Literally the only chapter
My name is Rainbow Dash, I live in Ponyville, which is part of Equestria and what I am about to tell you still haunts me today. I am going to tell you about the day I met the evil, dangerous, and slightly annoying Bob the Builder. All because of him, I've been stress eating hamburgers and now I weigh 84537854854985 pounds. Can he fix? No he can't.
It was a dark night in Ponyville when I was walking home from Hayburger. when I saw an abandoned construction site. Having nothing better to do other than my taxes and my warrants for tax evasion, I went into the construction site so I could discover more ways to commit tax evasion. I wasn't like Celestia needed that money anyway. Committing tax evasion has always been my favorite pastime in all of Equestria.
"Hello, is anyone here?" I said, not wanting anyone to catch me committing tax evasion.
"Can we fix?" Was the reply that echoed in darkness of the construction site.
"I'm here to commit tax evasion! Is that okay with you?"
"Yes we can!"
This scared me for a moment. I didn't see anyone, so it didn't make sense to me. Eventually I figured it was just a glitch, so I went deeper into the construction site to find a spot to not pay my taxes. Now fast forward 1.0001 seconds later. I'm sitting there while not paying my taxes when I hear it again.
"Can we fix it?" Once again, it echoed in the darkness of the night.
"Shut up! I'm trying to not pay my taxes!"
"Yes we can!"
Annoyed by this, I decided to investigate. The darkness was scary... almost as scary as the fact that someone would actually write this. I noticed a large crane. When I saw this, I remembered it was my lifelong dream to commit tax evasion while operating a crane. But when I got to the seat, I saw something horrifying. It was Bob the Builder, the destroyer of tax evasion. What was Bob the Builder doing in Ponyville… or even Equestria? I don't remember Hasbro buying the rights to him.
Bob the Builder looked to me and said, "I am Bob the Builder with the IRS. You owe several thousands dollars in income tax. Celestia uses the taxes to by those sombrero cacti that you find in giftshops."
Not wanting to pay my taxes, I ran. Looking behind me, I noticed that Bob the Builder was chasing me with a chainsaw. He wanted me to pay my taxes, but I didn't want to. I don't like paying my taxes, Princess Celestia had enough singing sombrero cacti.
"Can we fix it? Yes we can!" This was his battle cry.
Then that's when I saw his teeth. Bob the Builder doesn't floss! Oh how evil it was that he didn't practice proper dental hygiene. What would his mother thing? What would Mr. Rogers think!?
"Fool, you can't run from me and my bad hygiene! No one can because I am the destroyer of tax evasion!"
"I'll never pay my taxes! I know my rights! I am an Equestrian citizen!"
He chased me through the streets of Ponyville all the way to a river where I would throw tea into the water. It felt like the right course of action given the circumstances of the situation. What else could I do?
I looked at him in the eyes and said, "No taxation without representation!"
This made Bob the Builder furious. The fire in his eyes burned like 1000 digestive systems after eating spicy Saddle Arabian food and sugar free gummy bears.
With a loud roar he yelled, "CAN WE FIX IT!?!?!? YES WE CAN!!!!!!!!!"
I ran at full speed, not flying because the writer was too stupid to write that in, truth be told, I bet this isn't even his first attempt to submit this story. Bob the Builder, destroyer of tax evasion was gaining on me when suddenly the writer grew a braincell and decided to write a part where I actually fly. My relief was short-lived because the dummy had Bob the Builder fly too because wanted to create a poor excuse to keep the story going. Seriously, the guy isn't even writing me in character.
Bob the Builder chased me with the chainsaw all the way to Canterlot, but he didn't hit me with it because that wouldn't be family friendly and the writer wanted to allow all audiences to be able to read this even though the quality of this story is so bad that even my grandma is too young to read this. I flew down into some nearby trees at the edge of Everfree Forest where I would try to hide. It was amazing cover... well it would've been if Bob the Builder didn't use his chainsaw to cutdown all of the trees in Everfree Forest.
"No! Deforestation is bad for the environment and will cause global warming!" I screamed at Bob the Builder.
"Fool, don't you know that the proper term is climate change?" Bob the Builder corrected Rainbow Dash while holding his chainsaw of justice.
Fear gripped me as he stepped closer to me. There was no escape for me because the writer did not write me trying to run or doing something that could help me survive this horrible event. I was alone with Bob the Builder, I was afraid of what would soon become of me. There was little to nothing that I could do. I wasn't going to make it, there was no way... it was over for me. I looked around at the deforested ruins of Everfree Forest, knowing that these were my last moments. This was all because of Celestia's healthcare plan.
"Can we fix it?" Bob the Builder asked me. "Yes we can."
Bob the Builder was going to give a monologue, but the writer couldn't really come up with anything good. The end was nigh... no the end was NEIGH because the writer decided to put a poorly executed joke. I was getting a sinking feeling that this was actually a trollfic. It was quite an insult because I am worth more than some trollfic. But did it really matter at this point? My life was about to end anyway, so there was no point in worrying about it. There was no point in anything because as I said, I'm going to die and there is nothing I can do about it. This would be the end of me, well... not really because this story isn't even canon thankfully.
Bob the Builder was standing over me. "Can we fix it?"
He looked at me dead in the eye. "Yes we can."
Then I died of common cold. The end.
Author's Note
I apologize.
