Author's Note
Before anyone asks, this was done on a dare.
Bottom's Up
It is a universal truth, regardless of place, time or universe that every student has to face - the act of studying, is a bore. There’s not much joy in trying to memorize, cram, reread, redo, or hammer the info into one’s skull, than to have to learn something that has little relevance in reality. Be it by one’s self or in a group, it is a chore that regardless of the mind-numbing task, it still had to be done.
For Gallus especially, although he never denied that he had good enough friends to carry out this task, it still wasn’t enough to not fight off falling asleep. Of course, even he knew that this chapter has to be read or that math problem has to be solved, but still wished that all of this learning could at least be made interesting somehow. For a while, neither he nor any of his diverse friends could think of how exactly to do it.
At least, not at first.
“Should I be concerned that you’re smiling?” Smolder questioned when he walked into the school’s library. Being in the evening, about an hour or two after dinner, there weren’t students that came to the library at this time, which was perfect for them to study in peace. That evening, the library was empty except for them - which made what Gallus had in mind to be ideal.
“Nah, consider this as a good thing.” The young griffon told the dragoness as he walked up to their usual table with his bag that had a noticeable bulge. “But before I can get to my little show and tell, what’s the torture for tonight?”
Ocellus the Changeling flipped through her notebook. “Let’s see… There are questions we need to answer for Algebra, chapter 8… We need to write up a short essay for History of Friendship… and there’s the anatomy drawing from Professor Rarity’s that due in a few days.”
Yona, a disgruntled Yak groaned underneath the list. “This'll take forever!”
“I can’t blame ya,” Sandbar, the only pony in the group nodded. “I’m not especially looking forward to the math part.”
“Ah c’mon Sandbar, math isn’t that hard.” Silverstream, the pink Hippogriff patted his back. “All you have to do is know the rules to it. Kinda like making underwater fireworks.” This got looks from all around the table. “What?”
“Those exist?” Gallus questioned.
“Yeah… but they don’t exactly lite very well though - but they’re fun to make!”
One weird look from Smolder followed by an “Uh-huh” later, she turned back to the griffon. “So what’s in the bag?”
With a grin, Gallus looked around the library to make absolutely certain that they were alone before reaching into the bag. “Since this is gonna be a long study group, I’d figured that maybe we could make it interesting.” He pulled from it a fat jug with a cork stuffed at the mouth of it. “Do any of you know what this is?”
“Oh! Oh!” Silverstream raised a claw. “It’s an oversized bottle!”
“Close, but do you know what’s in it?” When none of his friends had no clue, he said, “This right here, I’ve found in the cellar of Professor Applejack’s farm. Ya know how at certain times of the year they have the cider fest?”
Sandbar nodded. “Yeah, there’s usually a thousand-mile-long line just to get a cup. Why?”
Gallus’s smile grew wider, if not mischievous. “And you know that they usually served to everyone that stuff fresh, right?”
“Where are you going with this?” Ocellus questioned.
“Well, while I was helping out Professor Applejack, I found in the cellar bottles upon bottles of these things. Turns out, this is fermented cider. In other words-”
“You’ve found alcohol!” Smolder reached out for the clay jug. “No way!”
Gallus nodded proudly. “I figured that as long as I got my talons on this, why not share it with the rest of you guys to make study group a little more interesting?”
“Uh… Gallus sure?” Yona asked, uncertain. “Yona thought this be grownup drink.”
“But aren’t we grownup already?” Smolder questioned. “I mean, we’re pretty much independent as it is. Plus, I wanna have a taste of this to see what’s all the fuss is all about.”
“Do you think that’s a good idea?” Sandbar asked. “I mean, what if we have too much of this stuff?”
“Then we’ll just be careful.” Gallus went ahead to use his claw to uncork it. He dug into the cork and tugged it hard enough for it to slip out of the mouth of the jug with a satisfying Pop! “We’ll each get like… A couple of sips or so. If one of us starts to act funny, then we’ll stop.”
“I still don’t know if it’s a good idea to mix alcohol with homework.” Ocellus pointed out, but her dragon friend wrapped an arm around her.
“It’s not like he’s asking for all of us to drink the whole thing. Just a tinny bit of it for us to try it out. If we don’t like it, we can just forget about it.”
“In fact,” Gallus raised the jug, “I’ll try it out first. If it’s horrible, I’ll toss it out. Deal?” There were nods all around the table before the young griffon brought it to his beak and tilted his head back. He poured only enough of it to fill his mouth and kept it there. His eyes shifted as he tested the taste of it, letting the golden liquid swish and swirl around his tongue.
After he gulped it down, the other students leaned forward. “How is it?” Silverstream asked.
“It’s… It’s kinda fascinating. It tastes like apple juice, obviously. But at the same time, there’s something else to it that I can’t exactly identify.”
“Really?” Yona took hold of the jug and let her muzzle be filled with the liquid. After studying the drink and swallowed, she said. “Yona don’t know if this good or bad.”
And so, the drink was passed on from one student to the next. All of them come to the consensus that it just tasted like apples that had a funny aftertaste.
“I think we should get started with our studying.” Ocellus said. “How about we start with the math stuff before moving on to everything else?” They nodded, and the blue Changeling added. “And uh… can I have some more of that?”
Fifteen Minutes Later…
“Okay, okay… last question…” The Changeling, having a little trouble trying to focus on what the problem in front of her was without the words spinning, had her face implanted in the book. “Okay… If uh… If Starlight has taken over a uh… village with fifty-nin… no… fifty-six ponies, and sex… no, six new ponies became brainwashed but she wants thirteen dot four more… how many ponies would she have?”
The other students around the table had trouble focusing on what Ocellus was saying. In the past few minutes, they were passing around the oversize bottle of hard cider and it was taking effect. Yona was hiccuping, Sandbar had been scribbling what little he understood from each math problem, Silverstream had stuck a pencil up a nostril and forgot about it, Smolder was finding a little harder to keep her balance each time she took a sip of the jug, and Gallus giggled at random.
“Hehe… sex.” The griffon slurred.
“Uh… hold on… hold on…” Sandbar, with his head feeling dizzy, jot down on the paper the math problem he half heard. “Fifty-six, plus sex time thirtini doc bore is… a letdown.”
“Why - hic - down?” Yona asked.
“Well uh… think of it…” The pony answered, trying to connect a reason to his answer. “If fifty-six ponies had ta do the uh… dirty but the uh doc with a tini says it’s a bore… then it’s a letdown.”
“So like uh…” Silverstream tries to think up the right set of words. “Uninteresting orgy. Although… how does anyone make that boring?”
“Starlight found a way,” Smolder muttered and Gallus giggled like a school girl hearing a dirty word for the first time. “Side’s… sounds good ta me. Is uh that it?”
Ocellus lifted her head from the math book and nodded. “Uh yeah. That should be if for the maths. Now fer history.” A unanimous groan was sounded all around the table. “Hey hey, we just uh… write an essay. Twilight saids a page long.”
“But writing that long?” Gallus interjected, but he paused to laugh. “Ha! Long… But an essay that’s a page…” He held up his claws as if to measure something invisible. “That’ll take… forever and a drink.”
“Nah, it’s easy.” Ocellus said as she pulled up a textbook. “We’d just need ta write in our own words the uh…” She flipped open the books. “How friendship builds the pyramids. Wait…”
“That’s easy!” Sandbar suddenly lifted a foreleg. “We just got some rocks and uh… move them to pile on other rocks. That’s a page right there.”
Yona hummed in thought. “Yona don - hic- don’t think that how rocks work.” She grabbed the jug from Smolder. “Yona needs this to be - hic - smarter.”
Twenty Minutes Later…
Every book, shelf, table, painting, stool, carpet and drapes the students could find were piled up together in one spot of the library. The mound that was thrown together was a confusing mass of whatever the six teens could get their hooves and claws on. When it became clear there was nothing else in the room they could add onto the pile, Yona, who stood wobbling on top of this waved a hoof. “Zis how pyramaid... made.”
By now, Sandbar was tossing back another shot of the fermented cider. “No no no… Not done.”
“Vhy?” Ocellus asked she swayed in place and ignored the moving floor underneath her.
“Ya can’ts call this a pyraraid fithout a… uh… um...” He tapped on the jug, humming loudly as he tried to find in his head the thing he was looking for.
“Oh! Eyes know!” Silverstream pointed at the ceiling while her back was laying flat on the pile. “A dead guy! Pyramoods havez ones of thosez.”
“Doom they?” Smolder was rubbing her eyes but holding onto the upside-down table leg for support. “Wheres are ve gonna get a dead guy? We’re nots…”
“Let’s a go find vone!” Gallus suggested as he took the jug. “We might find ones somewheres. If'v we finds a dood uh… thing, Twi’ll give us expra credit.”
“Zvhere finds dead things?” Yona asked as she stumbled on the pile.
The drunk griffon considered this conundrum for a minute or so before his inspiration came from the windows. “Outside! Deads stuffs are outside.” He said before taking another swig.
Ten Minutes Later…
In hindsight, turning into a pogo stick to carry all five of her friends wasn’t much of a good idea. Of course, they bounced around on the school grounds but they always kept falling. So after the thirty-ninth time, they decided they should all probably walk out to save the bruises.
When they finally got outside of the school courtyard and towards Ponyville, Silverstream asked a question after taking a gulp of the jug. “Whatzer we doin' again?”
This gave her friends some pause. “I donno…” Ocellus confessed. “But ve’re supposet dos… somethings…”
“Y-Yeah…” Smolder knocked a fist against her forehead. “Import thing too… Uh… wha waz it again?”
Yona, wishing she had more of that wonderful apple juice looked up at the sky and taking notice of the moon. “Let’s… smach zhat!” She raised a hoof as if to touch it but with no luck.
The other students looked up at what their Yak friend was trying to reach. “Oh! Oh! Uh…” Gallus spoke up as if remembering something. “Let’s uh... buy te moon.”
Ocellus squinted her eyes. “How?” She asked.
“Theresz a place thata sellz houses,” Sandbar said, “we juzt find it, sing a pepper and gives them a bit. Then we can haze the moon.”
“Wait, wait…” Ocellus raised a hoof. “We’d neez somevon importnat to do that.” Instantly in a burst of green flame, she put on the disguise of the only adult that came to mind - Chrysalis. “Okay… let’sa go findz the place.”
The Next Morning...
Everything hurt. Migraines were abundant, stomachs revolted, limbs were rusted, eyes were nearly bursting and there was something itching. In general, by the time the students woke up, their consciousness was sending a clear message that they were in a new realm of pain and sickness.
Gallus, feeling like he was chewed up by a hydra, spat out and was just resurrected, covered his ears at how he was able to hear everything. Especially the hoofsteps that might as well be thunder. He didn’t want to open his eyes to see what it was, they were stinging too much to do so.
“Well good morning to you too.” He recognized that voice. It was the one that was pulling and plunging him into an ocean of light. His eye was forced open and seeing the brightness was like he was getting impaled through the head. But that same spike of light faded until he saw the owner of that voice - a disgruntled Twilight. “So I’ve seen that everycreature had fun last night.”
‘Last night?’ Gallus thought as his brain felt like it was mixed up with a fork.
“For starters, would you kindly tell me why there’s a tractor that’s parked at such an odd angle. On the roof. Across the street.”
“Huh?” The griffon blinked some more, letting eyes painfully be adjusted to the light. Although he instantly figured out where he was, for the life of him he can’t figure out how he got there. It was a street that Sugar Cube Corner was on and he was laying on the steps of said building. But looking out to the street, and the only way he could describe it was as if Discord had sneezed out his magic.
Here Smolder was dangling from a lamp post - that was bent into a pretzel. There Sandbar was in a flowerbed where both he and the flowers were covered in purple paint. One the roof Ocells was asleep at the wheel of a tractor while Silverstream was in a boat that crashed through a wall. And between the burnt bushes, the remains of a shattered blue box with a sign that read: “Police Public Call Box” which had fallen off, a shaven dog running around in circles, Yona was passed out with her lips on those of an oil painting covered in strange pamphlets.
“What the buck happened?” Gallus muttered.
The alicorn above him frowned. “Language aside, what exactly were all of you doing last night to go on a grand-theft, destruction of public and private property spree?”
“Um…” He rubbed his head. “I donno…”
“What do you mean you don’t know?” She lifted him up till they were face to face. “You to be studying last night and instead I find all of you out…” Twilight paused and sniffed the air. “Is that… alcohol?”
“If I said yes would you keep your voice down?”
Twilight grunted as she picked up the other unconscious students. “You are all are going straight to the nurse’s office to sober up, and once you do, I want all six of you in my office.”
Gallus didn’t care at the moment. He wished he had something to drink.
Normally, Twilight didn’t have to discipline her students as more often than not, she would have passed down that over to Starlight. And even if the situation was serious, such things were rare. In those cases, she would try to hear them out first, compare to the reports of what happened, cross-examine, and then determine if the punishment was needed. When such things occur, she never really like doing it. There was a part of her that wants to find some excuse to show her students mercy.
However, before her desk in her library-like office with the clock ticking above her, six students were doing their best to look pitiful. Up close, some of them were a wreck. Sandbar was looked like he was dyed purple. Ocellus had a tooth missing from her smile. Silverstream somehow got a tattoo on her flank of a heart and the words “I’m Jucy” written on it. Yona’s mane and entire coat were given the dreadlock treatment. Part of Smolder’s bat-like wings was missing. And Gallus had so many piercings that he looked like a punk rock star.
“So,” Twilight said, her forehooves on the desk and an intense stare, “where do I begin? Hm?” None of them dare speak up. “Do any of you have any idea of the amount of damage you caused as of last night?”
Again, they remained silent.
The Headmare pulled out a scroll and read them off. “Let’s see… Complete disorganization of our school’s library to the point it looks like a tornado went through it. Scaring the real estate agent half to death when seeing 'Chrysalis' walking in asking if she could buy the moon before running out and breaking a window. Stolen twenty-three cans of paint and dumping it in public spaces and statues. Stolen a new motorboat and crashing it through a wall in the middle of town. Kidnapped the mailmare and disappearing for three hours. Dropping an antique Trottingham call box from Celestia-knows-where. Shaving one of Fluttershy’s dogs. Having all of you get married to each other at the same time… somehow… Stealing the Apple family's new tractor to use it to jump off of a crudely made ramp. Then breaking into Rarity’s Boutique, finding her stash of bourbon... And all that is just from the police report alone!” She put the scroll down. “But judging by your appearances, it looks like you all did a little more than that.”
“I swear, Headmare Twilight,” Ocellus said, “None of us can remember anything that happened last night.”
“Oh?” She raised an eyebrow. “And the bits that you do remember?”
There was a tense moment among the students before Gallus raised his claw. “This is my fault. I found some fermented cider at Professor Applejack’s farm and I wanted to make our study group a little more interesting. We didn’t intend to get so wasted but we didn’t know when to stop.”
Twilight nodded. “I see that you’ve been paying attention in Applejack’s Honesty class. And while I do appreciate you standing up and taking responsibility - however, based on what has transpired, all of you will have to be punished.”
Twelve uneasy eyes glanced at one another. “W-What are you going to do to us?” Ocellus asked.
“For doing something so reckless, you will be serving three months in detention. While also serving another month to that doing community service. Both of which starts today. I will be informing your parents and guardians of this event and that I will see to that this will be carried out.”
After her students were dismissed and were told to go clean themselves up, Twilight looked around to make absolutely sure that she was alone. She pressed against a particular panel in her desk and it popped out to where she could take out a few bottles and a shot glass. After a few quick ones she sighed and leaned back.
“Confound these creatures, they drive me to drink.”
