"... As if I’d want to spend all my time taking their bits."
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"... As if I’d want to spend all my time taking their bits."
“CANNONBALL!!!”
The orb-shaped pink blur crashes through the surface of the jacuzzi’s water, sending a miniature tidal wave crashing over its edges and drenching Rainbow Dash in the process. The pegasus shakes off the moisture and turns to Pinkie Pie, irritated by the latter’s actions.
“HEY, WATCH IT!”
Pinkie’s head bobs up from below the water level. “Oopsie … sorry, Rainbow Dash. I’m just super excited to have all of you here today!” Her gaze shifts to her other four friends, all still taking in the splendor of the suite.
Rarity eyes the room. “Well … it’s certainly spacious, but those two hucksters could stand to learn a little more about proper elegance, particularly for special guests such as ourselves.”
“They don’t even offer pet services,” Fluttershy adds. “Oh, I hope Spike will be able to properly tend to Angel’s needs.”
Twilight turns to Applejack. “Are you feeling OK? You don’t seem very happy to be here.”
“Ah don’t trust those two. Flim and Flam are up to somethin’; of that Ah am certain.”
“Oh, lighten up AJ!” Rainbow states. “You need to unwind. Maybe take a spin on their ‘Dizzytron Experience’. I mean, it’s not the real thing of course, but it does look pretty awesome.”
Pinkie bounds her way out of the jacuzzi and shakes off the water, sending a fine mist every which way which causes the others to wince slightly. “Besides, all expenses are paid!”
Applejack’s eyebrow rises slightly. “Yer sure about that.”
“All thanks to this little card,” Pinkie replies as she fishes a card from her hair. “They called it a ‘platinum card’, and they said it would be good for all the attractions at the resort, except the casino section.” She laughs before continuing: “As if I’d want to spend all my time taking their bits.”
“And you honestly believe Flim and Flam when they tell you that.”
“Whaaat? They said the card would be good for me and my guests.”
Pinkie’s comment catches Rainbow’s attention. “You mean ‘you and a guest’, right?”
“That’s what I said, me and all my guests!”
Rainbow instinctively raises a forehoof to her head as the others turn to each other with a sense of impending doom.
“We’d better straighten this out,” Twilight recommends, “before things spiral out of control.”
“Well if it isn’t the Elements of Harmony!” Flim exclaims in an enthusiastic voice, before tamping down upon seeing a particular farm pony. “Always a pleasure to renew your acquaintance, Applejack.”
As Twilight and the others gaze upon the various knickknacks and gizmos adorning the walls of the spacious office, Applejack’s focus remains entirely on the unicorn owners of the resort. “Cut the apple cores, we know what you did?”
Flam exudes shock. “I am hurt that you would think us capable of sinister deeds.”
“You tricked Pinkie Pie into bringing all of us here!” Applejack’s accusation is met by much explanation, beginning with Flim:
“We did no such thing. We merely advertised our resort as a place to bring friends …”
“… as we would do for any potential customer of our establishment. It just so happens that your friend has special perks”
“which are valid for herself and a guest; of course, anypony else along for the ride will certainly have to pay for her share …”
“… and I’m confident that your friend explained all of this to you before bringing all of you here”
“because it would be a shame if the Elements of Harmony shirked the expenses of a reputable establishment such as this …”
“… and truly, that wouldn’t be honest of you, now would it!!?”
Applejack shifts her gaze to Pinkie Pie, her eyes rolling deep as her friend sheepishly smiles. “Maybe I overestimated the value of that card a teeny bit.”
Twilight steps up to confront the brothers. “OK, we’ll just settle up and be on our way. We only just got here; I doubt we could have run up too much of a tab.”
Flim continues his explanation: “Well you have to understand, reserving a suite such as yours costs a pretty bit …”
“… not to mention the opportunity cost of not reserving said suite for another VIP who would take full advantage of what we have to offer with this resort.”
“But if my calculations are correct, deducting of course one-third of the cost of the mega-suite to account for Pinkie Pie and her guest …”
“… that leaves the tidy sum total of ten-thousand bits; how do you wish to pay?”
Twilight’s eyes grow to the size of dinner plates. “YOU’RE CHARGING US TEN-THOUSAND BITS FOR FIVE MINUTES’ WORTH OF ROOM TIME???”
“A suite like this reserved for a whole week normally runs fifteen-thousand bits; whale-ponies like the Rich family pay such amounts without batting an eye …”
“… but if your group finds itself short of necessary funds, I’m sure we can work something out that would benefit everypony involved.”
“Perhaps a six-month contract where you demonstrate your skills for our patrons; that would certainly drive up business here …”
“… but of course you’d need to sign an exclusivity contract and move out here for the duration.”
*ENOUGH!!!*
Fuming, Applejack nudges Twilight aside and looks Flim directly in the eyes. “WE DON’T HAVE ANY MONEY, AND WE AIN’T GONNA BE YOUR LITTLE SIDESHOW!”
Flim turns to Flam. “It appears we have reached some sort of impasse …”
“… oh, I doubt the masses will approve of the beloved Elements of Harmony shirking an honest entertainment cost. What a message to send to those who look up to you.”
Rarity sighs and approaches the twosome. “I’ve only got fifty bits on hoof. I was going to get some souvenirs for Sweetie Belle, but honestly, your gift shop leaves much to be desired in terms of good taste. In any case, I could offer you that amount for starters, and we can certainly come up with the rest in due time. But even you should see that little will be gained from your end for dragging our good names through the mud.” Her horn illuminates as the bits float from a coinpurse into the air.
Flim eyes the hovering bits. “Fifty bits is barely a drop in the bucket, but you do make a valid point.” An idea pops into his head, and he again turns to his brother. “Are you thinking what I’m thinking? …”
“… Double-or-nothing?” Flam answers. Flim nods, and Flam addresses the group.
“… since you have some seed-money, so to speak, maybe you can grow that money into an amount to pay off your debts.”
“As you certainly are aware, we offer a veritable cornucopia of games that allow you the opportunity to increase your financial fortunes many times over …”
“… so we propose the following: you fine mares take your fifty bits over to our gambling establishment, or ‘casino’ as we call it, and win back the money you owe us.”
“But if you happen to lose your fifty bits, then you agree to our demands and work for us for the next six months …”
“… so what do you say? We have a deal?”
Before the others can react, Pinkie Pie bounds over and grabs their hooves. “Deal!”
The others cry out in unison, “What are you doing???”
“Relax, I’ll just turn that fifty bits into ten-thousand at the Wheel. I did it before, it shouldn’t be too hard to do it again.” Her gaze darkens. “Not that I wanted to spend all my time here earning bits … but a pony’s gotta do what a pony’s gotta do, right?”
Flim and Flam each shake their heads. “Sorry, Miss Pie, but in case you forgot the condition of your card …”
“… you are banned from gambling at our establishment. But don’t fear: I’m sure your friends are capable of making up the difference.”
“I mean, just look at how Rainbow Dash did at the Wheel …”
The two brothers share a hearty laugh and Pinkie turns to face the others. “Sorry, I maybe forgot about that condition.” Flam, meanwhile, continues he and his brother’s response.
“… and just to make sure you don’t help your friends out, we’ll be keeping tabs on you.”
“Also, we need to see how you were able to accumulate twelve-thousand, three hundred and seventy-five tickets playing Skee-ball.” Flim turns to Flam: “Seriously, I didn’t even think our machines held so many tickets.”
Pinkie’s ears droop in sadness. Twilight immediately replies in an effort to lift her spirits: “Don’t worry, Pinkie Pie. We’ll find a way to get out of this. I’m sure of it.”
The others agree and insist to Pinkie that things will work out OK, save for Rainbow Dash, who thinks back to her own foray: “Maybe I’ll just stay away from the Wheel, though.”
“… Fear not; there are myriads of gambling games for you and your friends to choose from.”
“But time is wasting, so why not get out there and Win, Win, Win! …”
With a nod, Twilight leads the others out of Flim and Flam’s office.
“… You really think it’s a good idea to risk what we have on them over fifty bits?”
“Every little bit helps,” Flim assures his brother, “and they will sign on for us when they fail. Besides, we both know the odds are astronomically stacked against them.”
Pinkie sighs. In a moment of weakness, Flam tries to get her to feel better about her plight: “Hey, there’s always a chance, right?”
“That’s not it … you said ‘astronomical’, and I’ve still never been to space.”
The final ball rolls right down the center of the lane, hits the ramp, and sails into the ‘50’ slot. The last of the ticket roll empties out of the machine, hundreds of tickets now piling up around Pinkie’s hooves.
Flim and Flam look at each other incredulously. “If I hadn’t seen it with my own eyes,” Flim admits.
“How are you able to do so well at this?” Flam asks the sullen pink pony.
“Just a knack, I guess,” she forlornly replies.
The murmuring voices cause the brothers to look towards the throng of ponies watching the spectacle.
“Brother, having Little-Miss-Bringdown here isn’t helping business,” Flim states. “Perhaps we should escort her back to our office until her friends return.”
“What about all the tickets she won?” Flam asks.
Pinkie turns to the crowd. “Everypony help yourself,” she announces in a low monotone before sulking away from the machine. Moments later, ponies descend upon the tickets like piranha.
“Now now,” Flim says with a big smile, “Las Pegasus isn’t a place for sad ponies.” His comment is met with yet another sigh.
Flam intercedes: “We should be checking in on the progress of her friends, anyway. Honestly, I thought they would have joined her by now, having busted out.” He turns to Pinkie: “What say you? Care to see your friends in action? Maybe get a smile back on your face, in front of all these good patrons?”
“That would be nice,” Pinkie replies with the tiniest glimpse of hope.
“Well then … what say we start off with the races?”
Pinkie gasps. “You’re racist?”
Flam shakes his head. “No no no, races … as in competitions. We have a rotating group of ponies who participate in derbies for our betting public.”
“Not to mention the one-off greyhounds,” Flim adds.
The sullenness fading away, Pinkie asks with interest: “Wait, you have ponies running around in hats?”
“That’s not what—”
“I WANNA SEE PONIES RUNNING AROUND IN HATS!!!”
Flim puts a hoof to his head. “Just follow us, please.”
As Flim and Flam approach the betting cages, Pinkie Pie now pronking behind them, they’re startled to see a large throng of hopeful bettors in line.
“It’s not usually so crowded here,” Flam states. “What’s gotten in to everypony?”
Flim approaches one of the ponies in the queue. “You there, what’s with all the commotion?”
“We’re all gonna be rich!” The pony blurts out. “This one pegasus keeps picking winners!”
Flim’s jaw drops. He quickly rushes towards the track area, where another crowd of ponies anxiously await the advice of a particular cyan-colored, rainbow-maned tout.
Rainbow Dash looks over the eight participants for an upcoming race. She muses for a minute before …
“Townhouse; he’s gonna take this one.” Immediately, the crowd swells towards the betting cages, leaving her alone with the brothers and …
“PINKIE PIE!!!” Rainbow calls out as she rushes toward her friends and gives her a warm embrace. “This is one of the most awesome days of my life!”
“What’cha been up to?” Pinkie asks with renewed enthusiasm.
“Well, I was strolling around the casino, trying to find something I might be good at. And I made my way to this section; seriously, I can’t believe I didn’t find this the last time I was here.”
“We had these facilities put in not too long ago,” Flim sheepishly tells his now-reticent brother. “It seemed like a good idea.”
“So I get a good look at the racers, and I can just tell which one’s gonna win. I mean, it’s just second-nature to me.”
“So you’ve been winning?” Pinkie asks.
“Yeah, like, first I won a hundred bits, and then five hundred. And the next thing I know, other ponies start paying me just for my advice! It’s amazing!” A nearby horn plays a familiar tune. “Oh wait, looks like this race is about to start.”
Rainbow and Pinkie watch as the participants prepare to race. Moments later, they bolt out the gate and an announcer takes over:
… Biting Humor fading as they make the final turn, followed by Smarty Pants, Chocolate Kisses, and Lady Apricot, but here comes Townhouse, and DOWN THE STRETCH THEY COME, Smarty Pants and Chocolate Kisses are trying to keep up, but it’s TOWNHOUSE ALL THE WAY HOME!!! …
A throng of cheers goes up from the masses as Rainbow beams with professional pride. Pinkie Pie gives the scene a quizzical look. “Racing ponies have odd names,” she notes.
Rainbow chuckles. “Yeah, because ‘Pinkie Pie’ is so normal by comparison.” Pinkie shares the chuckle as Rainbow inspects the next crop of would-be racers, her eyes focused on each one. “Hmmm, which pony do I like in this race …”
“PONY RACING CLOSED FOR TODAY!!!”
The throng of cheers quickly turns to groans as the crowd slowly disperses. Rainbow turns to Flim and Flam in surprise: “HEY, WHAT GIVES?”
Flim stammers for a response: “Well, we need to, uh, make sure the racers don’t overexert themselves …”
“… they’ve been, um, pushed too far as it is,” Flam adds, beads of sweat forming on both his and his brother’s forehead.
“Likely story,” Rainbow grouses.
A tan-colored pegasus flutters up to her. “Thanks again, Miss Dash. That was incredible!”
She smiles. “No problem. Guess the show is over.”
“Doesn’t have to be; word is, another pony is crushing the greyhound track.” The stranger quickly zips away, leaving Rainbow, Pinkie, and the brothers behind.
“You don’t suppose …”
“… Sweet Celestia, we gotta stop her!”
The unicorns bolt away from the scene, with Rainbow and Pinkie giving pursuit.
Though more modest by comparison, the greyhound betting cages are no less swamped by scores of would-be bettors placing wages. Without waiting to see firsthoof, Flam quickly gains access to a loudspeaker:
“ALL RACING NOW CLOSED FOR THE DAY!!!”
Mass-grumbling ensues, but nopony confronts the owners. Slowly, the crowd disperses, leaving a sole yellow pegasus bent down near the track speaking to a number of dogs.
“Thank you again for all your assistance. My friends and I are ever so grateful.”
One greyhound leaps up and gives Fluttershy numerous licks to the face. Catching a glimpse of Flim and Flam, the dog quickly leaps away from the pegasus and scampers back to the others.
Flim quickly begins to admonish Fluttershy: “That’s grand-scale cheating—”
“HOW DARE YOU!!!”
Fluttershy’s surprising response and steel glaze shuts Flim up immediately.
“How DARE you treat those poor dogs the way you do, keeping them all cooped up with no play time, making them run around a track all day for YOUR enjoyment!”
“Wait, no, it’s … it’s nothing like that. We just, uh …”
“These greyhounds should be someponies’ pets, where they can give love and affection. They are NOT … I repeat, NOT … mindless machines for your dirty hooves to handle!”
“… Please,” Flam begins to plead, “no more, we’ll … we’ll scrap the greyhound races, I promise …”
Seeing the two brothers sufficiently cowering before her, Fluttershy gives them a stern look and a nod.
Flam turns to Flim. “Let’s just cut our losses here and check back in on the casino area. At least there’s no way any of them could break those games.”
Flim nods and the two trudge off, leaving Fluttershy to explain things to Rainbow and Pinkie.
“That … was … AWESOME!!!”
Fluttershy sighs upon hearing Rainbow’s accolade. “I hope I wasn’t too hard on Flim and Flam, but if they’ve learned their lesson then I’m satisfied.”
“What happened here?” Pinkie asks.
“Those poor dogs … they’re forced to run around in laps all day while ponies bet on who wins each race. I told them in between races that I would speak to Flim and Flam about their plight, and they agreed to help me out with our financial issues.”
“Waitaminute,” Rainbow interrupts. “So basically, those dogs were finishing in specific orders for your benefit?”
Fluttershy blushes. “I didn’t ask them to, but when I told them about why I was there in the first place, they practically insisted. And those mean unicorn brothers … I guess the greyhounds wanted a chance at revenge, and I offered them that chance.”
Rainbow doubles over in hysterics.
. . .
“So how much did the two of you earn?” Pinkie asks with renewed vigor.
Fluttershy peaks into her saddlebag at the myriad of multicolor chips. “Gee … looks like, I don’t know, five … thousand? …” She blushes again. “I must have lost track.”
“You and me both,” Rainbow adds, her bout of laughter now passed. “I made around five K myself.”
“Rainbow Dash, we need BITS, not K’S!”
Rainbow rolls her eyes at Pinkie’s comment. “Let’s just meet up with the others. The two of us alone have enough to get out from under Flim and Flam’s hooves; I’d hate to think the others buried us deeper.”
“YIPEE!!! Follow me, everypony!” With that, Pinkie pronks away towards the main casino, the others fluttering behind.
“… I don’t mean to say ‘I told you so’.”
“And yet you insist on doing so anyway! …”
“… I merely suggest that we should have known some ponies would be capable of breaking our live racing format; we should stick to the table games where pure math dictates we come out ahead.”
Flim sighs and acknowledges his brother’s comment. “So much for signing the Elements of Harmony up for live shows.”
“At least the damage is done,” Flam assures as they make their way into the main casino area. “It’s one thing to read pony racers and talk to animals, but quite another to break a table game.”
Flim stops in his tracks, causing Flam to bump into him. “Why are there so many ponies huddled around that Twenty-One table?” he asks with apprehension.
Flam scans the scene. “Pay no mind; if you saw the Princess of Friendship playing here, you’d be interested, too.”
“Uh huh … and that stack of black and purple chips?”
Flam takes a second look as his jaw drops. “That’s impossible!” he blurts out as he races towards the table, Flim hurrying behind.
As they push their way past onlookers, they see Twilight playing five hands at once, with five-hundred-bit chips placed on each pair of player cards. As the round progresses, they watch as four out of five hands pay out. A cheer erupts from the onlookers, as the brothers watch the last of the table’s chips get shoved towards Twilight.
“Table’s closed,” the unicorn dealer announces. “The Princess has cleaned us out!”
The onlookers groan in sadness, before collectively stomping their hooves in appreciation of the effort. As the crowd disperses, Twilight begins sorting her chips by color.
“What? … How? …”
Twilight looks up and eyes the stuttering Flam. “Oh, hey there! I think this ought to cover our expenses for the week. Hmmm, got quite a bit left over; I suppose the School could always use some improvements, and this should help out.”
Slightly less fazed than his brother, Flim addresses Twilight: “What did you just do?”
Twilight looks down at her stack of chips, then turns to Flim. “I won. Seems simple enough, right?”
“But how? There’s no mathematical way you could do this?”
“That’s what I thought, at first. I mean, why would you guys have a game like that here, right? But after a couple rounds, I saw that I could keep track of which cards were dealt and which ones were still to come … and I was able to alter my betting accordingly.”
“THAT’S AN EIGHT-DECK SHOE!!!” Flam cries out.
“Oh? Gee, I didn’t notice,” Twilight replies. “Say, this is quite a pile of chips. You think I could get a receipt for all this? So much easier to carry around slips of paper than bulky chips.”
Flam grumbles under his breath, then turns to the dealer. “Escort the Princess of Friendship to the payout cages, and assist her please,” he says through clenched teeth.
The dealer obliges; his horn illuminates as the pile of bits wafts into the air. He then leads Twilight away from the table, leaving the brothers to once again shake their heads in astonishment.
“… Seriously, eight decks and she can beat the game!”
“We both knew Twenty-One was theoretically beatable, but I never thought I’d see it happen, either …”
“… at least the other games here don’t work like that,” Flam reassures himself. “Thank Celestia for deterministic play.”
Another crowd catches Flim’s attention. “Like the Red-Black Wheel? …” he asks.
“… Indeed. There’s a game that nopony could crush.”
“Mind telling that to my former star-pupil? …”
Flam cocks his head. “… you mean that purple-maned unicorn? What about her?”
Flim barely catches his brother’s query, having raced off to the newest source of crowding. Flam gives chase, his mind once again racing upon seeing the crowd.
No sooner do they arrive that they hear the murmurs from the onlookers: “Sixteen in a row!” “How does she do it?” “Look at that stack of chips!”
In what feels like a purgatory-induced refrain, the unicorn brothers push their way past the onlookers to find Rarity hunched over a spinning wheel. A cry of ‘Final Bets’ precedes the flick of a marble around the spinning wheel; a split-second later, Rarity pushes her ever-growing stack onto a red rectangle. The marble zips around the wheel several times before its orbit degrades and it falls into the compartment area of the wheel, flicking around several times before coming to a rest …
“Thirty-two, Red,” the dealer calls out as he pushes a matching stack of chips towards Rarity, who clops her hooves together with a satisfying ‘oooh’.
“Plainity!” Flim calls out before catching himself, “I mean, Rarity! What’s going on here!”
“Oh, hello there,” she pleasantly replies. “I must admit, darling, I wasn’t sold at first on the color scheme you used on this device, but I have grown to appreciate the contrasting simplicity between red and black … and the green accents do tie the wheel together.”
“Miss Rarity,” Flam asks, “how are you able to guess the marble’s location seventeen times in a row?”
“Was it that many? I wasn’t keeping track … but I work with colors every day, dearie, and doing so gives me a trained eye with color-recognition. Really, it doesn’t feel difficult at all; how is it that you make money on a game like this?”
Flam stammers for a response as Rarity patiently waits for the next roll of the marble.
“Oh my, I don’t see … oh, there it is,” she says as she pushes her stack to the pair of green numbers on the table.”
“That’s a thousand bits’ worth of chips! …” Flim cries out.
“… on the seventeen-to-one payout!” Flam adds.
The marble slows and bounces around as it hits the wheel, eventually resting on …
“Double-zero!” the dealer announces, showing a vastly larger pile of chips towards Rarity.
“Oh my, I thought all the bets here were one-to-one. It may be difficult to push this stack around, but—”
“YOUR FRIENDS ARE WAITING FOR YOU! …” Flim announces in desperation.
“I beg your pardon?”
“… Yes, they’re all meeting up, for … friendship stuff,” Flam adds. “You should join them immediately; mustn’t keep them waiting, you know.”
“Oh, well then …” Rarity’s horn glows as her pile of chips lifts steadily into the air. “Guess I should cash these in first,” she states simply as she leaves the table.
“This is a disaster!” Flim declares. “At this rate …”
“… you don’t have to tell me,” Flam replies. “Let’s just find Applejack and get them out of here before it gets any worse.”
“How much worse could it be …” Flim starts, before eyeing one last crowd. He shakes his head: “And why did I say that out loud?”
“Now what?” Flam adds as he and Flim make their way towards the Dice tables.
One more table game, one more crowd of gawkers watching a pony crush said table game.
“COME ON, SEVEN … GRANNY NEEDS A NEW HIP! …”
Applejack whips a pair of dice from her tail across a welled felt table; they hit the interior portion of the wall opposite her position and come to rest on a five and a two.”
“SEVEN, WINNER!” the dealer announces to a cheering crowd, pushing the two dice along with an ever-increasing pile of chips towards the farm pony.
“Really now, this is beyond the pale!” Flim angrily decrees.
“What pail; I ain’t got no milkin’ to do today!” Applejack replies.
“You’re the epitome of honesty,” Flam states. “How could you of all ponies resort to cheating!”
“HOW DARE YOU accuse me, you know I ain’t no cheat!” Applejack retorts.
Flim turns to the dealer: “How many sevens has this pony thrown in a row?”
“Twenty-three,” the dealer replies somewhat sheepishly.
“And you didn’t switch out the dice?” Flam adds.
“I’ve been using every die in stock,” the dealer responds. “She’s still getting sevens each time.”
“Well that’s the whole point of this game, right?” Applejack asks. “Ah’m supposed to roll sevens to win, ain’t Ah?”
“But the chances of doing that repeatedly are astronomical,” Flam states. “You CAN’T be doing this honestly.”
“Y’all make it sound like such a big to-do. There ain’t nothin’ about it, though, watch:”
Applejack’s tail again wraps around the two dice, rises into the air, and whips them towards the far end of the tail. They bounce off the walled interior and come to a rest on a six and a one.”
“SEVEN, WINNER!” the dealer again announces as the crowd again hollers in excitement. “TWENTY-FOUR IN A ROW!!!”
“But, but, … how are you able to get seven every time!?” Flam stammers.
“It’s mathematically impossible!” Flim adds.
“Heck, Ah ain’t much for fancy math, but Ah know muscle and work; this just requires a bit more precision, is all,” Applejack plainly replies as her tail wraps around the dice for another go.
“ENOUGH!”
Flam’s exclamation grabs Applejack’s attention. “Enough what?”
“OUR OFFICE!” Flim adds, “YOU AND YOUR DO-GOODER FRIENDS! COME WITH US!”
Flam cocks his head as a burly security-pony strolls over. Applejack looks over the large pony, then turns to the brothers.
“Honestly? You two got a lot to learn about friendship.”
As Rarity, Pinkie Pie, and Fluttershy amble around the spacious office of the owners, Twilight, Rainbow Dash, and Applejack eye the two unicorn brothers as they tally up the last of the winnings.
“How much you reckon that all adds up to?”
Twilight turns to Applejack. “Off-hoof, I’d say somewhere around sixty-two thousand, seven hundred and fifty bits.”
“OH, COME ON!!!”
Twilight turns back to face Flam. “What?”
“THAT’S EXACTLY HOW MUCH YOU FIVE TOOK IN!” Flam replies irritatingly.
“Down to the last bit,” Flim glumly adds.
“Split six ways, that’s over ten-thousand bits each,” Rainbow calculates. “We’re rich!!!”
“Yes, about that,” Flim starts. Rainbow’s eyebrow raises.
“About what,” Rainbow presses.
“Sit down, all of you,” Flam asks. The sixsome crowd together and take a spot on the floor, as Flim begins to explain:
“We would like to remind you that we run an establishment that employs hundreds of ponies …”
“… not to mention maintenance costs for the buffet, attractions, and the like.”
“So our gambling games are designed in no small part to augment payment for these things, to help this resort continue to grow and flourish …”
“… and it’s designed so that, on average, nopony loses more than a small fraction of what they bring, while at the same time the aggregate total take helps our sustainability.”
“But when whales come and clean out the bank, that puts the whole operation in serious jeopardy …”
“… think of the sudden loss of employment, not to mention the loss of sales for vital goods and services.”
“To sum up: what’s good for the Flim and Flam Resort is good for Las Pegasus …”
“… and what’s bad for Las Pegasus is the loss of its crown jewel. You see what we’re saying?”
. . .
“Anypony swallowin’ this load of rotten apples?” Applejack asks.
“Forget that,” Pinkie replies, “how come I never saw any whales???”
“You’re not forcing sea creatures to perform for you too, are you?” Fluttershy asks.
“I think what Applejack is trying to say,” Rarity states, “is that these two scoundrels are trying to get out of settling up.”
“And that’s not gonna happen!” Rainbow confidently adds as she stares straight at the unicorn brothers.
“We mean everything we say!” Flim pleads. “Our margins are razor-thin.”
“That’s not the impression I got the last time I was here,” Twilight notes.
“We did what you wanted,” Flam answers, “and after deducting the cost of expenses for running the University, we came out behind.”
“No skin off our flanks,” Rainbow says dismissively. “Some other pony will come along and take over the resort.”
“Yes, but … do you really want someone like Gladmane back in charge?” Flim asks.
Fluttershy sighs. “Gladmane was a bad owner … so bad, the Tree of Harmony sent us to stop him.”
“Exactly,” Flam adds, “so … better the devil you know?”
“Y’all ain’t convincin’ me,” Applejack resolutely states.
Flim turns to Flam. “I was hoping it wouldn’t come to this …”
“… we know what we need to do,” Flam adds.
The two turn to face the group of six, eyes peeled, gaze focused, and …
… immediately get on their knees and beg, tears forming from their eyes as their voices crack:
“PLEASE DON’T MAKE US PAY!!!”
“WE GOT NOWHERE ELSE TO GO!!!”
“THIS IS THE FIRST TIME WE’VE EVER DONE ANYTHING LEGITIMATELY!!!”
“WE CAN’T GO BACK TO LIVING OUT OF SUITCASES!!!”
“WE’RE SORRY!!!”
“WE WON’T TRY TO SCAM YOU AGAIN!!!”
“WE’LL DO ANYTHING!!!”
. . .
Rainbow Dash has to suppress a gag reflex. “Oh, for Celestia’s sake …”
“They do sound sincere,” Fluttershy adds. “Maybe we should take pity on them.”
“On these two?” Applejack turns back towards the pitiful twosome, then back to her friends. “Ah’ll admit, they make for a sorry sight … but we can’t just let ‘em off the hook; they’d learn nothin’ from all this.”
Pinkie Pie steps towards the brothers and turns to face the others. “Everypony, leave the negotiating to me …”
Rainbow Dash puts a forehoof to her forehead, knowing where this is leading …
As final preparations are made for the evening’s fireworks show, Rainbow Dash eyes the massive cannon being set into position from the comfort of a luxury suite. “I still can’t believe we let Pinkie Pie make that offer to the Flim Flam brothers,” she says to the others, her gaze focused on the preparations. “It just makes me sick.”
“Please … don’t say ‘sick’ …”
Rainbow turns to a queasy Applejack, woozy as she lay on the ground. “Hey, you’re the one who wanted to prove you could handle the Dizzytron Experience. I did warn you.”
Fluttershy joins the conversation: “I don’t think we let them off that easily.”
“ARE YOU KIDDING??? They were in debt to us for over SIXTY-THOUSAND BITS!”
“Actually, fifty-thousand, after deducting what they were charging us for—”
“WHATEVER,” Rainbow interjects, dismissing Twilight’s correction. “We could have put them back on the street!”
“You mean back where they’d come to places like Ponyville and rip off our friends?” Rarity asks.
“It’s not like they don’t do that anyway,” Rainbow points out. “Remember last year’s Hearthswarming? Applejack, back me up here!”
The ensuing moan from the still-fallen farm pony elicits a groan and a ‘never mind’ from the pegasus.
“They did agree to a few things,” Twilight points out. “They’re scaling back their casino business in favor of more pony-friendly entertainment.”
“And they’re closing down that awful dog-racing track,” Fluttershy adds. “I hear they’re going to give away those adorable greyhounds as pets to those willing to take them off their hooves.”
“And don’t forget about them closing that loophole they caught Pinkie Pie with,” Rarity states, showing off her own ‘platinum black’ card. Now we all have one, and each one is good for an individual plus five guests. Now I can bring all my storeponies here for a business retreat, or Applejack could bring her whole family for a spell.”
Another moan causes Rarity to turn to Applejack. “Er … maybe avoid the Dizzytron Experience next time, darling.”
“Uh huh,” she utters.
“Besides,” Twilight also adds, “I think Flim and Flam learned a lesson here: they can’t just profit off of the celebrity of other ponies.”
. . .
“Finished,” Flim declares as he completes work on his latest ad campaign. “Come take a look and tell me what you think.”
Flam approaches his brother’s desk and inspects the work. “Brilliant!” he states. “We’ll put billboards up and hand flyers out immediately … uh, immediately after they head back to Ponyville. No sense in tipping them off while they’re still here.”
“Good point,” Flim replies as he and Flam re-read the tagline for a new advertising campaign:
THE EXCLUSIVE GAMBLING VENUE FOR THE ELEMENTS OF HARMONY
. . .
“I guess you’re all right about all of that,” Rainbow Dash admits, “and I do like the idea of bringing all the Wonderbolts here and treating them like I own the place.”
“With these cards,” Rarity says, “we kind of do. Good thing, too, because I have a lot of thoughts regarding these drab interiors.”
Rainbow turns again towards the exterior window. “Honestly, I still think Pinkie Pie was mostly interested in that last provision.”
“Well it’s not like she’s gonna have this opportunity again,” Twilight states as she and the others—including a better-but-still-shaky Applejack—approach the window to take in the festivities.”
“Couldn’t she have just insisted in planning the night’s fireworks display?” Fluttershy asks.
“You know Pinkie Pie,” Rarity says, “go big or go home.”
“Considerin’ the size of that, might as well be ‘go big and go home’,” Applejack corrects as a countdown drones towards the crowd below.
“3 … 2 … 1 …”
The cannon fires, spewing confetti and streamers all around the area as a solitary, sentient, pink particle of a pony blasts off into the night sky.
“CANNONBALL!!!”
