Equestrian Idiot

by Qibli2

Rating: teen
Tags: Profanity, Slice of Life, Alternate Universe, Narcotics, Drama, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2169

Clear Opal Sunrise is well-known in his community. But, he gets mixed up with a stallion called St. Jimmy, a good-for-nothing punk with no morals. Nothing good happens.

((Based off of Green Day’s groundbreaking Rock Opera, American Idiot.))

Clear Opal Sunrise has a few morals, although not very good ones. He dislikes Equestria’s government type, and wishes to be free. Soon, he meets a stallion called St. Jimmy, who gives him the chance to fight the government.

After all, Clear Opal just doesn’t want to be an Equestrian Idiot.

((Written in first person across multiple ponies... kinda, you’ll see what I mean.))

Published 2019-06-19 19:40:02 UTC
Last updated 2019-07-18 01:15:57 UTC

Equestrian Idiot

[St. Jimmy]

I walked across the streets with a cocky look on my face. The preparations for the fair were being taken down, not that I had participated anyways. The fair was a stupid idea, all these ponies getting together in ‘harmony’. Did they not know that ponies had secrets? Secrets that could destroy a relationship if they wanted? The idyllic personalities of the ponies drove me insane. They had no right to live like that, no under such an absolute power such as Celestia.

I ran down the streets with a pony I had never seen before, he attended the fair, said his name was ‘Clear Opal Sunrise’. He obviously was a huge rebel and punk, just like me. His face is a bit screwed up and sunken, but overall, he was a white unicorn with a very straight-laced mane. He had grown it out, but why he decided to tend to it, I don’t know. His mane was black, and his eyes were red. The most distinct feature was his lack of a cutie mark, though I had a cutie mark, I appreciated his lack of one. He hadn’t put himself in a bucking box like others had.

I, on the other hoof, was a coal-black earth pony. My mane so screwed up and long that it was painfully obvious I hadn’t tending to it. It’s too much work anyways. My mane was red, and my tail was likewise, another thing I hadn’t bothered tending to. I had red eyes, as well. I had a cutie mark, but it was a spiked hoof-bracelet, if it meant that my future was being a punk, a gladly accepted it.

I ran along the street with Clear Opal, wanting to cause as much havoc as possible. I didn’t want to be a silly Equestrian idiot with their relentless songs and sickening happiness. The nation was entirely localized by Celestia, a ruthless dictator who once sent her sister to the moon. She came back, but me and Clear Opal both agreed that it was obviously for good publicity. Celestia want to seem like too much of a tyrant.

With Celestia and her damn rule, me and Clear Opal were determined to overthrow the government, make it ruled by the ponies themselves instead. Democracy is what we all wanted, not a single bucking ruler, multiple.

The worst part about me and Clear Opal, was that no one seemed to agree with us. I’d been around Suburbia, and I’d asked, but no one agreed. So I was determined to do this again, even though the fair that just finished was the Summer Sun Celebration... sickening.

Me and Clear Opal continued running towards the local park. When we arrived, I quickly found a pony. I stayed behind while Clear Opal ran ahead.

“So,” I asked the nearby stallion, a red pony with glasses and a brown mane, also tended to, for some reason. “What do you feel about finally overthrowing the silly dictator Celestia?”

The stallion looked at me fearfully, he knew my reputation, and I wouldn’t have had it any other way.

“Why would we want to overthrow a nice ruler?” he asked, obviously uniformed.

“Celestia-dammit! You ponies are useless!” I shouted, reaching my rather low breaking point.

The stallion looked at me with another look.”You just used her name in vain.”

“Dammit! I don’t care about using her bucking name in vain! She is not a god, she’s a tyrant, and you ponies need to learn that, eventually.”

The red stallion shrunk away from me, and I went to find Clear Opal, pissed off at literally everypony in this park.

I found him trying to talk more ponies into our cause, I dashed in and pulled him away from the conversation.

“Did you get anypony?” I asked with venom.

Clear Opal Sunrise shook his head.”Nope, just as useless as the stallion I heard you yelling at.”

I nodded. We needed to get to Canterlot as fast as we can and knock Celestia off her throne.

“At this point,” I said,”we should hitch a ride to Canterlot and attack Tyrant Celestia ourselves.”

Clear Opal Sunrise looked at me.”But, St. Jimmy, everypony knows your reputation. We won’t be able to get a bucking ride.”

“I don’t care!” I shouted.”We will find a ride and we will overthrow Celestia.”

Clear Opal Sunrise looked at me.”I might know a couple ponies from Suburbia.”

“Do you now? I thought they wrote you off as a silly rebel, just like me. That’s we we relate, we’re punks for real though!”

Clear Opal Sunrise started running again, and I followed him. The houses flew past us, all of them looking identical to the last. Just the same hay roof with the wooden siding, living together in perfect harmony. The emphasis Equestria put on harmony got worse by the second. I personally thought that society should be as disjointed as possible, all of us following out own rules. Thought they said it was just ‘my opinion’ even though it was clearly right.

I noticed that Clear Opal Sunrise ran away to do something, I hoped it was graffiti. I looked around for him, and found him with some Stanolzolol down an alleyway. I motioned him out and continued running toward the edge of Suburbia. I continued musing with me inner thoughts, all the pro-Celestia propaganda was just that, propaganda. Almost all of it mentioned her ‘kindness, compassion, and reliability’. To that I say, what bucking kindness sends a relative to a bleak place with no food or water for a millennium. If she had any remorse, she wasn’t showing it.

It’s time for a new fight to begin, all across Equestria. A fight to rule this ourselves, a fight for tomorrow. What would we do with Celestia? Maybe throw her in the dungeons she never tells you about under her castle. Everyone was suspicious when Meadow Song went missing for a month, I have to say, I read about it. He was thrown in the dungeons for speaking up, he was shocked into submission, I wouldn’t bend to the whim of some pony because I was told to.

I noticed that Clear Opal Sunrise was back so I turned to him and asked,”How do you even know people in suburbia?”

Clear Opal turns to me.”It’s a long story, ending when I met you, St. Jimmy. It’s about the worst nickname in the world, The Celestia of Suburbia. That’s me, in an unfortunate situation, and I’ll tell you how I bucking got there!”

Author's Note

Bet you haven’t seen Tyrantlestia for a while.

Stanolzolol is a steroid for horses, and will be replaced Cocaine in this story.

I know this will be a heavily divisive story, and I have to say that I share none of these opinions. They are written onto St. Jimmy because American Idiot was like that.

So yeah, Celestia getting the Ron the Death Eater treatment, St. Jimmy being a jerk to pro-Celestia supporters and cursing up a storm due to it, and a drug addict.

Fun for the whole family! Amiright?

Celestia of Suburbia

[COS]

I was the son of parents who excessively fought, somehow, they simply didn’t divorce, they still loved each other. On the few occasions when they weren’t fighting, they talked to me about the ‘truth’ of Celestia. I didn’t believe any of the shit they spoke about, and nopony else did either. I was scorned at in my home town of Suburbia, I didn’t know what to do to gain any reputation back. I was just a normal pony, for the most part. I wasn’t quite the rebel I certainly became.

I took a trip to the edge of Suburbia, looking for a way to live, and to be recognized. A random 7/11, and abandoned one. The 7/11 where some ponies had scoffed at my religious upbringing, where I stopped believing. The motto of that particular 7/11 was ‘home is where your heart is,’ but I knew that not everyone’s heart beat the same. There was no true home for anypony.

I walked into the 7/11, where the doors hadn’t been locked, just abandoned. My hooves clopped on the floor as I literally ran into what looked to be a snack stand. My head was down, and I was in a poor mood, amd on the walls of that abandoned 7/11 were what changed my life forever.

“Be a rebel, nopony can hate you for that, adopt your upbringing, be it religious, sacrilegious, or the like. You can be the best person you can be, but it doesn’t matter if no one likes you. You have to be rebellious.”-St...

The graffiti was unfinished, but I knew right then what I was going to be, the Celestia of Suburbia.

“I thought you hated that bucking name!” St. Jimmy yelled, as we hid in a brick alley so no one would discover us.”And when do you start getting to the good stuff? The rebellion and shit! No one bucking cares about you becoming the Celestia of Suburbia!”

“Jimmy, I’m getting there.” I retorted.”It took me a while to find the truth about how rebellion is the true way to go!”

St. Jimmy grunted, and I continued.

I trotted back home, undergoing the same poisoned stares I always received. My rebellion started small, some Stanolzolol, some Mary Jane, soon, I lost any semblance of a good person within me.

Suburbia quickly noticed my heavy sneaking out, my heavy trashing of the Celestial religion and leadership, and of course, the drug usage.

Well, after all, that Celestial Bible stuff said to be perfect, and of course I couldn’t hold up to that, nopony can! They were all hypocrites in all the worst ways. They preached that you had to be perfect when they themselves couldn't. Everypony was just born and raised by hypocrites.

I wasn’t going to find redemption until I died, so I was going to live the craziest life I could, the life I was told to live.

Since Suburbia was getting very interested in my rebellion, I started to gain a following, I became a gang leader. I didn’t give a buck about what anypony said, and my rebellion grew.

The were the followers of my rebellion, they called themselves,’The Disciples of the Celestia of Suburbia.’

I had taken my past and weaved it into something great through the power of rebellion. There were some ponies who still didn’t care about my rebellion. She tried to tell me to stop being a rebel, and I was perfect the way I was.

Well, I wasn’t perfect, and that made me really mad.

I was somewhere between insane and wondering how well my rebellion would actually go, and my parents attempted to set me up in therapy, which didn’t work. Eventually, the sight of Suburbia started making me depressed.

It felt like I was just suffocating under all the attempts from my parents to make me a better pony, and ironically, me being worse made my parents’ love stronger. They hardly ever fought anymore, they were united on one common enemy, and that enemy was me and my whims.

With a healthy supply of Stanolzolol, I decided that I was going to run away and find my own beliefs, my own place to be a punk. My rebellion had quickly decreased with my insecurities, and several Disciples didn’t follow me anymore, found me to be a washed-up punk from a religious family, back to the laughingstock of the city.

I lost my faith in Celestia here, and I wasn’t going to live with that. I’d crossed the line more times than I could count, and 8 was going to live with that.

I wasn’t sorry for leaving, there was no place left for me, and the life of a drifter is one I could grow accustomed to.

I left a note for my parents, I was leaving, it was just tales from another broken home.

I wasn’t alone, and I still had some followers, so I left with them.

“You haven’t mentioned your Celestial rebellion yet!” St. Jimmy whined.”I want to hear the shit that actually matters, the bucking anti-Celestia shit! The whole point for this bucking ‘Equestrian Idiot’ rebellion!”

“St. Jimmy, I like you, and am somewhat responsible for looking for another rebel. But I’m not finished, the anti-Celestia shit comes from the part of Luna spending most her life on an unintended holiday.” I said.”We’re getting into the point soon.”

Author's Note

The longest song on the album has a shorter chapter than the American Idiot one, fitting as the rest of the album up until ‘She’s a Rebel’ is going to be backstory, so get real comfortable.

Yes the chapter is a little rushed, but I could find no way to do it. And that Drama tag will only get involved when Whatsername comes in.

Constructive criticism is allowed an encouraged!