[St. Jimmy]

I walked across the streets with a cocky look on my face. The preparations for the fair were being taken down, not that I had participated anyways. The fair was a stupid idea, all these ponies getting together in ‘harmony’. Did they not know that ponies had secrets? Secrets that could destroy a relationship if they wanted? The idyllic personalities of the ponies drove me insane. They had no right to live like that, no under such an absolute power such as Celestia.

I ran down the streets with a pony I had never seen before, he attended the fair, said his name was ‘Clear Opal Sunrise’. He obviously was a huge rebel and punk, just like me. His face is a bit screwed up and sunken, but overall, he was a white unicorn with a very straight-laced mane. He had grown it out, but why he decided to tend to it, I don’t know. His mane was black, and his eyes were red. The most distinct feature was his lack of a cutie mark, though I had a cutie mark, I appreciated his lack of one. He hadn’t put himself in a bucking box like others had.

I, on the other hoof, was a coal-black earth pony. My mane so screwed up and long that it was painfully obvious I hadn’t tending to it. It’s too much work anyways. My mane was red, and my tail was likewise, another thing I hadn’t bothered tending to. I had red eyes, as well. I had a cutie mark, but it was a spiked hoof-bracelet, if it meant that my future was being a punk, a gladly accepted it.

I ran along the street with Clear Opal, wanting to cause as much havoc as possible. I didn’t want to be a silly Equestrian idiot with their relentless songs and sickening happiness. The nation was entirely localized by Celestia, a ruthless dictator who once sent her sister to the moon. She came back, but me and Clear Opal both agreed that it was obviously for good publicity. Celestia want to seem like too much of a tyrant.

With Celestia and her damn rule, me and Clear Opal were determined to overthrow the government, make it ruled by the ponies themselves instead. Democracy is what we all wanted, not a single bucking ruler, multiple.

The worst part about me and Clear Opal, was that no one seemed to agree with us. I’d been around Suburbia, and I’d asked, but no one agreed. So I was determined to do this again, even though the fair that just finished was the Summer Sun Celebration... sickening.

Me and Clear Opal continued running towards the local park. When we arrived, I quickly found a pony. I stayed behind while Clear Opal ran ahead.

“So,” I asked the nearby stallion, a red pony with glasses and a brown mane, also tended to, for some reason. “What do you feel about finally overthrowing the silly dictator Celestia?”

The stallion looked at me fearfully, he knew my reputation, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

“Why would we want to overthrow a nice ruler?” he asked, obviously uniformed.

“Celestia-dammit! You ponies are useless!” I shouted, reaching my rather low breaking point.

The stallion looked at me with another look.”You just used her name in vain.”

“Dammit! I don’t care about using her bucking name in vain! She is not a god, she’s a tyrant, and you ponies need to learn that, eventually.”

The red stallion shrunk away from me, and I went to find Clear Opal, pissed off at literally everypony in this park.

I found him trying to talk more ponies into our cause, I dashed in and pulled him away from the conversation.

“Did you get anypony?” I asked with venom.

Clear Opal Sunrise shook his head.”Nope, just as useless as the stallion I heard you yelling at.”

I nodded. We needed to get to Canterlot as fast as we can and knock Celestia off her throne.

“At this point,” I said,”we should hitch a ride to Canterlot and attack Tyrant Celestia ourselves.”

Clear Opal Sunrise looked at me.”But, St. Jimmy, everypony knows your reputation. We won’t be able to get a bucking ride.”

“I don’t care!” I shouted.”We will find a ride and we will overthrow Celestia.”

Clear Opal Sunrise looked at me.”I might know a couple ponies from Suburbia.”

“Do you now? I thought they wrote you off as a silly rebel, just like me. That’s we we relate, we’re punks for real though!”

Clear Opal Sunrise started running again, and I followed him. The houses flew past us, all of them looking identical to the last. Just the same hay roof with the wooden siding, living together in perfect harmony. The emphasis Equestria put on harmony got worse by the second. I personally thought that society should be as disjointed as possible, all of us following out own rules. Thought they said it was just ‘my opinion’ even though it was clearly right.

I noticed that Clear Opal Sunrise ran away to do something, I hoped it was graffiti. I looked around for him, and found him with some Stanolzolol down an alleyway. I motioned him out and continued running toward the edge of Suburbia. I continued musing with me inner thoughts, all the pro-Celestia propaganda was just that, propaganda. Almost all of it mentioned her ‘kindness, compassion, and reliability’. To that I say, what bucking kindness sends a relative to a bleak place with no food or water for a millennium. If she had any remorse, she wasn’t showing it.

It’s time for a new fight to begin, all across Equestria. A fight to rule this ourselves, a fight for tomorrow. What would we do with Celestia? Maybe throw her in the dungeons she never tells you about under her castle. Everyone was suspicious when Meadow Song went missing for a month, I have to say, I read about it. He was thrown in the dungeons for speaking up, he was shocked into submission, I wouldn’t bend to the whim of some pony because I was told to.

I noticed that Clear Opal Sunrise was back so I turned to him and asked,”How do you even know people in suburbia?”

Clear Opal turns to me.”It’s a long story, ending when I met you, St. Jimmy. It’s about the worst nickname in the world, The Celestia of Suburbia. That’s me, in an unfortunate situation, and I’ll tell you how I bucking got there!”

Author's Note

Bet you haven’t seen Tyrantlestia for a while.

Stanolzolol is a steroid for horses, and will be replaced Cocaine in this story.

I know this will be a heavily divisive story, and I have to say that I share none of these opinions. They are written onto St. Jimmy because American Idiot was like that.

So yeah, Celestia getting the Ron the Death Eater treatment, St. Jimmy being a jerk to pro-Celestia supporters and cursing up a storm due to it, and a drug addict.

Fun for the whole family! Amiright?