Chapters The Many Philosophical Musings of Gummy the Alligator
There exists a forest near the town of Ponyville. This forest is aptly known as the Everfree. There is strange and poorly understood magic that blanket over the forest that has made it quite dangerous and eerie. Indeed, the Everfree is very active and vigorous... but in a somewhat unwholesome way.
The strange magic only extends so far, however, and it does not expand to every tree in the forest. At the point where it ends, the Everfree stops and what is known as Whitetail Woods begins. Without the strange magic present, Whitetail woods is beautiful and peaceful.
At approximately the point where the Everfree changes to the Whitetail Woods, there can be found a curious little cottage, just beyond the treeline. Although technically the architecture is similar to pony homes found in the nearby town, the roof of the home is entirely made up of living grass.
The home is surrounded on all sides by smaller dwellings clearly intended for smaller creatures. There are birdhouses aplenty, both attached to the side of the cottage itself and placed upon a few small trees nearby. A keen eye would spot many burrows. Curiously, there is even a burrow underneath a small earthen bridge that crosses over stream, with a tiny pier extending from it and into the stream.
And of course, there is scarcely a moment of daylight when one wouldn't see these homes big and small swarmed with birds and furry little critters.
This is the sight that awaited a certain pink mare as she bounced down the path to the cottage most gleefully.
“Oooh, I've never seen so many creatures in one place!” she exclaimed. “Hello everycreature! My name is Pinkie Pie!”
Conveniently, the mare has identified herself, although for the record, her actual name is Pinkamena Diane Pie. Although, lets be honest. You probably knew these things already.
The animals all stopped place to stare at Pinkie Pie in confusion. Not only had she cried out to all of them specifically, but she had yet to stop bouncing up and down as high as she was tall, never spending an entire second on the ground. This was highly unusual. For, you see, these creatures had never seen this mare before.
And for that mater, neither had the owner of the cottage, at least not at this point in time.
Pinkie Pie approached the door to the cottage and finally stopped her jumping once she was directly in front of it. She lifted up her front right hoof and knocked on the door politely.
There was a quiet commotion from inside the cottage, of an animalistic nature. The squeaks of small rodents, from the sound of it.
The animals outside continued to watch in curiosity. The door did not open right away, but open it finally did, if only a tad.
A light yellow pony face appeared in the crack of the door. “Hello?” She said, almost in a whisper.
“Hello there!” said Pinkie Pie as though nothing was amiss. “I'm Pinkie Pie! I live in Ponyville, although I only moved in recently! I'm working at Sugar Cube Corner!”
The other pony stared through the crack in the door wordlessly.
“So you see,” continued Pinkie, “I have so many new friends here in Ponyville that its the greatest thing ever, but I sorta kinda have a teensy little problem that I didn't foresee because my Pinkie-sense doesn't foretell this kind of problem. You see, back on the farm, whenever we were all done for the day, everypony would go back in the house and we could hang out until bedtime, but now I'm living inside of sugarcube corner, and even though Mister and Missus Cake live there too, those are my bosses by the way, they want to have the rest of the day after work all to themselves. They said something about only being able to take so much of me in a day. So I don't really have anyone to talk to there when I'm not working. I mean, I can go out and find friends in Ponyville, but sometimes I have to stay in my room, like the times when I'm supposed to be going to sleep but I can't because I'm on a sugar rush. And I can't get another pony as a roommate because the bakery is just not that big and Mister and Missus cake don't actually need any more help anyway. And then I thought to myself, 'Pinkie Pie, do you know what would be just perfect in this situation? A pet !' So I asked around town and I was directed here! So, will you help me acquire my newest bestest friend?”
There was a moment of silence as the other pony scrunched her face up while trying to parse that load of information from the fast speaking mare. But then her eyes lit up and she opened the door completely.
“You really want a pet?” she asked. “That's wonderful! Um, I'm sorry, my name is Fluttershy. Glad to meet you, Pinkie Pie.”
“I'm super excited to meet you, Fluttershy! And I can't wait to meet my next new friend!” Pinkie whirled around and looked at all of the creatures in the yard. “Wow, it sure is going to be tricky picking one out from this crowd!”
“Actually, there are more,” said Fluttershy. “Inside the cottage. You can come in and meet them, but please be considerate. A few of them don't care for... ah, loud noises.”
“Not a problem at all, Fluttershy! Lead on!”
Fluttershy turned around and walked back into her home and Pinkie trotted in after her.
“Whoa!” she cried, somewhat restrained. “That's a lot of animals. Is that a bear?”
“Don't worry, Harry is very friendly. He wouldn't hurt a fly.”
“Oh me, oh my, how can I possibly choose? Should I get a squirrel, a bunny, a chipmunk? An otter? A seal? A hummingbird? A chickadee? A falcon? A Blue-Billed Puma-Panna Bird?”
“A what?”
“A Blue-Billed Puma-Panna Bird!”
“I'm not sure that I've ever heard of such a thing.”
“Oh. Well, they are rare. Very rare.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Oh well. What do you think I should go with, Fluttershy?”
“Well, perhaps if you are looking for something with a lot of energy, you could go with a cute widdle bunny!” she answered, her voice adopting an adoring tone at the end.
“Hmm... Maybe... Maybe... They are very cute. But I think I want something that speaks to me. You know?”
“How about an otter?” suggested Fluttershy. “They are quite playful.”
“Tempting...”
And then, Pinkie's Pinkie-sense, a strange sixth sense that allows her to sense things that no other pony can, suddenly went off.
She didn't like what it was telling her. Not one little bit. It was telling her that something nearby was really, really sad.
She turned and looked straight into the eyes of a wide eyed reptile. It was sitting on a counter, watching her.
“Is that a baby alligator?” she asked.
“Oh dear,” said Fluttershy in a troubled tone. “Um, yes it is. I don't think he is the one for you.”
“Why is he so sad?” asked Pinkie in concern.
Fluttershy looked at her in surprise. “How did you figure that out so quickly?” she asked in amazement. “My special talent helps me understand animal what animals are saying and it took me a couple of weeks to figure that out that he is upset. Mostly because he doesn't actually seem to do anything. He just stares.”
“I don't really know how I know, but I can tell,” said Pinkie with conviction. “So, why is he sad then?”
Fluttershy let out a sigh. “The poor guy hasn't had a nice start in life. He was born without any teeth, which is not normal for an alligator. His kind are carnivorous, but without teeth, his parents can't take proper care of him. They brought him to me because they hoped I could care for him, and I have been able to care for him, but... well, his parents had to give him away, and if he never does grow teeth then he won't ever be able to live out on his own.”
“Gosh, no wonder he's so sad!” Pinkie crept closer to the alligator and put on a smile. Hey little guy! I know life for you has been rough so far, but you can perk up now that I'm here because that's what I do!”
The gator continued to stare for a few seconds, and then slowly began to blink his eyes.
And inside his head, these thoughts made themselves manifest.
I want nothing more than to be happy, but I am quite sure that nothing that you can do will grant me happiness. A gator is supposed to be a fearsome predator, and that can never be me. Therefore, I have no purpose. How can I possibly know happiness when I have nothing to look forward to other than the end of my own existence?
Pinkie looked at Fluttershy uneasily.
“Was it just me, or did you get a creepy feeling just from watching him do that?”
“It's not just you. He's not talking as such, but his emotions seem to come through in his expressions anyway. I've rarely ever met a more miserable creature. It is so very sad!”
“Hey, listen here, mister gator,” said Pinkie gently. “I know you have reasons to be sad, but you have reasons to be happy too! I used to be sad too. I never smiled. But then I saw something beautiful that made me realize that I can be however happy I want to!”
The gator blinked some more.
Is that an option?
Pinkie sensed a slight change in the young reptile. A positive change. This was a good sign.
“See, happiness is all inside your head anyway, right? So that means that everything that happens outside of your head doesn't have to affect your happiness if you don't want it to. And I'm pretty sure you want to be happy. I know I do. I want to be happy all the time, so I choose to just be happy all the time, unless I have a really good reason to, like somepony saying something mean to me, or if I get sick or something. But for the most part, happy all the time!”
My understanding was that happiness is a reflection of how positive one's life is. But are you proposing that one can disconnect the association of happiness with one's life simply by deciding that it should be so?
“Huh,” said Fluttershy. “I've never seen him like this before. All of my attempts to cheer him up ended in failure. I don't think you cheered him up exactly, but you seem to have interrupted his misery.”
“I bet you think that you're not even a proper gator, don't you?” said Pinkie to the gator. “But that's silly. A gator's job isn't to be a gator, no more than it's a pony's job to be a pony. It's a ponies job to do whatever they want to do, whether they are like other ponies or not, and I don't see any reason why that shouldn't apply to you too. And besides, you're just a baby. You've got all kinds of time to figure out what you want to do.”
You pose that a gator's purpose is not to be a gator? But if my purpose is to do whatever I please, then I have a very strange purpose because my own desires are often illogical. For an entire group of creatures to have a purpose of their own design... Surely that can only lead to a massive division in society that prevents creatures from working together because they want different things! And even if you are right, what then? If I cannot be a gator, then I do not know what I can be, for I do not know how to be anything else. However, you say that this is of no concern because I can determine this at a later time after discovering my options.
“Hey, Fluttershy?” asked Pinkie. “Does he have a name?”
“Animals don't really work the same way that ponies do. They don't have language in the same way that we do, so no, his parents never gave him a name. At least, not what we would call a name. I do give names to my animals, but to be honest with you, it doesn't feel right to name this little guy while he is so sad. It would be like a reminder of what he used to be like for his whole life!”
“How old is this little guy anyway?”
“Only a few months old,” she answered. “I was told his birthday was exactly ten weeks ago.”
“Really?” asked Pinkie excitedly. “That was the day before my birthday! What a coincidence!”
My mind is insisting to me that your theory of self-perpetuating happiness is impossible. If one decides what is truth based on one's own desires rather than based on facts, one should not truly have found truth, and yet it appears that the truth is that you are happy, which means that this theory that you have that one can decide to be happy appears to be true, considering that you are inexplicably happy even right now when there is nothing to be happy about. What strange logic is this, that the facts of reality are bound to the will of the creatures of the world rather than to the law of the world itself? This wonderful way of reasoning!
Pinkie gave the gator an encouraging smile.
“There you go! See? I knew you could do it!”
Can one truly spawn happiness from nothing? The possibilities of success are filling me with satisfaction before I have actually achieved success! Which means again I have achieved happiness from doing nothing! How curious! It appears that I have achieved a success merely by desiring success!
However.... this happiness is small and fleeting. My troubles refuse to go away so easily. But the fact that it worked at all is proof that these new thoughts can work, and they can give me happiness. But there is a problem. Is pursuing happiness truly the wisest course of action? Is happiness for myself an inherently selfish goal?
Pinkie continued smiling at the gator for a little while longer, but then finally dropped her smile. “Oh, you poor gator. You must have something horrible haunting you if even I can't make you smile for longer than a few moments. If I can't make you happy, maybe I can do something else for you?”
Which brings up another question. Is it okay to be selfish, at least a little? After all, too much selflessness will lead to self-neglect, and that leads to an individual being less able give to others. It appears that this means that the best way to be selfless is to apply a little bit of selfishness. Perhaps if I expand deeper into this new way of thinking that Pinkie has proposed and apply it to all things in the world, I can achieve ultimate satisfaction by discovering the best ways of thinking about all things, but it is also possible that I would immerse myself so deep into revelry that I would lose the desire or ability to think with wisdom.
Is that what you are, Pinkie Pie? A mare too busy having fun to stop and ask 'why'? It would be foolish of me to assume anything about somepony I only just met you, but if that is the case, then is that okay? The idea is frightening to me, but you are not me, and you have your own destiny, one which does not appear to actually require you to understand your own destiny.
... Come to think of it, why are so many creatures that I have ever met so obsessed with their own destiny? It is not something I was taught to do, so I must have been born with it. Perhaps it is because some of us do need to understand our own destiny in order to fulfill it, even while others do not. But perhaps I am worrying about where my own destiny will lead me needlessly. Maybe I am too busy trying to see my future to actually take the actions that lead to the future. Perhaps if I continue to apply wisdom to life, I will discover a way in which I can achieve fulfillment. Until then, I can take heart in the hope that I will succeed in this goal, because I must.
“Umm...” said Fluttershy slowly. “I'm not really sure you're getting through to him. Although, he doesn't seem to be quite so sad anymore? Maybe? It's hard to tell. Maybe something about what you said really spoke to him.”
The gator turned to look vaguely in Pinkie's direction.
Pinkie. I have determined that my purpose at this time is to find new meaning in all things until a new purpose reveals itself to me, but I am still a broken gator and I cannot explore many of the things in life myself. Although happiness is not my goal, you have made me more pleased than any other creature before. Not only that, but you are different than me, and different is good because it reveals more avenues of thought that I would never come to on my own. You could provide insight that I cannot find myself. I wish to learn what I can from you by observing you.
“You'd like for me to adopt you?” cried Pinkie. “That's wonderful!”
“That does seem to be the general spirit of what I got from him just now...” said Fluttershy. “But how did you understand it?”
Pinkie put a hoof to her chin in thought, but only briefly, and then she shrugged. “I dunno!” she answered cheerfully.
“I suppose it might be a good idea. He seems at least a little bit happy with you around.”
“Good! I've made up my mind, this is the creature I want to adopt!”
“Well, it is wonderful that you get along with him so well, but you should be aware that taking care of him is quite different from taking care of any of these other pets. For one thing, he, er, is not... herbivorous.”
Pinkie hesitated.
“What have you been feeding him up until now then?”
“Well, baby gators will eat flying insects for a little while. I've also been feeding him fish.”
“Fish? But where do you get that? And how?”
Fluttershy gestured at an eagle on a perch. “Some of my friends have a natural instinct for hunting fish. There are several creatures around here who need fish but have a harder time hunting them, so they bring me enough for everyone.”
“Hmm. Well, I'm not going to turn Gummy away just because he needs fish. He can't help what he is."
“Gummy?”
“That's what I think I'll name the little guy! Anyway, I can't get fish myself though. Can I buy from you?”
“Of course.”
“Then it is settled! I can't wait for everyone in Ponyville to meet my newest friend, Gummy the gator!”
Author's Note
When episode 100 came out, I saw a few stories pop up that explored the concept of a philosophical Gummy, but none of them were very long, and in each case, the purpose of the story seemed to be to celebrate this new twist in the enigmatic character's personality or to simply be humorous. Which is perfectly fine. However, one day I was reading one of such stories written by RainEStar and there were a couple of people wishing that a story such as this one existed. I proposed that I could do it. That was... four years ago ? Wow, I feel guilty about that now. But... better late than never?
This story is unlike anything I have ever written before, or ever read before on this site even. It even defies the tags that the site uses, with only 'Slice of Life' being truly applicable. The reason that it is so different is because it heavy explores deep philosophical concepts by directly bringing them up and then attempting to resolve them. If you think that that is the kind of thing that you might enjoy, then I hope you will give this experimental story a shot.
This Prologue chapter is a bit of a bonus, as I felt it would be appropriate to give Gummy at least a little bit of background. We're all the way to Season 9 now and there is still no official backstory for Gummy, so I think it is likely that there never will be. There is a prevalent theory that Gummy was a birthday present to Pinkie Pie because of the fact that his own birthday is separated from hers by only one day, but I do not personally feel that this is likely. A flesh eating alligator being casually owned by a pony seems excessively unlikely to me, and if he was given to her at only one day old, that would be enough time to determine that he has no teeth and is a threat to no one. The most realistic circumstance I can think of for his adoption is the one portrayed in this chapter. Please enjoy!
The Many Philosophical Musings of Gummy the Alligator
What Might the Future Hold? S1E1-2
“Gummy! You'll never guess what just happened!” cried Pinkie excitedly, bouncing up and down in front of the diminutive gator sitting on her bed.
Of course I will never guess. Out of the seemingly infinite possible situations that can potentially come into existence from the universe simply continuing on as though driven by gears in a machine, it is incredibly unlikely that I will happen to guess the one which you are referring to. Admittedly, context can help immensely to narrow down the possibilities, but I do not perceive any particular context at this moment in time that might be relevant.
“There's a new pony in Ponyville! I was so excited that I ran off before I could get her name, but I'm still going to throw her a welcome to Ponyville party! It'll be a surprise party!”
Suddenly, Pinkie stopped bouncing and put on a thoughtful expression.
“Rrrrright as soon as I figure out where I can throw her a surprise party and be sure that she'll find it. I mean, nopony comes to Ponyville just passing through. The only reason anypony would come here is if they intend to stay long enough for me to throw them a party, at the very least. And the Summer Sun Celebration is tomorrow, so I guess it should be no surprise that Ponyville is getting visitors!”
Suddenly, Pinkie's eyes grew wide. “Actually, now that I think about it, it's kind of lucky that we haven't had any other new ponies in town. I mean, you would have thought that there would be so many new ponies here that I wouldn't have time to throw them all a party and I would have to throw them all one big party instead! But nope, its just this one new mare so far! Do you want to come with me and help get everything ready?”
Gummy stared back at her.
“Great!”
“Hey Applejack!”
“Guh! Pinkie! Where the hay did you come from?”
“From Ponyville, silly! Have you seen that new mare? The purple unicorn?”
“Er, yeah. She was here just a while ago.”
“Great! Did you happen to catch her name and/or where she might be staying?”
“Another welcome party?”
“Another welcome party!”
“Er, well she said her name was Twilight Sparkle, but ah don't have any idea where she is staying. Sorry.”
“No need to apologize, you have been most helpful! Thank you for telling me her name! Oh, and Gummy thanks you too.”
“Er... He does?”
“Yep!”
Gummy chose this moment to surface out of Pinkie's voluminous mane and peer at Applejack in such a way that conveyed that, yes, he thanked her.
Applejack stared back, unsure what to say.
“Well, I guess I'll have to ask somepony else where Twilight is staying. It should be easy now that I know her name.”
Applejack coughed into a hoof in an attention grabbing manner. “Actually sugarcube, she did say that she is the supervisor for the Summer Sun Celebration, so maybe ya should ask the ponies putting that together. They'll probably know.”
“Great idea! I'll be back as soon as I can so that I can give you your invitation! I would give it to you right now, but first I have to figure out where the party is.”
“... Fair enough.”
It is too bad she can't she predict where Twilight is going to be with her Pinkie sense. It is only able to predict immediate events, and even then, it doesn't predict nearly everything. Sometimes I wish I could predict the future like she could. .
Gummy's eyes grew a little wider.
Actually, because of the clear relationship between cause and effect, it is possible for anyone to predict some basic events based on what is currently occuring. Maybe it is possible for one to become sooooo good at it that they can predict anything! And once they are able to predict anything, they can use their knowledge of the future to manipulate events into a favorable outcome!
But wait! In order to do that, you would have to predict how the future will carry out without your own interference first because it is only after one has predicted the future that one can plan for it! But that plan would change the future, thus rendering the original prediction almost useless! But it should still be possible to predict one event, before any further predictions become invalid.
Maybe that is why Pinkie is limited to immediate events.
But what if one was so smart that they could predict the predictions too?
But it still wouldn't work because they wouldn't predict the effects of their predictions of their predictions!
But what if one was so smart that they could predict the predictions of the predictions?
...
“Exuse me, Mayor Mare, can you tell me where Twilight Sparkle is staying during the Summer Sun Celebration?”
“Of course. She is staying at the Golden Oaks library.”
I think I can see where this is going. The only way it would work is if one had an infinite ability to predict an infinite number of predictions, which I believe no living being is capable of because they would have to be so smart that their heads would be infitely big. The only way to avoid such recursion would be to not act upon the prediction. But even that may not be enough, since creatures will react to such knowledge subconsciously. Therefore, while it might be possible to correctly guess how a series of events will go if one does not get involved, using logic to predict the future as an active participant should logically be impossible.
“Great! I'm throwing her a party! I already have invitations, let me just put down the location... and there you go! One invitation to Twilight Sparkle's surprise party!”
“Thank you. I'm a little busy tonight, but I will try to attend if I can.”
I suppose one might be able to predict the future with magic. Unfortunately, I am a humble and mundane gator, and know nothing of such things. I cannot reason with that which I do not understand, and so this trail of thought must end here, as it is not a path that I am capable of walking down.
At this time, Pinkie began bouncing away. The mayor never did realize that Pinkie Pie was carrying her toothless baby alligator in her mane the entire time that they talked.
Perhaps I was impolite for neglecting to greet her, but if she never knew I was here, she can't possibly get upset with me. And I think I can be forgiven for having other things on my mind. After all, I was engaged in a very intriguing contemplation about the futility of predicting the future, and I can't predict what detrimental effects might result from a lapse in concentration.
The Many Philosophical Musings of Gummy the Alligator
To Be Selfish, Or To Be Selfless? S1E3
Pinkie Pie opened the door to her room and stepped inside with a sigh.
Naturally, anybody that knew Pinkie knew that this kind of behavior was highly uncharacteristic of her, and Gummy looked up at her with a look of concern on his face.
Not many ponies would be able to distinguish his expression from his usual, unfocused appearance that he adopted when shutting out the world around him in order to think, but Pinkie Pie was among the few.
“Well Gummy, I got the ticket. Or, rather, I got 'A' ticket.”
You don't sound very happy. Were there complications? ”
“Don't get me wrong...” said Pinkie hesitantly. “I'm relieved that everything turned out okay in the end... No thanks to me.”
Did your plan not work? You were certain that being honest with Twilight about your intentions would work because a good friend is honest.
“I certainly was honest... Honest about being selfish...”
Selfish?
“How about if I just tell you exactly what happened today, Gummy. I think it would make me feel a little better.”
Of course I shall listen.
When Pinkie had finished relaying her tale, she sighed once more.
“So, yeah... I wasn't at my best today. Thank you for listening Gummy. You're the best listener ever! In fact, I'm not quite so sad now, so I had better get started preparing for my next party!”
Pinkie trotted over to a desk against the wall. There were several folders on it of various hues. Next to the desk were three shelves stuffed with even more folders and binders and random bits of glitter and streamers.
“You know, I obviously can never have to many friends, but I must admit that I don't have quite enough space to keep track of everypony. Perhaps I will try to arrange something with the cakes! Oh, but I better not get ahead of myself. I only just got them to agree to let me run the store by myself. I can ask them about expanding the building later .”
Meanwhile, Gummy sat in place staring into space.
I understand why Twilight would be upset with Pinkie about selfishness. But I do not understand why Pinkie behind honest and direct with her intentions would anger her further! Would Twilight truly prefer that Pinkie hide her intentions behind the party?
Oh, of course she would have! If Pinkie had been subtle as Twilight desired, then the other party goers would not have gotten involved. Oh dear. It appears that sometimes honesty can hurt one's friends, although it only hurts them some of the time. If that is the case, then in order to ensure that one deals fairly with others, one must always weigh the consequences of being honest every time the opportunity presents itself. But even though that is clearly the only rational option, doing so must surely take far too long! The consequences of even two choices is just far too much to consider in good time!
Or is it? Now that I think upon it, it appears that other ponies must do it all the time, and make their decision in a mere moment! But I suppose that they must be much better at the social arts than myself. But how can I understand the social arts when I do not have an understanding of the foundational bricks that exist below it, metaphorically speaking? Should my goal be to serve my own whims, or should my goal be to serve others?
I was born with a goal in my nature. I have a goal to make myself happy. That seems to suggest that my goal is to serve myself. However, I have also discovered that making others happy results in making myself happy, as I do for Pinkie Pie on occasion. Thus, by performing a task that appears to serve others, I am in fact ultimately serving both myself and others.
Something occurs to me. I think I can pursue both goals simultaneously. But if it is true that I can adhere to both the goal of serving myself AND serving others, then that makes me wonder which goal I adhere to more strongly? Do I adhere to both in equal measure?
I don't think I adhere to both equally. I feel quite sure of it. And yet, I have no idea which of the two I adhere to more strongly. What a strange thing!
But... does it matter? Does it actually matter whether I know which I adhere to more strongly?
In the scenario where I value serving others more than serving myself, I would serve others, and by doing so, I serve myself.
In the scenario where I value serving myself more than serving others, I would... still serve others with the objective of selfishly achieving my own happiness.
Physically, the end result is no different. The only difference is my intentions.
I... I don't think that it matters. I may not know whether or not I am truly selfish or not, but it doesn't matter if I am or not because my actions are the same either way. At least, I think that they are...
Then... I know how I wish to live... But I don't quite understand why. That is irritating.
I wonder if anyone else has this problem. Until a moment ago, I believed that ponies all had the goal of helping others over helping themselves. But maybe some of them are facing the same dilemma as me and they just never admit it. Ponies are certainly capable of being selfish at times. Pinkie's story is proof of that. In fact, I think everyone involved was selfish except for Twilight. Maybe... maybe they are ALL facing this dilemma!
Gummy's eyes actually visibly widen.
Maybe most everyone goes through the motions of being selfless, but never actually figures out whether they are selfless or selfish, and then their time ends before they ever figure out, and everyone remembers someone who was selfless, but in truth didn't actually know whether they were selfless or not?
What a terrifying thought!
But, again, does it matter?
Does it matter?
Does it matter?...
Great, now I'm going to have this question stuck in my head for weeks, and probably no way of answering it.
The Many Philosophical Musings of Gummy the Alligator
Reasoning In Circles S1E4
“And that's the whole story of what happened with Applejack this week!” finished Pinkie Pie.
Gummy managed to hide his reaction from Pinkie quite well.
The reason that he hid his reaction from her at all was because it was one of panic.
Oh no! he thought. Oh no no no! Just when I had finally managed to move on from the topic of selfishness and onto wondering why the sky is blue, you brought it back!
Was Applejack selfish in what she did? Or was it selflessness that ultimately drove her?
She turned down offers from others to help, seeking to be the sole pony credited with the harvest of her family's farm. That appears selfish.
But if we look at this another way, the task which she was doing benefits the entire town. That appears selfless.
It is possible that she turned down help because she wanted to spare her friends from hard work. I don't know for sure. But if so, selfless.
But it is also true that the fastest way to make the apples available to the town is to get as many ponies picking them as possible. Applejack initially and knowingly chose to do it alone, resulting in the slowest harvest time, with the goal of making herself appear dependable. That appears to be... selfish and selfless at the same time, strangely. She was doing something to make herself look good, but she was also trying to make herself look like a strong benefit to her society. How odd.
This line of thought leaves me so weary! I don't even know if there is a definite answer here, and it is making me wonder whether I am selfish or selfless again too, and when I think about the possible answer, I only find myself reasoning in circles and getting nowhere! Oh, how happy I would be if I could find some way to resolve this issue once and for all!
“Yeah, you're right Gummy,” said Pinkie, unaware of the gator's true state of mind at the moment. “Good thing Applejack has such good friends to help her! You always know just what to say to make me happy!”
Perhaps there is a way to resolve the issue. Whether I am selfish or selfless, I still wish to act as though I am selfless, as that will achieve either goal. But only a selfish gator would worry about this because only a selfish gator would feel the need to ensure that he likes his choice! So, does that make me selfish?
But if I decide that I am selfish, I shall forever feel guilty about deciding to pretend to act selfless in order to fulfill my own selfish goals! But do selfish gators feel guilt? I don't know! But I do know that if I was a selfless gator, I would be able to rest easy with my decision, and therefore I want to be a selfless gator.
But if I want to be selfless in order to put myself at ease, does that not make me selfish?
But surely my own desire must have some effect on my true character! After all, the ability to choose is what sets thinking creatures apart from non-thinking creatures! Selfishness is in a gator's nature, but it is ultimately the gator's choice whether or not he chooses to allow himself to become a slave to his nature, or whether to rise above the nature which he had no say in and to choose how he wishes himself to be, even if it contradicts his nature! So if it is my desire to be selfless, does that not make me a more selfless gator?
I do not know! I simply do not know, and it frustrates me even further to admit it! I am frustrated, and all I do know is that the more I think about it, the more and more desperately I wish that I could be a selfless gator!
I am reasoning in circles again! How I despair! Others do not drive themselves mad by asking themselves questions that they cannot answer, so why must I do it? I must hope that one day I shall finally find the answers to the questions.
It is obvious that I will not be finding the answers today, however, and I cannot think effectively in this state of mind. I think the best thing to do is to set these thoughts aside for now and share in whatever enjoyment Pinkie Pie is up to next. She is very good at that, and for that I am most thankful.
The Many Philosophical Musings of Gummy the Alligator
What Use Is Irrationality? S1E6
“And that's why there was a giant star bear rampaging through the town!” cried Pinkie Pie. “Can you believe that Trixie would do such a thing?”
I thought you said that Snips and Snails brought it here.
“Oh, they did, but Trixie was still at the root of it!”
I see. You ask if I can believe that Trixie would do such a thing? In order to determine if it is believable, I must look at my expectations of her. My expectation based on what you told me is that she would assert superiority over others, a trait, coincidentally, I recently observed to be common amongst carnivores. Trixie is not a carnivore, but there are always exceptions. She may have changed her mind because of her recent hardship, but if she did, it was after the bear came into the town, and therefore does not factor into my expectations. I can easily believe that she would make up a story to make herself look better.
“Well... I guess so," admitted Pinkie. "But why does Trixie have to show off in the first place?”
I'm not sure. Possibly, she believes it serves to further an even deeper goal. Which brings us to wonder why she would have that other goal instead. But we cannot possibly answer that without knowing what the deeper goal is. Although, there may not be any deeper goal. It may be that exerting superiority is a goal for its own sake, which results in circular reasoning and is ultimately irrational. But it never-the-less might be a part of her nature.
“I guess so,” said Pinkie. “But, you know, figuring out what makes other ponies tick doesn't really help me to like them any more than I did before.”
I know. I suggest you focus your efforts elsewhere.”
“Yeah! Who needs Trixie?”
I thought you wanted to be friends with everyone. Why not Trixie?”
Pinkie gave Gummy a confused look. “Didn't you just tell me to forget about her?”
I suppose in a manner of speaking, I did. Perhaps it would be best after all. There are other friends to be made that are easier to make friends with.
“You're just trying to confuse me, aren't you, you silly!” declared Pinkie, who then began giggling.
“I am not trying to confuse you. The nature of existence is confusing you. And it is confusing me too. I'm not happy about it. If you ever figure out who I should complain to, please let me know.
“Well, I think it's for the best to forget about Trixie. I do wonder why she is the way that she is, but you are right, I don't actually have to find out the answer. Especially if I never see her again. For now, I've got friends to have fun with!”
Pinkie then turned around and left to go find her friends.
I suppose that is one way of looking at it. Of course, in my case, my own self-decided goal is to try to understand everything and everyone, so I'm afraid that I will not be able to stop myself from wondering why she did what she did.
Ultimately, it leads to frustration, just as it always does! Why must my questions all too often lead to nothing but frustration and unhappiness? Why do I insist on asking questions that make me unhappy? Yet another question that I frustratingly cannot answer. Reasoning is so good at determining the best way to achieve a goal, and yet, as this very dilemma is proving, it is not so good at determining the goal itself!
Either Trixie's reasons for doing what she does is circular reasoning, or it is for a greater purpose. But even though I do not know what that greater purpose might be, that other purpose is either itself circular reasoning, or else it too serves a greater purpose!
I am quite sure that there is not an infinite amount of space for thoughts in our heads, so there cannot be an infinitely long list of purposes that serve greater purposes, right? Therefore, the reasons must ultimately originate in circular reasoning sooner or later!
I am quite sure however that most goals are set by a creature's nature. But for a creature like myself who does not accept nature without reason, what reason then is there to do anything? I could decide to collect all of the knowledge in the world, but if I were to obtain it, what would I do with it? Without a goal, there is no reason to collect it! Even my own desire to be happy is ultimately derived from my own nature, despite obviously being a good thing!
But despite all of this, others do not appear to have any trouble setting goals at all! If I were to simply sit down and do nothing because there is no reason to do anything, and someone else does something without needing a reason, then because of my nature, I will be jealous that they achieve more than I do.
But then, maybe I should be seeing something in that very fact! Perhaps... because creatures have irrational natures... we SHOULD have irrational goals? After all, irrational doesn't have to mean bad. Parties are certainly irrational, but undeniably fun regardless.
But a reasonable creature can accomplish irrational goals faster than an irrational creature...
Perhaps I should freely accept irrational goals and yet seek them out using reason?
If I answer yes, it would be irrational. I will also, however, have determined an answer to a question for once, and that would make me very happy.
If I answer no, I would avoid an irrational decision. I will also be further frustrated for being unable to break the pattern of unanswered questions.
I think... I shall accept irrational goals. And then I can set rational goals that will help me achieve the irrational ones.
DON'T THINK ABOUT IT DON'T THINK ABOUT IT DON'T THINK ABOUT IT.
...
Well, I guess that wraps that up.
Hmm, that doesn't happen very often. I feel happy to have resolved something.
I guess on to the next question then? Yes, that seems reasonable.
What is the next question?
...
Nothing is coming to mind. Well, except for one thing. I could contemplate whether all of existence is merely an illusion...
But I don't really want to.
Then... Perhaps I should contemplate the desirability of chocolate, vanilla, and strawberry flavoring, in order of most to least desirable?
Yeah, why not?
The Many Philosophical Musings of Gummy the Alligator
Author's Note
In addition to covering the episodes of the show, I also intend to insert an extra chapter after every 6 complete episode sequence from the show. Most seasons have 26 episodes, except for season 3. Most of the time those 26 episodes actually only 24 episode sequences because there are usually two merged episodes, one at the start, one at the end. The resulting 24 episode sequences per season leaves a number divisible by 6 with no leftover. In the event of a number of episode sequences other than 24, I'll probably round and either have a longer or shorter period between extra chapters than usual.
These extra chapters consist not of Gummy's thoughts about the events of episodes, but rather a brief chance to insert thoughts about whatever short original story I choose. They are all either stories about his interactions with the other pets, or one of his rare (rightly so) adventures that he goes on on his own.
Evidently, when two non-speaking creatures in Equestria communicate, they use a combination of audible and inaudible communication, for which the procedure varies from species to species, but it is understood by any creature regardless of their species. Unfortunately, for some reason or other, any species that has developed linguistic communication appears to lose their ability to interpret these more primal communications. For the purposes of making communication between two critters as clear as possible to readers, the intended meaning of their various complex signals to one another is interpreted into words. These 'sentences' between critters will be surrounded by apostrophes instead of quotations. Italicized sentences are reserved for Gummy.
When it comes to animals communicating with Gummy, he is still extremely subtle with his inaudible communication, which he uses exclusively, and the creatures he interacts with have a hard time reading him. As a result, they usually can only understand him about as well as Pinkie Pie can understand him, despite having an entirely different problem.
Theoretically, this means that if Pinkie Pie was to ever somehow acquire Fluttershy's ability to immaculately understand animals, she would finally be able to understand Gummy perfectly. Unfortunately, the odds of this happening are fairly low.
This Is A Playdate?
'I can't believe Rarity is forcing me to go on this... this... No, I refuse to even use the term!'
A certain bunny named Angel gave the irritated feline (whose name, of course, is Opal) a look of bemusement. 'What? Play date ?'
'Yes! That! It's humiliating! I was just getting ready for a nice nap before she snatched me up, and I have no interest in this affair whatsoever!'
'Didn't you get enough sleep in your other five naps today?' asked Angel.
Opal glared back at the audacious bunny.
'Surely you agree at least that this is a waste of time?'
'Okay, yes, I'll give you that one. A toothless, brain dead alligator, a hyperactive dog, and a snooty cat! Why exactly do I need any of you! And there's no cushions out here! Couldn't she at least have given us some cushions! I mean, my house is right there !'
'You are such a hypocrite! You berate me for my naps, and yet you yourself cannot stand to be outside of your precious comfort?'
'Look, it's okay when I am the one complaining, alright?'
'You cannot possibly be serious!'
'I don't like this!' declared Winona, Applejack's pet dog with obvious unease. 'Why do you two have to argue? Can't we just play instead?'
Opal and Angel both gave Winona a look of annoyance. In Angel's case, however, this dissolved into a look of unhappy acceptance.
'Actually, I really don't feel like arguing with you. Prissy. So yeah, I'll play . For now.'
Opal hissed.
'Yeah, whatever,' continued Angel nonchalantly. 'Here, let me find a stick and we'll play fetch,' he said, now adressing Winona. The two ran off together at great speed, much to Winona's delight.
Opal looked over to the vacantly gazing gator.
'And what about you? Please tell me you aren't going to just sit here and stare at me. I know that I am gorgeous, but you are creeping me out.'
Gummy started to waddle off to watch the other two.
'Can't you move any faster?'
Gummy stopped, and then, after a moment, turned around to face the long haired cat.
The journey!
Opal actually flinched at the sudden and erratic motions from Gummy.
...
Opal stared at the gator in disbelief.
Is as important as the destination.
And then he continued his waddling.
He was content to spend the rest of the playdate watching Angel and Winona. No more harsh exchanges were made between any creature, and Opal even eventually decided to sit and watch beside Gummy.
She made a point of keeping a bored and discontent expression the entire time, of course.
The Many Philosophical Musings of Gummy the Alligator
This night is a stormy night. It had been scheduled for night time so as to inconvenience the populace as little as possible. On one side of Ponyville, three friends were trying to have a sleepover, although they were having various troubles. On another side, unseen by anyone , a young alligator was getting into trouble of his own.
Okay, maybe he wasn't causing that much trouble. All he has done so far is sneak out of Sugar Cube Corner while Pinkie Pie was asleep. But, in his defense, he has never before experienced such a storm, and the blood of his semi-aquatic ancestors called to him, urging him to come out and relax in the dampness and the mud. He hasn't even gone very far away from his home; just far enough to find a good damp spot to relax.
Thankfully, alligators have the ability to see in the dark much better than most other creatures. Gummy is a strange gator, but a gator his is just the same. He can easily see in his dimly lit surroundings, and the thunder and lightning did not cause him concern.
The noise did however impair his ability to hear any other sounds. He suddenly looked up, thinking perhaps he had heard something rather strange just a moment ago-
*WHUMP*
The famously inexpressive Gummy actually jumped backwards in terror.
A snake had fallen out of the sky and landed in front of his snout.
Yipe! Where - where did you come from? he shakily communicated.
There was more sounds of snakes falling out of the air and onto the grass around him, and the first snake had quickly turned itself upright and was now laughing semi-uncontrollably with a strange, hissing laugh.
Gummy was surrounded.
The other snakes were laughing too now. Gummy was surrounded by snakes that were laughing at him . Laughing at how scared he was, surely.
'Hahahaha!' said the first snake. 'We sure got you! Ya should have seen the look on your face, ehheeheeheee!'
What did you do? asked Gummy, scared and confused. How did you sneak up on me?
'You obviously don't know who we are! Actually, what are you doing out here all on your own, youngster?'
I was trying to enjoy the rain.
'We like the rain too! Never a better time to be pulling stunts than when you're slinging mud all over the place!'
Stunts?
'That's right! This bunch of hooligans is the Hoop Snake Troupe! We're the fastest slithering things in the WORLD , and we are WIIIIILD! YEAAAAAHHHHH! LET'S ROLL!'
And then the snake did something exceptionally odd. It curled up and grabbed its own tail in its mouth, and then stood up itself out straight on its side like a circular hoop. It started spinning its body around at rapid speed, kicking up mud and splattering it all over behind him, before suddenly shooting away like an out-of-control wheel.
The others laughed and followed the first's example.
Or, at least, most of them did. While Gummy was staring off into space and wonder what in the world just happened, one most snake slithered into view.
'Sorry about him,' it said, having the decency to actually look apologetic. 'The others, they're... well, easy excited.'
Gummy gave the snake a baffled look.
'Just between you and me, I think they hit their heads a few too many times when learning to jump.'
Jump? asked Gummy. I didn't know that snakes could jump
The snake laughed. 'Most can't. Not like us, anyway. See? Look at my fellows over there.'
Gummy looked. The ecstatic snakes were rolling rampant through the town, unbeknownst to the sleeping residents. After watching for only a few moments, Gummy saw some of the snakes somehow launch themselves very far into the air before landing on rooftops before seamlessly continuing to roll at outrageous speed, flinging themselves off of the roof and on to who knows where.
How do they do that? asked Gummy in awe.
'If we let go of our tail at just the right moment, all of that spinning power launches us through the air. When you get good at it, you can do stuff like this, but the juveniles... hit their heads a lot while practicing. A lot. Kind of makes them go nuts. I had better catch up with them before they roll out without me. See you.'
The last snake rolled away, leaving Gummy to observe the bizarre spectacle for a minute more before the snakes decided to move on. Soon enough, the commotion was over, leaving only the sounds of the storm.
That was the strangest thing I have ever seen.
...
And yet...
Suddenly, Gummy had an idea. He curled himself up and bit down on his tail. Thankfully, he had no teeth, so doing so wouldn't actually hurt, and yet his jaw was still powerful enough to hold on steadily.
And he found that he could indeed imitate the snakes' unusual locomotion.
Granted, he quickly found that he could not possibly hope to travel at nearly the same speed as the snakes had, and it was a little bit tiring, but...
It was fun. And it was faster than his pathetic waddle.
Of course it was extremely odd, but, well, if he made a fool of himself, its not like he had a reputation to lose.
Author's Note
In the comics, Gummy is occasionally portrayed rolling around like that.
The Many Philosophical Musings of Gummy the Alligator
Can You Blame Her, Really? S1E5
“So Gummy,” said Pinkie as she busy wrote with a crayon at her desk. “I asked Twilight about Griffons after Gilda's party ended... less than spectacularly. She says that she doesn't know as much as she would like, but her books do say that pretty much all of them are selfish, greedy, and unfriendly. Does that mean that it isn't fair for us to get upset with her for being a grumpy grump pants?”
Gummy's eyes widened a smidge further than usual.
Why, that IS quite a puzzler! Allow me to consider. An individual's behavior is a combination of imitating family and friends as well as one's own choices. In an area where all friends and family are apparently already grumpy, the only chance for a griffon to be generally friendly is for them to choose to be friendly, even knowing that it will cause them to be outcasts among their own kind. Therefore, I am not at all surprised that any particular griffon would be grumpy.
But just because I am surprised does not make acceptable. But I think there may not be enough information to pass a judgment. I don't know about Griffon nature, most especially. For example, any creature smart enough to communicate is smart enough to realize that acting negatively toward other creatures results in negative responses. However, while ponies many other creatures find that result to be undesirable, there are many more who do not, because it is in the nature of some species to exert dominance over others, an act which they enjoy. I know this very well. I was the victim of such activity when I briefly lived with Fluttershy. I also observed that it appears to be a behavior of carnivorous creatures, but not herbivorous ones.
I do not know if gators are supposed to enjoy exerting superiority, but I do know that I do not. However, I also am aware that I am very much an unusual gator, thanks to my limitations. I suspect that being toothless left me in an unusual circumstance that forced me to alter the way I do things. Perhaps if I was not toothless, I would have been controlled by my carnivorous instincts to spend my time hunting instead of thinking.
I have never thought of that before. That is the first time I have ever seen anything positive in having no teeth.
Perhaps it takes hardship to force individuals to become something greater than the base creatures that we are.
None of these reasons definitively say whether Gilda should be blamed for her behavior, however. You can decide one way or the other based on opinion, but there is no hard fact.
Now, at this point it should be told to the reader that Pinkie Pie is at least partially aware of how clever her little gator actually is, despite the skepticism of everypony around her. But, as it happens, she has rather a lot of experience with interpreting even the most subtle of non-verbal cues, thanks to a spectacularly inexpressive sister. Of course, understanding a baby alligator and understanding another pony are still two very different things, and while she can accurately tell you how her sister is feeling by merely looking at her, when it comes to Gummy, she only understands the underlying meaning and tone of his messages. She is hoping to learn to understand them even better as time goes on, but she has not been with him for even a whole year yet.
Pinkie did in fact perceive that Gummy was giving her an answer. It took quite a long time for everything to come through. Because she can only interpret his response into short and simple sentences, she might have easily be fooled into thinking that Gummy thinks very slowly. But Pinkie Pie was smart enough to know that behind the slow answer was a powerful mind. For the time being, all she is able to make out is the following:
'Hmm. Griffons are mean. I think they are mean because other Griffons are mean to them. Being mean might be in their nature. It might not be her fault. But mean is still mean.'
“I do think Gilda was being awfully mean,” mused Pinkie, putting a hoof to her chin. “Which makes me want to not like her at first, but then I remembered I don't like not liking others, even if they are mean. But if all of this was really not her fault, maybe we can show her how wonderful having friends is and then she can be the friendliest griffon ever!”
Not every creature is like me. Most of them do not even consider the possibility that their instincts given by nature might be inferior to an alternative. I don't actually know how hard it would be to go against one's nature, but it might be harder than I think. According to Pinkie's story, this Gilda ate an apple after stealing it, which if we put aside the obvious problem of theft, does mean that she is either herbivorous or omnivorous. My own experience with birds is that nearly all of them are omnivorous. Therefore, teaching one to be friendly should be harder than with ponies, but easier than entirely carnivorous creatures, generally speaking. The important thing here is that I think it should be possible. However, we cannot reasonably expect a griffon to adopt a friendly demeanor without a catalyst. If one lived among ponies for an extended period of time, that might do the trick. Gilda is obviously not willing to do that, however, so that is not an option. The only catalyst that might work is if Gilda was made witness to something big, or something that she particularly cares about, that gives reason for her to act friendly. But you also cannot simply stay around her waiting for something big to happen. If you approach Gilda without being prompted, she will just get even more mad at you. That will hurt your chances of making her friendly.
This is what Pinkie understood from that:
“It's not easy to turn nice if one is already mean. Maybe you can teach her. But she doesn't want to listen. Maybe she will want to listen if something happens. But not if you make bad thing happen.
Pinkie put down her crayon and turned to her pet. “What do I do, Gummy?”
“There is only one way that I can see to befriend Gilda. You must let her go.”
Pinkie cringed. “Are you sure that's the only way?”
It is the only way that I can think of. Once you let her go, there is the possibility that she will face hardship one day. It seems hardship has a way of getting creatures to reevaluate themselves, and possibly change themselves. She might experience hardship, and then she might remember her friendship with Rainbow Dash, and then she might decide to return to her. If that happens, then it will be Rainbow Dash who she wants help from, not you. You can help Rainbow Dash.
Pinkie smiled. “Thanks Gummy. You're so clever, you!” She leaned down and gave the gator a kiss on the snout, and then stood back up.
“Then I don't have to worry about Gilda any more, at least for now!” she declared. “I know what I will do if she ever comes back, and until then, I have parties to plan!”
I am pleased that you are happy.
And that particular 'phrase' was one that Pinkie understood perfectly.
The Many Philosophical Musings of Gummy the Alligator
Actions Have Consequences S1E7
“Oh Gummy! Where are you? Wait 'til you here about today ! There was this dragon and- *GASP*! Gummy !”
Pinkie hurried to her pet's side. Next to him were three tubs of ice cream.
“Oh. My. Gosh Gummy! Did you eat one bucket of vanilla ice cream, one bucket of chocolate ice cream, and one bucket of strawberry ice cream, all while I was away having a super-spectacular adventure with my friends?”
Yes. Ughhhhh...
“Gummy, you should know better! Shame on you! Why did you do it?”
I was attempting to determine which is superior in taste experimentally. I tried the vanilla first, and it was delicious. And I tried the strawberry second, and it tasted even better. And then I tried the chocolate, and it tasted the best of all. But then I realized that it is fairly unlikely that I would stumble upon the correct order of ascending superiority on the first try, and decided that perhaps I had made a mistake. And so I tried the vanilla again in order to make sure.
That was when I discovered that the vanilla tasted better than the chocolate. And then I tried the strawberry again, and it was better, and then the chocolate, and it was better.
At this point, I tried to trick the pattern by going backwards. I want back to strawberry after the chocolate, and I discovered that it was better. Naturally, I was quite baffled by these conflicting results, and I resolved to keep testing until I discovered whatever anomaly causing the strange results.
It was only after I finished all three buckets that I realized what the anomaly was. Time. Time was what was causing the strange results. Whichever flavor I had tried most recently was the one that tasted best.
“Well, was it worth it?” asked Pinkie chastisingly.
Maybe. That depends on how long this misery will last...
Oh, who am I kidding. This was a such a dumb idea! And the only reason I didn't figure out what the anomaly was sooner was because I'm such a selfish gator.
“I'll go see Fluttershy and ask her for some medicine,” said Pinkie seriously. “You can stay here and think about this.”
I always do.
Pinkie Pie turned back around, but before she could open the door, she stopped herself. “You know, you could use some friends when I'm not around to keep you company. And to keep you out of trouble.”
I am in no position to argue.
Pinkie finally opened the door and left the room.
Well, I suppose now would be a good time to remind myself that hardships can make me a better gator.
They CAN. That doesn't always mean that they WILL!
