”

Luna waved her hooves in disbelief. “Our ponies need kerosine, sister. ‘Tis the lifeblood of Equestria’s lamp industry! How would ponies conduct business during our most beautiful night?”

“By candle? Magic?”

“After they’d tasted the divine blessing of oil lamps? Nay, we should not subject our… subjects to this torture.”

Celestia sighed once more. “Luna, let’s just prepare for day court.”

Luna huffed. “Alright, but this is most certainly not over. We will talk about this later. Now, to get ready. Does our mane look okay?” She pointed to her starry night mane flowing in non-existent breeze, twinkling brightly as if on the clearest night.

“Yes, sister, your hair looks fine,” Celestia said smiling. “The stars are shining, as they say.”

”Good, good. Now, can you tell me…” Luna turned around and lifted her tail. “Does my marehood look presentable?”

”Luna!” Celestia nearly shouted with surprise. She turned her head slightly. “Don’t show me that!”

“Just answer the question. We have an important meeting later that we need to be ready for. A meeting of sorts….”

Celestia grimaced, looking away. Although, for some reason, she felt the need to peak again. Her sisters nether lips stared back, tight and supple as a mare a fraction of her age. “... Why is it so wet?” she finally asked.

“Alas,” Luna began. “We were engaged in the act of self love when the vizier interrupted us.”

“I can’t believe it,” Celestia said.

“We know. He is such a rude pony.”

Celestia simply sighed. “Ew, Luna, please, show some poise. Put your tail down.”

“What? Dost thou not have a marehood?”

“Of course,” answered Celestia. “But I don’t do such lewd things.”

Luna simply laughed. “You jest. We bet when the door is locked, you are far less princess-like than many would believe.”

Celestia watched as her sister winked at her; unfortunately not with her eyes.

“May I present to you...” the vizier announced in a grandiose fashion. “Your Royal Highnesses, Princess Celestia and her sister, Luna!”

“Finally… wait--Her sister? What does he mean by--”

“Shhh, Luna!” Celestia said in a hushed tone but still audible through the door. “Put your tail down!”

But it was too late. The door opened, pulled outwardly by two guards wearing golden barding and feathered-mohawk adorned golden helmets, and the mass of ponies in the audience collectively let out a gasp. It was not often, after all, that one would catch a glimpse of their regent’s pussy.

Luna quickly lowered her tail, perhaps the hint of a blush on her cheeks, and turned back around. Nopony said a word, a few blushing faces dotting the crowd. A pony coughed awkwardly in the corner. Some ponies shifted uncomfortably on their bleachers.

The princesses cantered side by side, toward the middle of the hall, halting before the thrones. Celestia and Luna bowed slightly to the court, as per tradition.

“Thank you, my little ponies,” Celestia began. “Please, be--”

“Be seated,” Luna quickly interrupted.

Celestia rolled her eyes before sighing and turning toward the throne. She sat down, finally relaxing after a long morning of talking up foreign dignitaries and signing trade agreements with the trade federation. Luna, however, gazed grumpily at Celestia and her throne. She looked at her own and clicked her tongue.

Celestia signed again. “What, Luna?”

“It’s just,” she began, kicking a hoof. “Have you ever noticed that your throne is just the tiniest bit taller than my throne?”

“Well, I am taller than you, sister.”

“We know that, of course,” Luna said defensively. “We are the shorter, smaller, and more petit princess, as everypony knows. Some would say, the more classically beautiful of the two. Oh, not to say that you’re not pretty or something along those lines. You’re very beautiful… for a plus-sized princess.”

“Luna!” Celestia snapped. “Don’t you think we could save this for later?”

Luna nodded, turning her head to see the entire congregation of their ponies staring at them. “We suppose the discussion of throne sizes can be held later.” And with that she took a seat on her cushion.

The stallion in the ruffled doublet trotted forward, scroll in hoof, clearing his throat. “I now officially declare the Royal court session of April the 30th, in the 2019th year of our Princess Celestia--”

”And Princess Luna,” the moon princess mumbled quietly as the stallion continued.

“That doesn’t even make any sense, you’re two years younger than me,” Celestia replied in an equally quiet tone.

“It is you who does not make the sense, sister.”

“Luna, can we please just focus on our little ponies?”

The stallion, raising a small bugle to his muzzle and giving it a blow. Luna and Celestia both grimaced as the noise of a dying animal echoed from wall and glass. “... And so, with that,” he continued. “I now open the floor to complainants. Each pony will receive no more than three minutes to air their complaint in order to keep the court moving. Lieutenant Boots, please allow the first waiting pony into the chamber.”

The golden doors opened, and in walked three ponies: a mare in the middle, and two royal guards at her sides. They walked forward slowly, which seemed to put strain on the mare; most likely due to her heavy shackles. The princesses and the audience watched with shock as the mare was almost entirely bound in every way possible. When they finally arrived before Celestia and Luna, the Royal guards removed the retraining pole from around her neck, the hoof cuffs from her forelegs, and finally the muzzle from her muzzle. The mare, almost instantly fell to a bow. The ponies in attendance began to mutter among themselves until Celestia held up a hoof in order of silence.

“What is your name?” Celestia asked with authority.

“Lily Crest, your highness,” she answered.

“And why, Lily, are you in my court today?”

The stallion in the neck ruffle cleared his throat and held up his scroll. “She is here, your highness, from violating a city ordinance yesterday, April the 30th, in the 2019th year of our Princess Celestia--”

“And Princess Luna,” Luna added.

The stallion halted for a moment before continuing. “She broke city ordinance 213, subsection B, part III, which thus follows: a pony must not expel expel trash, rubbish, garbage, or refuse outside of proper receptacle bins within the confines of the city.” He motioned to the mare. “She threw her garbage at a nearby receptacle, and then left it there when she missed.”

Collectively, the audience gasped.

“What?” Celestia asked confusedly. “You mean all of this is for littering? I thought it was just a warning followed by a small fine for repeated offenses. When was this law changed?”

“Ah,” Luna interrupted. “No need to thank me, sister. I have rectified a small error within the writing of that law about a week ago. The law has been reverted to its original form from back in my rule; five years in the dungeon for every piece of litter dropped! Oh, and a caning.”

“Luna,” Celestia said, her hoof smacking her own forehead.

“Your highness,” the mare said, eliciting a scowl from the vizier. “If I may, I’ve come to ask for clemency from the court.” The mare bowed deeply, nearly touching the ground as she did so. She slowly came back up. The poor mare was nearly in tears. “You s-see, Princess, I-I didn’t mean to litter. I-It was an accident. Really! I was watching m-my seven young ones--septuplets, your highness--play in the park; I had recently been l-laid off from my job, and without the father around, I had only the briefest of moments to rest on a park bench while my foals played. I couldn’t necessarily afford a play set for them at home, you see, so we have to go to the park when I get off of work.” Several ponies in the watched with covered muzzles and teary eyes. And aside from the obvious sympathy for the mare being arrested for absolutely nothing whatsoever, Celestia felt a gut-wrenching sorrow for the poor mare who clearly had more on her plate than she could handle.

“Your highness, I know I don’t deserve a pardon, but my poor foals can’t survive without me. I need to work to feed them and put them through school!” She bowed again, tears falling to the ground. “Please, Princess, have mercy on me.”

“Alas,” Luna began, “there is nothing we can do for you. After all, the law is the law. And--”

But she was interrupted by Celestia who held up a hoof. Without a word, the solar princess rose and began to slowly walk down to the bowing mare. The stallions prepared to take action if the mare made a move, but Celestia waved them off. Standing before the mare, the sun princess tapped her on the head softly.

“Rise, my little pony,” she said in a calming voice. “There is no need to be frightened.”

Lily rose to her hooves tentatively, not looking at her princess in the eyes, but obeying her nonetheless.

Celestia turned to the audience, her chest puffed outward mane flowing extra-luxuriously in the ethereal breeze. She began to speak to them in a commanding, grandiose voice: “I declare that this pony’s transgressions against the crown are forgiven!”

This was met with immediate applause. The audience beat their hooves together and on their seats, showing their approval for Celestia’s mercy.

“What?” Luna said, her brow furrowed. “Why are they?....”

Celestia silently turned to her sister and gave her a shit-eating grin before quickly turning back to the court.

“And that is not all,” she said followed by the entire crowd hushing. “I declare that from this day forward, no act of littering shall be punished with more than a stern warning, or a small fine! We will no longer allow the old ways to punish innocent ponies for small mistakes.” The crowd got up from their seats this time, clapping their hooves on the ground while whistling and cheering for their princess. “For that viewpoint is outdated, foalish, and very stupid!”

“Thank you, Princess!” the mare said, tears in her eyes. “I’m eternally grateful! I’ll never litter again as long as I live!” She leaned up and quickly kissed Princess Celestia’s hoof. “I’m going home to take care of my foals!”

The mare departed and the audience was roused into one more round of applause. Celestia humbly accepted the praise, bowing slightly to her ponies which only elicited more applause.

“Isn’t she amazing?” one voice asked in the audience.

“WE LOVE YOU, PRINCESS CELESTIA,” another voice called from a very muscular white pegasus.

“Alright, my little ponies,” Celestia said. “Settle down, settle down… vizier,” she said to the pony in the ruffled collar. “You may allow in the next complainant.”

Celestia moved to sit back down, noticing Luna nearly boiling in her seat. Celestia only smiled and gracefully took her place in the bigger throne.

“I know,” Celestia whispered. “Sometimes it astounds me how much our ponies love me. I just don’t know what gets into them.”

“Hmph,” was all Luna could say as she turned her muzzle the other way.

The crowd fell silent as the large golden doors across the hall were opened. On the other side, a bat pony flanked by two guards trotted forward. The bat pony was a dark shade of gray, sporting an eye-patch and a grizzled, unkempt mane style. His wings, leathery and dry, were torn in a few places. The guards guided him forward until he was directly in front of the princesses.

“Ah, yes,” Luna said. “A thestral. Have no fear, sister, we will take care of this one.” She cleared her throat. “Our little pony,” she said with authority. “What is it that brings thou to thine Princess on this fine day?”

“Your highness,” the vizier interrupted. He bowed and moved forward. “We bring to you, one of the most wanted fugitives in the entire kingdom. This pony goes by many names: the canterlot Vampire, the fruit snatcher, the mango thief, Bitey McGee, and most infamous of all… Ted. It has taken our guard-investigators many years to track him down, catch him and stop his wave of tyranny. We thought, given the high profile of this individual, his sentence should be handed out by one of the regents themselves. He has been charged with theft in the highest degree! None of the mango stands in the entire city have been safe with this one roaming around. Not only has the property damage been uncountable, but he has bitten nearly every mango seller in the city! From my understanding, young foals are told to behave lest they receive a visit by El Vampiro de los mangos.”

Luna stood up slowly and moved down the rising toward the bat thief. He made no movement at all. “That is quite enough, vizier,” she said. Carefully, she gave the bat pony a pat on the head. Suddenly, and without warning, he nipped at her hoof, barely missing as his fanged jaws snapped shut just an inch short of her flesh. The guards on either side of him grabbed his neck aggressively. Shocked, Luna removed her hoof from the biting-zone, but held it up to stop the guards.

“Wait,” she said. “Allow me.” She took a deep breath and looked at the audience with a fiery passion in her eyes. With great majestic quality, she declared: “This bat pony’s transgressions against the crown… are forgiven!” Luna looked up, mouth smiling and eyes elated. But instead of the roar of applause she was expecting, most ponies sat silently, mouths agape.

Shrugging, she moved back to the bat pony. “No longer,” she continued, “will archaic laws disallow our little ponies from supplicating their most basic needs. I know, it might be shocking to some of you, but I do believe that mercy is the way of the future!”

“Princess,” the vizier said worriedly. “This pony has committed vast, vast amounts of crime! I am not questioning you but, I mean… why?”

“Because we are the fairest--and the fairest--of all the princesses in the kingdom, my dear… homosexual. We are simply taking pity on this clearly repentant individual. And how can we be so certain of his guilt? Are you certain that he committed these crimes?”

“Your highness, he has admitted to the crimes!”

“No doubt under duress. We know how quickly royal guard resort to torture to get a confession from innocent ponies.”

“Princess Luna,” the vizier said, “He’s got mango juice and blood on his lips right now. He bit a guard on the way in. Look!”

Luna looked, and there did appear to be both of those juices upon his muzzle. But Luna scoffed. “Regardless, he is at least repentant, no?”

“Repentant?” the vizier asked.

Luna turned to the bat pony. “You, subject, with your newfound freedom, what do you plan to do? Surely after your life of crime, you plan to retire to work a farm and earn a decent, honest living.”

“Depends,” the bat pony said.

“On what, may we ask?”

“You got any mangoes around here?”

Luna paused. “Well, um, what of the biting? Will you do it again?”

“Eh, probably not.”

Luna smiled. “Aha! See? Fully reformed villain,” she turned to Princess Celestia. “Just like what Twilight Sparkle does to all the villains she meets.” She turned back to the bat pony. “Now, away with his bondage! Be free, my pony of the night.”

The guards hesitated, looking at the Princess, then one another. They uniformly shrugged and undid the harnesses on the thestral. Once freed, the thestral rubbed his hooves and turned to Princess Luna.

“Thanks, bitch,” he said smiling.

Luna’s brow furrowed. “Forgive us, disciple, but what does this bitch word mean? We are new to this modern slang, as it were.”

“Oh, uh, it means ‘best princess’, your highness.”

She turned to her sister, beaming brightly. “See? I’m the ‘bitch’, even he says so.” If Celestia smacked her own forehead any harder, she would have had brain damage. The thestral quickly trotted back down the hall and out of the doors. Luna, smiling smugly at her sister as she ascended the steps, sat down in her chair.

“Ahh, yes, our work is quite rewarding, isn’t it?”

Celestia didn’t even look up, her head still leaning against her hoof as she grimaced. “Next in line,” was all she said.

The door opened once more, and unlike the first two times, only one pony stood in wait. She was slow to move, lingering quietly for a brief moment before finally taking a single step forward. Celestia noticed, after finally looking up, that the mare was quite a bit older than the usual pony who visited these chambers. Her wrinkles showed a number of years and experience, and her gait revealed that those years were certainly not easy on her. A green cloak hung loosely to her body, which might have been rather fetching on a younger mare.

Finally, she stopped in front of the princesses, offering a small bow which although small, seemed to put a fair amount of stress on her legs. “Your highnesses,” she said in a gravelly, untamed voice.

“My little pony,” Celestia responded. “How may I serve you?”

“Well,” she began slowly. “I--”

“You, over there,” Luna interrupted, pointing to a guard. “We are hungry. Fetch us snacks.”

“Luna!” Celestia said through her teeth. “Would you stop, you can eat later.”

Luna rolled her eyes. “We cannot help that we are famished, sister. We did not get to eat a full breakfast.”

“And whose fault is that?” Celestia asked. “You refused to eat the blueberry salad that was prepared for us.”

“Princesses--” the older mare attempted to interject, only to be interrupted once more.

“We hate blueberries. Which, we know, the irony is not lost on us. But they are foul, disgusting little fruits meant for the peasantry. Cast them into the fire! We cannot stand them. Just as you, sister, cannot stand the common banana!”

“Can’t you see you’re being rude to this old mare! Erm, I mean… this experienced mare.” Celestia turned slightly red as she gave ‘sorry eyes’ to the complainer.

“See!” Luna said, “it is you who is rude! Commenting on this mare’s unseemly appearance like that. For shame, Celestia. Perhaps it is us who should ban you from taking part in important meetings with foreign ambassadors!”

“Luna, for the last time!” Celestia said. “You can’t take part in these meetings because you asked me ‘where I hid the economy’ the other day.”

Luna rose sharply. She stamped a hoof down. “We will find this economy wherever you have hidden it, and we will steal its secrets!”

The audience whispered among themselves as the vizier held up his hooves to get them under control. What started out as a hushed argument between sisters had suddenly turned into a shouting match.

“I would just like to--” the peasant mare tried to say, but once again she was cut off.

“After one thousand years on the moon, you are still just a foal.”

“Oh!” Luna said, wide-eyed and flailing her forelegs around. “We cannot believe that you just went there!” She huffed. “You should recall, lest we all forget, that it was you who put us up there! Your own sister, on the moon for a thousand years.”

Celestia was shouting now. “You were evil! And trying to keep the moon out forever!”

“So?” Luna asked, crossing her forelegs. “What’s so evil about keeping the moon out forever?”

Celestia’s mouth hung open. “Luna, all of our crops would die without the sun. We would all starve to death!”

“Pfft… says you.”

“Princesses, Princesses…” the older mare spoke, finally receiving their attentions. “Please do not fight. Sisters should never fight.”

Luna huffed and turned her head. “It is not a ‘fight’. That would imply my sister has a fair point.”

Celestia shook her head, eyes wide. “Luna, you are entirely unreasonable!”

The two sisters continued their back and forth. The mare shook her head and clicked her tongue. “I have come here with a problem that needed to be solved… but it appears that my problem is a single drop in a thunderstorm. You are sisters, you should not be fighting,” she pleaded without being heard. “This path only ends in pain. I know this because I, too, once had a sister. And oh did we fight. We argued over simple things, small and insignificant. And never once did we agree on something.” She paused. “But then our mother, wise as she was, gave us an amazing gift. A gift I will now give to you--”

The vizier put a hoof up. “I’m sorry,” he said. “But your time with the princesses is over. Please leave through the doors, and if you would like, come back another day.”

The mare simply smiled, her horn lighting up before sparking. Celestia and Luna felt a small jolt, but nothing painful or entirely too noticeable. It could have simply been mistaken as a small shiver up the spine, or a static shock to their legs. They were too busy arguing to even hear the mare.

The mare bowed her head. “I hope your highnesses will find better days to come.” And with that, the guard escorted her out of the hall. Celestia and Luna continued to not look at each other, giving advice and helping ponies separately for the rest of the court. Nothing of note happened; although, both sisters felt odd for some reason. Neither knew why, but there was certainly something curious about the way they felt. But both chose to ignore it completely.

“... And thus concludes today’s court!” announced the vizier. “Thank you to all the ponies, nobles and commoners, who have attended this evening. The next court session will be on Monday, the 8th of May!” There was a smattering of applause, but most ponies had already gotten up and moved toward the exit. The vizier turned back to Celestia and Luna and then bowed.

“Your highnesses,” he began. “Would you like me to prepare the dining hall for supper?”

Celestia shook her head. “That would not be necessary. Judging by how my sister,” she turned her head and glared at Luna, “decided to loudly eat in the middle of court, she is not going to eat dinner. And I believe I will retreat to my quarters to rest. I’m not very hungry.”

Luna rolled her eyes. “Spoiled my dinner, hm? You sound just like mother.” She turned to the vizier. “On an unrelated note, vizier, I do not require dinner, thank you.”

Both sisters rose simultaneously and trotted off in opposite directions. As Celestia trotted through the oak door, she gave one last huff. “Brat,” she muttered. Luna always seemed to push her buttons. She was ridiculous and old fashioned and refused to understand any reasoning whatsoever. Why did she get stuck with somepony so bullheaded as a sister? Sometimes, she thought to herself, she regretted not making Luna’s trip to the moon just a few years longer.

As she rounded the corner and trotted past a pair of saluting guards, however, she softened. No, she shouldn’t think things like that. Luna was her sister, and no matter what she should always stick with her. And sending her to the moon was just pushing the problem to a later date. They should have a talk; maybe she could introduce some tutors disguised as ‘advisors’. Then perhaps her sister wouldn’t be so ignorant. It was undeniable that much had changed over the past thousand years. It was understandable how Luna would be so far behind. And, even though Celestia wanted to deny it, she couldn’t help but realize that she was partially to blame.

But it didn’t help that Luna has always been difficult. That was just her way of dealing with things.

Celestia’s bed chambers were in the tower opposite to Luna’s. And if one stood on the balcony, and another stood on Luna’s balcony, they could even wave at each other. It was a pleasant thought that Luna and her would be seperate, but in some ways together. They were a pair, after all. As Celestia stood before her bedroom door, the guards saluted and opened it up for her.

“Thank you,” she said. “I should ask that no one disturbs me during the night. Let nopony enter this room.”

“Yes, your highness,” one guard responded. And with that, Celestia entered her living quarters.

She quickly pushed any thought of Luna out of her mind. Now was not the time to bellyache over her sibling. It was time to pamper herself. She was relatively simple when it came to sleeping arrangements. Instead of a large, four-banister bed with an expensive wood frame and large mattress--in other words, a bed befitting a princess--she chose to sleep on a circular futon that was fitted into a foot-deep cove near the fireplace. Here she could sit by the fire on cold winter night, or even read under the moonlight.

Which is exactly what she chose to do. Grabbing a book, she laid down on her bed, making sure to stuff a few pillows under her back and under her head. Sighing, she smiled, and she drifted away into a world of novel fantasy.

“Prude!” Luna seethed, not so much under her breath. Celestia was such a goody-goody two-horseshoes pony with her head up her own butt. And she never once allowed Luna to exert her regal power over the kingdom since she had returned. No extensive talks with yak ambassadors, no permanent changes to laws, not even one public lashing. It was as if the pony she knew back in the day had completely changed and left her behind.

Maybe that’s exactly what happened, Luna thought.

But she shook her head. None of that. Not tonight.

Luna rounded the corner and came to the doors to her room. As she arrived, two thestral guards saluted. “No entry to our room. Understood?”

“Yes, your highness.” And with that, the guards opened the double doors to Luna’s shadowy quarters. The natural moonlight lit up most of the room with the help of a few spells to light up the darker corners. It was how Luna preferred to live; except when she liked to read, and then she brought out the amazing kerosine lamp. It certainly was a godsend, she believed.

But tonight was not a reading night. No, something was far more important at the moment. Luna had to cum, and she needed to cum now.

“Alright,” she said to herself. “Time for a little ‘princess time’.” Luna went to her bed and hopped up, throwing off her hoof braces and crown unceremoniously onto the ground “Finally, time to blow the steam…” she said.

Luna leaned back on a pillow and spread her legs apart. Below, a pair of soft lips were nestled in between Luna’s dripping thighs. For a moment, Luna was confused, because despite the fact she was incredibly horny, and her fur was slick, her pussy didn’t appear wet at all. In fact, they didn’t look nearly as dark as usual. Perhaps this was because of how horny she was. She took one hoof and placed it on the side of her vulva, spreading them out slowly, revealing her pink insides and winking clit.

“Hmm,” she said. “You’re looking a little bit bigger tonight, aren’t you?”

Her clit winked as if in response.

“Oh, shh, shh, shh… I know. You must feel all pent up. Well, don’t you worry~” she reached down and began to stroke. “We are most certainly going to fix that.”

Celestia nearly screamed. Her eyes went wide, and her coat blanched if it was even capable of such a thing. Her legs instantly opened and her eyes darted down to her pussy. It didn’t look like anything was wrong. But it was a bit too dark to see down there completely. After all, it was almost entirely dark in her room. She had accidentally blown out the candle which she had placed nearby.

“Wha--” was all she could say. Did something just touch her down there? It felt like something her lips were moving. She quickly looked around, seeing if anypony was in the room with her. A spy, possibly? An assassin? She nearly called the guards, but she stopped herself. No, she was alone. There were spells on the room that would inform her otherwise.

“Huh… I suppose it must have been a muscle cramp.” She shook herself and picked up her novel once again. It was just getting to the exciting part, too. The stallion knight had finally saved the princess and was about to kiss her.

But just as she turned the page, her stomach sank. “Ah!” she shouted, throwing her legs open again. “Ah! Wha-- Ungh!” she couldn’t even speak a word, let alone a sentence. Her pussy, as she watched it, did nothing but wink. That was not so unusual, but what very strange was feeling of somepony rubbing her clitoris and vulva like a foal petting their pet pussycat.

Celestia tried to shout to her guards, but only a soft moan fell from her mouth. Her throat was too busy providing husky moans and grunts to match the amount of pleasure she was receiving.

She gathered herself, trying to ignore the pleasure. She needed to figure out what was happening! Taking her hooves, she spread her pussy lips apart to look inside. What she saw was surprising; her pussy was absolutely soaked. It was, perhaps, the wettest she had ever seen her pussy. Her pink insides were absolutely dripping with mare juices as they fell to her clean sheets, soiling them with pheromone laced vaginal essence.

And then suddenly, it stopped.

Celestia panted, leaning backward on her pile of pillows, legs spread to reveal her shame to the world. “Wha-... ahhhh! What was...?” Her stomach was aflutter and her mind was in a daze. It was undeniable that she was dangerously close to orgasm when the rubbing stopped. A part of her was thankful that the violation had ceased, but another part of her wished that it had gone on just a moment longer.

She looked down, over her stomach as it rose and fell with heavy breath.

“I think… I think it’s over….”

She sighed.

Luna dug in. Her slit wasn’t as wet as usual, but that was no problem. She was a prolific squirter, and a few strokes would get the gears running no problem. She laid back onto her pillows, moaning at the feeling of….

“Hmm,” she grunted. “‘Tis not as sensitive as usual.”

Luna spread her vulva apart and stroked her clit directly.

“....”

She stroked harder, the moisture now beginning to build on her hoof and in her cunt.

“Ugh, mmm…” she rubbed in a circle. She rubbed from left to right. She rubbed up and down.

“Argh! Why doth mine pussy not feel pleasure!” Finally, Luna quit rubbing. Her fleshy vulva were more engorged now, showing their wetness, and even winking as if taunting the princess. Luna grinded her teeth together, the desire for pleasure burning within her.

“Okay, clitoris, if thou wants to play rough, we shall play it rough!”

Luna rolled off the bed and onto her hooves, stomping toward a small dresser in the corner. She threw open the bottom drawer revealing a variety of silicon phalluses and vibrating toys all meant to pleasure a beautiful princess, or so the salespony said. She rifled through the articles, picking up a rather large dildo before nodding and tossing it over onto her bed. She went back to the drawer and once again pulled out a toy, this time a small vibrating wand that she tested. It buzzed to life, and Luna smiled deviously.

Returning to her bed, Luna laid back down on her pillow pile and reached for a toy. Spreading her legs, she looked down at her pussy. “I command thee, vagina!” She placed the vibrating wand against her clitoral hood. “Thou shalt cum!”

And with that, she turned on the vibration.

“Ahhh haahhhh aaaaahhh!!” Celestia moaned as her pussy went pulses of pleasure throughout her body. She couldn’t speak, let alone breathe. “Whyyyyyyyyy… ungh!”

Princess Celestia writhed in pleasure, rolling over onto all fours and for the briefest moment, attempting to stand up. However, her legs wobbled and she faltered back down. Her legs were jello, and there was simply nothing she could do about it.

Her pleasure was rising, she could feel it growing within.

“Gah… ah!” She slammed her thighs together as they shook uncontrollably.

“N-No! I sh-shouldn’t… D-Don’t c-cum… d-don’t cummmm… ungh!”

Celestia had made the decision long ago to become perfectly chaste. It was how a princess must behave. In this way, ponies could look up to her as a pure being, one worthy of being followed. But all those years of never giving in to her basic urges had been dashed away as her needy pussy winked and throbbed with the orgasm that had been built up for so long.

Her breath caught in her throat and her pussy seized, clit winking uncontrollably. For the first time in years, completely out of her own control, Princess Celestia came. And she came hard.

The last thing she felt before she blacked out was the largest orgasm of her life taking hold of her body in a way that she could have never even imagined.

“Come on!” Luna shouted. “Cum, dammit! Feel something, anything!” She rubbed the vibrator up and down her slit, pressing it against her clit whenever she winked.

“Useless pussy! Why can’t we feel--”

And just when Luna was about to remove the vibrator, a jet of marecum rushed out of her pussy, squirting all over her thighs, sheets, and bed. It was a solid jet, lasting more than a few seconds, soaking practically everything in its path with hot, sticky mare juice.

“... anything?”

She removed the vibrating wand, inspecting her slit for anything that might help her uncover this mystery. Her brow furrowed. “Did we just… squirt?”

Luna leaned over and sniffed the puddle that had accumulated beneath her. “Hmm… it certainly smells so. Though, it does smell odd.” She licked the small puddle. “Hmm, it tastes odd as well. Most unusual.” Continuing her investigation, she reached for a kerosine lamp on her bedside table and twisted the knob to unleash the light. “Miracle oil,” she said, “reveal to me my marehood’s secrets!”

As she lowered the light, it suddenly dawned on her that something was very wrong. Her pussy was usually a slightly darker shade than her coat, but she nearly gasped as she noticed it was almost pink!

“Pink? Alas! We are stricken with an ailment! Our beautiful, beautiful princess-hood has been tainted!” She swiftly rolled off the bed, galloping to the door. She threw the doors open, much to the surprise of the guards outside.

“Your highness?”

“Wake the gynecologist! We have an emergency!”