Diary of a Mad Mare

by Drax99

Rating: everyone
Tags: Slice of Life, Human, Sad, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle
Length: 2713

Five years later, Twilight copes with being trapped in another world.

Five years after the fateful day, Twilight and her two friends are still trying to cope with being trapped in a strange land. How do you cope with things after your friends have given up hope? How do you keep your sanity when they have lost theirs?

The answer is, sometimes you don't. And this is that story...

Published 2012-08-10 01:14:26 UTC
Last updated 2013-08-26 19:02:29 UTC

Five years later

Dear Princess Celestia,

I’m not sure why I still write these entries as letters, seeing as you will most likely never get to read them, but I wrote my friendship reports for so long, that the format is familiar and comforting. I need as much comfort as I can get to maintain my composure with the daily stress weighing down on me.

My old diary has turned up missing, and I strongly suspect Pinkie may be behind it. I guess that means I need to start over, and catch you up to speed, since I very much doubt I will ever find my original entries. Besides, most of the details are now blurred in the day to day misery of my life.

It’s hard to believe that five years have passed already since that fateful day. It was a simple spell, meant for storing objects in a pocket dimension. I had used it hundreds of times, and was looking for a way to expand its capacity. That day was also the day that pinkie and Dash decided to target me for one of their prank attempts by rearranging some of the devices used to craft the spell. Needless to say it did not go well. instead of opening a pocket dimension, we were sucked into an alternate one, and here we remain trapped.

We were very fortunate to bump into a friendly local upon arriving, but sadly I had to use the last of my magic to cast the spell that let us understand his language. Magic is not native to this universe, and the remaining power transported with us quickly bled off and was forever lost. Lucky for me, telekinesis is native here, so I still have that, but otherwise I am as magicless as an earth pony.

I do worry about Pinkie Pie. Whatever strange magic she possessed in Equestria, just as quickly fled as her impossibly curly mane deflated on arrival. i strongly suspect it was the severing of her ties with her element of laughter that was behind this. She has been sullen and quiet since our arrival, and slowly slips farther away from us. She never speaks a word, and her mind seems to be locked far away as she slowly turns more feral with each passing day. She has taken to acting more like the mindless animals of this world than a thinking pony. Just the other day I heard Jack yelling at her to get out of his room after she tried to crawl into bed with him. Being in season can be aggravating, but with Pinkie’s mind slipping away, it’s gotten worse. I just worry that one day she will jump the fence and wander off to find one of the earth horses to be with. The thought keeps me awake at night.

Despite all this, she is not completely lost to us yet. At night I hear her speaking in her sleep, although there is more than one voice in the conversation. She talks strangely, and often answers herself with other voices and strange accents. I tried to talk to Rainbow dash about it, but she refuses to discuss the matter. I know Dash knows something about what is happening to Pinkie, but I can’t force her to tell me.

Rainbow Dash herself has me worried as well. The magic that lets such a large creature as a pony to fly is inherent in the pegasus race, but here it’s gone along with my own magic. A pegasus that cannot fly is a sad thing indeed, and I can’t help but pity her. She stares at the sky forlornly, and drifts in and out of depression. I don't know how much longer before she starts to crack herself, and my heart stops every time I see her standing on the rooftop or in a tree looking longingly at the horizon. I’m afraid one day she will just jump and and decide not to open her wings. Gliding just isn't enough for a pony like Dash. She needs to soar.

My own mind often wanders to dark places. My journal keeps me grounded, but the things I have seen in this world make it hard to stay positive. I am forever grateful for our friend Jack who took us in and hid us from the horrors of his world. Humans seem to be an odd lot. Arrogant and greedy, yet still able to show kindness and good. Being the only sentient species on this world has left them with a rather distorted view of the world, and they tend to arrogantly destroy the world and creatures around them with a self righteous sense of manifest destiny that makes the pony in me despair for their future. They callously fight and kill everything, even their own kind, yet in the next breath will reach out to save the very creatures they caused to become endangered.

Jack seems different. He is a self proclaimed loner, with some family ties in more remote areas. The small stash of Equestrian bits enabled him to invest in a remote piece of land on which to build our little sanctuary. He claims to not miss his own kind, but there is a hungry loneliness behind his kind eyes that belies his words. He claims he’s always been better with animals than humans, and in this regard he often reminds me of my dear friend Fluttershy in this. I think they would have gotten along very well indeed.

Not that he has any romantic interest in any of us. Despite Pinkie’s awkward advances, and the fact that we are all female, he seems indifferent to us all. In fact, the spell of understanding has left a link between us, and I can sometimes feel his thoughts, seeing us more as little sisters than anything else. At least he does not see us as pets. I don't think I could tolerate that, given what I have seen of the human species.

I have seen many things as well. Between the many books he brings home, and the devices he uses to talk to the outside world, a veritable flood of information is channeled into our little sanctuary for me to dig through. We both will often spend hours ‘surfing’ the vast databases of information for random facts and tidbits of entertainment. Rainbow Dash was even enticed into the world of online gaming for awhile, but her depression soon got worse when she discovered information about how humans learned to fly using machines, while she herself was still grounded. It as a bitter week of crying after that, not that she would ever let us catch her at it. But the stains on her fur were clear as the redness of her eyes.

I can hear Jack yelling again, so it must be time to find Pinkie and talk some sense into her. Despite her being mute and acting feral, she still manages to get into far too much mischief. I just dread the day she is lost completely and we need to lock her room to keep her safe.

Farewell for now,

Your Faithful Student,

Twilight Sparkle.

Carefully the book is closed, with the page marked. A loving hoof touches the cover and a gentle glow carries it to the shelf. One last look glances around the room, pausing briefly on a small purple scale on a pillow under a glass case. A tear slowly slides down her muzzle, before being quickly wiped away. “If only Dragons didn’t need magic to live, maybe you could send these letters to the Princess for me.”

A loud yell, and a crash brings her head up sharply, as a look of determination replaces the sorrow on the purple mare’s face. No time for the past. She had her friend’s future to worry about. She was going to get them home if it was the last thing she did.

Bad Touch

Dear Princess Celestia,

I lost count of what entry this is. Without my old journal the time seems to be slipping away. Seasons are slightly different here, and even the time of day seems to change. Today was one of the worst since our arrivals, and I write this through tear drenched eyes as I try to stop the shaking.

I think we may be losing Rainbow Dash, it was especially hard for her. Today we had a strange man visit us. We had almost no warning, but apparently some other human reported seeing us, and the government sent an inspector to check on the health of the animals they had seen. We had barely enough time to dye our coats a more normal color. Poor Dash cried for hours. I don't know what was worse for her, the way the human groped and prodded us, or losing her namesake rainbow hair. She already lost her flight, now she has lost another part of her identity, however briefly.

Jack assures me the dye will wear off or grow out, but there was no consoling poor Rainbow. This was the first time she cried openly, and it was all I could do to just hold her. She won’t even look at Jack now, and I think that he has lost some of her trust. We all know it wasn't his fault, but Dash seems to blame him, and all humans all the same.

For Pinkie, it was all just another game. She nuzzled and frolicked around the human like a foal, and it was not hard for her to act like a dumb animal. Lately that's how she acts anyway. For me, the groping left me feeling violated. He even drew blood, and used crude probes to take my temperature. It took all my willpower to remain silent and act the part of a dumb beast. Rainbow Dash did the same, until the moment he was out of sight, and then nearly collapsed.

A rather large bribe from Jack helped him overlook my horn and Rainbow’s wings, as well as the lack of ownership papers. Jack gave him the agreed upon cover story that we were sideshow animals that he had rescued, after finding us “surgically altered”. It still surprises me how Pinkie’s small pouch of gold bits were worth such a massive fortune on this world. It has help keep us healthy and safe, without the need for employment. Carefully invested by a friend of Jacks, we are independently wealthy.

But no amount of money will buy back the trust we had in humans, or the dignity we all lost today. As friendly and loving as Jack may be, he will forever be a symbol of this world and what it is slowly doing to us. I hope to the stars that somepony finds a way to get us home, because I fear that I cannot do it alone.

I also fear that if something doesn't change soon, I will actually be alone. My friends slip farther away each day, and I only pray that they haven't slipped too far already.

Your Faithful Student,

Twilight Sparkle.

Another entry complete, the lavender mare shelves the journal, and looks across the yard to the small house where the human lives. The single light lets her know he was still awake, and she longed to talk with him about what had happened. At the same time, a sense of loathing and shame arises and holds her back. It would take time for her to forgive what had happened. For now, she had a friend to comfort.

A Drop of the Creature

Dear Sunbutt,
Guess what? I’m drunk! Why don't we have this stuff in Equestria? Even Japplejacks cider ain't this good. Jack days humans drink it to feel good and forget stuff, and I’m feelin really good now. Hah, and its made from corn! I remember seeing some silly law about no ~~alka~~ ~~alpo~~ booze. Too scared your little ponies kant take it? Huh?

I feel fiiine. me and Jack drank wisky and sang songs all night. Pipy pie just stared at us with a stupid look on her stupid face like some lost dog. Dashie tried to make me stop, but Im a grown mare and I know what I want. Y’know jack isn't too badfor a bald monky thing. too bad hes so bukin ugly!

Wanna know a secret? I kissed him. He freaked out and ran away after that, so I drank the rest of the bottle. I don care no more. I’m gonna die here, and I don't care. Pinks is till starin at me now, and I don't care. Rambo dashie wont talk to me and I don care.

Why the buck haven't you saved us yet? Are we not good enough for you. you raise the bucken sun and you leave us here to rot. I used to love you. I had such a crush on you as a filllly. My friends all hated me for it, say I was teacher’s pet. little suckup. I didn't care. you wer my sun and I loved you. I never told anypony. I grew up and made new friends, learned how stupid I was for my stupid stupid crush.

I HATE YOU. why couldn you just let me be happy wit my books. i don ~~meed~~ need friends. I had my books, i was happy, and I got to see your pretty white butt every day. what more could a mare ask for? And that toy you sent me as a prnk wasn't funny. My mom saw it and nearly has an ~~aner~~ ~~anuris~~ heart attack. if i was still reading my bookes,i wooden have made friends and cast a stupid spell to trap us here where we are GOING TO DIE ALONE AND MISERABLE!!!!!!!

Oh look, the pink one left. guess i’m not interesting anymorre. buck her. buck you. BUCK ERVYPONY!

Im gonn sleep now. soo tierd

Dear Princess,

I know you will never read this, but I need to apologize. I know now the wisdom of banning alcohol in Equestria, and the folly of letting myself fall prey to its poisonous promises. I forgot half of what happened, but I can never forget the words I wrote. I wanted to tear it out and burn it, but Jack says I should keep it as a reminder to myself of mistakes I made. We should always remember what our worst is so we can work to avoid it. I was a monster last night, according to Rainbow Dash. I cursed and stumbled about like a madmare, and even drove poor Pinkie Pie away. I still hurt in places I didn't know I had and my head feels worse than that time I tried to lift the statue in the garden with my magic.

I need to apologize to all my friends, to you, and even to myself. I made an utter ass of myself and even managed to drive away the only person in this world to show us any kindness. Jack says he forgives me, but I don't know if I can forgive myself just yet. He says he just doesn't feel that way about me, or my friends, and to be honest, I am glad. I don’t know what I would have done if things went beyond that kiss. I was just feeling lonely and depressed, and he was there.

Now I am alone again, and have no excuses to behave the way I did. I must work to fix what I have broken, and try to make the best of what I have. What WE have. I keep forgetting I really am not alone in this. It’s not my own misery. My friends are here with me, and sharing the same fate. I think I will find Dash first. She seemed to be the most hurt. Pinkie is still not all there, and Jack has already forgiven me.

I only hope you can forgive me as well, when we meet again.

Your apologetic student,

Twilight Sparkle

Author's Note

Ever wonder what it looks like when i turn spell check off?
You already know what its like when i write drunk and depressed...