Chapters Every changeling fanfic ever!
Before we begin I'd just like to say that I'm sick of changeling fanfictions. They're all the fucking same. So this is my take on the most overused plot device since human in equestria stories. A changeling getting flung into one of the mane six's house.
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Bob Saget the changeling was flying away from canterlot. Unfortunately for her she wasn't flying by choice, she had been flung off towards Ponyville after shining arsehole and his fucking wife, the all powerful what's her name used the power of love, which is apparently stronger than what is essentially a goddess, and created a magical pink super ball that really fucked up chrysalis's shit.
Well fuck me. Bob Saget thought to herself. I guess if I'm going to die, it may as well be in the cheesiest way possible, fuckin power of love was apparently the only way to kill creatures that feed off of love.
Bob Saget flew through the air, eventually crashing into a large tree. But the tree was actually twilight sparkle's house.
The roof gave way and bob fell through it, landing with a hard thud on the floor below.
" Oh fucking shit in a monkey's ear my leg!" screamed Bob Saget.
Bob Saget turned to see, and I know this doesn't sync with the show chronologically, Twilight Sparkle.
" A changeling," she said in the most out of character way possible.
" Please help me my leg is broken," Bob Saget pleaded, " slut."
" Well the real twilight sparkle would probably be responsible enough to turn you in but for the sake of this crappy story I guess I'll help you."
Then Rainbow Dash crashed through the door.
" Twilight let's have sex because I am a lesbian and/or homosexual!"
" Okay Rainbow Dash, I will have sex with you because I am as well also a homosexual and/or lesbian!"
And they began to make out until rainbow dash saw the changeling that twilight had.
" what the heck is with a changeling doing in here?"
" I am taking care of it because I am sexy."
" But changelings are evil."
" No we aren't. Us changelings need to feed on love to survive. The reason we had to invade equestria is because everyone shuns us. We are literally starving to death and all you people do is try to extinguish our existence. We eat to survive, and now we are starving because no one will love us."
" I now see the folly of my ways " dash said.
Just then Bob Saget turned her head and saw a paper cup. She ignored it completely.
Suddenly a rhino... Nah that's stupid, oh fuck did I type that? Oh who cares it's my lame ass story.
" Still I really think we should talk it over with the rest of the mane six!"
" Dash stop calling it that, it's never going to catch on."
Twilight jumped on rainbow dash's back and they flew up through the hole in the ceiling and into the sky.
Twilight pulled out a megaphone.
" Elements of harmony. Asseeeemmmmbleee!!!" she yelled, spreading the message throughout the entirety of Ponyville.
Then they flew back through the hole and landed in front of Bob Saget.
" Nice anchorman reference," said bob saget with her voice oozing sarcasm," what's next a reference to Conker's bad fur day?"
" Why I oughta-"
" Clam it chowderheads our friends are coming."
Indeed they were. One by one the rest of the elements of harmony walked into the tree house whilst looking for chairs to sit in. Once they all realised that since they were ponies chairs would be impractical and dumb they sat on the floor huddled around twilight.
"What did you call us for boss?"
"I'm glad you asked applejack. Now this changeling fell into my home and was badly injured. I want to keep it here and nurse it back to health but I want to know what you think."
So they squabbled and argued about what to do with the changeling, eventually deciding to keep it and take care of it.
No dialougue cause I'm lazy.
"Now that that's been decided I think we should all go home and wait for the plot to develope," said Twilight.
So one by one everyone except Spike, Twilight, and Bob Saget sauntered out of the treehouse and towards their respective homes.
Then Twilight showed Bob saget to the guest room and went to sleep.
BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG
Twilight was suddenly awakened by a loud banging noise coming from downstairs. She quickly backflipped out of bed, ran into the bathroom to brush her mane, made coffee, woke up Bob Saget, made pancakes, fed spike, ate the pancakes, took a dump and did about a million other things that would take way too long to happen between her waking up and getting to the door. After she was done being more energetic than Pinkie Pie even though she had just woken up and this was therefore impossible she eventually made her way to the door.
Prior to opening it however she turned toward Bob Saget who was merely standing there looking more confused than was appropriate for the current situation.
"Quickly go hide,"she said just loud enough for the person on the other side of the door to hear.
Bob Saget turned and ran up the stairs as quickly as she could, which was about a half mile per our due to her broken ass leg.Twilight stood there for literally ten minutes waiting for Bob to hurry her ass up the stairs.
After Bob was safely in her guest room, Twilight turned to the door and opened it.Only to see an enormous member of the royal guard staring at her menacingly while wearing a clown wig.
"Excuse me miss Sparkle, but we have recieved eyewitness reports that a changeling fell into your house in the middle of broad daylight which really seems like an important point to miss. I mean there's hundreds of ponies here, and they can't all go to the wedding so naturally there'd be a large remainder of ponies who weren't invited. Besides a large object crashing into a house isn't easy to miss so from a logical point of view anypony would have seen it."
twilight's heart sank.
Every changeling fanfic ever!
Twilight Sparkle was relaxing in her brand new hammock, it had been three weeks since she had blamed all of her wrongdoings on Bob, and now she was sunbathing, despite the fact that her fur made it impossible to tan herself. Realizing she was just sitting in the hot sun for no reason, Twilight got up and walked back into her treehouse.
"Spike," she yelled.
"What is it twi-erm I mean Lord Twilight Sparkle, ruler of the seven dimensions."
"Good job catching yourself Spike, I didn't even have to hit you this time."
"Gee, thanks."
Twilight walked up to Spike and hit him upside the head.
"OW, what was that for," Spike asked, while rubbing his head.
"Just because I don't need to hit you doesn't mean I don't want to."
"But I didn't do anything,"
Twilight looked at Spike and then began screaming nonsense words at him, engulfing him in her magic and throwing him at a bookshelf. Before she could further lay the smackdown on his candy ass Twilight heard a knock at the door. She walked really fast to the door and opened it. On the other side was Rarity.
"Oh goodness Twilight, you simply must hep, the entire town has been engulfed in chaos, everyone seems to think there are changelings among us!"
"Wow, and to think we just stopped that evil Bob Saget, he probably would have gotten away with it too, if it weren't for us meddling kids, and that dragon."
"I was wondering if you knew some kind of spell to detect changelings, I'd do it but I'm just a normal unicorn, mmaking me the most pointless character on the show."
Twilight used her magic to pull down a satelite from space and crush Rarity with it.
"Thank you Twilight, you're a great friend," Rarity said in her dying breath.
"No problem," Twilight then ran into the middle of the rioting ponies and used a spell to amplify her voice," CITIZENS OF PONYVILLE, oh sorry, I had that set to Luna," Twilight flicked a switch on her horn," EVERYONE LISTEN, I KNOW THAT THE POSSIBILITY OF A CHANGELING ATTACK HAS INCREASES ANIMOSITY TOWARDS EACH OTHER, BUT DON'T WORRY,I WILL NOW CAST A SPELL TO REVEAL ALL OF THE CHANGELINGS."
Twilight channeled all of the magical energy she could muster, and then fired it at the entire crowd, spreading a bright light over all of Ponyville. When the light dissipated Twilight opened her eyes and looked on in horror.
Everyone had been a changeling the entire time.
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This story is totally canon.
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Every changeling fanfic ever!
Twilight is a psycho apparently, and Celestia is way too forgiving.
This chapter will take different route than the previous.
Now with 63% more tedium.
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" White Mage down!"
"Out of mana!!!"
"AAAAHHHH!!!"
Twilight had just opened the door to reveal the super surprising fact that somepony had seen Bob Saget fall from the sky in BROAD FUCKING DAYLIGHT!!! I'm not shitting you! I've read many a changeling fanfic, and only two or three had the intelligence to at least make the first scene that takes place at NIGHT!!! Ya know I wouldn't be so pissed off and sarcastic if people remembered the subtle things, because what seems subtle to you pops out to me.
It's basically if subtle were spelled like this.
SUBTLE!!!!!!
Jontron reference aside, let us continue.
" Hey Twilight I've got an idea, let's go batshit insane and attack this guard."
" That never happened in any changeling fanfic I read..."
" Whatever man. My readers are stupid losers anyway so they won't know the difference."
" Oh okay."
"Uh guys? I'm still here... And I brought backup. Honestly what do you take us for? Idiots? We're Celestia's royal guard. Even if she wasn't suspicious of Twilight personally, she would have at least considered the possibility of a hostage situation, I mean she's only been princess for a whole millenium after all."
Twilight, acting against every aspect of her personality, charged the men and brought Bob and Rainbow Dash into the fray with her. Needless to say they were swarmed by guards and arrested in less than a minute. The guards quickly loaded them into the back of the truck and proceeded to whistle while they worked.
After locking the gang in their police chariot, the royal guards flew away, except for the one earth pony on the entire squadron who started shouting obscenities at his fellow soldiers before beginning the long, arduous journey towards Canterlot castle.
The pegasi of course, reached their destination in less than five minutes and upon arrival they threw Twilight, Bob, and Rainbow Dash into the Milanese cell in the prison.
About 36 hours later Celestia showed up and immediately forgave Twilight cause hey, it's not like she's saved equestria twice or anything, and teleported Rainbow Dash to Pinkie's basement. Then she turned to bob.
" Oh you are so going to get it in the next chapter, but for now-"
Celestia sent Bob to a cliff and left her to hang off of that cliff until the next chapter.
Every changeling fanfic ever!
That one time I was bored in algebra class.
Bob woke up in the Canterlot courthouse.
"Now that chapter 3 has begun court may now begin," said Celestia, who apparently isn't too busy ruling with an iron hoof to be a judge.
"Well as long as we're breaking the fourth wall can I just say something," Bob requested.
"What?"
"How the hell did the author get away with writing this in algebra class?"
Hey! Don't question me, I created you after all.
"No! I want to know how you did this in Algebra 2!"
I didn't.
The crowded courtroom erupted in a wave of gasps, killing a small foal.
I'm not the one being tried here Bob.
"Why do people even like your stories anyway? They're the most awful putrescent pieces of garbage I've ever seen in my entire life. Ask anyone who isn't a fucking retard and they'll tell you how bad these are. Your readers are idiots."
While it may be true that my readers are the most inbred, unintelligent losers ever to be dredged from a swamp I still love them.
"Awwww," the crowd responded killing another foal.
"Shut up, the only reason you're doing this is because you don't know how the fucking court systems work."
Don't make me change your name to Steve Kardashian.
"I'll behave."
"I do belive this has gone on long enough," said Celestia.
"But it's already over."
"SILENCE!"
"Okay."
"Now let us begin interrogation, is it true that you are now, and have always been a changeling? "
"Yes."
"And is it true that you took part in the assault on Canterlot?"
"Yes, but-"
"No further questions my honor," Celestia put on her powdered wig and sat down in the judge's chair. Then she turned towards Bob. "Do you have any witnisses?"
"Yes , I'd like to call Twilight Sparkle to the stand."
The crowd gasped and killed another foal.
"Twilight, why did you take this changeling into your home?"
"Well you see... it was all Bob's fault, he tried to brainwash me, and when that didn't work he threatened to kill Spike! I had no choice!"
"Very well, bring out the giant flyswatter."
Bob turned to Twilight.
"You fucking b-"
SPLAT!
The end.
