Escapades of Escapism

by Kamen-Zero

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Cadance, Comedy, Shining Armor, Slice of Life, Flash Sentry
Length: 2820

Sometimes you just need to get out of your boring every day routine. But for some, that's much easier said then done. This is the story of a pony trying to get some much needed escape.

When your run of the mill everyday life gets you down, sometimes you just need to just get away from all of it for a little while. That's especially true when you're the ruler of a nation and the mother to a nearly all-powerful infant.

But one must take special care when choosing how to partake in these episodes of escapism. Otherwise, it won't end up going quite as one planned. And for those of high social standing, special care should also be put into their disguises.

Inspired by the artwork by artiparty over on Tumblr
((Art used with permission))

Published 2019-05-07 05:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-05-07 05:40:01 UTC

The Inconspicuous Pony

Wake up, take care of the baby, run the empire.

Wake up, take care of the baby, run the empire.

Wake up, take care of the baby, run the empire.

That is the most simplistic way one could describe the daily schedule of one Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. More commonly known as just Princess Cadence. Or just Cadence. But tonight, "just Cadence" wasn't even a proper description of this particular alicorn. For today, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza had made the most important decree of her entire life. One that would forever impact her future, in ways that even she could not comprehend at the time.

No more.

Just two simple words. Words that could be used in a number of circumstances, especially in the context of a powerful ruler giving an order. The act of no longer tolerating an unlawful act or policy, a promise to end a long and gruesome war, or a declaration to cease some longstanding injustice. But this specific instance of "no more" was not one to match any of the expectations that I had just thrust upon you. No, this particular instance of the phrase "no more" was more of an overdramatization of wanting to get out of the palace walls and do something normal for once.

The Princess of the Crystal Empire loved her role in its society. She loved her subjects. She loved her caring, supportive, and complete doofus of a husband. And she loved her adorable little girl, even if she did have a capacity for magical mayhem that no child should ever be allowed to have. And the previous exclamation of no more was in no means her throwing all of that away, again it was an over-dramatization. But it was, however, her giving in to her worldly temptations for at least one night. To just get out of the palace, and take some time for herself for the first time in years. She deserved it. And thus, a brilliant plan was hatched within the deepest recesses of her mind, far from the prying eyes of an overly clingy husband and a potentially all-knowing infant.

The first step was a disguise. Princess Cadence was a pony known throughout both the Crystal Empire and the whole of Equestria. Even without her regalia, a candy-colored-alicorn would draw about as much attention as a marching band in a library. So a way to conceal her more outstanding features was in order. Thankfully, sending one of the ponies in her employ on a quick shopping spree was enough to get a proper costume in order. This costume consisted of a brown long coat and a black sweater, as well as a matching hat just to complete the look. After that, it was all a matter of waiting until the fall of night. The shroud of darkness would serve her well in muting her naturally bright color palette.

And so the Princess waited. Just the rest of this day between her, and one night of sweet sweet freedom.

The wait had been long and grueling, but it had been worth it in the end. The day's tasks had been completed, the baby had been peacefully pacified for the evening, and the husband had long since passed out from the intensive strain of having to pacify a baby alicorn. And now, it was time to act. Moving with the grace befitting of a princess, Cadence donned her chosen disguise for the evening and prepared to make her grand escape. But as she overlooked herself in the mirror by the pale moonlight, she couldn't help but feel like something was missing from the ensemble.

What's missing? The alicorn asked of herself, turning round and round before the reflective glass in an attempt to find the one flaw in her camouflage. Wings are covered, my hat is perfect, so what am I missing?

Anxiety rippled throughout the alicorn, she hadn't even escaped her bedroom yet and her plans were already up in smoke. She was going to do so much in the brief period she had allowed herself this evening, and now none of it would ever come to pass. What could she possibly be missing? She wanted to scream, but she dared not wake the slumbering beast. Or her daughter. There was something else she needed, something staring her right in the face.

"That's it!" She blurted before immediately clamping her mouth shut with a hoof. Paranoid eyes looked over to the bed, Shining Armor still lovingly comatose from his evening with Flurry. And if that outburst had wakened Flurry, everypony in the empire would know by now. "That's it," Cadence whispered in glee, still proud of herself for finding the chink in her armor.

Moving ever so carefully as to not cause any further disturbances, Cadence approached the bedside table that she had stubbed her hoof on many-a-night before. But not this night, for she was a mare on a mission. Summoning up her magic as quietly as she could, the table's drawer was opened and the Pièce De Résistance was revealed.

The cool shades.

A gift from the alicorn's sister-in-law. Legends state that these seemingly mundane sunglasses, in the wrong hooves, could bring about a frigged and icy death to the entirety of the world in a matter of moments. At least that's what Twilight had said when she gave Cadence the glasses for her birthday last month. According to the younger alicorn, Cadence was just cool enough to wear the supposedly powerful relic without dying instantaneously, but not cool enough as to bring on a second ice age in the process.

These can't actually be magic, right? Cadence asked herself as she examined the darkened spectacles. She was pretty Twilynanas when she gave 'em to me... yeah, they're probably fine. And with that, no further thought was put into the action as she added the finishing touch to her disguise. The reaction was instant, Cadence feeling at least six times cooler then she had been before putting them on.

Thus her ensemble was complete! Looking over herself one last time in the mirror, Cadence could hardly recognize the pony standing on the other side of the looking glass, and was quick on her way for her well earned night out.

Granted, she could hardly see at all because she was wearing sunglasses at night. But who has time to pay attention to minor details like that?

Ever so stealthfully, the pony who was formerly known as Princess Cadence snuck throughout the crystal-made-hallways of her palace home. Getting past the guards was made easier by Cadence's own brilliance earlier in the day, personally looking over the night guard's patrol routes and look-out points. She had made a mental map of all of it in her head and exploited every single blind spot she had discovered. Her sister-in-law would have been proud of this act of foresight and planning, it would make for an interesting story some months down the road. After all, Cadence wasn't doing anything illegal. There was no such law in place for preventing any citizen of the Crystal Empire from leaving their homes at night— and she was a citizen.

Her eyes lit up as she reached the courtyard, and her exit was all but assured. This was it, she was doing it. She was actually doing it! Princess Mi Amore Cadenza had just snuck out of the most secure location of the Crystal Empire, and nopony was the wiser! As far as they were all aware, their beloved ruler was still sound asleep upstairs. She couldn't help but giggle at that thought, and at the thrill of doing this. She felt like a teenager again.

And now, the triumphant alicorn hummed to herself, It's time for a long overdue reunion with a deep dish triple cheese pizza!

"Princess Cadence?" An unamused voice asked from the shadows. "What are you doing?"

Horseapples.

At that moment, Cadence died a little inside. Ever so slowly, she turned her shocked expression towards her captor. An orange armor clad pegasus looking at her with an expression befitting his tone. Cadence recognized the stallion, he was one of the palace guards. And one of the few non-crystal ponies in the empire. But for the life of her, she couldn't quite put a name to the face at the moment. There were a lot of ponies in her dominion, she couldn't be expected to remember the name of every single one on sight. Was it Flash Gordon? Looking at him closer, she was one hundred percent sure his name was Flash Gordon.

Flash Sentry simply stood there for a moment, looking at the long over-coat and matching hat that his liege had chosen to wear. The words "Really? You're actually trying this?" were painted all over his face. Not literally, obviously. But his current mood was clear as day, even to the alicorn wearing sunglasses at night. He didn't say anything, he simply waited for an answer of any kind.

Cadence stared right back at him, her cool shades slightly sliding down her shocked face to reveal her heavily dilated eyes. If Twilight's extra-dimensional friend were here, she'd likely use the phrase "like a deer in headlights." Cadence didn't know what to do or say, she just stood there like a dope. Eventually, some basic instinct for survival kicked in, and she reactionarily scoffed at his claim.

"Pfft, what? I'm not Princess Cadence! That'd be silly! You're silly... misterguardponyI'venevermetbefore."

Flash raised an eyebrow, looking around the immediate area as if to make sure he wasn't being pranked. "Are you being serious?"

"Of course I am!" Cadence only just now decided that disguising her voice would be a good idea, doing her best to sound as deep and stallion-ey as she could. "Do I look like a princess to you? Just look at my coat and my hat," she quickly gestured to the two ingenious aspects of her disguise, "What kind of princess would wear these?"

"You would, Princess Cadence."

Cadence didn't understand. Her disguise was flawless, how could this mere mortal possibly be seeing through her perfect facade?!

"And I know this because my boss sent me out on an errand today, on the Princess' orders, to buy a hat and coat just like the ones you have now." The pegasus unfurled one of his wings, revealing a narrow strip of paper tucked neatly between two feathers. "And I have the receipt to prove it."

And thus, the one flaw in Cadence's master plan had been made clear to her. Note to self: handle your own disguises, Candy. She chuckled nervously as she jotted down the mental reminder. "And... why do you have that on you?" Her voice shifted into a very high and very nervous octave in the middle of that sentence.

"You know why I have it on me." Flash's words were cold and sterile. He was not having any of this.

Coughing abruptly as to reestablish her persona's voice, Cadence quickly came up with a countermeasure. "Okay then, so the princess wanted a cool hat and a stylish coat. So what? That doesn't mean anything! Lots of ponies could have this coat and hat! They look cool!" Another idea came to Cadence's mind, further stoking the flames of hope burning away inside her. "And then I have these cool shades! I don't see those on that little receipt of yours!"

Flash Sentry sighed. "Alright then, mysterious pony I've never met before, what's your name?"

For the second time tonight, Cadence died a little inside. "... My what?"

"Your name. If you aren't Princess Cadence, you must surely have your own name."

The disguised pony screamed internally. This stallion was determined to just sit here all night poking holes in her perfect persona, with absolutely no regard for her own plans! Sure, she could just break the facade and order the guard to stand down, but this was now a matter of pride. This Flash Gordon fellow didn't deserve the satisfaction of being right, and Cadence was Tartarus bent on proving that she wasn't Cadence. Because right now, she wasn't Cadence. She was just an everyday unicorn pony, who just wanted some peace and quiet, and some one-am pizza. With this persona in mind, she quickly thought up the perfect name.

"Incog Nito!"

There was no visible reaction from Flash. "... Your name is 'incognito'?"

"... Yes...?" I did not think that through.

Flash sighed again, looking to be entirely done with this night. "Alright then, Incog Nito, you're under arrest for trespassing on palace grounds."

I really didn't think this through...

The morning had been a kind one for Shining Armor, especially considering the evening he had last night. Flurry was a good filly, but when she didn't want to go to bed, she did not want to go to bed. Thankfully she had stayed down once he finally got her down, and thus the rest of the night was calm and restful. Which lead to a calm sunrise awakening for the co-ruler of the empire, a lonely one thanks to the mysterious absence of his wife, but it was calm and peaceful.

That is until Shining Armor found a note for him that had been slid under the door during the night. He didn't even need to read it to know what it said, and shortly began to prepare himself for what was to come. After making sure somepony was available to watch his daughter in his and his wife's absence, Shining Armor took a rather lengthy shower to fully wake him up. And then, after donning his suit of armor, he went on his way towards the least visited area of the castle.

The holding cells.

Not very many ponies ever had a reason for being put down there, but there was a rare occasion in which the makeshift prison was necessary. It was the one installation to the architecture from Sombra's rule that hadn't been thoroughly dismantled. After all, they had to keep the troublemakers somewhere. The old wood door creaked open and let the morning sun in. Unlike most places in the palace, this section was not made up of radiant crystal. Instead, it was just cold hard stone and iron. It didn't need to be flashy, it just needed to work.

Shining Armor took a deep breath as he made his way past each of the cold cells within the dungeon, each containing naught but various articles of discarded clothing in a rainbow of styles and variations. Mostly very heavy and very concealing outfits, befitting the winter climate in which the Crystal Empire was situated. Each cage had one outfit a piece, some looking like they had been there for months, others like they had been placed in just a few days ago. The white unicorn remained emotionless as he strolled on through the museum of discarded costumes until he eventually found the only two other living things within these walls.

The first was Flash Sentry, standing guard to the dungeon's one occupant. Standing at attention like all other guards, the only thing amiss being his one black eye. The second pony was very clearly Shining Armor's wife, without question, dressed up in what could only be described as a cheesy private-eye-costume. She sat in the middle of the prison cell with a distraught look on her face, on the verge of tears. If she had noticed her husband coming in, she didn't show it. The pink pony just stared off into space, clearly filled with regret.

Shining sighed again as he approached the castle guard. "So, who is this and what are they in for?" The words were dry and familiar to all those in attendance.

"This is Incog Nito," Flash Sentry blankly replied, "They have been detained for trespassing and resisting arrest."

The unicorn slowly turned his gaze to the incarcerated pony. "Really?"

Cadence said nothing.

"This is the third time this month. You don't have to sneak out, you know. You can just leave and do things. I do it all the time." He turned and gestured towards the injured guard. "And did you really have to hit poor Gordon here?"

This got Flash's attention. "Wait, what did you call me?" He would never get an answer to that question as the two royals continued their conversation without him.

Cadence finally looked towards her stern husband. "Where's the fun in that?"

Shining Armor placed a hoof to the side of his head, sighing deeply as he processed the response. "You know, I'm honestly frightened of what you could do if you put this kind of effort into your actual job."

"I just wanted pizza," Cadence wined.

"I know you did," Shining smiled as he opened the cell door. "We'll have pizza tonight."

The alicorn wined again. "I wanted a whole pizza."