Fallout Equestria: A Touch of Spice

Brynhildr ran around her Papa’s legs, eager to see their new home. She had eaten properly for the first time in weeks, and after a nap was feeling very energetic. Her wings buzzed and her mouth streamed a seemingly endless amount of questions at anyone who was within ear shot, barely pausing for them to answer a single one of them. Arriving at the gates of the place that Papa said her destiny awaited was the most exciting feeling she had ever felt!

They walked up a long driveway, and Bryn saw loads of different rocks and twigs, there were even some leaves on some of the trees. She flew up and tasted one, but it was ashy and gross. Papa made her spit it out.

Before long they reached a courtyard, and Brynhildr’s eyes widened as she tried to take everything in. There were several smaller houses, and a few buildings that looked almost brand new, but the biggest house was an absolutely enormous one right in the middle. It was really high and had lots of windows, some of which were even intact! There weren’t many holes either, and there was a very high fence that ran around the entire land, complete with ponies guarding the top of it.

She turned to her Papa, tugging at his leg. “Is this a city?”

“No, little one. This is my home.” Marble Strikes smiled at the filly, who turned to stare at him in wonder. “And it is now your home too.”

“My home too.” Bryn echoed, once more gaping at the sight around her. Ponies were everywhere, and there were so many smells and sounds. Big ponies, little ponies, huge ovens with bread inside baking, and cauldrons of bubbling fragrant soup. One pony was ripping the tops off cans of food, pouring them into the pot and then using his magic to crush the cans into tiny little cubes. She watched with curiosity as he floated the small cube over to a pile of them, where another pony was carting them off to a strange building that smelled of hot metal and rang with the banging of hammers.

She wandered around the encampment while Papa and Lord Strikes spoke with some other ponies, licking a few things here and there to check them for tastiness. Eventually her ears pricked up, hearing Papa whistle for her.

She flew back to him, spotting him speaking with a grey pony with a pink mane, and strangely enough some blue glasses perched upon her nose. Landing beside him, she nuzzled under his wing, his comforting smell an oasis amongst the strange new world.

Papa nudged her towards the pony, introducing them.

“Bryn, this is Buttermilk. You’ll be the guardian of her daughter. Buttermilk, I’d like to present my daughter, Brynhildr.”

Brynhildr gazed in awe at the gorgeous and elegant pony towering above her, glamorous pink mane done up in loops of graceful braids with twinkling violet eyes that gazed down through her glasses, a mysterious look deep within them. She was so clean, and Brynhildr could swear she smelled like candy. Her eyes were drawn to a pair of lovely grey and yellow wings nestled at the sides of the pony.

A pegasus!

Did that mean she would be protecting a pegasus foal? Maybe they could go flying together? Brynhildr jumped around in circles squeaking with delight, imagining all the adventures she would go on, flying around the skies with a best friend for life. Maybe she was even as pretty as this pretty pegasus! A real, live pegasus!

Her father laughed, catching her and holding her still so the grey pegasus could greet her.

“It is a pleasure to meet you, little Brynhildr. I’d like to introduce my daughter, Bubble Spice. It would be an honour for one of Princess Luna’s royal guards to become her guardian.” Buttermilk moved, revealing a small filly about Brynhildr’s age standing behind her tail.

Brynhildr stared at the foal. And kept staring. This wasn’t a pegasus. It was a hairball with legs. This was her special job? To protect a pink and green puffball? Who didn’t even have wings?

Ridiculous.

She snorted, turning her nose into the air. “I won’t. She doesn’t even look worth protecting.”

The purple eyes peering shyly out at her from behind Buttermilk narrowed in rage, but Bryn felt her father gently place a hoof on her head, then not-so-gently turn her face towards his stern golden eyes.

“Lord Strikes has opened his hearth and home to us. You will earn your keep protecting this filly, or you will be back out in the wasteland. What would Princess Luna feel at such a shameful display?”

Abashed, she kicked a hoof across the dusty ground. Papa didn’t get mad much, but when he did she knew better than to argue.

“Sorry Papa. I will protect the puffball, from this day until the end of my days.” Her Papa smiled as she recited the ancient promise, releasing her head and standing up to talk to the pretty pegasus again.

“I’m sorry, I think she was just excited that she might have had a flying buddy.”

“It’s alright, Bubble may be an earth pony, but she is more than a handful as well. I’m sure with time they will get along just fine.” Buttermilk leaned down, scooping her daughter towards Brynhildr with her tail. Bryn couldn’t resist a small sneer at how useless the puffball was. “You two play nice while I introduce your Papa to the staff, alright?”

The two adults walked into the main house, leaving Brynhildr alone with the brightly coloured tangle of hair.

“So…..You can’t fly at all?” she asked hopefully.

“No wings, dummy.”

“I’m not a dummy. I am a guardian of the night!”

“Guardian of the toilet, more like.” The filly glared at Brynhildr, who bristled in rage at the insult to her ancestors.

“You take that back!”

“Will not! Toilet guardian!”

“Well I’m supposed to be guarding you so I guess that makes you the toilet!”

The filly released a shriek of rage, diving onto Brynhildr in a flurry of kicks and punches, and she fought back, biting into the puffy mane trying to find her neck. She would teach her the wrath of bat ponies!

The foals fought, dust from the road kicking up in a ball around them until they were unceremoniously pulled apart by the scruffs of their necks, suspended in an apple red glow of magic. The unicorn that had separated them was very, very tall, and had a very, very big frown upon his face.

Brynhildr gulped.

“What is the meaning of this behaviour, Bubble Spice?” His sharp gaze turned on Bubble, who seemed to shrivel under the withering gaze.

“Nothing, Sir. It was a silly disagreement.”

Brynhildr’s mouth opened in shock. How dare she lie?! This was an outrage! An outrage for all bat ponies everywhere!

“It was not you big liar!” Brynhildr turned to the scary pony, missing the terror on Bubble’s face and her desperate signaling for Bryn to shut her mouth. “She called me a toilet guardian! It’s not MY fault she is a useless earth pony!” She stuck her tongue out at Bubble, who face-hoofed.

“You were disagreeing over who is more useful, wings or not?” The stallion known as Sir glared at the foals, setting them down on the ground. “Such poorly disciplined behaviour has brought shame upon the house of Lord Strikes! Why, when I was a younger stallion, we never answered back to our elders, instead we treated them with the utmost respect! We didn’t quibble over ridiculous notions of who had wings or not for that is irrelevant within the wasteland! Only those who can survive will make it, wings, horn or hoof! It is how well you can fight that determines how useful you are! The most useful fighting style can be argued of the Fallen Caezar Style but...”

The stallion continued his rant, now describing the effectiveness of two different oddly named fighting styles, ignoring the two foals sitting before him. His voice was oddly nasal and droning, something like the sound of cicadas. Brynhildr stared at the stallion, then turned her stare on Bubble, who had now sat down in front of the teacher with a bored look on her face, her mouth moving along with his words. Clearly this was not the first time hearing this particular lecture, no wonder she had lied! She had wanted to spare Brynhildr from being bored to death! Bubble caught Brynhildr’s stare, turning her face away in a pout with an audible “Hmph!”

Bryn sank to the ground, facing away from Bubble with an equally dark glare on her muzzle. This was supposed to be the start of a new life, and already she was being murdered by Sir with his boring rant and boring voice. Papa was a fool, now she would die of boredom. Here Lies Brynhildr, Greatest and Coolest Bat Pony, Killed By Boring Sir.

The teacher continued his rant well into the afternoon, until Brynhildr felt like her ears were going to fall off from the sound. Bubble Spice’s eyes had taken on a thousand yard stare, Bryn wasn’t even sure she was still alive. Finally the voice trailed off, and he seemed to blink down at them as if realising they were still there.

“Well then, I see you have calmed down,” He said, jolting Bubble into sitting attentively as if she had been that way all along. “What have you learned?”

“All fighting style have their advantages and disadvantages, and relying on wing, horn or hoof alone is the fastest way to meet a swift end, Sir.” Bubble answered mechanically, and Brynhildr felt a touch of awe. She had actually paid attention?

“Well done! Now run along, foals should not idle for too long.” Dismissed, the teacher ambled into the broken down schoolhouse, now mumbling to himself about the youth of today being lazy.

“Is he always like that?” She asked Bubble, her eyes wide.

“Yup,” She sighed gloomily. “Every day we have lessons with him, and every day he is so boring. Lord Strikes says the lessons are an in-ves-ta-ment but I think he just wants us to die of boredom.”

“How do you stand it?! I thought my ears would explode! You even answered him correctly!”

Bubble drew an angry face in the dirt, adding comically large eyebrows. “You learn what to say to make him go away a bit sooner. Didn’t actually need to listen after a while, he’s always got the same stories on fighting styles.”

Together the foals sat in front of the schoolhouse, taking turns drawing increasingly larger and angrier faces in the dust, turning one into a dragon with the face of the teacher.

“RAWR!” Bryn growled, giving him fire-breath. “I am Sir-dragon and I want to kill you with long and stupid words!”

“Oh no!” Bubble pitched her voice high and helpless, dancing two pebbles in the drawn flames. “We are but two foals who just want to have fun! Whatever shall we do in the face of this boring dragon?”

Zooming one of the pebbles high, Bryn crowed. “We fly away!”

Bubble instantly looked away, angry tears in her eyes. “You don’t have to tease me, you know. I know Momma has the bestest wings, and I don’t have any. It’s not my fault I was born like this.” Big tears spilled over her cheeks, and she wiped them away with a dirty hoof, leaving smudges across her fur.

Bryn felt a bit guilty, she had been a bit mean before. “I’m sorry, no wings isn’t even that bad. You’re an earth pony, and Papa says no pony is stronger than an earth pony. So that’s pretty cool.”

“You think so?” Bubble sniffed, her big purple eyes looking hopefully at Brynhildr. Bryn felt a twinge in her heart at the pure trust and cuteness being radiated right at her on full beam.

“Of course! Being strong is amazing! Nopony can beat you in a hoof wrestle!”

Bubble giggled at the pose Brynhildr had taken, one hoof thrust into the air.

“I don’t think you are the Guardian of a Toilet either. I’ve never seen a bat pony before, can I touch your wings?”

Bryn grinned, extending out the soft wing membrane, delighting in Bubble’s gasp of awe as it shimmered in the afternoon light.

“It’s so pretty! It looks like it’s glowing!” she gushed, a soft hoof gently touching the wing, leaving a smudgy trail. “It’s so smooth. I’ve never seen a wing without feathers before.”

“Papa says bat pony wings are built different to show that we belong to Princess Luna.”

“What is she like?”

“I don’t know, Papa said she lived in the sky and that I mustn’t ever fly above the clouds to see her because there are evil ponies up there who shoot lasers out of their eyes.” Bryn frowned at the sky. “I think that is very selfish of them to keep all that sky on their own. One day, for just a moment, I’d like to fly with nothing in front of me, just open stars.”

Brynhildr blushed, realising she had just said something super lame to her new friend, but when she looked at Bubble she was staring at the sky with a contemplative look upon her face.

“One day I want to go to Canterlot.” Bubble turned towards Brynhildr, keeping her voice low. “Momma says I can only go where Lord Strikes gives me permission to, so one day I want to get permission to go to Canterlot and see where all the prettiest ponies lived.”

Bryn spat on her hoof, extending it out to Bubble who looked faintly repulsed.

“Then we will do it! One day we will go to Canterlot together, and we will fly high above the clouds to get there. No pony will stop us! Promise?”

A smile broke out on Bubble’s face, and she spat upon her own hoof, bumping it against Brynhildr’s.

“Promise!”