When Dating Advice Doesn't Work...

Chapters

Chapter 1: Spike's, Twilight Sparkle's, and Rainbow Dash's Advice
Chapter 2: Applejack's and Fluttershy's Advice
Chapter 3: Rarity's and Pinkie Pie's Advice
Chapter 4: Starlight Glimmer's and Trixie's Advice
Chapter 5: Sunset Shimmer's Advice, a Confession, and a Dance

Chapter 1: Spike's, Twilight Sparkle's, and Rainbow Dash's Advice

Hey, Eric "Buggie" Reed here.

Since being stuck in Equestria, I was forced to adjust to a world that's odder, at times much odder, and sometimes scarier than my old human world, and my "real-life" appearance only made me stand out even more. However, my friends, and especially my three Equestrian siblings, Princess Twilight Sparkle, Starlight Glimmer and Spike tried their best to make me feel at home, and Equestria feels like home now.

Even so, nothing could change that I'm the only human in Equestria, even though I'm now used to it. The magic from the "Nightmare Prevention Spell" that's still stuck in me, for some reason, prevents me from passing through the portal to "Sunset Shimmer's" world, so I can't go there to talk to other humans, or try to land a "very special someone" or just visit. Even Twilight and Princess Celestia can't figure out why I can't do it, though Twilight still tries to figure it out sometimes.

I tried to, but I could never look at mares like that without it feeling weird, but I mainly accepted I would never have a "relationship", because of the weirdness I'd feel with a "marefriend". And for that matter, they might feel just as weird about dating a human.

But then, it happened. A mare came along that I could look at like that, and it didn't feel weird. Yep. I actually fell for a pony!

It all started when Spike and I were strolling through the marketplace in Ponyville. The sun shone from directly overhead with a breeze blowing that forced me to hold on to my white hat that Rarity made for me, which has a design of my friends' Cutie Marks on it, with Twilight's and Starlight's Cutie Marks near the top. With a bunch of ponies walking in front of the many stands in the marketplace talking and a few Pegasi flew high in the air -- including a certain cross-eyed grey one -- Spike and I were talking about another gift he bought for Rarity; poor guy's still trying to land her. She, as well as Twilight, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Applejack, and Pinkie Pie were off having their "girl time" and Starlight was with Trixie (again) so with the mares away, Spike and I decided to have some "bro time".

With a chuckle, I asked, "So, you got Rarity another gift, huh, Spike?"

"What do you mean, 'another' gift?"

"Please, this is like your hundredth one to her since I got to Equestria, and I haven't even been here a year."

Spike rolled his eyes. "Oh, come on, I haven't given her that many gifts!"

"No, I guess not. It's more like your ninety-ninth gift."

"Oh, very funny, Eric. Maybe when you get a crush I'll pick on you!"

Maybe it's because we're both guys, and for that matter are like brothers, but Spike's more willing to admit his true feelings for Rarity to me than to the others. Even more so than to Twilight, who's like his big sister too, even if he doesn't call her "big sis" like I do. I have two older human sisters in my old world but I had no brother, so I like finally having someone that's like a brother, let alone a younger sibling.

"Ha, too bad for you, because I don't think that will happen, ever."

"Oh, yeah, you don't look at ponies like that. But I still don't get it, what's wrong with them?"

"Well, There's nothing wrong with ponies. But it just feels...weird to try to do it."

"Well, maybe you could..."

With my head turned to my left to Spike, something bumped into me from my right and, with a grunt, I hit the ground on my side. I growled and started to shout, "Hey, watch where you're--"

I stopped when I saw who knocked me down. It was a mare, a light-green Pegasus, with a soft, dark-red mane which split and flowed down both sides of her face, then went down to just below her chest. The ends of her mane was in two curls, similar to how Fluttershy's mane ends in a curl, except this Pegasus's mane touched and ran down both sides of her face, but Fluttershy's doesn't touch her face. She also had a frown, showing she felt bad, and I stopped scowling.

"Oh, gosh, I am so sorry. I wasn't watching where I was going. Are you all right?" The mare asked me in a sweet voice.

"Uh...yeah, I'm all right. No harm done."

"Oh, I'm so glad to hear that." The mare smiled, raised her hoof to me which I grabbed and held on to, and she lifted me to my feet. As she did, I smelt some perfume that she wore. "My name is Diane Heart, but you can just call me Diane, and I am really sorry I knocked you down. Let me at least try to make it up to you by buying you a cup of cocoa."

"Oh, no, you don't have to do that, Diane."

But Diane shook her head. "Oh, no, please, I insist."

Most of my friends are mares, so I know that if a mare insists on something, just give up. "Well, okay, if you really want to, and thank you. And my name's Eric. Eric Reed, and you can just call me Eric."

Diane gave a cute giggle. "Oh, I already know about you, Eric. Let us go."

Guess I do stand out, being the only human in Equestria and I'm almost as well-known as Twilight, and she's a princess. Along with Spike, I walked beside Diane to a stand selling cocoa, and I noticed she had a Cutie Mark of three blue hearts. She bought us each a cup, which was about the size of a teacup and was white-colored, and even bought Spike a cup, just to be a sweetheart. The three of us sat down in chairs by a square table that was about thirty feet from the stand, with a red and white checkered cloth covering the table, and we talked for about five minutes.

As I gazed at Diane's cute, smiling face, her red mane and green eyes, and listened to her voice, my heart was beating faster, a warm feeling flowed through me and butterflies filled my stomach. I discovered that I was...feeling something. Something I haven't felt since I got to Equestria.

A crush. And despite knowing Diane's a mare, it didn't feel weird, and her having a more "human" name only helped; names like "Diane" are unusual in Equestria. Pinkie Pie's middle name is "Diane" but she's an unusual pony in more ways than one, so it fits her.

After we finished our cocoa, Diane stood from her chair. "Well, it was nice meeting you, Eric and Spike, but I have to go home now. I hope to see you two again."

With my face red I stuttered, "I-I'll hope to see you around s-sometime t-too." I was never good at talking whenever I had a big crush on someone, or somepony in this case, so I started stuttering, even though I didn't do it before.

After Diane trotted away, as I was busy thinking, She's so cute! Spike saw me motionless and staring in the direction Diane walked away, with a love-struck smile on my face. He even hopped on the table to wave his claw in front of my face.

"Okay, what's up with you, Eric? If I didn't know any better, I'd say you have a crush on Diane!"

Shaking my head to regain my focus, but kept smiling, I admitted, "Well, you're gonna get to pick on me, Spike."

"Why you say that?"

"Because you said you'll pick on me if I get a crush. And I'm 'crushed'."

Spike gasped and borderline shouted, "What? Really? You have a crush on Diane? I thought you couldn't look at ponies like that!"

"I guess I do now. Or at least if that pony's Diane."

"Well, what are you gonna do now? Ask her out?"

The thought of asking Diane out sent shivers down my back and my eyes grew big. "No! I can't ask her out!"

"Why?"

I sighed and confessed, "For one thing, I'm a human and she's a pony, so she might feel weird about dating me. And two, I suck at asking out girls I like! Sewing and making kites are just about the only things I'm worse at!"

"Oh, yeah. Those three kites you made could barely fly, and it's a good thing Starlight made you the ones you fly when you two fly kites together. But still, Diane seemed to like you, so just be yourself and ask her out."

"Well...*gulp*...I don't know, Spike. You never saw me ask out girls in my old world, and it was not a pretty sight."

"Oh, come on, just do it, big bro. If you don't, you're going to obsess about it until you do."

"What makes you think I'll 'obsess' about it?"

"Easy. You've spent so much time with Twilight that she's rubbed off on you. She'd obsess like crazy if she were you, so you'll do it too if you don't try."

And little bro Spike had me there. Since I've been stuck in Equestria, out of everyone, I've spent the most time with Twilight, and it made me subconsciously pick up some of her traits and tendencies that I didn't already have. "Point taken. Let's go find Diane."

Spike and I set off to try to find my new crush. While Spike was trying to get me to ask her out, she walked out of sight, so we had to track her down.

Ten minutes later, about twenty feet to Sugarcube Corner, Spike and I spotted Diane walking out its pink doors, and we figured she ordered something. The sweet smell flowing from the bakery made my mouth water, but I couldn't think about that. I needed to make a move on Diane and try not to make a fool out of myself!

"Okay, there she is. You ready?"

I took some steps back. "Well...*gulp* I don't know, Spike."

"Come on, Eric, you can do it. Just be yourself, and she already seemed to like you."

Ha, you gotta love how supportive Spike is, and I nodded my head. "Okay, I'll go. Wish me luck."

"Good luck, but you won't need it."

I took a deep breath and walked up to Diane. My stomach filled up with butterflies, and I could feel my heart pumping like crazy in my chest.

With a smile, Diane asked sweetly, "Oh, hi, Eric. What are you doing here?"

With some drops of sweat running down my face I stuttered, "Uh, w-well, I-I just w-wanted to ask, uh..."

Diane frowned and tilted her head a little. "Umm, Eric? Is something wrong?"

With a rattle, I shook my head. "N-no! Nothing wrong, I-I just--"

"Would you like something to drink, because you're sweating?"

What Diane asked gave me an idea. I stopped trying to talk and walked to a stand with around twenty cupcakes with yellow icing, about the same number of cups, and a much bigger bowl filled with blueberry-flavored juice that The Cakes set up outside Sugarcube Corner. I thought it could help if I first offer to buy Diane a cupcake and a cup of juice.

But right before I got to the stand, I tripped on a rock on the ground, fell onto the table, knocking it over and I hit the ground with a grunt. I rolled halfway in the air after I hit the table, so I landed on my back, and my hat flew off my head towards the doors of the bakery.

A "rain" of cupcakes, cups, and juice from the bowl, which itself flew over me, poured down and buried me. And then, when I sat up with cupcakes falling off my face, a pigeon just had to pick that moment to fly over me and...drop something white on me. On the head!

Diane gasped and ran to me. "Eric? Are you all right?!"

"Yeah, I'm all right, Daisy, uh, I mean, Rosie, uh, I mean..." I was so rattled and embarrassed that I couldn't even get Diane's name right! In the eighteen years I've been alive, I've never embarrassed myself this bad!

Spike finally sped to us, pointed in a direction away from Sugarcube Corner, and said, "Hey, Diane? I think somepony's looking for you over there."

"There is? But what about Eric?"

"Oh, don't worry, I'll check on him and take care of him."

"O-Okay, if you're sure."

Diane trotted off in the direction Spike pointed, and after she was out of hearing range, Spike admitted, "Eric, I told Diane that to get her out of here. Are you all right?"

I rubbed the back of my back and yelped when I touched a bump I got from my fall. "First, thanks for getting rid of Diane, Spike. And second, no, I'm not all right, because I made a fool out of myself! And now I have a big bump and...dropping on my head."

Spike grimaced at what he saw on my head, but still looked at where the bump was. "Ouch. That looks like it hurts, so we should go back to the castle and let you an ice pack for it."

"At least my hat came off my head so it's still clean."

After I picked up and put my hat back on my head, I told the Cakes sorry about ruining the cupcakes and juice, and promised I'd pay the bits for everything I ruined later, and then Spike and I headed to Twilight's castle. It helped that I'm close with Princess Twilight, so the Cakes were better sports than they might have otherwise been. Lucky for me, Pinkie Pie wasn't around, and she wasn't the one that baked those cupcakes, or that pony might've made me into cupcakes!

In the library in Twilight's castle, after a short shower and I put on some clean clothes: a white shirt and dark-blue pants that each had a design of Rarity's Cutie Mark on them, and a clean pair of black shoes, also with Rarity's Cutie Mark, Spike and I each sat in separate chairs. We were near one of the bookshelves that lines the walls but facing away from it, with about a foot separating us. I held an ice pack to the back of my head and so I could use the ice pack for my bump, I didn't have my hat on, and Spike and I were still talking about my pathetic attempt of asking out Diane.

"Wow, Eric. You weren't kidding when you said you're bad at asking out girls."

"You see?! I didn't even get the chance to 'be myself' and now Diane thinks I'm a clumsy idiot!"

"No, she doesn't. You didn't look that...bad, and you just need some help."

"More like I need a lot of help, and who could I ask? Twilight always tell me that I can go to her for help on anything, but I doubt she can help with this problem."

Seemingly on cue, one of the green double-doors to the library opened. Spike and I turned our heads to the door and we saw Twilight trotting in, humming to herself, and levitating a book beside her in pink magic. "Hey, guys. Did you two enjoy your--" Twilight saw me with an ice pack on, gasped, dropped her book and ran up to me. "Buggie?! Are you all right?! What happened?!"

"Yeah, I'm all right, Twi. At least physically I'll be."

"What do you mean?"

Still holding my ice pack, I tilted my head towards my shoes, and responded, "Well...I don't know if I should say it. You might laugh at me."

That forced Twilight into "big sister" mode, and she grabbed the ice pack I held with her magic to hold it for me, as she walked up to the side of the chair I sat on. With a comforting smile on her face and after wrapping a wing around me, in a gentle voice, Twi assured, "Eric, it's me, big sis Twilight, remember? You can tell me anything, and I would never laugh at you when you're upset."

Hearing Twilight call me by my real name really got my attention, because she doesn't use it much since she and Starlight started calling me "Buggie", the nickname they gave me. I lifted my head to her with "puppy-dog eyes" which I only do if I'm really embarrassed to say something, even to her. "You promise you won't laugh at me, big sis?"

Twilight smiled wider, nodded her head, and the grip of her wing tightened. "I promise. I won't laugh at you, little bro."

I felt more at ease, so I started to confess, "Okay. Earlier, when Spike and I were out, we met a mare named Diane Heart and I...uh..."

"Well, what about this 'Diane Heart'? Wait, you're blushing. Do...do you have a crush on her?"

"Yeaaah, I do, and when I--"

Twilight gasped, grinned big-time, lifted her wing off me and, to my surprise, hopped in circles around the chairs Spike and I were on! "Wow! Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow! You have your first crush in Equestria! I wasn't sure if you'll ever get any crushes because you always say it's weird for you to look at mares like that, but here you are with a crush! Oh, wow, this is so exciting! Oh yeah, I need to get you something so stay right there!"

"Wait, what are you--"

Before I got any further, Twilight stopped her hopping and flew all over the library from one bookshelf after another muttering, "Okay, where are they? Here? No, maybe they're here? Ugh, no, not there either. C'mon, think, Twilight, where did you put them?!"

Even though our eyes were spinning a little from watching Twilight hop around us, Spike and I still kept our eyes on her with our mouths wide-open, wondering what the buck was she looking for! And almost wondered who the buck was this pony, and what did she do to the real Twilight Sparkle.

After ten seconds of searching, Twilight exclaimed, "Oh, there they are!" and levitated with her magic ten books off a shelf high on one of the bookshelves.

After I shook my head to re-focus, because I did not expect Twilight to react like that, I asked, "Twi? What are those books for?"

"Oh, these? I had these books ready in case you ever got a crush in Equestria and might want my help."

"Wait, you thought Eric might get a crush?"

"Well, I wasn't sure if he would, Spike, but you know how I love being prepared."

"Don't know why I'm surprised" is what I would've said here, except I do know why! I never thought Twilight would plan for this!

Shoving each book near my face as she talked about it, Twilight explained, "Okay, this book talks about how you ask out a mare, this book is about how to prepare to ask us out, this book is about the best dating spots, and this book--"

"Whoa, whoa, slow down, Twi! I can't keep up!"

"Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm just so excited for you!" Twi stopped grinning and frowned, while sitting down the books she had in her magic. "Wait, why were you worried I would laugh because you have a crush?"

"Well, it wasn't the part about the 'crush', but it was, uh..."

Spike knew I would struggle to say it, so in my place he answered, "Eric tried to ask out Diane but tripped on a rock, knocked over a table, buried himself in juice and cupcakes, and a pigeon flew over and...dropped something on him."

"Yeah, what Spike said."

For three seconds, Twilight just stared at me, before her mouth quivered. She tilted her face down and away from me while covering her mouth with a hoof. "Oh, well, it's *cough* absurd that I w-would find that funny." Twilight coughed again before she quickly said, "But, uh, there's another book I need to find but I'll be back." Twilight flew out of the room with her mouth still covered.

"Weird. What was that about, Eric? And where she go?''

"I think I know where she went, and why. Follow me."

I hopped over the books Twilight left on the floor in front of me, and Spike and I left the library. With him behind me, we walked down the hallways of the castle, passing by a bunch of closed light-green double-doors to both our lefts and rights. As we approached Twilight's closed bedroom door, which is a green double-door, we heard hysterical laughter coming from the other side and it echoed throughout the hallways. Gee, I wonder who it was?

"Look at it this way, Eric: at least Twilight kept her promise to not laugh at you."

"Yeah, Spike, I'll give her that at least." I sighed and knocked on Twilight's door. "Hey, Princess of Laugher, when you're done, could you come to my room and bring those books with you?"

"Ha ha ha! I will, and I'm sorry, Buggie! Ha ha ha!"

Heh, if it were the other way around, I might be the one in their room laughing and I've rubbed off on big sis Twilight too, so I wasn't (too) mad at her. Besides, I knew she'd never want to truly hurt my feelings or make me feel bad, and at least she flew out of the room before laughing her heart out.

Two minutes later, Twilight, levitating the ten books from earlier, slunk through the open doorway to my room. Her face was slightly tilted down, her ears were drooped, and she had both a frown and big sad eyes that screamed two words. I was lying on my back on my bed on the other side of the room, near a window I had open with sunlight shining in behind me, and I turned my head to Twi. "It's about time you finished laughing."

"I know, and I am so sorry."

"Well, it's okay, and I guess it was hilarious, just not for me. And you can make up for it by helping me not embarrass myself in front of Diane again. Are those the books you were talking about?"

"Of course I'll help, and yes, these are the books." Twilight walked across the room to my bed, levitated one of the books in front of me and opened it with her magic, but she held on to it. "Now, as I was saying, this book is..."

With the help of her books, Twilight cooked up a plan for me to ask out Diane without it ending in another embarrassing bust. Man, I never thought I would have to get romantic advice from Princess Twilight Sparkle! If anything, I thought I'd have to give her tips, if she ever saw Flash Sentry again...who would get a solid left hook from yours truly if he didn't be good to my big sister!

Oh, and two hours later, as Twilight finished her plan, Spike peeked in the doorway and asked Twi if he could "borrow" the books she showed me. After stuttering for a few seconds, Twi picked up the books with her magic and flew out my bedroom window, while creating a gust of wind that almost blew down one of the pictures I have on the walls; one was of Twilight and me, with her foreleg around me and my arm around her. Oh man, did that Alicorn fly away fast! I guess she couldn't bear to tell Spike it's not happening with Rarity.

The next day, by a bush twenty feet away from the white doors of a red-painted restaurant, with ponies walking in and out its doors, the Princess of Matchmaking and I spotted Diane standing outside its doors. She was holding a cup of tea in her hooves, and we knew it was tea because it said "tea" on the cup. With the smell of cinnamon from one of the dishes of the restaurant filling my nose, I prepared for attempt number two of asking out Diane. I wore a red corsage on my white shirt to look better, which one of Twilight's books suggested doing, and Twi had all ten stacked on top of each other beside us, so she'll be able to help if I start blowing it. However, even with big sis Twilight with me, I felt my heart beating harder and faster, and felt some drops of sweat run down my forehead.

"All right, Buggie, is that Diane?"

"Yeah, that's her." I crept backward by a few steps. "And *gulp* maybe we should give up, Twi, because I'm already nervous."

With a smile, Twilight placed a comforting hoof on my shoulder, to both stop my creeping and calm me down. "I know you're nervous, but this time I'm here, so you'll be all right. Remember, the spell I'll cast will let us talk telepathically for five minutes and I'll watch from here. So, if you get stuck, let me know, and I'll talk you through it."

I took a deep breath. "O-okay, thanks. I'm going in."

Twilight took her hoof off my shoulder, her horn glowed, and out floated a pink ball of magic from its tip, which was about half the size of Twilight's eyes. It split into two smaller equal-sized balls and one painlessly passed into my head and the other into Twilight's. After we checked that the spell worked by saying something telepathically, Twi told me good luck and jumped behind the bush with her books to watch me (try) to work my magic, without herself being seen by Diane. I wiped my forehead and walked to my crush, with butterflies filling my stomach and my heart pumping even faster than before.

Diane smiled and asked, "Hi, Eric. Are you all right from yesterday?"

"Uh...yes, yes I am, Daisy, uh..." I stuttered, and here we go again!

Luckily, Twilight stepped in and telepathically reminded, Diane.

"D-Diane! Yeah, I'm all right, Diane," I put on a nervous grin.

Say 'thanks for asking'.

"Thanks for asking," I blurted out. I was in worse shape than I thought to forget to say that. That's common courtesy!

"Oh, it's quite all right. Is there something you want to ask me?"

"Uh, yes! Yes, there is! Uh, y-you see, I..."

First, give her a compliment. Uh, say her mane looks nice.

"Y-your mane looks nice."

"Oh, thank you, Eric! I just cleaned it, and your hat is nice too, it's wonderfully made."

"Oh, uh...t-thanks. A friend of mine made it, and..." I stopped talking to try to remember the best ways to ask out Diane that Twilight and I talked about, but looking into those big, green eyes of Diane's made me forget!

Diane frowned at me seemingly frozen in place and asked, "Is there something wrong, Eric, because you're sweating again?"

"Oh, w-well, it's just that I w-wanted to..." Twi, I forgot the best ways to ask out a mare! Help!

Uh, give me a second. I'm looking through the book about asking out a mare.

Well, hurry up! Diane's looking more and more confused!

Okay, here's one. Ask her if she'd like to get some tea.

"Uh, would you like to get some tea?"

"Tea? We could, but I'm holding some here."

And what's worse, both Twilight and I saw it, but we still forgot! I facepalmed, and never in my life was my face so red! "Oh, y-yeah, you are. Uh, w-well in that c-case..." It's bad enough I'm so nervous I forgot she had it, but how could you forget, Twilight?! You always pay attention to details!

I'm sorry! I was so busy looking at the book I forgot. Just hang on, I'll find something else for you to say.

"Uh...Eric, are you sure you're okay, because I could--"

I wiped my head to get some sweat off it. "Oh, yeah, I am, I-I just--"

As I was talking, to calm myself down, I tried to walk to a chair that was outside to sit down. But, partly because I was distracted from talking telepathically with Twilight, I tripped on another rock on the ground, fell into a trash can that was in front of me and it rolled with me in it!

Screaming, I rolled in front of the door of the restaurant, but before I could do anything, a big muscle-bound white Pegasus with tiny wings that yelled, "Yeah!" for some reason busted through the door. He knocked my trash can and me in the direction I came from, bouncing, and towards the bush Twilight hid behind. After the trash can stopped and my eyes stopped spinning, I crawled out of it, shook some paper and a banana peel off my head, and had a piece of cake with blue-colored icing stuck to my shirt.

But when I looked at where Diane stood before my "show" she was gone; maybe to find a doctor. Because of where I landed, I could see Twilight, who was levitating all ten books, flipping the pages of them with lightly gritted teeth. I guess Twi focused so hard to find something in the books to help me, she didn't notice me rolling in the trash can, or even hear me screaming. And the moaning I heard from her, which she only does when she's desperately searching for something, further proved it.

Forgetting I could still talk to Twilight telepathically, out loud, I said, "Hey, Twi? I doubt anything in those books got an answer about what to say if you fall and roll into a trash can, and Diane's gone anyway. And before you ask: I'm all right, other than feeling embarrassed again."

Twilight sat down all the books she was levitating, used her magic to pick me up and back on my feet, got the cake off my clothes with said magic, and levitated my hat back on my head that flew off halfway doing my "trip". Then her horn glowed again and those two pink balls came out of our heads and vanished. "She's gone, huh? Well, at least you're not hurt, and later we could take another look through the books and--"

"I don't know. Maybe we should give up trying this way, because I don't know if even those books can help me."

"Oh. Well, let me know if you want to try it again."

"I will, Twi, and thanks for trying."

Later, in front of the yellow double-doors to Twilight's castle, I told Rainbow dash, who came to ask Twilight if she could read some of her new Daring Do books, about my two failed attempts at asking out Diane. I should've thought twice about telling her. After hearing it, she fell on the ground on her back and laughed her head off, and I almost wondered why we're friends.

"Ha ha! Wow! I can get that you're nervous, Eric, but that...ha ha ha!"

"Yeah, yeah, laugh it up. At least one of us can have a good time about me making a fool of myself twice."

After another five seconds, Rainbow cooled it with her laughing, stood up and wiped her eyes. "Okay, okay, I'm sorry, and I'm done. But you really like this 'Diane Heart' huh, Eric?"

"Oh, yeah, a lot! Diane's mane was...and her smile, her green eyes...and--"

Not one for "mushy" stuff, Rainbow rolled her eyes. "Okay, I get it, you really like her. In that case, to make up for laughing at you, I'll help you out."

"You sure you can, because I told you how big a fool I made of myself, and I just couldn't think straight in front of Diane."

Rainbow flew beside me and, while keeping herself airborne by flapping her wings, wrapped a hoof around my upper back. "Yep, I can help, but first I'm gonna tell you the two biggest things you did wrong."

"Okay, what are they?"

"First, you didn't come to me. And second -- and I need you to follow me on this, Eric -- you had Twilight give you romantic tips. Even with books on dating, that egghead would trip on her own hooves if she tried to ask out somepony she liked, and you talking to her, uh telepat-whatever, further distracted you. In fact, you tripping probably meant you spent too much time with Twilight, and with how well you two get along, maybe you should ask her out!"

As much as it's every guy's dream to land a princess, even if Twilight's a pony princess, I responded, "How about 'no' on that last one? Twilight's cute, but asking out a pony that's like my big sister would feel weird as buck, and even if I did, she'd think I'm joking and laugh. But how are you gonna help me?"

"All right, first things first: we gotta get some attitude in you."

"Attitude?"

"Yep, attitude. If we do, you won't keep stuttering when you talk to Diane, which was the fourth biggest thing you did wrong."

"Wait, what was the 'third' biggest thing?"

"You tripping on rocks."

"Oh, I guess that makes sense. So how can I get 'attitude'?"

"It's a frame of mind, Eric. Imagine that you're the biggest, baddest, coolest dude ever and keep thinking it, and you won't feel nervous. Plus, mares love a guy with attitude, so when you're done sweeping Diane off her hooves, she won't be able to take her hooves off you!"

That sure put a smile on my face! "Ooh, I like the sound of that! You really think I can pull it off?"

Rainbow patted me on the back with the hoof she still had on my back and took it off. "Come on, would I lie to you, Eric?"

"Uh..."

"You know what I mean."

Rainbow Dash would help me with my "attitude", and the next day, she thought I was ready to "sweep Diane off her hooves" as she put it.

In the middle of a park, with us standing in front of a quietly running water fountain, Rainbow and I spotted Diane sitting on a bench. She faced away from the fountain, about twenty feet away from us, and I guessed she was enjoying the light cool breeze blowing and the sunshine. Rainbow suggested to wear sunglasses to up the "coolness" factor.

"Okay, from what you said, that's Diane, right?"

"Yeah, and *gulp* I'm alrea--"

Rainbow wasn't going to let me pull a pre-assertive Fluttershy, and she covered my mouth with a hoof. "Oh, no you don't, Eric. I told you, just think you're the biggest, baddest, coolest dude ever, and you'll be fine. I know you can do it!"

I couldn't talk, so I nodded, and when Rainbow moved her hoof off my mouth, I took a deep breath. "Okay, I'll do it. I'm the biggest baddest coolest dude ever, I'm the biggest baddest coolest dude ever..."

"That's good. Now get in there and sweep her off her hooves, biggest, baddest, coolest dude ever!"

With Rainbow staying where she was -- unlike Twilight, she didn't think she'd need to hide - I pumped up my chest a bit, and strutted over to the bench Diane sat on. Rainbow's advice was actually helping, and my heart only raced slightly faster this time.

"Oh, hi again, Eric. You look better today, so are you feeling all right?"

In a slightly deeper voice than normal, I replied, "Oh, yep, I'm okay. I was just tired yesterday from working out. In fact, what do you think of these muscles on my arms?" I pointed at my biceps on my left arm, and it was, at best, average-size biceps.

"Umm, they're nice?"

"Ha, 'nice'? These babies could stop a full-grown Dragon! Maybe I'll show you sometime." I kissed the biceps on my arm, trying to look "cool".

Oh, boy, if they could've seen this, Twilight, Starlight, and Spike would have facehoofed/facepalmed so hard you might be able to hear it, and even Tirek would've shaken his head! Rainbow seemed to approve, though, because she didn't try to step in and at least I wasn't sweating this time.

"Uh, that's okay."

"Well, maybe I could show what these muscles can do by building some stuff you need? I'm as strong as a full-grown Earth Pony."

Diane's eyes lit up and she smiled. "You could do that? If you can, I'll love the help because I did need a strong pony to help me build a new room for my house."

"Yeah, I can--" My eyes got big and I froze when I fully realized what I was saying and...oh, buck! I was so busy in the mindset of the 'biggest, baddest, coolest dude' ever, I forgot that I can't actually do the stuff I was bragging about! Worse, forget full-grown Earth Ponies, I'm weaker than Earth Pony fillies, like Apple Bloom! Sometimes I feel really weak in Equestria, with how most Equestrian ponies are naturally stronger and more durable than me.

"In fact, if you're free, and you really don't mind, I could show you what I was talking about."

And now the heartbeats kicked into overdrive, sweat ran down my face again, and I was close to pulling a Twilight and start hyperventilating! I spun my head back and forth, trying to think of a way out of this, before looking to my wrist at the watch I wore. "Oh, uh, look at the time! I'm sorry, Diane, but I gotta...do something. I'll see you later!"

"Okay--"

I ran out of there, and at least I didn't trip on a rock this time. After I got about twenty feet away, Rainbow flew in front of me. "Uh, Eric? What was that about? You had her!"

"No, I didn't! I can't do any of that stuff I was bragging about!"

"What?! I know you can't stop a Dragon, but why did you say you could do the other stuff if you can't do it?! I didn't tell you to do that!"

"Ugh, I knoooow! But I was so busy thinking I'm the 'biggest, baddest, coolest dude' ever, I got carried away!"

"No kidding, and I guess we should've practiced that frame of mind some more. But we could still go back to my place and--"

I sighed and shook my head. "I don't know, Rainbow. Even if we did, I still might put my foot in my mouth, and what I was doing isn't me anyway."

"Well, what are you gonna do now?"

"I don't know, but I know what I'm not going to do: ask out Diane again! But thanks anyway, Rainbow."

"All right. Sorry it didn't work."

That's now three epic failures, and while I was planning on giving up, my other friends would tell me about ideas of their own. Maybe one of them would work?

But as I walked out of the park and back into the busy streets of Ponyville, thanks to what Rainbow said the day before, there was something I couldn't get out of my mind, and it wasn't about the three embarrassing busts.

It was about how I actually got romantic advice from Twilight. Twilight Sparkle! You know who that pony is, right?

Author's Note

I also can't believe Twilight gave Eric romantic advice, and I wrote this story! Can any of you believe she had it in her?

What kind of advice will Eric's other friends try to give him? Will any of their advice(?) even work?

Chapter 2: Applejack's and Fluttershy's Advice

Well, I've had some embarrassing moments in my day, but the three I suffered during the previous two days took the cake!

I tried to ask out a Pegasus named Diane Heart, who was the first mare I've ever developed a crush on. But my nerves got the best of me, making me embarrass myself! Spike, Rainbow, and even Twilight (Yes, the Alicorn Princess Twilight Sparkle!) did their best to help me. Spike told me to "be myself", Twilight looked up books on dating that she shockingly had ready in case I'd need them, and Rainbow tried to put some "attitude" in me. But not one of those three worked, so I gave up.

I thought Applejack wouldn't laugh about my epic failures of asking out Diane, and I wanted to pick up some apples, so I headed to her farm, Sweet Apple Acres.

Standing in front of the open doors of the barn in Sweet Apple Acres I told Applejack about my screw-ups with Diane. She was walking through her pigs' den with the pigs running around her as she walked, filled up her pig feeders, and while the pigs' "oinking" used to get my nerves, it's grown on me now. As well as the sounds of the other animals did, such as the chirping of chickens in their chicken dens or the bleating of the sheep.

Ha, every time Applejack's in that den, I think about the FIM episode when she made things much harder on herself at the farm. At some point maybe I'll finally get Twilight to perform the "chicken dance" for me, and watch how silly she'll look!

Anyway, as I thought, Applejack didn't find my screw-ups on asking out Diane funny.

"...And that's what happened."

"Wow, Eric, that sounds messier than a pie made from rotten apples."

"Yep, I'm a mess when it comes to asking out a crush, human or pony."

"Well, sorry that happened, but for help on somethin' like this, ya got advice from the wrong ponies."

"Huh?"

Applejack walked out of the pen, closed the door to it behind her, and walked to me. "Okay, just hear me out. First, Spike was onto somethin' but yer got too nervous to 'be yourself' and hope that would be enough to keep calm. Rainbow Dash thinks coolness and ego would fix everythin', and askin' Twilight to help..." Applejack rested a hoof on my shoulder with a frown. "Oh, sugarcube. I know we're not as close compared to how close yer with Twilight, but if yer that desperate, why didn't ya just come to me?"

"Well, I didn't ask Twilight for help, but she offered to do it, and I figured you would've told me the same thing Spike did."

"Usually, I would've, but that alone won't be enough by ya bein' so nervous, so let me think of somethin'." Applejack took her hoof off me to place it on her cheek, and tilted her head up. After five seconds, she lowered it back to me with a smile. "Okay. I got it."

"Got what?"

"From I heard said, this 'Diane Heart' might like ya, so what ya need to do is ask her 'do ya want to go out on a date with me?'"

I let out a big sigh and responded, "Uh, Applejack? No offense, but what do you think I tried to do?!"

"No, Eric, I mean just say it like that because by tryin' to find the right words, ya kept stutterin' and messed yourself up. But if ya just say what I said and don't try to word it in some fancy way, it'll be a lot easier."

I placed a hand under my chin and turned my head down for a second. "Oh. I get it. I just plan to say 'do you want to go on a date with me?' and if I do I won't stutter again?"

Applejack nodded her head. "Yep, and the simple ways are the best ways in my book." In a more concerned voice Applejack suggested, "But, before we do anythin', I want to ask if ya want to hang out here at the farm a little more?"

"Hmm, yeah, I'll like that, but what made you ask now?"

Applejack sighed and again placed a hoof on my shoulder. "I hoped I wouldn't have to say it, but I hate lyin'. I asked because with how you hyperventilated last week over 'losin' one of Twilight's favorite books, just to find out she took it back without ya seein' it, and now tripping when tryin' to ask out Diane twice, I think you and Twi spent too much time together."

I huffed and rolled my eyes. "Oh, come on, Applejack. Sure, we really like to talk and read together, and I've picked up some of Twilight's traits and habits, but you're talking like she's making me into a male Twilight. You really think I've spent too much time with her?"

From behind me, a deep voice answered, "Eeyup!"

With Applejack's hoof still on me, I spun my head to where the voice from, and a certain big red stallion was sticking his head out of the barn chucking. I groaned and protested, "Oh, ha, ha, very funny, Big Mac! But I haven't spent that much time with Twi!"

Applejack sighed and took her hoof off me. "Whatever you say. Anyway, now that I'm done feedin' the pigs, I'm finished with all my chores for now, so ya want to try askin' out Diane again, and I'll come along for moral support?"

"Yeah, I'll give it another shot, and thanks, Applejack."

Forgetting the main reason I came to her farm wasn't just to visit her, but to get some apples, Applejack and I left Sweet Apple Acres to track down Diane again. Fourth time's the charm...maybe.

Back in the park when my last bust happened, twenty feet away, we spotted Diane smiling and once again sitting on the bench where she was on before. I guess she really enjoys soaking in the sunshine, and I was preparing to try again with Applejack's plan.

"Okay, Eric. If I'm right, that mare's Diane, right?"

"Yeah, that's Diane. And you hate lying, so I'll just...*gulp*...say that I'm feeling nervous."

"I guess I can understand. But all ya have to do is just ask 'Diane, do ya want to go on a date with me?' Got it?"

"Yeah, I think I got it. Focus on saying that and only that, right?"

"Yep. Don't think about that other small stuff and ya won't stutter this time."

"Okay. I'm going in."

"Good luck."

Applejack gave me a pat on the back that made me grunt and stumble forward, and after I regained my balance I walked to Diane once again while thinking to myself about what Applejack said to do.

Diane saw and smiled at me. "Oh, hi again, Eric. I guess you like being in the park too? Are you finished with what you had to do?"

Once again, my mind raced and I felt the beating of my faster-beating heart, and I was worried I'd mess up so it took some willpower to force myself to not bail. Still thinking about Applejack's advice I blurted out, "Do you like with me?"

"Huh?"

Uh-oh. That came out wrong, and I shook my head to try and re-focus. "Uh, I-I mean, do you go to me?" I couldn't resist groaning and I facepalmed hard.

"Come again?"

Maybe Applejack and I should've practiced this. As I looked at Diane's face and her big green eyes, memories of my last epic failures flooded my head and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't resist feeling more and more nervous. My face turned red and I became tongue-tied, so nothing came out of my mouth. I felt my pounding heart beat even faster, and I couldn't recover! What did I do to deserve this embarrassment?! Did I tell one too many jokes?

"Eric? You're sweating again. What's the matter?"

Hoping to clear my head, I crept back to calm myself down, wiped my head, and tried to work on remembering everything I was supposed to say. But, fate wanted me to suffer some more. For the third time, I tripped on a rock, fell and rolled down a hill screaming with my hat flying off my head off half-way, and rolled face-down into some mud which felt so fitting! You'd think by now, I would remember to watch out for rocks.

For what felt like the millionth time, Diane asked, "Eric? Are you all right?!"

I heard Applejack tell Diane something; I guess to get rid of her, but I couldn't make out what she said. After that, Applejack sped to me as I was stumbling out of the mud and completely covered in it. I tried to stand, but once I got to my feet, I slipped and fell on my butt, and Applejack placed a hoof around my back.

"Whoa, easy there, Eric. Yer all right?"

"...*cough*...not really. I did it again!"

"You weren't kidding about bein' a mess about datin'."

"And that would be an understatement! And where's Diane?" Still sitting down from when I slipped before, I lifted my head to where Diane was, but I couldn't see her anywhere. I let out a groan that could've been heard through the whole park, and punched the ground with my left fist which the mud I dragged with me softened the force of. "I don't know why I tried again, Applejack, because I just can't do it! What's wrong with me?!"

"Aw, come on, sugarcube, don't beat yourself up like that. We could go back to the farm and I can--"

I gave a deep sigh like I did the last times I was in this spot with the others. "Thanks, but no thanks, Applejack. Maybe I'll try again later, but for now, I gotta go think for a while."

"Oh, all right. But come find me if you want to give it another shot, okay, Eric?"

"I will."

After four failures I needed some extra-kindness, so I decided to visit Fluttershy, but I first headed back to the castle to wash the mud off me after I got my hat back on. Twilight wasn't at the castle to possibly have another laugh, though I doubted my big sis would do it again; not even about the part when my name might have been "Eric Mud Reed". Spike almost laughed but held it in, and Starlight was off again with you-know-who, so she wasn't around to have a possible laugh.

In Fluttershy's cottage, sitting in a wooden chair painted green with sunlight shining near but not on it, I sat by a two-feet-tall table drinking some tea Fluttershy offered me. Miss Element of Kindness herself was in a similar chair on the other side of the table. Besides the one I was using and the empty cup on the side of the table by Fluttershy, there was another empty light-purple teacup in the middle of the table, with five square carrot-ginger sandwiches on a silver plate with the crust cut off them. Ha, I guess Discord was there not long ago. Fluttershy has a comforting presence about her and the quiet chirping of her birds further helped, so I didn't hesitate to tell her about my epic failures.

"Oh, dear. I'm sorry you went through that, Eric. Are you feeling better now?"

After another sip, I placed the half-full cup down on a light-purple cup holder, the same color of the cup. "Yeah, I am, Fluttershy, but I don't get it! The advice I've gotten from the others is great, but I keep messing up, and I feel like an idiot!"

Fluttershy frowned and gave me a stern look. "Didn't you say that Twilight didn't like you calling yourself an 'idiot' and you promised her you wouldn't do it?"

"I guess you felt the same way as her, but I said I felt like an idiot, not that I am one. But if you saw me in action, you'll understand why I feel this way. It was horrible!"

"Well, I didn't see it, but trust me when I tell you that you're not an idiot, Eric. After all, feeling nervous doesn't make you or anyone an idiot." With the smile Fluttershy formed on her face, it's hard not to believe anything she says.

"Thanks, and I'm sorry. But still, what's wrong with me?"

"Hmm." Fluttershy placed a hoof on her cheek, looked down, then a couple of seconds later lifted her face to me with a smile. "I think I have an idea if you'll like to hear it."

I almost said "no thanks" but I thought about how Fluttershy struggled with nervousness. Thus if she has an idea about how to deal with it, you listen to what the pony has to say. "Why not? I'm listening."

"Well, Spike told you to be yourself, Twilight tried to talk you through it with help from her books, Rainbow told you to 'be cool' and Applejack told you to focus on saying the words to ask Diane out, correct? But none of their advice was on simply staying calm."

"But wasn't Rainbow's advice supposed to help with that?"

Fluttershy shook her head. "Being in that mindset might've helped you remain calm, but you weren't you so once you made a mistake and you lost that mindset, you got nervous. But my advice will just help you remain calm and not make you act a certain way. And as I'm sure you know, I know how it feels to be really nervous."

"Yeah, I remember. But how will you help me stay calm?"

"Okay, you have said having my birds by you is calming, so you could take one with you, and I can come if you think me being there can relax you more. Plus, Diane might think it's cute, and it could make her like you even more."

Yep, that put a smile on my face! "Oh, yeah, that could work! Thanks a lot, Fluttershy!"

"It's no problem at all, Eric. Oh, and, uh, would you like for us to have our own tea parties sometimes? And don't worry about Discord getting jealous."

"Sure! If you wanted us to have them, you should've asked sooner, but what made you ask now?"

Fluttershy bit her lip and turned away for a couple of seconds, then confessed, "Well...I asked because while it's great how close you and Twilight are, and she deeply cares about you, but I think you've spent too much time with her. But you know I care about you too, and that you can always come to me for help, right?"

Yep, now Fluttershy's joined the "I spent too much time with Twilight" club! But, I did feel better thinking about Fluttershy's advice so I didn't mind it. "I know, and I care about you too and thanks. But in case you thought I went to Twilight because I was desperate, I didn't go to her, but she helped me on her own."

"Oh, thank goodness -- er I mean, would you like some more tea?"

"Uh...yeah. I'll like that."

Well, that happened, and after I got done with the tea, Fluttershy and I left her cottage to search for Diane with one of Fluttershy's birds, a red one, flying behind her. As we went, I thought about what Rainbow, Applejack, and Fluttershy said about Twilight and me, and wondered if I did spend too much time with her.

With Fluttershy's bird now perched on my shoulder, around twenty-feet away (again) Fluttershy and I found Diane standing near the dark-blue doors to Carousel Boutique, both Rarity's home and where she makes her dresses and stuff. Rarity herself was nowhere in sight, but through one of its glass windows, I saw two mares (I think) a blue and a purple Earth Pony in the shop, taking closer looks at what looked like a dress on a rack near the window. Of course, the mare I was looking for wasn't one of them.

"Okay, Eric, that's Diane, right?"

"Yep, that's her."

"Is my bird helping you?"

"I think it is, but I'm still a bit nervous."

Probably because of personal experience, Fluttershy used a different approach than what the others did. In an even kinder voice than usual she said, "You know, if you want to go back, we can. I'll never force you to do something you're not sure you can do."

Whether Fluttershy meant for this to happen, or if she just wanted to be a good friend and it happened by luck, it calmed me down, and it made me not want to bail. "Compared to the last times, I'm not too nervous, so I think I'll be all right."

"Oh, I'm happy to hear that. In that case, go get her, Eric!"

Fluttershy stayed put and I strode to Diane feeling even calmer, so I felt almost fully calm. I guess the bird on my shoulder helped more than I thought it would, and it truly felt I would land Diane! Yet, I couldn't shake a feeling that I was being watched.

"Oh, hi again, Eric. Is that bird yours?"

"No, it's a friend's, and I was, uh, taking it for a walk."

"Wow, it's lovely." Diane walked to me and took a better look at the bird on my shoulder, and rubbed its head. "Whoever your friend is must be great at caring for animals."

"Yep, she is, and in fact 'great' would be an understatement." I felt so at ease now, I almost forgot why I came. "But, uh, there was something I wanted to ask, Diane."

"Oh? What is it?"

"Well, I--"

A white cat leaped out from what felt like nowhere, and the bird on my shoulder screeched and flapped its wings like crazy, but it stayed on my shoulder. But as I watched the cat staring at me -- or the bird on my shoulder -- in front of me, Diane gasped, and something else jumped on my back with something sharp digging into the upper part of my back, making me yelp, and I fell face-down.

I growled and lifted my head and a gray cat, along with the white one, were screeching and jumping in the air with the bird flying in circles at about two feet in the air. After two seconds, the bird flew to Diane, and both cats jumped on her trying to get to it, and knocked the poor cute Pegasus down!

I jumped up and ran towards Diane, but after only four steps that bird flew on my shoulder again, and the gray cat jumped on me again to get it, but missed. The bird that is, but since that cat didn't miss me, it made me lose my balance and I fell on my butt again! But at least its claws didn't scratch me this time.

Fluttershy finally trotted in, picked up the bird with her hooves, and scolded the cats. As she did her thing, I again sprung to my feet and ran over to Diane, who got to her hooves but was shaking her head. But after the cat attack, my nerves returned in full force, complete with the sweating, fast-beating heart pumping in my chest, and the stuttering.

"Are y-you okay, D-Diane?"

Diane had some dirt on her coat and her mane was a bit muffled, but otherwise looked unharmed. However, she was frowning and quickly answered, "Sorry, but I-I gotta go. I'll see you later, Eric."

This time, Diane ran off, well flew off, leaving me with not only my head down, but with my teeth and fists clenched. I didn't even mess up this time! I barely even paid attention to the little burning on my back from the scratch marks the claws from one of the cats did.

Now done scolding the cats, Fluttershy sped to me. "Are you okay, Eric?"

Still with my head down, I shook my head. "I...I don't know. Buck! Am I cursed or something?! And now my back is stinging thanks to that cat!"

Fluttershy walked behind me to check the three small scratch marks, just below the back of my neck, and after seeing it wasn't anything serious and was barely even bleeding, she came around to stand beside me and rubbed the mid-part of my back with her wing. That, along with her big, sympathetic eyes and the calming presence she has made me feel better. "I know, Eric, and you did very well. That was just bad luck, but you're not 'cursed', and we could try again later with a different animal if you want."

I shook my head again. "After what happened, Diane might not feel comfortable if I walk up with another animal and I only felt calmer with your birds, so this animal idea might not work again."

"Oh. Well, if you think of something else and want my help, my door's always open, and I'm really sorry I couldn't be more help."

"It's okay. At least your advice had me calmer than the others' did."

Buck! I had no idea what I did, but it felt like something didn't want me to land Diane! I was not in a happy mood, and I wondered about quitting for good.

However, I have more friends, so more was in store for me...

Author's Note

Ouch. Things aren't going well for Eric, is it guys? But don't worry, his good friend Pinkie Pie here will help him in the next chapter!

And don't tell the writer of this story I'm here, okay? He will be a reaaaal meanie-pants to me if he knew I broke the fourth wall to write in his author's notes! Pleaseeeeeee?

-Pinkie Pie

And no Eric hasn't spent too much time with me! I know he has some of my habits that he didn't have before we met, but that doesn't mean we should spend less time together! The idea of it is absurd! I should tell him later to never think that he could ever spend too much time with his big sis.

Sorry to whoever's writing this story. I hate breaking the fourth wall with my magic, but I just needed to say that.

-Princess Twilight Sparkle

Chapter 3: Rarity's and Pinkie Pie's Advice

Well, it was shaping up to be one of those days. No, one of those weeks.

No matter what advice I received, I just couldn't ask out my new pony crush, Diane Heart without blowing it! After Spike's, Twilight's, Rainbow's, Applejack's, and Fluttershy's advice all failed, I had no idea what to do.

Passing by a string of red, blue, yellow, and white houses, with my head tilted down and fists clenched, I was on my way to Twilight's castle -- there was some moping for me to do in my room -- when a voice called from behind.

"Hello, Eric, is something wrong?"

Unclenching my fists, I spun around to see Rarity running to me, with a frown on her face. I attempted to force a smile, but couldn't. "Oh, hey, Rarity. And yeah, I'm not having a good day."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. Would you care to talk about it? You might feel better, and maybe I can help."

"I...I don't know."

"Oh, rubbish, darling. I'm sure you talking to me would help you more than moping somewhere. Please, talk to me, I insist."

I already mentioned that when a mare insists on something, don't resist. Besides, even if Rarity would never want to force me to talk about something, she'd probably worry unless I fessed up. Thus I told her about my screw-ups.

"I see. It is no wonder you are so sad, and I'm sorry that happened to you."

"Thanks, Rarity, but I just don't get it! It's absurd I'm having so much bad luck!"

"You know, maybe you went about asking out this 'Diane Heart' all wrong."

"But I thought the others' advice was good, but I just blew it?"

"Well, Spike told you to be yourself, Twilight is Twilight Sparkle, Applejack told you to 'say the words', Rainbow told you to think act the 'biggest, baddest, coolest dude', Fluttershy helped with her bird, which nearly worked, but you told me it wouldn't work again. But everything they told you only focused on you, but nothing about Diane herself. In fact, you should have come to me first."

"So, you have another idea?" I guess deep down I wasn't ready to quit, so I couldn't refuse whatever help Rarity wanted to give me.

"From what you told me, Diane sounds like a mare of class, and, not to brag, but few are classier than Moi. So what if I make a little something a mare like her would like for you to give as a gift?"

"Well, I did think about buying her cupcakes, but it...backfired."

"I know, but this time you will have your gift to her already, and it could make her so happy, she might ask you out. After all, you are cute, darling!" Rarity gave me a wink.

Heh, I might never know if she meant it, but either way, Rarity telling me I'm cute made me blush.

"And your smile is just adorable! So I'll make her something, and when I'm finished, we'll track down Diane."

"How long will it take you?"

"About four days. And how would you like to assist me with my dresses sometimes? I know you are...not great at sewing, but you're a pleasure to have around."

"Sure, Rarity, and we--" This suddenly felt very familiar and I remembered about what the others said. "Wait a second."

"What's wrong?"

"Did you ask that because you think Twilight and I spent too much time together?"

Rarity bit her lip in the same way a certain Pegasus did. "Well...there is nothing wrong with you spending a lot of time with Twilight if you want to. Twilight enjoys it too and loves having someone she's close with to read books with her that's not about Daring Do. But with how you said 'absurd', which is something you never used to say but Twilight does, you might have spent a tad too much time with her."

Since Rarity hated to tell me, and I literally asked for it, I hid (most) of my annoyance. "I've heard. But, I feel better, so I'm not gonna go mope somewhere. Oh, and I didn't ask Twilight for help, but she helped on her own."

Rarity didn't respond in words, but she wiped her forehead. Fifty bits says that, in her head, Rarity thought something like "Oh thank goodness!"

Man, it was like all of Ponyville thought I should spend less time with Twilight! Anyway, even if she wasn't serious, Rarity telling me I'm cute boosted my confidence. She's a real darling herself!

Four days later, back in the park, the location of two of my five busts, Rarity and I spotted Diane on the same bench she was on the other two times. Yep, she definitely loves enjoying the sunshine, and like before, we were about twenty feet from her. Rarity made a white hat covered with blue, green, yellow, purple, and red gems. I think they were some of the "common" gems in the cave where Maud searches in for rare rocks and I remembered how heartbroken poor Rarity looked when she discovered her "rare" gems were actually common gems. But odds are, Diane wouldn't know the hat's gems are common gems. At least that's probably what Rarity hoped for.

"Okay, Eric. Is that Diane?"

"Yep. Not that I'm doubting you, but are you sure she'll like this hat?"

"Of course she will. I can tell that she's a true mare of class, and she'll love this fabulous hat. Just give it to her, ask her out, and she will be happy a sweet, cute darling such as yourself like her."

I blushed again and at this rate, Rarity's gonna make me fall for her! "Well, here goes nothing."

"Good luck, Eric! I'll stay here."

With the usual harder and faster pounding heart and a few drops of sweat, as well as holding the hat in my left hand, I walked to Diane. It wasn't easy to resist thinking about my epic failures from before.

When she spotted me, she turned her head back and forth; probably remembering what happened before. "Oh, u-uh, hi, Eric. There are not any birds or c-cats nearby, is there?"

This time, Diane was the one stuttering. In a borderline shout, I assured, "No, no, no! n-none are around this time! But those cats didn't hurt you, d-did they?"

After breathing a sigh of relief Diane told me, "Whew! I'm glad, and they didn't hurt me and I'm sorry I flew away the other day. I panicked, but it was nothing personal."

I raised the hat still in my hand so Diane could get a better view of it. "T-That's okay, and I w-wanted to g-give you this hat, to apologize about the bird and cats."

Diane formed a big 'ol smile when she saw my gift to her, making me smile too. "Oh, it's beautiful! Is that hat really for me?"

"Y-Yes! You like it?"

"Oh, yes, and thank you, Eric!" Diane gave a bit of a serious frown. "Usually, when somepony gives another something great like this, it means they want something."

"U-Uh, funny you mention that, because--"

"But I've always find that kind of thing shallow. I mean, giving somepony a gift to butter them up and not just because they want to? Isn't that demeaning to you?"

Hearing that, I struggled to resist facepalming. Buck! I figured I couldn't ask her out now. "I-I understand and I-I'm glad you like my gift and s-sorry again about the c-cats and bird. Uh...I'll see you again sometime?"

"Oh, it's okay, and it wasn't your fault, and we probably will see each other because we see each other a lot, don't we?" Diane replied with a cute smile. Unfortunately, I felt too down to think about how cute she looked.

"Y-Yes I guess we do. Uh, bye!"

I sped to Rarity with a not-so-happy frown and let out a frustrated sigh. "Well, Rarity, that backfired. I should've known something would go wrong."

"Dear, I've never seen a mare feel that way about gifts."

"And now I can't make a move because she'll think I gave her your hat to 'butter her up'! Ugh, can't I catch a bucking break?!"

"I'm so sorry, darling. I had no idea she felt that way about gifts, or I would not have suggested giving her anything. Um, I could come up with another idea that might--"

Like the last times, I shook my head. "No, you don't have to, Rarity, because, with my luck, it'll backfire. I'm quitting because I'm done. Plus, I had you waste the last four days on that hat for nothing."

"Oh. Well, sorry again I couldn't help, and if you want to try again, come to me any time. And just so you know, Eric: I would never think of anything as a 'waste of my time' if it's to try to help my friends, so don't feel bad about that, okay?"

"Okay, and thanks."

Rarity assuring me that she didn't think of trying to help me as a "waste of time" allowed me to feel a bit better. But, I still wasn't in a good mood and badly needed some cheering up. Normally, I'd go to either Twilight or Starlight, with them being my Equestrian big sisters, and they told me that I can always go to them if I'm sad. But since I seriously wondered if I spent too much time with Twilight and I had no idea where Starlight was, I headed to Sugarcube Corner and hoped Pinkie Pie's there. Pinkie's not the most tactful pony, but it's hard to stay sad when you're near her. She is the Element of Laugher.

And in case you're wondering, I had paid the Cakes for those ruined cupcakes and Pinkie's not mad, or I would not have searched for Pinkie Pie.

Now in the lobby of Sugarcube Corner, I sat in a brown chair by a table. The smell of the bakery would've made my mouth water again if I wasn't eating a slice of cake, with pink-colored icing, that Pinkie let me eat to cheer me up, which worked some. Mr. and Mrs. Cake stood by the bakery's counter, packing up some cakes and cupcakes in brown packages, and Miss Element of Laugher was hopping beside me, complete with the springing sound effect her hopping does. Because she wouldn't quit pestering me about it, I told her about my six busts. However, she looked confused during most of the story.

"Wow, I can't believe it."

"What, you can't believe how bad my screw-ups been?"

"No, well, yes, but I meant that I couldn't believe how you had Twilight try to help you. Are you sick or something? And Twilight really likes you, so why won't you ask her out?"

This was getting old, and I groaned and facepalmed. "Okay, Pinkie: First, Twilight helped me on her own. Second, other than feeling sick of these epic failures, no I'm not sick. And third, NO! Besides, she doesn't like me like that, but as her little brother. But enough about Twilight and her formerly 'suspect' romantic knowledge; since I told you everything, can we drop it, Pinkie? I came to you to cheer myself up, remember?"

"In that case, let me help some more with a hug!"

Pinkie stopped hopping and spread out her forelegs. I knew that, from personal experience, when she spreads her forelegs as wide as she did, the hug that's coming would hurt. I waved my hands and started, "No, Pinkie! Don't--" but it was too late.

Pinkie leaned and wrapped her forelegs around me, squeezed the breath out of me, while pinning my arms! I struggled to free myself or at least force Pinkie to loosen her grip, but her forelegs felt like a vice-grip! And, as an Earth Pony, she's far stronger than me and my fingers weren't in a position to tickle Pinkie to get free, so I wasn't going anywhere till Pinkie Pie lets me. And as a "bonus" her trademark pink fluffy mane covered my face and tickled my nose, so I sneezed a couple of times while in ~~The Anaconda's~~ Pinkie's grasp.

"Ow, ow, ow! Okay, I'm cheered up, so can you let me go?!"

"Nope, three more seconds!"

Three painful seconds later, Pinkie took her forelegs out me, and I fell on my knees and coughed for five seconds as she giggled. It was the second-tightest hug Pinkie had given me...and let's just say the tightest one was a big hug.

"There! You feel better, Eric?"

Breathing normally again, I stood up, but coughed a few more times. "Well...*cough*...I don't feel as down, but I still do a bit."

"Hmm, that bad, huh?" Pinkie lifted her head in thought. After a second, she bought it back down to me with a big smile and wrapped a foreleg around me. "Okay, I have an idea!"

"What's your idea?"

"I'll help you ask out Diane!"

Aw, buck no! I gasped and threw Pinkie's foreleg off me. "Oh, no, no, no! I'm done with that, Pinkie Pie!"

"But I have a great idea, Eric!"

"I don't care! I'm not risking a seventh bust!"

"Come on, pleasssse?"

Well, when Pinkie Pie's like this, she won't leave you alone unless you do what she wants. Plus, those big blue eyes of hers and how adorable she looked broke me.

After a deep breath, I asked, "All right, Pinkie, you win, so what's your idea?"

"Okay. I'll throw a big party and use it to help you ask out Diane."

"But how will a party help?"

"If Diane's at the party, she'll have so much fun that she'll be in a good mood, and then you'll ask her out."

"But did you forget what I told you? If we try your idea, she'll get mad at me!"

"Well, you're not going to do anything for her, because I am. But you will just 'happen' to be there and will just 'happen' to ask her out. You get it?" Pinkie leaned her head to me and wore a big mischievous smile.

I got the point, and a big 'ol grin curled on my face to match Pinkie's, and I leaned my head to hers. "Ooh...that's sneaky, but good! You'll throw the party to get Diane in a great mood, I'll ask her out, and she won't think I'm 'buttering her up' because you're throwing the party?"

"Yep, that's right, Eric-berry! Now, I'll just need some time to--"

Remembering something, my grin vanished. "Wait, Pinkie, how would we get Diane here?

"You haven't seen her, but the last two weeks she's stopped at Sugarcube Corner every three days and she should be here in a few more hours. So I'll set the party before she comes and have her stick around. If we tell the Cakes why, they'll let me throw a party because they like you."

Pinkie had all her bases covered, so I thought I finally got some good luck! Pinkie went on to prepare the party before Diane came by on her own, and I headed to Twilight's castle while Pinkie did her thing.

I was a bit worried about Twilight and the others getting mad at me about "having" Pinkie help me instead of one of them. But they seemed to understand, or they knew that it's impossible to get Pinkie Pie to leave you alone if she really wants to do something for you.

Five hours later, and an hour before Princess Celestia set the sun, Pinkie hopped to the castle to bring me back to Sugarcube Corner.

Back at Sugarcube Corner, the party was in full force. Ten ponies walked throughout the lobby, or sat by tables or standing, talking about one thing or another. Balloons were spread along the walls or on the tables by strings tied to them. Diane sat by the table I was at when I talked to Pinkie earlier with a slice of cake, she had a cup filled with blueberry juice on the table. She was smiling big-time and seemed happier than I've seen her so far. She tried to say that she didn't want to be "a bother" and offered to leave, but of course, Pinkie wasn't having that. Pinkie also didn't have to worry about baking any cakes because she had three hidden for "cake emergencies" and I nearly asked why she had them.

Till I remembered she's Pinkie Pie and you just smile and nod when she does stuff like that.

Twilight and the others felt they might be bad luck after all the busts, so they stayed away and would come after I ask out Diane. Starlight was flying kites with Maud, so she didn't come.

With Pinkie and me by the door to the kitchen to Sugarcube Corner, Pinkie said, "Okay, Eric, Diane's enjoying herself and is in a good mood. 🎵Now's your chance!🎵"

I was in a great mood myself and chuckled. "Okay. I'm going in."

"Good luck!"

I walked to stand beside Diane and felt calmer, about as calm as when I had Fluttershy's bird with me. It looked like I would land Diane, at last!

"Hi, Eric! You're here too?"

"Yep. How are you enjoying the party?"

"I'm enjoying it very much! I've heard about Pinkie Pie throwing great parties, but I didn't know they were this fun, and I love all the balloons she has all over the lobby!"

"When it comes to throwing parties, there's none better than Pinkie, and trust me: I'm not saying that because she's my friend."

"I believe you. But I'm glad you're here because--"

Before Diane could finish, the party pony herself hopped over to us, with some kind of a tall thin sealed cup. "Hey guys, I know you're having fun, but how about we make things more fun with a surprise?"

Pinkie opened the "cup" she had, confetti flew out of it and a bit flew in my right eye!

"Ow! My eye!" Out of surprise, I swung my left arm and covered my eye with a hand, and...oh boy.

As the ponies around us gasped, one of my fingers poked one of Diane Heart's eyes!

"Ow!"

"Uh-oh," Pinkie muttered. And "uh-oh" would be an understatement!

Ignoring the stinging of my own eyes, I said, "Oh, buck! I am so sorry, Diane! Are you all right?!"

Holding the eye I poked with a hoof, Diane answered, "I will be fine, but my eye really hurts. I need to go an ice pack for it."

"B-But I--"

Before I stuttered any further, Diane flew out Sugarcube Corner. My own eyes stung, but the only thing on my mind was how I hurt that poor thing! I glared at Pinkie. "You just haaaaad to give a 'surprise' huh, Pinkie Pie?"

"I'm sorry, Eric! That confetti's never flown in a pony's eye before! Then again, you're not a pony, so--"

"Pinkie, please, not now. But at least I'm used to blowing it."

"M-Maybe I can fix this. I could throw another party, and--"

"Pinkie? I know you're just trying to help, but no. I hurt Diane, so I'm quitting, for real. I can't take this anymore."

"Oh, okay," Pinkie said with a big frown.

Uh-oh. Pinkie's frown tugged on my heartstrings because I didn't mean to hurt her feelings. I forced a smile, rubbed her head, and assured, "But you tried your best, so thanks, Pinkie."

It worked, and Pinkie gave one of her usual smiles. "Thanks, Eric! And if you change your mind, auntie Pinkie Pie will throw Diane another party!"

It felt odd hearing Pinkie say "auntie Pinkie Pie" but I felt a little better; the weirdness I felt negated the frustration I felt. Not to mention, it was quite refreshing that one of my friends didn't say anything about me spending too much time with Twilight. Still, I planned to simply get over my crush.

But, leaving Sugarcube Corner, I had a feeling that other ponies would want a turn...

Author's Note

Things just aren't going well for Eric. He's all out of "mane" ponies, so who could help him now?

Oh, and Pinkie Pie, Princess Twilight Sparkle? I know you can see this, and I love you two, but stay out of my author's notes! The fact that you are actually real is supposed to be our little secret, remember? It's bad enough you won't let me go to Equestria, but are you trying to get me in trouble with the big brass too?!

Okay, okay! I won't do it again, I Pinkie Promise!

Same here, and I'm so sorry!

Good! And yes Eric has spent too much time with you Twilight.

What was that?!

N-Nothing! But since he won't ask you out, maybe you should ask him out if he blows it in chapter four.

Chapter 4: Starlight Glimmer's and Trixie's Advice

Well, over the previous six days, I had a whopping seven busts at asking out my new crush, Diane Heart, which was just absu-- I mean, silly! After Spike's, Twilight's, Rainbow Dash's, Fluttershy's, Rarity's, and Pinkie Pie's ideas all failed, and how the last bust ended with one of Diane's eyes hurt, I was done!

Back at Twilight's castle, with my head down as I was walking up to its yellow double-doors, a voice called out, "Buggie? Is something wrong?"

I raised my head and turned around to a purplish pink Unicorn. She was my favorite Unicorn, Starlight Glimmer, trotting to me with a frown of concern on her face.

"Hey, Starie, am I glad to see you! I need some cheering up."

"You do? What happened?"

I lucked out by Starlight returning to the castle on her own since I wanted to see her anyway. I told her about my epic failures. She nearly giggled about the part where that bird dropped...something on me, but knowing I felt so down prevented her from laughing.

"Ouch. I had no idea you struggled so bad at asking out your crushes."

"Well, that's something new you learned about me. But never mind that: I need my big sis to cheer me up."

"Hmm..."

"What's with the 'hmm'?"

"Well, I was thinking about a way you could--"

My eyes widened, and I shouted, "Oh, no! Buck, buck, no! Don't you even think about helping me ask out Diane, Starlight Glimmer!"

"Uhh...what do I do if I already did?"

"Then you forget about it, and cast a spell on yourself if you have to! I’m not risking another bust!"

"But can’t I at least tell you?"

"Nope! I don't want to be tempted!"

"Well, okay. I won’t tell."

Seeing Starlight frown, I felt a jolt of pain in my heart. In a kinder voice, I said, "Wait, I'm sorry about that, Starie. I didn’t mean to yell at you, but it's just--"

But Starlight smiled and assured, "No, it's okay, and I know you've been through a lot. If you don't want me to tell you, I won't, but I promise I'm not hurt or upset."

"You're sure, big sis?"

"Yep, I'm sure, little bro. But I have an idea on how to cheer you up."

That put a smile on my face! "Now that's an idea I want to hear! What is it?"

"It will be a surprise so I can't tell you, but you’ll get it in a little while."

"Okay, and I can't wait!"

"So you go and ‘chillax’ or something, and I'll find you when it's ready."

Starlight sped off to prepare whatever surprise she cooked up in that head of hers. Though, at the time, I didn't consider her plan being not one of Starlight's ideas, but a Starlight idea.

Three hours later, as I “chillaxed” in my room and lay on my bed, reading a new book Twilight thought I might enjoy, Starlight peeked her head through the door and told me her "surprise" was ready. Ha, my big sis didn't need to say more; I jumped off my bed and followed Starlight to her surprise. But Starlight wouldn't tell me where or what it was, and she only told me to follow her.

Walking through the marketplace in Ponyville, where Spike and I were when we first met Diane, while passing by various ponies either talking to each other or in lines in front of the outside stands, Starlight kept turning her head back to forth and seemed to be looking for something. But she still refused to tell me her "surprise".

"Come on, Starie, can't you just tell me your 'surprise'? Maybe I can help you find it."

"No can do, Buggie. If I tell you, it'll ruin the surprise."

"Maybe, but it won't matter if you can’t find it."

As I kept pestering Starlight to spill it, she suddenly stopped walking. She turned her body halfway to me and picked me up with her magic to pull me in front of where she was facing.

"Uh, before I give you the surprise I promised, did I ever tell you about the first spell I mastered as a filly?"

"Yep. You told me when we flew kites together for the first time. And I know you, Starie: you're stalling."

"Whaaaat? Me? S-Stall? What makes you think I'm stalling?" Starlight asked in a voice tone with mock surprise, and with a smile that only proved she was up to something. And probably with one of her Starlight plans. By now, she should know that she can’t fool me.

"Why else would you ask me something like that out of the blue?"

"Well, I...oh!" Starlight pointed her hoof in the direction behind me. "Oh, look who it is! That’s the ‘Diane’ mare you have a crush on, right?"

I spun my head and spotted Diane walking towards us. "Uh, yeah, that's her, but--"

Starlight didn't need to hear any more; she picked me up with her magic, and took us both to Diane. The eye of Diane's that was hurt was now a black eye, but it didn't seem to be hurting much now, given she was smiling and appeared to be in a good mood.

"Oh, hi! Your name's Diane Heart, right?"

"Yes, it is."

"I knew it! My name’s Starlight Glimmer, and I'm sure you know Eric, right?"

"Oh, yes. I have seen him a lot the last week."

I whispered, "Starie, what are you up to now?"

Before Starlight could whisper something back, Diane said, "Well, it's always nice to see you, Eric, but--"

"Yeah, he's a good guy, isn't he?"

Diane looked to her left (Starlight's and my right) and frowned. "Y-Yes, he is, but I need to--"

But as Diane started running to where she was pointing, Starlight teleported in front of her to cut her off. "Hey, did you know he once faced off against Queen Chrysalis to save Princess Twilight Sparkle's life?"

Diane leaned her head to the side and seemed to be trying to focus on something behind Starlight, but Starlight leaned her body to mirror Diane’s head movement.

"I-I heard, and it was wonderful, but--"

"Yeah, and he was so brave, and I was so proud of him. He’s like my little brother, you know."

Still a foot away from both Starlight and Diane, I thought I better make my big sis cut it out. I ran up beside her and started, "Starie, I think Diane's trying to say--"

Before I could finish, Starlight wrapped a foreleg around and pulled me to her. "How awesome a guy you are? Because you are!"

Diane’s eyes widened, and while still trying to look behind Starlight and to someone behind us, yelled, "N-No, wait, I wanted that!"

Both Starlight and I spun around to where Diane tried to get to. Carrying a clear bag filled with berries in her mouth, a brown Earth Pony was walking from a stand that was selling berries. Or was selling berries, because the mare walking away bought the last ten.

"No! I was looking all over for those kinds of berries, and that mare just bought them!"

"Wait, what?"

“You see, Starie? I tried to tell--”

Diane, now with a scowl, looked at me and said, "I know you enjoy talking to me, Eric, but I tried to tell you and Starlight that I needed to get to the stand selling the berries before somepony bought them!"

With Diane mad at me, my stuttering returned. I shook my head hard, struggling to show it wasn’t my fault, and explained, "W-Wait, me? B-But it was S-Starlight that--"

"Please, Eric, I need to go."

With an angry frown, Diane stormed off, and both Starlight and I stared in the direction she ran off in. After Diane was out-of-sight, I glared at Starlight, who wore one of her nervous grins.

"Uh, surprise?"

I’ll give her points for attempting to lighten the mood. Too bad it failed, because it just made me groan and facepalm. "Not funny, Starlight."

Nearing the doors to Twilight’s castle again, I was still ticked off. I was so mad, I refused to listen to Starlight’s apologies that she said, over and over, as she followed me back to the castle. Turns out, Starlight's idea was for her to act as my wingman -- or wingmare -- and talk me up and make me look good to Diane. Obviously, it backfired.

"Oh, come on, Eric! For the thirteenth time, I'm sorryyyyy!"

"And for the thirteenth time, I don't want to heeeeear it, Starlight Glimmer! I told you not to try and help me ask out Diane, but you did anyway, and it backfired!"

"But I just wanted to help you out, like a good big sister!"

"Well, big sis, you did an awful job at ‘helping’ me, because now Diane's mad at me!"

"I know, and I'm so sor--"

As Starlight nearly apologized for the fourteenth time, from behind us, a smug female voice asked, "Wow, you two hardly ever fight. How bad did you mess up, Starlight?"

We spun around to a familiar blue Unicorn, with a smirk, but without her magician get-up.

Yep. "The Great and Powerful Trixie" decided to grace us with her presence. At least, that's how she might put it.

"Hey, Trixie. And yeah, I might've messed up while helping Eric ask out his crush--"

Knowing what I’d be in for if Trixie learned about my screw-ups, I interrupted, "Starlight! Don't tell her!"

But, I was too late, and Trixie’s smug smirk only grew bigger. "Ooh! You have a crush, Eric? Who is she?"

Well, since I realized Starlight said too much, I felt I had no choice but to tell Trixie about my epic failures, or else she wouldn’t leave me alone. You might think that she would laugh her head off, and if you did, I have news for you.

You'd be right. That pony laughed so hard, it “helped” me stop being mad at Starlight.

"Ha ha ha! Oh, oh my stomach! Ha ha ha!"

"Oh, come on, Trixie, cut it out! Eric feels bad enough as it is!"

I sighed and said, "No, Starie, just let her keep rolling on the ground laughing and have her fun. At this point, I won't feel much worse if she just laughs."

A half-minute into it, Trixie calmed down her laughing, mostly, and stood up from rolling on the ground. "Wow, Eric! That, ha ha, was...just wow."

"Now if you're done laughing, I'm going in the castle to forget about these last six days."

"You know, Eric, I can't say I'm surprised that you blew it all those times."

Usually, Trixie doesn’t bother me too much when she picks on me. In fact, I often return her insults, and it becomes friendly banter, which we love doing to each other, though it sometimes annoy Starlight. But this time, it triggered me and I yelled, "Ugh! Come on, Trixie! I let you have your fun, so stop picking on me! I'm not in the mood for it today!"

But Trixie’s smirk quickly flipped into a frown. In a more friendly voice, she said, "No, Eric, I'm not picking on you this time, I promise."

I stopped scowling, and asked, "Okay...so if you weren't insulting me, then what was it?"

"I mean with who you went to for advice, it's no wonder they ended in disasters. And Twilight Sparkle? Really?"

Yep, we are still doing the Twilight Sparkle shaming, and I was wondering if it'd ever stop! I groaned and said, "First, I didn't go to Twilight, and second...what do you mean by ‘it's no wonder they ended in disasters'?"

Starlight chimed in, “Yeah, I don’t get it either.”

"Instead of you going to Diane, you should've done something to impress her so she’d come to you."

A moment of curiosity took over, and I asked, "And even if I wanted to, how would I do that?"

"You do it like me --” Trixie stood on her hind legs and spread her forelegs in boastful fashion “-- The Great and Powerful Trixie!”

With my moment of curiosity over, I said, "Well, Ms. Powerful, even if I were a Unicorn and could do magic shows like you, it wouldn't matter anyway."

"Why you say that?"

"Because whatever you cooked up in that head of yours, I'm not doing!"

Instead of pleading her case, Trixie formed a smirk on her face again, strutted up to me and her purple eyes stared into my brown eyes. "Aw, what's wrong, Eric? You chicken?"

"N-No, I'm not 'chicken'! I'm just sick of blowing it."

Trixie wasn’t having that, so she stepped back, stood on her hind legs again, and flapped her forelegs like chicken wings while clucking like a chicken.

I was not amused and I yelled, "Trixie, stop that! I'm not chicken!"

"What? Bawk! What did you say, chicken?"

Moments away from entering “big sister” mode, or possibly “Overprotective big sister” mode, Starlight ordered, “Okay, seriously, Trixie, leave Eric alone!”

“Yeah, lay off me!”

But Trixie refused to listen and teased, "I can't hear you, chicken. Bawk! What did you say?"

After a couple of seconds, and partly to ensure Starlight doesn’t enter “Overprotective big sister” mode, I sighed and conceded, "Okay, okay, Trixie, you win! I'll do it! What's your idea?"

Trixie stopped her clucking and got off her hind legs to stand on all fours again. "Okay, my next show is tomorrow, and from what you told me Diane Heart looks like, she watches my shows. So how about I let you perform some tricks in it?"

"But how could I impress Diane enough for her to make a move? Even if I do something, you’re the star, so most of the attention would be on you."

"Well, what if I say that I won't be the star this time, but it'll be you?"

Staring at Trixie, I froze in place as my brain struggled to process what came out of her mouth! Starlight wore a blank stare on her face too over it, and we both blinked twice. In fact, after I "unfroze" myself, I thought I should test if this Unicorn in front of me really is Trixie Lulamoon, and I raised my hand in the air and kept it there. This is a special signal Twilight came up with, in case we’ll need to prove we’re us and not an unreformed Changeling or even Queen Chrysalis. All our friends, including Trixie, know about it.

Trixie rolled her eyes and lightly slapped her cheek three times, which means ”it’s really me”. Starlight did as well, and even I did it. The plan demands that everyone do it, even the one giving the signal.

“Oh, very funny, Eric. But look, I know we love picking on each other, but we're still friends, and I'd want to help you if you need it. And right now, you need it."

"Wow, that's...thanks. So what now?"

"First, The Great and Powerful Trixie will teach you some easy tricks that won’t need magic, and tomorrow, you’ll be the opening act of my show."

Starlight asked, "Wait, opening act? But I thought you said Eric would be the star?"

"He is the star...for the opening act."

Of course Trixie meant I’d just be the star of the opening act and not the whole show! But I counted myself lucky that she’d let me star in any part of her shows.

Anyway, for the rest of the day, Trixie taught me some sleight-of-hand tricks, so the fact that I’m not a Unicorn wouldn’t be an issue. As I trained with her, it sunk in more and more that, when Trixie was teasing me by calling me a chicken, she only did it because she really wanted to help me. She's a better friend than I sometimes give her credit for.

The next day, an hour after Princess Luna raised the moon, it was time for Trixie's magic show, with me as the opening act. Trixie hung a huge poster of her face high above the stage and a much smaller one of me beside it. Heh, I’m surprised she did that much for me, with me being “just” the opening act. This was a rare show where Trixie wouldn’t need her “number one assistant” so Starlight was practicing spells with Twilight at the castle.

In fact, it’s not often that I spend time with Trixie without ~~her marefriend~~ Starlight nearby. It felt both odd and refreshing to be alone with her.

As a crowd of ponies gathered in front of the stage, Trixie and I stood behind a blue curtain hung behind the stage. She now wore her magician get-up: a purple hat and cape with yellow and light-blue stars and small circles covering both.

"Okay, Eric, you got pretty good at those tricks I taught you, so you should do all right."

"I hope, but where’s Di--" I started to ask as I took a peek from the curtain at the crowd as I was talking, and when I noticed Diane walking into the crowd, the heartbeats kicked into overdrive. I guess when she got mad at me before, it made the calmness I felt the last times I saw her leave me. Uh-oh.

"Well, I guess you answered your own question, Eric. It’s time to start the show, so get ready."

I stayed put, and Trixie came from behind the curtain and onto the middle of the stage, with the crowd cheering as she appeared. I couldn't see it, but knowing Trixie, she wore her usual smug smile, with her head held high and enjoyed the cheering, because why wouldn’t she?

"Greetings, and welcome to the Trixie Lulamoon Show! I am the Great and Powerful Trixie, but before Trixie amaze you with her grand illusions, first, put your hooves together for Eric Reed!"

Ha, I guess Trixie thought she apologized enough, so she ditched that “The Humble and Penitent Trixie’s Equestrian apology Tour” mouthful of a name. Then again, that still sounds more impressive than "The Trixie Lulamoon Show" if you ask me!

With Trixie giving me my cue, as she trotted off the stage, I came from behind the curtains to the stage to the middle of it, where Ms. Powerful just stood. Looking at the cheering crowd, and then to a smiling Diane near the back, not only did my nerves, which wasn’t a big deal the last few times I tried to ask her out, return in full force, but stage fright forced it further into overdrive!

However, I fought to stay calm, and only one drop of sweat flowed down my face. Not only did I want to impress and win over Diane, but I didn’t want to buck up and ruin Trixie’s show. Both because she’s my friend and because she’s a Unicorn, and is stronger than you might think she is. If I bucked up and ruined her show, Twilight and Starlight weren’t around to stop Trixie from turning me into a pink teacup or something if she got too mad.

"Uh, hey, everybody, uh, I mean, everypony. I *gulp* am The Great and Powerful Eric, and, uh, prepare to be amazed at my multiplying card trick!"

I didn’t plan to call myself “The Great and Powerful Eric” but after hearing Trixie call herself “The Great and Powerful Trixie” so much, it slipped out. Though, as she watched on, Trixie showed no signs of minding it.

One of the tricks Trixie taught me was a card trick to "multiply" a card in my hand. However, my nerves got the better of me. As I did the hand motions and waves, I messed up and revealed the cards I had hidden under my shirt, which I was supposed to grab while skillfully moving my hands and arms to hide my grabbing them. Instead, I made them fall to my feet.

Yep, that got a huge laugh out of the crowd. As I stood with one of the all-time biggest nervous smiles on my face, with my face itself probably looking like a tomato from turning red, Trixie trotted back onto the stage to bail me out -- or just save her show -- by claiming it was "part of the act", which worked! Trixie picked me up with her magic and carried me off the stage and went on to do the "real show".

However, before Trixie trotted back onto the stage, Diane walked off.

Welp, that's nine epic failures.

After the show, which I stayed to watch by peeking behind the curtains in a spot the crowd wouldn't see me, Trixie ran to me. To my relief, she wasn’t scowling or ready to turn me into a teacup, but just had a confused frown on her face. "Okay, what was that, Eric? You did that trick twenty times in a row, so what happened?!"

"'What happened' is that my nerves got the better of me by Diane being here!"

"But you said you were calm the last three times you tried to ask her out, so why weren't you calm this time?"

"Probably because I was on a stage this time!” I growled and facepalmed. “I can't believe I didn't see this coming!"

"Oof. I never met anypony with so much bad luck asking out ponies. Is it a human thing?"

"Nope, it's an Eric Reed thing! But in case you're about to suggest something else, I'm not doing it, no matter how many times you call me a chicken."

In a surprise move to me, Trixie shook her head. "Uh, nope, I wasn't going to suggest anything. You have been through enough."

"Uh...thanks?"

“Besides, I think you tried to ask out the wrong mare. You should ask out Twilight, because you two get along great.”

Wonderful. Even Trixie thought I should ask out Twilight, and I growled louder than I did before. “Like I told Rainbow and Pinkie when they said that, no! But thanks for trying to help.”

Now I’ve had nine busts, which have seriously got to be a world-record!

But, on the next day, there would be one more to have their turn to help me land Diane Heart. And I did not expect to see her!

Author's Note

Poor guy still can't catch a break. But who is "her" that Eric was talking about? Will "she" be the game-changer Eric so badly needs?

And I still say Twilight and Eric should try to go on a date.

Chapter 5: Sunset Shimmer's Advice, a Confession, and a Dance

Well, you know the drill by now: I tried to ask out Diane Heart, my sisters and friends tried to help, and everything backfired in my face. Got it? Good.

On the next day after the bust with Trixie’s advice, I decided to head to the park and enjoy the sunshine. Yep, I borrowed a page from Diane’s playbook.

Now in the park, I sat on a bench, and it was the same one Diane liked using. Some colts and fillies played “catch” with a red ball while giggling near a water fountain twenty feet in front of me. I'll admit that their laugher cheered me up a little.

Before I could close my eyes to relax, a semi-familiar voice called out, "Wow, Eric. Something must be wrong if you’re here in the park by yourself."

"Yeah, this has been an awful week," I answered while glancing to where the voice came from, and turned back around to where I originally faced. But then who I saw registered in my head.

My eyes widened, and I spun around to the Unicorn standing there. She wore a gold coat. She had a red and yellow-striped mane which gave it a "bacon-like" appearance. I shook my head and even rubbed my eyes to make sure I wasn't seeing things.

“Well, out of all the reactions I got when someone saw me, yours might be the most interesting.”

Nope, I saw right: she really was Sunset Shimmer!

But before I could ask why she was in Equestria or even say anything that wasn’t stutters, Sunset said, "You look like you never saw a Unicorn before. What’s wrong?"

I gave my face a light slap to snap myself out of my little starstruck state. "S-Sorry, Sunset, but you practically never come to Equestria. What are you doing here?"

"What? You don't want to see me?"

Shaking my head harder than before, I stuttered, "N-N-No! It's n-not like that! It's just--"

As I kept stuttering, Sunset giggled. "Relax, Eric, I'm only teasing. But yeah, I’m just visiting Equestria."

"Oh, you’re here visiting? It’s good to see you in person, instead of only talking to you in our journals."

“Same here, Eric.”

Guess I have some explaining to do. Four months ago, when near her wits' end to help me get through a severe bout of homesickness, Twilight went to the "other" human world and explained to Sunset about my...situation. Twi asked if Sunset and the other girls could talk to me in a new journal she made and brought with her, since it was the closest I could get to interacting with other humans. She hoped it might help cure my homesickness.

And it worked. Since then, I sometimes “talk” to the “Human Seven” (or whatever) with the journal Twilight created for me that’s magically linked to theirs. Sunset told me she holds on to the one they use when the other six aren’t writing in it, as she does with the journal she talks with Princess Twilight with.

"Anyway, I'd like to talk to you for a bit, but I...wait." I placed a hand on my chin to think, because something wasn’t right here. If Sunset Shimmer really came to Equestria to just visit, that’s a H-U-G-E deal, so she would have already told me in our journal that she was coming, or Twilight and/or Starlight would have told me. If she came to Equestria as a surprise, she wouldn't have talked about visiting so nonchalantly. I took my hand off my chin, and with Sunset looking confused, I gave her a suspicious stare. “Hold on a second.”

"What's wrong?"

"Sunset, you never come to Equestria to 'visit' and only show up if something’s wrong.”

“R-Really? I n-never came to j-just visit?” Sunset stuttered and further proved she came for another reason. I found it quite amusing that I turned the tables and had her flustered, but I didn’t show it.

“Yeah, really, because Twilight told me you never visited on your own. And you're in too good a mood for something to be wrong in ‘your’ world, so who was it?"

"Who's what?"

"Who asked you to come to Equestria and talk to me? Twilight or Starlight?"

"N-No one, and I just wanted to visit. Why would I need another reason?"

Nope. I wasn’t buying that answer from "Sunshim" and raised an eyebrow.

After grinning nervously, Sunset sighed and admitted, "Fine. Starlight went through the portal to get me, but don’t tell her that I told you."

When Sunset told me it was Starlight who got her, I forced myself to not think about how Starie, my Equestrian big sister, looked in human form.

Why? Because Starlight Glimmer was smoking hot in those ripped jeans and pink beanie!

"I won’t tell, and I guess Starie still felt bad about the bust she caused. So how much did she tell you?"

"Starlight didn’t say too much, but I got the gist of it.”

Despite the...obvious limited ability to get to know her personally, but from both our writing to each other and watching the "Equestria Girls" series, I knew I could trust Sunset Shimmer. Thus, I told her everything about my nine still-epic failures.

"Oof, that doesn't sound like a good time," Sunset said with a hoof on her cheek. I wondered if it felt weird to her, since she’s used to having hands instead of hooves.

"And that’s an understatement! But I don't want to talk about it anymore."

"I don't blame you, and if I knew this was going on, I would have come earlier to--"

Yep, even Sunset’s getting into the act! My eyes got huge -- which happened a lot this past week -- and I shouted, "Oh, no, no, no, and no! And did I say ‘no’? Sunset Shimmer, no offense, but I don't want to hear what you cooked up, because I am done asking out Diane! As in, d-o-n, done!"

"Uh, you mean, 'd-o-n-e'."

Realizing that I misspelled such an easy word, I growled and facepalmed. "Y-You see how upset I am to leave out the 'e' in ‘done’?"

"I know, but please, just hear me out! I have an idea that's proven to work!"

I nearly said that I wasn’t interested, but hearing Sunset’s idea was “proven” to work drew my attention. "Wait, 'proven'? As in it worked for somepony, er, I mean, someone?"

"You might be the first human to say ‘somepony’ out of habit. But as for my idea: I helped the Twilight in ‘my’ human world ask out someone with it."

"R-Really? And Sci-Twi went on a date? She didn’t mention anything about a date the last time she talked to me in the journal."

"It happened after the last time you ‘talked’.” Sunset’s face formed a confused frown. “Wait, ‘Sci-Twi'?"

"Oh, yeah, I never told you, or her for that matter, that ‘Sci-Twi’ is a nickname many in my world liked calling that version of Twilight. I know she's not the same as Princess Twilight, but still, I can't believe a Twilight Sparkle went on a date! But please don't tell Sci-Twi I said that last part.”

“I won't, but enough about the Twilights; I come to help you ask out Diane Heart."

"And your idea's 'proven' to work, right?"

Sunset nodded her head.

I put a hand on my chin again, struggling to figure out if I should try Sunset’s plan. "Well...wait, I think Diane’s still mad at me, so what do we do about that?”

"If she’s still mad, I’ll take care of it."

“Well…” In my head, I went back and forth on what to do. I had a ton of bad luck this week. And yet, Sunset claimed her idea worked for Sci-Twi; something none of the others did. "And you’re sure this won’t backfire, because my heart can't take another bust! If you’re really my friend--"

"Don't worry. I wouldn’t offer to help with an idea that might go wrong."

After another three seconds, I gave a deep sigh. "Okay, Sunset. If you're that sure, I'll trust you and try your idea. So I suppose this is the part where we track down Diane?"

"Yep."

Sunset and I left the park and looked for Diane. I didn’t know where Diane was, and Sunset sure had no idea, so we needed to search for her.

Nearing Sugarcube Corner, Sunset and I spotted Diane in front of its door. Guess she broke her three-day cycle of going, since it's only been two days since the last time she was at Sugarcube Corner; during the Pinkie Pie bust. It reminded me of the first time I attempted to ask her out with Spike, and like back then, she seemed to be waiting for something. Sunset did her best to assure me that her idea wouldn't end in a tenth bust as we combed Ponyville, but I still had to fight my paranoia that it might. In fact, I fought so hard, I forgot to ask Sunset what her idea was.

"Okay, that mare’s Diane, right?"

"Yep. So what am I going to do this time? Dance? Crack jokes?"

"You're going to do nothing."

It took a second for what Sunset said to process in my brain, then I rubbed my head. "H-Huh?"

"Just follow me."

I had no idea what Sunset was thinking, but I followed her as she trotted to Diane.

Once we got to Diane, Sunset asked, "Hey, you're 'Diane Heart', right?"

"Yes, I am. And, Eric, about the other day, I'm sorry I got mad at you. It really wasn’t your fault."

Boy, did I feel a big wave of relief knowing Diane wasn’t mad at me anymore! “Oh, it’s all right, Diane, and I can understand--”

Sunset interrupted, "But before we get any further, Diane, first, my name’s Sunset Shimmer. And” -- Sunset pulled me to her with a foreleg -- ”my friend Eric has been trying to ask you out, but something always went wrong."

My eyes understandably became huge here! In a hushed voice, I asked, "S-Sunset? What are you doing?"

Sunset leaned her head to me and whispered, "I'm asking her out for you."

I figured Sunset meant that she asked out someone for Sci-Twi. Somehow, that made so much sense! Guess Sunset Shimmer's "advice" -- if I can even call it that -- is "When dating advice doesn't work for your friends, take care of it for them".

But before I could respond, Diane confessed, "Oh, I know."

Yep, that was something neither Sunset or myself expected Diane Heart to say! Sunset and I stared at each other with our mouths open. Thought after thought flooded through my brain, but I was unable to focus on any of them. I would guess it happened in Sunset’s brain too, but I don’t know for sure: she’s the mind-reader, not me.

After a couple of seconds, we turned to Diane, and at the same time, Sunset and I asked, "You do?"

With a giggle, Diane answered, "Oh, yes. Well, I didn't at first, but I figured it out a few days ago."

"H-H-How?" Sunset asked. Though I was about to ask that question.

"You see, my special talent is sensing others' romantic feelings."

That would explain Diane Heart's three hearts as her Cutie Mark, so it didn’t just fit her name. In fact, a number of ponies have a connection between their names and their Cutie Marks. The small white stars on Twilight Sparkle’s Cutie Mark look like sparkles unless you look at it closely. Rainbow Dash’s has a rainbow on hers. Applejack’s is three apples.

Before I could do it, Sunset beat me to the punch again and asked, "So, if you knew about his crush, why didn't you let Eric know?"

"Well, at first I wasn't sure because I didn't know how humans with crushes act. But it was soon after he gave me a gift when I knew for sure.” In a more apologetic voice, Diane added, “And, Eric, I'm sorry if I made you feel bad about it, because that wasn’t my intention."

Before I could tell Diane it was okay, Sunset, who took over at this point and wasn't letting me say a thing, questioned, "Okay. But if I'm right, that happened during the sixth time Eric tried to ask you out, so why didn't you tell him when you saw him later?"

"Well, I tried to at Pinkie's party, but Pinkie...interrupted us. I was in too much of a hurry for some hard-to-find berries the next time we saw each other, and I didn't think he would feel like talking after his...magic act."

"Okay! Well, since you know, what do you think about going on a date with Eric? I'll vouch for him and say he's a great guy."

"Oh. Well, I'm flattered, but..."

Yep, I knew what Diane was about to say next. However, I didn’t think it was easy for her either, so before Sunset said it for me, I interrupted, "You don't feel the same way about me?"

With a frown, Diane answered, "No, and I'm sorry. It's nothing personal, I promise!"

I thought I might have felt down, but didn’t. Maybe deep down I knew Diane didn’t feel the same way about me. Or the pain of the nine busts felt so bad, it numbed the pain here. "Oh, well, it's okay, Diane. You can't help it if you don't."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure."

Diane sighed, smiled, and of course she gave a cute smile. "Well, that's great, and we can be friends, if you like."

"I would, and sorry for all the trouble."

"It's all right, and I'll see you later, Eric."

I waved my hand to say good-bye and walked off, and Sunset walked beside me with a frown of concern.

"You sure you're all right, Eric? Princess Twilight told me how you sometimes hide it when you’re hurting about something, so she or others won’t worry about you."

"Yep. After all the busts, I actually don’t feel too bad, so I promise I'm good."

Sunset wiped her forehead. "Whew! I'm glad, and I'm sure Twilight and Starlight will be happy you're all right."

"And later I'll--oh!"

"What?"

I remembered that, even before Sunset “found” me in the park, I was planning to later pick up some cupcakes for the next time I read with Twilight, flew kites with Starlight, or solved jigsaw puzzles with both of them. “I forgot I need to buy some cupcakes at Sugarcube Corner, so I’m gonna get some now.”

I ran back to Sugarcube Corner, and as I walked through the door, I spotted Diane talking with another mare, a light-green Pegasus. They faced the other way, so they didn’t see me, and I backed out of the bakery. But, I stayed near the door. I know it’s not right to eavesdrop, but hearing my name mentioned made me unable to resist.

"So, Diane, I saw Eric just tried to ask you out."

"Yes, he did. But I turned him down.”

“Why? Because he’s a human?”

“No, it’s not that. He's sweet, but...he looks too weird."

"Oh, yeah, I guess he does. Still, all of Ponyville’s used to it."

"Well, I guess I will be too. But it's just too weird to date somepony or whatever who looks so odd."

Well, that pierced my heart. It brought back painful memories of being picked on in second grade for “looking weird”, when I was still healing from serious burns I suffered from a firecracker. It seemed to be a dud because it didn’t fire off like the thing should have, but when I picked it up when no one was looking, it ignited and...yeah. Not fun. Then the bullying afterward was just overkill. So Diane not going out with me because I looked weird felt like second grade all over again.

Seeing me walk out of Sugarcube Corner with my head down, Sunset knew something wasn’t right and ran to me, and I explained to her what happened. I already told her about the great firecracker burning, so she immediately knew I was hit hard and gasped.

Trying to perform damage control, Sunset stuttered, "W-Well, Eric, I-I'm sure she didn't mean that. M-Maybe--"

"No, I heard right.” I shook my head hard and tried to force a smile. “But, uh, it's all right!"

"It is?"

Still trying to put on a brave face so Sunset wouldn’t feel bad or guilty, but fighting back tears, I lied, "Yeah! It's not that I didn't still feel out-of-place in Equestria sometimes and thought ponies didn't think I looked weird anymore or anything. Or that I wouldn’t be reminded about the firecracker thing, but I'm fiiiine."

If I left out the “firecracker” part, Sunset might have bought my pathetic lie. She, of course, didn’t, and gently rested a hoof on my back with a big ‘ol sympathetic frown. "Eric, I'm sorry. If I knew that would happen, I--"

Still forcing a smile, I gave a friendly pat on Sunset’s side, which made her take her hoof off me. "Don't worry, Sunset. Like I said, it's all right. But, uh, I gotta head to the castle, so I’ll talk to you later!"

With Sunset trying to call me back, I sped off to the castle with my fists clenched; I had moping to do in my room. To be honest, I was in bad need of a hug and wanted to start the waterworks with Sunset. But, if I did, she would have thought what happened was her fault, and I didn’t want that. Even though she felt that way anyway.

About a half-hour later in my bedroom, I lay on my bed in my bedroom. The waterworks already happened but stopped at this point, but I was still in a depressed state and just stared pointlessly at the ceiling. It was surprising that I was still affected emotionally that much about the firework mishap, but guess I wasn’t as over it as I thought. Safe to say I paid a price for eavesdropping.

But then, three knocks came from my bedroom door. A voice full of sympathy that I knew belonged to a certain purple Alicorn asked, "Hey, Buggie? I heard from Sunset about what happened. She asked me to tell you again that she's so sorry for getting you to ask out Diane just for that to happen, and she'll make up for it someday. Are you all right, little bro?"

Couldn't say I was surprised, but I figured Sunset felt too awful to tell me herself, and thought it might be better for Twilight to tell me. I wrote a mental note to tell her it was okay the next time we talked in our journal.

I turned my head to my door. Wanting to pretend I was fine, I cleared my throat and lied, "Yeah, Twi, I am…” I gave up on trying to fake it, and in a sadder voice admitted, “Oh, who am I kidding? No, I'm not! Being rejected because I’m not a pony I could deal with. But getting rejected for looking ‘weird’ is like the ‘firecracker’ thing all over again!"

Don't know why I was surprised, but Twilight was far from alone outside the door. Another voice, who I could tell belonged to Ms. Honest Horse, said, "Well, maybe Diane thinks ya look ‘weird’, but we don't!"

"But please let us in, because we want to talk to you."

"I'm really not in the mood for talking, Fluttershy."

At first, I was worried they would try to “insist”, but instead Twilight said, "All right. You know we wouldn’t force you to talk about something if you really don’t want to. Just try to cheer up, okay?"

"Okay."

With that, I covered my head with a pillow, but suddenly sensed something. When I took my pillow off me, I saw two blue eyes staring at me. You should know who they belonged to.

"Surprise!!"

I screamed and almost rolled off my bed! "What?! P-P-Pinkle? How did you--" As I looked more at the smiling face of Pinkie, who stood beside my bed, I realized the answer to what I nearly asked was very simple. "Of course. You're Pinkie Pie."

"And you are in need of some serious cheering up, so I can't leave you in here all alone, silly Eric!" For a role reversal, Pinkie gave me a *boop* on the nose, which made me chuckle. Something tells me that I might be the only human in the whole Multiverse to get a “boop” from a pony.

But “boops” aside, I knew Pinkie wasn’t going anywhere. Thus, to the others still outside the door, I called out, "Well, the rest of you might as well come in. I know I can’t get Pinkie out of here till I let her try to cheer me up."

The door was opened with pink magic, and Twilight, Spike, Rarity, Applejack, Rainbow, and Fluttershy all walked in, and Pinkie hopped over to them. I figured Starlight was still off somewhere; probably with a certain boastful blue Unicorn.

"We are so sorry about what happened. If any of us knew Diane thought of you like that, we would not have tried to help you ask her out," Twilight admitted.

"Yeah, big bro. I should have let it go when you said how bad you are at asking out your crushes."

Rainbow added, "And I thought ponies were used to you by now and wouldn't think you look...odd."

"I have half a mind to give that Diane Heart a piece of my mind!"

Ha, sometimes I wonder why I don't look at Rarity like a big sister, because she acts like one sometimes, like she just did. But I explained, "Well, Rarity, Diane didn't even mean for me to know, so it's not like she didn't care about my feelings or anything."

Rarity stuttered, "Well, I-I guess. But s-still--"

Turns out, Starlight wasn’t with you-know-who: she walked to my doorway and asked, "Hey, what's going on?" Starlight looked to me and gasped when she saw me frowning. "And, Buggie? Why do you look sad? What happened?!"

Before I could, Applejack explained, "Well, Starlight, that Diane Heart said Eric looked too weird, and he’s takin’ it hard."

Starlight’s eyes grew big and she gasped harder than before. "She said what to my little brother?"

"Applejack said Diane thinks Eric looks weird," Spike answered. Though I was hoping no one would’ve repeated that!

Oh, boy. Starlight Glimmer entered "Overprotective big sister" mode, and she gritted her teeth. "Where is Diane Heart?"

Pinkie answered, "Probably at Sugarcube Corner."

"On it!"

Starlight turned away, but before she could start running down the hallway, I said, "Wait, wait, wait, Starie! Calm down, because she didn't try to hurt my feelings or even wanted to."

"Maybe, but--"

"Please? For me?" I begged.

At first, Starlight turned her head back and forth between the hallway and me, with her teeth still gritted. After a few more seconds, she relaxed her teeth and took a deep breath. "Okay. But I hate someone thinks that about you. You can't help it if you come from a world that looks different from Equestria."

Rainbow, ever the loyal friend, tried to lift the mood and said, "Hey, you know what, Eric? Diane Heart might be a ‘good’ pony but you’re a great, no, an awesome guy, so you can still do better than her anyway!”

“That’s right, darling, so not having you is her loss!" Rarity said with a wink, which made me blush...again.

"Yeah!" Applejack chimed in. "Yer earned a Pink Heart of Courage from the Princesses, and I bet Diane don't have anythin’ close to that!"

"And you have us, and we don't think you look weird one bit!" Pinkie told me while hopping. I even felt a bit guilty for thinking she was “weird” sometimes. In a good way, of course.

"Thanks, and I feel a little better, but can I just be alone for a while? I won’t stay here all day though, I promise.”

She didn’t seem to want to, but Twilight responded, "Well, okay, if you really want to be alone for now.” Twi turned her head at the others one by one. “Guys, let’s go.”

Twilight and the others all left my room, and I put my pillow over my head for the max moping effect. Guess hearing I felt a little better was enough for Pinkie to be willing to leave too.

However, ten seconds later, I heard the door open. I took the pillow off my head to see Twilight walking back in.

"Ugh, come on, Twilight! I know you mean well, but--"

"I know you said to leave you alone, but I can't let you mope like this. So...I'll do it."

"Do 'what'?"

"Do you remember what you have been asking me to do, but I refused to do it?"

I tried to think of what Twilight might have been talking about, but couldn’t think of anything. "Well, it's not like you always do something I ask, so I got nothing."

In what seemed to come from nowhere, Twilight blushed. "I mean, I'm going to do...it."

I rubbed my head, and still didn’t know what Twilight was going on about. But when I truly noticed Twi blushing, an internal light bulb lit up in my head and I gasped. "Wait. You mean, you finally want to do it, it?"

Twilight's blush grew bigger. "Well, I don't want to, but if it would cheer you up, I will."

"No way! You’re serious?! You're not joking, are you, Twi?"

Still blushing, Twilight shook her head. "No, I'm not joking. It's embarrassing, but I can't stand to see you so sad and not do something that could help you feel better. And because we are alone in your bedroom so no one will see it. So, are you ready?"

"I'm ready!"

"Well, here I go. Just hope I don’t mess up because this is something I don't have much experience in doing."

With my face bearing one of my biggest grins yet in Equestria, Twilight first stood up on her hind legs. Then she moved one of her hind legs to point behind her and back to its normal position repeatedly, while moving her head forward and backward. Along with that, she flapped her forelegs like chicken wings, and clucked like a chicken. All the while she changed the direction she faced about every one or two seconds.

Yep, Twilight Sparkle was doing the "chicken dance"! It. Was. Priceless! I tried to get that pony to do the chicken dance for the last month, but she always put her hoof down because she said the dance looked too silly. Though she wasn’t wrong about the “silly” part! Seeing me so sad now though, and she probably felt guilty to boot, big sis Twilight finally did it to cheer me up.

And it worked! As Twilight kept “dancing”, I was laughing my head off!

"Bawk! How do you like this dance? Bawk!"

"Ha ha ha! Oh, I love it! This is even better than I thought it would be!"

"Bawk! If you love that, then how about this?”

Twi went even further as, while she kept flapping her forelegs and kept moving her head back and forth, she yelled, "Bawk! Twilight want a cracker! Bawk!"

That made me laugh even harder! "Okay, that’s too funny and I can’t take it! No more, Twi! Ha ha ha!"

"Bawk! Nope, I'm not stopping! You wanted me to do this for a month, little bro, bawk! So you're getting everything, and this is actually pretty fun! And where's my cracker? Bawk! Twilight still want her cracker!"

After a few more seconds of the Princess of Dancing giving me the laugh of my life, my bedroom door opened, revealing Starlight, Spike, Applejack, Rarity, Pinkie, Rainbow, and Fluttershy. All seven froze and dropped their mouths. Twilight stopped dancing and clucking with one of her hind legs pointing behind her in the air. She formed one of the biggest embarrassed grins I had ever seen her give, turned to the others, and I stopped laughing.

"Uh...hi?" Twilight greeted while still staying in position; probably because she felt too embarrassed to move.

Spike asked, "So...you finally got Twilight to do it, huh, Eric?"

Rainbow asked, "What is ‘it' that she’s doing?"

"Something I never thought Twilight would do," Rarity commented.

"Well, you have some...interesting dance moves, Twilight," Fluttershy said.

"Is that really how silly I looked when I did that dance on my farm?"

"And I wish I stayed to see this!" Starlight admitted. Preferably while sitting in a white and blue striped chair and eating popcorn.

"But do you want to know what's really embarrassing?" Pinkie asked.

"What?" Twilight asked.

"You did that dance wrong, Twilight! You do it like this!"

Pinkie got on her hind legs. She moved her head forward and backward, moved one of her hind legs to point behind her and back to the floor over and over, and flapped her forelegs like a chicken while clucking. Similar to Twilight, Pinkie even yelled, "Bawk! Pinkie want a cracker! Bawk!" while dancing, making me laugh my head off again! I couldn’t tell what Pinkie did “different”, but I didn’t care!

But Rainbow bragged, "Nah, I can do better than that!" and joined in the dance, though she didn’t do the “Rainbow want a cracker!” part.

"No, no, no, that's not how ya do it! It's done like this!” Applejack, the creator of the chicken dance, showed us “how it’s done”. It's even funnier seeing Applejack "dance" in person than on TV!

One by one, the others joined in, and Twilight “unfroze” and got back to dancing. Soon, all eight of them "danced".

As they did, I kept laughing. The pain in my heart over Diane Heart all but went away, because I was so busy laughing at my friends and Equestrian siblings.

Or I should say with them, because they were laughing too.

Yet, for some reason, I couldn’t shake an odd feeling that someone would soon advise me to ask out Twilight...

Author's Note

With Princess Twilight still...dancing and that lazy -- er - I mean tired writer sleeping off another hangover somewhere, I'll say it.

The friendship lesson that Eric Reed just learned: even a broken heart is nothing that good friends and family can't fix.

And I must say, I like that nickname you guys like to call me! After she got back, Sunset Shimmer told me what happened, so that's how I know now. But I can't help but feel that I should kick Eric's butt for something if I ever get to see him in person.

Still, the next time we talk in our journal, I'm going to try to get Eric to ask Princess Twilight out. Sunset didn't tell him that she, I, and his six other CHS friends all think he should, and maybe he would listen to me, another Twilight Sparkle.

-Sci-Twi