Princess Is Sad? Boop the Snoot

by Lynser

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Profanity, Princess Celestia, Human, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person
Length: 1381

Anon is forced into a room with a crying princess. There is only one solution. Boops.

Anon has been forced into Canterlot's throne room. Even worse, Princess Celestia is inside of it. Crying silently.

Welp, there's only one real solution here.

Boops.

Now's the time to hope this isn't a crime of any sort, and that he isn't sent to the sun anytime soon.

First publicized story- would definitely appreciate criticism.

And being completely honest- this was made in under an hour. A product of sudden inspiration.

Edit 5/17/19: Christ, featured less than an hour after it was posted and generally liked- i'm honoured. Glad you all enjoyed my silly little story!
As of 12/12/22, this still manages to appear on popular stories and featured occasionally when I post, which I cannot fathom-

Now featuring a Ko-fi for the generous, looking to help me out or the folks I want to support in my life.

Published 2019-05-17 12:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2019-05-17 12:40:01 UTC

No Escape

You have no idea what to do right now. You honestly wish you did.

You started your day in Canterlot, intending to barge into the throne-room and complain about something to do with Twilight (you forgot what, so you ultimately decided to improvise when you got there,) but now the situation seems to have changed drastically.

In other terms: The moment you walked into the palace every guard proceeded to rush you, push you into the throne room, slam the doors shut, then- judging by the sounds of retreating hooves- booked it halfway to the moon.

You know the reason now, sure, but that didn't change the fact that you were paralyzed.

Anonymous, the most pissed off member of equestrian society... was confronted with a silently-weeping Celestia.

You might have to give your title to someone else now, to be frank. Tears always got to you. Doesn't help when a literal goddess is shedding them, either.

Okay, so far it's been about an hour- you think. Time moves weirdly when you're both terrified and saddened.

She doesn't seem to have noticed you so far. But judging by the occasional rise-and-swivel of her ears, she's probably asking herself 'what did the guards do when they slammed the door.' Even worse, she seems determined to be sad and to not look up. Actually, scratch that- this ranks as depressed very easily. You'd only cried like this once in your life, and it was after they told you that you were stuck here.

Granted, you probably should have been ecstatic because of your newly-clean slate, but you missed a good cheeseburger. Meat was your life, and this vegetarian one sucks sometimes...

But you were scared out of your wits when that one cow said hello. There was no going back after that.

Wait- Anon, stop getting caught on tangents. You need to focus here. Escape plans still needed some work.

So far, you could only spot one exit. Behind the throne. The big ones behind you were a no-go for sure. Mainly because it's loud as fuck to open them and the guards have probably barricaded it; but also that the ponies outside have probably also drafted a law that states the weird green monkey must solve all princess-related problems or face death. Sure, it was a bit surreal, but that word lost meaning after a unicorn levitated you halfway across town because clothes.

Revenge was still due-

'Damnit Anon, focus!'

Okay, you spotted the windows. But they look like historic artifacts, and you would rather not take a dirt-nap on the sun anytime soon. The ceiling was bare, and the floor- despite the obvious trapdoor hidden under the carpet- was probably not the best decision for any kind of escape.

So basically, you were out of luck. Time for the ultimate backup plan!

For the first time since entering the room, you let yourself take a glance at the princess...

And man, was she a sorry sight.

It was obvious that something important had happened today, you could see that she had dolled herself up for something earlier. Her coat was a bit prickly (probably from some dress or something, you didn't know how horse-clothes worked anyways) and whatever horse-cosmetics she'd used betrayed beauty under the devastation. Sheesh, for a white pony, she even used mascara or eye-shadow or whatever- and it had left a pretty nasty streak of black all the way down to her chin.

Man, that would definitely suck to get out. You knew that much.

Questionably of all, she just seemed... smaller in general. Sure, you had some height on most of these mini-equines, but this was different. She was hunched over, her wings were draped to the ground, and her weird magic-hair was... Moving slower than usual? Sparkling less? More actually hair-like? You didn't know how to describe it exactly. 'Sadder.' There, that works.

It all took its toll on you, to be honest. Sure, a bit of your old life brought out the 'm'lady' from time to time, but this just brought out genuine 'i wish i could help.' And man was that amazing in its own right- so far most of these crazies just brought out the 'get away' instead!

... You had an idea, actually. Craziness brought something to mind.

Never once in your life here had you seen the use of boopage to solve a problem.

Sure, it could be a crime punishable by death for all you know- but it also made you smile like an idiot when your dog fell for it and freaked out.

Sadness was overrated anyways, time to man up!

... You were thankful that you'd already written your will, just in case. Floofington the second would have a home, no matter what happened this day.

One foot forward, and you knew there was no going back. You were shoved onto the marble-parts of the floor when you entered, so your shoes made your entry well-known. Oh, and you slid like half-a-meter. Whoever polished the floor deserves a raise and a firing.

Celestia almost seemed to shy back as you moved. One of her wings seemed to pull itself up in defence- but it ultimately flopped back down.

As you got a bit more confidence in your stride, all of hers seemed to melt away.

Man, it felt terrible, but you didn't want to stand here until you starved- or sneak out behind her and leave her feeling worse.

Merging onto the carpet, your stride was easier to keep because you were less worried that you'd spend your time navigating the hockey-rink of perfectly-shined marble.

One foot on the steps, and you were close to your objective.

Celestia was- once again- on defence. She almost seemed to huddle in on herself- but her nose was still showing.

You reached the top, and raised an arm.

Your index finger filled with righteous justice was poised to strike.

She seemed to whimper, but you knew that the sadness would end soon.

*boop.*

...

Everything went still.

It had been a solid minute, and you still weren't sure if your death was imminent or not...

...

And still, nothing was happening...

...

Wait something's- no that was a bird hitting the window, nevermind. Fuck birds, by the way...

...

Okay, seriously- would something just happen alread-

"Anon?" She started rather suddenly.

You respond intelligently with the most obvious answer. A very well enunciated "uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." as soon as physically possible.

"Wh-what are you doing?" The sadness is still there, but you heard a laugh somewhere.

"...hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh..." Too bad you were still malfunctioning too much to work with it.

"I- a-are you okay?"

"..hhhhhh- yeahperfectlyfine,niceweatherwe'rehaving,right?" Shit- that outburst was not planned!

After that fuck-up, the princess slowly uncurled from her safety-huddle. She faced you as straight as possible with your finger still firmly placed on her muzzle. And as your words slowly finished being unravelled in her mind...

She laughed.

Loudly.

As far as you knew, Celestia laughed for about half a minute straight before she caved. She only gave in when she seemed to completely run out of oxygen, and her lungs physically couldn't handle laughing anymore.

Even then, there was this smile on her face. Even after a few sniffles, a few lingering tears falling...

She just smiled up at you.

... Your heart probably performed enough tricks to give Tony Hawk a run for his money.

Silence started to build again, and since going with the flow seemed to work pretty well so far...

You let your hand drift from her nose to her cheek, clearing away anything else you could with a generous swipe of your thumb.

Granted it was pretty futile because of the sheer amount of makeup that made its home there, but the gesture was definitely appreciated. You were always curious as to what the whole cheek-rub thing felt like, and it was actually pretty nice. Well, for a hand at least.

You even felt your job was done when she started humming aimlessly. Though when a golden aura dragged your other hand to the same cheek, you figured that this would last a bit longer.

Eh, another hour of this couldn't hurt, right?

Oh shit she just hugged you