Bucking The Trend

by deadpansnarker

Rating: everyone
Tags: Diamond Tiara, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Snips, Romance, Fluttershy, Snails, Comedy, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life
Length: 2700

So, what were Snip and Snails motives for accumulating so much money during buckball season?Snips reasons are kind of obvious, but Snails.. well, he just might have other ideas. Perhaps involving a special somepony? Follows the episode Common Ground

So, what were Snip and Snails motives for accumulating so much money during buckball season?Snips reasons are kind of obvious, but Snails.. well, he just might have other ideas. Perhaps involving a special somepony? Follows the episode Common Ground.

Published 2019-05-07 00:00:02 UTC
Last updated 2019-05-07 00:00:02 UTC

A Snip Off The Old Block

The big buckball tournament in Appleloosa was finally at an end. Having whooped the opposition's furry butts (with a lot still left in the tank afterwards) Fluttershy, Pinkie Pie and Snips returned home to a hero's welcome on the Friendship Express the following day.

The journey back itself was quite uneventful, save for the unfortunate pony stoking the coal in the engine room on the way. The other staff got to him before he was too badly burnt, but from that day forth he swore never again to discard his banana skins on the floor...

Hmm, let's save that particular tale for another time, shall we?

Right now, we should be focused more on the ecstatic throngs of grateful supporters who've lined the Ponyville streets, waving their buckball-associated paraphernalia in the air and screaming for just a glimpse of their undisputed champions.

And to think, it had only been really popular for about a year. Previously, the players could wonder round in blissful anonymity... now, most couldn't even take a step out of their front door without some fruit loop trying to ambush them head-on.

Oh, for the halcyon days before sponsorship, media hyperbole and greedy agents corrupted the game! Before, it was just about friendly competition between two competitive sets of pals... now, everyone wanted a piece of them. Both figuratively, and literally.

"We'll never get through that crazy crowd unscathed... and I promised the Cakes I'd take over for them at six so they could attend the big buckball rally!" Wailed Pinkie, upon seeing the merciful masses outside just waiting to pounce. "...Hang on, I should be at the 'big buckball rally' myself, as one of the representatives of this fine sporting franchise! How is that gonna work out? Plus, did I even tell them I was going away in the first place, so I could get time off? Uh oh..."

"Twilight said she'd look in on my animals whilst I was away, to feed the little darlings and give them the emotional support they so desperately need." Fluttershy made a point of ignoring Pinkie's usual nonsense, and changed the subject to something closer to her own heart. "I do hope she followed the list of instructions I left her, instead of relying on another of her 'expert' books. I don't think any of those authors, as experienced as I'm sure they are, have ever dealt with a rabbit quite like Angel."

"Uh, yeah." Snails was a little too young to deal with such 'adult' dilemmas, and the only reason he'd been allowed on the trip unsupervised in the first place was because his longtime bestie Snips was tagging along. "So are we stuck here forever, or what?"

"I hope not! How am I supposed to spend all these lovely bits, if me and my buddy can't even get home?" Snips referenced the shamelessly effective new business he'd set up to exploit Snails's fame in any way possible.

"Rainbow said she'd go on ahead, to get some help from the other Wonderbolts in clearing a path." Pinkie informed the buck-toothed colt in a rare moment of lucidity. "I just hope by then, I still have a job. If I know Gummy well enough though, he'll have covered for his mistress while she was gone. Ooh, I just can't wait to see him again and squeeze all the gooey mucus out of that pretty green head!"

"W-Wow, it's really getting crammed out there..." Fluttershy remarked whilst glancing out the window, a little taken aback by all the attention they were getting. "But if I can play in a stadium full of thousands miles away, surely I can deal with a shrieking mob in my own hometown, r-right? I just hope Rainbow gets here soon."

"As long as she's doing it for free." Snails humphed, always on the alert for profit margins these days. "After all, I already have my own bodyguard and promoter."

"Yeah, and I only charge him 5% of his earnings after taxes... which are 20%." Snips proudly boasted, making his slight stature look as tall as possible. "A real bargain, if I do say so myself."

"...But aren't you the one who charge him for taxes, too?" Pinkie inquired in an innocent voice. "I only ask because, and I may be very wrong on this, the Cake twins don't pay any contribution to the Crown from their pocket money, something to do with them being 'children'. Wouldn't Snips fall under the same category, as well? And since when did diapers have pockets anyway?! Hmm..."

Fortunately for a visibly sweating Snips, Rainbow Dash chose that exact moment to arrive with a few of her most physical Wonderbolt colleagues, to sweep a makeshift passage for them past all the die-hards waiting in the wings.

Once everypony was at a safe distance, the players were finally able to exit the train and show off the new trophy to their applauding horde of worshippers outside, without running the risk of being trampled by their periodically terrifying zeal.

It was while the colourful fireworks were exploding in the sky and the team were on their final (they'd been saying that for two hours though) 'lap of honour' that a certain golden-hued unicorn was finally able to slip away.

Snails had been staring into the mass collection of faces for a while now, having already acknowledged his waving parents when first disembarking from the locomotive.

The pony he'd been tirelessly searching for however, seemed to be one of the few who hadn't deigned to show up that manic day.

Feeling exasperated, and already knowing where she lived (who possibly could miss it?) he'd made an agreement with Snips to 'cover for him' while he went off himself to talk to her.

"Hey, anything for the guy who's paying for my new pool!" Snips had replied with a toothy grin, before hopping on four stilts and donning an extremely baggy brownish trench coat.

Amazingly (perhaps because they were too partied out at this point to care), nopony there bothered to spot the obvious differences between them...

...Aside from Rarity of course, who could detect a fashion atrocity at one-hundred paces. Figuring there must be a good reason for the subterfuge though, she decided to keep her mouth shut.

Besides, she still owed the pair from that infamous time they stuck gum to each other's flanks, a story which had almost made her split her sides with amusement when she'd read it in the Foal Free Press way back then.

"They've come such a long way since..." she simpered with admiration, whilst watching the sneaky Snails fade into the distance.

....................................

The place: Ponyville.

The location: Filthy Rich's mansion.

The time: Late. Much, much too late.

After an unfortunate incident which involved whispering loudly outside the wrong window (let's just say, an indignant curved-nose mare had dropped a heavy flower pot on his head) Snails finally thought he'd got the right one this time, and so decided it was second time lucky.

"Pssst, Diamond?" He murmured, hoping that the pink filly in question was as light a sleeper as her mother.

"What the...?!" Mild cursing could be heard from the upstairs balcony, as the occupant inside quickly donned her velvet dressing gown and fluffy bunny slippers to answer the call. "Snails? Is that you?! What on Equestria..."

"S-Sorry about the late hour, Diamond..." Snails shuffled awkwardly from side to side, wondering if he had the courage to blurt what was on his mind. "Can I ask you why you weren't there when we got back from Appleloosa today? Pretty much everypony else was."

"Because Snails, as good as it is to see Ponyville do well in anything, I find the sport kind of... boring?" Diamond decided honesty was the best policy here. "Well done, though! It must have been great to go up onto that platform, get that winners medal in front of everypony cheering you on, and... is that my mom's begonia on your head?"

"U-Um... no." Snails blushed a little, as he quickly brushed it off to reveal the growing lump underneath. "It was just a new hat I decided I didn't like anymore. Don't worry, it's gone for good now."

Before her radical change of heart, Diamond used to find the somewhat dim-witted unicorn's buffoonery both immature and annoying. Now however, it kind of charmed her. "Oh, Snails! And why is your mane so short? Don't tell me Snips has been practicing his talent on your hair? That's one of the most unwise things you can do you know, letting an unqualified..."

"N-No, that's not it!!" Now Snails's facial blush began to cover the rest of his body, giving him a nice ruddy glow. "Snips has been selling mementos of me, including locks of my mane! I can't believe how popular I've gotten, since this whole buckball thing started! It's the best thing I've ever done!"

"I...see." Diamond raised an eyebrow upon hearing this, and decided to raise head-on the topic of the unicorn's more unscrupulous friend. "So if I understand this right, Snips has taken it upon himself to chop off large chunks of you... and he reaps the benefits? I don't mean to sound presumptuous Snails, but that all sounds a bit unfair to me."

Snails wasn't sure what the word 'presumptuous' meant, but if there was one thing he was sure of, it was that his bestie always had his best interests at heart. "Hey, I still get to keep most of the bits!. I don't just do that, either. I also sign autographs, make personal appearances... that sort of thing. And between matches and school, I only have to work 23 hours a day! So I still get to sleep for a bit! Pretty cool, dontcha think?"

"Snails..." Diamond began rubbing her face wearily in frustration, wondering if she could ever get through to this sometimes doltish colt. "Why are you doing all this, anyway? You never told me you wanted to be a rich pony, in all the time I've known you. I thought the enjoyment of playing buckball and just being appreciated by lots of other ponies was good enough for you. What's with this sudden interest in accumulating wealth?"

This is it, Snails ol' boy. It's now or never. The lanky unicorn's instinct told him it was time to confess, so after swallowing the biggest gulp he'd ever taken, he stared up at the curious pink filly on her balcony, with all the stars in the night sky reflected in his widened eyes.

"D-Diamond, Diamond, wherefore art my... oops, that came out wrong, s-sorry." Snails hesitantly apologised, wondering if he was ever going to get this right. "I-I just thought, that ever since the day after the election, a-and you became sorta n-nicer, I've kinda had a c-crus... b-but I thought, I don't have lots of bits like you, I'm nopony special and I'm not too smart. B-But I figured, now that I'm famous, and saved up some money, maybe, just maybe... there might be a c-chance I could make you h-happ..."

Snails could say no more, as his tongue suddenly became paralysed of its own accord. This left the dumbstruck unicorn no choice but to hear Diamond's impending reaction in earnest. What's she going to do next? Make fun of me? Sneer? Laugh? I hope she doesn't laugh at me. I'm not sure I could take that kind of rejection...

For a while though, nothing registered on the pink filly's face other than slight surprise, and the silence of the night became deafening. Slowly though, her lips began taking on shadow of a grin, before she abruptly turned around and crept back into her room without another sound.

Oh no, it's worse than I thought! She doesn't even think I exist, despite my new wealth and prestigiousness! Well, it was always a long shot I suppose, but it was worth the try. Better wander back to Snips and tell him he was right all along...

Snails's depressing internal monologue was cut short however, by the muffled sound of someone descending the huge spiral staircase of Rich mansion, and then approach the front door.

Upon hearing this, Snails became even more agitated, thinking perhaps it was Spoiled Rich back for round two. Next time I come here, I swear I'm packing a crash helmet he speculated nervously.

Fortunately though, all his fretting was for naught. It was Diamond Tiara herself who stood there, still decked out in her night apparel and wearing the biggest genuine smile upon her face the unicorn had seen since she'd gone down the slide that day the playground had been installed. He'd never looked at her the same way again without considerable palpitations.

It was almost unbearably cute.

"You know, Snails..." Diamond's teeth chattered a little in the mild breeze outside. "This is going to sound a little strange coming from me, but money and fame aren't everything. Just look at my mother, who's been chasing both her entire life. I mean, don't get me wrong... I still love her, but it's safe to say when I eventually grow up, the pony I most want to emulate is my father. If the time I was a merciless bully and snob taught me anything, it's not what you are, but who you are that counts. You could be the wealthiest and influential stallion in the world... but if nopony actually liked you, would it all be worth it?"

"U-Uh, I guess not." As usual with long lectures delivered by everypony from Miss Cheerilee to his own parents, Snails kind of checked out halfway through Diamond's speech, but he kind of understood the point.

At least she wasn't shouting at him, anyways. Which was always good.

"That's right." The pink filly grinned even wider, before unexpectedly opening the door to Rich mansion a tad. "Well, aren't you going to come in then?"

"W-What for, Diamond?"

"So we can talk in more detail about your earlier proposal, that's why. I need a bit more time to think it over, but as my father might say, I'm intrigued."

"O-Okay then."

"I also want to discuss this financial arrangement you have with Snips. It seems a little too one-sided to me... and coming from a long line of entrepreneurs, I think I know what I'm talking about."

"U-Um, come again?"

"Basically, I think you're being ripped off. First of all, mutilating your mane with scissors has got to go. No amount of bits is worth that terrible haircut, believe me."

"Well, if you say so."

"Also, tell me what Snips takes off you in terms of percentages. That should be a good indictor as to whether you're being treated fairly or not."

"Hmm... 20% and 5% I think... which makes... hold on a sec... I nearly got it..."

"25%?! For doing almost nothing? That's outrageous! I insist you tenure his resignation immediately, and allow me to take over as your new business partner."

"What, you mean you'd do it for nothing?"

"...Well, I think 10% is a fair compromise, don't you? Certainly a much better deal than you've got now, anyway. Silv can help us out too, if you'll let her. Tell you what... come inside like I said, and we can hammer out the finer details over a cup of chocolate milk."

"Chocolate milk?"

"Well, my daddy drinks something a bit stronger when closing out a contract, but I think I need to wait a few years for that. Now do get in here please... I'm freezing my tail off out here! Also, wipe your hooves and the soil off your head first, please. Randolph will thank you in the morning if you do."

"Y-Yes ma'am!"

"You know what, Snails? I think this could be the start of a beautiful friendship."

"Um, o-okay!!"

Author's Note

I never really thought about this ship before... but after the latest episode, I did. And I kind of like it.

Anyway, thought I'd write a nice Diamond Tiara story for all my followers, because it's been a while. Hope you enjoyed it, and please comment down below. :scootangel: