ProJared Cheats On His Wife With Coloratura

by WhatDidIJustRead

Rating: mature
Tags: Other, Coloratura, Sex, Alternate Universe, Human, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1617

ProJared, YouTuber known for his wacky comedic video game reviews and commentary, cheats on his wife with Coloratura.

ProJared is known for his funny gaming videos, but is he harboring a darker secret? When he meets a pony named Coloratura, he can't help but crack lewd jokes around her. She's a fan of his, so she thoroughly enjoys his company. Needless to say, one thing leads to another.

This was a rabbit hole of drama I enjoyed diving into, and wanted to contribute to the dumpster fire the best way I know how: Shitpost fics!

I didn't really watch his stuff, but the way I characterize him is based on the mental image I have of him after seeing a bunch of memes. Feel free to call me out for it if you think I got it wrong, because honestly, I probably did.

As is often the case, blame Majin Syeekoh in part for this. Coloratura was his idea.

Edit: In light of this video, I've largely changed my mind. As a lover of shitposts at heart, I can't delete this story, but hopefully any of you few who read it now can see this for what it is: a joke made in poor taste, and not a reflection of reality.

Published 2019-05-09 21:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-05-09 21:40:01 UTC

Sadsturbation

Jared lies naked in his bed, idly running his hand over his half-mast as his mind wanders over the day's events. Each exhale is accompanied by a sad whimper as fear of the incoming shitstorm floods his thoughts. He realizes that no amount of nudes from fans will save him from this mess.

His wife is gone.

His career is done.

It's all over.

"Where did I go wrong?" he thinks out loud in a gasping squeak as he squeezes his soft member.

The open window above lets in cool night air that kisses his exposed skin, and a shiver runs down his spine, but it's not from the cold.

"You're Coloratura, right?" Jared asked.

He was at a grand annual human-pony party, where minor celebrities from both worlds were invited to mingle. The present location chosen was on Earth, but the previous one had taken place in Canterlot.

"Yeah, but you can call me Colly," Coloratura replied. She was giving him a rare bashful smile. "I'm a huge fan."

Jared's birdlike face wrinkled as he smiled, his bulging eyes lighting up. "Thanks, it's always good to meet a fan."

"I do know that feeling," she said, and her eyes quickly swept over his body. He was lanky and pale, with some bones poking out where they normally shouldn't. His clothes were casual, and she could imagine the pink skin of his oddly adolescent-looking form covered with sparse brown hairs beneath. She licked her lips as she imagined him on top of her, squealing and writhing. "So, I heard you're looking for a player for your... what was it on your world? Dungeons and Dragons? Anyway, for your campaign. I've played some Ogres and Oubliettes myself, and I think the transition would be... smooth." She punctuated the final word with half-lidded eyes and a lick of her lips.

Jared laughed. "Oh, yeah, we are, but the price of admission is that you gotta send me nudes, haha!" he said. "I'm just kidding, of course, but do feel free to send me nudes if you want."

"Well, I'm an exception myself since I'm known for my outfits, but us ponies are usually nude. I assume you mean pictures of the... risqué variety?" she asked.

"Well, yeah, of course. If you do, I can make sure you get in," he said with a shit-eating grin that said that he was joking, but not really joking.

"Well, that can be arranged."

Jared's dick twitched against his pants. "Can I buy you a drink?"

Hot tears spill from his eyes as he thinks of everything he is losing. Will he even have any fans left that will send him nudes? The thought that he won't is somehow even more terrifying than the loss of his once-beloved wife that he had worked so hard to make love him. He growls and yanks angrily at his shaft, masturbating the thoughts away.

It's not over yet. He still has Colly.

"Nice," Jared said aloud, phone in hand, as he looked at the picture of a spread pony pussy before him. Coloratura had a nice, pink marehood that just looked so welcoming. He could hear his wife watching Jeopardy! in the other room. Eyes glued to the mare on his phone, he pulled out his below-average cock and stroked it until it was hard. He took a close-up shot of it, and continued masturbating as he sent it to Colly with a text message.

Look what u did 2 me

Jared slapped his salami until he came all over his t-shirt, and sent a picture of the resulting mess to her, too. After a sigh, he took his soiled shirt off and threw it in with his laundry, putting on a fresh one. He put his phone in his pocket, and went out to cuddle with his wife.

Jared blinks and sighs. If only that bitch hadn't sent him nudes, none of this would have happened. He is sure that Colly is to blame. After all, when he told her to send nudes, he was clearly joking, so why did she do it? His hand moves down, and he cups his balls for comfort as he sniffles. Yeah, it all started because of her.

"I offer to send the necromancer nudes in exchange for freeing the girl!" Jared said, excited by his brilliant plan.

"What is it with you and sending nudes?" the dungeon master asked. "Oh, never mind. Roll a charisma check."

Jared rolled a 20-sided die.

"Natural twenty! Ha, suck it!" he said, giving Coloratura a hinting look. She blushed and turned to hide her face behind her mane. "No, I mean seriously. Suck it. You do want my dick, right? Haha, just kidding."

Coloratura laughed at the clever joke, but her pony bits grew moist. She knew he was married, however, and certainly did not want to cause any trouble. "Oh, you!" she said.

The game continued, and Jared's jokes grew increasingly lewd as he became more bold, even to the point where he unzipped his pants and put his hand down them, poking his finger out through the open zipper, and rubbing the finger with his free hand. Coloratura really loved how much of a free spirit he was, and how easily he made her laugh. Everyone else looked uncomfortable, but since she was not human like them, she was above being bothered by crude humor, and instead found it oddly charming.

The game wrapped up. Everyone went home except Coloratura, who had to be driven back to the Equestria portal by Jared. He didn't seem to be in much of a hurry to bring her back, however. They sat on the couch and talked, and she eventually lay her head in his lap.

"Can you, like, feel my boner right now?" he asked.

She moved her face around, and could indeed feel it through his pants. She nodded. "Yeah, but... aren't you married?"

"Whoa! Hey, I was just joking. Yeah, I'm married. I mean, if I was gonna fuck you, then I'd at least kiss you first. But, I mean, we're not gonna fuck. I mean, unless you want to, haha. Just kidding though," he said.

"So, then I just have to kiss you first?" she asked, heart suddenly pounding. Her hind legs shifted apart ever so slightly.

"No, no, just show me your pussy like you do in your nudes." Jared's cock throbbed, poking her cheek noticeably.

"You sure? You sure your wife won't mind?"

"She can't mind what she never knows."

There it was again. That big, stupid smile. Coloratura couldn't be sure if he was joking. She was frozen with indecision, but her desire for this gangly, childlike human overrode her more rational thoughts. Her legs shifted again, further apart, and her marehood was soon visible to him. Nuzzling at his cock, she moaned softly in anticipation.

Jared unzipped his pants, and this time it was not his finger that popped out. He grasped his member tightly, as if choking it, and pointed it toward her muzzle.

"Well, if you want a good review, you better get suckin'," he said.

The two had awkward sex on the couch, then, with Jared thrusting weakly into her sopping mare pussy while he screeched. He made sure to stop to take pictures several times, and when he came, his face twisted with what looked like comically exaggerated disgust. All in all, it was incredibly disappointing for Coloratura, but she still enjoyed his company.

They fucked several more times over the next couple months.

Jared grunts at the memory. The way she came onto him and basically left him with no choice but to fuck her. Does nobody understand a good joke anymore? His fingers tap a rhythm against his saggy balls. Well, it's too late now. Colly has ruined his life. She basically owes him a new wife, so she had better marry him. He swallows a lump in his throat as he returns to idly stroking his shaft.

Suddenly, a horrifying thought comes to his mind.

The public is going to demand an apology video. How can he make an apology video when he has nothing to apologize for? Another whine escapes his lips, and he begins to cry once more, his fully-erect penis in his hand. The blanket rustles and light fleshy slaps join the breathy whimpers as his regrets all come out in full force.

"What the fuck is this?" It was Jared's wife. She had his phone in her hand, and she turned it toward him. There was Coloratura's mare vagina, on full display.

"What? She's a fan. You know I get nudes from fans," he said, shrugging.

"Nudes? Yeah? Why do I see your dick buried in her fucking pussy then?" she asked, swiping to the next image. It clearly showed him filling Coloratura's horse vagina.

"That's not me."

"Don't lie to me! I know it's you!" his wife yelled. "That's it. We're done. You and me? We're done. Done."

"You can't break up with me! I'm breaking up with you!" he shrieked. "And gimme back my phone!"

Jared's hand moves swiftly. His phone displays porn of ponies on Derpibooru, a site that hosts pony content, and where many of his pony fans had posted nudes dedicated to him. He approaches his climax; the comfort of an orgasm is all he has left.

He cums, his tears still not dry, and his seed splashes onto his bed, where it cools in small, white pools.

He feels empty.

"Colly..." he says. "You're all I have left. You better be worth what you did to me."