Lust in Translation

by Captain_Hairball

Rating: mature
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Romance, Porn, Fetish, Profanity, Shining Armor, Sex, Narcotics, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 8434

When Cadence unilaterally invites Twilight along on their honeymoon to help her fulfill Shiny’s most transgressive fantasy, will it mean sexy fun times or awkwardness, drama, and embarrassment?

Twilight doesn’t just have an amazing brother – she now had an amazing sister-in-law. But when Cadence unilaterally invites Twilight along on their honeymoon to help her fulfill Shiny’s most transgressive fantasy, will it mean sexy fun times or awkwardness, drama, and embarrassment?

Both probably. It'll be both.

Set shortly after the end of A Canterlot Wedding.

Contains: Mostly relationship talks (if you're just here for the porn skip to chapter 4), brother/sister incest, wet and messy, spit play, and wholesome married group sex.

Submitted to the April 2019 Incest is Wincest contest.

Published 2019-04-30 17:10:02 UTC
Last updated 2019-04-30 17:10:02 UTC

Safety Geese

Author's Note

This story contains fictional depiction of erotic parent/child and/or sibling incest. This is intended as a fantasy. Fiction is a safe space. In real life, the author does not consider consent possible in these relationships and does not support or condone them.

Safety Geese

Spike came through the front door of the Golden Oak Library, clutching a scroll in one claw and a holding a stack of books under his other arm. He tossed the scroll onto Twilight’s desk without slowing down.

“Hello, dragongram!”

Twilight looked over the top of her reading glasses at the scroll. “What’s this?”

“I don’t know,” said Spike, heading for the stairs. “I don’t read your mail.”

Twilight levitated her quill into the inkwell and picked up the scroll with her magic. As Twilight read the address, her voice rose from happily surprised to wild with panic. ”From Princess Cadence, Room 838 Kirinmark Hotel, Okami, Neighpon. To Twilight Sparkle, Golden Oak Library, Ponyville, Equestria. Eyes only, extremely urgent! Spike! Why didn’t you bring this to me sooner?”

“Sooner than what?” said Spike, stopping halfway up the stairs and turning to look at her. “I burped it up on the way home from the game store.”

“Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, Cadence and Shining Armor are in some kind of trouble!” said Twilight, fumbling open the scroll with hooves and magic.

Spike closed his eyes and leaned his forehead on the stair rail. “Aren’t they still on their honeymoon?”

“They’ve been attacked! Changelings! Dire wolves! Titans! Or worse! What if they fought! What if they’re having marriage troubles?”

“Already?”

Twilight blinked. “I don’t know. How long does it take? I‘ve never been married. I don’t know how it works. Mom and dad never seemed to fight but I always assumed they did it in private.”

Spike banged his head against the stair rail. “Twilight, just read the letter.”

Twilight’s eyes darted back and forth across the paper.

Hi, sis! Can I call you sis? Is there anyway way you can get over here super soonish? There’s something Shiny and I were talking about and it’s really not the kind of thing you can spell out in written communication if you know what I mean. But if it would be better if we could take care of it while we’re still out of the country.

Whatever you do, don’t tell anypony I wrote you about this. It has to be a secret! Anyway, let me know! Love you either way!

XOXO Cadence

Twilight slammed the scroll down on her desk. “By all the forces of Harmony! It’s so bad she doesn’t say what it is! I’m got to get to Neighpon right away!”

“Do I have to come?” said Spike, beginning to slouch. “I wanted to work on my campaign notes.”

Twilight leaped down from her desk. “No. It would be better if I go alone. This could be highly classified.”

“Oh, great!” said Spike.

“But I need you to help me pack.”

Spike groaned.

✭☆✭☆✭☆✭

Twilight stared at the wall of the basement storage room and hopped from hoof to hoof like a runner before the start of a race.

“Are you all right, Twilight?” said Spike, buckling her saddlebags shut and climbing a step ladder to lay them across her back.

“I’ve never attempted an intercontinental teleport before.” Technically nopony had ever attempted an intercontinental teleport before, but if she told Spike that, he’d just worry. She was sure she could do it. Things that were hard for other ponies were easy for her. Usually.

“Couldn’t you just take an airship?” said Spike.

“Too slow. And not very secret,” said Twilight. “Okay, stand back. I’m going to get a running start.”

Spike saluted. “Good luck!”

Twilight visualized the spell. A sphere of glowing light enveloped her. She felt the strangely satisfying sense of vertigo that accompanied successful teleportation. The light vanished, and she found herself flying through the air towards the wall of the storage room.

“Ouch!” cried Twilight. A pile of empty cardboard boxes, unbalanced by her impact, fell over on top of her. “Double ouch!” She pushed her head up out of the pile to see Spike staring at her, open-mouthed.

“Was that supposed to happen?” he said.

Twilight pressed her hoof against her forehead. “Stupid! Stupid! I forgot to take into account the curvature of Equus. The planet got in the way!”

Spike blinked. “Okay? Is that a thing that happens?”

Twilight grabbed a piece of cardboard and held it flat in front of her. “This is the space-time continuum, okay?” She drew her hoof across the top of the cardboard. “When I teleport, I make a temporary wormhole that goes from point A to point B. Very basic.”

“If you say so.”

“But that only works on a very small scale.” Twilight bent the cardboard so there was a bump in the middle. “On a planetary scale, gravity warps space so much that I miss my target.“ She waved her hoof over the bump. “The wormhole would land me underground somewhere, so the safety geas coded into the spell spat me back out where I came in.”

Spike tilted his head to one side. “Saftey geese?”

“Not geese, geas. A magical imperative or prohibition. In this case an imperative to not die.” Twilight jumped out of the pile of his boxes and shook bits of dust and cardboard off of her coat. “I’m going to try again!”

Spike gasped. “No! What if the safety geese don’t work!”

“I’m going to do something different.”

“Oh good.”

“If I teleport into outer space, first, I can avoid the worst of the gravity well and get a better angle on the return teleport.”

“What? Twilight, no!”

Twilight cast the best shielding spell Shining Armor had taught her. It should hold enough air to breathe and protect her from radiation until she could cast the return teleport. The world flashed purple again.

✭☆✭☆✭☆✭

Twilight Sparkle felt very strange – light in her tummy like she didn’t know which way was down. When the after-image of the teleport flash cleared, that feeling turned to nauseous vertigo. Equus floated below her, a massive Pinkie Pie party ball. Clouds scudded between her and the ground. The recognized the Canter river, a tiny gleaming thread like something out of a super fancy atlas.

Her back was starting to feel extremely warm. The sun was right behind her, wasn’t it? Twilight Sparkle realized three things in quick succession. One: unshielded by Equus’ atmosphere, that sun was going to be very, very bright. Two: her body was rotating slowly to the right so that in a few seconds her vulnerable little pony eyes were going to be looking at that unshielded sun. With nothing for her to push against, the was no way to arrest that rotation. Three: She still wasn’t high enough up to have a straight line to Neighpon.

“Oh poop.”

She definitely didn’t have enough mojo for four consecutive attempted long-range teleports. But if she used Equus’ gravity well to her advantage…

Sunlight flooded the corner of her right eye. She squinted her eyes shut (which did almost nothing) and gave her best guess at an arching teleport vector targeted on the city of Okami in Neighpon.

She could barely see the purple flash as she teleported.

Um… Surprise?

Debris bounced off her shield as Twilight Sparkle pushed herself to her hooves. She was standing in the middle of a city street in a shallow crater the exact shape of her force field. She was in some kind of outdoor market lit by street lights and neon. Dozens of kirin had stopped in the middle of what they were doing to stare at her.

Also, she could see all of this. The sun hadn’t blinded her! Yippee!

She let her force field flicker out and rushed over to a vendor who had stopped in the middle of pouring tiny dried mushrooms into a customer’s bag. “Excuse me kind sir or madam, she said in halting phrasebook Neighponese, “What city am I in?”

“Um… You’re in Okami. Are you all right?”

She was about to ask where the Kirinmark hotel was when a psychic projection of the head of Princess Cadence popped up in the middle of her field of vision.

“That was one hell of a teleport, sis!” said Cadence. “Wow, I didn’t think you’d really come. I thought you’d just write me back or something.”

“But you said it was urgent!”

“I did not!”

Twilight knit her brows. “You did! You marked it extremely urgent, and you marked it eyes only, implying it was highly classified, as well.” Twilight realized she’d said that out loud. The kirin around her couldn’t see or hear who Twilight was talking to, and began to back away from her slowly.

Cadence giggled. “Oh, maybe I did.”

Twilight frowned. Cadene’s thoughts sounded slurred. It was hard to tell in the projection, but her eyes looked glassy. “Cadence are you drunk?”

“You’d better get over here,” said Cadence. She looked down out of the field of the projection, and a few seconds later held up a bar napkin with a map scribbled on it. “Does this make sense? Come join us, okay?”

✭☆✭☆✭☆✭

‘Over here’ turned out to be a divey open-air sushi place about three blocks from where Twilight had landed. Every table was full of customers, and many more were standing. Three sushi cooks – two kirin and a towering hippogriff – were in constant motion behind the main counter. A second counter served as a bar. Twilight saw Shining Armor there, but he was trying to get the bartender’s attention and hadn’t noticed her yet.

Deep in Twilight’s mind, pieces of information began to connect with one another like lines in a connect-the-dots puzzle. She did not like the picture they were forming. She really needed to find Cadence before Shining saw her.

A blob of blue magic tugged on Twilight’s mane. She turned to see Cadence on the other side of the restaurant, waving her over.

“Cadence, what the darn heck is going on,” said Twilight, climbing up on a stool next to her sister in law. There was a tray of mango nigiri between them. Twilight pulled it over to her and started stress eating them. Mmm, sticky rice.

Cadence smirked and twirled a strand of her mane around her hoof. “I just wanted to have a little surprise for Shiny. Something really special for our honeymoon.”

Twilight gasped. “He doesn’t know I’m here?” she said, grains of rice flying out of her mouth.

“I’m so sneaky!” Cadence, clapping her hooves like a happy filly. “Oh, he’s coming back! Quick, under the table!”

Twilight yelped as Cadence’s magic grabbed her and yanked her down between her hind legs. She kept a firm grip on the sushi tray as she went under; these things were good!

“Here you go, honey,” said Shining in his silky smooth voice. “Why did we need three of these?”

“Well,” said Cadence. “Do you remember that fantasy you told me about last night?”

Shining Armor sat down on a stool next to Cadence. His hind knee was practically touching Twilight’s snout. “You mean… I mean… We’ve talked about a lot of fantasies. Which one, specifically?”

Oh no. Twilight was suddenly certain where this was headed. She started to bolt, but the second she did Cadence’s thighs clenched down around her neck. Those slim long legs looked soft, but they had a grip like steel. “The one about your sister,” purred Cadence.

Darn you Shining, what did you tell her? How much does she know? Darn BBBFF! Darn him to heck! Twilight crammed the last three nigiri into her mouth in one bite.

“Did… did you want to roleplay?” said Shining. As he spoke, his cock slid out of its sheath. Twilight watched in fascination as it stiffened, pulse by pulse. A normal sister would be disgusted and horrified. A normal sister. Twilight wanted it inside of her.

“I had something even better in mind,” said Cadence. Her normal sweet, pungent musk was getting stronger. Twilight had always thought Cadence smelled intoxicating, but she’s never smelled her like this before. The smell mixed with her brother’s masculine scent, and soon Twilight’s body started to respond. In seconds, she was sitting in a sticky puddle. “You can come out, sis.”

Twilight groaned. Part of her — a big, naughty part of her — wanted to stay under the table and surprise both of them in a different way. But no. She had to be good. Cadence’s thighs let go of her and she slid up into the stool again. “Um… surprise?”

Shining’s eyes got so wide they looked like they were about to fall out of his head. “Oh no. No no no, Cadence you weren’t supposed to tell!”

Cadence rolled her eyes. “Why? What’s so awful about wanting to do the nasty with your sister? Ponies do worse things every day without a second thought.”

Twilight cleared her throat. “Cadence, this might be a sensitive topic, but… you don’t really have any relatives, do you?”

“There’s auntie Tia,” said Cadence cheerfully. There were no sensitive topics with Princess Cadence. “Speaking of incest. Rowr.”

”But no blood relatives,” continued Twilight. She sniffed at the drink her brother had brought. It filled half a hollowed-out pineapple, had a little flag sticking out of it, and smelled like sweetened hoof polish remover. She had a little sip, and the tip of her nose immediately went numb.

Shining Armor was blushing and sweating. “Cadence, it’s not normal for a brother to have sexual feelings for his sister.”

Twilight nodded. “The fact that we don’t is called the Withermark effect, after a pony who spent a lot of time researching sex between siblings.”

Cadence smiled a slow predatory smile. “Oh, what a coincidence, I’ve researched that too. There’s another effect. The Cadenza effect. Have you heard of it?”

Twilight took another sip of the pineapple paint thinner. “No. I haven’t. What’s that?”

“It’s when you’re so sexy you can talk ponies into overcoming the Withermark effect.”

Twilight glared at Cadence, then at her drink. Whatever it was, it was making Twilight slow on the uptake. She should have seen that coming. “So you’ve done this before?”

Cadence fluttered her eyelashes. “Oh no. I was a pure sweet virgin before I met Shiny.”

Twilight was about to retort — she wasn’t much on the Canterlot palace social scene, sure, but you didn’t have to be an astronomer to know the sun was yellow. But she stopped because BBBFF was about to say something stupid. She could tell because his mouth was opening.

“Cadence, I need to be honest with you…” he said.

”Shining, no!” said Twilight.

“When I told you about that fantasy…”

Twilight made slashing motions at her throat.

“…It wasn’t exactly a fantasy.”

Twilight hissed, and cast a force field over Shining Armor’s mouth.

“Mgh!” said Shining Armor.

Cadence ripped the field away from Shining’s face with her alicorn magic like she was pulling off a bandage. ”No, sis. I want to hear this.”

Shining Armor closed his eyes and took a deep breath. “The fantasy was real. Twilight and I really had sex. I’m sorry. I know I’m disgusting. We can annul the marriage if you want.”

Cadence laid a hoof on his shoulder. “I could never do that, honey.”

Shining Armor opened one eye.

“You can only get an annulment if you haven’t consummated the marriage. We’ve consummated it seventy-three times. Not counting the times I made you cuckold me. We’d have to get a divorce.”

Shining Armor smashed his head on the table and groaned. “Well if you can just about this, then I guess you aren’t offended.”

Twilight slammed both forehooves down in the table and rose up until her head was level with both of them. “Well, I’m offended! Shining, how could you tell her that!”

”She’s my wife, Twily. I have to tell her everything.”

That thought almost derailed Twilight’s rage. Almost. “I’m impressed with your honesty and your commitment to your marriage! But!” She slammed her hoof on the table. “This is different! We agreed that it was wrong! We agree we’d never mention it again! It was struck from the record.”

“You made me agree to those things, Twiliy,” said Shining Armor. “You’re the one who said we couldn’t talk about it. You’re the one who didn’t come back from Ponyville.”

Out of the corner of her eye, Twilight saw Cadence’s crumble like a tower made out of building bricks. Twilight ignored her. This was none of her business, and there were no sensitive topics with Princess Cadence. “What we did was shameful! It doesn’t matter how we feel about each other!” Twilight thrust out a hoof towards Cadence. “And then you and Princess Kissyface go and make a game out of it!”

“I’m tired of being ashamed,” said Shining Armor. “Princess Cadence has taught me that anything is okay, as long as you love one another.”

“Well she’s wrong!” shouted Twilight. “This is it! It’s over. No more talking about what we did, because it never happened!”

“Maybe you should go,” said Shining Armor.

“No. I should go,” said Cadence. Tears squirted down her cheeks.

“What?” said Twilight and Shining as one.

Cadence scrubbed at her cheeks with the back of her hooves. “This is all because I kept pestering Shining to tell me his kinks. We were just doing stuff that I liked, and I wanted him to have fun, too.”

“Honey. I do have fun. I always have fun with you,” said Shining, reaching for her.

She pushed him away. “This is why it happened. All of it. I shouldn’t have done anything. I wanted you two to be happy, and now you’re mad at each other instead! I’m going to go, now.”

Twilight reached out to Cadence as well, but she was too late. Blue light flashed and Cadence was gone.

Harmony, What and Awful Racket

“Can you find her though?” said Shining Armor.

Twilight sighed. “Sort of? I can trace where her teleport warped space, but I can’t get more than a general location from that.”

“Well show me where you think she is, and I’ll see if I can figure it out from there.”

They were standing outside the sushi place. It had started to rain. Wet pavement reflected neon light and the glow of Twilight’s horn. Cadence’s teleport trail didn’t match the topology of Euclidian space, nor did it show much consideration for walkability. They had to walk six blocks, and then double back when the trail led through a construction site. At last, they came to a neighborhood lit by even more neon than the street market had been.

Twilight sighed and let her horn flicker out. “This is the best I could do. She could be in any one of these places. Is your hotel far from here?”

Shining Armor nodded towards the epicenter of the neon in the area. “She’s in there.” The storefront pulsed purple and green. Cartoon characters danced through primitive animations over a name that Twilight’s limited skill at Neighponese couldn’t begin to untangle.

“Is it some kind of a night club?” Twilight asked.

“It’s Cadence’s favorite place here. We’ve gone there almost every night.”

Twilight snorted. “How did you find the time? Seventy-three times? Really?”

“Cadence is… you know, she’s very energetic. Very open.”

”I’ll say she’s open.”

“Twily, come on,” said Shining, pushing his rain-damp forelock out of his eyes. “There’s no need to be mean.”

“I can’t believe you told her!” Twilight stamped, kicking up droplets from the pavement. “It was our secret! We’d promised never to mention it again! We…” she waved a forehoof, “We said we’d remove it from the timeline! Like it’d never happened!”

Shining Armor ground his teeth. “You can’t do that, Twilight. Unless you figure out how to go back in time and stop it from happening, it’s real, and it happened, and I can’t deal with pretending it didn’t. I love you, Twiliy. You know that.”

“It’s possible to travel back in time. When I get back to Canterlot I’m going to travel back and tell myself not to…” she looked around the crowded street and blushed. “…Do what we did.”

Shining Armor turned away. “Let’s just get out of the rain and find Cadence, okay?”

The line to get into the night club was very long, but the bouncer — a kirin stallion bigger than Shining and Twilight’s total combined size — saw them and pulled them out of the line.

“Your wife’s already inside, Shiny,” said the bouncer in Ponese. “She seemed upset. Everything okay?”

“I hope so, Makoto. Did you see which way she went?”

“Naw. Busy night.”

They stepped into the foyer and shook the rainwater out of their coats. “You’re on a first name basis with the door guard?” said Twilight.

“Yeah, we’ve spent a lot of money here,” said Shining Armor. “I mean, obscene amounts. More than the GDP of Griffonstone.”

“There go my tax dollars,” mumbled Twilight.

Shining Pushed the double doors to the main room of the club open with his shoulder. Music slammed Twilight in the face so hard it blew her mane back. All manner of creatures jammed a dance floor bigger than Ponyville green, bouncing up and down in approximate time with…

“Is that a DJ PON3 song?” shouted Twilight. “Way to learn about other cultures BBFF.”

“She’s huge over here!” shouted Shiny, who headed into the crowd without another word.

Twilight followed after him as best she could. A group of griffons and yaks got in between her and Shining, separating them and throwing her into confusion.

“Shining? Shining?” she called, but her voice was lost in the music and the noise.

She knew a few spells that would help her find Cadence and Shining, but with so many creatures to sort through she was worried trying one would give her a headache or make the spell lock up or both. But this place was huge! There was a stage at the far end — currently in a flurry of preparation. Somecreature was going to be performing soon. Somecreature whose act needed a lot of special effects.

Looking upwards, Twilight saw two levels of balcony. Two Harmony darned levels! “Ugh!” she said, stamping her hooves.

”Do you need help?” shouted a stranger’s voice in her ear.

Twilight yelped and turned around to see a trio of kirin – a tall brown stallion, a short orange mare, and an even shorter pale colored mare. They looked like they were dressed for work.

”I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you, it’s just you looked really lost, and I wondered if you could use some help,” shouted the orange mare.

Twilight might as well ask. At least they seemed friendly. ”Kind sir or madam, could you tell me how to find… um… my friend… ah.. Princess Cadence.”

”Did she really just ask up to help her find a princess?” shouted the brown stallion.

“Hahahahahahahahahahahaha. Your Neighponese is really bad,” said the shorter mare in Ponese.

Twilight blushed. “Language isn’t my primary area of expertise!”

“What?” shouted the stallion.

Twilight sighed. Never mind. “She’s tall and pink and has a horn and wings!”

“Oh, right,” shouted the orange mare. “Because Equestrian princesses are alicorns! Is she really a princess?”

“Yes!” shouted Twilight.

“We haven’t seen anyone like that!”

The shorter mare pulled a tiny flat rectangular device out of her clothes. “Wait, I think I can find her. Give me a minute.” She ran her forehoof across the front of the device for a few moments and then held it up towards Twilight. “Is that her?”

The device had a picture of Cadence on it. She was staring out at the viewer, lips pushed out in a moue. A half dozen empty cups littered the table next to her. The text under the picture read: “All alone and feeling sorry for myself. I really am a big jerk. #drinkingmyfeelings #sadprincess.”

Twilight felt the same creeping feeling of unreality she sometimes experienced when talking to Pinkie Pie. “I have no idea what’s going on right now. But yes. That’s her,” she shouted.

The shorter mare's device vanished into her clothes. “Second balcony, on the right side! Look for the emergency exit sign!”

✭☆✭☆✭☆✭

Twilight found Cadence just where the tiny pale mare had said she’d be. Cadence held one of those devices, too. She put it away as Twilight approached.

“What was that?” said Twilight. The music was a little quieter up here – enough for them to talk without screaming every word.

“What was what?” said Cadence.

“Never mind. Can I sit?”

Cadence used her magic to pull an empty stool over for Twilight. “Twilight I am so sorry.”

Twilight slammed her head down on the table. “I’m sorry too. I… I don’t know. I’m mad at Shinny for telling you, but I can’t be mad at you for asking. You’re his wife. You deserve to know.”

“Well, it’s all out there now, isn’t it?” said Cadence. “So what do we do?”

“I’m the problem here. You don’t seem to care, which I don’t understand, but okay. I get the feeling Shining wants to…” she hesitated. “He seems like he loves me and it almost seems like he wants to do it again.”

Cadence rolled her eyes. “Really Twilight, do you think?”

Twilight looked up. “Why don’t you care? He’s your husband, and he did something vile.”

Cadence reached out a hoof to stroke Twilight’s mane, then stopped it halfway. Twilight took it gently in her magic and pulled it the rest of the way over. “Twilight, I’m the princess of love. I want ponies to be in love more than anything else. I… there’s no better way of saying this than that I get off on it. It’s why I like coming here. So many creatures, of all different kinds, dancing together. So full of love.”

Twilight laid her jaw on the table and closed her eyes as Cadence ran her soft hoof across her head. “That’s because a lot of them are on ecstasy, Cadence.”

“The feelings are still there. So are your feelings. I know for a fact that you love each other. You weren’t using or abusing each other. You really care. Maybe you took that too far. Maybe you didn’t take it far enough. Either way, you have to move on.”

“I don’t know how! I feel like a big baby. I’m a rational mare. I should be beyond these stupid…” she waves her hooves around her head, “…feelings!”

Cadence sat up straight on her stool. “Look at me.”

Twilight rolled her eyes to look at her sister-in-law, who was smiling with the sort of confident, compassionate serenity you’d expect to from a religious statue. ”What?”

“Twilight Sparkle: by the power vested in me by Harmony and by the Principality of Equestria, I hereby command you to stop feeling ashamed about boning your big brother.”

Twilight blinked. “But…”

“Nope. It’s over. You can regret it. But you can’t feel ashamed anymore. It’s over. You can do what you want now.”

“I’m skeptical, but okay. I’ll try. But what about you?”

Cadence shrugged. “Absolving people makes me feel better. Shiny should be here with more drinks at any moment. We can make a decision about the rest of the evening when he gets here.”

“Oh. Did you make contact with him?”

Cadence laughed. “No, he’s just that awesome. And here he is, Johnnie on the spot with fresh supplies!”

Shining walked around the balcony towards him on his hind legs, carrying a bottle of beer, a large bottle of sake, and three more little umbrella drinks. “What’s going on? Are you okay, Honey?”

“I’m fine. Fine. I upset my two favorite ponies, but I’m okay,” said Cadence.

Twilight gave Cadence a confused look. “Two favorite? Really?”

Cadence giggled. “Sunshine sunshine ladybugs awake.”

Twilight gasped, hoof on her breast in mock outrage. “You were such a naughty nanny!”

“The relationship has blossomed over time,” said Cadence, stroking Twilight’s hoof.

Shining Armor set the drinks out on the table and started pouring sake. “I see things have moved along without me.”

Cadence straightened herself up. “Right. I’m horny as fuck and drunk as an alicorn can get. I need both of you in your right minds for a second so you can make an important decision. Hold on, this is going to hurt.” Her horn glowed bright blue.

Twilight felt like she’d been hit in the head with a mallet. Her mouth felt like it was stuffed full of sand. She was suddenly acutely aware she’d been having a serious conversation about fucking her brother.

”Cadence, what did you just do?” said Shining, clutching his head.

She smirked with the beneficence of a very smug saint. “I used time magic to borrow some of your sobriety from tomorrow morning. So. You have to decide right now — do you two want to be best siblings? Or best siblings with benefits? Just so you know I strongly favor the latter. But it’s up to you.”

Twilight looked into Shining Armor’s eyes. Her head pulsed. Her mouth felt even dryer. And yet her heart — and her groin — still yearned for her brother. Ugh. Really?

“It’s wrong,” said Shining Armor. “But I love her. I mean. Not as much as I love you, Honey, obviously, but…”

Cadence stuffed a hoof over his mouth. “Save it. What about you, Twilight? Do you take this unbelievable stud — who, by the way, has been hammering me and anypony else I thought was cute at least four times a day for the past three weeks and is still ready, that’s the level of virility we’re talking about here…”

“Cadence, you’re getting off topic,” said Twilight, clutching her skull. It felt like it was about to split in half. How much was she going to drink tonight?

Cadence sighed. “Fine. Do you take Shining Armor to be your fuckbrother for as long as the arrangement works for both of you?”

Twilight’s heart — and headache — suddenly lightened. She realized that if she was honest with herself, yes. She loved BBBFF. She loved his brilliant-yet-also-very-stupid mind. She loved his big, kind heart. And she loved his bigger, constantly hard dick. “Yes. Yes. I need him.”

Shining Armor’s grin nearly split his head in half. Cadence clapped her hooves. “Yes! Great! You can be drunk again!”

Twilight’s headache vanished for a second as Cadence gave her her drunkenness back. Then a sound like a thousand wolverines being fed into a chipper shredder tore through the club.

“Oooh, the band’s starting!” said Cadence.

The Bad Touch

Author's Note

Breath control and dry anal are dangerous. Don't try this at home.

The Bad Touch

Shining Armor and Cadence leaned against the balcony rail on their hind legs, forehooves not-very-subtly pawing each other’s bottoms. Twilight hesitated, but the longing look her brother gave her drew her in. His hoof settled on the small of her back. Hers slid across the base of his tail. He leaned down to kiss her. His tongue tasted like sweet liquor in her mouth. She felt a flood of moistness between her thighs and tucked them together in an attempt to hide it.

On the floor below, ponies dressed as a gang of alien scum screamed about how awesome it was to destroy things. Twilight noticed those three kirin from earlier in the front row of the audience; the orange one jumped up and down waving at the stage while the other two stood behind her with their hooves over their ears.

And that was all Twilight really saw of the show. Shining’s cock was hard. Shining’s cock was always hard. It was a beautiful beast, almost as long as Twilight’s torso, colored a cobalt blue so dark it was almost black, with a scalloped crown and a medial ring almost as wide was the flare. Cadence kissed her husband, and arch her back to grind her slim belly and her pouty teats against his shaft.

Twilight’s heart hammered. Shining and Cadence’s bodies were so perfect! Tall, flat tummies, muscular lets, perfect trim little butts. Then Cadence grabbed her by the hoof and pulled her close and Twilight remembered a lot of ponies liked short little mares with pot bellies, big teats, and round asses.

Pulse pounding like the rapid-fire drums of the band below them, Twilight pressed her body close to her brother’s cock. The shaft settled in under the curve of her tummy and over her plump teats like it was meant to go there.

Shining Armor let out a trembling gasp and slid his hoof down to cup Twilight’s chubby ass. He started to move his hips, grinding his cock against his sister’s body.

Twilight looked around — this was very public! But the band drowned out any noise, and the beat was so fast that any rhythmic motion would look like dancing. No one was looking at them, and if they did look, the three of them wouldn’t be recognized.

Cadence wriggled in close against them. Shining huffed and shivered, humping between the bellies of the two mares he loved most. Twilight slid her hoof tentatively down his ass. The fur was silky smooth, but the muscle beneath so hard and angular it felt like armor plate. The way it bunched and surged as he humped her teats made mare goo drip down between Twilight’s thighs.

They huddled together kissing and pawing. Cadence’s teats squashed up against Twilight’s. Twilight’s fat tummy pressed up against Cadence’s flat one. BBBFF’s cock pistoned between them. The shaft burned hot, pulsing and trembling. Twilight wondered if her brother might cum, soon. He could have a bit of a hair trigger if their one night together was any indication. But he was always hard again soon, ready to blast one soaking load after another.

What would the crowd think if he came on them? She looked down at the band – red and white fluid sprayed from the lead singer’s prosthetic alien penis into the audience. They wouldn’t even notice.

But then Twilight noticed a blue glow between their bellies. Shining’s cock was suddenly a lot shorter, and there was something moving back and forth in Cadence’s closed mouth.

“Sex portal! Kinky!” shouted Twilight.

“Mmmmgh!” shouted Cadence.

“Let me try!” shouted Twilight.

Before she’d even closed her mouth, she felt her brother’s drooling flare bumping the back of her throat. Salty-sweet pre trickled across her tongue as he jerked back and forth.

“T-twily,” he groaned, squeezing her ass.

Twilight moaned and melted against her brother’s side. She felt like she might cum just from having him in her mouth. She laid her head against his chest, and lifted one thigh, giving the bottom half of Shining’s cock a little more to rub against.

His body started to shake. He stabbed his cock forward three times, jamming it through the portal and against the top of Twilight’s throat.

“Twily!” he shouted, cock convulsing against her tummy. Less than a second later, hot brother cum started to flood Twilight’s mouth. It tasted strongly of pineapple, mango, and alcohol.

Cadence leaned over to kiss her ear. “Drink it all. Drink all your brother’s cum.”

Twilight struggled to obey. Shining’s load flooded her mouth and splashed down her throat. Seed bubbled over her lips and rolled off her chin.

“You missed some,” rumbled Shining. He licked her chin, swished his own cum around his mouth, then drooled the bubbly mixture onto his sister’s snout.

“Oh, what a messy slut,” said Cadence, clucking her lips. “Shameful.”

Twilight groaned as she felt spit and cum trickle down her cheeks. “I am a messy slut. Spit on me, Cadence. Please.”

Cadence laughed. “I think you mean ‘spit on me, sis.‘“

Twilight felt her cheeks grow hot. “Please, spit on me, big sister.”

Cadence stroked Twilight’s jawline. “Open your mouth.”

“Aaaaahhhh!” said Twilight, opening her mouth and sticking out her tongue.

Cadence drooled a gob of spit out over her lower lip. It dangled for a second before plopping onto Twilight’s tongue. It tasted like sweet liquor too.

”Swallow it, Baby Sis,” said Cadence, pushing Twilight’s jaw closed.

“Cadence, look at her thighs,” said Shining, eyes wide. “Look at the floor!”

“Oh my gosh, sis, you are a messy slut!”

Twilight gulped down her sister-in-law’s spit and looked down. Oh no! Her mare goo was out of control. It drooled from her pussy, puddling on the floor. Her legs glistened. She pulled them apart, and ropes of goo made a web between her thighs.

“What are we going to do?” said Twilight, stomach churning with humiliation.

What they did was scoop her up in their forelegs and set her fat ass on a stool near the wall. Twilight grunted as her withers slammed against the plaster, but she didn’t care. She lifted her legs and spread them wide. “Please, please,” she gasped.

Her brother and sister-in-law started licking her hooves, Cadence on the left and Shining on the right.

Twilight twitched her hooves back. “Ah! Tickles!”

They worked their way up her legs, Shining cleaning up her mare goo with big licks, Cadence sucking it out of her fur like a vacuum cleaner. Twilight looked left and right anxiously. There was no hiding this. If anyone looked, they’d be in big trouble. Luckily everyone on the balcony was staring down at the stage.

“Hurry! Before someone sees.”

“Don’t be such a wimp, Baby Sister,” said Cadence. “It’s dark back here.” Then she started licking Twilight’s ass cheeks.

BBBFF nuzzled her pubic fluff and ran his tongue around her pouty pussy lips. “Oh yes,” she groaned. “Oh heckity heck that feels good!”

“Love you Twiliy,” he said, nuzzling her clit.

He was so close his breath tickled her insides. Twilight grabbed him by the mane and tugged. “I love you too BBBFF. Now use your tongue for sex! Not talking!”

Shining slid his tongue inside of her, still teasing. He lapped at her love tunnel, rolling up deep inside. It felt amazing, but not amazing enough. “Clitoral stimulation darn it! I require clitoral…. Mngh!” Blue magic closed around Twilight’s snout.

“Shining knows exactly what he’s doing, sis. Please be quiet and let him work.” Cadence slammed a muzzle of magic force over Twilight’s snout, and nuzzled in between Twilight’s plump cheeks and started licking her ponut. She ran her tongue around it in slow circles. The soft, tingly sensation made Twilight’s lower belly burn. But it didn’t make it burn enough. She needed release! She needed release before they got caught and had to stop!

Shining Armor’s tongue probed deep into her, licking every part of her pussy. Every stroke sent tiny electric sparks up her spine. Mgh. So good. She needed to cum, and she needed it now. Maybe if she used her magic she could…

A magic suppression cone popped into existence around Twilight’s horn. Cadence’s lips pulled away from Twilight’s ponut, leaving it soaking wet. Twilight moaned in frustration. But seconds later something hard and pointy with a rounded tip probed at her ass.

“Ah! Ah! Mgh!” she gasped, jaw straining against her magical muzzle. Horn fuck! An anal horn fuck from an alicorn! The rarest and most blasphemous of pleasures.

“Feeling okay?” shouted Cadence. “We didn’t work out a safe word did we? Clench your ass once if you’re okay and twice if you want me to stop. And a million times if you’re about to cum.

“Mnf!” wailed Twilight, clenching her ass exactly once.

Cadence horn was longer and thicker than the average unicorn’s. Twilight had had many a horn up her ass in the mare's dorm back at school, but never one so big, and usually with way more lube. But that was all right. Twilight liked a little pain. The horn slid into her body, slow and careful, poking its way inside of her, hot and smooth in a way a cock could never be. Though a cock — or at least her brother’s cock — would be much bigger than even Cadence’s horn.

Shining armor slid his tongue out of her, up over her urethra to the ting heart-shaped nub of her clit. Twilight’s clit spasmed in anticipation as he drew close. His big, sloppy slab of tongue brushed over it, and her heart stopped.

“MMMM! MMM!” she groaned through her magic gag. She slid her hips forward until only the small of her back rested on the stool, and only Shining and Cadence’s bodies were holding her up. Then she pumped her hips manically, hind hooves waving in the air. But at no point did Shining Armor’s licks press with more than a feather’s touch on her clit.

Cadence’s horn jammed into her ass until Twilight felt her mane on her butt cheeks. Twilight groaned into the gag, thighs twitching, cheeks burning. Her breath inside the gag blew hot. Sweat trickled down her sides. Her every nerve was tingling, burning, longing for release, but she couldn’t… quite…

Shining pushed his tongue down hard on her clit, ramming it against her pubic bone so hard she felt like she’d been punched. Her thighs slammed closed around his head. Her ass clenched down on Cadence’s horn a million times. Only the gag kept the crowd from hearing her scream over the drums. Mare goo swelled around her pussy, soaking her brother’s chin and her sister-in-law’s head.

The world around her flashed blue. She felt herself falling, and when she landed it was on purple silk sheets. Cadence had teleported them to their hotel room.

“Wow!” said Cadence, backing up slowly away from Twilight’s rear, horn sliding gently out of her ass. “You almost broke my horn off, there. I had such a horngasm, tho! Hell of a sister-in-law, Shiny.”

The restrains around Twilight’s mouth and horn evaporated. “So you came?”

Cadence laughed. “I did, but don’t worry about me. Part of my portfolio as Princess of Love is that I can feel everyone’s little moments of passion. All of them. In a three-league radius. All the time.”

“That’s why she’s such a hornball,” said Shining, wiping his muzzle clean of his sister’s mare goo and licking it off the back of his hoof. “You’d think she’d get bored, feeling that way all the time, but apparently the opposite is true.”

“I just like making other ponies happy,” said Cadence, sliding around behind her husband and running her hooves down his cock, which was hard again. “Speaking of which, show me how you fuck your sister.”

Twilight grinned. “What do you want to see us do?”

Cadence caressed Shining’s balls. He arched his back in pleasure and reached back to stroke her thighs. “Well, what did you do that one time you were together?” she said. “Sweet mare-on-the-bottom, in the dark?”

Shining blushed. “Well, she was on the bottom.”

Twilight lifted her hind legs up, rolling herself up until they rested against the headboard. Then she reached down and spread her ass cheeks with her forehooves. “Well, there was some kissing, and he hoofed me on the sofa, and I blew him under the dinner table, and we took a shower together. But we can skip to what we did in our parents' bedroom, after that.”

Shining Armor grinned another face-splitting grin and climbed onto his sister with his wife still clinging to his back like she was riding him. He ran his hooves down Twilight’s hind legs to her ass, and then up her big teats and fat belly. Then they rested on her neck.

“Oh, choking,” purred Cadence.

“Just a little,” said Twilight, angling her pussy towards her brother’s cock. He jammed it forward. As massive as it was compared to her little body — or anypony’s body, really — her pussy lips were so soaking wet that he slid right in.

“Oh! Yes!” cried Twilight, feeling her brother’s cock spreading her open. He was painfully thick; stretching her pussy wide. She gasped as he rammed her womb-hatch, knocking the wind right out of her lungs.

“Harder!” she moaned, and he did it again, so hard she saw white. His strong hooves pressed slowly down on her neck, compressing the carotid artery. He pistoned on top of her, perfect muscles moving beneath his sweat-soaked coat. She looked into his passionate blue eyes.

“Twily,” he moaned. “Twily.”

“Hurt me, BBFF,” she groaned.

He jammed his cock into her, pushing her up the bed until her skull hit the headboard. Stars flashed across her vision.

“This is really hot,” said Cadence, “But it’s also pretty vanilla. I was expecting more.”

“There is more. But I’m really enjoying this sweet pussy,” Shining Armor grunted. “It’s so tight and silky easy to fuck.”

Cadence giggled. “Easy to fuck as opposed to what?”

Shining Armor answered by pulling his cock out of Twilight, leaving her cunt empty and aching. He slid his flare down between her plump ass cheeks and rammed it into her ponut.

“Ow! Owie! Don’t stop!” moaned Twilight.

“Ooooh, dry anal,” said Cadence, still clinging to her husband’s back.

“Not that dry,” said Shining, grinding his flare against his sister’s asshole. “Have you seen how wet this messy little slut gets?”

Twilight moaned with satisfaction and bore down, opening her ass as wide as she could. Shining popped inside of her, sending a rush of pain and a satisfying sensation of being filled through her lower abdomen. “BBBFF!” she yelped. “Fuck me!”

Shining Armor gritted his teeth. “Ngh. So tight. Hurts.”

“You love it,” said Cadence. “You masochistic sluts both love it. Like brother like sister.”

Twilight was too wrapped up in the feeling of her brother spearing her ass to reply. Pain and pleasure radiated through her tummy as he drove deeper, inch by inch. His hooves tightened on her throat, and she began to feel light-headed. She felt his medial ring bounce off her ponut, hammering at it until at last, it slid in. She bit her lower lip. Shining’s movements blurred in her vision until he was a handsome white and blue streak.

“She’s drooling,” said Cadence. “Her eyes are looking a little glassy, too. Is she okay?”

“I’ll let her breathe in a second. Watch this.” His horn-blur flickered to life, leaving bright streaks in Twilight’s vision. His magic clamped down on her clit. Spikes of pleasure shot up the middle of her tummy the roof of her mouth tingled. Her whole field of view flashed blue and purple. Her legs kicked. She thrashed under Shining. One orgasm built into the next, a series of increasing fireworks that made her consciousness flicker like a candle in the wind.

Shining Armor’s hooves left her throat. “You okay, Twiliy?

“Ooooohhhhh…” groaned Twilight.

“Oh, she’s drooling so much she’s getting the bed wet,” said Cadence. “Now what?”

Shining Armor laughed and began cautiously sliding his cock out of her ass. “Twily, mind if I cum in your throat like I did last time?”

Twilight tried to form words, but that part of her brain wasn’t working right now. She responded by wriggling off BBBFF’s dick and rolling over so her head was hanging off the side of the bed.

“Oooh,” purred Cadence. “Ass to mouth. Nasty. Gonna get off you to get a better view.”

“Are you fifteen?” said Shining, climbing off the bed. He stood on his hind legs over Twilight’s head, stroking his shaft with both hooves and swinging his balls over his sister’s face. She leaned up to let them slap back and forth across her forehead and cheeks.

“Emotionally fifteen, physically nineteen, forever and ever,” said Cadence, lying next to Twilight on her side. “You’re a lucky stallion.”

Shining Armor grunted. “I am.” He stepped back and angled his cock towards his sister’s lips. She inhaled, smelling his cum and her pussy and her ass on it before opening wide. As soon as her lips were open he started pushing, popping his scalloped flare inside. Twilight gasped, feeling her lips strain into an‘O’ like the mouth of a blowup doll.

“So hot,” purred Cadence, her horn glowing. Twilight felt magic press against her sore clit and her aching asshole.

“Isn’t she?” said Shining, gripping Twilight’s ears and using them to pull himself into her mouth. Twilight closed her eyes and savored the sensation of her brother’s cock pushing through her mouth and down her throat. She gagged softly, eyes watering, but she didn’t care. She loved it. She opened her eyes to watch Shining’s balls swinging back and forth, inching slowly towards her face.

“I was talking about both of you. You’re beautiful together.”

Shining popped his medial ring past his sister’s lips. “Gonna… Gonna cum.”

“Soak her, Shiny. Soak her until her own brother wouldn’t recognize her,” purred Cadence.

The magic against Twilight’s clit and ponut quickened. Her lower belly started to burn again. One of her hind legs started to kick uncontrollably.

Shining pumped his hips, fucking his sister’s face with ruthless abandon. She felt him drive deeper into her, sliding down into her chest, sliding down until she felt like he was ramming her tummy from the inside. Sparks of pleasure started to fly up her body under her skin. Cadence, alert to Twilight’s state, rammed her magic into Twilight’s ass and pussy all at once. Twilight screamed around her brother’s cock. The world went white, and then dark.

The next thing she knew her throat was aching, raw and empty like her ass and her pussy and Shining’s cock was pulsing over her face, shooting jet after jet of his rich white seed down her neck and over her chest. Before he was even done, Cadence started to lick it up. She ran her tongue over Twilight’s silky purple coat and leaned up to drool cum into her mouth.

Twilight swallowed and grinned. “Thank you, big dis.”

“No problem, baby sis,” said Cadence, eyes sparkling.

“Can I… can I stay with you two for the rest of the honeymoon?” said Twilight.

”Yeah, can she?” said Shining Armor.”

Cadence laughed. “You two beat me to it. Yes. Very yes. You can stay with us forever.”

When the three of them finally fell asleep, cuddled in a pink, white, and purple tangle of legs and tails and horns, sunlight was coming through the hotel curtains.