Today has been rather eye-opening.
As a magicless human in a pony world full of magic, you of course spent time learning about magical items and how you could use them.
For almost all of them you needed Twilight or Starlight to imbue normal objects with spells. But when you use them later on it's sort of like you're casting magic yourself. For you are Anon, the magicless warrior wizard.
Or at least you like to pretend that's the case.
And right now you're using a very small, enchanted ceramic bowl to find out more about the backwards roles of this world. You're sat on a bench across from a cafe, the tiny bowl sat outside on a table, amongst some flowers and condiment dispensers.
"Oh, there's Anon."
And you're using the simple, blending in object to listen to the conversation of anypony that sits at that table, their voices sounding like they're speaking just next to you.
Right now Caramel and Noteworthy are sat at the table.
"A little rough around the edges, but he's kind of handsome isn't he?"
You can't help but smile, though not at the compliment.
"It's such a shame he doesn't have any special someponies... He might land a herd if he grew his mane out a little, maybe styled it... And you know I've never seen him once at the spa."
Ha! Silly girly ponies, you'll be staying just as you are thank you, you're a man after all.
In the beginning, you were worried that with reversed gender roles all the stallions would be catty little horrors. Being polite to your face, and nasty behind your back. But you've been pleasantly surprised to discover that any and all gossip has been incredibly tame. And anything about you has simply been about how you should stop wearing such drab clothes and start moisturising.
It shouldn't be a surprise really, after all, these are innocent ponies living in paradise, where the biggest of problems are solved with friendship. The most you've heard of anyone being legitimately angry with another (without invading evil involved of course), was when a tipsy Berry Punch was mad at Golden Harvest for accidentally overcharging her for carrots, calling her, 'a big dummy'.
And not two minutes later she was apologizing for it.
What a wonderful world... Still, you're not going to be conforming into some feminine metrosexual or whatever, even if it would be smiled upon.
The two stallions stand up and leave, waving a 'hello' and 'good afternoon' to you as they pass, which you cheerfully return.
Alright, that's enough of that, honestly you were lucky you didn't overhear anything too personal.
But just before you can move to stealthily retrieve the magical item, the mane six come along, and take a seat around it.
Well, ten or so more minutes wouldn't hurt.
You listen as they talk about what you'd expect them to talk about, a friendship problem, an upcoming party, sparkly pretty dresses; which are somehow considered manly/marely in this world... You still can't believe how many compliments you got at the Gala from mares for your simple suit, while the girl's dresses apparently weren't even worth commenting on outside of the fashion industry... And why the hell are socks so sexy to them?
Dash's words break you out of your thoughts.
"Oh hey, there's Anon."
You feel another smile tug at your lips, you wonder if they might find you in any way good looking as well. Rarity probably doesn't, you have the feeling you're nowhere near as illustriously good looking and fancy enough for her standards... Two things that seem to come with a huge sense of entitlement, at least with stallions in Canterlot, once again reminding you how backwards things are here. The gender ratio probably helps with that as well...
Speaking of Rarity, she's the next to continue the conversation.
"Hm, so it is..... Mmm, what an absolute braphog."
.....
What?
Dash chuckles. "I know right? Seriously, I just wanna mash my face between his cheeks and suck the farts right out of his asshole."
What. The. Absolute. Fuck.
Applejack continues. "Dangit Dash, ya'll know me and Rarity have been lookin for a nice thick braphog to worship the flank off of, but ya'll take it too far. That's weird."
"What?! What did I say?! What's wrong with falling asleep with my face in his fat ass cheeks so he can fart directly against my nose and mouth all night. I bet the aroma's amazing. You agree with me, right Fluttershy?"
.....
Silence.
Blessed silence.
Kind, sweet, innocent little Fluttershy would never- "I'd drag my teats over a mile of broken glass just to eat a cupcake that he'd farted on."
.....
God fucking damnit.
Twilight's hoof crashes down onto the table. "I can't believe I'm hearing this, from four of you no less, why the heck are you fetishizing Anon's ass so much? What is wrong with you?!"
Oh thank God... This is all a misunderstanding. They're Changelings, or infected by Poison Joke, or had a spell cast on them, or anything that Twilight's about to figure out and solve. Then everything will go back to normal.
"How could anyone prefer asses over a pair of sweaty balls?"
Oh come on....
"As early ponies walked around, yes the ass was there, but so too were the balls, the ultimate symbol of health and fertility; with all the hot thick goo that resides within. Ever since ponies began to wear clothes, stallions have been trying to highlight and frame their asses more and more. Butts are a replacement for the balls, but the true origin of life is the balls. In the end, butts are nothing more than fake balls. And if I had to choose between the original and the imitation, of course I would choose the original! And though I could say the evolution of clothes, particularly in Anon's case, has led to the balls being hidden away, it is that modesty that gives the balls eros... An eros which ass, out in the open could never have... Besides, mares have asses too, so it's also a bit gay."
The table is silent for a few moments, before a pouting Rarity chimes in. "I-it's not gay, why I'd even let Anon eat my ass if he wanted too."
"Shugacube, now that is definitely gay. Are you sure you aint some sort of dyke?"
"Wha-? How is that gay, he's a stallion, it's not like I'd have another mare pushing her tongue in my ponut, ha ha."
Did she actually just say, 'ha ha'?
"Ahem, anyway, while I'm most assuredly an ass mare and would worship that derriere until the sun rises, I cannot deny the allure of his hefty balls. After all, they are right next to the main prize."
You watch as they all nod to each other, except for-
"Pinkie darling, you've been very quiet, what do you like most about Anon?"
You're fairly far away, yet you can still see her face grow pinker, then redder from blushing. She shifts in place.
"Well, it's not exactly, normal..."
Applejack chuckles. "Whut, next to these two feathery fart fetishists? Pinkie, you've got nuthin ta worry about."
She squirms side to side a few times more. "I like his.... Feet."
There's a few seconds of silence, before-
"Gosh dangit! You're a hoof harpy?!"
AJ has pulled back from the table in shock, while Dash is all out laughing. Pinkie frantically waves her hooves in front of her.
"No no no no no, I don't even like hooves, like, at all, Anon has feet, it's totally different."
AJ is hesitantly retaking her seat as Pinkie continues.
"I don't want some hard hoof covered in dirt from walking around all day... But Anon's feet, are protected by those shoes, a-and socks that he wears all the time, even if he's in front of fillies..."
They all squirm now, seriously, why do they like socks so much?
"So I-I'd pop those shoes off, slide down those socks, and there'd be his big, soft, sweaty feet... I'd run my tongue up and down their length, suck on his cute toes, and slide my tongue between them, gathering up as much salty sweaty goodness as I could..."
She shivers in place.
"See? Not a hoof harpy."
Applejack relents. "Fine, I guess it is sort of different, you, you... Foot friend." She giggles, as do the other girls.
Rarity then lets out a huff. "Oh wonderful... I'm all hot and bothered now... And Estrus is right around the corner... With all these thoughts of Anon and asses in my head, I bet I'll end up flirting just a tad too hard with a stallion, and he'll go around town acting like I tried to jump his bones. I'll probably end up being known as a creepy 'nice mare'..."
Fluttershy manages to speak up. "W-well, um, why don't you just do what I do? I have a Hip Thruster Three Thousand in my basement, in front of the wall that has my collage of cute fat flanked stallions from my Neighponese comics... Th-that helps a lot."
You can see the cringe on Rarity's face from here. "Darling, that is how you guarantee you'll never see a cock in your life."
"Wh-what's wrong with it? Stallions get to use fleshlights, it's exactly the same thing, i-it's just double standards is all."
Twilight kindly takes over. "Fluttershy, while the Neighponese comics collage is a great idea that I'll have to give you some great tips for... A stallion has a hunk of silicone he can pull out from the bottom of a drawer, pump into it for twenty seconds, climax, and put it away... You have a block of metal machinery larger than you, clanking and rumbling, letting out gouts of steam as it pistons a phallic object back and forth."
"R-right, l-like I said, i-it's exactly the same... Oh, oh Celestia, it's not my fault, I've never even hugged a colt..."
She rests her head on the table as Rarity pats her back. Pinkie then hops up a few feet in the air before landing.
"Ooh, ooh, I know, why don't we all put the moves on Anon? He's so much more laid back than other stallions, he never chastised Dashie once no matter how many times she flew up and rubbed her tuft in his face. We might be able to have some fun with him."
Oh God, the tuft thing was some sort of sexual thing here?
Applejack rears back once again in shock. "Land's sakes Rainbow, you're lucky you never spent a few nights in the cells."
Dash nervously rubs the back of her head with a hoof, while Twilight seems to have been thinking.
"Okay girls, I'd never talk about something like this usually... But I am super turned on right now, and I am tired of my mom asking me if I've lost my virginity yet or if I've turned dyke..."
She lets out a long breath.
"So I propose, we get Anon back to my castle, be nice and friendly towards him, give him a few drinks..."
She's interrupted by AJ's hat flying in her face.
"No way Twilight, there is no way ah'm deliberately gettin a stallion drunk and takin advantage of him. And there's no way ah'd let you do that either, ah will write to Princess Celestia herself if you even think-"
You just about pick up the whispering of Rainbow Dash. "Gee, and I thought Rarity was supposed to be the white knight."
Twilight manages to interrupt AJ.
"No no, I'm not saying we'll get him drunk, or even tipsy... Just, the tiniest, tiniest bit more open... I mean hay, I've only ever seen a four mare herd before, and those are established over a few years, while we'd be asking him to go from zero to six girls..."
AJ bites her lip while taking her hat back from Twilight's magic.
"Well... Only two drinks, from normal sized glasses, and no hard stuff either, they've gotta be colty drinks like Big Mac enjoys. If ah see one of you, Dash, try slippin him some cider ah swear ah'll buck you from here to Tartarus."
Twilight lets out a sigh of relief.
"Good, I wasn't planning on any more than that anyway... So we'll spend the rest of the afternoon and evening having fun with Anon, talking while staying nice and close to him. Lots of friendly touches and hugs to get him comfortable with the idea of intimacy with us while not going anywhere near anything that could be misconstrued as sexual. If Dash has really been... pushing her tuft in his face... I think this will all go over smoothly, and at the end of the night, if we're feeling confident, we'll ask if he'd like to have some, 'fun', with us some time."
Rarity sighs, far more dreamily this time.
"Of course we'll have to be very attentive to his needs, and make him feel like the only stallion in the world. Lots of compliments and praise, why, with some mares in his life making him feel special, he may even begin to take on the role of a true herd stallion."
At that, the six all begin to fantasize out loud now, while going further and further. AJ chuckles.
"Now that would be somethin. Forget about some fun with dat flank, can you imagine comin home to a loving herd stallion, house all done up, nuthin ta worry about after a hard day's work, smile on his face? Why ah'd basically be forced ta push him down an start kissin him."
"And his appearance darling, such a big sweet thing he is, but can you imagine if he started wearing some more flattering clothes, took care of his skin and hair... Why he'd be more radiant than the sunrise. I couldn't stop myself from praising him."
"O-oh my... And, maybe he'd model longer, fluffier, coltier socks for us... A-and while wearing them we'd cuddle and snuggle together, gazing into each others eyes, whispering sweet nothings... I-I might enjoy that."
"Ooh ooh ooh, and food! Don't forget the home cooking of a stallion. A cute apron around him, smears of flour on his face, plates held in his hands, ready to serve... Ready to have my thighs clamped around his head as he sucks my clit while I eat..."
"Maybe he could, cheer me on when I'm working out, bringing me cool iced glasses of water and telling me how awesome I am... And being proud of me whenever I break a new personal record, sharing showers together where we lather each other up..." She trails off...
As they all blush bright red, shaking their heads of future thoughts, Twilight giggles.
"Well if we're going to get any of that, we need to follow the keikaku... Keikaku means plan."
As they all begin standing up, you try desperately to get rid of your flushed face. Dash grins and chuckles.
"I can't wait. If everything goes well, I'll be tongue punching the fuck out of his fart box in no time. He's gonna get used so much, his entire lower half will be warm and wet with drool, the six of us taking him two or three at a time, doing whatever we want with him, switching in and out until his stomach is covered in his own cum. If he's still conscious, we'll run a train on him, fucking that dick hard one after the other, doing our best not to let him explode inside us until we've all had a turn, cycling through again and again until he's a broken little house husband for us."
Her voice fades away as they move from the table, and soon you're being approached by them.
Twilight smiles.
"Oh hi Anon, you're looking lovely today. Hey, we were having a little get together at the Castle, fancy joining us?"
You look from one pony to the other, smiling pleasantly towards you.
Your entire time here you've felt like the big alpha predator, a true man in such cuddly surroundings. Even when you suspected you were being hit on by a mare it just came across as adorable. This is the first time you've actually felt chased after. Hunted. A piece of meat for hungry mares that want to make you theirs in far more ways than one.
You blush and gulp.
"O-okay.."
Maybe you should grow your hair out.
Author's Note
Thank you to BadTouch and Free Roamer for supporting me through Patreon, it's extremely appreciated.
Just something that started floating through my head after reading some other random RGRE stories, and then of course I had to make a funny meme picture to go with it.
