I Dream Of Dashie (But I Wish I Didn't)
Moondancer was at the I’m-sorry-I-was-a-pasta-brained-friend party again. Every few months, especially after stressful times, she’d be surrounded by her friends and her sister. Normally, after swinging her large wooden stick at the candy-filled piñata, she would miss and fall to the ground weeping from all the bitterness and rage that had built up over the years.
Twilight would then appear, smiling and hugging her. All those harsh, jarring emotions soon slipped away from Moondancer like the itchy black sweater she always wore.
Dreams, much like good friends, could be comforting when they really needed to be.
This dream, however, took a disquieting turn when the party stopped like a movie and Rainbow Dash appeared. “Hi there, pony whose name I keep forgetting,” the Pegasus chimed merrily.
The unicorn raised a toothbrush-thick eyebrow and replied, “It’s Moondancer.”
Rainbow nodded, not really paying attention. “Okay, sure! Say, do you know what would make this dream-party extra special?”
“An infinite library?”
Wrinkling her sky blue nose, Dash groused, “Man, you eggheads all want the same dreams! Er . . . I mean, I have an even awesomer idea!”
“Awsomer isn’t a word.”
Coughing louder than what was considered polite, Rainbow continued. “The Wonderbots show is coming to Ponyville in three weeks! Be sure to buy your tickets at Ticketbucket today! Ten bits for adults and five bits for the kids! Some restrictions apply but will not be stated until after the non-refundable purchase! Don’t forget to buy all the Wonderbolts merch so I can get my yearly bonus!”
“Why would you need money in a dream?” asked Moondancer.
Rainbow looked away, tapping her hooves lightly. “Dream logic. Which applies to reality logic. Especially when it comes to buying stuff. Pleasant dreams!”
And then Moondancer awoke, not feeling terribly well-rested.
The next night, Moondancer was enjoying her dream of floating in a river of scrolls. Then Applejack appeared.
“Howdy, Miss . . .uh . . .not-Twilight! Say, you look like you could use some fun!”
Grumbling, the unicorn rolled her eyes at the farmer pony. “I was having plenty of that until you intruded on my . . .”
“You aughta be playin’ “Them’s Fightin’ Nerds! Imagine being Moondancer . . .”
“I AM Moondancer.”
“That’s what I said. As I was sayin’ . . .”
“No, you . . .”
“Shh! I have a lotta other dreams to visit, so jest hush a minute. When you play Moondancer, you can pummel Twilight Sparkle or Sunburst. The fights can last for hours.”
“There’s only three characters to play?”
“The other characters are pay-as-you-go. Only ten bits each! Heck, for an extra five bits, we’ll throw in backgrounds, too!”
“That’s a ripoff!”
“It’s just business, honey. And ah know business. Buy mah apples, too! Sweet dreams!”
And then Moondancer woke up, feeling as if she got hit by an apple cart.
Even after drinking warm milk and taking sleeping pills, a method that worked well enough in college, Moondancer was still besieged by advertising.
Fluttershy turned the unicorn’s lollipop forest dream into an animal sanctuary while huckstering, “Please, Starjumper . . .”
“Moondancer!”, she fumed, stomping at a few dream-mice.
“Please give generously to the National Fluttershy Home for Defunct House Pets. The more you spend, the more we’ll guilt-trip you! Plus we’ll get you a House Pets Supporter t-shirt that’s free for the price of ten bits.”
After sliding out of bed before her alarm clock went off, Moondancer wondered if she wasn’t losing her mind. One idea came to mind, however.
Moondancer was prepared for the next nocturnal intruder. When Pinkie Pie poinged towards her waving a box of cupcakes over her head, Moondancer pushed a hoof into the pink one’s mouth and said, with practiced calm, “I am not going to buy anything from you. Please tell Twilight Sparkle to visit me. We’re going to have words.”
The next night, Moondancer was at the I’m-sorry-I-didn’t-even-send-a-postcard-explaining-my-absence party again. After the piñata was busted open, Twilight appeared. “HI, Moondancer!” she said cheerfully.
“At least YOU got my name right.”
“I keep telling the others to do their research first and memorize the names of those they visit, but do they ever listen to me?” She blew a wet raspberry, rolling her eyes. “Noooo!”
“Those they visit? How in the name of Equestria are they able to have Luna’s dream-hopping powers?”
Twilight smiled. “I got the idea after Rainbow tried to call dibs on having Luna’s dream visiting powers.”
Moondancer’s ears flattened. “I thought the Princesses gave only you their powers after they retired.”
“What kind of Princess of Friendship would I be if I didn’t share the wealth of my powers with my friends?”
“So what’s going to happen when Rainbow Dash raises the moon?”
Frowning, Twilight replied, “She’s not a night person. Rarity handles the moon.”
“Back to my original reason for calling you here, what’s with all the advertising? I get enough of that from my morning paper.”
“Ah-heh. Well, having six ponies doing the work of two Alicorns is getting expensive, what with the extra thrones getting installed. Plus new stationary getting printed, getting Cloudsdale Two built, and a bunch of other projects that cost more bits than we can get through just taxes.”
“Unf! I get it! Running a kingdom is never cheap. Could you please just tell your pals to stop bugging me in my dreams?”
“I sure will!”
“Okay, great! Maybe now I can . . .”
“For the low, low, LOW cost of five bits per month, I can install a dream-shield over your home!” She chirped with a toothy smile. “No more ads will ever pop up in your slumber ever again! Here’s my flier and payment plan sheet.”
Moondancer looked over the paperwork after Twilight bamfed out of her dream. None of the writing made any sense at all. “Twilight, you idiot!” She grumbled. “Don’t you know you can’t read anything in a dream?”
As Moondancer tried to conjure up a few Twilight Pinatas to bash, she said, wistfully, “I really miss the Princesses.”
And then Discord appeared. “So do I. Say, would you like to know what your Gen five self will be? For only five bits . . .”
“Twilight! Come back!”
Author's Note
I'm going through difficult times right now, so writing this silly little thing helps take the edge off.
