Druggie Buggies

by Salty Alty

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Slice of Life, Thorax, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Other, Changelings, Royal Guard
Length: 1108

For the past six months, Thorax and Pharynx have been swimming in the best munchies Twilight could buy. But their contract has expired, and the two siblings must venture forth to acquire more snacks to fuel their kush filled dreams.

For the past six months, Thorax and Pharynx have been swimming in the best munchies Twilight could buy. But their contract has expired, and the two siblings must venture forth to acquire more snacks to fuel their kush filled dreams, and word on the street is that the Royal Vault in Canterlot holds the seriously good shit.

Will they be able to stomach the adventure, or will they taste scrumptious defeat?

Special thanks to Scaramouch for editing and proofreading!

Published 2019-06-08 18:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-06-08 18:20:01 UTC

Starting Off On A High Note

It was a lovely spring day within the Thoraxian Hive. The nymphs screeched at each other, ranting and raving about the latest new craze in the Equestrian gaming world, Fort's Night. The adolescents snuck away from their homes to indulge themselves in various illicit hobbies that would have their parents considering retroactive birth control. The adults, likewise trying to keep their after-hours activities secret, would slink off like the shape-shifting love devouring monstrosities they were. And some bugs were just content to relax the day away.

Thorax lay in a nest of Big Mac wrappers, which filled the room with the aroma of a fast food kitchen that was poorly maintained. His brother, Pharynx, was in much the same situation.

"Hay, like... Bro. Pass me another one?" Pharynx asked while licking his lips, his eyes tinted a nice shade of rosy red.

"Like, sure Bro." Thorax rolled over with great difficulty, the past few months of constant consumption had not been kind on his previously lithe and slender frame. Squinting his eyes, his magic lazily wrapped around the handle of the refrigerator and pulled it open, revealing an alarming new development. "Uhh, Broskie. We're out of food," Thorax shouted in distress, panic gripping every last fiber of his being.

Pharynx shot up, his Ponyville Broncos jersey stained with ketchup, mustard, and pickle juice. "You've gotta be like, joshin' me dude! Give it here!" He carefully made his way over to the fridge, stepping between crumpled up wrappers and ketchup packets. He tilted his head before pulling out a carefully folded note from the top shelf.

"Dear Thorax and Pharynx,

Six months have passed. Get a bucking job you lazy pieces of insectoid trash!

Best Regards, Twilight Sparkle."

He stared at the note like a deer who realized it was about to be hit by a train, or a pony who realized their burger had come with mayonnaise instead of mustard. Thorax stretched his neck over, and his jaw dropped to the floor as he stared at the treacherous parchment.

He looked to his brother for guidance in these troubling times. "What are we gonna do now bro?! We'll like, starve, if we don't get more food!"

Pharynx put on a mask of grim determination, steeling his nerves. "We must leave the hive, brother. To explore new avenues of culinary satisfaction. To seek out new confections and delights. To boldly eat what no bug has eaten before," He said, grabbing his brother by the shoulders. "We must go on a great journey, Thorax!"

Thorax nodded dumbly, his tongue poking through his teeth. "Totally, Bro! But like, where to?!"

Pharynx pointed out the window with a food-stained hoof. "There!"

Thorax squinted his eyes, attempting to ignore the dragons in the corner of his vision. His eyes widened as he saw a newspaper plastered against their window, reading the words off of the bright and pastel page. "Canterlot cake shortage coerces Celestia to hide all pastries within the vaults... EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY?!" He turned and shook his brother back and forth. "Duuuuuuude! That could feed us for like, weeks bro!"

Pharynx slapped his brother across the face. "Get a hold of yourself dude! This is the sort of thing that requires us to be one-hundred percent serious! We need a plan," He said, turning around and rubbing his chin with a hoof. "Who do we know that's smart, incredibly obsessed with Sunbutt, and may or may not know how to break into a highly secure vault in the heart of Equestria?"

The two of them thought long and hard, laboring for what felt like hours, utilizing all ten of their combined brain cells to find the answer to their conundrum.

And finally, they had their answer.

"TWIGGLES!"

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Later, in Ponyville.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Rainbow Dash was, as usual, napping in her favorite cloud, which was conveniently located within a hundred hooves of Twilight's bedroom window at all times. You know. So she could keep an eye out for her!

Naturally, being such a vigilant pony with excellent observational skills, it didn't take long for the rustling of curtains to tickle her ears and rouse her from slumber. Opening a tired eye, she cast her gaze on the wall of Twilight's castle, where she could see two figures attempting to scale the wall with... Fishing poles? She warily rolled off of her cloud and flew down to investigate.

"Like, I told you dude, we should have got stronger line! There's no way this five bit stuff will work!" "Quiet bro! Somepony's coming!"

The two figures ran and hid in a nearby bush, and Rainbow hesitantly hovered her way over to the bush, nearly facehoofing at what she saw. "Thorax? Pharynx?! What are you two doofuses doing here?!" The two brothers were tangled in fishing line of all colors, with various sized fishing hooks having been impaled upon their horns.

Pharynx was the first to speak up, the stench of Tirek's Lettuce wafting off of him like a shitty cologne. "Heyyy, Rainbroskie! What's radical duuuuude?!"

She narrowed her eyes at him. "I don't know, why are the two of you trying to break into the palace?!" She got right up into his face, glaring at him.

Thorax tilted his head, a roll of duct tape falling off of his horn. "Like, trying to get into that window? Duh. We can't break into the Canterlot Vault without Twiggles, dudette. So we need like, blackmail. We were thinkin' a panty raid."

Rainbow pursed her lips, looking around to see if anypony could see her. "Half'a'dozen pair for me and I'll give you a lift."

Pharynx crossed his hooves. "Six, take it or leave it."

Rainbow raised a hoof to correct them, but sighed. "Fine, six. Now get on my back you big oaf!"

He did, nearly bringing her down to the ground with his... Impressive weight. Thorax attempted to fly, but he succumbed to the fatal laws of aviation and thus was forced to wait his turn.

Finally, after many minutes of grueling physical labor that left Rainbow wondering how she was capable of lifting such heavy creatures, she roughly deposited Thorax onto the balcony.

"Wait, why the hay didn't you two just transform?!" She huffed out, giving them an exasperated look.

They all looked at each other for a moment, before Pharynx finally responded. "We can do that?"

She introduced her face to her hoof. "Whatever, let's just get in here and get out."

And so, the trio carefully opened the balcony door and crept inside, eager to acquire their sought-after prizes.

Except for Rainbow, she just wanted panties.