Scootaloo and Luna are on Fire (E-Rated Edition so Andre Can Read It At His Everfree Northwest Bad Fanfiction Panel)
Scootaloo is on fire. Oh no, that is not good. Most things when they burn, tend to die. We do not want Scootaloo to die. If Scootaloo dies that would be bad. What would Sweetie Belle and Apple~~jack~~ Bloom think? I don't know. Let's not find out. Let us go find water to put Scootaloo out! Let us put Scootaloo out, and get the fire off her. To get her off of the fire. To get her no longer aflame.
Oh no, Luna is also on fire which is strange because she is the Moon not the Sun. How can the goddess of the moon be aflame? But it is true, any Pony can be on fire, even Luna. Let us find water to put Luna out as well. Oh look, we did it! Dear reader, look, Luna is no longer on fire, and Luna is thankful. She delivers a kiss to me and a kiss to you. How lucky we are! Oh how many Bronies wish they were in our position, that they might also be kissed chastely upon the cheek by a magic horse. Oh my goodness!
Luna declares March 16th National Don't Be On Fire Day. It is a huge hit. School ~~Phillies~~ fillies and colts all over the land of Equestria decide to not be on fire. It is a great success, as almost no pony is on fire. Unfortunately there are still 20 ponies on fire but that is less than the usual 23 ponies who are on fire. I pity those ponies who are on fire. Really, I feel bad for them.
And what about dear Scootaloo, what happened to her? Scootaloo discovers that she can now fly thanks to burn marks on her wings. The burn marks on her wings act like jets and she can fly throughout the land. She can fly, fly, fly! as free as a bird, as free as a bird in the springtime. How free? Extremely free. Go Scootaloo, go and fly, and fly freely, so happy to at last be free.
Scootaloo is no longer constrained by the ground, but can fly throughout the land and so she does. She flies throughout the sky, she flies throughout the universe oh so high, and she flies among the stars. What does she discover? Who knows! She becomes like a god, and reigns supreme. Long Live Scootaloo. Long Live Scootaloo!
So then, dear reader, let us draw a lesson from this. Let us all take this to heart, and know that even though things can be dark and lonely, they can become in time bright and friendly!
On Luna's first don't be on fire day, a young colt comes up to Luna and says "Luna, my mommy beats me everyday and sometimes takes a saucer pan and wacks my head with it. Please make it stop. Please make the nightmares and the screams go away."
Luna says okay. Luna sneaks into the colt's house and kidnaps his mom, and arranges for a public execution--drawing and quartering. Is that the new punishment for child abuse? Gosh, I hope not. Dear reader, let us look in the Equestrian penal code.
.
.
.
(Several days pass)
Dear reader, the Equestrian penal code is quite boring so I won't give you all the details but suffice it to say that one should not be executed in a gruesome manner for child abuse. Although one should definitely be punished, we need to hold an independent investigation, not just take the word of this kid.
Dear reader, I will go tell Luna this so she knows not to kill this mare.
.
.
.
Okay it didn't go so well. Now I'm in jail. Luckily they gave me a typewriter so I can type stuff. I did not realize Equestria was so non-democratic. I better be careful with my words or else they may take away my typewriter and start beating me.
Dear reader it is up to you now. Go and stop this mare's execution. It will happen on March 21st in the Canterlot Grand Public Square. You can do this. Also you should talk to this kid and see what's up and make sure he's not lying or anything. Not that child abuse is ever remotely okay but we should really use more than just a kid's testimony as to whether to kill someone in a gruesome public manner.
Well, were you successful in stopping the execution? Were you successful in bringing Luna to reason? Click on the appropriate option to go to the next chapter.
[Yes I was successful. Turns out the kid was just lonely and wanted some attention.
Yes I was successful. Turns out the kid was telling the truth, but drawing and quartering is going too far!
No I wasn't successful. Turns out the kid was just lonely and wanted some attention, and now his mom's guts are a spread all over the Canterlot Grand Public Square. Frick.
No I wasn't successful. Turns out the kid was telling the truth, but drawing and quartering was too much!](https://www.fimfiction.net/story/403288/1/scootaloo-and-luna-are-on-fire/chapter-1)
Scootaloo and Luna are on Fire (E-Rated Edition so Andre Can Read It At His Everfree Northwest Bad Fanfiction Panel)
It is late in the day, and you find yourself sitting upon a cloud next to Scootaloo.
"So," she says, "I hear this whole execution business got you pretty messed up. Sorry about all that."
" Yes, well," you say, "sometimes these things happen. I'm glad you could hang out today and get my mind off of it."
"Yeah, no worries," she replies, and with that she smiles and it's such a beautiful smile you get lost in it for a moment, before remembering that she is 18 and you are 31 and you really are in very different places in your life right now and so you probably shouldn't get lost in her smile too much.
You sigh. "Guess I should get back to work in the salt mines then, eh? I've got quotas to meet and a young daughter to feed."
"Yeah," Scootaloo says, "I don't want to keep you from that. You should get back to that. But remember, you did a good thing today. Don't forget that."
"Okay I won't," you say, and with that you spread your wings and dive off of the cloud, into the sunset below, ready to start another night of mining salt. The world isn't always perfect, but it can be beautiful.
~fin~
Author's Note
And the beat goes on
