What Might Have Been

"Artemis. It's nearly time for the summer solstice rites. Are you ready?"

"I won't be coming," said Artemis through the door.

"What?"

"I won't be coming."

A moment later Solaris opened the door, despite the fact that it had been locked. He strode into the room, gently radiating sunlight, and looked down at where Artemis was sprawled on a couch, one foreleg over his eyes. "Does this have anything to do with a certain incident some weeks ago, when you apparently chewed out a young priest in the Royal Voice, in hearing of half the ponies in the cathedral?"

Artemis said nothing.

"Said young priest has been demoted back to dusting duty, I'm told."

"Good," Artemis muttered.

"Shall I convey that sentiment to him?" asked Solaris with a wry smile. "He could always be thrown out of the priesthood entirely, after all."

"No. I want nothing more to do with him."

"And the solstice?"

"I'm not going. You can't force me to go."

Solaris sighed. "No, I can't. Very well then."

He left, leaving Artemis alone in the dark.

Artemis stood on his balcony. The moon was just rising, his will and the moon's own power gently easing it up into a sky still stained faintly with sunset color.

He had almost not raised the moon, that first night after his fight with Bright Path. But in the end the habitual duty had been strong enough to overcome his black depression. He had done pretty much nothing at all since. He had no desire to work on his sun mirror, nor to paint, anymore. He also wanted nothing to do with the Neigha Sophia, or any of his other churches or cathedrals. He had no intention of setting hoof in one of them again.

He knew it was wrong of him to avoid his duties, but what use was he at such ceremonies anyway? Solaris could do everything he could, save raise the moon. And he didn't need to be surrounded by adoring—or more likely indifferent—ponies in order to do that.

Other duties, however, were not so easily put off. He'd put them off all the same, but he was quite aware that there was a room elsewhere in the palace, in halls where paper ruled as much as Emperors did, and in that room there was a desk whose piles of paper were growing higher with each passing night. If he didn't attend to it soon he would never catch up.

And then the Empire itself might fall, he thought wryly. These days it runs on paper more than on anything else. And papyrus, and even sometimes parchment, when we're dealing with gryphons. He shivered just a little thinking of that. It was always a little disturbing, handling parchment documents. They'd once been the hides of living things, even if said living things were just animals and not thinking beings.

He pushed such thoughts out of his mind and turned to leave the balcony. The moon was up now. It was time to go back out into the world. It was early enough that there were many ponies still up and about in the halls as he went. He nodded acknowledgment of those who stopped to bow, but otherwise ignored them. He did, however, have to speak with a few ponies when he arrived. Those heads of the various bureaucratic departments that had grown up around the empire over the centuries insisted on talking to him. They reported to his brother about many things, but the official records they kept were Artemis' responsibility.

He managed to make a dent in the pile of papers on his desk, but he had by no means finished everything when he rose and headed back to his rooms. That would have taken not only the rest of the night, but the next day and perhaps the night following as well, and he was feeling tired.

Artemis did some of his sleeping during daylight, but it had long since grown too inconvenient to be awake only during the hours of darkness. Art supply shops, for one, were seldom open after dark. He only needed to be awake to raise the moon, it could set without his conscious direction. So he had begun to sleep away the later parts of the night. He resented it a bit sometimes, but the world was what it was. So now, in the early hours before the dawn, he was more than ready to collapse into his bed.

The halls were dark and deserted as he walked back to his room. He considered teleporting there, trying to decide if the difficulty of winking to somewhere you couldn't see outweighed the difficulty of walking. Perhaps...

"Why hello there."

Artemis looked up to find a gryphon walking down the hall towards him. The purring, contralto voice and slender build of the creature suggested it was a female. He halted and gave her a nod, wishing he could just ignore her. He wanted to get back to his room and sleep. But a gryphon in the palace was probably here with some delegation or other, and Solaris would be very put out with him if he caused an international incident.

That purring voice, with its exotic gryphon accent, continued. "Lord Artemis, is it not? My name is Altani. It is a pleasure to meet you." She walked towards him with a predator's sway in her stride. Something about that captured his attention. She could not be literally stalking him. Yet there was an unmistakable attitude of the huntress about her. "What brings you to be here, walking the halls, at this hour?"

"I should ask that of you," Artemis said, a little stiffly. "The night is mine, why shouldn't I be out in it?"

"Ah yes." She stalked closer, then passed by him, a wing just brushing along his side. He shivered at the touch. Her scent, musky, feminine, a predator's scent that made his heart race instinctively, filled his nostrils. "The Lord of Darkness. The Herald of the Moon. All that. Should I bow?" She circled around him as she spoke, brushing up against his other side now, and then bowed, her wings half-spreading as she did, before him. He couldn't help but think that the crouched posture was far too much like that of a big cat prepared to spring. Her tail lashed as though she too was thinking of pouncing. "Or is there some other service I can offer you, pony god of night?"

"I..." Artemis fumbled for something to say. He was not socially graceful in the best of situations, and the gryphoness had him completely off balance.

She grinned up at him, and rose, standing very close now. Artemis was frozen in place, his heart pounding. She stalked up as if to rub against him in passing again, but this time stopped, her head bowing, and ran her sharp, hooked beak along the edge of his folded wing. She took one small feather in her beak and preened it lightly. Artemis shuddered, his heart suddenly pounding for a very different reason. He wasn't sure how it was among gryphons, but among pegasi preening was an act of intimacy. Your mother preened you as a child, and siblings might as well if they were demonstrative sorts, but no one outside your family would besides a lover.

"I was headed back to my quarters," she said, her voice purring even more than it had before, "but perhaps I could be headed to yours instead." She preened another feather, her beak tugging at it, sliding along it sensuously. Artemis had to bite back a moan. "If you desire it," she murmured as she did. "Do you?"

Artemis took a deep breath. It had been a long time since his last lover. He had never taken a gryphon lover before. But why not? He wasn't afraid of trying new things. Altani worked her beak along yet another feather and he didn't quite stifle the soft moan this time. "Ohh.. I think I do, yes."

She released the feather and raised her head. "Then let us go. I'm sure your chambers are much more comfortable than this empty hall."

He nodded and led the way towards his rooms. Altani followed, still walking with that predatory prowl, a smile on her face. Every time he glanced back at her his heart pounded with a mix of instinctual fear and desire. Part of his mind, the primitive equine part, was convinced that he was being stalked by a predator that meant to kill him. Another part found that dangerous thrill more exciting than he could have believed possible. He wondered what he was getting into.

As dawn light began to filter in through the curtains drawn across the balcony doors Artemis had a pretty good idea what he'd gotten into, but he still wasn't sure how to feel about it. Altani lay sleeping beside him, her fierce face peaceful in repose.

Artemis wasn't able to sleep, despite his tiredness. One reason for that was the set of deep, bloody scratches across his withers. Altani had not been as careful with her claws as she could have been. Not that he'd objected to what she'd been doing when they'd been made. Still, even though he'd hardly felt them at the time, they ached now.

Another reason was his conflicted feelings about Altani. She was incredibly attractive, and he had very much enjoyed everything they'd done together. Yet always before his lovers had been friends, or at least from among his most devoted worshipers. Altani was neither. Presumably. He knew essentially nothing about her, for all he knew she could be some strange aberration, a gryphon who numbered herself among his followers. It might explain why she'd approached him. But he doubted it.

He turned the problem over a few more times in his mind. He'd liked the sex, it had been intense. He didn't want this to be a one night stand, he wanted to do it again sometime. Simply approaching Altani when he wanted sex, however, didn't quite seem right.

Well, he could get to know her. They weren't friends now, but they could become friends.

He nodded to himself, feeling a little better. They would get to know each other, become friends, and enjoy the... benefits of that friendship.

With his mind set at ease he was finally able to close his eyes and drift off to sleep.

When Artemis woke again, it was less than an hour until sunset, and Altani was gone. He yawned and stretched, wincing as the motion pulled at the claw marks on his back. He climbed out of bed and wandered through his rooms, idly considering various of his half-finished projects. He came across the pair of paintings still half finished, sitting on their easels. His horn lit in a flash of sudden anger, sending them... elsewhere. He was sure Solaris wouldn't mind. It felt good, in a petty sort of way, to think of the paintings being flashed into instant ash and then the ash reduced to plasma in the heart of the sun. An idle thought suggested that Bright Path himself could be treated to a similar fate. A little horrified that he'd even thought it, Artemis put that aside. He wanted nothing to do with Bright Path again. He wouldn't even think about him.

The sun mirrors had to follow the paintings, in aid of that particular goal, and for good measure he sent the crucible and the bricks along too. And the extra soapstone. And the bead making tools.

All that done, he felt a little better. Perhaps he would do something different tonight. A little stone carving perhaps, or maybe he would work on a mosaic...

He raised the moon without even bothering to go out to his balcony, hock-deep as he was by then in little bits of colored stone, sorting out the pile so that the colors would be ready when it was time to glue them down. He would have stayed there all night, except that getting out the paper to sketch a design on reminded him of his desk, and the pile of paperwork waiting for him there.

He considered putting it off again, then decided he'd better not. Heaving a sigh he brushed stone dust from his coat with a flick of magic and went out into the halls, headed for his duty.

He didn't get very far before a familiar, purring voice stopped him in his tracks.

"Greetings, Your Majesty."

He turned, seeing the gryphoness lounging against the wall in a side hall that intersected the one he'd been walking down. "Altani." He nodded at her. "Please, call me Artemis."

She stalked up to him with that same slow, sensuous walk. Artemis found his breath coming a little faster just from the sight. "I hope you enjoyed our time together earlier."

"I did, yes."

"And it seems that I did you no damage." She rubbed up against his side, drawing the sharp tip of her beak along his back, where the marks she'd left were no longer visible at all. He shivered.

"Uh. Nothing permanent. It healed when I raised the moon. The moon's power does that for me."

"Oh? Interesting. Will it heal no matter where the marks are?"

The look she was giving him worried Artemis a little bit. "Y-es," he slowly responded.

"Very interesting indeed." She ran her beak through his tail, combing the starlight-strewn strands. He shivered again.

Altani continued past him, drawing her tail along his flank as she passed. "Coming?" she asked. Artemis hesitated for a moment. He was supposed to be getting something done tonight, doing his duty for the Empire. Then he looked at the retreating tail, swaying with that predatory, stalking stride, and followed.

This time Altani led the way to her own room rather than his. It was just a single chamber, and the bed was a little smaller, but there was still plenty of room for them both. There was also no other furniture in the room.

Altani immediately sprawled comfortably on the bed, but Artemis sat on the floor instead. He remembered his earlier resolution. He was going to become friends with her. That required talking.

"So what brings you here to Coltstantinople?" he asked.

Altani looked at him with an indulgently amused expression. "You want small talk before bedding, hmm? Well, I suppose we have many hours of night left to us, so why not? I came here because I was bored, and it was a place to go. My cousin was chosen as ambassador, and I convinced him to take me along. I find the endless meetings with your brother quite boring, however, so I am no longer an official part of the delegation."

"But you're still in the palace."

"I wish to be. Generally I get what I desire. Tonight, Artemis, pony god, I desire you."

Artemis flushed. Her boldness wasn't something he was used to. Only Solaris had ever been so bold with him.

Altani laughed at his blush. "I see that pony gods are much like mortal ponies."

"I am still a pony, even if I'm not a mortal one."

"What makes you different from a mortal pony then? We gryphons have no gods, you know. Only our shamans, who speak to the world and the powers of the world."

Artemis considered this. "I suppose I am a bit like a shaman. But one who can only speak to the moon. Yet I am the only pony who can speak to the moon, and use its power. The only creature of any kind, as far as I know. The Herald of the Moon is one of my titles, the one who speaks for the moon. As Solaris is the Envoy of the Sun."

Altani made a dismissive gesture. "I will not speak of him. He bores me. Let us speak of you, if we must speak."

Artemis felt a warm flicker at that. She wanted him, not Solaris. Of course he was pretty sure that if she'd wanted to bed Solaris she would be out of luck. Several centuries years ago, in a rather drunken revel not long after Artemis had allied with him, he'd declared himself too much stallion for any mare. As far as Artemis knew he'd never changed his mind about that. But I'm not here to think about my brother right now. I'm here to become friends with Altani. "I'd rather talk about you," said Artemis, smiling. "Tell me about yourself."

"There is little to tell. I think, in any case, that I have had enough of talking. Come here."

Artemis hesitated. He wanted to get to know her. "I kind of wanted..."

"No." She waved a claw. "We have talked. Now the time for talking is ended. Come here, or go and find some other ear to hear your talking." She stretched out on the bed on her stomach, wings half flared, tail flicking. She looked back up at him and very deliberately raised her tail up. "See, you will even be safe from my claws for now. I have heard you ponies call it bucking. Come here and show me how a pony god bucks."

Artemis licked his lips. He did want to be her friend, but there would be other times for that later he was sure. Seeing her stretched out invitingly like that, leaving nothing at all to the imagination, certain parts of his anatomy were in full agreement with Altani that it was time to stop talking and start bucking.

"Artemis? Are you there?"

Artemis hard the muffled voice, along with the sound of a hoof knocking on his door. He was lying in bed, having once again slept the day almost entirely through after being up all night with Altani. Since he hadn't raised the moon yet, he had another set of bloody furrows down his back. This time there were some on his rump as well, crossing over his cutie mark, which had proved to be rather sensitive. He still wasn't sure how he felt about that. It always seemed exciting in the moments before, and even sometimes in the moments during, but afterward it hurt like Tartarus.

"Artemis? I'm going to come in."

He blearily recognized Solari's voice, and found his stomach sinking at the prospect of talking to his brother. Still, he started to climb out of bed.

Before he could get to it, the door once again opened, despite being locked, and Solaris stepped into the workroom. He looked at Artemis, just climbing out of the bed. "Forgive me for waking you, I didn't realize you were asleep."

"It's nearly time for me to rise in any case," said Artemis, crossing to the doorway, trying to keep his face calm and not show the resentment he felt to see Solaris invading his rooms uninvited. Solaris no doubt meant well, but Artemis never liked it when he came here. If he'd shown any scrap of interest in the work I do here maybe it'd be different. Artemis put that thought aside too and waited to see what Solaris wanted.

"Well, I'm glad I'm not bothering you. I just..." Solaris stopped, and sighed. "I'm a little worried about you, Artemis. You missed the solstice, and you haven't left the palace since. They tell me you've only been to your office a handful of times. And..." he glanced at Artemis' claw-marked flanks, but apparently decided to let that matter lie. "Is something wrong, brother?"

Artemis scowled. "I'm fine."

"You're sure? If you need help..."

"I don't need yours," snapped Artemis, then regretted it.

Solaris' ears went down and he took a step back. "Artemis..."

"Sorry."

"Will you be coming to the equinox rites?"

Artemis looked away. "No."

"Why not?"

"You don't need me there. Nopony will miss me, I'm sure."

"Of course ponies will miss you. You are the one who created the rites. You founded this faith, and built the cathedral, and designed the ceremonies. You've presided over them with me for centuries now. Yes, you will be missed."

"Oh yes. I created it all. But what pony even remembers that? They call the cathedral yours, they call the faith yours, they call the sky itself yours! I'm barely a footnote now. They clamor to be in your priesthood, and only join mine as second choice, if they can't get a space in yours!"

"That's not..."

"And what does it matter anyway? Why should I bother? I've spent centuries being a god to ponies, for what? They all love your day. They all sleep away my night. They all love you. It took a gryphon to decide to love me first, and not as a second choice! So why should I even try?"

Solaris snorted and stomped one foot. "Well if you think nopony worships you now, you'll certainly have no worshipers left after you stop presiding over your own faith! There are already rumors..."

"I don't care!" Artemis' pale, star-flecked mane was whipping around him and he knew he was on dangerous ground, but he didn't care about that either. "Now leave me alone! I don't need your concern. I can take care of myself."

For a moment light gathered around Solaris, his own golden mane stirring in a solar breeze, but then it dimmed again. Solaris took one long, deep breath and let it out. "Very well," he said softly. "But if you ever do need me, I am there for you."

Then he turned and left, shutting the door behind him.

"There for me," said Artemis bitterly to the empty room. "Just like you were there for me when I wanted your input on my work. Just like you've always been there for me. There when you're not busy, there when your precious ponies don't come first, there when it suits you. Right. You're there for me."

Artemis leaped off his balcony into the night sky. It was autumn now and the night sky was chill. The moon above was the barest sliver of light. He felt it, in his bones. Even as the moon's power was diminished he felt himself somehow diminished. Usually on such night as this he stayed in and did nothing much. Teleportation was too much of a chore, with his energies so low, and flying wasn't much better. Tonight, however, he was on a mission.

He spiraled up, gaining altitude, then turned and flew over the palace. A particular bit of roof caught his eye and he swooped down to land on it. There was a trap door, just where he'd hoped one would be. His magic lifted it and he slipped inside.

The door gave access to the servant's halls, a series of passages that honeycombed much of the palace, letting the ponies who served there come and go without notice by the elite they served. Artemis moved through the halls, his hooves sounding softly on the plain tiled floors. Soon he reached the bureaucratic offices. He slipped inside the nearly deserted space. A single lamp glowed at one of the desks, a clerk there copying something out. He looked up, his eyes going wide. "Your Majesty!"

Artemis nodded. "Carry on," he said and crossed the room. A few more empty rooms and he reached his destination. His own office, the desk there piled high with paper.

"Made it," he muttered. "Now, to get some of this done."

Many hours later the sound of voices as a few early rising clerks began to arrive told Artemis it was time to go. He put out his lamp and rose. His back ached. But the pile was much smaller than it had been. "Mission accomplished."

He considered going out into the main halls. But Altani kept very odd hours, she might still be out there. Better to be safe than sorry. With the waning moon leaving him feeling listless and drained he hadn't felt able to deal with her. Now that several hours of mind-numbing numbers while hunched over a desk had been added to that problem he definitely didn't want to deal with her.

So he retraced his path, drawing more startled looks from the ponies at their desks. He made it to his own balcony without incident, thankfully. Inside he drew the drapes over the door to the balcony and flopped down in his bed.

He put a hoof over his eyes and sighed. Even when the moon began to wax again, it might be a good idea to avoid the halls. Altani was exciting and arousing, and when she was there he had a hard time resisting her. But all she ever wanted to do was buck, to put it crudely. She never wanted to talk, that second night was still the longest conversation they'd ever had. And no matter how things started, she always ended up injuring him.

I want a friend. I wouldn't mind having a lover. But I don't want to be someone's sex toy. And I'm not sure I like being a chew toy either.

He rolled over, trying to get comfortable. But it wasn't his body that wouldn't let him sleep, it was his mind. Somehow his boring, sedate life had turned into a complicated mess and he had no idea what he was going to do about it.