"So... what's the backpack for?" Twilight asked curiously. She was alone, which was strange since Toby would of assumed she would have escorts as a princess.

"Just - going for a hike," Toby grunted. "Need some air."

"On a work day?" Twilight pressed, raising an eyebrow. "Does your boss know about this?"

"Yeah yeah, she er - she came up with the idea, actually," Toby lied quickly, turning away.

"Oh really? Will she say that if I go ask her?" Twilight asked shrewdly.

That did it. Somewhere deep inside, an emotional cork blew. A massive, unexplainable feeling of rage boiled up inside of his chest. He glared at the princess so angrily that his teeth bared and trembled. "Then go ask her, nosy. Or you can just remember that it's NONE OF YOUR FUCKING BUSINESS."

Twilight half-gasped and stumbled slightly. "T-Toby?"

"It's literally just a hike!! A mental break! SO JUST LEAVE ME BE AND PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR OWN JOB AS A PRINCESS!!!" Toby bellowed, kicking a rock at her. "YOUR DUTY IS TO THIS COUNTRY, NOT ME!!!!"

He took off running before Twilight could get another word. After a few hundred yards he stopped and caught his breathe. What the hell was that? Who did she think she was? His overbearing mom?

Surprisingly enough, he didn't feel guilty. Instead he just was happy to be off scott-free. Not only that, but away from the ponies to his great delight. He still felt awful of course, but it was a step in the right direction. He continued to walk through the woods, making sure he headed in one direction and one direction only. He didn't want to end up back at Ponyville.

Panting, he looked up at the seemingly endless spread of trees before him. Taking a deep breath, he began walking. His mind wandered as he moved through the trees, despite his best efforts to distract himself with the tranquil atmosphere around him. He couldn't shake this nervous, guilty feeling that continued to make his gut sink further with every step.

He was so confused, everything that had happened to him since finding himself in Equestria only weighed even more heavily upon his mind. None of the ponies, bar Twilight and Fluttershy, always seemed to treat him based on whimsical unproven rumors. Or at least, that's what it seemed like.

A twig snapped behind him, causing him to spin around and peer at his surroundings. Did Twilight follow him? Were those wolves coming after him again? He nearly forgot about them...

After a couple minutes of intense silence, there was nothing. Toby took a deep breath to calm his nerves and continued forward. He couldn't help but look for a large piece of wood to help him defend himself as he walked.

Eventually the trees thinned out and he found himself at the top of a very top cliff. Mist shrouded the trees far below, but he could just make out the leaves. For a brief moment, he thought about jumping.

Just that one thought, one single thought, and he began to shake his head. Now it was not just fleeting. Toby grit his teeth and forced himself to take a couple steps backward. He could not let himself go out like a coward... right?

Now that he really thought about it, when had there been a moment where he wasn't a coward? Coming home from Vietnam, saving his own skin rather than his friends on several occasions, and now he was running from his problems again. Maybe this time it could actually be the end... or would that damn God he used to believe in send him to some other place as another cruel joke?

Toby looked to his right and realized that he had subconsciously let his bag slip off his shoulder to the ground. He turned once more to face the cliff. Last time he had jumped, he survived... but Peace wasn't here to save him again. He would certainly be unstoppable this time. Besides, those ponies would find something else to be flaky about.

Luna's smiling face came to the front of his mind, and he froze. A bizarre mixture of sadness, anger, and regret bubbled up. It was no mistake that he couldn't help but love her still, as much as he wished he didn't. What was wrong with her?? Leading him on, only to turn what seemed to be a nice community against him...

He forced a laugh. It was all just a huge joke, wasn't it? Just a huge, disgusting joke. A joke where he would eternally be the punchline. It sounded cheesy in his head, but most jokes had an ending didn't they?

Maybe it was time he really ended this one. The final punchline.

It was at that moment he didn't even feel human anymore. As he slowly paced up to the edge, he wondered when he had lost it. Was it after 'Nam? Was it after Marietta abandoned him, before making a last ditch effort to find him?

Would someone do the same for him here?

Toby laughed. He remembered all those times the ponies had been visibly upset about his self-harming acts. In all fairness, it was mostly unheard of in this world. They would undoubtedly be upset if they ever found out about this time, but at that point he wouldn't be around to see it.

That last thought made him chuckle. His chuckle slowly turned into a small laugh, which slowly escalated until he was on his knees. It was so ironic, taking his own life in a world of happy ponies and rainbows.

His laughing died away into cold silence once more, and he looked down at the forest with a deadly feeling of motivation. This time it had to work, or else none of this would ever be over. He sat down fully and dangled his feet off the edge, trying to calm his nerves. It was a long way down, after all.

This was it. This was really it. He was finally going to die. He pushed himself off and immediately felt the thrill of adrenaline at the lack of solid ground. His heart and stomach rose up to his throat as he fell, and he closed his eyes.

He felt something soft underneath him as his fall came to almost an abrupt halt. The flapping of wings could be heard underneath him, and he could feel himself slowly rising up again.

He opened his eyes and saw navy blue fur. Without really realizing he began to hold on tighter. The cool wind tickled his face with every beat of the wings. Slowly they came to a stop, and Toby slipped to his knees on solid ground once more. He already knew who it was, but he didn't think much of her at the moment. He wasn't thinking mostly at all.

"Toby..." said a very quiet, soothing voice. It trembled slightly, causing his gut to wrench. "Did... did I do this?"

He felt shocked for a moment and found himself looking up at Luna. Her eyes were locked onto him in a gaze of disbelief, and the sides of her cheeks were soaked from tears.

Toby was lost for words. He expected her to be angry at him for attempting suicide. A lecture, at the very least. He would have expected her to be sad, of course, but not like this...

"Is it m-my fault?" Luna asked quietly. "Toby, please... talk to me..."

"What is there to say??" he snarled suddenly, causing her to jump. "I thought we had something, you had me CONVINCED!!"

"We do!" Luna yelped. "Toby, I know you're upset -"

"HOW MANY MORE TIMES WILL THIS KIND OF THING HAPPEN TO ME!?!?" he bellowed, rising to his feet. His vision became watery. Luna's pupils shrunk as she finally realized. "HOW MANY... how many more..."

Toby slumped to the ground, suddenly feeling immensely exhausted. He didn't want to move nor breathe. "There was only one way for it to end, Luna."

"Did I do this to you? Am I just as bad as... her?" Luna asked.

"You should know," Toby moaned. He felt as pathetic as he sounded.

"Please, you must listen to what I have to say," Luna pleaded, taking a shuddering breath. "I made a mistake... and it hurt you."

Toby remained still and silent.

"I was frustrated because you... you were pushing everypony away again! All Clarity had wanted to do was help, even if it wasn't in the right way, and you..." she took another deep breath before continuing. "I was upset, I ranted about it to a shopkeeper and at the bar. I forgot that others still look up to me like a princess... and then everypony hated you."

Toby just gazed at her. No words came to mind.

Luna squatted down. "I know you probably don't trust me. I want to apologize, I j-just don't know how to!!" She began to cry. "Toby, I love you! You are the best thing that's ever happened to me! So don't l-leave m-me!!"

Toby could see it in her eyes, she was desperate. She was telling him the truth.

He clenched his fists. "I... I'm sorry."

Luna went silent in shock. "Why are you apologizing? Toby-?"

"I'm so sorry for everything," Toby grunted, and tears began to fall. "I'm always confused, Luna. I mess everything up, don't I? Everything bad happens to me, so many bad things that I don't even know what is good anymore! H-Help me... I don't know anymore... the things that I have done..."

He felt a sudden warm embrace and felt as if he could melt into it. Luna had gently wrapped her wings around him and stroked his hair with one hoof.

"I can't live like this... it never ends, Luna..." Toby choked. "I can't be loved, can I?"

Luna kissed the top of his head. "I'm not going anywhere. Marietta can go buck herself. I can succeed where she could not."

Toby looked up at her. "Er, yeah..."

Luna hugged him even more tightly. "I made a mistake because I was not patient enough. I'm sorry, Toby."

He laughed before worming his way out of the hug. "Okay, you big cheeseball... I'm sorry for not trusting you. I know I was used to bad things, but... I promise I won't run away from you. I just... can't go back to Ponyville."

"I understand that my mistake will have lasting consequences," Luna sighed before smiling. "Despite that, Ponyville is just one small town in a large country."

Toby raised an eyebrow at her. "What are you talking about?"

"My sister and I had a small little retirement cottage next to the ocean over near Las Pegasus... if you wish to settle with us there," she added slyly.

Toby paused. "So... I wouldn't have to...?"

Luna giggled. "Nope. You could start a new life in Las Pegasus, and Tia and I would support you along the way."

Toby turned a bit red. "So wait... are we still...?"

Before he knew it Luna had closed the distance to him and kissed him. Everything around him turned to a blur. He felt the urge to jump into the air and shout like he did as a kid.

When they separated, Luna smiled at him. "I don't ever remember breaking up, do you?"

Toby suddenly felt his limbs give away from relief. He smiled, but this time it felt like a true smile. Luna helped him to his feet and pecked him on the cheek.

"Let's get back so we can pack up your stuff," Luna said softly. "You don't have that much, do you?"

"Considering I've built half of my furniture, not really," Toby laughed.

"But they're so prettyyy," Luna cooed. "Ooh, I know!! We can pass them down to our children when they move out!"

"What!? Children!? That's so far away!!" Toby sputtered, embarrassed.

"Of course!!" Luna tinkled. "But before that happens, we're getting married on the beach. Can you see it?? Ooh, how romantic!!!"

"L-Luna!!"

As the couple retreated back towards Toby's cabin, the man felt a sense of hope he hadn't felt since getting accepted into college. Hell, he knew things weren't going to be good for him emotionally at first. He was certain that he had Luna by his side now, and that made a hell of a difference.

He now had hope. Now, things would get better, he was finally sure of it. He would never, ever forget the traumas he had suffered. They would probably weigh him down - but now they seemed like an issue he could truly tackle.

Because no matter what, they would always be the things he carried.

END

Author's Note

I intentionally left it with an open ending, how it continues can be left to your imagination.

A lot has happened recently, and I apologize for the wait. After all, I did make a promise to you guys that I would finish it.

I didn't want to half-ass it, though. I wanted to do the story justice and end on a note that wholly impacts the plot in a meaningful and hopefully uplifting way. Any spinoffs or sequels are more than welcome! I hope you enjoyed the read, and hopefully I can churn out more stories in the future!