Pushing open the door to the balcony, Twilight Sparkle stepped out into the cool night air. Quietly making her way towards the railing, she heard the sounds of the party fade away as the door swung shut behind her.
She finally had a moment to herself to digest what had transpired.
Sitting back on her haunches, she crossed her forelegs on the railing in front of her before resting her head on top of them and gazing up at the star filled sky. On a normal evening, she’d be tempted to name the constellations, challenging herself to map out the sky. But this was not a normal evening and she had not snuck out here to star gaze.
As the Princess of Friendship, she had many times over learned the value of having her friends support during hard times. But the solitary unicorn buried inside of her, still needed a quiet moment to wrap her head around some hard facts. Old habits as it were.
Sighing to herself she closed her eyes. It had been a close call. All of Equestria had depended on her. Not just to defeat Sombra but to keep them safe. In the end, if it hadn’t been for Discord... the purple alicorn shuddered at the thought.
Princess Twilight Sparkle had once again made the wrong decision.
“Just like Tirek.” She whispered to herself, as tears began to stream down her face.
No sobs came. She cried quietly, internally chastising herself. Releasing the feelings she had pent up inside, the princess wondered if she’d truly ever be able to make that particular hard decision or if she would forever put her friends' and families' lives before the fate of Equestria.
Her ears twitched when the renewed sounds of the party behind her alerted her to the fact that she was no longer alone. It didn’t surprise her in the least that somepony had come out to check on her. Nor was it a shock who that somepony was. She had known that presence most of her life after all so it came as second nature identifying her now.
“Enjoying the evening air Twilight?”
Of course, she’d start the conversation there with a perfectly neutral question. Centuries of practice, as it were. The purple princess managed to make a noncommittal noise in reply, hoping it hadn’t come across as strangled as it had sounded to her own ears.
“Twilight? Are you... alright?” A few cautious steps closer. The concern in her tone evident. Just the perfect amount really.
‘How could I ever replace that?’
Wiping at her eyes though it was pointless to do so, Twilight sighed in defeat. It was not like she could lie to the princess of honesty. “No.” She admitted glumly. “Not really.”
A measured breath before the response began. “If this is about what happened today...”
“Of course, it’s about what happened today!” Twilight interrupted with frustration. The princess’ calm demeanor irritating on her already frayed patience. “I made the wrong choice!”
“I told you that I forgave you. Ultimately, you saved all of Equestria.”
“But I messed up. I put my own needs ahead of the needs of Equestria.” The tears were running in rivers down her face freely now. “Again.”
“Tirek?” The question was spoken so softly it almost didn’t register.
“Yes, Tirek!” The alicorn turned and confronted her mentor. “I did the same thing again. My family, my friends, they always come first. I’m the Princess of Friendship. How could they not? But that’s just it. The good of the many - it’s just not in me. Maybe a long time from now it will be different. If I don’t grow close... they can’t be used against me...” the sobs were now shaking her body as she tried to explain her weakness.
“Twilight, loving your friends and family is not a disadvantage...”
“It is, if I’m meant to be like you!”
There it was. Silence met her proclamation. She had said the words, tossed them out there like an incendiary device.
“I... I never wanted you to be like me...”
The look she shot the princess silenced her.
“Princess Twilight Sparkle, I’m retiring now. Oh, by the way, here’s Equestria. Don’t fail me my star pupil.” The sarcasm dripping from the words could have formed puddles.
“I have already apologized for not preparing you for my announcement. But you had to expect this...”
“No! No, I never anticipated this. It dawned on me I might be your apprentice, your mage maybe, but not your successor.”
“I am sorry it came as a shock to you but who else could possibly take over, if not you?”
“Cadence?”
“Princess Mi Amore Cadenza is in charge of the Crystal Empire...”
“Exactly! She has far more experience than I do! Why on earth would you have me take over... everything? With no training!”
“But you have experience. You’ve learned so much in Ponyville! Even opened your own school.”
“Just like you.” The words were so quiet they brought Celestia up short.
Silence hung between them for what felt like eons before it was finally broken.
“Are you telling me you don’t want to take over for me?” Her tone was filled with hurt.
“No.” The junior princess said quietly, her tone one of defeat. Twilight turned back toward the balcony ledge with her ears down. There had been no hesitation in her response.
“No?” Incredulity present in the older alicorn’s tone.
‘She must be slipping.’ Twilight thought ruefully.
“No.” She let a sigh escape. “I promised you I would take over and I will. You deserve the chance to retire. You have done so much for Equestria. Both you and Luna have… given so much. But you, you especially, have done so many things for all of us. For me. If I can give anything back to you, I wouldn’t hesitate.”
Celestia wasn’t expecting that response. It didn’t sit well in her gut, though, in all fairness, it should not have come as a shock. Twilight had always gone above and beyond in everything she did in order to please her teacher. But in this, that same level of dedication, felt wrong. Leadership should not be undertaken as payment of a debt. Yet, hadn't she encouraged and fostered this quality in her student for this very reason? In theory, yes. Laid out in front of her, however, was another matter.
Celestia realized that she had no idea what to say. The long pause that followed was broken when Twilight spoke.
“There is one thing. A favor I must ask of you.”
The purple mare looked so small in that moment, Celestia wanted nothing more than to scoop her up and hold her, as she had done countless times when Twilight was a filly. But the regal alicorn did not move.
“I will take over for you. I will do my best to make the right decisions. I will try as hard as I am able to keep Equestria safe.” The younger alicorn sniffed. “But there’s one thing I need to ask. I’ll beg if you want me to…”
The silence after that statement hung in the air, hovering over them as if it were a real thing. The tension was heavy. Finally, the older mare couldn’t take it any longer.
“What would you have of me?”
“Please don’t make me come back here.” Twilight pleaded; pain evident in her cracking voice. “I’ll take over, I’ll do whatever needs to be done, just... please don’t make me come back to your castle.”
“My castle?” Gone was the calm collected demeanor. Gone was the steady regal voice. “Wh-What...wh-why...”
“I-i-I can’t be here. It’s so... cold and hollow and empty. The two thrones are yours and Luna’s.They are meant for the two sisters...”
Celestia could not hold her tongue, “But you grew up here? I don’t understand.”
“I know I grew up here. But that was with you.” Shaking her purple head, Twilight managed a strained glance at her former teacher. “Everywhere I looked I expect to see you. Sitting on your throne holding court. Reading in the library with your little glasses. Strolling through the gardens. Enjoying cake in your private waiting room.” Twilight’s eyes were fierce. “Everywhere I look, I see the absence of you. I can’t...I just can’t be here alone. Not without you.”
“B-but you are not alone, I mean, y-your fr-friends...”
“They can’t always be here. They try a-and I'm grateful. They were, they ARE, a huge help and support, but they have their own lives. Applejack has the farm. Rarity her boutiques. Fluttershy her animals. Rainbow Dash the WonderBolts. And Pinkie Pie has the Cakes and Yakyakistan. I can’t expect them to be here all the time.”
Staring down at her hooves for a moment as tears ran down her muzzle, Twilight tried to hold back the words. Failing, she trembled for a moment before giving her mentor a pointed look. “And they won’t be here forever.”
There it was. The pain in that statement and the anger in her pupil’s eyes caught Celestia off guard. She had been wondering when that particular topic would come up. Swallowing hard, she realized she was not ready to address it. Frankly, she wasn’t sure she’d ever be ready.
But Twilight surprised her and let the matter drop.
“I... know it’s a lot to ask. You built this place, this city, to be the center of Equestria. It will be hard for the ponies to understand...” Twilight looked at Celestia, pleading with her to see.
Celestia watched a single tear slowly trail down Twilight's muzzle. Her insides were ripe with worry, apprehension, and another feeling she was loathe to address. Why was Twilight asking this of her? This, of all things.
As if in answer, Twilight spoke.
“I just can’t be here without you.”
The words were simple. The emotions behind them complex.
Celestia felt her heart wrench. Part of her wanted to pull her former student into an embrace. The other part had been trained too long in formality and appearances. It was such a battle that she attempted to take a step forward and stumbled.
Somehow, it was Twilight who caught her and pulled her into an embrace.
‘She’s taller,’ the thought registered in her mind fleetingly. It was an odd one to have at this moment. It was perhaps even stranger for the sun goddess to discover that she was also crying.
“It’s just a house...” she began, surprising herself that she had in fact spoken.
Twilight pulled her face back, glaring into Celestia’s eyes, “No! It isn’t! Without you it’s nothing! It’s empty. It-it-it...”
Her former pupil began to shake and sob in earnest. Celestia pulled her closer, nuzzling her gently. A noise registered in her ears. It was Twilight. She kept repeating “please.” Something inside of Celestia broke and she too began sobbing.
“You don’t have to stay here Twilight. It’s just a house. Just a place. It’s ok.” The words spilled out of her mouth in a soothing tone. Over and over she repeated them until the smaller alicorn stopped shaking. Deep purple eyes peered up at her forlornly.
There was only one way to fix this. Simultaneously, they spoke.
“I need you to understand.” “Just let me show you.”
Horns lit, they touched tips, and inadvertently crossed their magic.
Twilight had meant for Celestia to see how hard it had been for her in the empty castle. Celestia has meant to show Twilight how Canterlot had come to be. Instead, they shared so much more.
The alicorns were enmeshed in each other’s memories.
Celestia didn’t just see, she experienced all of Twilight’s memories of their interactions, from their first encounters to tonight on the balcony. She felt the young unicorn’s awe from their initial meetings develop into admiration, trust, and respect.
All of Twilight’s emotions rained down on Celestia as the memories flickered through her mind. Their shared history, scrutinized under the experienced eye of the eternal alicorn, began to weave a tale that the older mare could scarcely believe. As the memories continued, the meaning behind Twilight’s feelings became clearer. What started as awe and admiration for a teacher and a leader changed into the love and respect of a friend and mentor. Then that love evolved into something far deeper.
The realization that Twilight Sparkle was in love with her, made Celestia’s heart race and her stomach fill with metaphorical butterflies. It wasn’t the innocent, naive love of a filly or even the lust-driven urges of a mare in heat. This was different, far greater, far more meaningful. As Equestria revolved around the sun, Twilight Sparkle revolved around Celestia.
While Celestia was coming to understand the state of emotions of her favorite pupil, Twilight was experiencing their connection from Celestia’s perspective. Though her teacher’s memories began much farther back.
It all started with the agony of banishing her sister. While Twilight knew the story, Celestia had glazed over the emotional toll it had taken on her. Feeling her mentor’s pain, as Celestia lay on the ground sobbing inconsolably in the aftermath of using the Elements of Harmony, the purple alicorn was overwhelmed. The agony was unbearable. She cried right along with her teacher.
Then the scene passed, the hurt, though still present, was somehow more manageable, having been sequestered into a corner of Celestia’s subconscious and dulled by the advancement of time. But Celestia's memory of her sister, of their shared failure, weighed on the princess of the sun. It clouded all her judgments and was a determining factor in every decision she made, including the rebuilding of the capital of Equestria in Canterlot.
Most memories sped by in a blur, glimpses of decisions made in connection with the castle. Then some would slow down and the impressions would be clearer. Those memories were stronger, easier to see, to feel. The installation of the two thrones and the decoration decisions for her sister’s room were quite vivid. Those particular days had ended in sobs.
Years of memories flew by, centuries filled with research on how to bring her sister back. The notes and data culminating in a realization that whether by choice or not, Nightmare Moon would return one day.
It was that realization that led Celestia to try and find someone to help her. With Starswirl gone, there was nothing else to do but seek out a unicorn with the magic to help. After testing the adult ponies and finding none with the powers to assist, Celestia realized her only choice was to discover new talent. So, she built the school for the best and brightest unicorns, hoping that the right protégé would appear. One by one the mentored students sped past in Twilight’s mind via the shared memories, until finally slowing and stopping on a familiar tiny purple filly.
Celestia’s memory filled with the blinding white light of the tiny pony’s eyes, as the little unicorn hovered in the air, turning her parents into plants and hatching a dragon’s egg that had sat unmotivated for hundreds of years. Something inside Celestia leapt for joy. There was no doubt this was the pony she had been searching for, the one who would bring back her sister. The one that would repair the gaping wound in her heart.
The recollections that followed were shared memories. Their first teaching lesson. The many that followed. The questions upon questions that Twilight had raised to her mentor. Seeing them from Princess Celestia’s perspective, experiencing what the sun goddess had felt in those moments, was both exhilarating and awkward for the purple alicorn. There was nothing for her to do about her past behaviors after all, but as she watched, she noticed something. Celestia's interest began academically. It seemed that even while she taught Twilight, she tried to keep some emotional distance between them. But in reliving Celestia's emotions, the purple princess could feel that change with every one of their interactions. Their connection grew even as Twilight's propensity for magic grew.
The memories once again began to slow. As the day prophesied for Nightmare Moon’s return grew closer and closer, more and more moments of Celestia worrying entered Twilight’s mind. Where the sole focus before had been finding a way to save her sister, now the monarch was torn. The safety of her prized pupil weighed heavily on her heart. When the letter arrived from Twilight, she took that as the sign she’d been waiting for and acted on it accordingly. Not chancing a meeting with her student for fear she would second guess all that would transpire, she sent Twilight directly to Ponyville before retiring to her chambers to sob her heart out.
The feelings that followed Nightmare Moon's return were confusing and raw for the younger alicorn as she experienced the events from Celestia’s perspective. Twilight wondered how the princess had survived the emotional toll of the experience.
Before she could think too long on it though, she felt the overwhelming joy Celestia had experienced upon seeing her sister again for the first time in a thousand years. Luna had been returned to her.
The joy wasn't just reserved for their reunion. Celestia's heart was full knowing her beloved student was safe. Not only had Twilight succeeded in saving Luna, but she had also reunited the Elements of Harmony. Celestia's cup runneth over. All would be well.
Celestia's heart was mended.
And as it was mended, it was able to open up again, to reach out again, to dream again. Underneath all of the joy in the moment, all of the celebration and fulfillment, something else in Celestia's heart began to grow. It silently waited, biding its time.
The memories that followed, even the painful ones, brought more energy to it, more life. Each interaction made it stronger, deeper, more meaningful.
Their shared experiences flashed through the purple pony’s mind. In every situation, whatever Celestia asked of her student, Twilight delivered. And that tiny feeling, that hidden part of the sun princess' heart, grew bigger and more vocal.
Until this very evening, when Celestia finally acknowledged that the little seed had now blossomed fully, not only in herself, but in her beloved protégé.
With shock, Twilight realized what it was.
Celestia was in love with her.
And Twilight, finally understood, that she felt the same.
Author's Note
This is my first MLP fan fiction. It's kind of angsty. Hope you like it. Please let me know. Cheers!
